04x06 - Dirty Business

[bunniefuu]

[BUTCHER] The answer to all our prayers.

A virus that kills Supes.

[FRENCHIE] Somebody's
been running tests.

Holy shit.

Let's go.

Sameer, is the virus gone?

[BUTCHER] That's the only dose.

So we inject it into
your dead buddy over here,

to infect the crazy
f*cking flying sheep.

- Where's Sameer?
- [FBSA AGENT] We couldn't find Dr. Shah.

She knew the difference
between right and wrong.

That baby k*ller!

- [GRUNTING]
- [SAGE] You set me up

and you fell for it.

[HOMELANDER] What's your next step?

[SAGE] The world ripped
down, rebuilt in your image.

Jesus f*cking Christ, are you serious?

Shh.

[HOMELANDER] We recently found a leak.

- I'm still gonna f*ck your wife.
- [GRUNTS]

[HUGH SR.] There's
something wrong with me.

I don't know what to do!

I love you so much.

[HUGHIE CRYING]

[FRENCHIE] Some sins
deserve eternal damnation.

I have committed murders.

We don't belong with decent people.

We are monsters so other
people don't have to be.

[SAMEER] You chopped off my f*cking leg!

You'll be back to work in no time.

- What work?
- [BUTCHER] You're gonna make us

some more of that virus.

Wakey-wakey, eggs and
bakey, m*therf*cker.

[GROANS]

Now listen up, son.

We been awfully patient with you...

... but it's time to stop f*cking
about and get the job done.

[GAGS, EXHALES]

Mary's little lamb is starting to stink.

I could just bash your f*cking
head in, jog your memory.

Or, alternatively...

... you just give us
a list of what you need

to extract the virus.

You cut off my f*cking leg,
you chain me here... For what?

[PANICKED GROAN]

[BUTCHER] Listen,
mate. I'm the only thing

that's standing between you
and a murderball game at the Y.

You don't understand, I can't.

I can't. Vicky, Zoe... I can't.

[SCREAMS]

Could just send you back
to them in a f*cking bucket,

you don't do whatever the f*ck we say.

[COUGHING]

You all right?

Yeah, right as rain.

You got a week.

And make it strong
enough to top Homelander.

A week? This could take months!

A week.

[SOBS]

Don't let him fall asleep this time.

[JARRING MUSIC PLAYING]

To my right, your left, is
the famous Beresford Hotel

out of where Ralph Fiennes's
Chris Marshall pursued

JLo's maid Marisa, asking if
any part of their love was real.

[GUIDE CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]

[DAPHNE] You know, this has got
to be a health code violation.

[HUGHIE] It's what he wanted.

My God, did he love Maid in Manhattan.

- [SIGHS] Man, that movie sucks.
- It's so bad.

- Right?
- It's so bad.

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

I just feel like maybe I
shouldn't leave, you know?

You know, you can call me
anytime, I can come in same day...

Yeah, but people back home

really need their Voughtality
beauty care, right?

Really, I'm...

- I'm fine.
- Yeah?

Yeah.

Is she okay?

[HUGHIE] Kimiko? Our friend Frenchie

just turned himself in for a
bunch of murders he committed

for this Russian mob boss,

but Kimiko's upset that he didn't
talk to her about it first, so...

Who the f*ck are your friends?

ab*rtion is m*rder!

- Hey, f*ck off, assh*le!
- Hughie, Hughie...

Hey, stop, stop, please, please, please.

Okay, sorry. I'm sorry.

- I'm sorry.
- I am so sorry, Daphne, I'm so sorry.

- That man is a piece of shit, dear.
- [LAUGHS SOFTLY]

Folks, this way.

That's not part of the tour. [CHUCKLES]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[OFFICER] Patterson.

Villanueva family. Davies.

Line up for the next visitor shuttle.

Inmate's name and DIN?

Inmate refused visitation.

Next.

[WISTFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ ♪

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ USA... ♪

Hope y'all are having a blessed day.

Cameron Coleman has taken a
sabbatical, and I'm tickled to announce

that I'm filling in as
the evening news anchor.

So without further ado, our top story...

are Jewish space lasers brainwashing
you into joining their shuls?

Our story tonight
begins with Jerry Brown,

the Rand Corporation and
the Manischewitz kosher...

