♪ Imagine me and you,
I do
♪ I think about you day
and night, it's only right
♪ To think about the girl
you love and hold her tight
♪ So happy together
♪ If I should call you up,
Invest a dime
♪ And you say you belong to me
and ease my mind
♪ Imagine how the world
could be so very fine
♪ So happy together ♪
[ALARM BEEPS]
♪ I can't see me loving
nobody but you
Honey, wake up.
No.
Anna...
Greet the day.
♪ For all my life
♪ Me and you
and you and me
♪ No matter how
they toss the dice
♪ It has to be
♪ The only one for me is you
♪ And you for me...
Anna...
Honey, you gotta wake up.
Ow!
♪ I can't see me loving
nobody but you
♪ For all my life
♪ When you're with me
baby the skies...
That's it!
♪ For all my life ♪
[BOTH GRUNTING]
Oh! I have had it!
[HORN BLOWS]
Ahhh!
Ahhh!
TESS: Anna, hurry up!
What? I'm ready.
[RADIO STATIONS SWITCHING]
TESS: Would you settle
on a station, please?
ANNA: Okay!
So, I'm just going
to get a little stud
right here, okay?
You know, I don't want
my maid of honor looking
like a little harlot.
Oh, come on, Mom.
Everyone's got one.
Everyone?
Harry, everyone has one.
I can't believe you!
You're ruining my life.
You know what?
End of discussion.
Feet down.
Okay...
If I can drive.
Fine. Did you
bring your permit?
No. I can't find it.
You can't find it?
Ha ha!
What did you do
with it, troll?
Oh, Anna, why do you
always have to blame
him for everything?
You couldn't find
anything in your room.
Why do you always
take his side?
Oh, look, Anna...
Why? No, why?
Let's not do
this now, please.
And fix your shirt.
Oh look, there's
Stacey Hinkhouse.
Joy.
Hi, Stacey.
Hi, Mrs. Coleman.
Congratulations
on your big day.
Oh, thanks a lot.
Say hi to your mom for me.
Okay, bye.
Okay, bye.
Hi, girls.
You never see
Stacey anymore.
How is she?
Evil. She hates me now.
Why?
Would you leave
your brother alone?
[SCOFFS]
See? She always starts it.
Bye, honey.
Make good choices.
♪ It's just a breakdown,
it happens all the time
♪ So get out of my face,
don't even try
♪ You wanna help me... ♪
MADDIE: She had
the same shirt?
Yeah, but this
looks okay, right?
It's like a style?
Yeah.
Sure.
So it's cool?
No.
Oh, definitely not.
Oh, k*ll me.
Anna, what?
I can't believe it.
It's Jake. [GROANS]
Guys, he's gonna
think I'm so stupid,
I can't even
put on a shirt.
Look, you've never
even met the guy.
So, guess what?
He doesn't care.
And he's not
even looking.
He's not?
He's not look...
He's totally looking.
I think he's gonna
talk to you.
Shut up.
Oh! Thanks.
Sorry.
Why would I want
a leprechaun ice sculpture?
I'm not even Irish.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
Could you hold on a second?
[BEEPING]
[HORN HONKING]
Senora, senora! Cuidado!
Cuidado!
[HORNS HONKING]
I am so sorry.
I'm so sorry, sir.
[WHISTLING]
[WHISTLING STOPS]
[CONTINUES]
Mr. Bates, I really
don't understand this F.
You completely missed
the point of the book.
It's 1984.
How could anyone miss it?
It's a blatant att*ck
on totalitarianism.
About a rigid society,
dominated by
one all-powerful,
ego-tripping dictator.
My grade is final.
Except he had hair.
[SIGHS]
Anna!
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
Hello, Anna.
What do you have today?
Meat loaf.
Turkey.
[HUMMING]
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
Evan, I'm so sorry.
I had some car trouble.
Okay. I thought
you forgot about me.
I could never forget
about you, Evan.
I see you every day.
What about tomorrow?
Is this new?
Am I gonna
see you tomorrow?
You're gonna see me
tomorrow, but not next week,
because, remember,
I'm going on my honeymoon.
Oh, my God!
You're not coming back.
All my therapists quit on me.
I'm not gonna quit on you.
I'm gonna be available
on my cell phone.
I already checked.
There's no service on
the north side of the island.
It will be fine.
Okay.
I've had a better week.
You're counting
the minutes, aren't you?
No.
How many minutes are left?
Fifty-four.
All right,
this morning was good.
But then I got up.
♪ Woah
♪ Woah
♪ Last call,
now I'm outta time
♪ And I don't
got no valentine
All right!
♪ I don't want your sympathy
[CHUCKLING]
♪ I just need a little therapy
♪ At least that's
what they say to me
♪ Hey, ho, let's go
♪ I'm gonna start a riot
♪ You don't wanna fight it ♪
Ooh!
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
Great.
No, no, no, no.
Absolutely not.
I said, no salmon.
No, it has to be halibut.
Well, I don't care
about the extra cost.
How much is it?
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
Hold on one second.
Hello?
Hi, Harry.
No, you may not touch
the power tools.
Yes, I would consider the
lawnmower to be a power tool.
Okay. I'll see you at home.
Okay. Halibut.
[BEEPING]
Uh, could you, I'm sorry,
hold on one second?
Hello. Dr. Coleman.
Yes, Elizabeth.
Yes, Elizabeth, I'll be
at the appointment tomorrow.
Okay, good.
And, Elizabeth, remember...
You are a smart,
strong, beautiful,
independent woman,
and you don't need
a man to complete you.
[VOICE BREAKING]
Thank you.
Goodbye.
Uh, excuse me.
Is this yours?
Thanks.
Tenor medium.
So, what do you play?
I play my dad's
old Telecaster.
Nice.
Cute shirt.
Thanks.
So, you're in a band?
Sorta.
What do you mean,
"Sorta"?
Oh, well, you know,
we're still stuck in
our garage phase, so...
Ah, okay.
Well, if you ever
get out of your garage...
Let me know.
Yeah, totally.
You can come check me out.
I mean the band.
I mean, I'll be there, too,
if you want to come check...
I'm Anna.
Jake.
So, what do you say?
Do you want a ride?
Yeah, I'd like that.
Here you go.
You can wear
my extra helmet.
Oh, uh, I just realized
I have to meet my friends,
and they're waiting for me.
Your mom would k*ll you.
[SIGHS]
So dead and so grounded.
[CHUCKLES]
No, I get it.
Moms and motorcycles.
Yeah.
So, um...
See you around.
Anna...
So, listen.
You like The Hives?
They're awesome.
Well, look,
I've got this import...
And I was thinking
maybe if you wanted to,
we could get together
and check it out.
Coleman.
[WHISTLES]
[SNAPS]
One second.
If I were you,
I would be thinking
a little less about boys
and a little more about
your honors qualifying exam.
I'm ready for the test,
Mr. Bates.
"Prepared" is to "you",
as "not" is to "test."
What does that mean?
Exactly.
[ENGINE REVVING]
[SIGHS]
[TAPPING]
What are you doing?
Get out of my room!
Ahhh!
Ooh!
HARRY: Help me!
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
HARRY: Mommy!
Ahhh! Anna!
[ANNA GROANS]
MADDIE: Sing it on the second
verse when I come in.
BOY: There she is.
Hey! What happened?
Nothing. Just taking
care of my brother.
[PLAYS GUITAR]
♪ Yeah
♪ Yeah
♪ Get up, get out
♪ Move on, move on,
There's no doubt
♪ I'm all wrong,
you're right
♪ It's all the same
with you...
Thank you.
HARRY: Ahhh!
Mommy, Mommy, Mommy.
Honey!
Mommy!
Come here.
Oh, sweetheart.
Um, all right. Ready?
I'm gonna give you
one, two, three.
[CRIES]
No, no, no. Ready?
One, two, three.
Mommy. [CRIES]
Oh, honey, go back inside.
I'll be right there.
Mommy!
Anna!
Ahhh!
Uh! Ah!
♪ Round and round,
here we go again
♪ Same old start,
same old end
♪ Ooh-ooh
♪ Turn my head,
and turn back again
♪ Ooh-ooh
♪ Same old stuff,
never ends
♪ Do this...
Hold still, honey.
Hold still, hold still.
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
I promise you there will be
serious consequences for her.
[CRYING]
GRANDPA:
Hey, Tessie!
Hey, Dad, you're early!
Eh, what?
You're early!
I... I can't...
You're... Early.
Uh, hold on.
I need my glasses.
Grandpa!
Hey, monkey!
Grandpa.
