01x04 - Give Us Some Good Lines

[bunniefuu]

[FILM PROJECTOR ROLLING]

[BIRDS CHIRPING, CAWING]

[GASPS]

NICOS DAMIANOS: Huh.

[LOW GRUMBLE]

PARROT: [SQUAWKS]
Don't f*ck up my movie!

- [LIGHT, TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
- [PARROT LAUGHS]

- [ALLIGATOR GRUMBLES]
- PARROT: [SQUAWKS] Don't f*ck up my movie!

[PARROT LAUGHS]

NICOS: Huh.

♪ ♪

[NICOS TYPING]

[TYPING]

[CLEARS THROAT]

I read the script.

Uh, I think the, uh,
loss of innocence thing...

I want you to be frank.

I want you to speak freely in this room.

Alright? Is that in your nature?

Is what?

Honesty.

Oh, uh, you mean as, as an Asian?

As a what? No. As a, a
person, f-f*ckin' human.

I don't believe in racial characteristics
and all that bullshit.

Come sit down. We're all the same.

So, in this case...
we're both just soldiers.

Oh, so, you were a soldier too?

No. What? Are you gonna take
everything I say f*cking literally?

Not literally. No.

I'm talking about in this space.

You were a ranger, probably, right?

Somethin' like that?

Uh, Secret Police.

f*ck me.

Now I understand why Claude
and Ned were so adamant

advocating on your behalf.

They want you to spy on me.

You think I'm an idiot? You're a spy.

Uh, actually, I worked
in counterintelligence, so...

Spy, counterspy,
wh-what's the difference?

It's all the same. Hello?
Yeah, I got a spy here.

He says he's a counterspy, so it's cool.

What the f*ck?

♪ ♪

[WHISPERS] How 'bout this?

[SOFTLY] You work for me
while pretending to work for them.

Suss out how these scheming neocons

are tryin' to use my movie
for their own nefarious good.

So you'd be a double spy.

A spy and a counterspy at the same time.

Are you game? Are you up for it?

- Uh, uh, l-look, I-I came...
- [NICOS LAUGHING]

Look at you all serious.

Terrible casting for a spy.

That's how I know you're not one.

'Cause you got no poker face.

Thankfully, there's only
one thing I need from you.

O-O-Of course. Authenticity. Right.

Uh, well, have you had a chance

- to look through my notes?
- Wrong.

- Um, should we go over...
- Oh, you think I'm not authentic?

I don't have any authenticity myself?

I did my research, brother.

I read my Buttinger, Fitzgerald.

I sat down with a Green Beret

who fought alongside the Montagnards,

told me how the V.C.
hung him upside down,

drained red pepper tea
through his nostrils.

He shat himself hangin'
upside down right there.

After hearing his story,
I almost shat myself,

but instead, I yacked
in a toilet, flushed it,

and hired this m*therf*cker

as my m*llitary advisor

'cause that's how I do it.

I go from reality into life.

But now I'm thinkin' it's not enough.

What am I missing?
Oh, what am I missing?

Answer is the perspective

of the Vietnamese people.

That's where you come in... right?

Innocent. Modest. Docile.

Much like the water buffaloes, right?

Their simple plows

pulling them through the paddies.

CAPTAIN: Right. Got it.

- Well, then here's a suggestion, uh.
- NICOS: Yeah?

Why don't we give our Vietnamese
characters some lines?

That way they can describe
their suffering, you know?

- Just a couple of lines.
- So predictable.

What, you're countin' the
lines like an insecure actor?

- Th-There were, there were no lines to count.
- Here, get high.

Forgive me, but when you say that,

I know you don't understand cinema.

Not a bit. I don't wanna hear people

talking about their suffering.

I wanna feel it! f*ckin' feel it!

Feeel it!

Ya understand? It's a,
it's an emotive medium.

Feeling is believing.

[CHUCKLES] You see,
the Vietnamese farmers

are actually somewhat different
to the water buffaloes.

For one thing, we're
a lot more talkative.

- You'd be surprised.
- It's a creative choice.

I'm making a creative choice.

Do I have to teach you
the fundamentals of cinema?

You can render emotion
without the use of dialogue

through [IN FRENCH ACCENT]
mise en scène, montage.

Are you aware of Murnau, Dreyer?

My first vision was that no one
in my movie would speak.

- Not a word.
- But ya didn't do that.

But I stood my ground
on the Vietnamese characters

who live on in that metaphoric space.

Whereas the Americans,
they're quite chatty,

less Murnau and Dreyer, more
Wilder and Hawks. [CLEARS THROAT]

Oh, I get it. You wanna
pitch me some dialogue?

Is that it?

[SARCASTICALLY] Wow. First time.

Don't be intimidated
by my Oscars as I am.

Show me what ya got.

Well, just for instance,
in the scene where

the Viet Cong are torturing Commo Kim?

- Yeah.
- The stage direction says

they coerce him to confess.

So, maybe, at the very least,

they need a line like...

- [DESK RATTLES]
- [SHOUTING IN VIETNAMESE]

You know? "Confess, you fucker".

[LIGHT, TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

- [CARS HONKING]
- [SIREN WAILING]

♪ ♪

[AMBIENT STREET NOISE]

[OUTSIDE CHATTER]

MAN: Go.

Go.

Go and be the voice of our people.

How much influence can
a mere advisor bring?

Your influence may be small,

but as they say,

"If you keep rustling,

the winds will gather
and become a storm".

Give us some good lines.

These are the ones I gave you, right?

You ever listen to them?

Of course.

[STATIC]

[SOFIA PLAYING GUITAR]

SOFIA MORI: Right, and
you'll be gone 17 weeks?

And leave me, stranded?

Have you been to the Napa Valley?

You could come visit on the weekends.

