01x11 - Going Batty / Berry the Butler / Red Faced In The White House

[bunniefuu]

Baby!

Sassy!

Studly.

Check the pecs. Hee! Ha! Huh!

Man, I'm pretty.

Do the monkey with me! Come on!

Hey there, baby.

Oh! Uh!

Yeah, whatever.

Hey, baby.

What are you doing

this Saturday night?

It is Saturday,

you pinhead!

Hmm.

Maybe I better plan

these things

a little more in advance.

Did you enjoy yourself,

my undead queen?

No, Woody,

I did not.

It's Saturday night,

and you took me to a library.

I'm tired of this

undead life.

How could you possibly

be tired of this?

We're eternal.

People are scared of us.

How cool is that?

I mean, look.

Boo!

Boo yourself, you miserable half-bat,

half-human hooligan!

I need excitement,

passion.

I'm leaving,

Woody.

But what about the batting and

the flying and the swooping?

You're a vampire, Lois.

Then perhaps I need

to find a new boy

and make him

a vampire.

Someone like...

[whistling]

That guy.

But, Lois, I'm a--

forget it, Woody.

It's been a fun 2,000 years,

but it's over.

Good evening.

Hey, how'd you do that--

appear out of nowhere?

I'm Lois,

a mistress of the night.

And I'm Johnny Bravo,

a mister of the universe.

Hyah!

A popular girl like you is

going to need some wooing.

Wooing?

I haven't been wooed

in millennia.

Hope you don't mind, baby.

I ordered for you.

[gulp]

Mmm! Feel those carbs!

Yeah!

What delightfully

strong neck muscles.

May I, uh...

Kiss them?

Oh, yeah!

Oh!

[gasping]

Oh, garlic!

[gasping]

Nobody gets to play

kissy-face

with my eternal

damsel of the dark.

What the...

this must be some

of that antipasta.

Don't you--

this pasta's

a little tough, but...

I'm tougher.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Ooh!

Pooping out

so early, big guy?

Just taking

a breather, pumpkin.

[carnival music playing]

Hey, check it out.

Huh!

I'm tall and thin.

Hey, little mama,

where's your reflection?

Wow! Look at that mirror.

Hey, check it out.

I'm Tattoo.

Hey, check it out.

I'm a big, dumb, fat waiter.

Come on, mister.

Swing the hammer, win a prize.

Mister, you don't have enough prizes

in your carnival.

Grrr!

Hyah!

[ding]

Ha ha! We have

a big dumb baby, everybody!

Ooh, look at me!

My large barrel chest

can't even push a teensy little weight!

Ha ha ha!

Step back, Chester.

This could get ugly.

[ding]

Look at me!

I have big, flabby muscles

that have the strength

of a little boy!

Ha ha ha ha!

Mister, you are

getting on my very last nerve.

Hyah!

[ding]

Ooh, look at me!

I have gigantic shoulders

as wide as a Cadillac,

but I can't even lift

a pound and a half!

Ha ha ha ha!

I wanted a prize.

Hey, you got yourself a blue-ribbon

trophy walking around with you.

Oh, joy.

Can I try?

Pah! You?

Whee! Look at me,

everybody!

I'm a tiny little guy

with a big hammer,

and I'm going to--whoa!

Try to make

the bell ring!

[splash]

BOYS:

Ooh...

[whistling]

Here's your big,

stupid-looking foo-foo drinks.

Yeah, thanks, buddy.

Keep the change.

Excellent. A quarter.

I can now retire.

[slurp]

[slurp]

Hey, sweet cakes,

I'm over here.

Ahh!

Oh.

Hey! Yo! Hey!

Heapin' hunka-hunka

burnin' love, 12:00, baby.

Johnny, I want to

be honest with you.

I'm a vampire.

You're a vampire.

The only reason

I'm going out with you

is to make my vampire

boyfriend jealous.

Your boyfriend's

a vampire?

But I guess

it didn't work.

ANNOUNCER:

And now, the Spicy Marimba

is proud to present...

Woody!

SINGING OFF-KEY:

♪ Beautiful dreamer ♪

♪ Come back to me ♪

Ohh...

♪ Starlight and something

are waiting for thee ♪

Yaaahh!

Woof woof woof!

Yowsah! Ow!

Lois, I've been

an absolute putz.

Can I have you back?

Oh, Woody.

You are a real man.

You're vampires?

I guess this means

the date's over, huh?

Guess so,

but, hey, the best

vampire won, right?

Ugh!

Yeah, sure, but...

aren't you worried these people

are going to be freaked

by you being

a vampire and all?

Of course not.

Ha ha ha ha!

We're all vampires!

Uh, some of us

are werewolves.

I'm a gnome.

And now, it's time to conga.

Hit it.

[playing conga music]

♪ Buffalo gals, won't you

come out tonight, huh! ♪

♪ Come out tonight, huh!

