05x12 - Olu! I Popped!

[bunniefuu]

Ah. Good morning.

Morning. Hey, what do we think
about this for Kemi's wedding?

Caesar's Palace, top floor.

And if we tell 'em it's our anniversary,

- we get a fruit plate.
- Mm.

I do like free fruit.

Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

We cannot have a better room
than Kemi on her wedding day.

If she finds out, she will be furious.

Here's an idea. Don't tell her.

She will ask for a
complimentary room upgrade,

they will say it is taken,

she will come up to the room
to pester the occupants,

she will find out that
we are the occupants,

and we will be dead to her.

Right, she would do that.

I'm just excited to
have a weekend getaway

with you in Sin City...
drinking, dancing.

Sinning.

I will need to stay focused.

When it is time for my
maid of honor speech,

I cannot be drunk on minibar booze.

On what?

Minibar booze.

Bubbles?

Bar booze.

I'm not gonna get it.

Just let me hear your speech.

Oh. Okay. [CLEARS THROAT]

Oluwakemi Adeyemi, this is your wedding.

You are a mother, you are a grandmother.

You are a friend.

You are my friend.

So far, we're not gonna get
dinged by the fact checkers.

[LAUGHS]

[CLEARS THROAT]

You have three children,

five grandchildren.

Two of them are boys.

Three of them are girls.

So?

Maybe you should drink.

["IFANLA" BY SOLA AKINGBOLA PLAYING]


This stew is delicious, Mummy.

Thank you. Kemi, help yourself to more.

You are looking older
and frailer than usual.

[LAUGHS]

Do not tempt a bride.

I am shredding for the wedding.

And I am keeping it
tight for the big night.

[LAUGHS]

Do not tempt me.

[BOTH MAKE KISSING NOISES]

Yuck.

Sorry, Mummy.

We are just two crazy kids in love.

You are a kid. She is crazy.

You are such a joy to have around.

It's too bad that after we are married,

we will never see you again.

Did you not talk to her?

Of course we have discussed
you living with us.

We have, and with any luck,
by the time that happens,

I'll be dead.

From your lips to God's ear.

I'm sure my son will not be comfortable

with his mother living alone.

I do worry about her well-being.

Oh, she's as healthy as a horse.

She could pull a chuck
wagon with those teeth.

My strong smile does come from you.

Fine. I just hope

this conversation doesn't haunt you

when I am eating here alone

[VOICE BREAKING]:
and choke to death on a fishbone.

We cannot let that happen.

Before we move out,

I will teach you how to
properly debone a fish.

_

It's booked! Hey, when we get to Vegas,

I'm treating you both to
Thunder from Down Under.

[GLORIA LAUGHS]

Are you sure Chukwuemeka
will be comfortable

with you going to something like that?

Oh. I've never thought about that.

And I have no intention
of ever thinking about it.

This is married life.
You're gonna have to get used

to checking in with each other.

I got the hall pass from Lester.

Oh, so you are going to be sleeping

with one of the Thunder Men.

No, but I'm gonna be
stuffing some dollars

down some banana hammocks.

[BOTH LAUGH]

I will be telling Bob. And I think

you should tell Chukwuemeka.

Ugh. In my first marriage,

my husband controlled my every move.

He even picked out my outfits.

- Oh, that's terrible.
- I know.

They were never revealing enough.

The top half of my breasts
did not see the sun till 2006.

Do not let your first
husband impact your life

with Chukwuemeka.

A healthy marriage is a partnership.

He will be my partner.

A silent one.

What about his mother? You know,

Chuey wants her to move in one day,

and she's not gonna be very quiet.

Don't worry. Where she's going,

I will never have to hear her.

Now, I am worried.

I'm talking about a nursing home.

Oh. Sounded like you was gonna k*ll her.

No, no, no.

That is very far down
my list of options.

_

To Chukwuemeka and Kemi.

May your marriage be as smooth...

as this whiskey.

Hear, hear!

This stuff's expensive. Either drink up,

or you owe me $40.

I do not deserve it.

I am a bad son.

For not living with your mom?

Got to tell you, I'd be popping bottles.

He says these things,
but the man is a teddy bear.

I am not.

He lives with two mothers.

Why do you think I drink whiskey?

Mummy has never been on her own.

Never?

Well, once I went

to a pharmaceutical conference.