[SIGHS] Yeah. Wow, let me
get my autograph book.

Are you upset?

Ya know, this movie's gonna
be made with or without me.

So, wouldn't it be better to
have someone there to say,

"Hey, your portrayal of
Asians is totally bullshit"?

I mean, someone should've been
there to tell David Carradine

to stop squinting like the
f*ckin' sun was in his eyes.

I find it rather sexy.

I find it sexy when you squint, too.

[CHUCKLES]

Well... don't let my deep-rooted
skepticism of white men

burst your bubble.

I really hope this doesn't
blow up in your face.

[SIGHS]

LANA: Four months away from here?

It sounds like bliss.

[GENERAL SPEAKING VIETNAMESE]

I don't like it.

It's a long time.

- Who's gonna chauffeur me?
- It's a movie.

Well, if you insist, I won't go.

GENERAL: No, no, of course not.

If it's important
to Claude and his friends,

it's important to us.

This is also an investment.

A-An investment in what, may I ask?

Investment in a project
to reclaim our homeland.

"Reclaim our homeland"?

I might have something to share with you

by the time you return from
your Hollywood mission.

["DON'T LEAVE ME THIS WAY" BY HAROLD
MELVIN & THE BLUE NOTES PLAYING]

♪ Don't leave me this way ♪

♪ I can't survive ♪

- ♪ Can't stay alive ♪
- [PERSON COUGHING]

♪ Without your love ♪

- [LOWERS VOLUME ON RADIO]
- ♪ Don't leave me this way ♪

- [COUGHING]
- ♪ I can't exist ♪

[TURNS OFF RADIO]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

- [BODY THUMPING IN TRUNK]
- [PERSON GRUNTING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[RETCHES]

[SIGHS]

- Hi.
- Hi.

[COUGHS, SNIFFLES]

- Can I come with?
- No.

Fine.

[BIRD CAWING]

I'll just hitchhike... hm?

Americans do it all the time,

so it's gotta be safe, hm?

Oh, and can you tell my parents?

And, uh, let them know
you left me here alone...

on this desolate stretch of highway.

- ["AIN'T NO TIME FOR STOPPIN'" BY FAT CITY PLAYING IN CAR]
- [CAR HONKS]

[SIGHS]

Can I trust you to behave?

I don't wanna find you hiding out in
James Yoon's dressing room now.

Am I supposed to know who that is?

You'll recognize his face.

He's the Asian guy you see
in every Hollywood film.

I don't see an Asian guy
in every Hollywood film.

But when you do, it's him.

I mean, he's never there for long.

They always k*ll him off.

But in this film, he's got quite a run.

So, what's this movie about, anyway?

Officially, it's the story
of six Green Berets

who get stranded in a Vietnamese hamlet.

Unofficially...

it's the story of a small
Vietnamese farming community

who are forced to take in
a bunch of uninvited guests.

CREW MEMBER [OVER SPEAKERS]:
Welcome, cast and crew, to "The Hamlet".

Make yourselves at home.

Everybody's got two
drink tickets. Let's party.

[GROOVY MUSIC PLAYING]

LANA: Right. But, officially,
what happens in "The Hamlet"?

CAPTAIN: While trapped with
villagers he doesn't trust,

Captain Shamus becomes
consumed by paranoia

and an impending sense of doom.

SPEAKER: Hey!

You a communist sympathizer?

[TYPING]

I'm talkin' to you.

LANA: So, who plays Captain Shamus?

Ryan Glenn.

Another one I'll know
when I see the face?

Absolutely. He's a legendary
method icon.

[LAUGHTER, CHATTER]

You speaky English?

[LAUGHS] Maybe you've had a little bit

too much to drink, Mr. Glenn.

- I mean, Captain. Shamus.
- Ah, f*ck, man. [GRUNTS]

Method?

Don't f*ck with me, slant-eye.

It's a term they use to refer to an
actor who's always in character.

Captain, Captain, Captain!

- Hey, easy, easy!
- Let go.

Apparently, you have to address
'em by their character name

or, uh, or they freak out.

- Let go, let go, let go!
- [CAPTAIN WINCES]

Film climaxes in this macho
showdown between Shamus

and the idealistic
young Sergeant Bellamy,

played by the newcomer Jamie Johnson.

The Jamie Johnson?

[TYPING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

♪ ♪

[SIGHS EXCITEDLY] Check it out.

He looks just like
he did on "Soul Train".

SPEAKER: Hey, you! [INDISTINCT]

What the hell, man?

- Oh, no way.
- 173rd Airborne.

Bon's friend, you remember?

- Yeah.
- Wild nights back in Saigon.

- Freddie.
- Yeah. f*ck me, man.

m*llitary advisor.

- You shat yourself upside down, right?
- [CHUCKLING]

How's Bon? He get out?
What about the other guy?

You three were practically brothers.

Uh, yeah, um...

NICOS [ON MICROPHONE]:
People, people, people, people.

Please, please.

Your undivided attention
just for a moment.

Feel free to move in and make me feel,

uh, self-important.

- [CROWD LAUGHS]
- We lucky few are an army

in the w*r against w*r.

- FREDDIE: Mm.
- NICOS: On the eve of battle, my Greek ancestors

in Lincoln Park, Michigan,
hee-hee-hee-hee.

- [LAUGHTER]
- They would invoke the gods:

Zeus, Athena, Ares,

and ask for their protection.

And tonight, I call on you,

all, to resurrect the Pantheon.

Yahweh, Muhammad, Baal, Beelzebub.

Let's make room for Satan too, huh?

Can I get light applause for Satan?

- [APPLAUSE, CHEERING]
- This is Vietnam. Devil's at the table.

Devil's runnin' the f*ckin' table.

Where's my, uh...

There's my man, right there.