Hey! Hey, hey, hey.
What is this?
One of them thongs?
[LAUGHS]
I don't want to know.
[KIDS SHOUTING]
Yo! What's up? Come on!
Hey, you guys.
You guys
know these yard apes?
Oh. [LAUGHS]
You're early.
What?
RYAN: Glad you could make it.
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
I brought you
an early wedding present.
What?
[GASPS]
[INHALES SHARPLY]
I thought I'd get
the author to sign it.
What?
I thought
I'd ask the author.
I can't hear you.
Hold on.
HARRY: Come on,
let's get out of here.
Hey, what do you have
under your shirt?
Ryan, could you...
♪ On and on,
and on and on
♪ Don't wanna grow up
♪ I wanna get out
♪ Hey, take me away
♪ I wanna shout out,
take me away
♪ Away, away, away
♪ Away
♪ Hey, hey... ♪
[GUITAR SOLO]
[MUSIC STOPS]
[GROANS]
BOY: Oh, bummer.
Not again.
Time's up!
It's after 6:00!
Mmm!
Hey, guys.
You're gonna spoil
your dinner.
[SIGHS]
You know, this dad thing
can be hard or easy.
Don't let her see you.
[SIGHS]
Good, now we can hear.
Speak for yourself.
I could use those
little notes.
[CHUCKLING]
She hates it when I pull
the plug, so get ready
for the fireworks.
Did I say hello?
Mmm, I must have
missed it.
Hello.
Hello.
Get a room!
[ALL GASP]
Go, go, go, go!
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
This is unbelieve...
Just one second,
one second.
Okay, but you owe me.
Hello.
Yes, this is she.
Oh, really?
Okay. Yeah, great.
Thank you.
Thank you so, so much.
What?
You guys are never
gonna believe this.
One of the bands
dropped out of the
Wango Tango auditions,
and we are
the first alternate.
Shut up!
[CHEERING]
That's awesome!
We have to check in at
the House of Blues by 7:00,
and we're on at 7:45.
When is it?
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow?
Tomorrow's Friday.
So?
That's my mom's
rehearsal dinner.
Anna, come on.
This is really important.
You know, don't worry.
I'll work it out.
I'll be there.
How can you be there?
Aren't you, like, the maid
of horror or something?
Honor. And it's
not the wedding.
It's the rehearsal.
I know, but don't
they make a big deal
out of the rehearsal,
like all of your weird
relatives coming to town?
No, they, they don't.
There's my Anna Banana!
[LAUGHS]
Come on, give
your grampy doodle
a big huggy-buggy.
[LAUGHS]
Grandpa, over here.
Oh.
[CRASH]
[LAUGHS]
Hey, Gramps.
ANNA:
Come on, don't worry.
I would never
let you guys down.
Just don't cancel
the audition yet, okay?
I'm gonna talk to my mom.
MADDIE: All right.
We're screwed.
Yep.
Yeah.
HARRY: "I don't think
he knows I even exist.
"It's so stupid to think about
him, but I can't help it."
ALL: Jake! Ooh, Jake!
Get out of my room!
ALL: Ahhh!
Oh! Oh!
My... My...
Ah! Ahhh!
She saw it.
[ANNA SCREAMING]
I'm gonna check
out those Lakers.
I'm with you.
Mom!
Mom, did you see
what happened to my...
I spoke to your principal.
What?
Just now on the phone.
Where's my door?
Privacy is a privilege, Anna.
Where is my door, Mom?
Your door will be
returned to you, Anna,
if and when you
can explain to me...
I need my door.
You give me that door or...
Or I will k*ll myself.
Oh! Can I watch?
Harry!
Shut up!
ALL: Ahhh!
Oh!
I think we can dispense
with the drama.
And maybe you can
just calmly explain to me
why you were
in detention twice today.
Okay, I went to detention.
But that was only
because Stacey Hinkhouse
kept hitting me on the head
with a volleyball.
When is this conflict with
Stacey Hinkhouse going to end?
Never, because she's
an insane, psycho freak,
and you'd know that if
you paid like, a
speck of attention.
Anna!
[SHOUTING] What?
I think you know
I pay attention, Anna.
[SCOFFS]
Enough to know that you got
an F in English today.
Well, Mr. Bates
is out to get me.
Oh, him too?
Yeah.
You know, he just
looks for ways
to t*rture me.
Like today, the one
time Jake even spoke
to me, he totally...
Who's Jake?
He's just... Nobody.
You say I'm
not interested, Anna.
I'm interested. Try me.
[SIGHS]
Okay, he's just this
really amazing guy, Mom.
Where'd you meet him?
Detention, but...
[LAUGHS]
That's promising.
See? Do you see?
Why do I even bother
telling you anything?
Okay. Who's up
for Chinese?
Ahhh!
You're ruining my life!
I'm moving out tomorrow
and never coming back
ever, ever,
ever, ever again!
[GONG BANGS]
[GONG BANGS]
Hello. How are you?
Hello, Pei-Pei.
Anna, Harry,
you're so big now.
What happened?
Are you happy
for your mommy?
About what?
Oh. [LAUGHS]
She's such a joker.
Who's catering?
Chinese food good luck.
But it's actually
all planned already.
Okay, how about me?
Anna, I preordered
the Peking duck.
Joy.
Well, I know
that's your favorite.
Whatever.
Actually, the wedding
is in two days.
You think about it, okay?
Okay.
All right. See you soon.
Happy dining.
Anna, your door is
underneath the back stairs.
Like I didn't
figure that out.
Stop groveling, man.
Let her come to you.
She'd come with a hatchet.
I think I'll
go check on that duck.
Anna...
Do you really think
that your surliness
is the best way for you
to get what you want?
I'm sorry, Mom.
You know, I really have
been stressing in school,
and I deserved every
single one of those
trips to detention.
And I'm gonna apologize
to Stacey Hinkhouse
and Mr. Bates.
I guess what
I'm trying to say is...
I'll try and do better, Mom.
I'll really, really try.
All right,
what do you want?
To go to this really
important audition
that we're having
tomorrow night
that we can never have
again at the House of Blues.
An audition, that's great.
Tomorrow? You mean
after the rehearsal dinner?
Well, during, but...
"During,"
You mean as "instead of?"
You mean technically?
Anna, I need to talk
to you right now.
I think I'm
gonna pass on that.
Now!
Anna...
I am going
to make one final attempt
to try to understand
what goes on in your head.
Don't treat me like one
of your patients, Mom.
What?
All calm and reasonable.
Let's talk about it.
I really want to understand.
I really do
want to understand, Anna!
Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.
Oh, Mama,
stay out of it, please.
Mama.
ANNA: Okay, fine.
They're gonna pick one local
band to play at Wango Tango.
We were lucky
to even make this cut.
Seriously, it's a
once-in-a-lifetime
chance, Mom.
Please, please, please.
Why can't I just go?
Please.
And what I hear
is that my special night
means absolutely
nothing to you.
I don't even have to
ask if my band means
anything to you.
It's totally clear to us that
you think we're all noise.
Look, I'm a walrus.
I do not!
Do too!
Anna, I let you
practice in the garage.
Mom!
Anna, stop.
What?
Let's talk about
what this is
really about, okay?
This is about
your dad, isn't it?
Mom, stop shrinking me.
It's not about Dad.
It's about the audition!
You're ruining my life!
Oh, honey.
Enough with the drama.
Anna, high school
is not that hard.
You couldn't last one day
in my high school.
Actually, I could, and
I would do it without
getting a detention.
Oh, I'm sorry, Mom.
I'm sorry that
I'm the one thing in your
life that isn't perfect!
Perfect? You think
my life is perfect!
Oh, I know
your life is perfect.
Your perfect job,
perfect boyfriend,
perfect patients who worship
the ground you walk on.
Oh, honey, you need a serious
and bracing reality check
if you think
my life is perfect!
You can just cut me some
slack just this once, Mom.
I am beyond
cutting you slack, Anna.
But you are not
going to the audition.
Yes, I am!
No, you're not!
Why not?
Because I said so!
Cookie?
Uh.
Uh, this isn't
really a good time.
Now a good time.
[SPEAKING CANTONESE]
Okay, okay. Thank you.
Anna...
For one day,
the entirety of our life,
is not gonna be
focused on you.
Yeah, it's all about
Ryan now, isn't it?
Anna!
Get away.
Honey!
[SIGHS]
[SIGHS]
BOTH:
"A journey soon begins,
"its prize reflected
in another's eyes.
"When what you see
is what you lack,
BOTH: "then selfless love
will change you back."
