01x21 - Olive Oil Crisis

[bunniefuu]

- Help me!
- Help me!

- Over here!
- Help!

- I'm doing the best I can.

If you just grab this branch,
I can pull you out.

- And let go of the water?

That's a death sentence!

- What's going on?

- What isn't?

We've got locusts
eating our crops.

Our grave-digger d*ed, so
he was just sitting there.

There's a bat infestation
in the cheese cave.

The fire-breathing
orcs are back.

And now the bridge
has collapsed.

- I was so preoccupied
with whether I could

build a bridge out
of mud, I didn't

stop to think if I should.

- Stop wallowing, Simon.

We can do the post mortem later.

- Sounds like you're
ready to condemn the guy!

Ultimately, isn't this
your responsibility?

- I'm just trying to save you.

- Save me?

Or save your
precious reputation?

- All right, what do we got?
Bridge collapse?

I need rope, rescue
dog, swimmers,

and anything that floats.

And, Hippo,
I'll take some of that tea

you make out of coffee beans.

- On it.

- Stup, whatever
you're doing, drop it.

- No, Mother.

Do not take Stupendous
away right now.

She is saving people's lives.

- Wrong, she's just changing
their death dates.

I need her for something
far more important.

- Mom, no.

I told you I don't like
being turned into a...

Quack!

- What could be more important

that also requires
my sister to be a goose?

- Well, whenever Athena
gets a new temple,

Stupendous and I
become geese so we

can go and defecate on it.

It's a fun way for me to bond
with my favorite child.

- Great unnecessary
burn, Mother.

Can anyone help me?

Anyone at all?

Dad, good, you're here.

- Do you see this?

See what's happening here?

There's no olive oil.

What am I supposed
to dip my bread in?

- Oh my God, help.

- Thank you, I do need help.

- Dad, rope, rope... ah!

Are you happy?
You could have saved her.

- Well, as far as we know, she's

living happily downstream now.

If you need me,
I'll be at the bar.

- I need you.

- And I'll be at the bar.

[sheep bleats]

[dramatic lyre music]

♪ ♪

- OK, one chicken for you.

That's the standard payment
for the loss of a loved one.

Wait a minute,
you didn't lose a loved one.

- So I don't deserve a chicken?

- Son, a word.

- What is it?

- Just circling back
on the olive oil.

- Dad, I'm incredibly busy.

I know that's an
alien concept for you,

but I'm dealing with a
million crises at the moment

and olive oil is not
at the top of the list.

- Yeah, but people
love olive oil.

I have to warn you, son.

The folks down at the bar
are not exactly writing

you love songs as it is.

- Oh, the bar.

Yes, well, I suppose you'd
be the expert on that.

- I'm not sure about expert.

More of an amateur.

But why not throw
them a bone, son?

It's just olive oil.

- It's work to get
olive oil, Dad.

It's work to get anything.

- Well, that has not
been my experience.

- Of course it hasn't,
because I do all the work.

- You see, that
attitude may play

a part in your unpopularity.

- Am I unpop...

All right, you know what, Dad?

You want olive oil, you're
in charge of olive oil.

There's a trade
meeting tomorrow.

Why don't you handle it?

- I like to try new
things now and again.

Happy to give it a go.

- That was a weird move putting
Dad in charge of olive oil.

I mean, I get it it's
not a huge priority,

but I do want olive oil.

- Of course you do.
Everyone does.

I want olive oil.

But either Dad pulls it off, in
which case, great, olive oil.

Or, and let's be honest, this
is what's going to happen,

we're no worse off
than we started.

And he's actually had to face a
reality that things take work.

- Huh, wow, I got to hand
it to you, brother.

That was well played.

- Why, thank you.

- You know, what you
got there is a win-win.

- Win-win.

Huh, I like that.

Did you just make it up?
- Yeah.

I mean, not just.

I've been workshopping it.

- It's like a win on the one
side and a win on the other.

Almost like an object, like
a perfectly balanced object.

Whoever wins, we win.

Win or also win.

- I said I workshopped
it already.

- Did you eat enough berries?

Athena has quite a few
temples to poop on,

and you wouldn't
want to run out.

- Yes, Mom.
I got enough berries.

