01x06 - Blarney Buddies / Over The Hump / Johnny Meets Farrah Fawcett

[bunniefuu]

Baby!

Sassy!

Studly.

Check the pecs. Hee! Ha! Huh!

Man, I'm pretty.

Do the monkey with me! Come on!

Hey there, baby.

Oh! Uh!

Yeah, whatever.

TOUR GUIDE:

And no tour of Ireland

would be complete

without a walk through a field

of genuine Irish 4-leaf clovers.

- Ooh!

- Ooh!

- Ahh!

TOUR GUIDE:

As beautiful as they are,



so as tempted as you might be,

please don't pick 'em!

JOHNNY:

She loves me,

she loves me not.

She loves me,

she loves me not. Dang.

She loves me,

she loves me not.

She loves me,

she loves me--

Aw, dang!

She loves me,

she loves me not.

She loves me--

And what in the name of Mike do

you think you're doing?

Mike? Sorry, ma'am.

Johnny is the name.

Johnny Bravo. Ha!

She loves me not.

Aw, dang again.

You know, these--

Ah! Uh! Ugh!

Ohh...

Boy, I'd hate to be

that Mike guy.

Ha!

Ireland, smireland.

What's all the hubbub

about this place anyway?

[coins jangling]

[mumbling]

Boy, do I!

That's it.

I'll kiss this blarney thing

and get lucky in love.

Hyah! Now all I got to do

is find it.

Well, top of the morning

to you, stranger.

Does everybody here

wear green?

Well, looks as though

you've discovered me crock of gold.

And according to the rules,

I owe you a wish.

Hey, aren't you

a little young to have a beard?

Allow me to

introduce meself.

Stone's the name.

Barney Stone.

Hey, did you say your name

is Barney Stone?

Aye, indeed I did.

[thinking]

Want more luck

in your love life?

[echoes]

Kiss the Blarney Stone.

[echoes]

And--and you have

magical powers?

Aye, indeed

I do--do--do--do...

Ah, close enough.

The name's Johnny Bravo.

And I need to kiss you

to change my luck.

Pucker up, shorty.

I'll just disguise meself,

I will, as a sheep

and give him the slip,

I will.

Eeny, meeny, Larry, Moe,

catch it--

Aw, man.

How am I gonna find him?

I know. Scotland rules!

Now, wait just

a Mike lovin' minute!

Aha!

Aw, man, this place

is weird. Hyah!

[call to the post plays]

I'll be needing meself

a ride.

I get the feeling

you're playing hard to get.

Whoa! Ho!

Ooh! Oh! Doh!

Well, this is nice--oh!

[crowd cheering]

Kind of.

Maybe I can lose

the crazed hooligan inside.

Oh, baby!

This is where they make

my favorite cereal: Fortune Flakes.

Cool!

[alarm]

Who goes there?

My name's Johnny Bravo,

sir, and I--

Silence! I am the great and powerful

Clovy the clover,

official mascot of

Fortune Flake cereal.

What do you ask

of Clovy?

Well, I'm looking for

a little green guy,

about so tall, hairy face,

running in terror 'cause

I got to kiss him.

[crash]

What the...

Now, then,

off with you, strange one.

I smell a little

hairy green rat.

Uh, the one you seek has no desire to

kiss you or anything else.

Gotcha! Hyah!

[squeal]

[bawk bawk]

I'm beginning to see

a pattern here.

Now, look, kid,

it's not that I want to kiss you.

It's just that I have to,

so chicks will still dig me.

You dig me?

Oh, listen, laddie,

I'll give you any wish you want,

but I'm a-begging you

not to kiss me.

Anything?

Well,

just name it, lad.

But for

the love of Mike,

don't--

don't kiss me.

Ok, here goes nothing.

I wish I could be

really attractive to the chicks.

Ah, consider it done.

[snaps fingers]

And farewell to you,

you strange,

strange lad.

[rumbling]

[clucking]

Oh, my!

He's a big one!

Um...

Let's get him,

girls!

Well, I'll be flocked.

Me, too.

Oh, shut up.

It's a beautiful day,

but not as beautiful as me.

"See the world."

"Have an adventure."

"Meet exotic women."

"They're this way."

This must be the place.

Howdy there,

military mama.

Ever seen g*ns

like these before?

Huh! Hyah!

Can I help you, Hercules?

Bravo is the name, ma'am.

Johnny Bravo.

And I'm here to take

some of them exotic women

off your hands.

Now, if you'll

just kindly point me to them...

Oh, you must have

seen our posters.