[SCOFFS]
Whatever.
[RUMBLING]
[GASPS]
[GASPS]
Honey?
[PANTING]
You okay?
Yeah.
Whew.
Come on.
Did you feel that?
Feel what?
There was an earthquake.
No, there wasn't.
Yes, there was.
GRANDPA: What are
they talking about?
RYAN: An earthquake.
An earthquake?
No. There was
no earthquake.
You didn't feel it?
No.
I don't think so.
[GONG BANGS]
[WIND BLOWING]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
[GONG BANGS]
TESS: [THINKING]
Uh, 6:45 already.
Oh, God, I didn't get
the dry cleaning.
I'll have to do that
on the way home,
and call the mechanic...
And the florist.
[SIGHS AND YAWNS]
Okay, better get up.
I'd better...
Why am I in Anna's room?
What happened last night?
Did... Did I pass out in here?
Oh, I have no memory of this!
This isn't mine!
[SHUDDERS]
Those aren't mine!
That's not mine.
[GASPS]
[GASPS]
That's definitely not mine.
[SHUDDERS]
[GASPS]
Ahhh!
HARRY:
Anna, come here quick.
What?
Mom's dead!
I'm dead?
[PANTING]
Come on, hurry!
See? She's not moving.
Oh, my God.
No, wait, it...
It's breathing.
I'm not dead.
What?
Uh...
Right, uh...
Her chest i...
Is moving, honey, see?
You called me "honey."
Uh, right, um, uh...
Are you sick?
I hope so.
Or dreaming or...
Hon... Uh, Harry, uh,
go get your own breakfast.
You can eat Anna's cereal...
Uh, my cereal.
Cool.
[SIGHS]
Hello?
Hello in there?
Wake up, honey.
Wake up.
Wake up!
[HAND SLAMMING]
[SIGHS] That is it.
[GROANING] Oh.
[BOTH GRUNTING]
Ooh!
[THUD]
Oh, could I just have,
like, one minute, please?
Honey...
Look, I think
something's happened to us.
What are you?
It's me... Mom.
You're not my mother.
Yes, I am.
Get away, you clone freak!
Don't you use
that tone with me.
Oh, my God,
you are my mother!
And you're not
who you think you are.
[GASPS]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Look at me!
I know. We seem to
be inside each other.
I'm old!
I beg your pardon!
Oh, I'm like
the Crypt Keeper!
Okay, that's enough.
[BOTH SCREAMING]
[GASPS]
I want my body back.
And I don't want mine?
My wedding's tomorrow.
Oh, my God!
My wedding's tomorrow.
I... I can't
marry Ryan. Ew!
Okay. Okay, okay.
Okay, what?
I have no idea.
Mom, maybe we should go
to the emergency room.
Oh, no. All that will get us
is a 72-hour lockdown
in the psych ward
and a Thorazine drip.
No, we're
not going anywhere.
Okay.
Um...
Uh, so you're in my body,
and I'm in your body.
Why don't we, like...
Yes, yes, I see
what you're saying.
A... A jolt.
Okay. You go over there,
and I go over here.
Okay, now
when I say go...
Ready?
Yeah.
Go.
Hey, Mom, can I...
Ooh! Ow.
Ooh! Ow.
[BOTH GROANING]
Ow.
Oh!
Okay. Okay,
that was stupid.
Harry!
Uh, I was just
teaching Mom some
new dance moves.
What do you want, punk?
You cannot talk
to him like that.
He thinks you're his mother.
Well, we're gonna to have
to tell him some time.
We're not going
to tell him.
We're not going
to tell anyone.
They'll think we're crazy.
Maybe we are crazy.
I, for one, am not crazy.
I'm merely a grown
woman trapped in
my daughter's body.
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
Oh, God, I am crazy.
Shh. Shh.
Uh, Grandpa,
could you pass the milk?
Okay. Harry's still Harry,
and Grandpa's still Grandpa.
So it's just us.
What did we do wrong?
I don't know.
Grandpa, pass the milk!
Grandpa, pass the milk!
Earthquake.
Earthquake!
Earthquake?
BOTH: House of Chang!
Nobody felt it but us.
Earthquake, earthquake!
Earthquake,
earthquake!
Honey!
Okay.
I'll take it.
I guess you're not...
Not ready yet, huh?
Uh...
Sweetheart.
What are you doing here?
I thought you
said you needed
a ride to work.
Right, um... Mom.
I guess
you better hurry up.
Get a grip. I am not...
[GRUNTS]
Darling...
Could you, like,
chill for a sec?
Sure, sure, I'll...
Chill.
You're going.
I'll, like,
go get your dad.
Alan, that's
not our car!
The earthquake and then
Pei-Pei's crazy mother
pointing at me
and pointing at you.
Yeah, and what was she
mumbling about in Chinese?
She did something...
Some strange Asian Voodoo.
Well, what are
we gonna do now?
I can't go to
school like this.
You have to.
You're on the verge
of suspension, Anna,
and you have your honors
qualifying exam today.
All the more reason
to stay home.
I could go and
take the exam for you.
I'm sure a high
school-level test
would be quite
simple for me.
Are you kidding?
You think you can be me?
Of course I can.
Watch me.
"Oh, everyone's
out to get me.
You're ruining my life."
Well, it's easy
to be you.
I'll just suck the fun
out of everything.
I do not suck the
fun out of everything.
Fun sucker.
Oh, this is ridiculous.
I will go to school, and
you will stay right...
[SIGHS]
What?
Evan.
Evan? Who's Evan?
Oh, my neediest patient
I've been seeing
him every day for
the past three years.
Hmm, bummer.
Maybe just my face
would be reassuring.
No. No way.
No way. Uh-uh.
I am not babysitting
some 40-year-old whack job.
I mean, what am I supposed
to say to the freak?
Nothing. You are in no way
to give anyone any advice.
That would be unethical.
Just listen attentively,
nod occasionally,
and if you must speak,
simply say,
"How do you
feel about that?"
You're serious.
You... You really
want us to be each other?
Well, we will get through
this morning as each other,
and then we will go back
to the restaurant at lunch
and get switched back.
Now go get dressed.
Well, good luck getting
dressed without a door.
[SIGHS]
Thank you.
[ANNA SCREAMING]
Oh, boy.
You'll get used to it.
What?
You pierced your navel?
Y... Yeah. I meant to talk
to you about that.
When did you do this?
At Maddie's cousin's
Sweet 16.
Well, when you
get your body back,
it's grounded.
[SCOFFS]
And what are you doing?
I don't know why
you never wear these.
They're so cute.
Yeah, if you're
selling bibles.
And what did
you do to my hair?
Oh, I've been dying to comb
these rats out for months.
Now you can see
your pretty face.
And what is this?
Oh, I fixed your jeans.
My patients are not
going to pay $150 an hour
to get therapy
from a stripper.
All right.
I'll drab up.
I'll grunge down.
Go.
[SIGHS]
What's up?
[SHUDDERS]
[RADIO STATIONS SWITCHING]
Feet down.
Harry, could you
settle down, please?
Bite me! [HONKS]
See? Do you see what
he does behind your back?
Anna!
ANNA: Mom.
Excuse me.
And while I'm apologizing,
let me just say to
the whole car
how truly sorry I am
for being such an insane
control freak all the time.
Oh, you're
not controlling, Mom.
I'm the one
who should
be apologizing
for my flagrant
disregard for anyone's
feelings but my own.
Well, at least you have
a great sense of style...
Not like me.
Enough.
Ooh, Platinum, cool.
Don't even think about it.
[SCOFFS]
Am I supposed
to follow this?
It's nothing...
Darling.
One more day.
Yeah, it's great we're
getting married, isn't it?
Even though
my husband d*ed.
How quickly I've been
able to get over it.
Just pull up here.
Mom, out of the car.
If you manage to alienate
Ryan in my body...
I'll be nice.
But don't kiss him.
[LAUGHING] Oh, Mom,
I just had breakfast.
That's disgusting.
Nice.
Okay. Here is the number
for the cab company.
I want you back here
at 11:45 sharp.
All right.
Do you understand?
All right!
What is that tone?
Are you using a tone with me?
Oh, my God.
Uh, can I go?
Why? What are you
so anxious about?
JAKE:
Hey, Anna.
Do you know him?
Um... Kind of.
Uh, that's Jake.
No, no.
You gotta give
him a chance.
That is the last thing
I'm going to give him.
Just look at him.
You don't even know him.
I know he's
too old for you.
Oh, my God, he's
coming over here.
Say hi back.
No.
Say hi back or I'm gonna
break up with Ryan.
