[rock music playing]
- [snickering]
- [shushes]
Come on. Hurry up!
Let's get it on.
- [snickering]
- [bald eagle screeching sound on TV]
[cheesy '80s synth-funk music
playing on TV]
MORE! MORE! MORE!
[man exclaims excitedly]
- [ominous bass synths playing on TV]
- [woman gasps]
[speaking Japanese] Stop!
[music intensifies]
- [boing sound]
- [woman gasps]
[gasping]
- [upbeat music playing]
- [speaking Japanese] Stop it, Master!
[ominous bass synths playing]
- [men gasp]
- [gasping]
[men gasping]
[giggling]
- [Big Bird in English] Hard gattling!
- [shrieks]
- [gattling sound]
- [woman moaning]
AMAZING SEXY MOVE
HARD GATTLING!
- [moaning]
- [grunts]
- [woman screaming in Japanese] Oh, master!
- [exhilarating music playing]
[woman moans]
- [VHS cassette whirring]
- [man 1] Hey!
- [music ends]
- [men moaning]
[annoyed exclaim]
- [upbeat pop-funk music playing]
- [moaning]
- [groans, screams]
- [moans]
[screaming]
BIG BIRD IN FULL HEALTH IN THE MORNING
- [man 1 speaking Thai]
- [man 2 mumbles]
[upbeat pop-rock playing]
[woman shouts]
- [man 1 mutters]
- [man 2 whistles]
- [man 1] Hey, miss beautiful.
- [man 2] Boss! Your woman's here!
- Drink with us, miss!
- [man 2] One bottle! Come on!
- [woman] So gross!
- [man 2] Come on! Be nice!
- [man 1] Hang with us!
- [woman] Don't touch me!
[men speaking indistinctly]
- You were just here all this time?!
- You're making my ears bleed, Ma!
- Come on home!
- Let's play, dudes!
Show some respect! Rude boy!
Shut up, Ma! [shushes]
- [man] You're ruining my day again!
- Didn't I tell you to...
- [man 1] Hey, caveman!
- [man 2] g*dd*mn you!
- [man 3] Tiny dicks!
- [man 4] Caveman!
- [man 2] Pay me back!
- [man 3] Back off!
- Pay me back!
- [pimp] Enough, dorks!
- Let him suck you off already!
- [man] Fool!
[pimp] Cutie!
I've got chicks, cutie!
You want chicks, cutie?
Cutie... Oops! Cutie! Chicks!
Chicks galore in Thailand!
Some of them look like elephants, though.
Elephant chicks.
You want? Thailand?
Go on! Look! Big boobs!
[magical music playing]
[pimp] Told you.
- [pimp] How about you, cutie?
- [people shouting indistinctly]
[loud horn blast stinger]
[woman] This is exactly why
our country's the way it is!
This should have been so easy,
but you had to make me line up.
[in Taglish] How else could I attend
to my other businesses
if I'm stuck here all day?
[in Taglish] Ma'am, we're really sorry,
but we're really trying our best.
Apologies.
And you have the nerve to answer back?
- What's your name again?
- Ma'am...
[hesitates]
Luis. Luis Carpio, ma'am.
Well, Luis Carpio, do your job well!
- Don't you know who I am?
- [woman in English] Uh, excuse me, ma'am.
[in English] I'm so sorry
for his attitude.
Sorry, ma'am. It won't happen again.
You could have been more polite!
[Tanya] Uh, Mrs. Martinez? [gasps]
I didn't recognize you!
Did you lose weight?
- Nah. I just do aerobics!
- [Tanya] Oh! I knew it!
[Tanya] I thought
it was someone else from afar.
[in Taglish] What's your concern?
Let me take care of it.
- [in Taglish] I just wanted to withdraw.
- [in Taglish] You wanted to withdraw...
[Tanya] You're so thin!
- Looks good on you! Keep it up!
- [computer chimes]
I've got this.
How much are you withdrawing?
- [Mrs. Martinez in English] 2,500.
- [Tanya] Come on.
- [feel-good music playing]
- [in English] Speed Bonanza!
[in English] Speed Bonanza?
This is free! Free internet!
[in Taglish] You get speed!
You get bonanza, too!
[in Taglish] Wow!
Speed Bonanza internet card...
- [in English] Speed Bonanz...
- [music ends]
[in English] Hi. Sup, man?
- Is this Julio?
- It is July!
I thought you migrated
to the States for good?
- How are you, bro?
- It's Alexio and Bernardo.
- Sup?
- [Bernardo] It's the weekend.
So, of course, we're drinking!
You? Sup with that?
- [in English] Still working!
- We own this! [in English] Speed Bonanza!
That's why I'm giving it away!
[in Taglish] Dork!
I know who owns Speed Bonanza!
Ain't you, man. Poser!
- Poser?
- [both] Poser!
Poser?
- Me? A poser?
- Poser!
- Poser!
- Okay, okay! You want a card?
Choke on these! Stuff your face!
- [upbeat music playing]
- [overlapping chatter]
[overlapping chatter]
[all gasping]
[sensual moaning]
[gasps] Josh... [sensual gasp] Josh!
- [moans]
- On the bed!
[upbeat music playing]
[moans]
- [Macky] The hell are you doing there?
- Huh?
- [Josh] I thought I was...
- Get out of there!
[Macky screams] Josh!
[gasping]
- [slaps]
- [shrieks] Daddy...
[in English] Daddy, Daddy, Daddy...
- [knocking on door]
- [Sgt. Dad] Macky!
[suspenseful drum sound]
- My Daddy! My Daddy!
- [Macky] Get dressed!
- [Sgt. Dad] Macky, son! Are you there?
- [mumbling]
- [Macky] Hold on.
- [Sgt. Dad] Macky!
Put your clothes on!
[Sgt. Dad] I hear someone
in there with you!
[panicked gasp]
- [sighs]
- [Sgt. Dad] Oh wait, I have a key!
- Hold on.
- [Sgt. Dad in English] Are you decent?
Sgt. Dad!
What brings you here?
[Sgt. Dad in English]
Just checking on my favorite son.
Who's this?
Dad... Josh.
- My cousin.
- Cousin?
- With whom?
- Ill... legitimate?
- [in English] Honestly. Josh, right?
- Yes, sir.
[in English] What are you doing
with my son?
[stammers] Macky's my boyfriend, sir.
- [in Taglish] Hey! What boyfriend?
- Why?
[in Taglish] I just met you a while ago!
All we did was kiss. Now we're a couple?
- You kissed?!
- [dramatic music playing]
[gasps] Dad!
Get out before my dad kills you!
[in English] Hey. Call me...
I'm not sh**ting him,
- I'm sh**ting you!
- [shouts]
- Dad!
- [lively music playing]
[in Taglish] You damn metrosexuals!
Daddy! Daddy!
[breathy diva singing sound]
- [screams]
- [music ends]
CAN WE DRINK AT YOURS INSTEAD, JULY?
DADDY'S GOING BATSHIT IN MY APARTMENT
GAME! CALL ME WHEN YOU'RE NEAR
NEED TO CLEAN UP
SCORE SOME ICE, CARPS
[tapping sound]
[computer chimes]
[Luis sighs]
Oh shit, I forgot.
[in English] Cathy, will you marry me?
- [soft footsteps]
- Nah.
Cathy...
[in English] Will you marry me?
- [sensual saxophone music playing]
- [Luis sighs]
Cathy.
[in English] Will you marry me?
- Cathy.
- Luis.
- Ma'am!
- [chuckles]
[in English] I'm so sorry.
[in Taglish] I had to step in earlier.
[in Taglish] I think you know
Mrs. Martinez is a very,
very important client.
[stammering] No worries, madam!
- Sorry, too.
- [giggles]
You dork! Don't call me "madam:!
[in English] Call me by my name.
Working hours are over.
- [sensual saxophone music playing]
- [nervous chuckle]
[Luis] Sorry, Madam Tanya.
- [chuckles]
- [telephone clacks]
[in English] Just Tanya.
Say it. Again. Tanya.
- Tanya. Ms. Tanya.
- [Tanya giggles, in English] Good boy.
You know what, Luis?
Knowing how good you are,
you can be promoted immediately.
[in English] Imagine a higher salary,
more leave,
a better desk.
[in English] Just say the word
and I can boss you up around anytime.
- Madam Tanya, I'm sorry, I...
- [upbeat music playing]
Time to go home.
Take me home.
I have to be somewhere.
Where? Where are you going?
It's early. You never go home this early.
- I know you, Luis... Luis.
- See you tomorrow, ma'am.
- What about tomorrow?
- Sorry, ma'am!
[Tanya] Luis!
[Luis] Oh.
Luis!
[in English] Taxi! Taxi!
[Tanya] Luis!
Ow! Stay there! Luis!
- [Luis] Taxi!
- Luis! Luis!
Luis!
[in Taglish] Take me home tomorrow!
- Oh. [chuckles]
- [cutlery clinks]
[Cathy] How are your friends?
Feels like I haven't seen them
for a while.
[in English] Actually,
I haven't seen them for days.
[in English] No, weeks.
[in Taglish] Actually,
I think it may be months.
[in English] Anyway! Your favorite!
[in English] Well-done porterhouse steak.
[chuckles dryly]
- Mmm.
- [clears throat]
Um... Babe...
[in English] I don't feel like
eating steak tonight.
[in English] Why don't we order
pizza instead?
[in English] Babe, pizza?
[in English] But...
[in English] But steak's your favorite!
You don't like steak anymore?
- [in English] I do.
- [somber music playing]
[in English] I love steak, but...
[in Taglish] For a change. Like...
[in English]
Why don't we drive to Antipolo?
Or let's just go straight to Baguio.
How about Tagaytay?
[in English] Let's go somewhere else!
Somewhere fun!
[in English] Somewhere exciting!