Could you stop
running my entire life

down to the food in my belly?

- Oh, come on, you love this.

- No, I don't.
I had stuff I wanted to do.

- Well, you're my daughter,
which means you work for me.

All: Rock, rock, rock, rock!

- Rock, rock?

What are they saying?

- Ugh.

- Mom!
- [screaming]

Mom, are you OK?

[dog barking]

- Ah!

No, no!
- Get off, you...

- Ow, ugh!

Why didn't you zap him?

Was this some kind
of game for you?

- Zap him?

- Yeah, why didn't you zap him
and turn back into yourself?

- Myself?

I am myself.

- Stop playing, Mom.

- I don't understand what
you are saying right now.

- Oh, wow.

So you really think
you're a goose?

- What else would I be?

- OK, just going to check.

If I say Deliria is a weak
little stinky butt who

bosses people around
because she's insecure,

your response is what?

- What is Deliria?

- Oh, man.
- There they are!

Good boy.

- Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

[dramatic music]

- [groans]

Oh, good... good morning, Kolax.

Have you been standing
there long or...

- I have the daily
disasters, Your Highness.

You wish to be briefed?

- Oh, yes.
Good, good.

- The sinkhole now has
birthed a second sinkhole.

And the grain storage is now
the rotten grain storage.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But let's start with olive oil.

Give me dessert first.

- Olive oil is actually the
one thing that's gone right.

- I'm sorry, gone right?
As in...

- It's been running
very smoothly

since you put your father
in charge, Your Highness.

- [growls]

- And it makes me so mad.

♪ ♪

- And that, my good
friend, is how you

get kicked out of Gomorrah.

[laughing]

- What is this?
What's happened?

- Ah, son, want some olive oil?

We've got plenty.

- How... how did you
manage to get olive oil?

It's really hard to get.

I mean, not always that hard.

It's often very easy,
but how did you do it?

- Well, I missed
that trade meeting

you wanted me to go to,
so I came here for a drink

and ran into this
ugly son of a bitch

who had a ton of the stuff.

- This guy!
[laughs]

- The cannibal chief
who wants to eat us.

- If you could look
past the cannibal part,

you'd see a human being,
who eats human beings

with olive oil that I share.

- Well, it's all
making sense now.

That's the Shlub way...

Blunder into a
situation where someone

just gives you what you need.

- If by blunder you mean
get along with people

well enough that they
like you and want to help.

- Yeah.
Why are you picking on Shlub?

- If I may,

it's this insistence on
telling people what to do

that makes them not like you.

- They do like me.
- Uh...

- Shut up, Miriam.
You've got an agenda.

And did you put the chicken
in the baby carriage?

- What of it?

- You know what, who cares
what the citizens like.

[all booing]

- Ouch.
- Mm-mm.

- You just like lounging
about in bars doing nothing.

But to do that, somebody
needs to be doing work.

And until you all start
doing it voluntarily,

you're going to
need to be told to.

And if that's unpopular,
then perhaps popularity

itself is a problem.

- What's the word
I'm looking for?

It's right on the tip
of my... oh, right, boo!

[all booing]

- Why don't you get out
of here, you big weenie?

- Yeah, get out of here.

- We hate you!

- Great job on the
olive oil, Shlub.

- Yeah!
- Whoo-hoo!

[laughter]
- My man, Shlub.

- Guess it wasn't
a win-win after all.

- Yes, it was.
It was.

It's just one of the wins
didn't wind up feeling quite

as winny as the other one.

- Still smarting from getting
thrown out of the tavern?

- I wasn't thrown out.

Not bodily.

It's not like I was
picked up and thrown.

I was pushed.

My feet never left the ground.

Or... yes, they did,
but only for a moment.

If I'm being honest, I...

I really wanted to see Dad fail.

- I know.

That would have been awesome!

The guy waltzes
through life drinking

and telling his dumb
stories, just getting

everything handed to him.

Meanwhile, guys like
us who do all the work

get treated like crap.

- Thank you.

[sighs] I guess that's
just the way it is.

- Not necessarily.

What if letting other people
do the work is the power move?

Look at Mom, she has all
the power in the relationship,

and she does nothing.

What if that's the secret?

- Dad, once again,
great work on the olive oil.