Hi... Jake.
Hey.
So...
Oh, um, this is
my mother,
Dr. Coleman.
Hi.
Hi.
It's a great bike.
What?
Not like
I've ever been on it.
I'm not allowed.
I mean, I... I'm allowed
because I'm old. [LAUGHS]
Uh, I gotta go.
Bye.
Walk with him.
Harry, do you
know who that is?
Anna's got a boyfriend.
HARRY:
♪ K-I-S-S-I-N-G ♪
[GROANS]
RYAN: Okay, where
are we going next?
Harry's school?
Oh, he can walk from here.
It's 20 blocks!
Fresh air
will do you good.
But what about bullies?
Run fast.
Tess... Look, really,
it's no trouble
to drive him.
[LAUGHS] Whatever.
♪ I fell out of the wrong
side of the bed
♪ And landed in the
worst mood
♪ With that stupid
alarm clock screaming... ♪
Hey! I've got
The Hives for you.
I beg your pardon?
The CD.
Oh, yeah, that.
Hey, I didn't know if
you knew, but they're
coming to town next week.
I was wondering if
maybe you wanted...
That's a really nice thought.
And I'm sure with a haircut
you'd look quite presentable.
But I need to focus
on my schoolwork,
and truth be told,
you're way too old for me.
But thanks anyway, Jason.
It's Jake.
♪ 'Cause it's me
against the world... ♪
Ugh.
Hello. Good morning.
Good morning. Hi.
Hello.
Stacey!
Hi, how are you?
Oh, wonderful.
Stacey, what
are you doing?
Ahhh!
Uh! Ow!
Run away.
MADDIE: Are you okay, Anna?
PEG: God!
I am appalled that Stacey
would do something like that.
Yeah, shocker.
Oh, I am going
to be calling her mother.
Forget about that.
We'll get her later.
So, we saw you.
Saw me what?
With Jake.
Give us the dirty details.
Excuse me?
Did you make a move?
Is that something
I would do?
It's something
you should do.
Oh, no, no, no,
no, no, no.
I don't believe in
physical contact with
the opposite sex...
At all... Ever... Nothing.
And you girls would do
well to follow my example.
Well...
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What? What?
Uh, cold sore, cold sore.
Where?
Um, I feel it
coming on right there.
Big one, big oozer.
I don't care.
No, no, really.
I'm thinking of you, really.
You.
Okay. Okay.
Good thing, I guess.
You need a ride home,
or are you gonna
pick up the Volvo?
Oh, I will most definitely
be picking up the Volvo.
♪ Hey
♪ Hey
♪ Uh huh huh
♪ What I like about you
♪ You really know
how to dance
♪ When you go up, down,
jump around
♪ Talk about true romance
Oh!
♪ Yeah
♪ Keep on whispering in my ear
♪ Tell me all the things
that I wanna hear
♪ 'Cause it's true
♪ That's what I like about you
♪ Uh huh huh
♪ Hey!
♪ Oh-h-h-h!
Ow!
♪ Keep on whispering in my ear
♪ Tell me all the things
that I wanna hear
♪ 'Cause it's true
♪ That's what I like about you
♪ That's what i like
about you... ♪
MAN: Hey.
How's it going?
[CELL PHONE RINGING
AND BUZZING]
Uh! What?
[RINGING AND BUZZING
CONTINUES]
Hmm.
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
Dr. Coleman's office.
WOMAN: Hi, Dr. Coleman.
This is Dr. Dunn's office.
I'm calling to confirm your
root canal appointment.
Root canal?
That's not fair!
They're not my teeth.
Okay, I'm not sure...
Uh, uh, no. No,
I'm cutting the dentist.
You mean you're canceling?
Yeah, cancel.
Like I'm going to take
that b*llet. Please!
[RINGING CONTINUES]
Evan.
No. Boris.
Line 27.
Thanks.
There you go.
Whoa! She's blind!
Oh, this sucks.
Uh, wanna get that?
Oh, no way.
I'm not answering
that thing again.
Mmm-mmm.
Good to see you.
Okay.
You're here.
[GASPS]
Oh. Um, yeah, I'm...
I'm here, and you're here.
You look fantastic.
Why? Are you
canceling the session?
No, Kevin.
Evan!
Evan. Evan.
So, shall we go
in here and do it?
Are you gonna get that?
Um, no.
EVAN: Oh, so you
don't answer your phone.
I told you I wouldn't be able
to call you on your honeymoon,
but you lied to me.
You're a liar!
You know what?
I'll get it.
Yo.
What?
$10,000? For what?
Halibut! Ew!
What kind of
caterer are you?
It's disgusting.
Well, I'm not
gonna pay for it.
Okay, fine. Don't show up.
See if I care.
Yeah, I'm canceling.
Yeah, well,
same to you, dude.
So, Ethan...
Evan!
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
Evan. I knew that.
[HUMMING]
Bates. I've seen him before.
Where have I seen him before?
Like, every day
in this t*rture chamber.
So, did you
talk to your mom?
BATES:
Today is a lovely day...
For a pop quiz.
[STUDENTS GROANING]
Now, all of you should
have finished reading
Hamlet by now.
I'm going to ask each
one of you one question,
and you will be graded
according to your answer.
Oh, thank God it's Hamlet.
I mean, I was in
that play in high...
I just... I know the play.
Like that'll help you.
Mr. Waters, describe
the character of Hamlet.
[CLEARS THROAT] Uh...
Hamlet... He's, uh...
He's one of the
big characters.
I mean, he's Hamlet.
[INHALES DEEPLY]
Um...
He's just bopping around...
Doesn't know
which way's up.
Uh, I don't think
the guy's got a clue.
You mean to say
that he is a man...
Yeah.
Who couldn't
make up his...
Mind.
Mind.
Exactly.
Very good.
All right.
B.
Yeah.
[MURMURING]
Ms. Coleman.
Yes, Mr. Bates?
What are the central
conflicts in Hamlet?
Well, political,
of course,
because Claudius usurped
his father's throne...
Oedipal, because
of the undercurrents
with his mother...
And then there
is the timeless
question of insanity.
ANNA: Is he really seeing
his father's ghost,
or is he simply mad?
That is seriously...
Overreaching.
BATES: F.
F?
F.
BATES: Mr. Franelli,
who is Fortinbras?
MAN: So, I started
reading your new book,
and it just
makes me feel
really depressed.
And how do you
feel about that?
Depressed.
[MUMBLING INCOHERENTLY]
[CRYING]
And how do
you feel about that?
[MUMBLING CONTINUES]
She and her best friend
aren't speaking, Doctor.
And in her diary, she
keeps mentioning this boy.
And how do you
feel about that?
Well, I'm worried...
You read her diaries?
Oh, that's gross!
That's bad.
Bad Mom Award.
But I'm concerned,
Doctor, that she and
this boy might be...
I mean, you know...
Stop! Stop!
Nothing is going on
between her and this guy,
because if there was,
she wouldn't be writing
about it in her diary.
She'd be out there doing it.
And her best friend
probably isn't talking to her
because she probably
likes this guy, too.
And he probably
even flirted with
her a little bit,
but he secretly
likes your daughter.
He just hasn't made
his move yet, because
that wouldn't be cool.
So now her best friend is
acting like some psycho freak.
Okay?
That's very, uh,
interesting.
I never would
have thought about
it that way.
Cool. Guess we're done.
Hey, hold up.
All right.
[SIGHS]
Mr. Bates, may I please
speak with you?
I think that would be fairly
pointless, but go ahead.
By what stretch
of the imagination...
I mean, like, how could I,
like, get an F?
I mean, what
mistakes did I make?
Grading is subjective.
That was
a college-level analysis.
BATES: And you're
qualified to make
that assessment?
As a matter of fact,
I most certainly am.
Well, in the words
of Hamlet, "What's
done is done."
That's Macbeth,
You know-nothing twit.
Bates. Elton Bates.
Griffith High School.
How do you know that?
Well, you asked me...
I mean, my mom to the prom,
but she turned you down.
I... This is not
an appropriate subject...
And now you're taking
it out on her daughter,
aren't you? Aren't you?
I don't know what
you're talking about.
Oh, come on.
It was a high school dance.
I mean, you've got to let it
go and move on, man.
And if you don't, I'm
sure the school board
would love to hear
about your pathetic vendetta
against an innocent student.
Oh, and by the way, Elton.
She had a boyfriend,
and you were weird.
That was amazing.
You totally destroyed him.
Yeah, well, I don't think
Elton Bates will be giving
me much trouble anymore.
That's so weird
about your mom.