Come out tonight? ♪

♪ Buffalo gals,

won't you come out tonight-- ♪

They're all vampires,

and that one's a werewolf,

and that one's a gnome.

♪ Buffalo gals, won't you

come out tonight, huh! ♪

♪ Come out tonight, huh!

Come out tonight? ♪

♪ And dance by the light

of the moon ♪

Nothing better than a man

watching his favorite videotape

in the privacy

of his own home.

Hyah! Showtime!

Show me the movie!

Hi there, Johnny.

Hi there, Johnny.

Want to see

some action?

Huh, do I!

This guy's my favorite actor.

I got to work

on my set design.

I won! I won!

I won! I won!

Hi, mama.

How was the concert?

It was so exciting!

I just love listening

to Berry Vanderbolten sing.

His voice is like butter,

a big stick of butter.

And guess what.

After the show,

they held a contest,

and guess who won.

- Uh, like--

- No. Me!

♪ Me me me

me me me ♪

♪ Me me me

me me me ♪

Aw, that's great, mama,

but what did you win?

Berry

Vanderbolten!

He's going to be

my butler!

That was

the contest.

Berry Vanderbolten

is my butler for the day!

Lola, what's the name of that contest

winner again?

Her name's

Bunny Bravo, Mr. Vanderbolten.

Bunny Bravo.

Hmm. There's

a song in there somewhere.

[beep]

♪ Oh, bunny,

you're so funny ♪

♪ You're like a hanky

when my nose is runny ♪

Did you get that, Lola?

It's on its way

to the record company now, sir.

♪

MAN, IMITATING CASEY KASEM:

And here's the new

number-one smash

from Berry Vanderbolten--

Bunny.

♪ Oh, Bunny,

you're so funny ♪

♪ You're like a hanky

when my nose is runny ♪

Another success,

Mr. Vanderbolten!

No one can write them

like you.

Thanks, Lola.

This shouldn't take too long.

Oh. How do

my teeth look?

[ding]

Berryrific!

Hi there.

I'm Berry Vanderbolten.

I...I...I...I...

You must be...Bunny.

Oh!

Rest, sweet one,

and dream of the stars.

Eh, happens

every time. Ha ha!

Who are you,

fella?

Me?

Why, I write the music

that sweeps your soul across

a rainbow-canopied cloud

of melodic jubilee.

Oh. You're that guy who's supposed to

be mama's butler, right?

Well,

technically, yes,

but as you can see, your mama's, well,

indisposed at the moment.

I'll just run along now and send her

an autograph later.

Oh!

You see this?

These are contest rules.

It says here that you're supposed to be

our butler until 6:00 pm.

Yes, but this is all

a publicity stunt,

you know,

to please the fans.

I'll do anything

to please my fans.

All right, then go and clean out the fan

in the bathroom, boy.

It's been clogged

for weeks.

Your goodies,

Mr. Bravo.

Thanks, Terry.

Berry.

Jerry, you're

a musical guy.

Maybe you could answer

a question for me.

I'll try.

Who put the razz

in the razzmatazz?

[grumbling]

Hey, get me some more

chicken wings!

How them dishes

coming, Larry?

[icily]

Just about finished.

Come on, say it.

Sir.

I knew you could

do it. Ha ha!

Aah!

All right,

that is coming out of your pay.

But I'm not

getting paid.

Not now

you're not.

[vacuum running]

[no audio]

Oh! Ow! Oh!

I was trying to

tell you to watch out for the stairs.

Gee, thanks.

Whatever. Now get your

musical butt up here

and clean out

the fish t*nk.

[cuckoo clock chiming]

Hey you know Harry, for a singer,

you ain't too shabby as a butler.

Thank you.

Come on. Say it.

My lord

and sovereign.

Ha ha! I knew

you could do it.

[beep]

Well, Johnny,

it's 6:00.

My work here

is done.

Aw, really? Dang.

Well, all right.

A deal's a deal.

Thanks

for dropping by.

If you don't mind,

there is just one

more teensy-weensy little task

I'd like to perform

before I go.

Aw, yeah! Are you

going to massage my feet again?

Ah...Something

like that.

Be right back.

Mr. Bravo, you are some kind of guy.

Look out!

♪ Hey, Johnny!

Are you thirsty? ♪

♪ Come to think of it,

yeah, I am ♪

Oh, that's good, because you're about

to have yourself

a nice tall glass

of extreme pain.

Hey, nice outfit.

I didn't know

you studied kick--aah!

Ooh! Oh!

Whoa!

Gosh, Johnny,

you broke all the dishes.

You better go

get some more.

Now, just a mo--ohhh!

Oh, gee,

you broke those, too.

Yeeahh!

[punching and yelling]

Adios, Johnny.

You might want to have a doctor look

at that dislocated shoulder.

Dislocated shoulder.

Hmm...

There's a song in there

somewhere. Lola!

Yes, Mr. Vanderbolten.

Fire up the recorder, and get me

another Shirley Temple--

Make it a double this time.

