01x08 - We Know the Way Out

[bunniefuu]

- Thought about renting?
- I think this just makes more sense.

- Milk?
- Got any soya?

- No, we don't.
- Oh, okay.

- Do you want me to start buying soya milk?
- No, it's all right.

- I can make it.
- Oh, okay.

So just some yellow organic soya beans
and some vanilla extract, please.

And a small muslin cheesecloth.

So, um...

they give you a kid at this panel?

- No.
- Oh, it's a shame.

Yeah, no. They have to approve us
before we can start looking.

- How long does it take?
- A while.

So, you won't be needing
your spare room super soon then?

Well, I told you. You shouldn't get
involved in other people's relationships.

- Jason, I had no choice.
- You've gotta fight the urge, man.

It's like if, um, uh, Attenborough sees an
elephant who's hurt or dying or whatever,

he cannot intervene.

No matter how much he wants to,
he's gotta leave it.

- He doesn't leave it.
- Oh, yeah, he does.

- No, I don't believe that. You're lying.
- I'm not.

You're telling me that if he sees
an elephant and it's hurt,

- he doesn't help it?
- No.

- All right. What about a baby elephant?
- Definitely not.

- He just... He ignores a baby elephant?
- He has to.

- No. You're winding me up.
- I'm not.

- A baby elephant?
- Yes.

Well, that's really upset me.

Oh, oi, oi. Have you done your panel prep?

Yeah, yeah. More or less, yeah.

Jase, I don't like having him here.

- He's a bad influence on you.
- I'll do it later, all right?

- Jason!
- Yeah?

- Fi-Fi-Fi-Fi-Fifa!
- Bruv, I'm not being Chelsea.

That's why I already put you in as Bolton.

Lauren,
you have got that all over your face.

- Can you pass me the...
- Yeah. This?

Yeah. Thank you. Give this to you.

- Did you give him that?
- No.

Great,
so he's just picked that up off the...

Fantastic,
my six-month-old is self-medicating.

Here, darling. Here.

- How's Freddy?
- Says he misses you.

- What are you gonna do?
- I don't know.

Right now I've only got the energy
to be a parent to two children,

so he's gonna have to sort himself out.

He wants to see the kids.

- When?
- Weekends and two weekday nights.

Okay.
So more than when he lived with us then?

- Anyway, how are you?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

Oh, say if no, but, um,
would I be able to borrow your dress,

the one that you bought
a couple of weeks ago?

- Oh, yeah. Why?
- No, no reason.

No, it's... We've got the panel.

- Oh, God, Nikki. I completely forgot.
- Oh, no, it's okay.

Sorry, I just keep going on about...
Shit, sorry, yeah.

No, of course you can.
Um, how do you feel about it?

Yeah, I mean,
it's basically just a job interview.

But instead of a job, it's for everything
I've ever wanted, so yeah.

Oh, look, fudge. Let me just... Yeah.

Okay. We ready?

Yeah. I think so.

Oh.

You set an alarm
just in case we forgot the...

- Just in case.
- Right. Right, okay.

Oh.

Oh, my God.

What? My phone could've died, couldn't it?

Come on.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Can we go through what we're gonna say?

Okay, but I don't want it
to sound rehearsed.

I just wanna make sure
that we're on the same page.

All right.

All right, I'm gonna try and connect
with Melanie.

- All right.
- She's from child services.

- She goes kayaking and she likes crafting.
- How'd you know that?

Doesn't matter.
I'm gonna tell her I make my own candles.

It's crafting,
but it's not too on the nose.

- But you don't make your own candles.
- See, Jason.

This is one of the many things that
we need to be on the same page about.

Right.

What?

- You have thought about your answers?
- Oh, yeah.

It's just that I know you.

And when you make mistakes,
you panic and you do your jokes.

- Yeah, but I'm better if I'm loose.
- I want them to like you as much as I do.

Hey. Don't worry about me,
all right? I'll be fine. Okay?