Oh, yeah,
what did she say?
About what?
About the audition.
Oh, right, she said no.
What?
Well, it is her
rehearsal dinner.
I mean, don't you think
that's rather important, too?
And you told her?
You told her this chance
would, like, never come again?
Hon, she sympathizes,
but...
Don't give us this, Anna.
She is totally
ruining our lives.
You're the culprit.
Yeah, your mom has never
cared about our music.
Never cared?
Never cared?
Who do you think paid for
all of those guitar lessons?
And did she ever
hear a "thank you"?
No, I don't think so.
Come on, Anna,
you said it yourself.
Your mom hasn't paid
any attention to you
since she started
dating that guy.
That's not true.
Well, you talk about
it enough.
I do?
What is up
with you today?
You act like you don't even
care about this band.
Look, girls... Guys...
If it were any other
night but tonight...
Whatever, Anna.
[SIGHS] God.
[TIRES SQUEALING
IN DISTANCE]
[CAR HORNS HONKING]
[ALARM SOUNDING]
[TIRES SQUEALING]
[ROCK MUSIC BLARING]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
You picked up my car!
Yeah.
Get out of the car.
I'm driving.
Oh, my God.
What have you done to me?
Do you like it?
Get out
of the car right now!
Do you have your permit?
No.
My hair. It's gone!
And what is this?
What have you
done to my ear?
Mom, it's an earring!
Take it out.
Take it out right now!
No. It looks cool.
Don't start with me.
And those clothes are going
back first thing tomorrow!
Why? Everyone likes them.
You look great.
I look like
Stevie Nicks.
Who's he?
[GROANS]
And what are you
doing with this?
I'm eating.
You cannot eat fast food.
Why not?
Because it will go
down your throat,
and drop instantly
to my thighs.
Oh, come on.
Watch the road.
[SIGHS]
Oh, this food may make
you blow up like a balloon,
but it will do nothing
whatsoever to me.
Oh, Mom!
[SIGHS]
Oh, God, this is good.
Mom, that's not fair.
My first french fry
in eight years.
I can hear the
Hallelujah Chorus.
Road!
[HORN HONKING]
[GONG BANGS]
Oh, hi, hi, hi.
You back so soon.
Hey, sexy new look
for you, Mrs. Coleman.
You look hot.
Two for lunch?
No, Pei-Pei.
We'd like to speak to
you about something
that we think
happened to us at
your restaurant.
Yeah,
something that sucks.
Shh! Let me handle this.
TESS: Okay.
When we woke up this morning,
we weren't... Ourselves.
Yeah.
Oh. Mama!
Hey, hey, hey!
You come back here.
Hello, hello.
Did you give them
the fortune cookie?
[SPEAKING CANTONESE]
You should have heard
them going at it!
That's not up to you!
You can't butt into people's lives!
What did she say?
Oh. [LAUGHING]
She's crazy.
[SPEAKING CANTONESE]
Like a fox!
Someday they'll thank me.
I don't think so Mrs. Smarty Pants!
She's getting married tomorrow!!
[GASPS]
Nobody tells me
anything around here.
Well?
She don't know what you're
talking about. No idea.
Okay, let's have lunch.
Okay? Let's eat.
I think you know exactly
what we're talking about.
Let's hit her.
Uh... Okay, okay, okay.
Uh, I cannot fix it.
Only you can fix it.
When the fortune come true,
then you go back, not before.
What fortune?
From the fortune cookie.
You find the answer
in each other.
When the fortune come true,
then you go back, okay?
No big deal.
You mean, we're, like,
stuck in this suck-fest?
You're not going
to do anything?
How about 10%
off catering?
No, Pei-Pei,
I already told you,
we have a caterer.
Uh, actually, Mom,
there's something I
forgot to tell you.
Okay, good idea,
how about I do?
[GONG BANGS]
So, what did
that fortune say?
Like I remember?
Well, I don't
remember, either.
Oh, I hate this!
I don't wanna
get married at 15!
It's not even legal!
I want my room back,
I want my friends.
I want to eat whatever
I want when I want.
[VOICE BREAKING] Mommy.
I know, sweetie.
It's a hard day.
It's okay. We'll
get through it, sweetie.
Breathe. Deep breath.
We'll go home, and
we'll find the fortune...
[CELL PHONE RINGING
AND BUZZING]
Ooh! Make it stop!
Oh, my organizer.
It's been going off all day.
[GASPS]
Parent-teacher conference!
Oh, I completely forgot!
You have to be at Harry's
school in 15 minutes.
No! I hate teachers!
You have to go.
I'll go to your school,
and I'll take
your qualifying exam,
and everything
will be okay. Okay?
Yeah, but...
Okay, let's go.
Yeah, but...
Ugh!
[TIRES SCREECH]
Mom?
Yeah. Whatever.
[DOOR CLOSES]
Ah, Mrs. Coleman. Uh...
All right,
let's do this thing.
Okay.
Well, what can I say
about Harry? He...
He is a sweet boy.
[GRUNTS]
But he's having a little
trouble with bullies.
So?
That's character-building.
Kid needs to toughen up.
He's kind of a wimp.
So, that's it?
I can go?
Oh, no, no, no,
not exactly. Uh...
Harry's very bright,
but he's having a little
problem applying himself,
particularly in math.
So, hold him back.
I mean, he's short.
He'll fit in,
you know what I mean?
Um, well, you know,
he's very good in English.
I, um, I had the class
write an essay
on who they admire most,
and he wrote a
wonderful paper
about your daughter.
So, what'd she say?
She showed me
the paper you
wrote about Anna.
You saw that?
Mmm-hmm.
Well, don't tell
her I like her.
Well, why not?
Because we have
too much fun fighting.
[LAUGHS]
You know, kid, you are way
more twisted than I thought.
[LAUGHS]
Good try!
Oh, man!
Loser!
Good luck flunking.
Stacey...
I want to talk to you.
Come here.
Why this falling out?
We were best friends
in sixth grade.
I mean, I know I got
involved with my music,
and you became involved
with your cheerleading,
but why does this have
to be World w*r III?
I mean, all of those years
of trick-or-treating
and sleepovers.
Don't you remember
any of it?
I know I do.
I mean, how do you
feel about that?
WOMAN: All right, let's all
take our seats for the test.
Sit with me?
Communication.
That's all it takes.
Hey, there you are.
Ah! Ooh! You again.
Whoa, look at you.
[CHUCKLES]
Love the hair.
[GIGGLING]
Got a surprise for you.
You're gonna be happy with me.
I seriously doubt that.
Great dress. Sexy.
Uh... Oozing sore!
I don't see anything.
Ooh-hoo! Uh!
Uh! Makeup! Great stuff!
Hey, take it easy, stud.
Save it for the honeymoon.
You know what?
We have to go anyway.
Oh, no, I have to get
that fortune thingy.
No.
No time, Tessie.
I've got my sweater on.
No, no, really.
I just have to go up...
No, we have to leave now.
We'll spoil the surprise.
Watch your step.
Okay.
Watch your step.
Okay!
Still got
your eyes closed?
Uh, yeah.
All right, okay, relax.
Open them.
Huh?
You're on
The Dottie
Robertson Show.
They had a last-second
cancellation. You're on.
I got you on
The Dottie Robertson Show.
To talk about that book?
Ooh-ooh!
Break a leg, honey.
RYAN: I didn't want to say
anything to you because...
We're, uh, ready for you now.
Dr. Coleman?
I know you get nervous,
but you're gonna be great.
I'm gonna barf!
MAN: This way...
Go get 'em!
Watch your step.
Right this way. And...
I'm sorry.
I'm really not that person.
And right there.
There you go. Oh, sorry.
Okay, now, makeup's gonna
come to you, sweetie, okay?
ANNA: [THINKING]
What is this thing?
"Through the Looking Glass...
Senescence..."
Se-nes-cence?
Seeny-sincey?
What?
[GONG BANGS]
TESS: [THINKING]
"The sum of the areas of
the shaded regions above
"in terms of D is equal to...
"A... D squared times the sum
"of pi divided by four minus
D divided by two.
"B... D squared
times the sum of pi cubed
"divided by D minus two...
"Now, what is pi again,
three-point-something?
"Oh, this is ridiculous.
I've never used pi.
"Anna's never gonna use pi!
Why is it called pi anyway?
"Okay, focus."
[INHALES DEEPLY]
"Or C... D cubed minus
the sum of pi squared
"minus D two..."
Psst!
Miss Brown,
she's copying my test!
[CELL DOOR LOCKS]
[SNORING]
Hey, cheater.
