04x02 - How to Train a Dog

Episode transcripts for TV show, "Evil". Aired: September 2019 to present.*
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Skeptical Kristen teams up with David, a priest in training as they investigate the church's backlog of unexplained mysteries.
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04x02 - How to Train a Dog

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KRISTEN: Yeah, just... careful.


KRISTEN: So this is it?

BEN: According to the map.

Well, that's not much of a church.

DAVID: Hmm. It's only
a dozen or so people.

Where are we looking?

Here. The graveyard.

What time?

Between 10:00 and 2:00.

Of course.

So, what are we doing?
We, uh, taking turns, or... ?

- I'm not tired. I can do it.
- All right.

Well, if you're doing it,
I'm doing it, too.

Well, you do it then.
I don't need to do it.

[LAUGHING]: f*ck you.

Hey, hey, shh, guys, maybe
we should keep it down.

- Why?

Well, supposedly, it won't show
up if you make too much noise.

- Huh.
- Well, that's not very scary.

A werewolf who doesn't like noise?

Who said it was a werewolf?

The parish priest.

A few of the congregants.

- And they saw it?
- Well, they saw something.

No one's showing up
to nighttime mass anymore.

They're too afraid.

Does it seem like these
assignments are getting weirder?

I can't even tell anymore.

I think it's Father Ignatius.

He thinks all this stuff is stupid,

so he's just sending us
out on everything:

werewolf hunts and vampire hunts.


Here's to catching a werewolf.

Here's to getting home by 2:00.

- KRISTEN: All right, David.
- BEN: All right.

Go ahead.

DAVID: 30 seconds?

KRISTEN: Yep. A 30-second ghost story.

And... go.

It was late at night,
I walk into the church.

No one's there. It's dark.

I hear a sound coming from the altar.

Yeah, good start, good start.

I cross to it. I try to turn
the flashlight on my phone,

but it doesn't work.

Then I see it, from behind the altar.

A crouching man on all fours,
like a spider.

- On all eights.
- Shh.

He raises his head, but it takes
me a second to see his face.

But then I see it.

And I realize...


- Ben!

- Fail.

- Fail.
- Ben as a spider?

I think that's pretty terrifying.

Yeah, you didn't even do
the jump scare right. Ben!

Hey, well, great. Now you both
scared away all the werewolves.

Okay. I will be right back.

Don't talk about me while I'm gone.

- DAVID: Oh, we will.

KRISTEN: Hey, do you
think Ben's losing it?

Yes, definitely.



can I ask you a question?

Sure, you can.

Not only can ask you me,

but you never have to ask me
if you can ask me.

Leland stealing your egg,

that was a joke, right?


Then... Kristen...

Look, Leland's a big talker,

and he's trying to scare people

with his satanic shit.

Well, is someone having
a baby in 38 days?

No. 30 days now.

A surrogate from his workplace.

You saw her?


And you're not worried, or... ?


I don't know, I've given up
on being horrified.

The world is a crazy place,

and there are people trying
to make it even crazier

so they can control us.


No, you just...

you're just different now.

Yeah, right?

More relaxed.

Not as serious.

[QUIETLY]: I'm an assassin.

- An assassin of what?

People who cause static.

Well, then your job is cut out for you.

- Shh.


No, don't... David. David. David.

David, wait.

Oh, f*ck.


What the hell?

[WHISPERING]: Come on.




- David, watch out!
- KRISTEN: Oh, my God!


BEN: David!



A robot?

Yeah, they're mostly just
used as cheap alternatives

for security guards,
for perimeter surveillance.

Perimeter surveillance of the church?

No, we-we talked to Father Hardy.

They don't have these.

They don't know where it came from.

But it-it's attacking the congregants?

Yeah, that's what's weird.

Really? That's what's weird?

Well, they're not designed
as weapons, Father.

They're just surveillance cameras.

I think this one just malfunctioned.

Not just that one.

Oh, excuse me, Sister.

We'll be out of your way in a minute.

One of those att*cked
Sister Agnes last week.

IGNATIUS: What? One of these?

- ANDREA: Mm-hmm.
- Where was this?