[APP CHIMES]

[GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS]

[APP VOICE] ... let
your intention connect

with an almost affectionate attention

- toward the breath.
- [INHALES]

[EXHALES]

[PHONE RINGING]

[GROWLS]

[A-TRAIN OVER PHONE] Hey,
this is so f*cked...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down.

- [MOTHER'S MILK] Where are you?
- Toronto, so we could talk.

They k*lled Cameron Coleman
because they thought

that he was the f*cking leak.

- Oh, shit.
- Listen, I can't do this shit anymore, man.

- I'm done!
- All right.

No one ever said this would be easy.

Think about your
brother, your nephews...

They'd be so proud of you, man.

Who cares what my family thinks
if I'm already f*cking dead?

Calm down.

Now walk me through everything.

And let's process this
shit together, all right?

This is so f*cked!

So before Cameron got beaten to death,

Homelander was seen putting
Supes together like a...

An army.

Mm-hmm.

And then A-Train saw
Tek-Knight talking to Sage.

Looked like they were
planning something...

You want to talk to Tek-Knight.

Now, he's having a Federalist
Society party tonight at his estate.

[ANNIE] I cannot believe
that this is about

to come out of my mouth, but... [SIGHS]

... we could use Butcher.

Have you heard from him?

m*therf*cker's MIA.

[ANNIE] Hey.

Maybe you should sit this out. You know?

You've just been through
so much. With your dad...

I'm fine.

Focusing on work is exactly what
I need to do right now, okay?

Just trust me.

- Okay.
- Okay. So,

how are we supposed to sneak
into an alt-right cocktail party?

Thought you'd never ask.

Webweaver?

[TONE-LOC: "WILD THING"]

[SNIFFING]

I know you.

Where's the limey?

Don't worry about all
that. I got your medicine.

Usually Beardy McBritish wants
some dirt in exchange, but...

I'm fresh out.

Unless there's another way I can pay?

Wink-wink.

On the house, for being a loyal CI.

[GROANS]

Yo. I'm-I'm, I'm pretty
f*cked up, no cap.

Would you mind doing the honors?

f*ck you mean?

- sh**t it up my pooper, dawg.
- m*therf*cker, you done lost your mind.

There's some lube on the table here.

Squeeze bottle, not the pump.

The blue one on the
right. With the water base.

No f*cking way.

A.G., A.G.

[GROANING]

I'll boof that shit later.

♪ Wild thing, wild thing... ♪

♪ She love to do... ♪

f*ck.

Oh, yeah, really get
it up in there, dawg.

[GRUNTS SOFTLY]

Oh, yo, yo! [SHOUTS]

- What?
- That's my web hole!

Ohh, back up, back it up, back it up.

- Oh. f*ck.
- [GROANING]

- Oh. f*ck.
- Oh. Oh...

All right.

[PANTING]

Ooh.

- [FARTS]
- [GRUNTS]

Oh. Yo. My bad.

Hey.

Uh...

You good?

Want some Purell or... ? Okay,
yep. Coming in. Coming in.

There you go.

Okay.

Ain't enough Purell
in the f*cking world.

How, uh... how long's
he gonna be out for?

With as much Rohypnol I shot
up his ass, at least 48 hours.

Get his pants.

[BEAT-HEAVY MUSIC PLAYING]

[GUESTS CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

[TEK-KNIGHT] There's the big man!

The myth, the legend,
the symbol of America.

- [CHUCKLING]
- [GUESTS CHEERING]

Please. We're all patriots here.

Good evening, sir. How are you?

- This is Ryan, my son.
- [AMBIENT MUSIC PLAYING]

How's that gavel, Mr. Speaker?

Well, it, uh, might've taken 18
rounds of voting, but we got there,

- didn't we?
- [LAUGHS]

You know, sir, it's humbling

to see your commitment to America.

Greatest country on Earth.

Can't wait to see you inherit

- The Seven one of these days.
- [CHUCKLES]

Those are mighty big boots to fill.

Yeah.

[TEK-KNIGHT] Oh, Captain...

my captain.

It is such an honor to have you here.

I mean, the two top heroes together.

Can't you just smell the team-up?

You know, Sage and I might
need you for the moment,

but let's get one thing straight...

there is no team-up.

We're not equals.

You're pathetic.

You can't even fly, for God's sakes.

Come on, buddy.

[TEK-KNIGHT LAUGHING]

Ah! Oh, what a cutup.

♪ ♪

[SAGE] What part of

"you're an idiot child

not welcome at the adult
table" do you not understand?