I did not cheat.
That Stacey Hinkhouse
is a conniving little...
Hey, hey, whatever.
It's your business.
I did not cheat.
Don't you smirk at me.
If you're so perfect,
then why are you in
detention all the time?
I... I'm not in detention.
I work here.
[SIGHS]
Hey, look, what would
you say if I told you
I could help you
finish your test?
Really?
Yeah.
You know, my publisher doesn't
think anybody's gonna know
what the word
"senescence" means.
Do you know what it means?
No. Please
do sit still.
Okay.
All right, they keep
the tests in the file room.
We're going
through here?
[LAUGHS] They're so b*rned
out they won't even notice.
Trust me.
[INDISTINCT TALKING
ON TELEVISION]
Oh.
All right, all right,
all right. Coleman.
Anna Coleman.
Oh, my gosh, thank you.
Now hurry up
and finish your test.
[SIGHS] You know, you really
are something, Jake.
I'll watch the door.
MAN:
Back from commercial in 10.
Loved your book.
I actually read this one.
Oh. That makes one of us.
Ready. And three, two...
Hi, and welcome back.
We're here with
Dr. Tess Coleman,
author of Through
the Looking Glass,
Senescence in Retrograde.
So, Doctor, tell us
about your new book.
Well...
I wrote it.
[LAUGHTER]
Yes, you did.
But tell us...
What got you interested
in the physical and
intellectual exhaustion
that seems to overcome
those of us who are,
let's say, no longer 20.
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHTER]
Senescence, like senile!
Old people!
Got it! Got it!
And... And let's face it,
we are tired much of the time.
You know, that's why I've been
craving caffeine all day.
I thought I was dying.
[LAUGHTER]
[LAUGHTER]
But you still haven't
answered the
fundamental question.
Why are we so tired?
Well...
Of course we're tired
because of our demanding
and hectic and...
Do you want to know
why adults are so
tired all the time?
Because they spend
all their time obsessing
about these stupid,
lame things they don't
really have to do.
Like cooking.
I mean, have you never
heard of takeout?
And cleaning?
Let's don't
and say we did!
And quality time
with your kids?
You know what?
Quit bugging 'em!
Leave 'em alone!
They like it!
[LAUGHTER ON TV]
DOTTIE: I don't remember
reading any of this in your
book. [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
Hello? It's called
reading between the lines!
Oh, my God.
What?
That... That's my mom.
Try listening to the
Yeah Yeah Yeahs,
The Vines, The Breeders...
And if you're excited
about something,
why do you have to hold
it in all the time?
You know,
just scream about it!
Okay, do this with me,
all right?
Let's just say this
cute guy asks you out.
What are you gonna do?
Whoo!
CROWD: Whoo!
Whoo! [LAUGHS]
Come on!
That was pathetic!
You know, you keep
all that bottled up,
no wonder
you're getting old!
I'm serious!
This guy's hot!
What are you gonna do?
CROWD: Whoo!
God, your mom's cool.
I can't hear you!
CROWD: Whoo!
Oh, she is dead.
Worse than dead.
She will spend the next
year in a phoneless,
dateless, Amish existence.
I've gotta get home.
I've gotta get home.
♪ I never knew
girls existed like you
♪ She is beautiful,
she is beautiful
♪ The girl Is beautiful ♪
Listen, I need you
to give me a ride.
I thought your mom
didn't want you on a bike.
You know, you're a little
too virtuous, kid.
You know what?
I'm late for my second job.
Just give me the ride.
I know for a
fact my mother
will understand.
You know what? I'm just gonna
be very honest with you.
You seem really different than
the person I thought you were.
I mean, I saw what you
did to Stacey's test.
I think you're right.
You're too young for me.
But... But I don't
even know why I did that.
It's really not like me,
honestly.
Good luck, Anna.
Come on! They'll let
her retake the test!
Ooh!
That's the first time Tessie's
work hasn't put me to sleep.
I might even read
one of those books.
Hey...
Excuse me. Is Dr. Coleman
coming out soon?
Uh, Dottie
had her escorted
from the building
But she rocks, doesn't she?
Look, she signed my butt!
Whoo!
Yeah!
[LAUGHS]
Can I have a, uh,
quad-choc-caramel latte?
Mrs. Coleman?
Jake!
What are you
doing here?
I work here.
Hey, you know,
I caught the show.
Man, you sure were...
You were great.
Thanks.
How was Anna today?
I mean, was
she nice to you?
She was stressing
a little, you know,
but you know how it is
with school and...
Okay, 'cause, you know,
if she wasn't,
I'd have to punish her.
[LAUGHS]
You punish her?
Come on, no mom who
listens to The Vines
would punish anybody.
You like The Vines?
I got the bootlegs!
Shut up!
HARRY:
Whoo! Whoo!
Oh, Anna Banana,
it's you.
Where's Mom?
She ditched us at the studio.
Harry, get down from
the table this instant!
I'm imitating Mom.
You should've seen her today!
She was so cool!
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
Ooh, ooh ooh!
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
[SIGHS]
Ramones?
Love.
Uh, White Stripes?
Can't stand 'em.
Oh, I know! Me neither.
I mean, get a bass player.
♪ My loneliness is
k*lling me...
Oh, I love this song.
Am I so lame that I would
love ...Baby One More Time?
No, this cover's a classic.
TOGETHER:
♪ When I'm not with you
I lose my mind
♪ Give me a sign
♪ Hit me, baby, one more time
♪ Oh, baby, baby
♪ How was I supposed to know?
♪ Oh, pretty baby
♪ I shouldn't have
let you go... ♪
I...
I... I gotta go.
What? Don't go.
No, no. I... I have
a wedding rehearsal.
Okay, whose?
Mine. [CHUCKLES]
Are you serious?
I wish I wasn't.
Hey, look, you're not really
getting married, are you?
Please, listen...
This was so fun,
and I'm gonna
remember it forever...
Okay, but you
can't just...
Jake...
Look, look, I don't know
what's going on here, okay?
I don't know what this
whole thing is, all right?
I just...
I feel like I know you.
I have to go.
Really, I just...
Please. Just please...
Let me at least
give you a ride.
Okay.
There you are,
you little monster.
[SIGHS]
Okay.
♪ I See trees of green
♪ Red roses too
♪ I see them bloom
Tess!
♪ For me and you
Tess!
♪ And I say to myself
Tess!
♪ What a wonderful world ♪
[DOOR OPENS]
[MOTORCYCLE ENGINE REVVING]
Where have you been?
You needed to be dressed
a half hour ago!
Nowhere, Mom.
You tell me where you've
been right now, young lady!
Young lady?
Uh... Role-playing!
Her idea.
New therapeutic technique,
switching points of view.
If I switch with Harry,
do I have to wear a thong?
[MOCKINGLY] Earthquake!
Save me! Earthquake! Ahhh!
Get back here,
you little...
Anna, where do I even begin?
Could it be your
career-k*lling
TV appearance,
your nonstop partying
with my car and wallet,
or, perhaps, my body's
makeover from hell?
Are you listening
to a word I'm saying?
Yes.
And get that cheap stud
out of my ear.
Oh, Mom,
he is so awesome.
Who?
Jake.
Oh, please, Mommy,
can I go out with him?
Please, please, please?
Not in Ryan's
fiancee's body,
you can't.
Well, what am I supposed to
do in Ryan's fiancee's body?
Go to this
thing tonight? Be you?
Okay, that's today.
What about tomorrow, Mom?
I really, really, really
don't want to get married.
Well, I don't think
you're all that thrilled
about me getting married
either, Anna.
Why?
Why can't we talk
about this?
I mean, what is
it about Ryan
that you don't like?
He's fine.
But he's not
your father.
[SIGHS]
Mom, look...
I really don't wanna talk
about this right now.
Time's running out to
talk about it, honey.
Please, tell me.
Mom, do what you want.
Marry the dude.
Just don't make
me do it, okay?
RYAN: Tess?
[MOCKINGLY] Privacy's
a privilege, Anna.
Tess?
Go.
Yo, sup?
You know what?
I'm not really a
prying kind of guy,
but just
for the heck of it,
I was wondering what
you were doing on the
eve of our wedding
straddling some guy on the
back of a big, black Harley.
Hello? It was a Ducati.
RYAN: Tess, is there something
you'd like to tell me?
Some fantasy you're trying
to get out of your system?
Because I'd like
to know about it now.
I just needed a ride.
I... I didn't really
even know the guy.
I... I didn't
know what...
He's a friend
of mine, Ryan.
He likes me.
