14x06 - Tango Tangle/Necro-Nom-Nom-Nom-I-Con

Episode transcripts for the TV show "SpongeBob SquarePants". Aired: May 1, 1999 - present.*
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A square yellow sponge named SpongeBob SquarePants lives in a pineapple with his pet snail, Gary, in the city of Bikini Bottom on the floor of the Pacific Ocean.
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14x06 - Tango Tangle/Necro-Nom-Nom-Nom-I-Con

Post by bunniefuu »

- Are you ready, kids?

Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

Aye, aye, Captain!

- ♪ Ohh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he ♪

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ If nautical nonsense
be something you wish ♪

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish ♪

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- Ready?

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- SpongeBob



[flute playing]

[waves crashing]

[jaunty music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Oh happy birthday on you ♪

♪ It's your birthday,
it's true ♪

♪ It's the day
that I built you ♪

♪ Happy birthday on ♪



- Oh, Sheldon.

This has been the best
birthday I've ever had.

- And it ain't over yet.

It's time for the birthday
girl to open her presents.



- Oh?

- It's a gift certificate
for tango lessons.

- Oh, you know I'd love
to dance with you, sweetie,

but we've tried this before.

And if you recall--

- Yeah?

Oh, yeah?


[whistle tooting]

- It did not go well.

- This time is going
to be different.

Because your other
birthday present is this.

The Leg Yanker Five Zillion.


This is for you, baby.


[dramatic music]

♪ ♪




- Oh.

- Hmm, nice weather up here.


- Well, hello, tall,
green, and evil.

- May I have this dance?

- [grunting]

- Love the new stems, Plankton.


- It's 8:00 p.m. already.

Where's our dance instructor?

- Hello, class.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

- [sighs]

- I'm your tango
instructor, Susie Groove.

And when I'm done with you,
this is how you gotta move.


So everyone start dancing,
and I'll come

around and give you some tips.

- ♪ Ahh ahh ahh,
la la la la la la la la ♪

- You're breaking
the first rule, honey.

It takes two to tango.

- Sorry, Miss Groove.

Mr. Krabs ordered me to be
Pearl's tango partner tonight,

but she just doesn't
dig my tangy moves.

- SpongeBob, you can't tango.

I need a real dance

not a cackling,
bow-legged goofball.

No offense.

- I took it as a compliment.


- I can teach anyone to tango.

All you gotta do is...

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Wow, you can tango.

Thanks to Susie Groove.

- [grunting]

- That's too close to tango.

♪ ♪

- One, two, three.

One, two, three.

Relax, Sheldon.

- I'm trying,
my little whirling dervish,

but these legs
have minds of their own.

Not that way, you idiots.

Damn you.


- Compose yourself, darling.

We're in public.

- I know.

I just need something
to balance me.


It works.


Wait, I got it.

I got it.


- Stop dancing!

- Ow.
- Sorry, Susie.

- I just washed my legs, and
I can't do a thing with them.

- Legs ain't your
problem, honey.

If you want to tango,
you got to learn

to dance with your hips.

- With my lips?

This isn't working.

- Ugh.

- That's because I said hips.

Watch me.

All you got to do is...

[percussive music]

♪ ♪

- Wow, your hips are so hip.

You got your work
cut out for you, Sheldon.

- My hips can't do that.

- Of course they can.

You got to force them to do it.

The tango is physical,

and most importantly,

- What?


Now you're talking my language.

- Yeah,
we speak fluent aggression.

- Good.

Tap into that aggression
and put it in your hips.

Now, abrazo.


both: Abrazo.

- Ready?

All you gotta do is...

- Terrific tangoing, Planktons.

- Yeah.

I thought we were good.

- Oh, how nice of you to say.


- Abrazo,my stinky cheese.

- Abrazo,my rotten rose.

- Oh, no, I accidentally
dropped my spike strip.


- [yells]

[piano trill]

[piano music]

[both chuckling]

- We're the king
and queen of tango.

- OK, Planktons, take four.


- That wasn't very nice
of Plankton and Karen.

