01x06 - Rogue

[bunniefuu]

[GUEST] Lord Barton,
you are a rake. A cad.

You have dishonoured my sister.

[BARTON] Lord Galpin, remind me

to which dishonouring are you referring?

The one in the kitchen?

In your study?

In the stables?

You will marry her, sir!

I will do no such thing.

Now, I'm awfully bored of your shouting.

If you wish to challenge me to a duel,
then please, sir, do.

Then I can sh**t you dead.

[BONES CLICK]

Wow. You really are
wonderfully bad, aren't you?

Beg your pardon?

Oh, you gamble, have affairs.
You're an absolute snake.

Meanwhile, I'm all noble and serious.

Look at me.

I'm so dull.

I'd rather be you.

Unhand me!

What are you... [GRUNTS]

That's impossible! [GRUNTING]

[SCREAMING]

- [GRUNTS]
- [BODY THUDS]

[SNIFFS, SIGHS]

Now I get to be the bad one.

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

[CHAMBER MUSIC PLAYING]

[RUBY GIGGLING]

Oh, my Bridgerton. [CHUCKLES]

This is my actual dream.

- It's brilliant, isn't it?
- [CHUCKLES]

And the dances. [CHUCKLING]

Oh, Ruby, the dances.

I can't dance. Not like this.

- How do I know these moves?
- Psychic earrings.

Choreography beamed
into your motor system.

Tap twice to choose your moves.

It's like instant Strictly.

- [APPLAUSE]
- [GIGGLES]

Just don't set them to battle mode.

[CLICKS TONGUE] Right.

Marvellous.

Well, I thought I knew everyone
at my ball, but it appears not.

What a delight.

Wonderful party, Your Grace.

[CHUCKLES] Some are
saying best of the season.

A triumph.

- A new standard set. [CHUCKLES]
- [RUBY] Mmm.

I, of course, could not comment.

But I think the real estimation
of an evening is in the matches made.

Don't you agree, Miss...

Uh, Ruby.

Lady Ruby Sunday
of the Notting Hill estate.

[DOCTOR CHUCKLES]

This is the Doctor.

Oh, my dear, you aren't unwell?

- Oh, no, no. He's just a friend.
- Mmm.

[DUCHESS] Oh, good. [CHUCKLES]

Well, a young lady needs
suitors, not friends. Come.

- Oh. Oh, she's so posh. I love her.
- [DOCTOR CHUCKLES]

- [FEEDBACK REVERBERATES]
- Oh. [STAMMERS]

- I'm getting feedback.
- On the earrings?

[FEEDBACK PULSATING]

Ooh, interesting.

Sonar interference.

[DUCHESS] Lady Ruby, attend.

Uh, s... I'll handle this.

Just-just try not to get engaged
or accidentally invent tarmac.



- [INHALES SHARPLY]
- Okay, go, go, go. Enjoy.

[THE SONIC WHIRRING, BEEPING]

[WHIRRING CONTINUES]

My dear, stand tall, eyes bright.

Lord Barton approaches.

Ooh, that's a tall glass of heartbreak.

Your Grace, where have you been
hiding this absolute delight?

With hair like golden strands
spun in the rays of the evening sun.

Oh, you're not a tall glass at all,
you're half a pint of shandy.

My dear, you should learn
to be admired in silence.

[SMACKS LIPS]

Yeah, well, if you spoke
to me and the girls like that

on a Friday night down
at the Spinning Wheel,

then we'd rip you a new one, mate.

[UPPER-CLASS ACCENT] Now get
out of my way, Lord Stilton.

Stilton?

It's a very difficult cheese.

[HUFFS]

[BONES CLICK]

[SCOFFS]

Oh, uh, Your Grace. Who is that?

The Duke's late mother.

Her eyes still follow me about the room.

Constant judgement.

- [RUBY EXHALES]
- But, my dear,

the way you spoke to Lord Barton,
you were rather splendid.

Is it always like that in the North?

Oh, well, fellas like
that are ten a penny.

Oh, he's moved on.

Who's he with now?

[DUCHESS] Miss Emily Beckett.

She's bookish and vapid,
I fear, but good teeth.

Oh, by the Saints! Lady Wallace.

No, no, no!

- Wait here, dear.
- Mm-hmm.

[DUCHESS] Excuse me. Oh, no.
Not now, Lord... [STAMMERS]

[ORCHESTRA PLAYING "BAD GUY"]

Brooding. Good look.