And my mom wouldn't
let me go out with him,
so I just had to beg her
to check him out for me.
And she did. And she
actually came to find
that he's a very
together young man.
And...
She approves.
Really?
Really.
Snap!
Uh-huh.
So, let's do
this thingy!
You mean
our wedding rehearsal?
Yeah, whatever.
[MOUTHING]
JAKE: ♪ Show me
how you want it to be
Let me go first.
♪ Tell me, baby
♪ 'Cause I need to know now,
Oh, because
♪ My loneliness is k*lling me
♪ And I
♪ I must confess
I still believe
[FALSETTO]
♪ Still believe
Excuse me.
♪ When I'm not with you,
I lose my mind
♪ Give me a sign
♪ Hit me, baby... ♪
Ooh!
Ugh!
What are you doing?
Shotgun!
I just want to talk
to your mom.
Are you insane?
I know I am.
What are you thinking?
How can you possibly
entertain ideas
about you
and a woman her age?
What are you talking about?
She looks great.
Really? Wow.
No! You have
to disappear!
I... I know
it's unconventional, okay?
And I know nothing can happen.
I'm not stupid.
I just...
I want to know her.
And I want to be able
to talk to her.
Do not come near
my mother or her fiance!
Do you understand?
Man, I don't understand
anything.
For God's sake, Jake,
you really need to find
someone your own age.
[CHUCKLES]
Anna,
you're beautiful, okay?
But you're not her.
Stop it! Promise
you'll leave my
mother alone.
TESS: [SINGSONG VOICE]
Anna Banana!
Ugh!
I'll give you one thing,
he definitely likes
you for your mind.
Ugh.
[LIGHT PIANO MUSIC PLAYS]
KIDS: Come on! Come on!
Hey.
All right,
let's do this.
Oh! Oh, well, there we go.
Oh, uh, I'll have one.
What are you doing?
Nothing.
Did you bring it?
Right here.
Can you get away?
Well, I'd love to.
It's just that I'm
meeting thousands of
Those are
Ryan's parents. Hi.
Doesn't make them
any less old.
Ryan...
Do you think I could borrow
my mother for just one minute?
Sure.
Ow!
Okay, there's gotta be
some clue here.
"A journey soon begins,
"its prize reflected
in another's eyes."
[SIGHS] Okay,
that was the switch.
Oh, let me see.
Okay, blah, blah, blah.
"Lack, then selfless love
will change you back."
Oh, great. So that means
we're stuck like this forever.
Now is not a moment
for your negativity.
Let's try
to be selfless.
Give me your hands.
[HUMMING]
Okay, I'm being selfless.
Are you being selfless?
Yeah, I'm being selfless.
Well, you're not doing
a very good job of it
because we're still here.
Oh, right.
So now it's
my fault, right?
Why is everything always...
[GASPS] It's Jake!
He must've followed us.
Mom, what're we gonna do?
Mom?
Mom!
Shh! Shh!
Don't... Don't scream.
Just listen to us.
We are half a block away
from the House of Blues.
Just tell 'em you're
going to the bathroom,
come, do the song,
you'll be back before
they know you've gone.
I can't.
I tried to learn your solo
and I suck.
Yeah.
Two other bands
have already gone,
and they both blew.
We might have a chance
if you come with us.
No, no, no, when I say
I can't, you don't
know the half of it.
Anna, don't make me
do this.
[GASPS]
OH! [GRUNTS]
What are you doing?
If Ryan sees you here,
it will blow everything.
I know. I'm sorry.
It's just...
When I look
into your eyes...
Stop it!
Jake, believe me,
it is not me
you like, it's Anna.
No, you're the exciting one,
the musical one.
Actually, I learned it
all from her.
I'm tone-deaf.
Tess?
Shh. Don't move.
Tess?
Oh, found it!
Found what?
My earring.
I found it.
I thought I lost it.
Anna's friends
decided to crash.
You guys!
RYAN: You know anything
about this?
Well... I think they're
trying to get Anna
to go to an audition
at the House of Blues,
which, of course,
had to be tonight,
but I said no.
She had to stay here.
You're kidding.
No, that's how it went
down. Listen...
I know it's not important
to you and that she's just a
girl in a stupid rock band...
Look, Dr. Coleman, dude,
I'm really sorry,
but couldn't we just
borrow Anna for,
like, 20 minutes?
We'd never ask you,
or, like, anybody for
anything ever again.
I am appalled
at you two.
I clearly said...
Go!
What?
Go.
Ryan...
What are you still
doing here?
Go! Right now!
Thank you! Thank you
so much!
I told you he wouldn't
totally ruin your life!
Thank you!
Mr. Dude...
You rock!
Thanks, Mitch.
Are you mad?
No.
Do you, like, not want
to get married now?
No.
No, I don't,
not if you're gonna
put me in this role.
What role?
The role of insensitive
stepfather
who couldn't care
less or thinks it's
a stupid rock band,
or any of the preposterous
things you just said.
How can you say I don't care?
I'm not that guy, Tess.
And if that's who you
think I am, then this
is never gonna work.
When I fell
in love with you,
I knew you came
with a history and a family,
and I respect
the hell out of that.
You've always
put the kids first.
That's exactly how
it should be.
That's how I want it.
I never pushed Anna
because I want her to like me
on her own terms,
in her own way.
Wow.
That's very cool.
Yeah.
Now, what are you
still doing here?
What do you mean?
You should be over there.
That's where you
ought to be.
Cheering her on.
That's where
I want you to be.
Go on. Go.
I can hold down
the fort here
for 20 minutes.
Wish her luck for me.
Okay.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]
Whoa, hold it.
Oh, you're
not serious. No!
Okay, great.
I've got ID For once.
Thanks.
[SIGHS] So, it's
a good crowd out there.
Anna, what are
you doing?
What's wrong?
I can't do this.
Since when
do you get nervous?
No, I really, really can't.
Come on, Anna, you rock
harder than anyone I know.
Well, the rocking
may be in short
supply tonight, girls.
What do you mean?
I'm just not myself.
Anna, look, I know
you're stressing, okay?
We all are,
and I know that maybe
it won't be brilliant,
but we'll forgive
each other for that.
We'll find some way
to laugh about it later.
Right now, I just really
want us to take
this sh*t, okay?
Yeah, we'll still love you,
even if it blows.
Yeah.
Okay, okay, okay,
I'll try.
I mean,
how hard can it be?
Okay, so don't forget,
we changed the
chord progression
in the first verse
from C-C-D to C-D-C.
You play notes?
I mean... I just
thought we could play
in the key of "rock!"
Yeah, okay.
Let's fix your hair.
Yeah, what's
with the bun?
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
Mrs. Coleman!
Jake, stop!
Look, I know it.
You're running
away from him.
Jake, if you like me at all,
you will just leave me alone.
Yeah, but...
Please, no!
ANNOUNCER: Ladies
and gentlemen, please
welcome to the stage
the next act in the KIIS FM
Wango Tango auditions,
from right here
in Los Angeles,
let's give it up
for Pink Slip!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]
♪ Yeah
♪ Yeah
♪ Get up, get out
♪ Move on, move on,
there's no doubt
Do something!
♪ I'm all wrong, you're right,
it's all the same with you
♪ I'm too thin, too fat,
You ask why
♪ So why, so why,
so why, so why?
♪ On and on and on...
[SPEAKER FEEDBACK]
♪ On and on and on and on
♪ Don't wanna grow up,
I wanna get out
♪ Hey, take me away
[SPEAKER FEEDBACK]
♪ I want to shout out,
take me away
♪ Away, away, away
♪ Awa-a-a-y
♪ Round and round,
here we go again
♪ Same old start,
same old end
♪ Turn my head,
I turn back again ♪
What are you doing?
I can't do this!
It was horrifying!
No, no, it's okay, Mom.
I unplugged you.
Just go back out there
and fake it.
No, I don't even know
how to do that.
Come on, Mom,
you can't tell me
you never went
to a rock concert.
Okay, I saw
the Stones once.
Okay, great, great!
Just go out there
and act like Keith!
Keith, right, yeah.
Richards, Mom!
I knew that.
All right,
just go act like Keith.
Act like Keith.
Act like Keith.
Not the behavior?
No, just the playing!
Now get out there!
Your solo's coming!
♪ Don't wanna grow up,
I wanna get out
♪ Hey, take me away
♪ I want to shout out,
Take me away
♪ Away, away, away
♪ Awa-a-a-y
[GUITAR SOLO]
♪ Don't wanna grow up,
I wanna get out
♪ Hey, take me away
♪ I want to shout out,
take me away
♪ Away, away, away, away
Whoo! Anna, you rock!