Our Vietnamese consultant, huh?

He's keepin' us honest.

God bless him. Give him a little hand.

Um, everybody's got a god.
Who's the god of Vietnam?

- Uh... Um...
- Invoke his name or her name.

... I-I don't know. Just God?

"I don't know. Just God".
That's powerful.

- [LAUGHTER]
- Wow.

Join hands, if you will.

Take a knee and pray. Please indulge me.

I do this before every
successful project.

[SINGING] ♪ Hum-num-hum-a-gum-
num-hum-hum-a-gum-num ♪

♪ Hum-hum-a-gum-num ♪

Dear gods,

tomorrow, we wade
neck-deep into the evil

dung of the bowels of our ancestors.

But if we do this right,

we can drag the whole
sham artifice of w*r

down with us to hell and rise.

Guess what? Guess what?
Guess what? Guess what?

We're doin' it on the studio's dime.

- Come on!
- [CHEERING]

Spirits of ancient Egypt,
shadows of ancient Rome.

Blessing on this cast and crew,

for tomorrow, we ship out!

- [BAND PLAYING GROOVY MUSIC]
- [CHEERING, APPLAUSE]

The champagne is flowing.

Is that tune familiar? Come on!

Who's the artist who sings said hit?

Oh, sh*t. He's a cast member!

- [CHEERING]
- Hey, soldier.

Why don't you get up and sing?

That's what you do, right?

- You sing.
- NICOS: Come on.

You know I'm gonna ask.

Let's encourage the
voice of his generation.

[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]

I'm doin' this just for you.

♪ ♪

Hey, cast and crew.

Why you sittin' there cryin'

with your head down?

Don't you know when
you cry, you cry alone?

But when you're mad...

[SINGS] ♪ Ooh, baby,
keep smilin', baby ♪

♪ Keep smilin', keep smilin' ♪

♪ Let your smile be your umbrella ♪

♪ 'Cause to me, you're my Cinderella ♪

♪ I'm not a prince, girl, just a fella ♪

♪ Oh, who has a heart
that's full of love for you ♪

- ♪ Ooh, baby, keep smilin', baby ♪
- James Yoon.

Hey!

[TYPING]

- It's an honor to meet you, man.
- Hey. Thank you.

Uh, so, you're the guy
who got beaten to death

- with brass knuckles by Robert Mitchum, huh?
- Robert Mitchum, yeah.

And the Chinese railroad worker

that got stabbed by Ernest Borgnine.

- Oh.
- Japanese soldier.

Got sh*t in the head by Sinatra.

Oh, man.

You know I'm playing Korean
American for the first time.

- First time.
- Wow.

- You're the Vietnam consultant?
- Yeah, that's me.

Um, that's why he brought me here.

Hey...

keep me honest, alright?

- Of course.
- Stay on me.

Yeah. No, I'll-I'll do
whatever I can, man.

- Um... [CHUCKLES]
- Thank you.

♪ ♪

Oh.

[CAMERA ROLLING]

- [INHALES] Hi.
- CAPTAIN: Hey.

My name is Monique Thibault.

The production designer
is responsible for the look

of every nonliving aspect of the film.

- Right.
- This is my third outing

[EXHALES] with "L'Auteur",
as I call him,

the one and only true
genius in the universe.

- Well, how's it all going?
- Well, it wasn't easy.

Why hasn't it been easy?

Because the vegetation's
all wrong around here.

We had to have the plants
imported from the Philippines.

- All the way from the Philippines?
- Yes, Captain.

- Huh, that's impressive.
- So...

the hamlet.

- [PIGS GRUNTING]
- [CHICKENS CLUCKING]

[ANXIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]

We have imported all the livestock.

We have chicken, buffaloes, pigs.

[CHUCKLES]

So, as you see, no expense
has been spared.

I must say, we have a lot of
support from the boss. [CHUCKLES]

- You made this?
- Yes.

- He's pushing very hard for...
- Authenticity.

[PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING]

MONIQUE THIBAULT: So... do we pass?

- I can even smell my mother's cooking.
- Ah! [LAUGHS]

Oh, that's wonderful.

Come, let me show you something.

CAPTAIN: What else?

MONIQUE: So, what do you think?

- CAPTAIN: This is extraordinary.
- Ah, thank you.

Do you think I can do anything

to make it more persuasive?

[AMBIENT NATURE SOUNDS]

Can you put this on
one of the gravestones?

Oh... Your mother?

She d*ed when I was studying here.

She was sick for a while.

Never contacted me.

[CHUCKLES] Didn't want me to worry.

She was buried in some sunless grave.

Unmarked, because we were poor.

You know, in Vietnam, this spot
would get the highest price.

[MONIQUE CHUCKLES]

[CAPTAIN SPEAKING VIETNAMESE]

[BON SPEAKING ON PHONE]

[BON SPEAKING VIETNAMESE]

[CLEARS THROAT]

[BON SPEAKING]

FIRST A.D.: Alright. Go, sound.

- [RECORDER ROLLING]
- Sound speed.

- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- Roll cameras!

- [CAMERAS ROLLING]
- CREW MEMBER: Scene three, take one.

FIRST A.D.: Ready? Here we go! Camera!

NICOS [OVER MEGAPHONE]:
And like there's no camera rolling.

- Action!
- SHAMUS: Go, go, go, go!

- [g*nf*re]
- [INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

[TYPING]

[expl*si*n]

GREEN BERET: Clear!

- Go without me, Captain, I won't make it.
- Hey, you f*ckin' quitter.

- You're not gettin' out that easy. Come on.
- [GRUNTING]

♪ ♪

[g*nf*re]

Come on.

- [expl*si*n]
- [BOTH YELL]

♪ ♪

- [BIRDS CHIRPING]
- [HELICOPTER HOVERING]

[GRUNTS]

Are you even limping?