ANDREA: Outside the church,
right before vespers.

KRISTEN: Is she all right?

ANDREA: She was terrified.

We got in the church,
and that creature there

just rammed the doors.

Or one like it.

Oh, so it's not just this one robot.

Okay, all right, this-this
makes no sense.

Are you saying it specifically
went after her?

ANDREA: Yes. There were
other congregants out there,

it didn't bother them.

Sister, is Agnes the missionary
nun from Senegal?

ANDREA: Yes. Why?


That's right.

It didn't go after us.

It only went after David.

- Ben?
- I...

I don't know.

I mean, there is a history
of dogs being trained

to attack Black people.

Can it be done with technology?

I don't know. Maybe.

Okay. You answered
the werewolf question. Good job.

Now answer the next one

Why are robots attacking us?

That's a question
I never thought I'd ask.

[GASPS] Benny, the boy genius.

Okay, Katie, come on,
what did I tell you

about calling me that in front of... ?

I know, but you're just so adorable.

KATIE: Wow...

Oh, sorry, you're the priest
and the shrink, right?

Yeah. Uh, David.

Good to see you again.
And this is, uh...

Kristen. Thanks for coming
all the way out here.

No sweat.

It's like hanging with
a really weird Avengers team.

So, uh, you left VidTap, huh?

Define "left". They fired half of us,

and a lot of us were
snapped up by Amsterdam.


It's this new start-up.

Amsterdam, uh, pro or plus,
or something.

Ah. And who was att*cked by our RoboDog?

Oh, yeah, that'd be me.

Okay, and when you say "att*cked",

was it trying to move past you
and bumped you, or... ?

No, it-it charged me.

Well, I mean, us.

Were you provoking it?

No. It att*cked him.
It charged right at him.

Kate, I need you to take this seriously.

Your software att*cked him and a nun,

possibly because they're Black.

Well, look, the software
will never allow

an aggressive action.

It's meant defensively, that's all.

Yeah, but what about algorithm bias?

This software doesn't make
that kind of judgement.

It just observes and records.

It doesn't suddenly say "attack".

KRISTEN: Wait, but
didn't you just say...

- Hold on, hold on.

The software is a closed system.

You can't program it to do
what it wasn't meant to do.


- Unless...
- Someone jailbreaks it.

- Right.
- KRISTEN: What's that?

Tampers with the software.

Illegally reprograms it.

Look, we're in beta testing mode,

and if someone is
jailbreaking our software,

we need to know.

So, I'll have one of our new models

brought out to you in demo mode,

and you can compare it
to your attacking model. Okay?

- Do you know how to turn it on?
- Let's see.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

- David.
- Oh, yeah.

You want to step out?


Are you kidding me?

I mean...

All right, wait.

- Okay, well.
- Ready.




Does it see you?


Stepping in front of it now.


Huh. I guess that means it's friendly.

Does it have an attack button

or a surveillance button or anything?


Oh, wait, there's something here for...

defensive stance.


You ready?


- Whoa. - Whoa, whoa.



So now what?

Katie might've been right.

The owner of this one, the-the bad dog,

might've just jailbroken the software.

To get it go after Black people.

Maybe. I don't know.

Can you check?

Yeah, I'll have to bring over
my equipment.

Oh, can we do it here?

Why, what's wrong with your apartment?

I just... I'm running
some tests over there.

KRISTEN: What kind of tests?

Just tests.

Okay, Mr. Mysterious.

I have a life of my own.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

Since when?


none of your... beeswax.

- Okay, fine.
- Fine.


- Turn it off.
- Yeah. Done.





VICTOR: You're late.

What the f*ck?

You shouldn't swear.

You shouldn't hide in my room.

Why are you late?

I'm working.

So am I.

Sit down.

What do you want?
I thought we were done.

Do you have mosquitos?

Not anymore.

The Vatican needs
your help again, David.

They were very pleased
with your work saving Grace.


H-How is she?

Not well. And she needs your help.

Why? What happened?

She's become depressed
since the monsignor's m*rder.

This is an address I need
you to go to tomorrow.