Do you practise in the mirror?

Bit more frown maybe.

Yeah? Like this.

Yeah? Like this, really.
Really, like this.

[INHALES SHARPLY]

I didn't know the duchess
employs a court jester.

Well, I'm hilarious.

And you're kind of funny.

Peculiar.

Standing here.

Good vantage point.

Keeping an eye out on the exits,
like you're expecting trouble.

Are you?

Honey, I'm here for fun.

Then go and pursue your facile
pleasures, and leave me alone.

Okay, rude.

- Lord...
- Not a Lord.

Does not-a-Lord have a name?

Rogue.

Nice to meet you.

I'm the Doctor.

Just the Doctor?

Just Rogue?

I think you and I should go outside.

Fast mover.

[INHALES DEEPLY]

Okay. [CLEARS THROAT]

- [DUCHESS] Lady Wallace.
- Yes, I think so. [CHUCKLES]

- Lady Wallace.
- Yes?

How brave of you to wear
that gown this evening,

after I wore it so beautifully
last season.

[WALLACE GASPS, SCOFFS]

How absolutely rude of her.

What on earth are you doing here?

My housekeeper, outside,
where you can be seen?

You disgrace me!

I made a stupid mistake
choosing to be staff.

It's all work.

- Cooking, cleaning, mopping up...
- [SCOFFS]

... while you lot are out here
having a right old shindig.

[HUFFS]

I'll have you sacked, woman.

You will not sour my evening.

People look to me
as an arbiter of taste.

What? In that dress?

I beg your pardon.

How dare you!

Maybe it will look better on me.

[DUCHESS GASPS, WHIMPERS]

[WHIMPERS]

[SCREAMING]

[BARTON] Emily, please. I beg of you.

[EMILY] But you consume me, sir.

I think about you my every waking
hour, and I hate myself for it.

And what would you have me do?

I rely on the favour of my aunt,

and she would never
approve of this match.

I would be destitute!

But you'd have me to love.

[SCOFFS]

- I will not marry you.
- [GASPS]

Not now. Not ever.

- [SCOFFS]
- [EMILY] Then go.

You stole my heart, now
leave me my reputation.

And yet...

you tempt me still.

[STAMMERS, GRUNTS]

Shh.

Um, I should not be here. Uh,
good evening. [CLEARS THROAT]

I'm sorry. I didn't mean
to, uh... interrupt.

Are you okay?

I'm ruined.

Oh, what-what-what do you mean ruined?

A couple caught alone is a scandal!

If the man refuses to marry the lady,

she will no longer be acceptable
to polite society.

Oh, this is so Bridgerton. [SIGHS]

I love these old skies,

ripe with constellations
being found and named.

The Bear. The Ram.

All chosen by the
astronomer de Lacaille.

Great with stars, bad with names.

Called one star system Norma.

Do you never stop chattering?

Okay, Rogue.

You're tall, you're handsome,
you're arrogant.

You look great in that jacket.

So there's one thing I have to ask...

Is that a shoe?

No one walks away from a situation
with one less shoe. You'd notice.

I suggest look for the other shoe.

[DOCTOR] Over there.

A shoe and a leg. Oh, no.

Oh, man. Oh, m...

This is the duchess.

This is the duchess's clothes.

[THE SONIC WHIRS]

- I'm sorry.
- [SIGHS]

This is no way to die.

And you knew.

You didn't even flinch.

Because it's obvious.

This is a m*rder far beyond
the technology of planet Earth.

It could only be done
by someone brilliant.

- And monstrous.
- And ruthless.

- Contemptible.
- [BOTH] You.

[BOTH] You.

[BOTH] No, you.

Excuse me, I think...

You.

If you ask me, he's an idiot.

Honestly, my mate Bex, she'd tie
him to a lamp post in his pants.

- [CHUCKLING] The funny things you say.
- [CHUCKLES]

But his station in life is too tenuous.

He must find a good match,
and I have no dowry to speak of.

Oh, pfft. You know what?

He sounds like he's choosing
his cushy lifestyle over love.

Cushy?

[STAMMERS] Comfortable, like a cushion.

Cushy.

I like it.

Yeah, okay. Uh, maybe
don't use it a lot.

Yeah, okay.

Okay.