Why, yes, ma'am.

Now, do I get

all the women at once,

or do you just kind of send them to me

one at a time?

Well, if you just sign here

on the dotted line,

everything will become

perfectly clear to you.

Huh. "The party

of the first part

does hereby sign over to the party

of the second part--"

Cool. I love a party.

Blah blah blah

yadda yadda yadda.

Where do I sign?

Here, here, and here.

You might want to save them there

autographs, little French fry.

They're gonna be

valuable some day.

Oh, I'm sure they will.

[buzz]

Is this part

of the party?

WOMAN:

Congratulations.

You are now a proud member

of the French Foreign Legion.

I love the way

you say French. Ha!

Whoa!

Oh!

Is there a movie

on this flight?

Oui, monsieur.

It is entitled shut your mouth!

Haven't seen it.

Any chicks in it?

Listen up, slime!

You are now a private

in the service of

the French Foreign Legion.

Your training will

begin immediately!

Training?

Hey! I'm at the beach!

Hyah! Huh! Surf's up.

[whistling sound

like incoming bombs]

Ooh!

Oh...This is nice.

Who are you?

Aah!

Sand worm!

Take that! And that!

Aw, mama.

Hey, sand worms don't talk.

Who are you?

Mister, I'm Johnny Bravo.

Huh! Ha!

And you just made

a big mistake.

I'll say. I never

should have fallen

for that free

exotic vacation bit.

Look at this place.

There's not one massage table.

What is this place?

Looks like the desert

to me.

My skin's

gonna get so dry.

[whistling sound]

Hi there, folks!

I'm Jackie Jacques!

And I'm the host of

"Find the Fort,"

the game where you either

find the legion fort

or you die of thirst

in the Sahara desert.

Yay!

Yay!

Let's meet

our contestants.

Johnny Bravo.

It says here that

your hobbies are women,

girls, and chicks.

And babes.

Don't forget babes.

And your name

is Lawrence?

That's right.

As in Lawrence

of Arabia?

No. As in Lawrence of

shut up, smart pants!

Ha ha! Well, good luck

to both of you.

Yay!

All right,

let's get going.

You're not

the boss of me.

Hey! You can't leave me

out here all alone!

[sizzling]

♪ La la la la la la ♪

♪ What a glorious morning ♪

Hey, let's race.

Come on,

Mr. Lazy bones!

I'm

kind of thirsty.

Thirsty? Ha!

I'm never thirsty.

You see this hump?

Yeah. You should

get that lanced.

No, silly.

This hump keeps me constantly

supplied with moisture.

I can go for days without water.

Ha ha!

♪ I have a hump,

and you don't ♪

♪ I have a hump,

and you don't ♪

Oh...

Geronimo!

Ah...That's better.

Hey there, baby.

In case I drown,

I'm counting on you to give me

mouth-to-mouth.

Ow!

You silly!

That was just a mirage.

You know,

an optical illusion.

Man, mirages hurt.

Oh ho! It looks

like one of our boys

is getting

a little tired.

What about it,

Johnny?

Think you'll still be able to

find the fort?

Well--

What do you think,

folks?

Yay.

Hey, you got

any water?

No. Good luck, fellas.

Man, I'm hot.

Thirsty?

No.

I mean good-looking.

[sizzling]

[panting]

W-water.

Water?

How about we sing

the water song?

♪ Oh, there was

a farmer had a dog ♪

♪ And water was his name-o ♪

♪ W-a-t-e-r ♪

♪ And water was

his name-o ♪

Not the water song.

Anything but the water song.

Hey, what are you

looking at?

Aah!

Now, hold it!

You're being very scary.

All right.

I need water, hump boy,

not show tunes,

and I need it now.

[rumbling]

Congratulations!

You found the fort.

We did?

We did?

Yay!

Jackie, tell me

what I've won.

Well, you can either stay here

and enter the fort

or take what's behind

door number 2.

Aw...Well, I have had it

with this place.

I'm taking

door number 2.

Congratulations!

You've won an all-expense-paid trip

to Aron city.

Ha! Check you later,

hump boy.

Gonna miss you,

sand worm.

I'm going to

the fort, Jackie!

Ah!

Who wants to play

Twister?

- We do!

- We do!

Smoothie?

You know it.

Hey, baby!

Whoa!

Man. I hate women drivers.

[ticking]

[ring]

Hyah!

Aw, man. It's today.

Today is the day they release

the new Farrah Fawcett shampoo!

Huh! Hyah!

Oh, Farrah, I love the way

you make me smell.