Did you forget... You-You-You-You forgot

you got sh*t in the f*ckin' leg?

- NICOS: Cut!
- You gotta limp! We gotta,

- we gotta go back to one.
- FIRST A.D.: Cut!

RYAN GLENN: The singer
lost his f*ckin' limp!

NICOS: I just lost my hard-on.

[LIGHT, SOLEMN MUSIC PLAYING]

CREW MEMBER: Ready? "The Hamlet".
Scene seven, take one.

NICOS: Action!

[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ ♪

[SHOUTING IN NATIVE LANGUAGE]

Identify!

- [SHOUTING]
- Identify!

Identify!

[OVERLAPPING SHOUTING]

- Get down! Drop!
- [OVERLAPPING SHOUTING]

Hold it, hold it! Shut up for once!

[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

- [MUSIC FADES OUT]
- [CHICKS CHIRPING]

[CHUCKLES] Well, I guess that's
one for Sergeant Bellamy.

And cut.

- Let's cut.
- Dig it.

- Captain Shamus, how'd that one feel?
- Like dog sh*t.

Because... ?

Sergeant Bellamy did not
advance in proper posture.

- NICOS: Yeah, I-I'm not, I'm not worried about...
- You're not?

Uh, no, I just think it feels
like total chaos and...

Chaos that's not m*llitary.

You-You-You dug incompetence?

- That's what you dig?
- I trust you, if you'll trust me,

I'd like to move on just this once.

Uh, we have to do one more.

Vietnamese advisor has a
problem with that last take?

- Yeah, uh, that old lady, uh...
- Yeah.

- ... she doesn't sp...
- That old lady? Yes.

I told you this is Vietnam, right?

So, if you have to speak,

let's do it in Vietnamese, okay?

- I don't speak Vietnamese.
- Okay.

Wow.

[SOFTLY] Why doesn't she
speak Vietnamese?

What? Why don't you speak Vietnamese?

- Because I'm Chinese.
- Was I talkin' to you?

Okay, hey. Um, okay, um...

I understand that
it's a different accent,

but are you able to make
it sound Vietnamese?

- Do you speak Danish?
- Dude, just f*ck her.

- I don't speak Danish.
- Just swap her out for, uh, an extra

- that speaks Vietnamese.
- None of them speak Vietnamese.

That's the thing.

None of the extras
speak Vietnamese, I see.

- Did you know this?
- No.

I speak Vietnamese.

Oh, are you an old lady?

Can somebody explain to me

why I'm sh**ting a Vietnam w*r movie

with Vietnamese extras who
[YELLS] aren't Vietnamese?!

That was obviously
directed at you, Mikey.

- I'm just lookin' over here.
- Um...

Right, sir. Sir, there was,
there is no line in the script,

- so we didn't need a Vietnamese...
- Yeah.

- ... speaker...
- Oh, wow.

Look, she got too excited back there,

- and she just... Sir, she just...
- Don't gloat.

She just blurted that out spontaneous,

- so it's not...
- I like spontaneous.

- It's Altmanesque.
- Right. I know.

Okay, let's, let's bring it all down.

Let's not fight in front of the kids.

I need 100 Vietnamese extras

ready to sh**t by zero
six hundred Monday.

Thank you. Authentic Vietnamese.

- Sir, that's two days from now, sir.
- NICOS: Yeah, th-there's

- no f*ckin' "sir".
- No, sir.

- That's two days from now.
- There's no "sir", just do it.

- Hey, sir, that's two f*ckin' days from now.
- Yeah, then you got

two days, brother! You got 48 hours!

- CREW MEMBER: I'll call casting.
- MIKEY: Call "The Chronicle"

- and get some ads.
- NICOS: f*ck!

- MIKEY: And put up fliers, Violet.
- I can do it.

- Yeah.
- You...

- I'll take care of it.
- Go then.

GENERAL [OVER PHONE]:
What accents are required?

Northern or Southern?

Mm, Northern is better,

but if they're from the
South, I can coach 'em.

I mean, sorry to call at such
short notice, but it's just,

Claude seems so invested in this, and...

GENERAL: I'll assemble the troops.

You'll have your extras
by tomorrow morning.

Now, let me speak to Lana.

- Uh, Lana?
- [WHISPERS] No.

Um, Lana is busy now.

She's on set working hard as my...

[SLAMS RECEIVER]

- [DIAL TONE]
- [SIGHS]

Call him, or your father will k*ll me.

[SCOFFS] You're still
scared of my father?

Guess I'm the only one
who's matured over here.

Be a man, man.

[CHUCKLES]

Maybe I could be an extra.

CREW MEMBER 1: Camera, roll!

[CAMERA ROLLING]

CREW MEMBER 2: Scene seven, reshoot.

- Take one.
- [CAMERA BEEPS]

- SHAMUS: Get on your knees!
- BELLAMY: Shut up!

- Get on your f*ckin' knees!
- Shut up!

[SPEAKING VIETNAMESE]

- NICOS: And cut!
- FIRST A.D.: Cut!

How was that line? "Don't
sh**t me. I'm a peasant.

- I'm only a peasant". Right?
- Uh, yeah, it was good for me.

No, that was great. That was great.

- FIRST A.D.: Camera, roll!
- [CAMERA BEEPS, ROLLING]

[UPBEAT FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC DWINDLES]

NICOS: What the f*ck? Cut!

- Laughably horrible.
- FIRST A.D.: Cut!

You... Are you trying to ruin my movie?

So now we got real Vietnamese extras,

but it looks like
they've never seen w*r!

What the f*ck?

You're not, you're not Charlie,
you're Charlie Brown.

I'm not scared.

I should be terrified, you f*ck-ups!