Well, see? And nobody got hurt.

She fell in the shower
and broke her hip.

Oh.

Perhaps you should get
her a shower chair.

Once you soap and sit,

you will never go back.

So, you've never lived apart?

Not even college?

I was at home.

It was close to school,

and Mummy could drop me
off on her way to work.

Your mom dropped you off at college.

That couldn't have
helped with the ladies.

Oh, no.
She acquired several dates for me.

Well, maybe it is good you
are cutting the apron strings.

You should also burn the apron.

I'm not a mommy's boy.

I have been taking care of
her since my father d*ed.

I didn't know that.

I was nine.

She would not eat or get
out of bed for weeks.

That's a lot to put on a kid.

She put nothing on me.

I wanted to do it.

[VOICE BREAKING]:
But you were just a boy.

I know.

And now her little boy's leaving her.

Give me that.

I'm gonna go call my mom.

_

It's not zipping.

I am sure you can let it out.

This is how she wanted it.

Maybe it'll zip if we sit on you.

Works for luggage.

Okay.

- Breathe in.
- [INHALING DEEPLY]

[ZIPS]

I feel beautiful.

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

I will get it.

I will stand right here.

- Hello, Abishola.
- Huh-uh.

You cannot see Kemi
in her wedding dress.

Yes, go away!

I am ravishing!

It is important.

Okay, let him in.

Let us give them a moment to talk.

But do not look at her.

Try not to breathe deeply.

You will pop a seam
like a water balloon.

So, what is so urgent?

I have decided I cannot abandon Mummy.

I am all she has.

So you want me to live with a woman

who constantly insults my cooking,
my looks, my age?

- You do the same to her.
- That is different.

She's old, and she cannot cook.

Can you at least try? For me?

What if I say "no"?

You are not even making an effort.

Because I don't want to.

My marriage, my rules!

It's my marriage, too.

I know Mummy can be harsh.

She's a strong woman, just like you.

Do not compare me to that witch!

Do not call her that!

She's living with us, end of story.

I will not marry a man
who will not put me first!

And I will not marry a woman
who could be so selfish!

- Well, then, fine!
- Fine!

Yeah, go. Get out!
Go and cry to your mommy!

- Bye! Oh.
- [DOOR CLOSES]

Damn it. Olu!

I popped!

_

Cheers.

What exactly are we celebrating?

The fact that I am a strong,
independent woman,

and I have no need for any useless men.

Well, it's a good thing Abishola does.

Cheers, everybody.

You are going to cancel
the wedding over this?

Good question. Yes.

Chukwuemeka's a sweet guy
that cares about his family.

It's admirable.

It's sickening.

Remind me when I'm
picking my next husband,

he should have dead parents.

Kemi, you cannot turn
your back on Chukwuemeka.

I don't want to.

Why can't he just abandon his
mother like white people do?

Hey, I'm living with two moms.

Okay, some white people.

Kemi, you are being stubborn.

I'm doing what I want for once.

You should support me.

Well, she does support you.

I do not.

All right, that's all I have.

A real friend tells you the truth.

Be careful.

I can get rid of a husband

and a best friend.

Kemi, come on.

I'm not being unreasonable.

You are a good man,
you have a nice hot tub.

You and me are fine.

_

OGECHI: Chukwuemeka!

I have tea and biscuits!

The sweetness will wash away
the memory of that jezebel.

No, thank you, Mummy.

What have you got there?

[SOFT GASP] Are we
finally going on our trip?

No, the mother-son golden oldies cruise

will have to wait.

I'll be at the hotel.

Are you meeting her?

I'm meeting no one.

I need a break from all of this.

I understand.

She is a horrible, suffocating woman.

I will get my bag.

No, Mummy.

I need space from you, too.

So you leave me alone
like an unwanted dog?

I left food in the fridge.

Make sure you put water in my bowl.

That is enough.

I have spent my life taking care of you.

I did not go to college
where I wanted to,

I did not take a job where I wanted to,

and now I am not marrying who I want to.

I just want one night

where your needs do not control my life.

Eh-eh, eh-eh, do not be so dramatic.

That will not work this time.

[PANTING]

Mummy.

Mummy!

_

How is she?

She had a heart att*ck.

She's stable now.

Oh, thank God.

I shouted at her.

How could you?

And what did you say?