- Why?
- We need you to be there at 10:50 a.m.

Will Grace be there?

Wear only cotton clothes.

Nothing with the color red,
no distracting designs.

Running shoes, not formal shoes.

Go to the door marked with
a Halloween pumpkin on it.

Do you just make up these odd requests?

Much of this may seem strange
to you, but you must understand:


You are needed now more than ever.

♪ ♪


Let's see where you are, buddy.




Focus straight ahead,

not your peripheral.

Come on.

Come on, come on, come on.

O... kay.

There you are.

I see more of you
in black than in white.

Now, good, good, good,
good, good, good, good.


a trick of the eye, Ben.


Then if I'm a trick of the eye,

how do you explain
the voice in your head?

BEN: Hmm.

I see more of you in yellow than in red.

DEEP VOICE: Face it, Ben.

You can't science your way out of this.

Is that really
the way a jinn would talk?

DEEP VOICE: We can talk however we want.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

You have my voice.

You are my thoughts.

Talking to myself.


Nothing to say to that,
oh powerful jinn?












Hey, boy, where'd you come from?


Are you cold?


Come on, let's get you dried off.



♪ ♪









♪ ♪

- ♪

- LELAND: Happy families.

Warm communities.

Kids playing soccer.

It's enough to make you sick.

For the longest time,
our numbers remained

stubbornly stagnant
at 20% of the population.

But six years ago, I initiated
the "March Forward" program,

and our numbers climbed to 30%.

in our Father's house,

heading for damnation and consumption.

But now... the bad news.

Our numbers this quarter,

as you can see, we were
down 3% in January,

another 8% in February.

Do we know why?

LELAND: We do not.

We're analyzing the data in
our disinformation department,

- sir, and I'm quite...
- Shh.

THE MANAGER: What was that?

Nothing. A woman in my department.

THE MANAGER: Do you have a solution?

LELAND: We have more
than that. We have a leader.

Eight months ago, we identified an egg

that was perfect for fertilization.

We knew that we had to move fast

due to the terms of the prophecy.

And we identified a woman here,

within our walls, an assistant.

My assistant, sir. It's... mine.

She is now eight months pregnant,

and her arrival date is
the exact date in the prophecy.

Where's the mother?

LELAND: Still working here. In my...

No, the biological mother?

We're working on that.

You don't have her?

Uh, it's... It's my daughter, sir.

I have some sway with her.

All right. Keep us in touch.

Okay, thank you so much.

LELAND: What are you talking
about? You don't have any sway.

What do you mean calling me
"a woman in your department"?

- Well, you are.
- f*ck you, Leland.

You want my help
bringing Kristen on board,

then you need to stop
with this glass ceiling crap.

The board doesn't like
hearing from women.

It makes us seem weak.

[LAUGHING]: Oh, my God, are you serious?

What are we, in the Middle Ages?

Yes, we are.

Then you have a problem,
because I'm not.

Okay, you want to prove
yourself to the board?

I have proven myself.

No, really prove yourself?

This depo is f*cking bullshit.

You're bullshit.

LAWYER: I just have one question, sir...

Well, then learn how
to become a lawyer then,

you can ask your f*cking question!

What the hell is that?

Greg R. Bruni.
A political op. One of ours.

Is he supposed to do that?

No. The demon inside him
is starting to peek through.

BRUNI: Have you ever seen
a man turned inside-out?

I'd dance on his f*cking
entrails if I could.

So, what do you do?

Not what I do. What you do.

Bring him back into line.

The board doesn't think
a woman is tough enough.

Prove them wrong.

Uh, how?

It's up to you. Here's his address.

♪ ♪

It was nice knowing you.





ANDY: Yeah?

Oh, my gosh.


What are you doing?

Nothing. I just had a nightmare,
about being trapped.

Have you been under there all night?

No, no, no, just since 4:00.

Okay, we're going to go
to the doctor today.

Okay? I-I think you need another MRI.


- LAURA: No, stop. I told you...
- LYNN: It's not working.

We might be locked out of it. Okay...

Whoa, whoa.

- How did that get in here?
- What is that?

