06x15 - I Wish You Roses

[bunniefuu]

♪ My mother, my dad,
my foot on the gas ♪

Much like trying on jeans,

college is all about
finding where you fit in.

But not in a clique-y
"Mean Girls" kind of way.

More in a figuring out
what feels good kind of way.

But also like trying on
the right pair of jeans,

finding where you fit in college

can be a painful process.

Mm. It's giving moose knuckle.

That thang do be thangin', though.

I'm lucky that found my fit
in a lot of different places

with my living situation.

You used up all the hot water.

With talent management,

I commissioned this piece for the frat

from my little Banks-quiat, "The Squid."

Mm, I think it's a commentary

on the inevitable calamity of society.

- [PHONE CHIMES]
- _

With my Gamma brother turned
business partner Brock,

we're still working on it,
but we're growing to trust

and respect each other.


[LAUGHS]

He be playing too much.

And of course, with my
ride-or-die friend group.

My first national campaign.

And there's even going to be billboards.

Yes.

I may be too cool to be
seen with you guys now.

And too humble.

[HORSE NEIGHS]

[WESTERN MUSIC]

[BOOTS CLANKING]

♪ ♪

But sometimes, you once fit as friends,

then lovers, then back to friends,

then to three-way lovers until you're...

I don't know what.

♪ ♪

And even though you say things are Gucci

for the good of the friend group,

the fit still feels a little...

eh...

weird.

I reckon this campus ain't big enough

for the three of us.

♪ ♪

I mean, physically, it is.

But...

metaphorically, it's
going to be mighty tight.

♪ ♪

BOTH: ♪ Watch out, world ♪

♪ I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ Learn something new every day ♪

♪ I don't know so I'ma feel my way ♪

♪ Got the weight of the world on me ♪

♪ But no regrets ♪

♪ This is what I say ♪

BOTH: ♪ Watch out, world ♪

♪ I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ You can't tell me nothin' ♪

BOTH: ♪ My heartbeat is so loud ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Mama, look, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ ♪

[WESTERN MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Hello? Earth to Andre, hello.

- Did you hear what Kiela said?
- What? No.

Have you been practicing
your daily stretches

for the Dance-a-thon tonight?

I'm not about to have a
partner with tight hamstrings.

Oh, yes, of course.

My hammies are loose, and
I'm ready to shake my caboose.

Yeah, right.

Flexibility has never
really been your strong suit.

I was actually voted Most
Limber in high school.

- Thank you.
- Oh, my gosh, I was voted Stiffest.

Because of my scoliosis.

But trust, I am coming correct.

The Cal U Gamma Dance-a-thon

is one of the biggest
events of the year.

Yeah, and nothing gets your
girl going like bragging rights.

Well, you know, except civil rights

and reproductive rights.

Ugh, well, my partner tore his
Achilles playing basketball.

Now we're just going
to watch "Step Up 2"

and probably do hand stuff.

Who's your partner, Annika?

Well I held a campus-wide charity

competition on my IG Live.

And the winner gets to be
my dance partner tonight.

Can everyone stop bragging about

going to the Dance-a-thon?

Some of us can't go because we have

- a mandatory family dinner.
- Mm.

Oh, a mandatory family dinner

also sounds like it could be fun.

Oh, my God, girl.

- What?
- [BOTH LAUGH]

Hope your partner isn't a creeper.

Wow.

I thought things would still be weird,

but maybe everything's Gucci after all.

Douglas. I come bearing gifts.

And that gift is me
finally closing my bar tab.

- Yeah?
- Oh, yeah.

I'll believe it when I see it.

You know, now that your
boy is a big-sh*t professor,

I've been using Chime to
take charge of my finances.

[PHONE CHIMES]

Speaking of big sh*ts,
you remember this critic

that came through a while
ago when I singlehandedly

saved you and Andre's friendship?

Yes, I do remember him.

Yeah, the review came out today.

Damn. I'm sorry.

What, he went in on the bar?

No.

It was complimentary, actually.

Glowing, even.

OK.

So why aren't we taking sh*ts?

Because for one, it's 10:00 a.m.

And two, he gave all
of the credit to Ray.

I mean, the whole thing was Doug-less.

Damn. Sucks, dude.

I don't know.

I guess we're both licking our wounds.

Me with this dumb review

and you with the whole
Edie situationship breakup.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, my friend.

My wounds are lick-free. I'm chilling.

- Oh. Are you sure about that?
- Yeah.

You know, denial isn't
just a river in Egypt.

Denial. [EXHALES]

I don't know her.

But what I do know is that
this review is going to be

in your rear view, partner. Why?