Oh, I thought you knew everything.

Tek Knight invited me.

We go way back.

It's so good to see you here.

... and The Whole Truth got
picked up for another season on Vought+.

It's a hit.

Must be, if you got all this.

No, you...

you don't get this from
entertainment money.

This is real money.

Eleven generations' money.

Oh.

The Vernon family started
out as sl*ve catchers.

Now we own more private prisons

than any other company in the U.S. of A.

And you sure know how to fill them.

From snout to tail, I catch, house,

and rehab criminals,
and then I catch them

- all over again.
- [LAUGHS]

You know, I bet A-Train here would've
given my great-great-granddaddy

- a run for his money. Ah?
- [FIRECRACKER] Oh.

But we would've caught you.

- [FIRECRACKER] Ooh. [LAUGHS]
- [CHUCKLING]

I guess we'll never know.

[INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING]

[MOTHER'S MILK] Come on out, kid.

[HUGHIE] You guys are gonna laugh.

No one is gonna laugh.

[GROANS]

[RAGGED EXHALE]

- [CHUCKLING]
- Guys, come on. You... you promised.

- [ANNIE] Oh, my God.
- [HUGHIE] Okay, you know what?

Ah!

f*ck you guys.

[COUGHS]

How did a junkie like Webweaver
score an invite to this anyway?

Don't know. But A-Train
said he's on the list.

God, why does he wear
it so tight? [SNIFFS]

Smells like ass sweat
and broken dreams in here.

Good, it'll hide your
scent from Tek Knight.

You don't want to give him any tells.

Wait. Tek Knight has super smell?

Yeah. Smell, vision, taste, touch.

- He's like Sherlock Holmes on meth.
- I don't like this.

He's gonna make Hughie.

[MOTHER'S MILK] How else are we
gonna find out what Sage is cooking?

Just got to work fast, kid.

Take these bugs, put
'em all over the party,

and lure Tek Knight back
here as soon as you can.

- Okay.
- We'll take care of the rest.

[ANNIE] Oh, God.

Okay. Comm check-ins every two minutes.

Just say something, okay?

- Anything.
- Yeah. Copy.

In Webweaver's voice, m*therf*cker.

Uh... [IMITATES WEBWEAVER] Copy, dawg.

Hey...

I'm fine.

All right? Trust me.

[ANNIE] Okay.

Ooh, that is... ripe.

[ELIJAH] Webweaver.

Master Knight's expecting you.

He'll be thrilled.

[CLEARS THROAT] Yeah, uh, so am I, dawg.

f*ck, oh, f*ck. The Seven are here.

[MOTHER'S MILK OVER EARPIECE] Just
hurry up and plant the bugs, Hughie.

- Oh, shit, I'm so sorry. I...
- Jesus f*cking...

Madam...

- Vice President-elect.
- Oh, shit.

[HUGHIE] Uh...

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

Um...

Webweaver.

That's quite a scent.

- Webweaver!
- [EXCLAIMS]

You made it.

Oh, it's so good to meet
you in person. Finally.

Feels like I already know you.

[HUGHIE] Yeah, I know. Me too.

No... cap?

Really, I'm honored that you would
even consider the sidekick gig.

I know it's a big change,
but if tonight goes well...

- ... it's yours.
- Oh.

Uh, w-well, great.

- Mm-hmm.
- Um, that's... great.

Well, you know, I've never
been to an estate before.

- Mm.
- Um, do you guys have stables?

[TEK-KNIGHT LAUGHING]

Let's get the tour started inside.

- Okay? Come on. [CHUCKLES]
- [HUGHIE] Okay. Got it.

[SAGE] What happened to you?

You look like you got ass-f*cked
by the business end of a hammer.

Well, maybe I don't want
to be at this CPAC nightmare

any more than they want me here.

There's gonna be a
little sidebar later on.

One percent of the one percent.

Sage here is going to lube them
up with cognac and Montecristos,

and then convince them to
commit a little high treason.

I'm sorry, what the f*ck?

Why would I expose myself like that?

Because in this room
is 38% of the U.S. GDP.

And if we have a shot in hell

of pulling off the 25th
Amendment, we need them.

Do you want to be el jefe or not?

Good. Now, you're the virgin at prom.

Go get finger-popped.

Oh, hey.

You hear about Stan Edgar?

Well, what about him?

Well, apparently, he
got released from prison.

Hmm. Details are fairly
sketchy as to why.