- It's like a Transformer.
- I named him Puppy.

LYNN: Isn't that cool?

KRISTEN: Did you girls give it a tail?

LAURA: Yeah, it adds character.

Where did this come from?

I brought it home.

What? Who are... ? Are you Jane Jetson?

It was locked out back and turned off.

Did you girls turn it on?

No, it was at the back door scratching.

Please, can we keep it,
Mom? Please, please.

No, it's a loan, it's not even ours.

- LYNN: You can keep it.
- Puppy, come here.

- ANDY: Are you controlling this?
- LYNN: Yeah.

It's like the Wi-Fi connects to it

- and we paired to it.
- LAURA: It's so cute.

We made it bark like Ariana Grande.


- Come on.
- Make it do something.

- Yeah.
- No, wait, let me do it.

- No, stop, let me do it.

I-I don't like this thing.

- It's erratic. It does things...
- Careful with it. Not you two...

- No, let me do it.
- I started doing it.

LEXIS: Okay, but I'm already doing it.

- Not you two. Shh. Only Lynn.
- I don't like it.

You do.

- ANDY: Oh.
- LYNN: See, look at that.


- LEXIS: It's so cute.

ANDY: Oh. Oh. Oh, oh, oh.

- LYNN: Oh, he's a cutie.
- ANDY: Look at this.

- It's amazing. Look. Look, look.
- LAURA: It's coming to you.

LYNN: Oh, here he comes.

- It likes you.
- ANDY: Yes.

- That's amazing.

LYNN: Give lovies.

- LAURA: It likes you.

- [LAUGHING] That is amazing.
- Yeah, very cute.

Well, we have to keep it
now 'cause it likes you.

- All right, no pets.
- It's a robot.

Does it even look like a dog to you?

- ANDY: Come on.

No, I don't care. It's not a pet.

I want it out of here.

What? I thought Ben shut it off.

I thought so, too. Ben?

BEN: No, it was definitely
shut down before I left.

Did the girls turn it on?

KRISTEN: No, they said it just

came to the back door and scratched.

Okay, let me take a look at it.

By the way, I, uh...

I checked out the properties
near the church

to see if anybody might have a RoboDog.


They all could.

There's five pot-growing properties

within a thousand yards.

Got it. Starting to make sense.

BEN: Okay, I'm coming over now
to backtrace the GPS.

Uh, yeah, I got a doctor's
appointment, though.

DAVID: Yeah, I got an appointment, too.

- Well, see you, guys.
- Okay.

- I'll check it out.
- Talk to you later. Bye.

- Okay.

Crazy-ass dog, you are going
to listen to Mommy.

- Go... to... sleep.






- Mr. LeConte...
- This way.

Go ahead.


What-What are we doing here?

This is T.J.

I was born in Ardmore, Pennsylvania,

just outside Philadelphia.

My parents' names are
Caleb and Jessamyn.

I have two older brothers:
Arthur and Zack.

My first sexual experience
was during a summer vacation.

In a boat.

A Mark Twain riverboat ride
on the Mississippi.

I was 15.

My elementary school was
John Adams Prep. Private.

Am I supposed to say something?



MAN: This way.

MAN: Focus on the card.

Don't move your wrist when you draw.

Just your elbow and your shoulder.

What are we drawing?

You have everything you need to know.

♪ ♪

Something wrong?

Andy, there's some areas of interest

in your bloodwork.

I'd like to share these with your wife.

If that's all right.

Okay, that's fine, but what is it?

It's just best if the spouse is here.

In case there's any questions.


Kristen, would you join us?

Everything all right?

Oh, in regards to the accident,

Andy's showing no signs of a TBI.

No lung or soft tissue
damage of any kind.

Also, no skin damage

to prolonged exposure to ice and snow.

All right. Well, that's
good news, right?

However, there are some signs that...

Sorry, why are you suddenly
talking like I'm not here?

The ALT and AST levels in
your liver are extremely high.

Meaning what, exactly?

Well, I also noticed injection
marks between Andy's toes.

Consistent with needle injections.

I'm not sh**ting dr*gs between my toes.