- Okay. [CHUCKLES]
- Ah. [CHUCKLES]

- Your words amuse me.
- [CHUCKLES]

It's such a pleasure
to meet you, Miss...

Oh, Ruby.

And I'm Miss Emily Beckett.

But most people here would
delight in the gossip,

not offer me comfort.

Well, nah. You know what my mum says?

"If it's not your life, why are you
telling it?" [CLICKS TONGUE]

She's annoyingly smart.

Right. [SIGHS] You know
how I forget about a man?

I go dancing.

You know this is not a good
look for you in any century.

Keep moving.

So who do you think I am?

I know you're a Chuldur.

The shapeshifters.

[CHUCKLES]

I mean, I've heard of them.
I've never met one.

Unless I have.

Drop the act, Doc.

There's a Chuldur at work on this planet,

and I've been paid
good money to find you.

Okay, firstly, "Doc"?

No, thank you, sir. Please.

Secondly, you are a bounty hunter?

That is so cool.

Catching monsters, getting into scrapes.

Meeting handsome strangers.

I'm here for the money. Nothing more.

So where are you taking me?

- My ship.
- [LAUGHS]

Where'd you hide a spaceship in 1813?

[ROGUE] It's cloaked past that shed.

Shed? That's my ship.

You travel in a shed?

Love the shed.

- Why isn't it cloaked?
- It's behind a tree.

[TOOL WHIRS]

Now that's a ship.

[CHAMBER MUSIC PLAYING]

A wonderful party, Your Grace.

Thank you.

Nice costume.

[FEATHERS RUFFLE, CHIRPS]

Tight fit.

Oh, you're the duchess?

[SNIFFS]

Of course. I should've scented you.

I wanted to be her next.

Too slow, love.

[INHALES SHARPLY] Although, I was
hoping someone here would be royal.

Nevertheless, I have picked
my outfit for the wedding.

Oh, really? Who?

[DUCHESS] Lady Ruby Sunday.

She just seems so... different.

[SIGHS]

So, this place is a mess.

[CHUCKLES]

- Rogue, honey, you need company.
- I live alone.

[CHUCKLING] Baby, I can see.

But was that always the case?

Why do you ask?

This is an old asteroid hopper

piloted by two.

Not anymore. Stand there.

What do those things do?

It's a trap.

Tri-form on.

[AUTOMATED VOICE] Tri-form activated.

[DOCTOR STAMMERS]

Oh, I see.

My name is bond.

Molecular bond.

It works as a transport gate.
It just needs time to charge up.

[DOCTOR] Transport to where?

- The incinerator.
- [CONTROLS BEEPING]

It's a death sentence.

You're a k*ller.

Oh, well.

- How about tri-form off?
- [THE SONIC BEEPS]

[TRI-FORM BUZZES, HUMS]

- Tri-form off.
- It's deadlocked.

You can't turn it off until it's
charged, and once it's charged...

[TOOL WHIRS]

- ... I press send.
- Yeah?

Well, my gadget can do more
things than your gadget.

[ROGUE] You're not scaring me.

The ship would've registered
that as a dangerous device.

Instead, it says...

[GASPS]

- ... screwdriver.
- Yes.

Which is convenient because

I've been wanting some
new shelves over there.

[DOCTOR] Oh, ha-ha. No.

But it does do all sorts of things.

[THE SONIC WHIRS]

Ah.

[THE SONIC STOPS WHIRRING, CLICKS]

Did you get your name
from Dungeons and Dragons?

Roll for Insight.

Oh, I'm sorry.

[SCOTTISH ACCENT] Was that a wee smile

from the most serious man in history?

- And it says that you're wired for sound.
- [THE SONIC BEEPS]

["CAN'T GET YOU OUT OF MY HEAD" PLAYING]

[NORMAL VOICE] Now, this is a surprise.

Oh, I love this.

Classic!

[MUSIC STOPS]

[MUSIC RESUMES]

[CONTROL PANEL BEEPS]

[BEEPING CONTINUES]

- [MUSIC STOPS]
- Mm-mmm.

[MUSIC RESUMES]

[MUSIC STOPS]

Oh!

[MUSIC RESUMES]

I'm just standing still, baby.

[LAUGHING]

[PANTS]

Give me... Give me that device.

[LIP-SYNCING] ♪ Boy, your
lovin' is all I think about ♪

[ROGUE] Now.

[MUSIC ENDS]

Have your fun, Doctor.
You've got very little time left.