A minute ago, you just
wanted to change the meal.
Now, you want to change the whole date.
- Don't you appreciate all my effort?
- [chuckles]
[in English] Of course I do.
I didn't say anything like that.
All I'm saying is that
it's the same thing over and over.
Isn't there something else?
Something new?
[in English] Yeah. Uh...
- Enter!
- [acoustic ballad starts playing]
[chuckles]
[romantic music playing]
New?
Here's something new, Cathy.
[in English] Making it extra special
with a band.
I know this is your favorite.
My favorite?
[in Taglish] Okay fine, our favorite.
[in English] But that's beside the point.
[exhales deeply]
Cathy, I want to tell you something.
[gulping]
[chokes]
[Luis exhales]
Your answer will change
everything for us, Cathy.
[in English] Cathy, will you marry me?
- [Cathy gasps]
- [band stops playing]
- [Luis gasps]
- [musical note plays]
- [door slams shut]
- [musical note plays]
[Luis] Cathy!
Cathy.
[Luis] Babe!
You smoke?
[in English] Oh my gosh!
- Since when?
- [in English] Babe, please!
Wouldn't you want a smoke too,
if you get a surprise like that?
That's what a surprise is!
I should be the one
to get stressed and pissed.
Seriously?
[in English] Are you hearing
yourself, Luis?
[in Taglish] I'm sorry,
we've been together five years,
but it doesn't feel like we've grown.
We're always here, at your condo.
We eat, then... we finish eating.
Oh.
What's wrong with that?
That's the only thing we do.
You're so predictable, Luis.
And it doesn't help
that you never make me feel
that you like me.
That you love me.
Babe, [sighs] isn't my proposing enough?
No, it's not.
[in English] I still have my needs, Luis.
I'm still a woman.
-What's the use of having big boobs
-[in English] Babe, stop!
-and a sexy body
-[mutters]
- if you're not going to have sex with it?
- [Luis] Babe!
Keep it down!
Am I ugly?
- [Luis] No. [sighs]
- [sniffs]
- Am I fat?
- [in English] Of course not!
- Are you gay?
- No!
Don't be like that, babe.
- Babe, I respect you!
- [sighs]
That's why
I want to save it until marriage.
[in English] Well, maybe I don't want
to be respected anymore!
We've been together five years, Luis!
You're allowed to use me a little!
- [in English] Babe...
- [Cathy sighs]
- [maid] Excuse me, ma'am.
- That's all I ask.
- Babe.
- Please use me!
- Use me!
- [in English] Babe! Babe, please!
- [comical music playing]
- Use me!
[in English] Babe!
[despondent sigh]
[in English] I'm sorry, Luis.
[in English] Maybe marriage
is not the best move!
I mean, you don't even know who you are.
- [gasps]
- [in English] Babe, please!
- [Cathy in English] No!
- [Luis] Please, babe!
- [Luis in English] Babe.
- [woman] Come here.
- [Luis] I promise, I'll make up for it!
- [engine starts]
- [Luis in English] Babe, I'll change!
- [chuckles]
[in Taglish] I'll change, I promise!
- [in English] Babe! Babe, please.
- [door handle rattles]
- [in English] Sorry. Babe, please!
- [tires screeching]
You know this is not the problem!
[in Taglish] It's your insecurities!
[in English] I'm sorry, but I'm done!
[in English] I'm done
with your small, little...
little understanding of my feelings.
- [in English] Goodbye, Luis!
- [somber music playing]
[in English] Cathy...
Okay fine! I'll have sex with you!
- [in Taglish] Anything, Cathy, please!
- [car horn honking]
[engine revs]
- Cathy...
- [woman] Such a cutie.
Shame about the...
- [wistful music playing]
- [laughing]
[somber music playing]
[phone chimes]
JULY: YOU COMING LATER, CARPS? BRING FOOD
[Macky] Then he says he's my boyfriend!
Dad almost shot his load on us!
Isn't that what you want?
A load on your face!
- assh*le!
- [laughs]
Know what?
- [in Taglish] He's boyfriend material.
- [July] And I'm not?
- You're fat!
- Harsh!
At least my Dad loves me!
[Macky] Don't you have healthy food here?
Do I look like I have healthy food here?
Wow.
But I messaged Carps.
- Told him to bring munchies.
- Pfft.
There's a bigger chance
of my dad coming here,
even if he hates me,
than of Carps showing up.
- [banging on door]
- Oh.
- [July] Speaking of!
- [Macky] Oh.
- [feel-good music playing]
- Carps! He showed up!
[chuckles] Dude.
[in Taglish] Sorry. Busy.
- [Macky] Who are you, sir?
- [Luis chuckles]
Ah.
- Missed you, guys.
- [in English] Looking good.
Nice one!
- Wait, where's the munchies?
- Huh?
- What munchies?
- Hmm.
We always ask you to buy munchies.
You never check your YM.
Shut up and sit down.
- Let's just drink.
- Hmm.
[Luis sighs]
- Thirsty?
- [exhales]
[in English] Long time.
How are you guys?
Same.
I lost my job.
Alexio and Bernardo showed up at work.
Got me in trouble.
Actually, I want to confess something.
July knows it already.
But you don't yet, Carpio.
[laidback music playing]
But you know what I don't get...
You said it!
I don't get it why Cathy won't marry me.
We've been together so long, man,
and she still has the nerve to say "no"!
Goddammit!
Look at this dork. Shows up one time
and acts like a douche!
What a douche, right?
[sighs]
[sighs] So... [clicks tongue]
What does this mean?
[Luis] I don't know, man.
I did everything.
[in English] I thought she was happy.
[clicks tongue] That's a penis!
- [Luis] What?
- [Macky] What Cathy said hurt,
but maybe she's not happy with...
Dammit, man!
- Why don't you just s*ab me?
- [July] Carps... [puffs]
Real talk.
We've seen all of that.
And it is... you know...
- [loud thud]
- [Luis] Damn you!
So what if I have a small...
[sighs] ...penis?
I loved her.
More than she could handle.
All is good, but she did say
that she wasn't as excited as before.
- [Luis sighs]
- What's the plan, then?
[sighs]
[ominous music playing]
[in English] "Be the bigger man."
Come with me.
- [Macky] Where?
- [funky music playing]
Thailand?
[July] On you?
[quirky music playing]
[bag zips]
[bottles clink]
[July] Oh, wow! Forgot to bring cash, man!
[Macky] What if you get off?
There's your house! Look!
[Luis in English] Don't worry, bros!
I've got this.
[July] You're the best, Carps!
That's why you're my best friend!
[Macky] Liar!
[July] Good night, best friend!
[Macky in English] Plastic.
[upbeat music playing]
[indistinct chattering]
[July] Is it just me,
or are they all checking us out?
[Macky] Jesus, July.
We just landed!
Save the panty hunt for later!
[Carps] You're right. But why?
[July] Whatever this is,
it's a good sign for Carps.
You can forget...
Forget who? I dunno.
- [July] Who's that?
- [Macky] Hmm?
I forgot man. I forgot who.
[music ends]
[in English] Ow! What did I do?
[speaking Thai] Big Bird, I hate you.
My husband left me because of you.
[Luis] Huh?
Is that how they welcome tourists here?
Bitch!
Huh?
[Luis in English] Thank you.
- [in Thai] Thank you.
- [in English] Thank you.
[July] Penis!
Penis!
- [July] Penis!
- Hey!
What are you up to, dork?
Just checking if there are Filipinos here.
Can you speak Thai?
- No.
- [July] There you go.
- Penis!
- Quit that! It's embarrassing!
- [wistful music playing]
- They don't know what it means, man.
- [shouts] Penis!
- Stop that!
Hey, penis! Where's the key?
[Macky] Give it to me.
I should slap you with a penis!
Maybe it's my accent.
Dique.
[ominous music playing]
[Deborah, in Thai] This is a mess!
Margins are too low!
[Deborah, in Thai] How many times
do I have to repeat myself?
[in Thai] Credit is good,
but we need cash!
[in Thai] If we could
only get back to making porn
once Big Bird comes back,
- then we can...
- [tense music playing]
[Deborah, in Thai] Then, what?
[in Thai] Big Bird is gone! Huh?
[in Thai] Mention that name again,
and I'll cut your d*ck off
and make you suck it! Got it?
[in Thai] Sorry, Deborah, sorry.
- [in Thai] Out!
- [groans]
[speaking in Thai]
Hmm.
- [ominous music playing]
- [papers rustle]
[bald eagle screeching sound]
[clicks tongue, in Thai]
Big Bird, where are you?
[Macky] Wow, Carps!
Didn't know you had a thing for me.
[chuckles, in English] So romantic, huh?
- Wow.
- Hardcore.
- [in English] Honeymoon.
- Hello.
- [in English] Hi. Hi.
- Hello.
[laughing]
Wait. Who's this really for?
Were you thinking of us
when you booked this?
- [mumbles]
- Of course!
He wanted to sleep with you.
[laughs]
Where do I sleep, then, Carps? In between?
We can all squeeze in.
- Why?
- [sighs]
Come on, guys.
Already paid for everything
and you're still complaining!
Wow!
- He's rubbing it in again!
- Yeah, right.
- I'll just fly home, then.
- Go ahead! How?
- Give me money.
- See?
Are you really ready to move on?
- Or you're still thinking of Cathy?
- [gulping]
Forget her.
She's not thinking of you anyway.
Harsh.
What a bitch.
[July in Taglish] Anyway.
Our objective now
is for all of us to get laid! Okay?
[in English] This will be
the best day of our lives.
[in English] Hands in, boys!
We will f*ck!
- We will f*ck!
- We will f*ck!
- We will f*ck!
- We will f*ck!
- We will f*ck!
- We will f*ck!
- We will f*ck!
- We will f*ck!
- We will f*ck!
- We will f*ck!