- Tell 'em!
- Well, maybe they need a line,

- uh, uh, to yell at the, uh, the farmers.
- Who? Which amongst them?

They all look like f*ckin' children!

He's okay. You, you're hired.

Get him up front. Give him a line.

- Right.
- NICOS: Get him riled up!

- Okay, uh.
- Let's go!

NICOS: Enough, let's go.

CREW MEMBER: "The Hamlet",
scene 35, take one.

[SPITS]

NICOS: Cut!

That's in the movie! That was great.

- FIRST A.D.: Cut!
- Nice work, buddy.

- Uh, sir, we have a small problem.
- No, we have no problem.

- I'm happy.
- FIRST A.D.: Let's keep it movin'!

Ladies, outta the water!

Someone's gotta do it.
I'll take the money.

Uh, I'm sorry, but the script says

they're supposed to be men.

Uh, thank you, though.

Huh?

Huh?

[UNSETTLING MUSIC PLAYS]

[g*nf*re]

[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

[expl*si*n]

- No... Leave him.
- We gotta go back. We lost Kim.

- Charlie's swarmin'. Come on.
- [g*nf*re]

[CAPTAIN SPEAKING VIETNAMESE]

- [YELLS]
- [g*nf*re]

[STRUGGLING]

NICOS: Cut! That's a cut!

- [CAMERA ROLLING]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]

That damn sure looks
like someone gettin' sh*t.

- That was f*ckin' real.
- [CAMERA STOPS ROLLING]

CAPTAIN: Wait, did I mention
that Bon was there?

- Okay, sorry. I'll go back.
- [REWINDS]

[AMBIENT NATURE SOUNDS]

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

CAPTAIN: Ah, it was great to see.

NICOS: Movin' on!

Takes someone who's k*lled a lot

to know how to die, right?

- It is fun getting k*lled.
- Yeah. [LAUGHS]

CAPTAIN: I don't mean
it was great to see him

make light of our dead comrades.

You're gonna die some more.

CAPTAIN: He shouldn't have said that.

NICOS: Don't f*ck up my movie. Action!

CAPTAIN: What I'm trying to say is

that it was great to see
Bon regaining his spirit.

[g*nf*re, expl*si*n]

NICOS: Cut! Great stuff!

CAPTAIN: For the first time since
we'd come to America,

he was truly happy...

CREW MEMBER: "The Hamlet",
scene 45, take four.

CAPTAIN: ... dying, over and over
and over in myriad ways.

NICOS: Cut! Lovely.

CREW MEMBER: Mark.

NICOS: The squibs! Waste 'em!

- [g*nf*re]
- [GRUNTING]

CAPTAIN: But Bon wasn't the only
one who wanted to get in the act.

Friends and family in!

Mourn! Mourn!

[CRYING]

[SPEAKING VIETNAMESE]

Cut-age. That's cinema.

- [BIRDS CHIRPING]
- Not bad.

CREW MEMBER: Comin' through.

What's wrong with you?

Why do you wanna act so much, huh?

Well, just...

- [LANA CHUCKLES]
- You were so good, Lan.

- Thanks, Jamie.
- Of course.

"Jamie"? "Lan"?

That's what he wants me to call him.

By the way, uh, Little Miss,

about those lines you
added all by yourself.

"Don't sh**t". And then, and
then the second one was, uh,

- "Don't die, Grandpa".
- Okay. Not bad.

Might be in the movie. Hey, Tommy!

- Let's use that girl again!
- Yes! [SQUEALING]

[CAPTAIN SCOFFS]

- [BIRDS CHIRPING]
- Hey, Violet.

Uh, I can take that off you.

I'm going up there anyway.

- Um...
- He asked to see me.

'Kay.

CAPTAIN: Uh, Violet wanted
me to bring you this.

Thank you. Put it on
the light table, yeah.

- Is that it?
- I didn't wanna disturb you,

but I was afraid we wouldn't
have any other time, uh...

I'm gonna need some lines
for the torturers after lunch.

- They don't need lines.
- Uh, alright, um,

but if they're gonna be torturing him,

they're gonna probably need
some lines to extract information.

This is w*r.

This isn't a courtroom drama.

This isn't a f*ckin' light comedy.

It's sadism, animal cruelty.

- It's, it's...
- So, in fact,

I thought of some lines

that might help convey that, ya know?

- Uh...
- Not lines.

A line, pick a line. No, pick a word.

Something they can scream
or repeat like a chant.

- A chant?
- Yeah, a chant.

- Uh...
- Do you mind?

This is not some hobby I'm dabbling in.

I'm trying to get inspiration
for the end of the movie.

It's personal.

I feel like you're watching
me masturbate right now.

- Right, uh...
- Great. You wanna watch me get off?

- Sorry.
- You don't look sorry.

Commander!

- [CAPTAIN GRUNTS]
- H-Hey!

What in the world inspired you
to climb all the way up here?

- w*r is about sacrifice.
- [FRAME FREEZES]

CAPTAIN: Okay, I know
what you're thinking.

Yes, I am recounting something

I didn't actually witness myself.

Forgive me. Some of
the dialogue is conjecture,

but it helps to explain
the events that follow.

I would gladly lay down
my life for my men.

And I expect the same in return.

- What?
- But when I look in that rookie's eyes...

I get [SHOUTS] nothing back!

And that makes me feel like a chump.

- And I don't like that.
- Yeah, no, no, no. You're so right.

- Ryan...
- [GROANS]

Mistake. Mistake, Captain.

You're a hunter, an
apex predator, a lion.

- Hm, mm.
- Top of the food chain.

Top of the class at West Point.

Three times decorated.

Youngest Green Beret ever to make Major,

but were demoted back to Captain

o-only because he took on
that fuckhead of a General.