Ro... [CHUCKLES]

Rogue, I am telling you, you
have got the wrong man, okay?

And I can prove it.

This authenticates me as non-Chuldur.

- It says, "You're hot".
- Does it?

I'm sorry... No. It's broken.

- Is it you're hot or I'm hot?
- I... No.

- It is just that it's...
- Who's hot, Doctor?

It means the temperature.

Ah. It suits you. Flustered.
It's a good look.

- You should try it more often.
- Says the man about to k*ll me.

Gotta do my job, but
just for the paperwork...

This job has so much paperwork
ever since we got that new boss.

- [AUTOMATED VOICE] Scanning.
- [SCANNER CLICKS]

[ROGUE] Ah!

Deep scanner confirmed.

Shapeshifter.

[AUTOMATED VOICE]
Transport gate charging.

Press send in ten vexils...

[MACHINE WHIRS]

I'm just so trigger-happy.

How long does a vexil last?

- ... nine...
- Oh, that long.

- [SMACKS LIPS] Nice knowing ya, Doc.
- ... eight...

Rogue, I am telling you,
you've got the wrong man.

If you k*ll me, you leave a Chuldur
out there on 19th-century Earth.

Think of all the innocent
people that would die!

- And if I've only got five vexils...
- ... four...

- ... then I beg of you, look.
- ... three...

- Scanning...
- [PANTING]

- [TRI-FORM WHIRS, PULSES]
- ... two...

one...

Press send.

Press send.

I'm not a Chuldur.

I'm something much older
and far more powerful.

I'm a Lord of Time from the lost
and fallen planet of Gallifrey.

Now, let me go, bounty hunter.

We have work to do.

Wow.

- [BOTH GIGGLING]
- [EMILY] We can't keep hiding.

Oh, we can. They all wanna find
you a husband downstairs,

but you can do whatever you want.

- Oh, you are revolutionary.
- No, I mean it.

You can do whatever you
like without Lord Barton.

Come on, what do you
wanna do with your life?

Well, I'll marry someone
lesser and smaller.

There may not be love, but
perhaps a kindly smile at dinner

and then a shared grave.

Aw. Right.

- So, you mean till death? [INHALES DEEPLY]
- What choice do I have?

Oh, so much more, Emily.
Oh, let me tell you.

This life may seem small, but
there are horizons out there

- and adventures and mountains...
- [GASPS]

... to be climbed... No!

[GASPS, GROANS] Who is that?

- [OWL HOOTING]
- [CRICKETS CHIRPING]

You ready for this?

It's not my first shed. [SIGHS]

[TARDIS HUMS]

[ROGUE] Oh, my God.

♪ Come with me and you'll be
in a world of pure imagination ♪

♪ Take a look and you'll see
into your imagination ♪

[CHUCKLING] I'm in love...

with this machine.

Mm-hmm.

Dimensionally transcendental...

- [TARDIS BEEPS, HUMMING]
- ... and so clean.

Yes, the things that you don't
recognise are called surfaces.

[CHUCKLES] Oh, man. You
make me sound so boring.

[TARDIS GROANS]

What was that?

Nothing. Indigestion.

She gets upset by bounty hunters.

It's the moral void.
No offence. [GIGGLES]

And this. From the ancient
and fallen world of Gallifrey.

- Where the hell is that?
- Well, I might take you one day.

[SWITCHES CLICKING]

[CHIMES, HUMMING]

[DOCTOR] All right.

In a few minutes, it will
no longer be a deathtrap.

You are welcome.

Why? What does it do now?

Well, whatever the Chuldur
has done, I can't let you k*ll it.

I also can't let it k*ll others.

So, instead, we will transport it
to a random, barren dimension.

No one to hurt. No way back.

- [ROGUE] Huh.
- Okay.

Who did you lose?

[CHUCKLING] What?

You lost someone.

- How'd you know that?
- Because I know.

There was...

Yeah.

We travelled together. We had
fun, you know? [CHUCKLES]

And then a day came along,
and at the end of that day...

I lost them.

What about you?

I lost everyone.

At the party, I saw you with that woman.

Hmm. My best friend. [GIGGLES]

Do you ever wonder...

- Why keep going?
- Because we have to.

We have to live each day
because they can't.

You don't have to stay
a bounty hunter, Rogue.