Because tonight, we're
going to be dancing

until we're the last ones standing.

Oh.

♪ We're going to the
Cal U Dance-a-thon ♪

- Let me hear you say it.
- ♪ Cal U Dance-a-thon ♪

One more time. Come on.

BOTH: ♪ Cal U Dance-a-thon ♪

This is our year, baby. Let's go.

Yes. Trophy time for Team Darron!

And since Gamma alumni
are allowed to enter.

Yeah.

This is our chance to
harpoon the white whale.

No, you know, we almost had it in 2019

if I didn't get that DQ
for trying to tie my shoe.

But, you know, that's why tonight

we're going to go laceless.

And we're also going to go ruthless.

- Yeah.
- ♪ Cal U Dance-a-thon ♪

Everybody, come on.

♪ Cal U Dance-a-thon ♪

Let me hear you say it.

♪ Cal U Dance-a-thon ♪

As the rest of us were
getting ready to burn up

the dance floor, Zaara was getting ready

for a tame evening with her family.

Salam, family.

Why does everyone
look like they just ate

Jamila Auntie's samosa casserole?

You might want to look down.

♪ ♪

How did you find that?

Jamila Auntie sent it to our group text.

There's a whole billboard over the store

where she buys her
samosa casserole spices.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Jamila Auntie just dropped to


Whew, competition is stiff this year,

so we might have to take
matters into our own hands.

I like where your head's at.

I've been working on
this, like, leg sweep.

Subtle, but deadly.

And I told you, that jiu-jitsu's finally
coming in handy. [GRUNTS]

Yeah, smooth.

♪ Ooh, baby, oh ♪

♪ Gotta get my heart body pumping ♪

♪ Pumping ♪

♪ And I want more ♪

♪ Yeah, baby, oh ♪

Kiki, how you doing?

Kiki?

Are we, uh... we're doing nicknames now?

Well, I mean, yeah. It's less syllables.

More energy to cut a rug.

- It's kind of tactical.
- OK.

- Yeah.
- OK, yeah.

I can get down with that, uh, Andy.

- Mm.
- No, that's not...

It's not cute.

I cannot believe that I am here with

the host of "Social Submarine."

I can't believe that I'm
here with the Jermaine.

Oh, sh*t, sorry.

I mean, the Gerald.

Girl, you can call me
Chaka Khan for all I care.

I am just happy to be here.

Now, I do know the entire
"Single Ladies" choreography

front to back. [LAUGHS]

If some kind of dance-off
situation occurs...

The [BLEEP]?

OK, so not a Beyoncé fan.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the rules of the Cal U Gamma
Dance-a-thon are simple.

Whichever couple
dances the longest wins.

Now you can switch your
partners as the night goes on.

But you must keep dancing,
and you must be coupled up.

Capisce? All right, then.

Let's get this party started.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

♪ I can't tell you how to go ♪

♪ I want closure ♪

♪ Are we over ♪

♪ Though we had something special ♪

Is Andre into Kiela?

Am I into Kiela?

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

♪ Free yourself for moving up ♪

♪ That mountaintop ♪

♪ Why don't you please ♪

Just as the group recovers
from threesome-gate,

of course I'm getting
the hots for Kiela.

But I mean, who
wouldn't? She's beautiful.

She's smart.

We clearly have physical chemistry.

It's just, I think I'm feeling...

I don't know.

I'm feeling romantical.

I gotta go talk to my brothers.

You OK?

You seem distracted.

Yeah, yeah. No, I'm great.

I just, I realized I got
to go talk to No Shirt Nick.

Shall we sashay that-a-way?

♪ ♪

What it do, you two?

Mind if I steal my bestie
Kiela for a quick chat?

Here, Andre, take George.

Good idea.

Yeah, I was just about to
go bro down with the Gammas.

You know, man to man.

No girls allowed.

Uh, this isn't stated in the
IG competition fine print.

- Right.
- OK.

- Ooh!
- Let's go this way.

Yeah, yeah. Keep dancing.

Fellas, I think we got a problem.

- What's up?
- I think I like-like Kiela.

- Oh.
- Damn.

Of course you like a girl
who lets you smash her

and your ex at the same time, right?

No, no, no, bro.

We were dancing earlier and I
put my hand on her lower back.

And then my heart started to just go

ba-donk, ba-donk, ba-donk.

So how do I go from
[BLEEP]-boy to boyfriend?

With a Y.

Well, you've come to the
right place, my brother.

First, called the eldest
living male member of her clan.

Then you ask for her hand,
like on "Game of Thrones."

Medieval classy style.

What? No.

What you got to do is,
you got to let her know

you are an upstanding
gentleman, you know?

