08x17 - Our House

[bunniefuu]

[bird crowing]

[cat meowing, mouse squeaking]

[elephant trumpeting,
lion roaring]

♪ Go! ♪

[opening theme playing]

♪ T-E-E-N ♪

♪ T-I-T-A-N-S ♪

♪ Teen Titans, let's go! ♪

♪ Teen Titans, go! ♪

Ahh, I am beginning
to lose my patience.

- What else is new?
- Nothing. Nothing is new.

That's the problem.

The crime alert hasn't gone
off for an entire week.

And it has been
the glorious week, indeed.

Filled with the doing
of the sweet, sweet nothing.

Yeah. Can't you learn to relax?

No! I have an itch
for fighting crime,

that runs so deep,
it can never be scratched.

[grunting, scratching]

Ugh. You might wanna
get that checked out, dude.

- [alarm blaring]
- Whoo-hoo!

- A crime!
- [beeps]

It's Dr. Light.

Whatever evil scheme
he has in store for us,

I hope it's extra sinister.

Titans, go!

[dramatic music playing]

[groans]

Wait a minute.
That's his evil scheme?

[chuckling]

[grunts, groans]

It is not exactly the sinister,
but it is definitely
the irritating.

And it's light themed,
so at least he's on brand.

This is unacceptable.

Suffer my glint.
[laughing maniacally]

- [shattering]
- Are you kidding me?

You call this an evil scheme?

- Oh, hello, Titans.
- [all] Hey, Arthur.

You're supposed to be
an evil mastermind.

But clearly, you were
just phoning it in.

Well, I'm sorry if my scheme
isn't up to your standards.

And I'm sorry
for wasting my time
on an unworthy opponent.

You, sir, do not
scratch my crime itch.

Our relationship is over.

Wait. Are you firing me?

Oh, come on.
You can't do that, Robin.

We've been battling Arthur
since the '80s.

Remember that outfit?
Whoo, doggy!

Plus, he's a good dude.

[Raven] He helps us
hang our Christmas lights
every year.

[Starfire]
And he obtained for us

the very good deal
on the solar panels.

Dr. Light's supposed to be
our nemesis, not our friend.

I would fire him right now,

but the superhero union
requires that we give him...

[in mocking voice]
...three warnings first.

[in normal voice]
Starting with this one.

But this is the only job
I've ever had.

I don't know what I would do
if I got fired.

I guess you'd just
have to find another
superhero team to battle.

He'll never find
another superhero team.

Yeah, not in this market.

We can't let Arthur
get fired, yo.

Then we must help him to become
the better supervillain.

- [clicks]
- [dramatic music playing]

[smacks]

Sorry, Dr. Light,
but your future
is looking dark.

[electrical buzzing]

- I'll do better. You'll see!
- [metal clangs]

- [music stops abruptly]
- [thuds]

[flushing]

[alarm blaring]

- It's Dr. Light!
- And he's at City Hall.

I bet he's planning
something super evil.

[groans] I hope so.

Titans, go!

There he is.

Let's get him, Titans.

[dramatic music playing]

- Stop right there.
- Greetings, Titans.

Whatever you're up to
better be worth our time,
Dr. Light.

Oh, I assure you
that it is, Robin.

[microphone feedback]

I've even prepared
an evil monologue
to go along with it.

Ooh! I love evil monologues.

- [clicks]
- [beeps]

Okay, I'm ready.

[clears throat]

Fear has a new name,
and photons have no mass.

The soil beneath your feet
is moist.

Yes, it's already too late.

[spits] Huh? What are you
even talking about?

This monologue is so confusing.

Um... [chuckles nervously]
Hold on, hold on.
There's more here.

[mumbles] Moist photons.

He's choking.
We have to help him.

Um... Oh, here we go.

Now, don't try
to get on my good side.

I no longer have one,
but I am not crazy.

I've just been
in a very bad mood
for 40 years.

And my personal tragedy
will not interfere

with my ability to do good...

- hair.
- [sizzling]

Wait. Are you quoting lines
from Steel Magnolias?

No, I'm not.

I knew it!

You can't just quote
lines from a movie.

Why not? Steel Magnolias
is one of the greatest movies
of all time.

Well, we all know that,
Cyborg, but a supervillain
has to be able

to give a good monologue
on their own.

I'm sorry, Dr. Light, but this
is your second warning.

Well, there won't be a third.

Comeback tonight,
precisely at 8:36 p.m.,

and I promise to reveal
my most evil plan.

[sighs] Fine. 8:36 p.m. it is.

That'll give us some time
to grab some grub, yo.

Arthur is so thoughtful.

You'd better be ready
when we come back.

Don't worry, Robin.
You can count on me.