[gong bangs sound]
[muttering]
[whispers] What?
[sniffs]
- [July snoring]
- [wistful music playing]
[snorts]
[bell dings]
[Macky] All right. [scoffs]
[Macky] Shit, here we go.
What'd I do?
[Macky clears throat]
- [tranquil music playing]
- [coins clanking]
[July] Oh, sorry.
[Macky] Hurry. Oh.
- Is this all we're doing in Thailand?
- Yes, pray.
[coins clank]
[indistinct chattering]
[camera clicks]
There.
- [Macky, in Thai] Thank you!
- [man] Hello.
[bell chiming]
[Macky] Hey!
[camera clicks]
[upbeat music playing]
[Macky] Weren't we here before?
[Luis] This is supposed to be
the way to the restaurant.
I thought we were looking for a bar.
I thought we were getting a massage first.
The massage place, bar, and restaurant
are all clumped together.
Which is which?
- Do you know how to use that?
- I think we're lost.
Turn your clothes
inside out. Hurry. We're lost.
[Macky] Will you stop that!?
Stop believing in shit like that!
We've got nothing to lose!
But now we're lost.
Let's just ask for help!
We can't even understand each other!
You think they can?
Think, dude!
That one! Let's ask this one.
That's where we came from.
[in English] Excuse me, miss.
[in English] Miss, I'm sorry.
[in English] Do you know
where the massage is?
- [in English] You know the massa... Ow!
- [woman grunts]
- Again!
- [angry woman speaking Thai] It was you.
My husband had been watching your movie
until the day he died.
The hell did you do, Carps?
The hell should I know?
Maybe that's really the way
they greet in Thailand?
Let's just go!
- [feel-good music playing]
- [Macky] I kinda miss being slapped.
[July] Bad trip, man.
This was not the adventure
we planned here.
- Just take a picture of me, quick!
- [July coughs]
Come on. Pretend I'm Miss Thailand.
[Macky] Here we go.
- [Macky] See?
- [July] Hmm.
- [camera clicks]
- [July] Okay.
[Macky in English] Miss... Thailand!
- [Luis] There's no signal!
- [July] Keep posing.
One more!
- [July] Your dad will love this.
- [camera clicks]
- Dork.
- Carps, get in the pic.
- [Macky] Come on, Carps! Look at my pose.
- Hurry!
[July] Hurry, hurry.
Pose, pose, pose, pose.
- [camera clicks]
- Let me join, guys!
[July] You're hogging all the pics!
- Not working.
- Let me see.
- Is it broken?
- [camera beeps]
[in Taglish] Battery's low.
Put it in your bag, Carps.
I'll charge it back at the hotel.
- [Luis] Okay.
- [July] Penis!
- Penis!
- You not done with that, July?
This is a tourist spot, man.
More likely than not
there are Filipinos here.
Penis!
[heavy synth swoosh]
Ti... thi?
- [Luis] Silly.
- Penis!
- [man in English] Yes? Huh?
- Pe...
[in Thai] Hello.
- [in English] You call my name?
- Uh, what?
- [in English] No, no, no.
- [in English] My name, you call?
- [in English] No, no, no.
- [in English] You call my name?
- [in English] No, no.
- [in English] Why? What's your name?
- Tithi.
- [Macky and July gasp]
- [in English] Yeah. Prajak Tithi.
- [July in English] Your name is tite?
- [in English] Yeah. Prajak Tithi.
- [laughs]
[in English] T-i-t-h-i.
[Prajak in English] Oh, you smile.
Why you smile?
- [July] No, no, no, no.
- [Macky] No, no, no, no.
[in English] Something funny? My name?
[in English] We thought
your name is spelled like
"penis" in Filipino.
[in English] Oh! You're from Philippines?
- [all three] Yes!
- Philippines?
- [in Tagalog] Welcome!
- [cheering]
- [Macky] Welcome!
- [July] He says welcome!
- [July] Welcome.
- [in English] You have tour guide?
- [in English] Tour guide already you have?
- [Macky] No, no, no, no.
[in English] We don't need a tour guide.
Thank you!
We're lost, man! We need one!
[Luis stutters, in English]
Yes, yes! We need tour guide.
- [in English] Okay. Very nice. Okay.
- Yes. Uh...
- [in English] How much?
- [in English] No problem, it's very cheap.
[in English] Take you all tourist spots!
[in English] Floating market! Banana Show!
[in English] With mango sticky rice
and a lot of buko.
- [in English] No, not buko, coconut...
- [July] Sounds expensive!
You don't even know how much
and you're calling it!
- It's my money!
- [Prajak] Yeah?
[in English] Yes, yes, yes, yes!
We need tour guide, yes.
[in English] Oh. Okay, so, just follow me.
- [in English] Yeah, let's go!
- [Prajak] Okay!
- [Prajak] Okay!
- [Macky] This is nice.
- [Prajak, in Tagalog] Thank you!
- [July] Thank you!
- [July] Oh.
- [Luis] Told you!
[Luis] We even have our own tuk-tuk!
[Macky] Thank you!
My feet are k*lling me already!
- [Prajak in English] Come in!
- [Luis] Come in?
[Prajak] Yeah.
[July] Dammit! This is tiny!
Is this all you've got?
[Prajak in English] One foot apart.
- [Macky] Eat less rice.
- [July grunts]
- [Macky] Ouch!
- [July] p*ssy!
[in English] You wanna go... eat first?
[in English] Sightseeing first?
[in English] Can you take us somewhere...
where we can have, you know...
- fun, you know...
- Yeah.
- [Luis in English] Happy, happy!
- Fun?
- [in English] Happy, happy?
- This is annoying!
- [in Taglish] Let me try! We want girls.
- [in English] Girls?
- [in English] Boys...
- [Prajak in English] Oh! Boy? Lady boy?
- [in English] Naked.
- [Prajak in English] Naked.
- [in English] Boys? Naked?
- [July] Let me do it. Prajak.
- [in English] Yeah?
- [July in English] Look at my hands.
- [in English] Look at my hands.
- Okay.
Oh.
- [whimsical music playing]
- [Prajak] Oh! Okay, okay!
[Prajak in English] I know! I know it!
- [cheering]
- [overlapping chatter]
- [in English] Okay, let's go!
- [Macky] Yeah.
- [Prajak in English] Okay! Let's go?
- [in English] Let's go!
[all in English] Let's go. [cheering]
[upbeat Latin-pop music playing]
ROYAL JUBILEE GATE
LONG LIVE THE ROYAL
MINISTRY OF DEFENCE
Penis!
Penis!
- [July] Is this it?
- [Luis] Your knee.
[Luis] This is it!
- [Macky] At last!
- [Luis] Let's go!
[Macky] Everyone looks drunk!
- [Macky] Prajak said this is it.
- Looks good.
[in English] Hey!
[in English] Watch
where you're going, you fat f*ck!
[in English] What did you say? Huh?
- [in English] Say it to my face!
- No, no, no.
[Macky] Too hot, dude.
Save it for the girls.
[in English] Yeah! Listen to your girl.
[laughs]
The hell did you say?
- [in English] Hey!
- No, no, no.
- [in English] Take it easy!
- [in English] Sorry. He didn't mean it.
- Want me to smack you?
- Ignore those douchebags.
- [Luis] Ignore them.
- [July] That's right.
- [Luis] Come on.
- [in English] What happened?
[in English] Wel "cum"!
[in English] To the Sanctuary of Desire!
[in English] Please. Cum...
in.
- [energetic club music playing]
- [in English] Come Let's go.
- You good?
- [in English] Let's go.
[Prajak in English] Let's go.
Okay.
[in Thai] Nice catch, Prajak.
[in Thai] We're gonna make a k*lling!
[Prajak, in Thai] Thank you.
[in Thai] Let's go inside.
[club owner, in English] Come. Cum.
[in English] Gentlemen, cum.
[in English] But do not cum too fast!
[in English] Take your time.
[in English] Sit here.
[in English] Make yourselves at home.
[in English] You will enjoy here.
[club owner in Swahili] Hakuna matata.
[in English] Don't worry, be happy.
Sit down.
- [Prajak, in Thai] Thank you.
- [club owner, in Thai] Thank you!
[Prajak, in English] See? Very nice.
[Prajak in English] What you want? Here.
- [Luis] Here?
- [Prajak] Yeah!
[July] Okay, okay.
[in Thai] Any problem?
[in Thai] How did you find that guy?
[indistinct chatter]
[shrieks, in Thai] You fancy him?
[speaking in Thai]
[in Thai] I think they're Filipinos.
[in Thai] You think?
[in Thai] Anyway... [clapping]
Are you ready, girls?
[in Thai] Are you ready for the show?
- [electronic techno music blasts]
- [cheering]
[cheering]
[in English] Ah! You like it?
- Yes! Yes!
- [Prajak mumbles]
- [laughing]
- [July mumbles]
[cheering, clapping]
Wow!
[Prajak in English]
Here we go! Here we go!
[Prajak in English] Okay! Let's go!
[Prajak in English] Let's go!
[cheering, clapping]
[indistinct shouting]
[cheering, clapping]
Mine? Mine?
Wow!
- [slurps]
- Yes! [cheering]
- [cheering]
- [July belches]
[in English] Later! Later! Later!
- [Luis] Yes!
- [July] Here she is!
[alarm beeping]
[crowd] Whoa!
- [crowd] Whoo!
- Oh!
[Prajak in English] For you!
- [screams]
- [Prajak laughs]
[laughter, chattering]
[crowd cheering]
[Prajak in English] Very long! Very long!
[Luis in English] What?
[crowd gasping]
[crowd] Oh!
[woman moans]
- [July] She smelled it!
- [Prajak laughs]
[July speaking]
- [screams]
- Yuck! Yuck!
[shrieks]
[Macky] Gross!
[July laughing]
You good?