Okay.

Whatever happens, don't get angry,
'cause anger won't help.

Right, okay. "Don't shout at the people."

Right, I'll try and remember that, yeah.

Oh, you're already here. How annoying.

I'm so sorry I'm late.

The bus timetable is largely
a work of fiction at this point.

Bloody stairs! At least we're not the
Benefit Office. They're on the top floor.

No wonder they're all in tracksuits.

Ah, no, I need the... Um...

- Right, can you read that?
- Um...

- No.
- No.

Oh, don't... No, it's okay. Okay.
It's probably fine. It's probably fine.

Right, okay. Now, first thing,

the Melanie woman
from child services isn't here,

so we've got a Michael Grafton.

And he is a local councillor
and chair of the finance subcommittee.

- How terribly dull.
- Okay, why isn't she here?

Maternity leave. Salt in the wounds,
I know, but there we go.

Uh, second thing.
Do you have a... Oh, crap.

What's the thing? What is...

- Social media presence?
- Why?

Deep dive. They would shove a probe
up your bottom if they could.

- All right?
- Yeah.

- Did you delete everything?
- Yeah.

- Your whole account?
- All of it, yeah.

Gone dark. North Korea'd the lot.

- Yeah.
- Oh, goodness.

All right?

- Got bit of a cramp actually.
- Oh.

Oh, yeah.

- Jason, Nikki?
- Yes.

- Would you like to come through?
- Oh, yes.

Thank you, Your Honor.

- It's okay. It's not a court.
- Oh, okay. Sorry.

It's okay.

- Is it the door on the right? Okay.
- Yes, that's...

Okay, so welcome.

This is the panel review for Nikki Newman
and Jason Ross,

who are seeking approval
as prospective adopters.

So, I'm Sam. I'll be chairing today.

And just to let you know
a little bit about me,

I've spent around 13 years
working in social care,

mainly with children in the care system.

- Oh, well done.
- Oh, thank you.

- Sorry.
- So before we begin,

I'm just gonna let everyone introduce
themselves. So, can we? Yes.

Hi, I'm Simon Davis. I work
in adolescent mental health services.

- Hi, Simon.
- Hi, Simon.

Julie Okolo, educational professional
and play therapist.

- Hi, Julie.
- Hello, Julie.

Another Julie. Julie Farnby.
I'm an adoptive parent of two.

- Hi, Julie.
- Hello, another Julie.

Michael Grafton, member of the council
and chairman of the finance subcommittee.

- Hello, Michael.
- Hi, Michael.

Nina Malik, lawyer in family court.

- Hi, Nina.
- Hi, Nina.

Jeanette Hale. My background
is in children and family social work.

- Hi, Jeanette.
- Hi, Jeanette.

Caoimhín Óg Ó hEachthighearna,
social worker in youth welfare.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Okay, well, that's our hour.
Thanks for coming in.

That went well. Did we...

I should say that Nikki is very nervous.

So I've assured her
you're all going to be lovely to her.

It's all right,
I'm just imagining you all naked, so...

Yeah. I enjoy a bit of that,
even when I'm not nervous.

Okay, well, let's start
by summarizing the report.

I think we'd really love it if you could
tell us a little bit about yourselves.

- Yeah, um...
- Okay, great.

Well, we've been together
for three blissfully happy years,

two average ones.

And, uh, in terms of hobbies,
we like, uh, TV, talking...

seeing people that we like.

You know, um,
we're both white, obviously...

I don't know what... Yeah, go on.

- We like keeping active.
- Yeah.

- I do yoga. Jason's a keen runner.
- Yeah. I love running.

- We're both really into our cooking.
- Oh, lovely.

- Badminton. Both big badminton fans.
- What?

Oh. Where do you play?

Oh, anywhere. We just love the game.

- It's addictive, isn't it?
- Yes. He has to drag me off the pitch.

- Court.
- Court.

Um, we just both like generally
keeping ourselves busy.