How. But, yeah, he got out.

Hasn't been seen since.

Well, he's nothing if not slippery.

I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner.

He can't hurt us.

Mm-hmm.

That's why I went to
the Safdies to direct.

[MOTHER'S MILK] Okay, Hughie, check in.

- No more PG-13 bullshit.
- Oh, wow, I love these, uh, these orchid prints

in your... stairway.

Oh, wow.

I love your study. So many books.

[TEK-KNIGHT] Got the original Beecher
Stowe Uncle Tom's Cabin.

- Cool.
- Mm-hmm.

Cool, cool.

Now, look, uh, I don't do this
for just anybody, but, uh...

you want to see the Tek Cave?

The Tek Ca... Uh...

S-Sure, I mean, uh, f*ck yeah, dawg.

Oh, it's one of those pull-the-book,
hidden-elevator-thingies.

Like in my movies.

- [HUGHIE] Like in your movies.
- Shit.

Huh.

[STATIC]

Hughie.

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

[BIRDS FLUTTERING]

Oh, my God.

Uh...

Oh, wow.

[WATER DRIPPING]

This is the Tek Cave. Cool, cool.

[TEK-KNIGHT] Ah, you've met Elijah.

Raised me since I lost my parents.

He's like a dad to me.

Isn't that right, Elijah?

That's correct, Master Knight.

There's nothing greater
than a father's guiding hand.

You know?

That's for sure.

Jesus. You didn't get all the
santorum off the gibbet cage!

It'll be taken care of, sir.

- [GROANS]
- Most certainly.

- [STATIC]
- We got to pull him out.

No, no, no. Look, j-just hold on.

[MUFFLED GROANING]

- Uh...
- [MOANING]

[MOANING]

Who is that?

That's my last sidekick.

[PAINED MOANS]

I don't like liars.

The whole culture down
here is based on trust.

Huh.

[HEART BEATING RAPIDLY]

Are you agitated?

No, I'm fine.

I get it.

This is all a little vanilla for you.

But... don't worry.

Tonight, we're really
gonna push ourselves...

[SHAKY INHALE] ... to your level.

[CHAINS RATTLING]

[LADDIO GRUNTING]

[MUFFLED SPEECH]

[DEEP] Hey. Dude.

Are you f*cking nuts?

Put your mask back on.

G-Get out of his chair.
What are you doing?

You know what's funny? I hate sake.

But I'm supposed to follow some
stupid Black ninja bullshit,

which makes no g*dd*mn
sense, by the way.

You ever meet a Black ninja?

Lower your voice.

There's nobody here.

They left us like babies so
they could go do important stuff.

- We don't matter.
- Hey.

Speak for yourself. I'm
doing a ton of important shit.

Yeah? Like what?

Need-to-know, bro. Need-to-f*cking-know.

f*ck it. I'm done with all this shit.

You're quitting?

What are you gonna do? Seven's
the biggest gig there is.

Look, I don't understand Noir, okay?

You know there was nothing in his closet

but literally like seven file boxes
of shitty Buster Beaver drawings?

Why'd he have that?

Who the f*ck knows or cares?

[SIGHS] I'm going to Missouri tomorrow.

I booked Cirque de Vought's new show,
VIVANT! Music of the Bee Gees.

Three nights a week in Branson.

They're gonna let me fly.

I can fly, did you know that?

Yeah, dude, we all know that. Look,
why didn't you just come to me?

About what?

Seriously? Dude.

[SIGHS] Man, me and the old Noir?

We were like great bros, like real bros.

[SIGHS] Give me this.

[GLASSWARE CLINKING]

Few years ago, Noir cleared out an
entire Indonesian fishing village.

Vought Fresh Farms was expanding
their palm oil plantation,

but the locals were bitching
'cause they needed the river

to survive or whatever the f*ck.

Noir "cancelled" two dozen of 'em.

Came back with a raging
hard-on for a week.

[CHUCKLES]

No, dude, see, what you're not getting

is how horny k*lling made the old Noir.

That was his whole thing.

But I don't really like v*olence.

[INHALES, SIGHS]

Look, I know this is
hard to imagine, but...

some people laugh at me.

[CHUCKLES] It's crazy, right?

Yeah.

But you know what I realized?

When I crush someone's nose
into the back of their skull

or beat 'em so bad that
they'll never walk again?

[CHUCKLES] They're not laughing anymore.

They show respect.

v*olence is power.