♪ Round and round,
here we go again
♪ Same old story,
same old end
♪ Turn my head,
and turn back again
♪ Same old stuff,
never ends ♪
[CHEERING]
Yeah!
It's a little early,
but I think you guys
are definitely in.
BOY: All right!
Are we in?
Yes!
Oh, it was terrifying.
I had no idea what it takes.
I mean, the guts.
Thanks.
It's exciting,
your music.
It's not noise?
Most definitely
not noise.
Oh, my God! Ryan!
Anna?
My first wedding
went like this, you know.
Like what?
She ran away
with the florist.
Whole thing
went right down the tubes.
Don't make me hurt you.
Hmm.
Oh...
GRANDPA: There she is.
Look, look, look.
Ah.
[SIGHS]
Mom, what's wrong?
I have to ask you
to do something for me.
Sure, Mom, whatever.
I mean, after what you
just did for me, anything.
It needs to happen now
before all the toasts
and speeches.
Okay.
Clearly, we're not
switching back tonight.
I need you to tell Ryan
that you need
to postpone the wedding.
What?
No, listen, I can see
you're not ready for this.
And I can wait.
I guess that
I was just so happy,
I wasn't thinking
about what's best
for you and Harry.
But... But, Mom.
If he loves me
like I think he does,
he'll wait, too.
He'll understand.
He'll be very sweet
and gracious about it.
But please...
Just please let him know
that I love him...
And be as kind
as you possibly can...
For me.
Okay, Mom.
I know exactly
what to say.
I'll be along
in a minute.
Um...
You should sit down.
[GLASS DINGS]
Uh, hi.
Um...
I... I guess, uh,
I'm gonna start the toasts.
So, three years ago,
we had a really bad thing
happen in our family.
We lost a father
and a husband,
and I didn't think
we'd ever be able
to get over it.
But then...
This guy next to me...
Came into the picture.
And everybody could see
I was happy again.
I was singing
in the shower again...
Not well, I might add.
[LAUGHTER]
But I was still
really worried about
my kids, Anna and Harry,
whether they'd be able to...
Accept a new man
in their life.
And... And now I know
how Anna feels.
And... And what
she feels is that...
No one, um, could ever
take the place of her dad...
[VOICE BREAKING]
Because he was
a really great dad.
But somebody could...
[SNIFFLES]
Uh, be part of
a new family...
Its own kind of cool, new,
little unit...
And that for someone
as special as Ryan,
that we would all
just make a little room.
Anna really wanted
her mom to know that.
[RUMBLING]
Earthquake!
[GONG BANGS]
[GONG BANGS]
[GONG BANGS]
Yeah!
Ooh!
And I am so psyched
to be here!
I guess all
I'm trying to say is,
Ryan, welcome
to our family.
To the bride and groom.
What the hell
just happened?
Trust me,
you don't want to know.
[BOTH SIGHING]
[GIGGLES]
Thank you
for everything.
I love you.
I love you, too.
What?
Go.
Go.
Hi.
Hi.
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
Listen, I feel
really stupid.
You know, I...
It's just yesterday
was... Freaky,
and, I mean,
I see your mom,
and I like her.
I mean,
not "like her" like her,
but, you know, I mean,
like her as your mom.
Listen...
Do you think
we could just...
Rewind this whole thing
and start again?
I'd like that.
Yeah.
♪ Mmm-mmm
♪ So all your words
get noticed
♪ Oh, no
You know, I've been thinking
about that kiss.
Kiss?
Remind me again
how I did it.
In front of your mom?
It's okay. She owes me.
♪ And I
♪ I think
I'll change my ways
♪ I-I-I-I-I-I-I
♪ I-I-I-I-I-I-I
♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh
♪ Tomorrow's a brand new day ♪
[COOS]
[LIGHT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS]
Hey, why don't you ask
that girl to dance?
No way!
Come on,
go on over there.
Stop bugging me.
[SIGHS] Boy, it's true.
Youth is wasted on the young.
[SCOFFS] you go ask her,
then, you old fart.
Hey, now, wait a minute!
Why, if
I was your age, oh!
Cookie?
Well, I...
Why, yes,
I don't mind if I do.
PEI-PEI: Mama!
What are you doing?
Mama!
Grandpa! Harry! No!
Okay!
♪ You're the kind of friend
who always bends
♪ When I'm broken
♪ Like remember when
♪ you took my heart
and put it back together again
♪ I've been wasting time
with clueless guys
♪ But now it's over
♪ Let me tell you why
I'm through
♪ I've got someone new
who's just like you
♪ You're it,
you're the ultimate
♪ It's a*t*matic,
I'm sure of it, no lie
♪ So don't even try
to tell me that
you're not the guy
♪ 'Cause I've been waiting
all my life
♪ For someone just like you
♪ But you're it,
you're the ultimate, you
♪ You're the kind of guy
who's hands in mine
♪ Sends shivers
up and down my spine
♪ I want to do to you
what you do to me
♪ You're the kind of guy
that blows my mind
♪ And now it's my turn
♪ You've been right
in front of me
♪ Everything I need,
why didn't I see?
♪ You're it,
you're the ultimate
♪ It's a*t*matic,
I'm sure of it, no lie
♪ So don't even try to tell
me that you're not the guy
♪ 'Cause I've been waiting
all my life
♪ For someone just like you
♪ But you're it,
you're the ultimate, you
[GUITAR SOLO]
♪ You're it,
you're the ultimate
♪ It's a*t*matic,
I'm sure of it, no lie
♪ So don't even try to tell me
that you're not the guy
♪ 'Cause I've been waiting
all my life
♪ For someone just like you
♪ But you're it,
you're the ultimate, you
♪ You're It,
You're the ultimate, you ♪
[CHEERING]
♪ Imagine me and you,
I do
♪ I think about you day
and night, it's only right
♪ To think about the girl
You love and hold her tight
♪ So happy together
♪ If I should call you up,
invest a dime
♪ And you say you belong to me
and ease my mind
♪ Imagine how the world
could be so very fine
♪ So happy together
♪ I can't see me loving
nobody but you
♪ For all my life
♪ When you're with me,
baby, the skies will be blue
♪ For all my life
♪ Me and you
and you and me
♪ No matter how
they toss the dice
♪ It has to be
♪ The only one for me is you
and you for me
♪ So happy together
♪ If I should call you up,
Invest a dime
♪ And you say you belong to me
and ease my mind
♪ Imagine how the world
could be so very fine
♪ So happy together
♪ Together
♪ I can't see me loving
nobody but you
♪ For all my life
♪ When you're with me,
baby, the skies will be blue
♪ For all my life
♪ For all my life
♪ Yeah!
♪ Call you up,
ease my mind
♪ Ease my mind
♪ Ease my mind
♪ I can't see me loving
nobody but you
♪ For all my life
♪ When you're with me,
baby, the skies will be blue
♪ For all my life
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
♪ So happy together
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba,
ba-ba-ba-ba
♪ So happy together
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba,
ba-ba-ba-ba
♪ So happy together ♪
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba,
ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
♪ Hey, boys,
Hey, girls
♪ Hey, anybody
who will listen to me
♪ In case you haven't noticed
♪ It's just me
against the world today
♪ I Fell out of the wrong side
of the bed
♪ And landed
in the worst mood
♪ With that stupid alarm clock
screaming at me
♪ From across the room
♪ I'm trying to be nice
♪ I'm trying
to be reasonable
♪ But it's oh, so hard
when I don't wanna be
♪ 'Cause it's me
against the world
♪ Oh, what a stupid day
♪ Yeah, it's me
against the world
♪ Just stay out of my way
♪ And in case
you haven't noticed
♪ And in case
you haven't heard
♪ It's just me
against the world
♪ And the world is winning
♪ Should have let me stay
in bed
♪ I've got this pounding
in my head
♪ No, nothing's okay
♪ Won't you stay
out of my face today?
♪ I'm slammin' doors,
I'm slammin' phones down
♪ Watch out for
this temper tantrum
♪ Stay out of my way
♪ 'Cause if you don't,
you will be scared away
♪ I'm trying to be nice
♪ I'm trying to be reasonable
♪ But it's oh, so hard
when I don't wanna be
♪ 'Cause it's me
against the world
♪ Oh, what a stupid day
♪ Yeah, it's me
against the world
♪ Just stay out of my way
♪ And in case
you haven't noticed
♪ And in case
you haven't heard
♪ It's me against the world
♪ And the world is winning ♪
Freaky Friday (2003)
Moderator: Maskath3