Mm.

So, Jason...

- you teach English to foreign students.
- I do, Michael, yes.

- And how long you been doing that?
- Oh, too long.

- Oh, you don't like it?
- No, I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- It can be frustrating at times, but...
- Do you get frustrated a lot?

With younger people?

- Oh, no. God, no. No, no, no, I don't.
- No.

Okay.

And, Nikki,
you work at a car rental firm. How's that?

Oh, it's really great. I really love it.

It's really satisfying matching people
to... cars. So, yeah.

It's fair to say
that these are not highly paid jobs.

- Well...
- Yeah, that's fair.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- So, where does that leave you?
- Scruffy end of Camden.

Nothing wrong with that.

The last thing we need
is rich people's kids.

That's why the country's in a mess,
isn't it? Rich people's kids.

But if your child
needed extra care or tuition,

or, I don't know, a disability ramp,
you could manage that?

- Yeah. I think we'd cope.
- Mm.

But it might be a struggle?

Well, I've actually just taken a promotion
at work, uh, to be a manager.

So I'll be a lot more...

managerial,
which will involve some extra cash.

There you go.

Ramps for everyone!

And you're not married?

No, no.
We've never really felt the need, have we?

- No.
- There's not an issue with commitment?

No, no issue with commitment.

I think we just feel
that a bit of paper from the government

doesn't prove anything.

I mean, your one does.
We do need that, obviously.

- We're totally committed.
- Yeah.

Um, we know a lot of married couples,

and it's no guarantee
that a relationship will last.

Exhibit A.

Yeah, but no...
Obviously honesty is important.

But it sort of goes into, again,

what I was saying earlier
about communication, right?

So if you've got like a, um...

- What's those?
- Pyramid.

Pyramid or tri... Then communication
will be at the top, right?

Then you've got honesty underneath there.

But the communication sort of
encompasses both of them.

So, if what you're...

I've... been talking so long now,
I've forgotten what your question was.

What do you think a child
would mean to you?

Exactly, right. Okay.

Communication. Below that,
honesty, and below that...

- What would you... Yeah, yeah.
- Sorry, Jase.

I think that we started this process
thinking about what a child could give us,

but now, honestly, we're just so excited
about what we can give a child.

- Well said that, woman.
- Yeah, man.

I want to ask about something
in the medical report.

If it's about his smoking, he's quitting.

- He's doing really well actually.
- I've not had one in ages now, Michael.

Actually, it's your report.

Oh, okay.

So, I see you're taking Citalopram.

Oh, okay. Yeah.

And that's for?

It's, uh, it's anxiety.
It's not the highest dose though.

I see.

And why do you think you have anxiety?

Don't you watch the news?

Well, it's hard to say, um...

I don't know.

And how do you think parenting
might affect it?

Well, I-I think that everyone
has to work hard at being a parent...

- Mm.
- Irregardless of anxi...

- Regardless of anxiety.
- Mm. Mm.

You started taking it around a year ago.

Why was that?

So, this was one round of IVF
and then you stopped.

Is that correct?

Well, we-we were told, um,
it was very unlikely to work.

And they only fund one round, don't they?

So quite recently then
that you stopped trying?

Well, uh, no, not that recent.

We tend to advise people
to wait a little longer.

It just... it really feels right now.

It absolutely does, yeah.

I think what my colleagues
are getting at is,

adoption can't be seen
as a replacement for a birth child.

- These kids are no one's plan B.
- Oh, no. Yeah, no. We know.

People are reluctant
to put all their eggs in one basket

and often try and pursue pregnancy
at the same time.

She hasn't got any eggs.
I mean, that's why we're here.

We're not even thinking about
getting pregnant now.

Quite right. Why would you?
Awful business.

Thirty-two hours, my first one.

They had to prize that boy out of me
with a hot spoon.

I said,
"Listen, you have got half an hour,

and whatever's not out of me by then,
you can bloody well push back in."