So maybe not a lion after the
demotion, but you're a leopard.

That's good enough.

Meanwhile, Bellamy, he's an antelope,

a fawn destined to be eaten by you.

That's it. He's a meal.

You think a leopard
looks into a fawn's eyes

and gives a sh*t what it's thinking?

They don't. They pounce. They swallow.

They ingest. sh*t out the carcass.

- That's you.
- [GROWLS]

A leopard.

I like that.

[CHUCKLES] I like that you like it.

Come on. You got
the afternoon off, right?

Yeah, yeah. Recuperate.
Maybe have a shower.

Oh, f*ck that. No showers
in the b*ttlefield.

[RADIO PLAYING]

["HEARTBEAT, IT'S A LOVE b*at" BY
THE DEFRANCO FAMILY PLAYING ON RADIO]

Hey.

Hey.

- How do I look?
- Terrible.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Great.

Yeah, it's lunch. Would you like me

to help you down or something?

f*ck outta here. You know how
long it took me to get in this rig?

[CAPTAIN CHUCKLES]

Water at least?

That's good. That's good.
That's good. Thanks.

So, today's the day. You nervous?

[SONG CONTINUES]

[LAUGHS] f*ck no.

Lookin' forward to it.
It's gonna be fun.

- Well, good luck to you.
- Alright, man.

CREW MEMBER: "The Hamlet",
scene 32, take one.

FIRST A.D.: And action.

- [ELECTRICITY ZAPPING]
- [INDISTINCT YELLING]

- [PROJECTOR ROLLING]
- [TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

[SIGHS]

NICOS: Come on.

- I love it.
- JAMES YOON: Thank you.

NICOS: You... It's real, it's real.

Come on.

- f*ck yeah!
- [LANA YELPS, GASPS]

Aw, man. Dude! Come on!

♪ ♪

[EXHALES] Ooh. God damn,
that was hard to take.

Right? Bravo, buddy.

If you look close, you can see
the boiled egg I had for breakfast.

That yolk will be in the final cut,

- I promise you.
- [LAUGHTER]

- Yeah.
- JAMES: Thank you.

♪ ♪

- Alright, the marvelous James Yoon, everybody.
- [CHEERING, APPLAUSE]

Nobody dies like James Yoon.

- James Yoon, everyone.
- [CHEERING]

That is the most authentic thing

- we've captured so far.
- I love you. Thank you.

- Why are you clapping?
- NICOS: Fantastic death.

Why are you clapping?

[SILENCE]

I'll tell you why.

Because Commo Kim was hangin'
there for four f*ckin' hours!

He skipped lunch.

Commo Kim was in t*rture for real!

Do you think any of us would
have felt what we just felt

if he had flirted and farted

and lounged his way through lunch,

and then just spritzed
on some fake sweat

a minute before the take?

Elvis Presley was prepared to serve!

Cassius Clay was not!

What the f*ck is that
supposed to mean, huh?

NICOS: Uncomfortable is okay.

This was a great day, and
we just saw great dailies.

- All is well.
- [LOUD THUD]

- Oh, f*ck.
- Oh!

Get the f*ck out of my way.

Before this w*r is over,

we will all be covered in blood.

- [DOOR SLAMS]
- NICOS: Alright. See you tomorrow, pal.

- [WHISPERS] Wanna get outta here?
- NICOS: Wow.

I don't know.

Huh?

♪ ♪

Maybe.

Ooh, it's a night full of inspiration.

Thank you all. Huh.

[SCREAMING]

[MUTTERING TO HIMSELF]

[SNIFFS]

Shamus.

Hey.

Have you ever seen
a Sagittarius that bright?

- NICOS: Half-man, half...
- RYAN: Gittarius.

My mind is racing, wandering.

I got a f*ckin' great idea.

I think this night has
offered inspiration

- for the both of us.
- A-And-And-And it's a new scene.

- [SCREAMING]
- And I'm gonna go write it right now.

And I think you're
gonna dig it, brother.

[TYPING]

- [GROWLING]
- I'm gonna go.

- [CRYING]
- Kiss me...

Beautiful little...

- [PLANES PASSING]
- Kiss me...

- [CRIES]
- King of the Hamlet.

- [SCREAMING]
- [INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

[SPITS]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

VIOLET: Good morning, everyone.

Our Captain Shamus is missing.

- [CROWD MURMURING]
- He does have a g*n.

We think it's unloaded,

but, uh, until that is verified,

production is halted.

We're working with local
authorities to find him.

He has a very pronounced smell,

so we're confident the K-9 unit

will locate him soon, right?

In the meantime, hang tight and, uh,

remain on the premises.

Don't go. You can't leave.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

- [CHICKENS CLUCKING]
- [BIRDS CHIRPING]

[PLUCKY LUTE MUSIC PLAYING]

JAMIE JOHNSON: Girl, you somethin' else.

This whole shitshow is comin' down fast.

You just sit here by the water,

singin' some old song
that was taught to you

by your grandma's grandma's...

grandma.

[SINGS] ♪ Do you understand
a word I say? ♪

[SINGS, BROKEN ENGLISH]
♪ A word I say? ♪

Yeah, you got it.

[AMBIENT NATURE SOUNDS]

CAPTAIN: "The Hamlet: The Musical"?

LANA: Oh. [SCOFFS] Yeah, yeah.

Isn't she amazing? We're
rehearsin' her new scene.

VIOLET [OVER MEGAPHONE]: Cast and
crew, return to your rooms immediately.

I know you're out there.
This is not a f*cking joke.

- We, uh, can pick this up later.
- Yeah.

[JAMIE GRUNTS]

What's the matter?

Uh, apart from the writing?

- You hate the scene, huh?
- No, I mean,

I'm happy he's finally
giving you some lines.