I'm starting to get why
it gave Noir so much chub.

- [APP VOICE] Let your intention connect.
- [ANNIE] Oh, something is wrong.

Something is really, really wrong.

We should've never sent him in there.

Everything that's been going
on with his dad, I mean...

f*ck!

- M.M.!
- Annie, I hear you.

But what if we go in there
and we blow that man's cover?

Homelander is in there.

Sage, Firecracker, Neuman.

I'm going in.

Kimiko?

I'm going to move clarity
forward through mindfulness.

[EQUIPMENT RATTLING]

And a g*ng of halothane to go with it.

[BUTCHER RETCHING]

[COUGHING]

[PANTING]

[GRUNTS]

[GROANS]

Are you all right?

I'm fine.

How you chopped off an
innocent man's leg...

... does that sound fine to you?

It's the only way...

I'm gonna get a proper
crack at Homelander.

Have you talked to Ryan?

Are you even trying
to get him out anymore?

Or is... this just the same
old bloodlust all over again?

Jesus Christ, you're
doing me f*cking head in.

I'm trying to save the
bleedin' world here.

Claret's gonna get spilt.

[SIGHS]

I can't do...

what needs to be done
and keep you happy.

[BECCA] Billy, come on.

I mean, "saving the world"? Really?

You're gonna k*ll one Homelander...

... just to end up with another.

[QUIET, HAUNTING MUSIC PLAYING]

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

[DISTANT INDISTINCT CHATTER]

All right, split up,

stay connected, stay
the f*ck out of sight.

Actually, we know if
the r*pe is legitimate.

The woman's body has a way
to reject that pregnancy.

A nationwide ban on
ab*rtion is just good policy.

[GASPING, SCREAMING]

Huh.

Tequila sh*ts. Reposado.
Keep 'em coming.

[CHUCKLES]

I just had ab*rtion
mansplained to me by a guy

who refuses to be alone with
any woman who isn't his wife...

... or mistress.

I don't know. I mean,
cozying up to these people,

you're f*cking asking me
to do the impossible here.

[LIGHT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

[SIGHS] When I was 11,
my grandma was diagnosed

with Stage 3 chronic
lymphocytic leukemia.

God...

She had the biggest laugh,
but she got so small so fast.

She was bed-ridden.

The doctors didn't care about
saving some old ex-Black Panther

and they told my parents
there was nothing to be done.

I stayed up the next three
nights and discovered a cure.

Presented my research to
those satisfied fat crackers,

they patted me on the head, said
I was adorable and laughed at me.

Grandma died screaming in pain.

I could cure cancer,
reverse global warming,

but what's the point?

Humans are animals.

And the lines at Voughtland
are too long as it is.

Why are you telling me this?

Because you remember what it's like,

being a little girl who
no one f*cking listens to.

And because f*ck them all.

The only way women like us have
ever gotten what we deserved...

... one hand in their pockets while
the other slits their f*cking throats.

Now... [SIGHS]

You in or out?

[MUFFLED] Mm. Oh.

It's a great party, huh?

Y'all see all the free shrimp they got?

Firecracker, it's kind
of a private conversation.

But I'm sure the bar has
some SunnyD and Everclear.

[HOMELANDER] Where is our host?

Mm. I have not seen him in a while.

- [GERRY RAFFERTY: "BAKER STREET"]
- ♪ Happy ♪

♪ Just one more year... ♪

[ELIJAH] Master Knight.

[TEK-KNIGHT] It's your
favorite. German chocolate.

For the texture against
the bare cheeks, right?

[CHUCKLES]

♪ ♪

[MOANING]

- Okay. Go.
- Okay. Uh...

Okay.

- [GRUNTS]
- [TEK-KNIGHT] Sit.

[HUGHIE GRUNTS]

Mm-hmm.

[TEK-KNIGHT] Yeah.

[HUGHIE] Like this?

Yeah.

Moosh it.

[STRAINING] Now...

fart.

Oh, that's... That's
okay, I don't really...

[CHUCKLES] I don't really have to, dawg.

♪ About buying some land ♪

♪ He's gonna give up the booze
and the one-night stands... ♪

Yeah, I mean, I'm fine, though.

This is fine.

[GRUNTING]

[GASPING]

[FARTING]

Oh, that's f*cking hot.

♪ Oh, you're never
gonna stop moving... ♪

Ugh. You started without me?

[TEK-KNIGHT] No, no, no, no.