I think it's fair to say
that there are concerns here.

In our experience, it takes time
to deal with a failure to conceive.

Yeah, we've all got something that
we're dealing with though, haven't we?

I mean, God, no one's perfect.

- But for you to be good adoptive parents...
- Sorry to interrupt you, Julie,

but no one knows who's going to be
good parents, do they?

I mean, look at, um, uh...

Hitler, right?

Hitler's son
ran a medical supply business.

He was a nice fellow, apparently.

- And he had Hitler as a dad.
- Can you stop talking?

I'm not comparing us to Hitler, obviously.
I'm just saying it's basically random.

- Could you please stop?
- Okay.

- We do have a responsi...
- Actually, I think it was his nephew...

that did the medical... Sorry, go on.

We do have a responsibility
to the children and to you

to make sure that you're in a position
that you can cope

with what could be
a challenging situation.

And for someone like yourself
with a history of anxiety and depression...

I think you're making this
sound much worse than it actually is.

My experience with mental health is
it's the ones who don't ask for help

you got to worry about.

They are the ones you see
in the post office in their pants

trying to post their hair to Elton John.

We know how hard a transition
this must be.

You're bound to still be feeling
a degree of pain.

Can people please stop telling me
how I feel?

I know how I feel
because I'm the one feeling it.

I am absolutely ready for this.

And I can't prove it to you
because how could I?

But I just... I-I know.

Sorry.

- I actually just feel a bit sick.
- Would you like some water?

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, let's take a short break.
Shall we, yeah?

- Yes.
- Sorry. Thanks.

- You okay?
- Yep.

- You sure?
- Yeah, I'm fine. Just leave me.

We're doing our job.

Isn't this what we need?
Good, committed people?

Look, concerns were raised.
It's due diligence.

Bloody balls to that.
I've got kids who need homes.

- Suitable homes.
- They are sui...

They are suitable.

Christ, if they're not suitable,
we may as well all pack up and go home.

I've got kids in bloody w*r zones
out there.

Kids half starved to death
two miles from where we are standing.

Kids whose muscles are wasting away
because no one ever lifts them out of bed.

And in this city, that is happening.

Look, we're all aware
it's a challenging environment.

I vouch for them.

I've been doing this for 30 years,
and I am vouching for them.

People really need to stop telling me
that I can't have children

'cause it is seriously
just starting to piss me off.

Okay. They are being beastly to you.

And if it carries on,
I'm gonna climb over that table

and hit them about the head
ever such a lot of times.

I know, I know, I know,
I know I'm supposed to just take it,

but all I've had is doctors, consultants,

and now local bloody councillors
looking over their glasses at me going,

"Nope, not quite good enough. Sorry."

Yeah, it's not fair. None of it is fair.

I do feel over it.
I do feel ready. I want this.

But then as soon as I want something,

- I just...
- Okay, just listen to me.

You are neither a dog with wheels
for back legs, nor married to my sister,

so I have no pity for you.

So, you pick yourself up
and slap on a smile,

because it is not over until it is over.

- Okay?
- Yeah.

Right. Come on.

It's all right.

- Hitler?
- Badminton?

Thank you.

So, Julie, I think you wanted
to pursue this idea of loss.

I'm sorry. Can we stop, plea...
Objection. I have an objection.

- Again, not a court.
- Okay, sorry. I just, um...

Before we carry on,
there's just something I have to say.

- I can't let you talk about her like this.
- Jase.

- No, it's fine.
- No, I'm sorry, I can't.

I cannot. Because if they knew you,
they would not speak to you like this.

- Do you know how amazing she is?
- Jason.

Do you know how much of a better person
I am since I met her?

It's not even like
she really does anything.

It's just being near her.

You sort of get cured in it, like bacon.

Seriously.

Okay, so, um,
a while ago we hired a car, right?

And she cleaned it before she gave it back

because she wanted it to be nice
for the next people.

I mean, who does that?

Who cleans a rental car?