- No, it wasn't,
but that's the tango, honey.

- [laughs]

- Bravo, Planktons.

Nice aggression.

- Oh, thank you, Susie.

I haven't had this much fun
since I got defragged.

- I'd say we're the best
in the class, wouldn't you,

Miss Groove?

- I think you're both great,
but my top students

might disagree.

both: Top students?

- Yeah.

They're late today.

- The tango masters
have arrived.

- Sorry we're late.

Bubble Bass needed
clean underwear.

- Mother.

- Bubble Bass and his mom?

- That's right.

Mother and I have won the
Undersea Tango Championship

three years in a row.

We're the best.

- But yet somehow, and without
warning, we're the best!

- I smell a dance-off.

- Insects first.


[both grunting]


Well, try and out-tango that.

- Don't mind if we do.

♪ ♪

- Huh?

[both growling]

- I said we're the best.


- Looks like someone
ordered a Bass sandwich.

[both yelling]

- Well, that was fun.

But I guess we're
not aggressive enough

to be the best.

- Nobody is more
aggressive than us.

They just have more practice.

If only there was some way
we could cheat and show them

who's really the best.

- Let's just go home, Sheldon.

this fell out of your pocket.

- Ooh, it's my Ray-Ray ray,
the device

that turns me into my alter
ego with great hair, Ray-Ray.

That'll make me
more aggressive.

- Ooh, you're right, Plankton.

My Ray-Ray is the only one
who could take charge of this.

Hold still.

- It's Ray-Ray, baby.

- Oops.

Sorry, wrong old man.

- It's Ray-Ray, baby.

- [grunting]

- Looks like someone ordered
a cold plate of revenge.

- With extra humiliation.

[both hissing]

- Tango rematch, honey.

♪ ♪

- [grunting]


- No.

- Whoo!

- Whoa!


Go, Ray-Ray, go.

- I want to hate the
Planktons, but they're so good.

- Oh, there, there, there.

- He dances like an angel.

- Of death.

- By the tango vested in me,
I pronounce Karen and Ray-Ray

my top students, honey.

- We did it, Ray-Ray.

We're the best.

- Happy birthday,
Karen-cakes, top of the world.

Now for the big finish.

Oh, no.

Too much friction.

Oh my--

- My legs!

Sorry, that's my line.

- Here, Plankton,
you can borrow my legs.

- No, thanks.

Mine are growing back already.

Thank you, Karen.

- It takes two to tango.

Come here, Ray-Ray.

all: The name's Ray-Ray, baby.

both: Uh-oh.

[light bouncy music]

♪ ♪

- Huh?
- [panting]


- Mmm.

- [munching]


I just love breakfast.

- I don't mind overpaying
if it's breakfast.

- Ooh, that money looks tasty.

- Do you mind?

- Sorry.

All these people eating
breakfast is making me hungry.

Hungry for more customers
that is.

- Speaking of customers,
stop bothering mine.

- Ahh!

- Well,
that sure kick-started my day.

- Morning, Mr. Krabs.

- Good morning, Krusty crew.

I have a fantastic
idea for me restaurant.

- We're opening
a Krusty Krab on the moon?

- We're closing down forever?

[loud expl*si*n]

- What? No.

From now on, the Krusty Krab
will start serving breakfast.

And you two get to come
to work even earlier.

- Hmm?

- Oh, boy, I get to make
Krabby Patties for breakfast.

- No, no, no, no, no.

People don't want
patties in the morning.

They want bacon
and eggs and hash browns.

You know, breakfast stuff.

See if you can whip up
a stack of pancakes, boy-o.

- Yes, sir.


[bell dings]

- Give it the old mouth test,
Mr. Squidward.

- These pancakes taste
like a Krabby Patty.

- Oh.

I guess I only know how
to cook Krabby Patties.

- Oh, I was afraid of this.

Go down to the bookstore
and pick up the breakfast

cookbook I ordered.

You need to expand your
repertoire a bit, boy-o.

- Hello, I'm here to pick
up a cookbook for Mr. Krabs.