You could travel with me. Oh,
the worlds I could show you, Rogue.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

And what if I like what I do?

Would you travel with me?

That is quite an argument.

I'll tell you what. When we both
get out of this... [BREATHES DEEPLY]

... let's argue across the stars.

I'd like that.

[CONSOLE CHIMES]

The trap is ready.

Now, let's get back to this party
before anyone else dies!

- [CHAMBER MUSIC PLAYING]
- [GUESTS CHATTERING]

- There's a body upstairs.
- There's a shapeshifter k*lling people...

- Someone has k*lled her.
- Oh, you know?

Should we be telling humans?

Ruby, 2024. Rogue, outer-space
bounty hunter. Nice lady?

- Emily.
- Emily, 1813.

The duchess,
a shapeshifting Chuldur. Okay?

I know the word, "Okay".

- [MUSIC ENDS]
- [APPLAUSE]

Okay, but what does anyone get
out of k*lling these people?

I mean, I know they're
posh snobs and all that,

but we found the housekeeper dead.

I mean, why would anybody do that?

[CHAMBER MUSIC PLAYING]

The dance. The drama.

The emotion. Oh, man. It's cosplay.

- All of this. The Chuldur is cosplaying.
- [GASPS]

You said a Chuldur comes to a planet
and tries on people like outfits,

all for the fun of it.
Exactly like cosplay.

Wait, so you mean it's literally

dressing up and playing at Bridgerton?

Could be. I mean, those TV signals
beam out across the stars.

What are these TV signals?

N-No time.

Uh, we need to get the duchess
outside on her own.

And if there's one thing
that attracts her, it's scandal.

And outrage. And plot twists.

So, come on, Rogue.

Shall we?

I don't see how us dancing
will create a scene.

Then you should have researched this era

a little more because we are scandalous.

[ROGUE] So, what is this ancient
Earth tradition of cosplay?

[DOCTOR CHUCKLES] Oh, Rogue.

It's when fans dress up as
characters that they like,

and in our Chuldur's case,
it's Bridgerton.

Who is that?

[GUESTS GASP]

Quite the sight.

Oh, my, ladies. This is shocking.

We need to have a big fight so we
can storm out and draw her to us.

The Chuldur cosplay. Not me.

This is the wrong time to be strong
and silent and so attractive.

- How dare you, my lord?
- [GUESTS GASP]

[MUSIC STOPS]

Oh, this is new.

You would ask me to give
up my title, my fortune,

but what future can you promise me?

[STAMMERS]

- You cad!
- [GUESTS GASP]

Tell me what your heart wants,

or I shall turn my back on you forever.

[STAMMERS] I...

[WHISPERS] Say anything.

[GUESTS GASP, MURMUR]

Sorry, I ca...

I can't.

[GASPS]

- Oh, I must play them. [INHALES SHARPLY]
- Intercept.

- You go that way.
- [BONES CLICK]

[BONES CLICK]

[CHULDUR SHRIEKS]

[GASPS]

[SCREECHES]

What? By the Lord.

Oh, it's him. It's not the duchess.

- [GASPS]
- What is he?

How can you even talk
like this? Who are you?

- [WHIMPERS]
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Now keep the duchess talking.

A Chuldur is strong, and if she starts
to change you, it won't stop.

Quick question. How many
does this trap hold?

One.

Because there's only one Chuldur, yeah?

[BONES CLICKING]

- It's a Chuldur family.
- Uh-huh.

I want to be the Doctor.

- Who wants to fight for the other one?
- Run.

- I'm normally the one that says that.
- [CHULDUR] Me. Me. Me.

[CHULDUR SCREECHING]

[SCREECHES]

[CHULDUR] I found them! [WARBLES]

- Gentlemen, we just want some fun!
- [CHULDUR SCREECHING]

[DUCHESS] I would love to be the Doctor.

[CHULDUR SCREECHES]

Breaking spines. Removing tonsils.

Live vivisection!

[CHULDUR SCREECHING]

Now find them!

[SIGHS] I want a new look.

[SIGHS]

[CHULDUR SCREECHES]

[SQUAWKS]

[SQUAWKS]

[CHULDUR SQUAWKS]

[WARBLES]

[WARBLES]

[SCREECHES]

Where are they?

- Any luck?
- The stables are empty.

Back to the house.

We must advance with the wedding.

That should get them out of hiding.

She said wedding?

But four of them.