You are just in time.

[ASHLEY LAUGHS]

[BOTH MOAN]

I left a present for
you in the changing room.

- Mm.
- And no, it's not scat.

- This time. [CHUCKLES]
- [MOANS]

♪ You're goin' ♪

♪ You're goin' home ♪

[TEK-KNIGHT] Webweaver,

clean up.

We are just getting started.

[HUGHIE] Oh, man.

[DOOR OPENS IN DISTANCE]

[DOOR CLOSES]

[KESSLER] Oh, g*dd*mn.

You really do look like warmed-up shit.

Oh, go f*ck yourself.

Already did. Twice today.

Look at how my hand cramped up.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

You know, we got to give Sameer credit.

Little fucker's a tough nut.

He'll crack.

Ain't got no choice.

None of us do.

What's that supposed to mean?

[EXHALES]

[SIGHS]

Man, you want to know
what was harder for me

than going off on that last tour?

Coming home.

Applebee's with Tanya.

Helping Joe Jr. with his trig.

f*cking towel shopping.

- [SCOFFS]
- [CHUCKLES]

Everywhere I looked, I saw the faces,

the ruined faces of those men that
you and me tortured and k*lled.

But see, I just... I couldn't square up

who I was at home with
the shit that I'd done.

And then, one night, over...

boneless f*cking buffalo chicken wings,

it came to me.

Crystal.

That guy that was taking out the trash

and watching SportsCenter,
that wasn't me.

The real me?

The real me likes to hear them scream.

So, now, tell me, Billy...

who's the real you?

[CHRISTOPHER CROSS: "SAILING"]

♪ Sailing takes me away... ♪

[HUGHIE] Should we
get back to the party?

Oh, this is the party, baby.

When that shit upstairs is over,
the real movers will come down here.

They'll want to play with you, too.

♪ Just a dream and the wind... ♪

[LAUGHS]

♪ Soon I will be free... ♪

[LAUGHING]

I'm gonna sit my swollen clit
on your stupid masked face

and piss like a skunk,

- and I just had asparagus.
- [GRUNTS SOFTLY]

You want that.

[HUGHIE] Yes?

- Yes.
- [SCREAMING]

I said, you want that, Pain sl*t.

Yes! Yes, Mistress... [SCREAMS]

[LAUGHING]

I'm gonna bite your
d*ck off and cook it.

I am 100% a cannibal.

[HUGHIE SCREAMS] Stop! No more. Uncle.

♪ Sailing... ♪

If Webweaver wants you to
stop, he'll use his safe word.

♪ To where I've always
heard it could be... ♪

[HUGHIE GRUNTS]

[LAUGHS]

[ASHLEY] I'm gonna
feel your pink assh*le

around my wrist until you shit.

- [HUGHIE] Spiderweb!
- What?

[HUGHIE] Oh, sorry, sorry.

I just like to shout stuff
out while I'm being tickled.

I'm so f*cking turned on right now.

[GRUNTS]

- [LAUGHS]
- Yes.

[HUGHIE SHRIEKING]

Yeah.

Oh, it's getting pretty
swampy down there.

[HUGHIE] Tarantula!

[EXHALES]

[SNIFFLES]

[BOTH GASP]

The f*ck?

I'm not here for you...

Oh, I don't give two
shits what you're here for.

Oh, I should call Homelander right
now to come and laser your tits off.

f*ck.

Why don't you come over here and
try and sucker punch me now, b*tch?

Look, you were right.

No, don't go trying to apologize to me.

I'm about to change your f*cking life.

I'm sorry for what I did
to you when we were kids...

Let me guess, that was Starlight, right?

- And that's not you anymore?
- No. No.

I tried to run away from Starlight,
tried to leave her behind,

like she was a different
person, but she's me.

She's all me, and I said

those f*cking awful,
awful things to you.

And if I'm being honest, to other
girls too, and I... [INHALES]

Look, it doesn't forgive you for
being a c**t for what you did.

But for my end of things...

... I'm sorry.

I am. I am so sorry.

[GASPS]

You f*cking whore.

[PANTING]

- [ASHLEY] Oh, John Henry!
- [AMERICA: "YOU CAN DO MAGIC"]

[MOANING]

♪ Anything that you desire... ♪

[CLAPPING]

[HUGHIE MOANING]

♪ You're the one who can
put out the fire... ♪

Mmm.

♪ When you cast your spell... ♪

God, you still got it, Mommy.