- [cheering]
- [upbeat music playing]
This is it! This is it! This is it!
[Macky] The hell is that?
They're not done yet?
[July] Bananas.
Whoa!
[Prajak in English] Banana Lady!
Banana Lady!
He said Banana Lady.
[Prajak in English]
Watch out for the banana!
- [Prajak in English] Look for the banana!
- [July] Look for the banana?
[Prajak in English] Here we go!
- [crowd cheers]
- [Luis]The hell!
[crowd cheering]
[Macky] They stick that in there?
- [shrieks]
- [g*n cocking sound]
[crowd gasps]
[shrieks]
- [cheering]
- [exhilarating music playing]
[screaming]
- [g*n cocking sound]
- [cheering]
- [g*n cocking sound]
- [cheering]
- [g*n cocking sound]
- [shrieking]
- [shrieking]
- [cheering]
- [screaming]
- [g*n cocking sound]
[screaming]
[cheering]
- [Macky] Gross!
- [crowd cheering]
- [man] Back off.
- [cheering]
[ominous music playing]
[in Thai] Hello? Can I talk to Deborah?
[in English] Hello, Deborah?
[in Thai] Your lost bird is like a pigeon.
[in Thai] He's come back.
[in Thai] I just saw him here.
[in Thai] I'm sure, Deborah!
[in Thai] It's Big Bird in the flesh!
- Gross!
- It's okay! [chuckles]
- [Luis] It's sticky.
- Oh! You two!
- [Prajak] Here we go!
- Oh!
Just relax. Just relax.
- [Prajak] Oh, no, no, no, no.
- [muttering]
- Relax, guys! Relax!
- [indistinct chattering]
There! There. Okay.
Don't move.
- [muttering]
- The hell is this?
- I can't see!
- It's not bad! It's not bad, okay?
- [Macky] What bullshit is this, Carps?
- [Prajak] Just relax, okay?
- [July] Okay.
- Stand up, stand up, slowly...
- [Macky] I'm scared!
- Here we go.
Okay. Then follow me.
[Prajak in English]
Just hold me and follow me.
Slowly. Okay.
[ominous music playing]
[Prajak] Okay. Okay.
- [moans of pleasure]
- [bleep]
- [narrator, in Thai] Raikantopeni!
- [laidback music playing]
[in Thai] The following scenes
have been removed
because they are too much
for Philippine movie.
[in Thai] The scenes are very naughty
and shameful with Kantotan.
[in Thai] We are very sorry
for the inconvenience.
[in Thai] For now,
please just imagine what is happening.
[masseuse 1, in English]
Oh, you're different!
[Macky] Hey, don't you dare!
[masseuse 1, in English]
Maybe I insert this...
- [Macky] Not there!
- ...here.
[Macky] Not there! [screams]
- [July moaning]
- [masseuse 2 moaning]
[July in English] Anyway,
it's hard to make new friends my age.
[masseuse 2, in English] Oh, so sad.
- [masseuse 3 giggling]
- [Luis in English] Why are you laughing?
[masseuse 3, in English] So, so small.
- [Luis] Uh... Don't look!
- [masseuse 3, in English] Like...
- ...candy!
- [Luis in English] What are you doing?
- [masseuse 3 giggling]
- [Luis gasps, in English] No!
[masseuse 3, in English] Okay,
I massage you with my boobs.
- [Luis] No, no, no, no!
- [masseuse 3 giggling]
- [Luis] Ouch!
- [masseuse 3 moaning]
[Luis] No!
[overlapping exaggerated
moans of pleasure]
[narrator, in Thai]
Okay? Imagined already? Good!
[in Thai] Let's continue the movie.
Thank you!
[panting]
[in English] Is this what I've become?
Who am I really?
[ominous music playing]
[in English] You!
- [in English] I know you.
- [Luis] Me?
[in English] I know who you are!
[in English] Kaoru,
let's take this man with us.
[Luis gasps]
[Luis] Okay. Okay, okay, okay!
Okay.
[upbeat club music playing]
[in English] I can't believe
I'm here with a legend!
[in English] How have you been?
[in English] I have all your works.
[in English] I collect them.
[chuckles awkwardly]
[Kimura in English] But I wonder why
I don't see any new stuff from you.
[nervous chuckle, in English] I'm sorry.
[in English] I don't know what you mean.
[in English] Why'd you disappear,
Big Bird?
[in English] Women want you,
and the men, they all want to be like you!
[in English] You give Asian men
like me a big reputation!
[laughing]
[in English] Yes! Yes, yes. [chuckles]
[in English] Big reputation.
[in English] Yes, thank you.
Thank you so much. Thank you.
[in English] Uh, I think I have to go.
- [English] My friends are looking for me.
- [Kimura in English] Wait, wait.
[in English] Wait, senpai.
[exhales deeply]
- [in English] I need you to try this.
- [in English] No, no, no, no.
[in English] Sorry I... I don't smoke.
[in English] No.
- [Macky groans]
- [wistful music playing]
- Bro!
- [July] Bro!
- Help me...
- [July] The hell happened to you?
Something bad happened.
I think I'm going to pass out.
[July] Wait, wait, wait.
What the hell happened?
They molested me!
I'm so dirty... [sobs]
I'm so dirty...
What's with the manicure?
Nah, I just let her get what she wanted
so I can get what I wanted.
And it's just nail polish.
[scoffs] Isn't Carpio done yet?
- Dunno.
- [in English] Excuse me.
[in English] Leaving without paying, huh?
[in English] Oh no! Uh...
- [in English] Our money is with Carpio.
- [in English] Yes.
- [July] Yeah.
- [English] Your friend has already left.
[in English] What?
[in English]
That can't be! He will never leave us.
Oh...
[in English] Done already? Good? Good?
[in Thai] You're an idiot! f*cking stupid!
[in Thai] How could you let
a customer out with no pay?
[in English] Prajak! Have you seen Carpio?
- [man] Big Bird!
- [music distorts]
[elephant trumpet sound]
[groans]
[groans]
- [in English] I thought you're with him.
- Huh?
Carpio's missing?
[in English] No, no, no!
He's just somewhere.
[in English] Pay now!
Eight thousand baht each.
[in English] Okay, we go to Carpio
- and then we get the money.
- [Prajak in English] No, no. Pay first.
- [in English] You pay now.
- [in English] We will pay you.
- [Macky] No!
- [indistinct chatter]
[July] How will we pay you
if we don't have money?
[Macky in English] We will pay!
[Macky in English] Will pay you, promise!
- [Prajak] No!
- [July in English] No! We want our friend!
[Prajak in English] There! There!
There's your friend!
- [upbeat club music playing]
- [man moans]
[silly sounds]
[July] The hell happened to him?
I think he's drunk. Come on.
You get your money, we wait here.
[Luis laughing]
Yeah. That's us! Right?
I have new friends.
Yahoo!
- Oh!
- [woman laughs]
Oh! Oh!
[in English] There! That's my...
No, no, no!
[in English] No, it's alright!
It's okay, that's my...
my true friends.
[in English] My old friends.
- [Luis] Yeah. It's okay!
- Ah!
[in English] Welcome!
[in English] Big Bird's friends!
- [in Thai] He is Kimura.
- [everyone cheering]
[in Thai] Big exporter
of herbal medicines.
[in Thai] One of our best patrons.
[cheering, laughing]
- Kimura?
- Hm-mm.
[in Thai] Keep your eyes on them.
- [Macky] Best! Night! Ever!
- [cheering]
- [psychedelic reggae music playing]
- [laughter]
[in English] May I have
your attention, everyone?
[in English] Thank you
for sharing this night with me.
[in English] I have a very successful
business of herbal medicine.
- Oh. [chuckles]
- [July] Herbal medicine!
- [Kimura] And other exotic products!
- [Macky] Samples, please!
[Kimura in English] This is why
I'm very happy
to have you, my friends,
to join my business.
Oh!
Business!
- We'll be rich!
- [Kimura] And you, my friend!
[Kimura in English] You'll be
a big part of my business.
[cheering, clapping]
From your extract,
we will serve more men of our age
to be like you... Big!
- What?
- Extract?
- Huh?
- They're going to milk Carpio?
- [both laughing]
- [somber music playing]
[in English] Me? Big?
Yes!
Wow!
I... will... take... your...
- penis!
- [screaming]
- No!
- [July] Hey! What's this?!
- [dramatic music playing]
- [laughter]
[Prajak speaking Tagalog]
[in Tagalog] Dammit!
Miss, I'm not part of this!
- I don't know these dor...
- [indistinct chattering]
[ominous music playing]
[in Thai] He's in there.
- [dramatic music playing]
- [screaming]
Please! Please! Please!
[cheering]
[Luis] No! No! No! No! No!
- [laughing]
- [Luis] No! No! No!
- [Luis] Please! Please! Please! No! No!
- [screaming]
[Luis] Please! No! No! No! No! No!
- [screaming]
- [g*n cocking sound]
[gasps]
[suspenseful music playing]
[in English] Kimura-san, stop that!
[in English] Deborah wants him!
[in English] g*dd*mn that Deborah!
Who does she think she is?
[in Thai] May I remind you
that you owe Deborah debts.
If it weren't for her, the police,
will be all over you
for your weird aphrodisiac!
[grunts]
[in Thai] Let them go!
[mutters, gasps]
[panicked breathing]
[Macky] You assh*le!
All this time, you can speak Tagalog!
My nose was bleeding
from all that English!
[Luis] He can speak Tagalog?
assh*le spoke, and I was like the hell?!
Aright, alright, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, sirs!
How would I know it would get to this?
Oh. The hell do you get
from pretending to be Thai?
- [indistinct]
- Huh?
Pay this assh*le, Carps.
The sooner this douchebag's
out of here, the better!
[Luis] Wait. Let me just thank the dude.
[in English] Hi, sir. Excuse me.