I cannot repeat it.

I am ashamed enough as it is.

Oh, my love,
there is nothing to be ashamed of.

You have always been a good son.

OGECHI: Until tonight.

Mummy, you are awake.

How are you feeling?

Alive, which means
your curse did not work.

I am so sorry, Mummy.

I should never have spoken to you

in such a way.

Oh, my darling, stop.

If it is anybody's fault, it is mine.

Look at that,

we finally agree on something.

I spoke to the doctor.

They will not need to do surgery.

That is wonderful.

But she will not be able to
travel for several weeks,

which means she will miss the wedding.

[SCOFFS]

I don't even know if there's
going to be a wedding.

Of course there will.

Really?

You still want to
share your life with me

even though I put you
through all of this?

I have the same question.

I love you.

I want to be your husband.

And I want to be your wife.

Can I have another pillow for my face?

We will postpone the wedding
until your mother can attend.

You would do that for Mummy?

Please don't make me say it again.

If you change your date,

you may lose your dream venue.

I do not care where we get married.

You are my dream.

And you are mine.

_

["AVE MARIA" BY FRANZ SCHUBERT PLAYS]

Thanks for doing this.

Of course.

You do a lot of hospital weddings?

Mostly last rites.

Makes sense.

I've been waiting so long for this day.

It is just how I imagined it.

Really?

- ["LET'S START" BY FELA KUTI PLAYS]
- FELA: One, two, three.

♪ ♪

[FELA VOCALIZING]

[SINGING IN YORUBA]

♪ ♪

[MUSIC STOPS]

Nice moves.

You haven't seen anything yet.

The dress looks marvelous, my love.

What can I say?
She finally stopped eating.

We are here to witness the joining of

two souls, Oluwakemi Adeyemi

and Chukwuemeka David Mborie,

who will now exchange rings

and read their vows.

Kemi,

before I found you,

I was just a lonely pharmacist.

But then we met,

and you gave me a prescription for love.

Every day

you have refilled that prescription,

and the only side effect

is that my heart skips a
b*at every time I see you.

I cannot wait to spend

the rest of my life cherishing you

and loving you till the day I die.

Chukwuemeka,

I never thought I'd find love again.

I was resigned to a
never-ending hot girl summer.

But the first time
I opened your lab coat,

I knew I was home.

You make me feel safe,

you make me feel seen,

you make me feel 20 years younger,

which would make me 18 years old.

[LAUGHS]

I thank God for sending you to me.

Well, if no one has any objections...

...I now pronounce you husband and wife.

[APPLAUSE]

♪ ♪

[FELA VOCALIZING]

I cannot wait for the honeymoon.

Be respectful, I'm a married woman now.

Oh, sorry.

I'm just joking.

When I get you home,

I'm going to undress you with my teeth.

[GROWLS]

♪ ♪

_

You know, this was nice.

Yes, it was.

I felt bad kicking that
guy out of the chapel.

I hope his grandpa's okay.

You gonna give your speech?

Mmm.

Hold my Jell-O.

Hello, everyone,
I'd like to say a few words.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Hello, I am speaking!

Thank you.

"Oluwakemi Adeyemi and I
met back in 1999.

"It was in Lagos at a bus
stop during monsoon season.

"The rain was coming down so hard.

"We went to a Mr. Bigg's restaurant

"and Kemi bought me a meat pie.

"The pie was a little cold,

"but thank you anyway, Kemi.

"For the meat pie

"and other things you
have done since then.

The end."

[APPLAUSE]

That is exactly how it happened.

- Beautiful.
- Such a moving story.

Thank you, my sister.

You are welcome.

You know, I helped with that.

Don't talk to me.
I missed Vegas for this.

Are you tired?
Do you want to go back to your room?

I am doing quite well. The champagne

is mixing nicely with my painkillers.

Mummy, I am not sure...

Oh, shut up, husband.

Let her have her fun.

I was thinking,

it is only fair that,
as husband and wife,

you enjoy your home to yourselves.

Really?

I can manage on my own.

Thank you, Mummy.

What is wrong with you?

We cannot accept that.
She is your mother.

You will come and live with us.

Are you sure?

You may want to give us
a few weeks, though,

to break in our marital bed.

And our marital kitchen counter.

Oh, and our marital dining room table.

I want to go back to my room now.

This is the best day of my life.