You still got it.

[EXHALES]

Why don't you go get changed, huh?

Head back upstairs,
replenish your fluids?

I'll be there in a minute.

Yes.

[HUGHIE MUMBLES]

Oh, thank you so much.

I'm fine. Everything's fine.

[GROANS SOFTLY]

You having a good time?

[HUGHIE] Oh, yeah.

- Yeah?
- Yeah. Just so much dried cum.

You just, uh,

you tap my undies, they'll
shatter like peanut brittle, man.

[GROANS]

Hey, so, did I get the gig?

♪ With a word, you dry my tears... ♪

[HUGHIE GRUNTS] Damn it.

[TEK-KNIGHT] Just one last thing.

What's your safe word?

[HUGHIE] Uh...

Uh, you know, uh, I'm actually,
I'm probably gonna save that

for something I-I really can't
handle, but yeah, I'm good.

You're trembling.

- [HUGHIE] Mm-mm.
- Your body's riddled by horripilation.

Come on.

It's the thing that you love the most.

Say it.

[HUGHIE] Lube?

[SHOUTING]

[PANTING]

I know you. You're Hughie Campbell.

- f*ck!
- This is actually great news.

Not only am I gonna get
points for catching you,

but before I let the big guy
know that you're down here...

Wait, wait, wait a
minute, wait a minute,

wait a minute, wait a
minute, wait a minute, um...

you were, hey, you were
my favorite hero as a kid.

Okay? You don't want to do this.

Everybody always has the same holes.

Over and over again,

- it gets so f*cking boring.
- Please, I looked up to you.

[TEK-KNIGHT] Sometimes,

you just got to make your own.

And then f*ck them.

[STRAINING]

No! [SCREAMS]

Where's Annie?

Hughie said orchids, right?

- [GASPS]
- Ah. Don't you f*cking move.

Kimiko, find Tek-Knight's stupid
f*cking secret passage book.

All I have to do is scream.

Be the last thing you do.

You're smart, but you ain't bulletproof.

But if you k*ll me, you'd
have to look Janine in the eye.

I said stop f*cking moving.

Doesn't she have enough problems?

- Expelled.
- [BOOKS THUMPING]

Told a boy to "eat a bag of dicks"

and then broke his arm?

- You've been watching my daughter?
- I mean, she gets that from you.

Chip off the old block.

- Shut the f*ck up.
- She has anger issues.

Early signs of OCD. You see that, right?

I said shut up.

You've cursed the poor girl.

No.

[INHALES RAGGEDLY]

[HIGH-PITCHED RINGING]

[DARK MUSIC PLAYING]

[MAN] Look, this is a
white, Christian nation

founded on white, Christian values.

Church and state are the same thing.

And we need Supreme Court justices
who will protect our values,

no matter how much they cost.

[SMOOTH JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

Y'all are supposed to be undercover.

What the f*ck did you do?

Shit. Damn.

Oh, f*ck no. I'm not taking him.

You're gonna get me m*rder*d.

Just try it, b*tch.

[SCOFFS]

Get the door.

[ANNIE] M.M.?

What the hell just happened?

- [10CC: "THE THINGS WE DO FOR LOVE"]
- ♪ Ooh, you made me love you ♪

♪ Ooh... ♪

[GRUNTS]

[WHIMPERING]

[TEK-KNIGHT] No matter what happens,

I want you to keep fighting.

[SCREAMING]

[ELEVATOR BELL CHIMES]

♪ Agree to disagree ♪

♪ But disagree to part... ♪

[ANNIE] Oh, my God.

Hughie. Hughie. Are you okay?

Hey, hey, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.

Oh, f*ck. You're okay.

[EMT] Hey!

Do me a favor, just go wait
over here, okay? Good boy.

- What is going on?
- Hmm?

Tek-Knight, A-Train,
Firecracker, they're all M.I.A.,

and where the f*ck have you been?

I once ate a whole bag of candy corns.

What?

In my mouth.

- I ate them.
- Sage, what the f*ck...

[DARK MUSIC PLAYING]

What happened to you?

Brain damage.

But now, I could really
go for a Crunchwrap Supreme

and a Sybian.

Hey, hey, hey. Look at me.

- Hmm?
- Get a grip on yourself right now.

Get a f*cking grip. Right
now. Come on, come on.

[MOUTHS]

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

[HIGH-PITCHED RINGING]

[RINGING FADES]

f*ck it. I'll do it myself.