And signifiers for a collapsed vein.


Within the last two days.


would've had to have been
in the last two days?

- DOCTOR: Yes.
- No, no.

T-This is insane.

Which foot?

Both, between the hallux
and the second toe.


Would you mind just giving us a moment?

- Of course, of course.
- Thank you, Doctor. Thank you.

Appreciate it.


Just let me look.

- I didn't do anything...
- You know...

We tried a lot of things.

On our climbs, before the girls.

Oh, yeah, we did, then.

But come on, never an IV.

You know I hate injections.

Could this have happened
in the hospital in Tibet?

No, I was never under.

I think you need to talk to Tragoren.

Ask him if something happened.


I, uh, I-I...

I want a drug test.

What are you doing now?


What about now?


- Now?
- Working.

Just tell her or she'll keep on asking.

Ben, look.




How'd you do that?

I just used its "sit up" control

and then mixed it with "fetch".

Did you guys teach it to turn doorknobs?


All right, all right.

Okay. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

- Sit down.

No, I need to work.

Okay, sit down and play over there!


MAN [OVER SPEAKER]: Who are you?


Who are you?

HARLEY: Harley Elfman
and this is my security dog.

- Well, your security dog att*cked us.
- Bullshit.

- Hey, that's a bad word.
- Laura, shh.

He only att*cks trespassers
on my property.

We weren't on your property.

And it seems that your dog
primarily att*cks Black people.

Where'd it learn that?

I have no idea what
you're talking about.

I'm not the one who did this.

You're the one who jailbroke
your operating system, Harley.

And you are subject to criminal fines.


Who are you?

Here's what you're gonna do, Harley.

I want to know...

what you changed in the operating system

and then you can have your dog back.

I'll consider it.

Well, you better consider it pretty fast

'cause in about 24 hours
I'm gonna take this piece of

... crap

and dump it in the closest landfill.

I could just follow the GPS.

Yeah, you could.
If I hadn't already disabled it.

Ben the Magnificent.

- Just look at you.
- Whoa.

... boring, but today you were mean

and that is a great change of pace.

I am proud of you.







How does this work? How does
this work? How's it work?


Holy shit.












LYNN: Mom.

Oh, my God, what are you doing?

Coming home. What are you doing?

Waiting for you.



Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.


It's all right, baby.


It's okay. It's okay.



You can no longer sneak out.

I'm done with it, I'm serious.

It's late. Can I be in trouble tomorrow?

Don't talk to me like that.

How do you get to Ren's house
anyway? Do you walk?

I take an Uber.

- Oh, crap.

- S-Show me, please,
- Oh, my God, Mom.

how do I shut this thing down?

The off button.



- Just that button?
- Yes.

Just the on/off button. All right.


I'm inviting Ren for dinner next week.

- No, Mom.
- Yes.

- Please don't do that.
- I am.

I'm done with the sneaking around, okay?

Now, go to sleep.

♪ ♪

Why aren't you objecting?

This assh*le thinks

that he can say everything he wants,

- and you just grin and bear it.

Let the record reflect that Mr. Bruni

just att*cked his lawyer
with Tort Reform 3rd Volume.

Let the record reflect

that Mr. Browning is a sack of shit.

Uh, why don't we, uh...

Why don't we take a break here?

Who the f*ck are you?

SHERYL: Sheryl Luria from DF.

- We don't have time...
- No, wait.

Let's take the minute.

Why is DF sending you?

[WHISPERING]: To warn you to rein it in.

The demon is coming out.

- Really?
- Uh, yeah.

Well, lady, that's the
whole point of my demon.

You come for me, you'd
better come with more

than a law book and a camera,

because I will put you in the ground.

Mm. You don't want me to take
that back to the Manager.

What do you know of the Manager?

I know that if he hears
my report about you,

he will be disappointed.

Ah, well, here's the problem for you.

- What was your name, again?
- Sheryl Luria.

Here's the problem for you, Sheryl.

If the Manager really meant it...

he would've sent a man.

The fact that he sent you,

and your sexy little outfit here,

means this is not even a warning flare.

This is a polite how-do-you-do.