You got cufflinks, right?

You know b*tches love cufflinks.

Cufflinks?

You don't even got any
cuffs to link, [BLEEP].

The foolishness.

How on Earth did you
get a queen like Annika?

Well, I was patient and I
waited for the right moment

to make a move, I guess.

Well, then do that.

And stay away from these clowns.

♪ ♪

So girly,

I noticed you and Andre
getting cozy on the dance floor

and I wanted to get the inside scoop.

Everyone's been talking about it.

You guys look so cute
together, don't you think?

Oh. Well, I don't know. It's not...

Oh, so you don't think
you look good together.

Well, no, I'm not saying that.

- It's just that...
- Oh, so you agree.

You do think you look cute together.

Look, nothing's going on
between Andre and I, OK?

We're just two good old friends

having a good old time at
a good old Dance-a-thon.

A, uh, friend got me into modeling.

And at first it was kind of silly,

but then it turns out I'm
actually kind of good at it.

Of course you're good at it.

You've got my cheekbones
and your father's strong jaw.

That's not the point.

The point is we sent you to school

to learn to practice medicine.

Not to swerve looks.

It's "serve lewks," mummy -ji.

It's just a thing that I do

to make some extra money
and wear cool clothes.

See? Nothing to worry about.

Zaara is still focusing on her studies

and going to be a doctor.

[GRUNTS]

Baba, I am not going to be a
model or a doctor, actually.

Come again, beti?

Daddy-ji, mummy-ji,

I don't want to study medicine anymore.

Zaara, my father didn't bring us

to this country on a fishing boat

for his granddaughter
not to be a doctor.

Well, one of his granddaughters

is technically still
going to be a doctor.

Of feet.

Anyway, look, I'm really sorry.

The last thing that I want
to do is disappoint you.

I'm still trying to figure out
what the right career is for me.

And I'm a lot happier
trying to figure it out

than I was doing pre-med.

And with my modeling income,

I'm going to pay for
the rest of my education.

The rest of your education?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

You will be paying us back
for your entire tuition,

Miss Indy Crawford.

- Wait, what?
- Just checking in

on my handsome happy family over here.

Apps, maybe?

Read the room, Asher!

[LIGHT FUNKY MUSIC]

♪ ♪

♪ Spinning clouds throughout my day ♪

♪ ♪

Wow, it's like I blinked

and there were no more couples left.

- [WHISTLE BLOWS]
- Uh, partners.

Pairs.

Platonic pairs.

Totally, totally.

Hey, if we do win, who
gets to keep the trophy?

I guess we have to come
up with some sort of

trophy custody schedule with a notary?

Oh, well, I'm going to get the weekends

and Labor Day, obviously.

- Obviously.
- [LAUGHS]

♪ I kind of lose it in my mind ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

Oh, my God, this is my
favorite song to twerk to.

You wouldn't mind, Kiela, would you?

Oh no. Yeah, no.

Not at all.

Oh, this is just like, you know,

just two friends twerking together.

Just like brother and sister.

Just nothing gross.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

DQ'ed, General!

You stopped dancing.

Damn. Kiki, I'm sorry.

Kiki?

OK, I'm going to DQ myself.

We win together, lose together,
right, platonic partner?

How about a partner switcher?

Well, what do you guys say, huh?

I'm sorry, I don't know your name.

Do you even go to this school?

- Do you, old man?
- He's not that old.

He just wears old man
cardigans sometimes.

That was mean to say. Come on.

♪ ♪

So, waltz or tango, brother?

Waltz.

♪ ♪

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

OK, be honest.

Did I see you twerking on your ex?

You're not trying to get
back with Andre, are you?

Didn't you break up with him?

Kiela's clearly into him.

She just won't admit it.

And she's my friend, so
seeing them all lovey-dovey,

it just makes me feel some kind of way.

I don't like it.

Yeah, no, I get it. I get it.

It's never easy seeing your
ex vibing with someone else.

Especially when some
people make it look easy

and then you start to
question all your life choices.

And then you break up with
the finest piece of chocolate

with a PhD you've ever seen.

Uh, do you need me for this?

I guess what I'm trying to say is,

you let Andre go for a reason, right?

So you got to let go of caring
about whoever he ends up with.

Even if it's Kiela.

Because you, Annika, are a boss.

You're famous.

You're hosting your "Social
Shipment Container" show...

- "Social Submarine."
- Same thing.

But I hear you. You're right.

I'm too booked and busy to be spending

- any more time on this.
- There you go.

Thank you, Professor Jackson.

You're very, very welcome.

Now I'm sorry I have to do this,

but all's fair in love and Dance-a-thon.