So for you to say
that we're not the kind of people

who should be doing this because of
what we've been through, that's not true.

Because, uh...

we keep hearing
that these children's journeys

have started with trauma... and loss.

Well, so did ours.

So we are the kind of people
that you need because...

we know pain.

'Cause we've been through it.

And we know the way out.

That's it.

Okay. Shall we move
to the home study report?

You know I cleaned that car 'cause
I borrowed it from work without asking?

Oh, shit.
I better go and tell them then, hey?

Oh, stop it.

I'm really sorry.

- What do you mean? For what?
- Ju...

For everything,
for all the trouble I cause you.

What are you talking about?

Well, if you were with someone else,
you wouldn't be having to do this,

- would you?
- Don't wanna be with someone else.

- Yeah.
- I wanna be with you.

Say that now 'cause you're with me
and you love me.

But if you were with someone else,

you'd love them
and that love would be easier.

Nikki.

I feel sorry for anyone
not going out with you.

Honestly.

I don't know how they get up
in the morning.

I'm not saying that they won't approve us,

but, you know, I almost burst into tears
and you compared us to Hitler, so...

I just want you to know that,
if this doesn't happen...

you're enough.

Okay.

So, they want you to do some counseling

just because it's not been long
since you stopped trying, but...

But?

You've been approved.

- We're getting a baby.
- Yeah.

- I mean, at some point.
- Not now.

- No, and not a baby necessarily.
- Not necessarily a baby, but, I mean...

Sorry.

Yay!

So, what happens now then?

Well, now is the fun part.
Now we meet some kids.

- Just ideally not...
- Not a Chelsea fan.

I know that's a redline for you.

That's a bit more of a blue line,
isn't it?

That's a nice jumper.

Oh, thank you.

I just tell it like it is.

You, uh, much of a football man
yourself, Vic?

No, not really. I watch it on the telly.
Do you know how to play golf?

- Oh, golf. No.
- Karen.

- Karen, hello!
- Hey.

- I'm really sorry.
- I'm really sorry.

- I don't know why I said that.
- I know you don't like him. I've chosen...

Oh, my God. Karen, that's huge.
That must have cost a fortune.

Yeah. That's what Scott said.

Come on. What are you having then?

So you just swipe right if you like him,
like that.

Okay. Oh, this is a game changer for me.

Yeah. I was single last weekend.
It was tough.

- How long has it been for you?
- Um, I had a bloke a while back,

but the dog took against him
and he's right more times than he's not.

Oh, he's nice.

- Oh. Do you want to have a go?
- What do you mean?

- Just swipe right.
- Shall I?

- Yeah, do it. Right.
- Okay.

Ooh, I like him too.

- Get me another one.
- Okay.

Just get me another one.

I know he's not Brad Pitt, but...

You know, you start off dreaming
of this perfect love

that's gonna lift you up and make
your heart beat and your head hurt.

And then...

you end up just wanting someone
to go to lunch with.

It's compromise.

And at this stage, it's either him,

a handsome r*cist
or someone amazing in a coma.

I didn't realize you were so lonely.

I used to send you texts at 2:00 a.m.

Yeah. I thought
you were just being annoying, Karen.

Yeah, well, that too.

Mate.

Stuff can still be good, you know?

Even when it's not planned.

Yeah.

So, you're a manager now?

- Yeah.
- When were you gonna tell me that?

I should probably tell someone
at work first,

to be fair.

We have to grow up now.
For real. No excuses.

- We'll have to start saving.
- And get a pension.

And eat pâté.

And read proper books,
not ones from supermarkets.

And I'm gonna tell my dad to stop
sending me money on my birthday.

All right? I'm gonna do it.

Oh, we should get place mats
and special cutlery.

- And guest towels.
- And an ironing board.

- And an iron.
- And an iron.

You know,
we should probably knock through.

God, yeah. Definitely knock through.

An excellent way
to maximize space in your property.

And we're going to need the extra space.