So why don't you head
on back to the Manager

and tell him to put up or shut up.

Because I don't work
for the demon world.

They work for me.


f*cking stupid ghoul.




[ECHOING]: Hello?

VICTOR: David.

Thank you for meeting me here.

What was that about, yesterday?

- A test.
- Of?

You must be so frustrated
with me, David.

You ask so many questions
and I answer so few.

I think that's your job.

And now my time with you
has come to an end.

You don't need me anymore?

No, you are needed more than ever.

In fact, in a way, you've graduated.


This is Father Dominic Kabiru.

He will take over from here.

Hello, David.


Take over for what?

Please sit.

Victor has been kind enough

to keep me informed of your progress.

Really? He hasn't kept me
informed of anything.

We're friends of the Vatican.
We enjoy our secrets.

May I show you a videotape?

Yes. You may show me.


Nearing the middle of the bridge now.

DOMINIC: Do you recognize
that gentleman?

Yes, he was from yesterday.

Have you ever seen these videos?

- No.
- How could you have?

They were shot at the same
time as your session.

T.J.: There it is.

Focusing on it now.

And looking to my left.

I will pause it there.

T.J.: Now I'm looking to my right.

Again, you have never seen these videos?

DAVID: What is this about?

DOMINIC: You drew
two pictures yesterday.

Are we still friends of the Vatican?


I want to hear from Mr. LeConte.


David, the CIA has explored
remote viewing.

They have tested it.
They continue to test it.

I, myself, do not believe in it.

That's why I'm leaving.


... you had no way of knowing
what was being viewed

you drew those pictures

with 75% accuracy.

Are we the CIA now?


In our Father's house,
there are many rooms.

Mr. LeConte devotes himself to one room.

I devote myself to another.

It's true the CIA
explores remote viewing.

So does the Chinese Ministry of State,

MI6, Mossad, Russia's FSS.

We have the advantage.

Which is?



I have to go.

Our goal is to develop
your talents, David.

I have friends who need me.

So I'm going to go do that now.

We didn't approach you by accident.

We were told to test you by Grace Ling.

She speaks of you often.

Your uniqueness.

VICTOR: He's your problem now.

DOMINIC: In the next few weeks,

we'll need him even more than ever.

♪ ♪

What's going on with you two?


Feels like you're both hiding something.

I mean, my life's an open book, but...

you two are shutting down.

No, it's just... It's just
the Church, you know?

There's always something.

Yeah, me, I'm just trying to figure out

how to handle this guy.

The pot-growing r*cist?

Do you think he's dangerous?

Oh, no. No, no, no. I just think
he wants his dog back.

Oh, here he is.

BEN: Okay, give him a chance
to explain himself, okay?





You're the owner of the RoboDog?

Look, I don't know what it did,
but it's not my fault.

You didn't program it
to attack Black people?

No. Why would I do that?
Where's the dog?

We had to fight it off.

You jailbroke it, right?

Yeah, but only because I wanted
to extend the battery life.

KRISTEN: How'd you do that?

A Reddit thread. They
had software links.

Where's my dog?

What are the links?

What's this?

Oh, nothing. Just a color test.

For what?

Science. Just an experiment.

What are these?

These percentages?

Nothing. Just about some
colors that I perceive.

This is not about what happened

with the particle accelerator, is it?

Nope. Why?

Um, we're just a little concerned.

Don't be. I'm fine.

Oh, here.

Firmware OS.

Basic surveillance. Nothing.

Just extends the range of the dog.

So, why attack Sister Agnes, myself?

Or the churchgoers at the graveyard?

Can the dog be programmed
to be anti-Catholic?



- No.

There's no way to distinguish...

I-I mean, there's no...
There's nothing visual...


What's on your phone? What apps?


The malware can't tell
what religion you are,

but it could attack based
on your phone apps,

the GPS ones.

Hmm. Local mass times.

BEN: Mm, that's GPS-based.

- Yep.
- Okay.

We need to find out if the Sister

had the same app on her phone.

Yeah. And those parishioners
out in the country.


Um... guys.






LYNN: Dad, your phone is ringing.