Thank you so much for... helping us earlier.
Uh, what's your name?
- [tense music playing]
- [July, Macky gasping]
[muffled struggling]
[Prajak] Okay, bye.
[man shouts]
- [shouts]
- [tense music playing]
- [in Thai] You're coming with us.
- Okay! Okay!
Oh my, Deborah!
[muttering]
[muttering]
[Luis] It really hurts. I'm dizzy.
[upbeat music playing]
- [Prajak sobbing]
- [thuds]
[groans]
Dammit, that hurts!
[Luis] The hell are we?
[Prajak] Hell.
Prajak?
Is that you?
[Prajak] Who else?
[Prajak] All those disguises
and I still get busted!
Why'd I have to talk to you dorks?
Hey! Prajak!
Is that your real name?
[clicks tongue] And how is this our fault?
[Luis] Why'd they bring us here?
Where are we, Carps?
- Come on.
- Huh?
[Macky] My back hurts, Carps.
[Luis groans]
- July! July!
- [groans]
Wake up.
- Is it time for breakfast?
- [Luis] What breakfast?
Dork, we're not in the hotel!
What? It's real?!
I thought I was just... Ow!
- My body hurts! [groans]
- [Luis grunts]
What happened? [grunts]
Why is this lying assh*le with us?
[Prajak] We were all
taken together, moron!
And stop picking on me!
Let's just help each other
get out of here!
You have no idea what Deborah can do.
She controls even the cops!
Why? Is she worse than that Kimura guy?
[clicks tongue] Did you see his face
when they mentioned Deborah?
And why do you think I keep
putting on disguises
and hiding out?
[sighs] The hell are you saying?
My God. Know what?
Let's just all pray we get out of here.
Specially you, Big Bird!
I knew it! I had a bad feeling about you.
I've seen that face before!
I've watched you!
Wait!
- Who the hell's that Big Bird?
- Yeah.
[Prajak] You ask too many questions!
[panting]
[Prajak] Come here.
[cheesy '80s synth-funk
music playing on TV]
IT FEELS GOOD! DON'T STOP
[woman speaking Japanese on TV]
[Prajak] There. See?
You have the same face!
Does look like you, man!
[bald eagle screeching sound on TV]
- [dramatic music playing]
- [Macky] Shit! That's big!
That's why he's called Big Bird.
[Big Bird in English] Hard gattling!
- [gattling sound]
- [woman screaming on TV]
- [men groan]
- [woman moaning]
Hey!
[in Thai] What are you pervs doing?
- Uh, what...
- [man] You!
Deborah wants to see you!
[dramatic music playing]
- Wait, wait, wait!
- No, no.
- Please, please, please!
- [Macky] Carpio!
Why are you taking our friend?
[suspenseful music playing]
- No, no, no, sir!
- [man] Go!
I'm sorry.
No, no, no, please! Sir.
Ms. Deborah!
[tranquil music playing]
[in Italian] Hi, handsome.
[in English] Finally, you're back.
Wait, why's Prajak the only one tied up?
Probably 'cause he's a douche.
Wow. Such a sweet guy.
Ah. Hey, cutie.
Cutie! Psst.
[in English] Uh, where are we,
and why are we here?
[in English] This is Deborah's house,
where she does many business.
Like beauty pills, skin creams, inhalers,
also, porn.
Porn?!
[man whispers] Yeah.
Do you have man-to-man porn?
- No!
- [Macky] Okay.
I thought.
But wait, who's Deborah?
Ah!
[chuckles]
It's been a long time since I saw you.
[sinister music playing]
[Deborah] How are you?
I miss you, Big.
Why did you disappear?
Where did you go?
Have you forgotten your promise to me?
Uh...
Which one?
Your last film.
Your Big Bird Finale.
[unsettling music playing]
Have you forgotten it?
[Jaturawit in English] Deborah
is the biggest porn producer
in Asia in the '90s,
doing productions in Japan.
[in English] She and Big Bird opened doors
for the underground porn industry
to reach new heights
and even get to the international market.
[in English] Breaking stereotypes
of Asian men!
[in English] Who would've
thought this Thai expat,
Big Bird, would be big in Japan
and then all over Asia?
[in English] And Deborah was there,
to make him fly!
[in English] Oh, your English
is very good.
- Yeah, good.
- Yeah.
[in English] Actually, I read this.
- [July] Oh.
- At least he's good at reading.
[in English] Here.
[in English] Enjoy.
[Macky] Imagine that.
Carpio has a famous foreign look-alike.
Wonder why he didn't make it
to the Philippines?
In other countries, it's our
drama series that are famous.
You know too much!
For a lying douchebag.
Why would we believe you?
Remember, you still owe us.
Sorry. I thought you were asking me.
Baldy.
[in English] Can't you remember
anything at all?
Uh...
[in English] No.
[in English] I told you,
those dr*gs you constantly snort,
sh**ting up every drug you see,
it's going to f*ck up your brain.
[in English] It will give you amnesia!
- [chuckles]
- [wistful music playing]
[in English] Yes!
[in English] Yes! Amnesia!
- [Deborah] Yes.
- [in English] Yeah, that's why I forgot.
[gasps]
- [gasps]
- Oh!
You seem to have gotten good at hiding it?
[Deborah in English] This is the legacy
you left behind, Big Bird.
[in English] You even won this.
[in English] This, this, this...
this trophy.
[in English] How could you
just throw everything away?
[in English] How could you
disappear from me?
[in English] Well, it doesn't matter.
You're back.
[in English] Let us bring back
the glory days, Big Bird.
- [in English] I think there's a mistake.
- [man shouts]
[in English] I am not...
[in English] We are making
your ultimate porn comeback.
[in English] Comeback gattling!
- [unsettling music playing]
- [laughing, in English] Tell me, Big Bird.
[in English] I never saw you
as someone who would have friends.
[in English] Who are these people?
[in English] Uh,
I just met them here, actually.
Douchebag.
[Deborah] Hmm...
[clicks tongue, in English]
Looks like he can do porn.
[in English] Me?
- [wistful music playing]
- She said porn?
You're okay with f*cking a girl?
Of course not!
[in English] You're actually
friends with this... guy?
Prajak Tithi?
- [in English] You know him?
- [in English] Know him?!
- [laughing]
- [unsettling music playing]
[in English] He used to work for me
as one of my distributors.
[in English] Then I found out
he pirated my video
in Cambodia and Indonesia.
- [in English] Scammer!
- [chuckles]
[in Thai] Sorry!
[in English] Quiet!
If you have no business here anymore,
I can tell Jaturawit to get rid of them.
What? What did we do to you?
- Why are you going to k*ll us?
- Maybe "get rid" means make us leave,
- not k*ll.
- Really?
You wanna find out
what she means by "get rid"?
- [July] Of course. We don't know yet.
- [g*n cocks]
- What the hell?!
- [in English] Shall we k*ll them?
- I knew it.
- [Jaturawit] Deborah.
- [in English] No, no, no! Please!
- [men muttering]
[in English] Why should I let them live?
- [July] Um...
- Uh...
- I'm a director! From the Philippines.
- [Prajak] Yeah, yeah.
- [July] Very good porn director.
- Yes. [chuckles]
I made many movies, like, um...
- Blow Me.
- [Prajak] Blow Me.
[July] Blow Me 2. Blow Me 3.
Uh, I did In Grandma's Arms.
- In Grandma's Arms. My favorite.
- [July] Yes.
[July] Penis-hed By Dawn.
Have you heard of that?
- [in English] Many, many porn.
- [Prajak] Yes.
- [July] And him!
- [mutters]
[July] Very good makeup artist. Very good.
- The best.
- I don't do makeup.
- You know makeup.
- [July] Very good makeup artist.
- Airbrush, airbrush.
- [July] We'll make your movie.
- We'll make a movie.
- [Prajak] Yes, yes.
Even with him?
[July] Um...
Translator!
- He's our translator.
- Yes! And cameraman!
- [July] And cameraman! Yes! yes!
- [Prajak] Yes...
- [in English] Lower cost, 2-in-1.
- [Prajak] Yeah.
[in English] Okay,
very well, Mr. Director.
[in English] You do my video.
We shall sh**t it here.
[in English] Save me my money
from having to do it overseas.
[July] Oh, yes.
- Very good. Yeah, we make. We make.
- [Prajak mutters]
[in English] Big Bird,
I can't wait to see
your ultimate move again.
- [nervous chuckle]
- [laughing]
[all laughing]
[in English] Quiet!
[in English] What are you laughing at?
[chuckles]
- [upbeat music playing]
- [Luis panting]
What do we know about making porn?
It's just sex.
Let's just finish this,
then get out of here.
[Prajak] Promise?
What now, Mr. Carpio?
Are you sure you can do this?
I need to. [heavy breathing]
We can fake the angles, right? July?
Angles we can fake.
The problem is your tiny d*ck.
Thanks, dude.
That boosted my confidence.
- [loud clap]
- Guys!
Let's just fight
after we sh**t this video.
The sooner we're out of here, the better.
[Deborah in English] Now,
we'll start with the sex scene.
[gong bangs sound]
[Macky] Yes.
[heavy breathing]
Go!
Let's get this over with.
[woman] Come, come, come.
- Hi.
- [moans]
[July in English] Uh, Ms. Deborah,
maybe we start with the story first,
the acting, as to not tire out our stars.
[in English] Okay, fine.
[in English] I remember,
Big Bird needs to warm up.
- [in English] Isn't that right?
- [chuckles]
Uh-huh.
Uh... Ready?
Action.
- [panting]
- [wistful music playing]
[Macky] Wait! Wait! Wait! She stood up!
- [Macky] To the right!
- [July] Oh yes!
- [July] Go, Big Bird!
- [Macky] I'm blocking her.
- [Macky] Left! Left!
- [July] Oh, you're such a natural!