- Ah!
- You know what I mean?

Double disqualification!

Aaron and Doug are our winners!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

You're the wind beneath my wings, buddy.

- Mama, we made it!
- Oh!

The Cal U Gamma chapter
is proud to present

the 2024 Dance-a-thon Mirrorball trophy

to Professor Aaron Jackson
and Gamma alum D-Nasty Edwards!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

All right, I just want
to say this real quick,

shout-out to all my haters,

and shout-out to my biggest
inspiration, Alfonso Ribeiro.

He told me to never stop dancing.

Stay sucker-free.

And we are our ancestors'
greatest dreams.

That's for you, Pop-Pop.

Just take it.

Uh, you were saying?

OK. Well, yeah.

Doug pretty much said it all.

Ancestors never stop dancing,

and Alfonso's a hater.

So there's that. Thank you, guys.

- ♪ I don't need you questioning my motives ♪
- OK, yeah.

♪ With you all the time ♪

♪ What else do I need to show you ♪

[SOFT R&B MUSIC]

♪ Just don't wait for too long ♪

What now?

Hoping to slip some
truth serum in my drink

to get me to admit that
Andre is my twin flame?

OK. OK.

Maybe I went a little
bit too far tonight.

But I'm sorry that I got you and Andre

kicked out of the competition.

I just got caught up.

But I'm done hounding you.

- No more.
- Yeah, right.

You made the McCarthy era
look like a light work tonight.

OK, Jeopardy.

But I'm serious. [SIGHS]

Like him, don't like him.

I don't care.

I cut him loose.

OK.

But in like a, you're still secretly

going to be mad kind of way?

No.

Like in a, do you, because I'm damn sure

going to do me kind of way.

Thanks, Annika.

Oh, don't thank me yet.

I gave Gerald your
number instead of mine,

so get ready for a lot of text messages

about what kind of deodorant I use.

[FUNKY MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[MUFFLED SCREAM]

I thought that would feel better.

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

Sofia, if you dropped your
key down the storm drain again,

I am going to k*ll you.

I told you.

Yeah, Mom and Dad are
going to be pissed.

Because it really
takes a rocket scientist

or a foot doctor to figure that one out.

Um, actually, I was
going to say I told you

to stay away from storm drains.

They're the third leading
cause of phalange fractures.

That's equally unhelpful, Nova.

At least the weight of telling
them is off your shoulders.

Yes.

I'm feeling footloose and fancy-free.

And you've got to be making good money

if you're on the billboard above
Jamila Auntie's grocery store.

Jamie Lee Curtis was
up there last month.

It's not about the money.

I can figure that part out.

They just looked so disappointed in me.

Like they don't even
know who I am anymore.

They don't understand it yet.

But they will.

Just like I do now.

[GENTLE MUSIC]

And in the meantime,

I'm here for you.

♪ ♪

- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.

If you tell Mom I said
this, I'll deny it.

But she sent some purse ad that you did

to the auntie group chat after dinner.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

[LAUGHS]

Ooh!

♪ The Cal U Dance-a-thon ♪

♪ Get it at the Cal U Dance-a-thon ♪

You k*lling my vibe, man.

We finally caught the white whale

we've been chasing for over five years.

You look like you just ate a bad grape.

I'm sorry, man.

[SIGHS]

Maybe I'm just one of those
people who can't be happy.

Won this competition after
years of trying, and nothing.

I had the perfect woman
on paper with Edie,

and that didn't feel right.

Got the job I always wanted, and it's...

it's cool.

But something's missing.

Well, what do you think it is?

Wish I knew.

Maybe you were looking out at the crowd

wishing like someone was there.

Maybe someone like Zoey.

[SCOFFS]

Maybe.

I can't lie, I've not been
able to get her out of my mind.

♪ ♪

Yeah.

I have to get her back.

You know what?

I am... I'm kind of
glad we got eliminated,

because figuring out a custody schedule

for the trophy would have been,
like, way too hard anyways.

Yeah, it'd have been difficult.

I mean, even though we didn't win,

I still feel like we
made a pretty good team.

Oh, you know what? That
actually reminds me.

I was talking to Annika earlier,

and she was telling me
how she thinks we are,

like, kind of look cute together.

I don't know. It's silly, though, huh?

I don't know. Is it?

♪ ♪

Are you Andre Johnson?

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Um, what's going on?

I'm Officer McCord.

We need to bring you in for questioning

regarding your connection to
the Brock Thompson fraud case.

Wait, Brock's been arrested?

Uh, there has to be a mistake.

We're the LAPD, little
lady. We don't make mistakes.

♪ ♪

Well, getting cockblocked
by cops is new.