- Well, I had fun doing it.

So I'm not sure
I'd call it work.

- Yes.

- So we were thinking,
what if you

took on more responsibilities?

- Well, as long
as responsibilities continue

to be no more demanding
than no responsibilities,

I'd be happy to.

What did you have in mind?

- Well, that sinkhole
for starters.

- [yelps]

- And produce.

As you can see,
the figs are a bit recycled.

There's still
the bat infestation

and the fire-breathing
orcs to deal with.

- Oh, my sheep!

- And any other dispute,
shortages, or avoidable deaths

that happen today.

Everyone, from now on,
the sinkhole, produce,

bat infestation, and orcs will
be handled by the eminently

competent and capable Shlub.

[cheering]

- Give me your full name
so it's official.

- Shlubrick Michael [bleep].

- That's a joke, right?

- Swear to God.

- Shlubrick Michael [bleep],
our new sinkhole,

produce, bat, and orc czar.

[cheering]

- Hey, you know they're setting
you up for failure, right?

- Tyrannis?

He wouldn't do that.

- Uh, they're not exactly
being candid about it.

Ty wants you to
eat crap, which is

not a great look for a king.

- Huh, well, maybe
he'll get what he wants.

I'm certainly not going
to fill in a sinkhole.

Who wants a drink?

To failure!
All: To failure!

- No, you know what?

If you're failing means he wins,

I'm not going to let it happen.

Plus, you're such a
chill guy, I don't

mind lifting a shovel for you.

I'll fill that sinkhole.

- Well, I'll... I'll help too.

- Yeah, me too.

- For Shlub.

All: For Shlub!

- So you don't
remember when I was 3

and you got sick of waiting
for me to be grown up

so you left me to be
raised by fire ants?

- No.

- You don't remember
when you offered to trade

me to Hestia for a necklace?

- That doesn't sound very nice.

- You don't remember
throwing me at a bear?

- Oh, now you're making this up.

- Mom, I'm going to try
something to jog your memory.

Don't be mad.

[groaning]

- Ow.

Now why would you do that?

- It had a 50-50 chance.

Oh, wait, maybe you can just
zap without remembering.

Try this.

And zap, zap.

Come on, concentrate.

Think of whatever you
usually think of when

you know you're a goddess.

Zap.

- You keep saying
that word, "goddess."

- Yeah, because you are one.

- I don't know what that is.

But I know what a mother is.

A mother is loving and kind
and takes care of her children.

- In what world is that true?

- Well, I'm sure if I
remembered your childhood,

I would remember
warming you up at night

and feeding you and
teaching you to fly

and protecting you from
danger, because that

is what a mother does.

- Yeah, a mother goose.

Huh, maybe this is it.

Maybe I just take
the win right here,

get myself four or five
years living with a good mom,

and then we both
get k*lled or eaten.

I don't hate it.

- Oh, sit and let
me make you a nest.

[soft music]

- You know what, I'm not going
to feel the slightest bit

guilty that we made Dad fail.

It was a lesson he
needed to learn.

- Absolutely.

This is the kind of win-win
situation I was talking about,

one where there's only one win.

- Wait a minute,
the sinkhole is filled in.

- The bats and orcs are gone.

- Figs?

[laughter]

- Well, I was so drunk,
I crashed right

into this huge
statue of a sphinx,

broke her face penis clean off.

[laughter]

- Uh-oh, boss man's here.

Everybody look busy.

[all booing]

- There you are, son.

Good news...
Somehow it all got done.

Sinkhole, orcs, bats.

I didn't even ask.
- He didn't have to.

We like him.

- Oh, and this
old goat lover has

granted us 100 years peace.

- You're the goat lover.

- It's never for love.

[laughter]

- Wait.

So everyone here just busted
their asses for my dad?

But when I ask you to do
something, I'm the bad guy?

- We don't like you.

- Anyone can do what he does.

He drinks and insults people.

Hey, big nose, how's it hanging?

Oh, there goes dogbreath.

Crazy chicken mom over
there with her chicken baby.

- Over the line.

- I'm just doing what he
does, just goofing around.

- It sure as hell didn't
feel like goofing around.

- I did what my dumb
father always does.

- Now you're
insulting my friend?

- Oh, come on,
you're not even friends.