- [Macky] Left! Left!
- [Deborah, in Thai] Hey! Let me see, too!
- [July] So good!
- [Prajak] Go right?
- [Macky] Move! Move! Move! Right!
- [July] Okay.
- [Macky] Move! Right!
- [July] Very hot.
[Prajak] We'll never see
our families again after this.
[July] Oh.
- Let's just call them and say goodbye?
- [Macky] Just record the whole thing!
- [Macky] Down! Down! Down!
- [Deborah speaking Thai]
[July] Oh yes! [moaning]
- [July moaning]
- [Deborah] Can you please move your ass!
- [July] Oh! So good! So hot!
- [Macky] Down! Down!
[Deborah] Enough! Do the sex already!
Hmm?
Hard gattling now!
[suspenseful music playing]
[July] Uh, Carps,
just stick it in
and let's fake the angles.
[Macky] Yes, please.
- [gasps]
- [oriental plucking sound]
[panting]
[sensual saxophone music playing]
[gasps] No. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- Cut!
- [Luis] I can't do this!
- [Deborah] What happened?
- [dramatic music playing]
- [woman squeals]
- [Macky] We're dead.
[in Thai] He is not Big Bird!
[in Thai] Small bird!
[suspenseful music playing]
[woman shouts]
- [Macky] Hey! Hey!
- [July squeals]
[nervous breathing] Okay! Okay!
[in English] Let me see.
[in English] Oh my God!
- [in English] You are not Big Bird!
- [dramatic music playing]
[in English] Get them now!
- [July] Hey!
- [Macky] Ow!
- [Macky] Wait!
- [July] What are we going to do?
[muttering]
[Macky] Here!
- [muttering]
- [Macky] Carpio!
- [coughing]
- [suspenseful music playing]
- [Macky] Hurry! Run!
- [coughing]
[Macky] Carpio! Your clothes!
- [July] Where the hell are we?
- [Macky] Just hurry!
[chattering]
- [Macky] Hurry!
- [shrieking]
[chattering]
[Deborah speaking Thai]
[Deborah coughing]
[Deborah, in Thai] What's going on here?
Get them!
Now!
[suspenseful music continues]
[coughing]
[Macky] Hurry! Ow!
[muttering]
Macky!
- Wait! Wait!
- [Macky] What now?
[July] Let's hide!
- [Luis] Where?
- Under!
- [July] Not there! Here!
- [Macky] There! There!
[shouts]
Big Bird!
[screaming]
[screaming]
- [screaming]
- [blade scraping]
- [exhilarating music]
- [shouting]
- f*ck you!
- Hey! assh*le!
- f*ck!
- [glass bottle shatters]
- [clamoring]
- [comical music]
[July gulps]
[in Thai] You cannot escape!
[g*n cocking sound]
- [screaming]
- [gattling bananas]
[shouting]
[upbeat rock music playing]
[screaming]
[shouting]
- Where the hell have you been?
- Over there!
[screaming]
[speedy percussion music playing]
[Macky] Hurry!
[shouting]
[panting]
Big Bird!
- [woman] Big Bird!
- [screaming]
[clamoring]
- [speedy percussion music continues]
- [women screaming]
Big Bird!
Big Bird!
[shouting]
[men] Big Bird!
["Please Don't Touch My Birdie",
by Parokya ni Edgar playing]
[screaming]
[screaming]
[shouting]
[Prajak] Go ahead! I've got this!
Prajak!
Go! I can handle this! [groans]
[Prajak] Go!
Let's go! Let's go! [gasps]
[Prajak] Hurry!
Hurry!
[shouting]
[shouting]
- I'm tired!
- July! Hurry!
- Hurry!
- Don't leave me!
Hurry!
[shouting]
- [shouting]
- Goddammit!
[screaming, shouting]
[screaming, shouting]
[Luis] Assholes!
[Luis] Hurry!
[shouting]
[Macky] Don't leave me!
Come here! Come here!
- [shouting]
- [Luis] Oh my God.
[clamoring]
- [fisherman] Down! Down! Down!
- [muttering]
- [in Thai] They went that way.
- [shouting]
[men] They went that way.
[Luis] What do we do now?
- [Luis] What do we do now?
- [Macky] Be quiet.
[gasps]
[in English] You're safe now.
[in English] They are gone.
[in English] Thank you.
Uh, thank you for saving us.
[in English] Okay. Come with us.
[in English] Let's go somewhere safer.
[July] Why the hell
should we trust these guys?
We don't have a choice.
This is the end of us.
- Macky, don't panic!
- I'm scared!
We are not going to die here, Macky!
- [man] Let's go?
- [Luis] Thank you.
- [Macky] He really looks dangerous.
- [fisherman] Come.
[crickets chirping]
[fisherman] Water.
- [Luis] Thank you.
- [fisherman] Water.
[in English] You are Big Bird, yes?
[in English] You are our inspiration.
[in English] But him,
he lost an eye for you.
- [screams]
- [wistful music plays]
[sighs]
But it's okay.
[in English] We became fishermen
because of Big Bird!
Right?
Big Bird!
[man 1] Big Bird in...
How To Catch A Fish With His Mouth.
- [fisherman laughing]
- [animated voice speaking Thai]
Wow! Awesome.
[fisherman] Look!
Okay, okay.
Here.
[fisherman] Look!
[muffled chuckling]
[exclaims]
[man chuckling]
[Macky] What the hell?
- [gasps]
- [somber music]
This Big Bird worship
is getting out of hand.
[men gasp in awe]
- Master! You are my idol.
- You are the best!
[overlapping chatter]
[July] Just pretend, Carps.
- [Macky] What are you doing?
- [unzips pants]
[Macky] What the hell
are you doing, Carps?!
Pull them back up!
Carps!
[in English] I am not Big Bird!
[in English] You see? Huh? Hmm?
- Hmm?
- [ethereal music]
[Macky whispers] What are they doing?
[bell ding sound]
[man gasps]
[gasps]
[oriental plucking sound]
[gasps]
[wailing]
[July] Dammit! Carps!
- [Macky] Carpio!
- [July] Dammit, Carps!
[wailing continues]
[Macky] Carps! The hell are you pulling
your penis out for?
Shit, Carps.
Can't you pretend, just a little,
until we get back home?
[in English] We owe them the truth, man!
[in Taglish] Truth shit!
Hey! Pull yourself together!
[Luis] Pull yourself together?
The hell do you want me to do?
I'm not Big Bird!
You think I'm enjoying this? Huh?
You're the one
who suggested we make a porn!
Carps, if it wasn't for that,
- we'd probably be dead!
- Even then! [heavy breathing]
I just want to go home.
- Get back with Cathy!
- [July] Dammit!
Here we go again. Cathy again!
Cathy ain't here!
Who are you trying to impress?
[Luis] Will you shut the f*ck up?!
You should thank me for taking you here!
[July] Here we go again!
Don't worry, man, I'll pay you back!
After that, I'll give you back to Cathy!
Besides, you only hang out with us
when she's not around!
July, Carpio, what's going on?
- [July] No, Macky.
- Stop it!
[July] No, Macky. Oh.
The hell do you know about our lives?
You know what we're going through?
- You know what I'm going through?
- Hey.
- What Macky's going through?
- Stop it.
- Carps, I'm gay.
- What?
[somber music]
I thought you were just metrosexual?
Oh. See? See?
See? You only think about yourself!
You know what, man?
We have no issue with your tiny penis.
Our issue is you can't fight
for us with Cathy!
Actually,
you can't even fight for yourself!
Let's say you have a big penis. Huh?
But you'll never have balls!
- [July] You want balls?
- What are you doing?
- Don't do it!
- No dammit!
You want balls? Here! Here!
You'll never have these, Carpio!
Look at it! Look!
- Huh? You don't have these...
- [music intensifies]
- [Macky] Guys!
- [shouting]
- [Macky] Stop! Stop it!
- [July] You don't have the balls!
- [Macky] Guys! Carpio!
- [shouting]
- [Macky] That's enough!
- [shouting]
[Macky] That's enough!
[July gasps] Damn you, Carps! Damn you!
[grunts]
- That's enough!
- [shouting]
- [July] You don't have the balls, Carps!
- [Luis] Damn you!
- [July] You don't have the balls, Carps!
- [Macky] Stop it!
[Macky] That's enough!
[Macky] Damn you, two! Enough!
That's enough!
[sobs] Enough!
[melancholic music playing]
You're supposed to be friends!
[July] Move!
[muttering]
- [Macky sobbing]
- [in English] Eat?
[July] No! We're not hungry.
Him!
He's hungry for attention. Come on, Macky.
[July] Let's go back to Bangkok!
- [fisherman] Hm?
- [July] Excuse me. Excuse me.
Fine! Leave!
I don't give a shit!
[melancholic music continues]
[clattering]
[tuk-tuk engine revving]
[tires screeching]
- [traffic noise]
- [morose music playing]
[July gasps] Finally!
We made it!
All that shit that happened to us,
but we're here!
You think it's okay to leave Carpio there?
He's a big boy. It's fine.
What's important is we get our passports,
take a bath, then,
- figure out how to get home.
- Prajak!
- Guys.
- [Macky] How are you, Prajak?
- [Macky] You good?
- I'm fine.
- Where's Carpio?
- [July] Gone.
We're leaving him, and we're going home.
[sighs] Good to see you're good.
Yeah.
- So, Carpio's not here?
- [July] Nope.
Never mind. We'll give you a ride.
We?
Wait, how'd you know what hotel we're in?
I'm a tour guide! And I stole this.
- Damn you, Prajak!
- [gasps]
- You traitor!
- [Macky] What the hell?
- Take it easy!
- Prajak!
- [July] Damn you, Prajak!
- [Prajak] Just take it easy.
- [Macky] Hey, Prajak!
- You're a traitor, Prajak!