Well, not lines, technically,
more like words, but...

Well, it's kind of a big
break, you know?

It's not her only scene.
She's got another.

Go 'head, show him.

I have a final scene
with Captain Shamus.

Gets rough with me, and, uh,
Bellamy comes to my rescue.

Que-Linh? Your name is Que-Linh?

- My mother's name?
- Yeah.

- [CAPTAIN CHUCKLES]
- [DISTANT SCREAM]

CREW MEMBER: Oh, my God! What is that?

[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

MONIQUE: This is your new ending?

It's f*cking insanity.

They weren't built for it.

You can't do this out of nowhere.

Baby, I got inspired while I was
painting because of you.

Remember, you're the one who told me

to use my gift of painting.

- And things changed.
- Mm-hmm.

Everything's gotta go.

Everything. No exceptions.

Madness wins. Anarchy, chaos.

- Carpet-b*mb the world.
- Like what?

- "Zabriskie Point"?
- Yeah.

Exactly. Exactly! But bigger.

- No.
- A million times bigger.

f*ckin' billion times
bigger than Antonioni!

- This is my, this is my vision!
- No! It's dangerous.

But you won't listen to reason.

- You're a child.
- That's why you love me?

- MONIQUE: Yes, I love you.
- Because I'm a baby?

- MONIQUE: Yes, you're a...
- I'm your petit chou?

Huh? Oui, oui, mon amie.

So, Shamus came back.

- Knew he would, that son of a bitch.
- [SNAPS, CLAPS HANDS]

How can I help you? More notes?

No, no, no, hold that
thought. Let me guess.

You're here to suggest
that instead of having

Bellamy teach English
to the village girl,

I should have her teach Vietnamese
to him, am I right?

- Ballpark?
- Uh, no. Not quite.

I-I mean, don't get me wrong.
I appreciate the scene.

It offers a perspective, um,

that shows the Vietnamese
are real people...

Boring. Boring. Boring.

The fact that I'm even thinking of
such things, don't you understand?

This is, this is an indication
of your positive impact.

You should just be happy,
proud of yourself,

all that happy horseshit.

- [EXHALES]
- Unfortunately, your language itself,

it's f*ckin' garbage.

It's just... It-It's impossible.

Especially to squeeze into the
petite brain of our pop idol friend,

so can't help you.

- Right, uh...
- Next.

- And, uh...
- Next.

Scene 64.

- Scene f*cking what?
- Scene 64.

Okay, right on it. I'm gettin' on it.

- Yeah.
- CAPTAIN: Is it really necessary?

- Unfortunately, yes.
- Why?

You know, it's funny,
when I wrote that scene,

I knew I was gonna hear from you.

I wrote scene 64 in "The Hamlet"

as a tribute to her.

[SCOFFS] To my mother? A r*pe scene?

- A tribute?!
- To her pain.

You don't know anything about my mother.

I understand that she was r*ped,

- like everyone in your country.
- [EXHALES]

Not literally, but r*ped.

Am I wrong?

I'm tellin' you, the audience will react

with visceral revulsion.

They will be permanently scarred.

It's the right thing to do!

And I f*ckin' did it for you!

Yeah, well, maybe, maybe Lana.

Have you thought about that?

You know, she's still young.

- She's not even a real actress.
- You're right, you're right.

That's why she looks authentic.

- Just like your mother, Que-Linh.
- Don't say her f*cking name!

Lana's a real Vietnamese

who will now get the privilege

of representing the tens
of millions of Vietnamese

who never got a chance
to speak up for themselves.

Isn't that what you f*cking wanted?!

What are you f*ckin' mad at me for?!

You should be thanking me.

Thank you for getting
us to where we are.

- We'll take it from here.
- Don't touch me.

Okay.

You know you're fired, right?

I'm so lucky. Antonioni
had Monica Vitti.

MONIQUE: Thanks.

But I've got Monique Thibault.

- [SOFT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
- Mm-hmm.

CAPTAIN: Yes, once again, I admit

I am recounting events
I didn't personally witness.

I don't think this scene is extraneous,

but if it offends you,
feel free to skip ahead.

Let's dance.

[MONIQUE MOANS]

- [NICOS GRUNTING]
- [MONIQUE LAUGHING]

Woo! [EXHALES]

♪ ♪

- What's that?
- Hm?

- The f*ck is that?
- I don't know.

You f*cking with me?

- I'm not.
- What is that?

I don't know.

♪ ♪

- Please.
- Looks like a...

- [HORROR MUSIC STING]
- [NICOS YELPING]

- [OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
- What the f*ck?

- This guy is one dangerous f*ck.
- [SIGHS]

We're ready for what?

- [SIZZLING]
- [APPLAUSE]

[CHEERING]

The dead shall depart!

Thanks for everything, everybody!

- Hey, well done, James.
- JAMES: Thank you.

- FREDDIE: The dead shall depart.
- [LAUGHTER]

JAMES: Indeed they shall.
How's the deer?

- [UNSETTLING MUSIC PLAYING]
- Uh, surprisingly not bad.

- Yeah?
- CAPTAIN: Mm.

I wasn't surprised one bit
when he came back

with that buck on his shoulders.

You know why Ryan hasn't
been in a decent movie

in the last five years?

He punched Ken Omaha's
nose... and broke it.

- [LAUGHTER]
- Why did he do that?

To get a real reaction
from his scene partner.

♪ ♪

Watch your back, alright?

Take care, fellas.

Alright?

♪ ♪

[TYPING]

- [RAINING, THUNDERING]
- FIRST A.D.: Alright, roll cameras. Marker.

CREW MEMBER: Scene 64, take one.

- [CAMERA BEEPS]
- FIRST A.D.: And action!

- [CRYING]
- King of the Hamlet. I am King of the Hamlet,

and you will be my queen!