Do you want us to come in and answer it?

- We need to get in there.
- The door's locked.

- It's not stopping
- ANDY: No, it's okay.

Uh, I'll be out in a minute.


How long has he been in there?

- An hour?
- No, ten minutes.

I don't think he sounds good.

You think we're driving him crazy?

No, he likes us.

Let's try Mom's door.

No. Laura. Wait.


- LYNN: Laura, don't do that.
- Dad, are you... ?

[GASPS] Hey.


- Are you all right?
- ANDY: Hey, hey. Yeah.

- Sorry, I just...
- What's wrong?

I don't know, it's just cool in here.

[QUIVERING]: I-I feel hot.

Dad, are you all right?

Yeah. No, please don't...
Don't cry, don't cry.

I'm... just needing a minute.


Please don't answer that! Don't answer!

- Bouchard residence.
- [OVER PHONE]: ♪ Feliz Navidad ♪

♪ Feliz Navidad ♪

Give me that please.

- ♪ Feliz Navidad ♪
- Who is this?

♪ Prospero Ano y Felicidad ♪

LYNN: Whoever this is, don't call back.

- ♪ Feliz Navidad... ♪

- Hey.

Dad. Don't be upset.

We love you.

Don't... I just don't know what's wrong.

We're too loud. We're sorry.

No, no, it's not that. It's never that.

Well, why don't we sing?

Come on, let's do the one that
you always used to sing for us.


♪ No is no ♪

♪ No is always no ♪

♪ If you say no, it means
a thousand times no ♪

♪ Finger pointing, eyebrows low ♪

♪ Mouth in the shape of the letter O. ♪




Oh, come on.


Kristen, is everything all right?

Um, yeah, hey, I thought
you took the RoboDog.

BEN: I did.

Okay, well, it's come back.

W-What's come back?

The dog. Puppy. It's, um...

in my daughters' room, as we speak.

No, it can't be.

- It is.
- No.

It isn't. I'm staring right at it now.





- Get up. Lynn.












f*ck you. That's not a proper question.

Let your lawyer...

LAWYER: It is just going to take longer

if you keep hurling insults.

You call these insults?

Mr. Bruni?

Well, look who's here.

Let's take a break.

I can't wait to see what she's got.

Who put you up to this, lady?

You need to calm the f*ck down, sir.

No, you need to go back to your masters

and tell them to treat me
with some f*cking respect.

You don't send a little bitch like you

up against a titan like me.


You bitch!

You f*cking bitch!

Stop whining. Ugh.


Here. Have a bagel.


My finger! My finger!

No, no, no, no. That's not yours.



A small token from Mr. Bruni.


Well done, my girl. Well done.

It's why I'm here, sir.

Well, take a bow.



Will you promote her?

No. She's a woman.

Give her something.


Move her up to the executive floor,

put her in the corner office.




Thank you.


Thank you.



[QUIETLY]: The f*ck.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.





I'm coming for you, assholes.

This is the new one you sent after us.

I didn't send anything after you.

My second RoboDog just happened to be

- in your neighborhood...
- Bullshit.

Your RoboDog went after my daughter.

No, my dog was protecting my interests

and you destroyed it.

After you tweaked the software

to make it go after Catholic apps.

Oh, my God.

I'm everything bad in the world.

Good thing I didn't f*ck any altar boys.

Now f*ck off!

Stop destroying my dogs.

No. You stop destroying my dogs.

Nice view of the city, Benny.

- Thank you.
- Who are you?


We built your dog's software.

You are in breach of our closed
system licensing agreement

and are subject to a $150,000 fine.

You're nuts.

Nope, you admitted as much.

We don't like people
tinkering with our software,

so you'll be hearing from our lawyers.

Go to hell.

Nice job, Ms. Schweiger.

Thank you. Anything for you, Benny.

Come on, can we just stop
with the "Benny"?

- KATIE: What?

Nothing. Uh...


Are you okay?

Yeah, yeah, I'm...

I'm just tired, so...




Hello, I...

Ben, right?


That's right.

What can I do for you, Ben?

I don't know.
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