- [July] Damn you!
- [Macky] Damn you!
[July] I'm tired of being kidnapped!
I wanna go home!
[Macky] You're a douche, Prajak!
Nothing personal. Just a job.
[tense music playing]
[wistful guitar music playing]
[sneakers squeaking]
Macky?
July?
[panting]
- [Jaturawit speaking Thai on TV]
- [unsettling music]
[threatening in Thai]
- What?
- [July] Yo!
[in English] Carps
can't understand Thai! Dumbass!
[Jaturawit in English] You!
[in English] Talk to your friend!
[in English] No!
[in English] He's not my friend anymore.
[in English] Excuse me.
[Jaturawit in English] You! Do it!
Carps, wherever you are, damn you!
Go home! Leave us behind!
That's what you're good at!
Selfish!
[Jaturawit sighs]
[in English] Address on the tape.
You go there!
[exhales]
[sad synth music playing]
[tense swish]
[in English] You!
You! No! Stay away from me!
[in English] Stay away from me!
- Carpio!
- [in English] No! No! Please, please!
- [in English] Stop! Calm down!
- [gasps]
[in English] I'm not here to hurt you.
[in English] Then,
what do you want from me?
[in English] Deborah
took my friends already.
[in English] I don't even know what to do!
[in English] I have something
that Deborah wants.
Big Bird.
[in English] I knew
you weren't Big Bird
the first time I saw you.
[in English] I know
where the real Big Bird is.
- [in English] What?!
- [dramatic music]
[in English] But I am not
helping out of charity.
[in English] What's in it for you?
Hmm...
[in English] Big Bird is bad for business.
[in English] I gave him a place to hide.
[in English] But he attracts trouble.
[in English] I need you
to take him off my hands.
[in English] Me?
[sighs]
[in English] Why me?
[heavy horn blasts]
[quirky music playing]
- [cheerful music playing]
- [cheering]
Hey!
[man in Thai]
You have set an unrealistic standard
in which beauty is defined
solely by physical attributes,
fostering toxic behavior
towards individuals
who do not possess the same features.
[in Thai] This society has regressed
due to the insecurities
you have instigated.
[in Thai] You perpetuate misogyny,
triggering bullying,
and shaming of people
for their imperfections,
thus rendering them incapable
of appreciating their own self-worth.
[in Thai] Ugly!
[in English] Yes.
[in English] Me. Big Bird.
[in English] Okay?
[exhales loudly]
[in Thai] Thank you!
[electronic techno music playing]
[water running]
- [mysterious music]
- [bald eagle screeching sound]
Where the hell is Big Bird?
[gong bangs sound]
[quirky music playing]
[gong bangs sound]
Big Bird!
[grunts]
[in English] No, no, no!
[in English] You stay here.
[in English] You got me
in so much trouble already.
[in English] You owe me a drink.
[groans]
[in English] Fine.
[in English] Come.
[in English] So,
the rumors are true.
[in English] Someone does look like me.
[in English] But younger.
[in English] Weird.
[in English] Yeah.
[in English] So weird.
[in English] What happened to you, man?
[in English] What is this? An interview?
[in English] Uh... I got time.
[in English] Well,
if you managed
to escape Deborah and her men,
I owe you a story.
[in English] So, what do you...
[in English] When I was a young boy...
[mysterious music]
...my father told me,
"Son, you're hung like a horse.
[in English] Use your gift,
so you can get out
of this miserable life."
[in childlike voice in English] "You mean
my big bird, Daddy?"
[in normal voice in English] "Yes!
[in English] Spread your wings and fly!
[in English] Fly
like the big bird you are!"
[in English] So, I started to fly.
[in English] But it was so hard.
[gong bangs sound]
[in English] Wherever I go...
- [glass shatters]
- [man 1 gasps, in English] Careful, man.
...and whatever I do...
[man 2 in English] Excuse me.
...this big, big d*ck of mine
- always, gets in the way.
- [woman] Hey!
[speaking in Thai]
[Big Bird in English] I always felt small,
even this with big, big d*ck.
[in English] Why?
[in English] Why can't I
just be normal bird?
[in English] Until I met...
her.
[in English] She changed my life.
[Big Bird in English]
My friend referred me to a job.
- [nostalgic music]
- [in English] I was working as a janitor
for a rich woman in Pattaya.
[in English] Little did I know
that simple day
would turn out to be so different.
[in English] No! No! No! No!
[in English] This is giving me a headache!
[man, in Japanese] What is it
you're looking for,
Deborah-dono?
[in English] I am looking for that
spectacle of a man, with just one look,
he pierces your soul with orgasm!
[tranquil music playing]
[bald eagle screeching sound]
[moans]
[in Thai] Hello, cock!
[Deborah in English]
Looks like God has arrived.
[in English] Join me.
[in English] Let us
revolutionize the world!
[Big Bird in English] And that's
how Deborah transformed me.
[in English] From that simple
little Thai boy expat
into her big porn star.
- [chicks chirping sound]
- [gentle music playing]
[Big Bird in English] She named me
"Big Bird".
[women moaning]
[Big Bird in English]
Porn is illegal in Thailand,
so, we made the video in Japan,
where our videos first got popular,
and then in Thailand,
and then, all over Asia.
[in English] The sex wasn't too bad.
[in English] And so was the money,
the alcohol,
and the dr*gs.
[in English] I never thought
in my wildest dreams
that my d*ck would make me so big.
[somber music playing]
[Big Bird in English] But one day...
I just felt empty.
[in English] And I just walked away.
[in English] Being blessed this way
is more of a curse.
[somber music playing]
[in English] I may be more popular
than the girls I partnered with,
but the one thing I hate the most
is the feeling that someone owns me.
[in English] I own me!
[in English] And only I get to decide
what I do with this...
cursed d*ck!
- [Big Bird sighs]
- So, you left everything behind?
[in English] Then you hid here?
[in English] You know Kaoru, right?
[in English] She owns
this bar with her friends.
[in English] She offered me
free lodging to hide.
[in English] In exchange,
I get to DJ.
[in English] Been here for years.
[in English] I guess
enough sniffing from Deborah,
and the police
has gotten to her nerves.
[in English] Big Bird.
I need your help, please.
[in English] Deborah has my friends.
And they are in danger.
[in English] Say no more.
- [in English] So, you're going to help me?
- [in English] No!
[in English] What?! But...
[in English] What about
your promise to Deborah?
[in English] Is it a porn comeback?
[in English] Was that the promise?
[in English] Promise?
[somber music playing]
[in English] No!
[in English] I am sorry, Mr. Luis.
- [in English] I cannot help you.
- [in English] C'mon, man, please!
[in English] Big Bird,
you're my only hope!
[in English] I told you!
[in English] I am done with that.
[in English] You must accept the fact
that you have no more friends.
[in English] Look at me.
[in English] I have no friends,
but I'm fine.
[in English] Big idiot.
[in English] You know what?
I don't need you.
[in English] Yeah, you stay here,
where you're hiding
for the rest of your life!
[in English] I thought you were
more than just a big d*ck.
[in English] Hey, hey, hey,
you did not pay!
[swooshing sound]
[ethereal music playing]
[elephant trumpet sound]
[male voice in English]
The coward dies a thousand deaths,
the brave but one.
Are you sure about this? Big Bird?
[gong bangs sound]
["Nakaraan" by joem playing]
[groans]
This won't do!
I need a plan!
[sighs]
I'm coming for you, bros.
[sighs]
[dramatic music playing]
[quirky sound]
[dramatic music continues]
[wistful music playing]
[Macky] I'm getting annoyed!
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
The hell are you doing here?
- [July] Hurting us wasn't enough?
- [clicks tongue]
I'm helping you already. Stop whining!
There he goes again! Rubbing it in again!
[clicks tongue] I already said
I'm sorry, dammit!
Is that sincere?
I'll leave you here, then.
You think we're scared?
- Like we're not used to it.
- [Luis sighs]
[melancholic music playing]
I know I've been a douche of a friend
for the past few years.
I've been busy with work, with Cathy.
Guys, I've lost Cathy already.
I can't lose you, too.
Sorry!
[Deborah in English] Well, well, well.
[laughs]
[in English] Just in time
for the big finale.
[laughs]
[suspenseful music playing]
[Deborah in English] Wait for me there.
- [footsteps descending]
- [July] Wow.
[in English] Take your time.
[wistful music playing]
[in English] It's a long way, huh?
[Deborah, in Thai]
I'll take care of you all.
[in Thai] I can't believe you tricked me.
[in Thai] How dare you?
[in Thai] I am Deborah!
[Deborah talking indistinctly in Thai]
- [sighs deeply]
- [July clears throat]
- [Deborah talking indistinctly in Thai]
- [footsteps descending]
- They don't have elevators here, no?
- [July] Take your time,
we're not going anywhere.
[Deborah breathing heavily]
[tense music playing]
[breathes sharply]
[Deborah in English] I knew
there was something off about you.
[in English] Big Bird never had friends.
[in English] No one cares for him.
[in English] He was nothing more
than a big bird.
[in English] Deborah, please!
Let my friends go!
[in English] It's not us that you want!
[in English] Maybe...
after the video, I will let you go.
[in English] What?
[in English] That again?
[in English] But you already know
I am not Big Bird.
[in English] I have very, very small bird.
- [comical music playing]
- [in English] Yes. Very tiny.
[in English] Microscopic.
[July in English] Miniscule.
[in English] I don't care.
[in English] Either you do it
or I'll have your friends
do the video instead.
- Hey! I like that idea!
- [gasps]
Carpio, don't let them do it! Please!
Gross!
[Macky] p*ssy!
[in English] With them!
- [dramatic music playing]
- [men growling]
[July] Shit! No!
Carps, set us free right now! Hurry!
Hey! Touch move! You already said it!
[in English] Deborah! I'm ready anytime!