- Gimme a kiss. Kiss me.
- [LANA CRYING]

[RAIN PATTERING]

Excuse me. Sorry. Is Lana in there?

- With Shamus?
- JAMIE: He's f*ckin' unstable.

He went off-script,
pointed his g*n at me

with "n*gg*r this, n*gg*r that".

He's out of f*ckin' control.

But let it go. Lana will be cool.

I'll make sure she's safe
from that m*therf*cker.

- [SCREAMING]
- What the f*ck?! Let me in there!

Shh. Quiet. Use this.

Sorry, can you ask if Lana's okay?

- FIRST A.D.: Who is Lana?
- The-The Vietnamese actress.

Her? She can take this, okay?

- CREW MEMBER [OVER RADIO]: Stand by for the cue.
- Copy, copy that.

When I get the signal from the director,

I'm gonna wave this flag
from right over there

and you go, okay? I'll wave this flag.

- Alright? Then you go. Good, stay.
- Copy. I heard you.

[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

- [SCREAMING]
- SHAMUS: ... don't you recognize me?

I'm your King! You'll be my

beautiful, little, obedient
Vietnamese flower.

- [STRUGGLING]
- Just kiss me. Kiss me and you will see

that I'm your king.

On your knees! [YELLING IN VIETNAMESE]

[SCREAMING]

♪ ♪

[SHIRT RIPS]

[SCREAMING, STRUGGLING]

♪ ♪

[SCREAMING]

Get your f*ckin' hands
off her! Get off her!

- The f*ck?!
- Did we cue him?

[PUNCH LANDING]

[GRUNTING, YELLING]

♪ ♪

f*cking m*therf*cker!
Get the f*ck off me!

f*ck you!

Jesus Christ, what have
they done to you?

[WHISPERS] Did he say "cut"?

And cut!

Finally! You give me somethin'!

Yeah, that was f*ckin' real!

How the f*ck did this happen?!

- JAMIE: Evil f*ckin' genius.
- RYAN: My man!

Hey! Are you crazy? Why'd you
let him in before the signal?

FIRST A.D.: Sir, the Vietnamese
guy just took my flag

- and started waving it.
- You what?

Trust me, Lana. You don't know.

They... He-He would've done it for real.

Well, you didn't know that
I could've handled myself.

You. Again.

You just ruined my best
take, you schmuck.

My only take!

I can't sh**t it again
'cause these f*cking mutts

just bashed each other's snouts.

Are you happy? Huh?

The cultural consultant
I fired came back for free

to destroy the film.

That's what you just witnessed.

That is a first in film history.

Really, that's all you care about, huh?

If I'd let it gone on, she
would've been r*ped!

- LANA: Stop! Shut up!
- For real! Do you care about that?!

- Would you be happy...
- f*ck you!

- Would that be the first in the history of cinema?!
- LANA: Stop!

[CRYING] Stop! What are you doing?

Shut up! It's just acting.
It's not real!

Why are you ruining my f*cking life?!

Jesus f*cking Christ!

[ALL MURMURING]

NICOS [OVER MEGAPHONE]: f*ck.

[CAPTAIN SIGHS]

[WIND BLOWING]

[SIGHS]

- [TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]

- FIRST A.D. [OVER MEGAPHONE]: Planes! In five...
- Huh?

four, three...

[LAUGHS] Yeah! Come on!

[PLANES APPROACHING]

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

[BOOMING EXPLOSIONS]

♪ ♪

[ECHOING SHOUT]

♪ ♪

[MUSIC STOPS]

[CAPTAIN SPEAKING VIETNAMESE]

[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE]

["LIVE IT UP" BY
THE ISLEY BROTHERS PLAYING]

[SINGING]

["LIVE IT UP" CONTINUES]

[ELECTRIC GUITAR RIFF]

- ♪ Ah, ah nah ♪
- ♪ Live, live it up ♪

- ♪ Right now, one time ♪
- ♪ Live, live it up ♪

- ♪ Gotta, oh ♪
- ♪ Live, live it up ♪

- ♪ Show you how ♪
- ♪ Live, live it up ♪

♪ I'm gonna make you ease your mind ♪

♪ I know I'll have a little luck ♪

♪ To make you have a real,
real, real, real good time ♪

♪ Gonna make you live it up ♪

♪ 'Cause everybody's gotta move ♪

♪ Everybody's gotta groove, yeah ♪

♪ Everybody's makin' love, sure 'nough ♪

♪ Everybody's gotta live it up, well ♪

♪ What did I do that was wrong, yeah ♪

♪ Just wanna have me big fun now ♪

♪ Been holdin' back for too long ♪

♪ I gotta, gotta, gotta live
it up, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

[GUITAR SOLO]

♪ I gotta live ♪

- ♪ Live, live it up ♪
- ♪ Gonna live it up ♪

- ♪ I'm gonna live ♪
- ♪ Live ♪

- ♪ Live it up ♪
- ♪ Live it up ♪

- ♪ I wanna dance ♪
- ♪ Live ♪

- ♪ Make romance ♪
- ♪ Live it up ♪

- ♪ I wanna sing ♪
- ♪ Live ♪

- ♪ Wanna swing ♪
- ♪ Live it up ♪

- ♪ I wanna hey, hey ♪
- ♪ Live ♪

- ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
- ♪ Live it up ♪

- ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
- ♪ Live ♪

- ♪ Ah ♪
- ♪ Live it up ♪

- ♪ Ah-ha-ha ♪
- ♪ Live ♪

- ♪ Hey ♪
- ♪ Live it up ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
- ♪ Live ♪

- ♪ Yeah ♪
- ♪ Live it up ♪

[GUITAR SOLO]

♪ ♪

[MUSIC FADES OUT]