- Well, of course, sir.


♪ ♪

Here you go.

- Are you sure
this is the right book?

- Looks right to me.

- Whoops, pardon me.

- What a polite
little hunk of cheese.


I have a book on hold, last
name Witch, first name Evil.

- Certainly.

Must be this one.

Your book, ma'am.

- I forgot my spectacles.

Hey, buddy, you sure this
is the magic book I ordered?

- Pretty sure.

- Huh?

If you say so.

- Uh-oh.

[all grumbling]

- I got the cookbook,
Mr. Krabs.

- Hurry up, boy-o.

Breakfast don't last
all day, you know.

- Love potions, summoning
demons, the undead and you.

Oh, breakfast.

"Stacks of woe."

That must mean pancakes.

This book sure calls
for some weird ingredients.

Mr. Krabs, do we have
any zombie teeth,

dragon's breath, eye of newt?

- Well, there should be some
in the back of the freezer.

- Really?

- What?

I can't pass up a sale.

- Found them.

Must be cooked
in an iron cauldron.

Ooh, classy.

I think there's one
in here somewhere.

Oh, there you are.



[muffled scream]

- Oh, they're glorious.

- Hmm.

Looks tasty.

Mr. Squidward, you're up again.

- Say, these are pretty good.

Breakfast is served.

[cheers and applause]

- Your oatmeal, sir.

- Mmm.

Deliciously bland.

- I woke up
before noon for this?

Where is my morning sustenance?

- Your waffles.

- A meal most toothsome.

Time to pay for my repast.


Egad, my hindquarters
have gone rogue.

- I am beyond offended.

- [howls]

- [hisses]

- Whoa.


Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Who ordered the parfait?

[all shouting, howling]

- Huh? Huh? Huh?

Of course.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

- SpongeBob.

What the ham and eggs
is going on around here?

- Oh, I don't think I've got
the hang of this breakfast

thing, Mr. Krabs.

- [chattering]

- A cup of milk?

Two eggs?

A loaf of bread?

And kelp sugar?

Eh, all right.


French toast?

Hash browns?


Huevos rancheros?

What the heck?

What's wrong with this
blasted spell book?

"Uncle Jimmy's
Breakfast Magic"?

It's a cookbook.


I better find out who got
my spell book, and fast.


Right after I finish my quiche.

- Why is this happening?

- Maybe all the weird
stuff I've been cooking

caused all of this.


Would explain the cauldron too.

And the flying cookbook.

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

The cookbook
is using tasty breakfast

treats to create a monster.

- [roars]

[all screaming]

- Oh, so this is where
my spell book went.

- [roars]

- Ooh, a customer.

Take her order, Squidward.

- Uh, thanks, but I
couldn't eat another bite.


I'm here to swap
books with you.

I think my spell book got
mixed up with your cookbook.

But first, I better take
care of this foodie fiasco.

Flippity floppity food.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪


Not maple syrup.

I'm sticky.

So sticky.

Hey, you, the spongy kid
with the wand.

- That's a spatula.

- My wand.

- Well, I'll lend you
some of my magic.

The only way to stop breakfast
is with its mortal enemy--


- Oh, I can do dinner.

Pippity poppity pot roast.


- [growls]

[all yelling]

- No.

Squidward is not part
of a balanced breakfast,

a triple-decker Krabby Patty.

- [roars]

- With cheese.


- Mmm.


[loud expl*si*n]




I need a vacation.

- Hey, kid, do you want
to be my apprentice?

You got a real knack for magic.

- Thanks.

But the only magic
I need is the delicious

taste of a Krabby Patty.

- Eh.

A patty?

It's a little early for me.



A Krabby waffle.

- Ooh, a Krabby waffle, eh?

I have another brilliant idea.

We will no longer
be serving breakfast.

From now on, the Krusty Krab
will be serving "brinner."

- Ooh,
the breakfast-dinner duo.

- And this time, I picked
up the new cookbook myself.

- [growls]

[ghosts howling]

Hey, we've got customers.
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