You only like him
when you're drunk.

- Now our drinking
is up for discussion?

- You are absolutely the worst.

- I'll tell you what I see.

I'm looking around and I see
a city that works a whole lot

better when Shlub's in charge.

- I'm failing upward.

- Well, I'm looking
at a bunch of people

who got suckered into doing
a lot of work for a drunk guy.

[ominous music]

[chicken clucking]

♪ ♪

You don't have to throw me out.

I'll just go.

I'm going, I said.

[soft music]

[both laughing]

♪ ♪

- Hey, Mom, for old time's sake?

♪ ♪

Hm.

Athena's temple.

- Athena?

Oh, that sounds familiar.

- Oh, no, it's nothing.

Forget I said it.

Athena's just a dumb word.

- Yes, we were flying
there, but why?

- No reason.
We got to relocate.

There's a better
lake over there.

Let's go.
- Oh, wait, I remember.

- No, don't remember now.

Remember later.

Just stay dumb a little longer.

- I am Deliria, the goddess.

- Damn it.

- And you didn't want
me to remember that.

You were going
to keep that from me.

- Just for a couple
of days or years.

- I'm going through
hell as a goose.

I worried about you,
I doted on you.

I built you a nest.

- It's called parenting.

- It's called t*rture.

The unconditional love, the
feeling that I would rather

die than see you harmed?

I wouldn't wish that
on my worst enemy.

- You're being dramatic.

- I'm allowed to be dramatic.

True form.

True form.

True form!

Ow!

- ♪ If you show me a woman ♪

♪ A man or a beast ♪

♪ I'll show you a
delectable sexual feast ♪

- Ah, I was just
wondering whether I

might pull off a fifth wind.

- Yeah, we've been talking.

You're the hottest
thing in Krapopolis

since, well, olive oil.

- It is delicious.

Hot and cold.

- I'll cut to the chase.

We're going to storm the castle.

- We're going to do what?

- Tyrannis had his chance.

The people want new management.

- My army is at your
disposal, King Shlub.

If you want it, that is.

- What do you say?

- What do I say?

I say you're all nuts.

That's my son you're
talking about.

- Come on, your son
wanted you to fail.

- And I had a blast doing it.

All good in the hood.

Wait, hold on, it's beginning
to seem like you actually

want me to be in charge.

- We do.
[all cheering]

- There's been
a misunderstanding.

I don't want to be king.

And you don't want that either.

- You telling me what I want?

[all grumbling]

- I see what's happening here.

I believe your
recent infatuation

with me had less to do with
what I represent and more

to do with your own empowerment,

specifically in
opposition to a man who

wants to tell you what to do.

But all I represent is
nothing, doing nothing,

standing for nothing,
which means I'd rather

let Tyrannis do his
own thing as much

as I'd rather you do yours.

I can understand wanting
to see a king fall,

but we all have a choice.

Do you oppose control?

In which case you should
forget this nonsense

and go back to drinking.

Or do you in the
end choose conflict,

the thrill of retribution
and constant crisis?

- Constant crisis!

Let's storm the castle!

[all yelling]

- [grunting]

[sighs]

[all yelling]

- Do you hear that?
They're storming the palace.

- They're storming the palace.

- Yes, thank you, Kolax.

You should be on the front
line protecting me right now

instead of telling me
what I already know.

- I think I serve
a vital purpose right

here as your trusted news guy.

[chuckles nervously]
Oh, did you see this?

They're calling for your head.

- Go.
- Oh.

- Great job, Dad.

- I can tell from your tone
you think it's my fault.

- It is your fault.
You encouraged them.

- By doing nothing?

- Yes.

- Well, look, in a few
minutes, they'll come in here,

remove your head, and
make me king, which will

be pretty bad for both of us.

So we're kind of
in this together.

- You were supposed to fail.

- Well, I'm sorry I failed you.

- I wish I could get away
with doing less like you,

but I can't and...

I guess I'm jealous.

I don't have what you have, Dad.

- Well, you have
something I don't.

You were right.

I only get away with
doing less because people

like you pick up the slack.

- Well, someone has
to pick up the slack.

Someone has to be in charge.

- I agree.