[clock beeps]

[sighs] Where is he?

Dr. Light was supposed
to meet us here at 8:36.

He's probably just running
a few minutes late.

It's 9:45.

Maybe he's making us wait
as part of his evil scheme.

Ooh, the yes!

He is torturing us with
the ill-mannered tardiness.

Oh, no, we can't let him win!

We gots to keep waiting.

- Ow, ow, ow, ow!
- [thudding]

We've waited long enough!
I'm going home.

[soft music playing]

[snoring]

Crack an egg on it.

[snoring]

Ah, huge, huge hands.

Robin. Psst, Robin.

- Wake up, Robin.
- [snores]

- Wake up!
- What? Who? Ha! Dr. Light!

How did you get in my room?

We let him in.

Are you ready to hear
my evil plan now?

No. You were supposed
to do that hours ago.
Where have you been?

Well, I had some stuff come up.

My car needed an oil change.

Then I had to help a neighbor
get a lizard out of his house.

[chuckles] It's always
something. Am I right?

No, it's poor time management.

I'm starting to think
you're not even capable
of being evil.

Oh, I can be evil!

[clicking]

- That is so evil.
- Whoa, absolutely villainous.

That's not evil.
It's just annoying.

This is your third
and final strike, Dr. Light.

- [Starfire] But wait!
- You can't fire Arthur

before he reveals
his big scheme.

He's been working so hard.

He's been planning it
for months.

It's extra evil, too!

He's got henchmen
and everything.

Henchmen? All the biggest
names in crime have henchmen.

All right, I'll give you
one more chance.

[all cheering]

But this big scheme of yours
better be good.

Oh, it's better than good.

It's diabolical.

Fine. Now get outta here
so I can get some rest.

[groans] You left the light on!

[alarm blaring]

Oh, please.
Anyone but Dr. Light.

[laughs maniacally]

Oh, you. What's so funny?

The mighty Robin
has finally been outwitted

by the brilliant mind
of Dr. Light.

- [laughs wickedly]
- What are you talking about?

While you were sleeping,
I took your teammates c*ptive.

And news flash.

They're not coming home.
[laughs maniacally]

[gasps] You've gone too far,
Dr. Light. I'm impressed.

Now, tell me
what you're planning.

I am going to
lower your teammates
into this vat

of light mayonnaise!

[laughing maniacally]

You won't get away with this.
Titan, go!

- And... The cut!
- How did I do?

Was I evil enough?

Oh, yeah!
You were awful, Arthur!

And I mean that in a good way.

Okay. Places, everyone.
Robin will be here any minute.

[tires screech]

You're going down, Dr. Light.

Well, well, well.
If it isn't the Boy Wonder.

Just in time to bid his friends
a flavorful farewell.

- Hold on!
- Sorry,

but I never hold the mayo.

- [laughs maliciously]
- [clicks]

- [snaps]
- [thuds]

- [bubbling]
- No!

Titans, I will avenge you!

Henchmen, attack!

Ahh!

- This one's for Beast Boy!
- Ahh!

- And here's one for Raven!
- [smashes]

- For Cyborg!
- Ow!

And this one is
for sweet, sweet,

- innocent, sweet, Starfire!
- [thuds]

Dr. Light!
A little of the help, please.

Hey, you can't just leave us.

We're your henchmen!

Well, you're my
disposable henchman.

And, and, things are getting
a little too intense for me.

You are
a terrible supervillain.

Robin was right.
You do need to be fired.

Wait a second.

Raven? Beast Boy? Cyborg, Star!

The jig is the up.

So you didn't even come up
with this plan yourself.

- They did.
- Yes.

But I promise, that next time,

I will do it, partly,
if not mostly, on my own.

Oh, there won't be a next time.
You're fired!

- [thuds]
- [saxophone music playing]

[saxophone music continues]

[clicks]

- [clicking]
- Huh.

The lights aren't working.

Yeah, we already
called the electrician.

[elevator bell dings]

[soft jazz music playing]

[all] Arthur!

- You're an electrician now?
- That's right.

After you fired me,
I couldn't find another
superhero team to battle.

So I left the world
of super villainy altogether.

We're sorry to hear that.

We still feel real bad
about what happened, yo.

Oh, don't.

Getting fired was
the best thing that
ever happened to me.

Honestly, I wish it would
have happened sooner.

- You do?
- Absolutely.

I no longer have to fight,
and I still get to pursue
my passion of light.

And... Oh, there.

All better.

Well, you're much better
at fixing lights

than you were at coming up
with evil schemes.

[chuckles]

All right, g*ng.
Let there be light.

[all] Ooh!

How's that for an evil scheme?
[laughs wickedly]