[telephone rings]

Hello?

Hi, Johnny.

This is little Suzy from next door.

Will you come to

my birthday party today?

I'm busy.

Call me in 15 years

when you're a coed.

Please? It'll be fun.

No.

You want to come

to my birthday party?

No.

You want to

come to my--

No!

Why not?

I'm busy, little girl.

Doing what?

I'm on my way to buy

the new

Farrah Fawcett shampoo for men.

Hyah!

Farrah Fawcett?

You know, she's coming to my party.

Is not.

Is too.

Is too.

Is not.

Is not! Not!

Not! Not!

Is! Is! Is! Is!

Farrah Fawcett

is my cousin,

and she's coming

to my party.

Yeah, right.

And pigs fly.

[oink oink]

Besides, I'm too big

and too handsome

to come to a silly

little kid party.

Fine. I'm taking

your name off of

the approved

guest list.

Like I care.

[horn honks tune of

la cucaracha]

Ah!

Wha...

Oh, man.

Farrah Fawcett.

The only person whose hair

is prettier than mine. Hyah!

Cousin Farrah!

Cousin Suzy,

happy birthday!

Did you set up

the kissing booth for me?

I sure did,

and I have a lot of different-flavored

lipsticks for you, too.

I got to get in there.

[crying]

You, blond boy,

back of the line.

Well, at this rate,

we're gonna miss bikini volleyball.

Life is cruel.

Next!

What's up, dude?

Give me that!

You can never be too careful!

[ticking]

It's a b*mb!

Ah! Oh! Eek! Ah!

Man,

you're spazzing.

All right, you can go in, but the

skateboard stays here. Capisci?

Capisci.

Later, Captain Spaz.

Kids. Next.

[alarm]

Hold it right there, granny.

Empty the pockets.

No way, handsome.

You're gonna have to

frisk me.

Next.

Darn it.

[alarm]

Name?

Johnny Bravo.

Occupation?

Johnny Bravo.

Your name has been crossed off

the guest list, friend.

Entrance denied.

Look, mister, I got to get in there

and meet Farrah Fawcett.

I'm afraid

I can't allow that.

Well, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to use

my karate on you, mister.

Ha! Ha! Oh!

That's why I always carry this

handy-dandy cattle prod.

I am here for the party.

Honk, honk.

Sorry, chum.

No clowns allowed.

Who are you

calling a clown?

Ooh!

That's why I always carry this

handy-dandy extendo boxing glove.

Oh!

Hey!

JOHNNY:

Sorry, mister.

It's a matter of overabundant

testosterone.

Ha ha ha!

This is so much fun.

I can't remember the last time

I was blindfolded.

Oh, wait.

Yes, I can.

Hee hee hee!

Oops. Hee hee!

[whistling sound]

Farrah! Oh...Farrah.

Whoa!

Oh! Ow! Doh! Ugh!

Oh...Oh, mama.

Hey, what are you

supposed to be?

I'm Smarmy the dinosaur.

Hold on there,

mister.

I need to borrow

that costume.

No way! It's a rental.

You don't understand.

Farrah Fawcett's in there,

and I'm out here.

Tough luck, uberman.

Uh!

Give me the suit!

Smarmy the dinosaur!

Wow!

May I say, Mr. Smarmy,

that I have always admired

your work?

Yeah, yeah.

Sure, sure.

Now let me in,

all right?

Ow! Ow!

Thank you, Mr. Smarmy.

One for you.

And one for you.

And one for you.

And one for...

for you.

Look!

It's Smarmy the dinosaur!

- Smarmy!

- Smarmy!

- Ooh!

- Ooh!

I want to give him

a big smarmy hug.

Woo!

Smarmy!

Oh, how sweet.

That Smarmy is so nice.

I'm gonna have to give him

a big kiss.

Aw, man!

It's my lucky day.

I'm gonna kiss

Farrah Fawcett.

Now, if I could only

get this thing off! Argh!

You know,

I'm a big fan of yours.

Oh...Mama.

[thud]

Thank you for inviting me

to your party, cousin Suzy.

I'm sorry you couldn't meet

my neighbor Johnny.

I know. I guess I'm gonna have to find

another date for tonight.

Oh, well. His loss.

- Ha ha ha!

- Ha ha ha!

Oh. Well, I got to run.

Good-bye, everybody.

[everybody]

Good-bye, Farrah.

Hey, come on,

get off of me, kid.

Watch it, you little brat.

Hey, don't dis the do,

baby.

Don't touch the hair.