[in English] Deborah, please.
- [unsettling music playing]
- [in English] I don't care who does who.
[in English] Little bird, big, whatever!
[in English] I'll just digital pixelate
your f*cking small d*ck!
[in English] You men are all the same!
[in English] You take and you take,
and you get away with it,
- while we women suffer.
- [somber music playing]
[in English] Is it my fault
if I want to be satisfied
or aroused and get what I deserve?
[in English] You're in love with him,
aren't you?
[Luis sighs]
[in English] You just want him back.
[in English] The only guy
who ever loved you.
[in English] Quiet!
[in English] How dare you!
Prajak!
[Deborah, in Thai] Get in here!
[in English] Come on!
- [sinister music playing]
- [July] Hey...
Prajak?
[in English] What are you waiting for?
[in English] Come on!
Make his friends suffer!
[heavy breathing]
[Luis in English] Deborah, please!
[in English] Please let my friends go!
I'll do anything!
[in English] Please.
- [Deborah in English] Come on!
- [men growling]
[Deborah in English] g*ngb*ng him.
Bukkake all over his face!
You f*cking little small d*ck!
Fake bird!
- [laughing]
- [music distorts]
[indistinct]
[laughing]
[Macky] Carpio! No!
Do me instead!
[Luis] This is it. This is my karma.
[nostalgic music playing]
[Luis] I accept this.
[Jaturawit] Hurry up! sh**t now.
Don't miss the cum!
[laughing]
[July] Carpio, I promise!
I'll pay you back!
But if not, it's fine. No problem.
[in English] But Carpio! I love you!
[Luis] It's true.
We're all here because of me.
[Macky] Deborah! Let it be me!
Not Carpio!
- [Macky's screams echoing]
- [Deborah laughing]
[July] Carps! It's fine!
You can wash it off!
Promise we won't tell anyone!
[Luis in English] I wanted to be
the bigger man, but I failed.
I let you down, bros.
And I let me down.
This is it. Here we are.
I'll take this one
for the team.
[Deborah laughing, in English]
Cum! Cum! Cum on his face!
[Big Bird in English]
Point your camera at me!
[bald eagle screeching sound]
[dramatic music playing]
[Big Bird in English] Stop this at once!
- [blows land]
- [grunting]
- [bald eagle screeching sound]
- [groans]
[blows land]
- [grunts]
- [groans]
[bald eagle screeching sound]
- [suspenseful music playing]
- [groaning]
[Banana Lady] Hey! Big Bird!
[g*n cocking sound]
[grunts]
[chokes]
- [gasps]
- [woman choking]
[wistful music playing]
[woman grunts]
[Banana Lady, in Thai] I never
thought this would happen.
I've never had the bananas
that came from my vag*na before.
[in Thai] It's kind of hot.
[death cry]
[tense music playing]
[Big Bird in English]
Let them go, Deborah!
[bald eagle screeching sound]
[gasps]
[in English] It's... It's you!
[tranquil music playing]
[Deborah in English] It's really you.
Deborah.
[in English] Please...
let them go.
[in English] I know this is not you.
[in English] I... made you like this.
[in English] And I'm truly sorry.
[in English] Do you remember
what you promised to me?
[Big Bird in English] Yes.
[in English] Of course.
[magical music playing]
[Big Bird in English] After we make
that one big porn movie,
I will settle down with you
and marry you.
[in English] That was the promise.
[Deborah in English] I was madly
in love with you,
then you just left.
[in English] I know.
[in English] And I have loved you so much
that I have failed to tell you
that I have shrunk.
[in English] I was scared.
[in English] I wasn't man enough
to love you.
[in English] I will never
be enough for you.
[in English] All I ever was
is this big...
bird!
[grunts]
[in English] I don't care.
[in English] It was never
the size of your bird.
[in English] It's the size of your heart
that I fell in love with.
Oh! Deborah.
[gentle music playing]
Oh!
- [invigorating music playing]
- [Big Bird grunts]
[smooches]
[moans, grunts]
- Oh! Yeah!
- [chuckles]
[quirky sensual music playing]
[Deborah] Oh, Big Bird!
[Big Bird in English] Yeah! I am Big Bird!
[Deborah] Oh!
- [Big Bird in English] You like that?
- [Deborah] Big Bird! [moans]
[in Thai] Why are you looking at me?
Point your camera to them!
[sensual moaning]
- [Deborah] Oh! Big Bird.
- [Big Bird] Hard gattling! [grunts]
- [sexual grunting]
- Oh!
- [Macky] Gross!
- [Deborah moaning]
That d*ck will make me sick!
[Deborah speaking Thai]
[both moaning]
[Deborah] Big Bird! [moaning]
- [sexual moaning]
- [Luis] Hurry, hurry...
[sexual moaning]
[July] Dammit!
- [panting]
- [relieved exclaim]
[in English] Oh my God.
Dammit!
- I wanna go home!
- [Luis in English] Thank you, Lord!
- [in English] Thank you, Lord!
- [indistinct]
[Macky] Bro...
[sighing, panting]
It's finally over!
Yes, bro. I hope, man!
Big Bird!
- [dramatic music playing]
- I want your penis!
Goddammit! I told you I'm not Big Bird!
[screaming]
[shouts]
- [Kimura groans]
- [samurai clatters]
[groaning] Oh, shit.
[gasps]
I'm not sure, but I think he's dead.
[panicked shouts]
[inhales]
[Luis] Prajak?
[July] Why'd you help us?
[Prajak] 'Cause we're Filipinos.
But I'm really sorry.
[inhales]
Actually, I'm a little embarrassed.
Of all the people I could con,
I had to pick Filipinos.
I'm ashamed.
- [somber music playing]
- [sobbing]
You remind me of my old friends back home,
how tight you were,
just like how tight we were, too.
I remember all the shit we did.
I remembered...
I remembered who I really was.
All the times me and my friends
were hanging out...
I rememb...
- [Macky mumbles]
- Ow.
- [Macky] Stop this drama shit!
- That hurts.
Stop conning people.
You've got decent work. Don't waste it.
I deserved that.
[somber music playing]
We quits?
Can we start over?
Will you come here!
- [Prajak] Huh?
- Come here!
- I'm a little shy.
- [July] Come here.
- No, really, I'm a little shy.
- [Macky] I'll smack you
if you don't come here!
[Macky] One more from you.
[cheering]
- [July] That's enough.
- [Prajak] That's sharp.
[July] We're still pissed off at you.
[scoffs]
Sorry if...
I've been a douche.
I'm only there when I need you.
But when you need me,
where am I, right?
Beating off, most likely.
[in English] Sorry. Go on, please.
[nostalgic music playing]
This was supposed to be a make-up trip.
For all the times that I wasn't around.
Big Bird was right.
I wasn't man enough.
[somber music playing]
I had no balls to be myself.
Hope you can forgive me.
Are you crying?
You wanna cry?
Come here.
Let me blow you.
- Dork.
- [laughing]
I'll blow you instead.
- Stop it!
- [laughing]
- You stink!
- Kidding!
But seriously,
let me make up to you.
- Let's make this holiday happen!
- [upbeat music playing]
- Ah! Game?
- Game.
[all in English] Let's go!
- [in English] Let's go!
- [cheering]
[all chanting] Big penis! Big penis!
Big penis! Big penis!
["Sa Loob ng Dilim" by VINCED playing]
- [July] Police! Arrest this man!
- [indistinct speech]
[Prajak] Does it taste good?
[cheering, laughing]
[all cheering]
[Luis] There you go. Because of this trip,
I got to know Macky and July more.
And not just that.
We made a new bonus friend
in Tithi Prajak.
[indistinct chattering]
Got to know myself better, too.
Like the brochure said,
I can be the bigger man.
And I did.
A big man in little things,
like being there for my friends,
old and new.
[elephant trumpet sound]
[Cathy] Where are they now?
[Luis] Big Bird
kept his promise to Deborah.
After Big Bird retired from porn...
[in English] Looks like he can do porn.
[in English] Me?
[squeals]
[sensual moaning]
[Luis] Pretty Bird,
as Metrosexual Fighter!
[moaning, groaning]
- [Macky] Axe of Diva!
- [sensual shrieks]
- Bottom gattling!
- [sensual moaning]
[Luis] And his Dad accepted him.
[in Taglish] At least,
Macky didn't have to hide who he was.
[July speaking indistinctly]
[Luis] And July?
Still a hothead.
Stayed in Thailand
and became a tour guide.
[indistinct chattering]
But found a way to calm down
and have purpose.
[upbeat music playing]
The two may have stayed there,
but I brought home a new friend.
[Prajak] I'll go back
to my hometown, in Lapu-Lapu.
[Luis] Wait, Prajak?
[Luis] Is Tithi your real name?
[Prajak] Nope. Pepe, vag*na.
[in English] Snatcher! Snatcher! Hey!
That's not paid for yet!
[Luis] As an almost porn star,
I learned a few tricks
from my Thai twin Big Bird.
Oh!
Really?
[gasps] Alright, then. [moans]
But how?
Isn't it...?
[scoffs]
It's not the size.
It's how you use it.
- [growls]
- [Cathy giggles]
- [glass bowl shatters]
- [upbeat music playing]
[moaning, groaning, shrieking]
[shrieking]
[gasps]
[moaning]
In!
[Cathy] Out! [sensual shrieking]
In! [groaning]
Out! [shrieking]
- All in!
- [shouting, shrieking]
[upbeat music intensifies]
[groaning, shrieking, moaning]
[in English] Luis, I will teach you
my ultimate finishing sex move.
Much, much better
than hard gattling.
[Cathy moaning]
Final! Bird! Freedom!
- [bald eagle screeching sound]
- [Cathy panting]
[music ends]
FINAL BIRD FREEDOM
I Am Not Big Bird (2024)
Moderator: Maskath3