Right away, sir.

Good-bye, Bunny.

I'll always remember you.

Thanks for being

such a fan.

Mmm...

Ta-ta, Johnny!

Bye, Garry.

Uhh...

Must have

fallen asleep.

Is Berry Vanderbolten

here yet?

Uhh!

Johnny! I told you to

clean up this mess, boy!

Berry Vanderbolten

will be here any minute.

Oh, mama, I hope not.

Mr. Vulture,

how many licks does it take

to get to the

sugary center of a sugar sucker?

A good question.

Go ask Johnny Bravo.

Mr. Bravo,

how many licks does--

Hey, free lollipops!

Thanks, kid.

NARRATOR:

Washington, D.C.--

our nation's capital,

home of the president

of the United States

and a great place

to pick up chicks.

And this pen was used

by President Wilson

to sign the 19th amendment.

What's that?

The amendment

allowing women to vote.

Until then, not a woman here

could vote, no matter what age,

but the 19th amendment

struck down that restrictive rule.

Why'd they go

and do that?

I didn't think

chicks liked to vote.

ALL, YELLING:

Get him!

Uh-oh.

I'd like to

introduce you to the Boybot 2000.

[echoing]

Hello, Bonnie.

I'm tired of

dating robots.

I want to go out

with a real boy.

Now, sugar, you're the

President's daughter.

It's too dangerous for you

to go on a date date.

Besides, the

Boybot 2000 is the perfect gentleman.

Watch.

You look great

tonight.

I better get you

back by 8:00.

Actually, I'd like

a handshake good night.

Get out of my room!

Get out! Get out! Get out!

[crying]

Hello, ladies.

May I take your coats?

ALL:

Aah!

I better get out

of here before--

[Bonnie crying]

What the...

Hey, pretty mama.

Hyah!

If these pecs don't

cheer you up, nothing will.

Ooh!

Oh, no!

Not another robot boy!

Ow!

Ow!

Oh, my gosh!

A real boy?

Are you here to

take me on a date date?

No, I am not--

Yeah. What you said.

Date date.

I'm Bonnie.

I'm Johnny.

- Johnny.

- Bonnie.

Mmm--ow!

Are you sure

you're not a robot?

All right, I'm sure.

Let's go.

Agent Pim, I need you

to keep an extra-sharp eye on Bonnie.

I think she's trying to

go out on a date date.

Not to worry, sir.

Mall Rat One

is under guard 24 hours a day.

Agent Pim,

Mall Rat One has left the compound

with a boy!

ALL:

Uhh!

PRESIDENT, MUFFLED:

Look,

I don't want there to be a media circus.

Just follow her, make sure she's ok,

and get her back by 8:00.

Oh!

What can I get you two?

Couple of steaks,

medium dead. Hyah!

And I want them perfect,

like the guy who ordered them.

Uh, what are you doing?

I'm serving

the steaks.

Without checking

them for poison

or knives

or foreign objects?

Um...Here's your food.

They weren't happy

with their meat.

I can't work under

these conditions.

Hey.

I wonder who

that sad little scrap of paper is?

Oh, that's just a bill.

Yes, I'm just a bill

on Capitol Hill,

but I hope to be

a law someday.

Man:

All in favor of the bill pushed by

the fire extinguisher lobby

to make children's

toys flammable...

[silence]

All against?

MEN:

Nay!

Oh!

Tough luck, kid.

Oh!

Um, let's go see

some of the sights.

Doesn't that make

you proud to be an American?

Why? It's not

very colorful.

Oh.

Wow.

Abraham Lincoln.

Just think how different this country

would be without him.

No kidding.

When I was a kid,

I played with that Lincoln guy's

logs all the time.

Oh!

Please tell me

you know something

about the tomb

of the unknown soldier.

If they don't

know who he is,

why don't they just open up the tomb

and take a look?

Aah!

Pim! Shlomo!

Shlomo?

I don't want to go out

with real boys anymore.

I want to go out

with robots.

Hey, you're the guy

from the restaurant.

Hyah!

I'll have you know I'm

trained in 15 forms of karate,





Yeah? Well, Secret Service agents are

trained in 16 forms of karate,



of reggae impressionism.

Yeah, well--

Secret Service?

Hyah!

[punching and slapping]

Ow! Ow! Ow!

PRESIDENT:

You're very lucky

you found such

a stupid boy, Bonnie.

You could have been

kidnapped or worse.

I know, daddy,

and I'm sorry.

I learned my lesson.

It's robots for me until I'm old enough

for social security.

BOYBOT:

That's ok, honey.

I'll make enough

money for the both of us,

and I love you and

your whole family.

PRESIDENT:

By the way, what did you do with

that Bravo pinhead?

Everything's under control.

BOYBOT:

Wow! It sure is dark in here.

Good thing we have

such a great pal to hang out with.

Yeah, whatever.

Ha ha ha ha!