Someone has to be
the one they yell at,

the one they complain about,
the one whose flat ass

they make fun of.

- They do what?

- We can't talk about
your ass right now.

They're storming the castle.

My point is, they always
have to dislike someone.

It's sport for them.

- That's it.

Dad, I want to make
an announcement.

Do you think you could
get them to listen

to me for just a little
bit without k*lling me?

- I think I'm likable
enough to pull that off.

- Well, this is fun.

Never been in one
of these before.

I always flew over
them but never had

occasion to see the inside.

- Come on, Mom, change us back.

- I will if you
admit that parenting

is a form of t*rture.

- Are you guys from around here?

I don't recognize you
from my flock echelon.

- Oh, I'm sorry you felt
motherly love for half a day.

- Against my will.
- Welcome to the club.

- Hey, what do you guys
think happens in here?

- You die.

- What?

No, no.
No, no, no, no.

Get off me!

- Ah!

- You're going to die rather
than get us out of this?

- Oh, I won't die.

- Oh my God, what is happening?

- I'm the goddess Deliria,
that's what's happening.

True form.

Oh, give me a moment.

True form.

- Oh, goddess Deliria,
please forgive me.

I'll take whatever
punishment you demand.

- How about a sacrifice?

- Seriously?

- Well, if it's such a joy
to give your life for someone

else, you should love this.

- OK, Mom, I agree,
unconditional love is t*rture.

- Thank you.

Oh, this really is t*rture.

I don't know how
you mortals do it.

Oh, yes.

And since you almost
k*lled me, let's do this.

- Hey!

Hey!

Hey, hey, hey!

[mob yelling]

- Get him!

- Hang on, hang on,
I'm king now.

If only for a moment.

- Not how that works,
for the record, but go on.

- And though it
pains me to order

anyone to do anything, I order
you to listen to Tyrannis.

- Thank you, Father.

Kolax, you joined them?

- I knew which way
the wind was blowing.

- Hippo?

- I didn't get this far
by not joining any mobs.

I do what I have to do.

- OK, listen, I tell people what

to do because I want society to
make everyone's lives better.

And you all hate
me for doing that.

And of course, I know it's
not me you actually hate.

It would be anyone
in my position.

- We wouldn't hate Shlub.

- But you'd hate someone.
- Yeah, you.

- Once again,
I take that to mean

whoever is giving you orders.

So for those who want
to see things get done,

those who want to stop people
from bothering everyone,

and those who want to watch
those two groups fight,

I give you local government.

From now on,
the city will be divided

into tiny little
neighborhood kingdoms, where

representatives of the
people can argue and argue

about anything they like
while the actual people

watch and judge and enjoy.

- So how are
the representatives chosen?

- Exactly the kind of
thing you can argue about.

- Well, I don't want
a little neighborhood kingdom.

- Take it up with
your local councilman.

- Who's that?
- You get to decide.

- Well, it's not me.
- It's not me either.

- Well, someone's got to do it.

- Uh, have we voted on that?

Did anyone make a resolution?

I didn't hear one.

No.
No.

We didn't...
- Well, look at that.

You did it.
- They like me?

- No, they're just too
distracted to hate you.

- Just as good.

- Come on, don't be shy.

The new bridge is
completely safe.

You're absolutely certain
that this one won't collapse?

- Couldn't be more sure.

- Because you've
said that before.

- Look, if this is going to be
some relitigation of the past,

I mean, what do
you want me to say?

- OK, all right.

- You want me to say
that I was stupid?

That I was dumb to build
a bridge out of mud?

- I'm not saying that.

- I used the best information
that was available

to me at the time.

I looked at mud,
and I was like, well,

that stuff works for huts,
it works for covering walls,

it works for roofs,
it even works for ovens.

I made ovens out of mud.

- No one could have known.

- You plop it down, you let it
dry, it's as hard as a rock.

And I was like, well, this stuff

even comes from the river.

- The logic is sound.

- It made perfect sense.

My mistake was, I didn't
account for wetness.

- That's key, isn't it?

- So I asked myself,
what can get wet and then dry

super fast?

And it hit me.
- Oh, no.

- Sand.

[chuckles]

[all shouting]

- You suck, Ty!

- We don't need a bridge.

- Did you get any of that?

- Bento.