We've only got a trap
for one. What do we do?

[DUCHESS] When we start the action,

these human beings
will panic and scream.

It'll ruin the authenticity
of the evening.

Oh, but I like the panic
and the screaming bit.

This is what we came for.

The gossip, the romance, the scandal.

We still have the big finale wedding
to come, and then London.

We can play our games
on a magnificent scale.

Parliament first. Then
royalty. I can be king.

And we can start wars with the French

and the Spanish and the Portuguese,

and everyone who doesn't look British.

And bloodshed.

- And cannons.
- Gunpowder.

We're gonna cosplay
this planet to death.

- Thank you.
- [THE SONIC WHIRS]

- A little bit of zizz.
- Zizz?

Technical term. I can make
this transport gate carry four.

There might be others.

- Right. Uh, six. Six maximum.
- [THE SONIC WHIRS]

The problem is too much weight.
This can now only work once.

We've got one try at
this, Rogue. Just one.

We've gotta get it right first time.

Oh, Emily.

Emily, I'm sorry. I know
it's hard, but trust me.

There are scary things in the universe,

but the good things
always outnumber 'em.

How can you say these things?

You with your TV and your okay.

Uh, okay, look, the truth is...

Nah, you've seen enough.

I'm not from your world.

I come from the future.

You are truly remarkable.

[CHUCKLES]

And I thought I was interesting.

A bookish little wallflower,
risking it all for a secret love.

- But you?
- [FAN THUDS]

You are wild

- and brave and rude.
- [SIGHS]

Living a life of adventure
from times yet to come.

Oh, Ruby Sunday...

- [BONES CLICK]
- [GASPS]

I want to be you.

- [ZAPPING]
- [RUBY SCREAMS]

["EINE KLEINE NACHTMUSIK"
PLAYING ON STRINGS]

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

[GUESTS SCREAMING, CLAMOURING]

[SPEAKING FRENCH, GERMAN]

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

- [SQUAWKS]
- [GUESTS GASP, SHRIEK]

[SIGHS] Oh, come now, loves, a party

isn't a party without a costume change.

And don't I look fabulous?

[SQUAWKS]

[GUESTS SCREAMING]

[DUCHESS] Silence!

- Any sign of Ruby?
- Not seen her.

They've locked the doors.

This is the endgame.

- Chuldur leave no witnesses.
- [DUCHESS] Darlings...

[ROGUE] They'll slaughter everyone.

... now it is time for the season finale.

And what could be better than a wedding?

[GASPS] And here they come.

Bride and groom. [MOANS]

[GIGGLES]

How does it feel to be Lady Ruby?

[RUBY] Mmm. Delicious.

- [WHISPERS] I'm sorry.
- [WHISPERS] They got her.

[DUCHESS] She looks good on you.

[BONES CLICK]

[WARBLES]

[CARLA] Doctor.

Doctor, look.

You know I can't stop her,
and I wouldn't wanna do that.

And if anyone deserves to see
it all, feel it all, it's Ruby.

[CHUCKLES]

[CARLA] But I'm still her mum.

I need to know she'll be okay.

You'll keep her safe?

I will keep her safe.

I promise.

[SOBS]

[CLATTERING]

[DISTANT SCREAMING]

Now, every wedding needs a vicar.

You.

Step forward, sir.

- Madam. Your Grace. Your "birdiness".
- [WARBLES]

Hmm?

I cannot sanction wedlock
for creatures from hell.

[WARBLES]

[GUESTS GASP, CLAMOURING]

- [GUESTS SCREAMING]
- [VICAR PANTS]

[SHRIEKS]

[GROANS]

How long do they live for? [SNIFFLES]

- Chuldur?
- Mmm.

They have a lifespan of 600 years.

Good. Good.

It's a long time to suffer.

Dearly beloved, we are
gathered here today

in the sight of the unholy...

[SCOFFS] Oh, whatever.
Et cetera, praise be, holibobs...

to witness the marriage
of Lord Barton to Miss Ruby.

- I object!
- [GUESTS GASPING]

Sorry, had we reached that bit yet?

It's very hard to hear out here.

I object to this wedding

and to all that you are, Chuldur.

[SNIFFS] Taste his inhuman scent.

Mmm. Breathe it in deep, baby,
because I am exuding,

and I am one of a kind.

He is quite unique.

[CHULDUR] He's something
unknown. I want to be him!

I want it! I want it!

And I want you standing
exactly there for this.

[CHULDUR LAUGH]

One-third of a transport gate?

[CHULDUR] One-third of a trap.

One-third of a brain, Doctor.

Of course.

I need the other two pieces.
I wonder where they are.

[INHALES DEEPLY] Oh.

[BUZZES]

For the desecration of Ruby Sunday,
you deserve only this.

- Tri-form on!
- [CHULDUR CLAMOUR]

[AUTOMATED VOICE] Trap locked at five.

How dare you, sir?

[GUESTS SCREAMING]

[TRI-FORM HUMS]

You'll pay for this.

But when?

Because five passengers in
a transport gate gives about...

[GROANS] ... uh, 80 vexils.

- So... [CHUCKLES]
- Doctor, how long's a vexil?

Don't pretend.

No, I'm not. It's me, Doctor.

Nice try.

[GRUNTS] Me mum's called Carla,
and me gran's called Cherry,

and it snowed when I was born,

and we met space babies,
and I'm really, really sorry.

But how?

I cosplayed. [CHUCKLES]

["POKER FACE" PLAYING ON STRINGS]

Battle mode.

[GRUNTING]

- [GRUNTS]
- [RUBY] Whoa! [CHUCKLES]

[SCREAMS]

[BONES CLICK]

[EMILY SCREAMS]

Doctor, I can't move. [SOBS]

That's what she did to me!

How could you mistake her for me?

[BARTON] She has the scent of a Chuldur.

You idiot! It's a false scent
from that cheap psychic jewellery.

[PANTS] Tri-form... Tri-form off.

Tri-form off! Tri-form
off! Tri-form off!

[AUTOMATED VOICE]
Transport gate charged.

- [TRI-FORM HUMMING]
- Press send.

[DUCHESS] You won't press send.

You're too soft and feeble
to dispatch your little blonde friend.

Emily, you have my full permission.

Become the Doctor.

[SQUAWKS]

[GASPS] Um.

[BOTH GRUNT]

- [GRUNTS]
- [EMILY SQUAWKING]

[AUTOMATED VOICE] Trap locked at six.

[ROGUE] Doctor, press send.

- We've only got one chance.
- I can't.

He's too much of a coward.

Press the button.

- It will send Ruby.
- No, Doctor. It's fine...

No! No, no! No!

If you don't send, the
Chuldur will escape,

and Ruby dies anyway.

[AUTOMATED VOICE]
Transport gate charged.

It's fine.

[AUTOMATED VOICE] Press send.

[ROGUE] They'll k*ll us.

Then this house. Then
London. Then the world.

You know that.

You absolutely know it.

So can you do it?

[SOBS]

Can you lose your friend
to save the world?

[SOBBING]

[SNIFFLES]

No.

I know.

[SOBS, SIGHS]

- [RUBY] Rogue, no!
- [GRUNTS]

[AUTOMATED VOICE] Matter exchange.

Trap locked at six.

[GASPS]

Find me.

- [TRI-FORM WHIRS]
- [DUCHESS YELPS]

[GASPS]

- You okay?
- Mmm.

[SNIFFLES, SIGHS]

[THE SONIC BEEPS, HUMS]

[SPACESHIP WHIRRING]

Just sending the ship into
orbit around the moon,

- so it can wait, as long as it takes.
- [THE SONIC BEEPING]

Can't we use the TARDIS and go find him?

- [CHUCKLES]
- [THE SONIC BEEPS]

There are as many dimensions
as there are atoms in the universe.

[INHALES DEEPLY]

Don't even know his
real name. [CHUCKLES]

I'm sorry.

[INHALES DEEPLY]

Anyway, it is what it is. So, onwards.

Fine. Next. Off we go.

Where shall we go?

- Anywhere.
- Doctor, you don't have to be like this.

I have to be like this
'cause this is what I'm like.

Onwards. Upwards. New horizons.

- Moving on. It's fine...
- Okay, can you just shut up a second?

[CHUCKLES]

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

It's good to have you back, Ruby.

And you, Doctor.

[GIGGLES]

[BOTH HUMMING]

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

[DOCTOR] Everywhere I land,
a woman appears.

In every dream, I'm there.

[DOCTOR] She doesn't know why,
but she remembered them.

Doctor. There's something wrong.

Whatever it is, here it comes.

[SONG CONTINUES]