Folks.

Thank you for coming.

I'm sure you're wondering
why we pulled you aside,

so let's get right to it.

[SIGHS]

I think we can all
agree that Robert Singer

is the greatest threat
this nation has ever faced.

He is going to destroy
this whole country.

You all met Ryan, my son.

For his sake, I cannot and I will not

- let that stand.
- Does she agree?

[HOMELANDER] Of course. Especially her.

She's not just eye candy.

No, no, Victoria here,

she's an integral part of the plan.

She sees up close what a doddering sl*ve

to the woke mob Singer really is.

How great the threat really is.

So once he's in office, we need to act.

We need to invoke the
Twenty-fifth Amendment.

You're-you're talking about a coup.

No, I'm not.

I'm talking about saving this country.

Before Singer replaces us

with a bunch of transgender
illegals that will do everything...

Save the boogeyman shit
for the idiots watching VNN.

How do you propose to handle
the Justice Department?

Well, they will all...

be our appointees.

Obviously.

- And the military's reaction?
- Or OPEC.

How you gonna guarantee
our oil reserves?

Of course there's gonna
be some birth pangs...

The shock to the markets would be total.

And what happens if civil
servants resign en masse?

With all due respect, sir,

I think you got a little
hitch in your giddy-up.

Who's handling all this?

[STAMMERS] Great question.

This is great. Great questions.

Truly. And, um, uh,

Sage. Sage, um...

... has the details.

Mmm.

[OTHERS MURMURING]

Who's handling all this?

Me.

I f*cking am.

[CHUCKLES] Look, I'm
sure you're all wondering

why I'm here tonight,
instead of rimming out AOC,

while shouting, "Defund the
police," up her assh*le. [CHUCKLES]

But I'm here tonight

to tell you the truth.

The truth is America is not a democracy.

The word "democracy"
makes people feel safe.

But the founders never trusted
the masses, because the truth is,

the masses are f*cking stupid.

Anyone who owns a
"Live, Laugh, Love" mug

shouldn't have a say
in how a country is run.

People are a labor force

that need a kind, but firm hand.

There are no nations.
There's Apple, Exxon

and Berkshire Hathaway.

Corporations are the
real superpowers here.

You should be able to operate
without any regulation or restriction

whatsoever. After all,
you're billionaires.

You are smart enough
to know what's best.

Bottom line?

You support me, and that
is what you'll f*cking get.

Hear, hear.

- Hear, hear.
- Hear, hear.

[SIGHS]

[MAN] Seems pretty solid.

[TENSE MUSIC PLAYS]

[TOTO: "ROSANNA"]

♪ Meet you all the way ♪

♪ Rosanna ♪

♪ Meet you all the way... ♪

I've dreamt of having you
down here to humiliate,

- Starlight.
- You've been secretly meeting with Sage.

Why?

You're all so f*cking dead
when Homelander comes down here.

Do you know how f*cking
dead you all are?

[LAUGHING]

Mm.

[SCREAMS] Ow!

[GRUNTS] Ow!

f*ck!

Yeah.

Oh, f*cking hurt me.

Oh!

[MOANING]

Oh, yeah.

Squeeze my balls, come on.

- Squeeze 'em.
- How do you t*rture a masochist?

♪ Rosanna... ♪

[SHOUTING]

Laddio, get help, boy!

♪ Meet you all the way ♪

♪ Rosanna ♪

♪ Now she's gone and I have to stay... ♪

It's...

all of his bank accounts.

Just needs a retinal scan.

Wait, what are you doing? No, no.

No, no, no. Don't you f*cking dare!

No. Ow!

[GRUNTS]

[AUTOMATED VOICE] Access granted.

[GRUNTS] f*ck.

Okay. All right, let's see, how do you

hurt a billionaire?

How about...


Super PAC, how's that sound?

No! f*ck you. I'll k*ll you.

And 65 million to...

the Innocence Project.

Whore. You skunk p*ssy b*tch!

I'll f*cking make you hurt.

I swear to f*cking God.

f*ck you.

f*ck.

- Ready to talk?
- Eat shit!



No, not those people! f*ck you!

f*ck y... No! No, wait!

Wait, oh, uh, uh...

[STAMMERING]

They made me a deal, okay? [STAMMERS]

What deal?

He'll f*cking m*rder me.

[WHIMPERING]

Do it.

No, please, please, please!

To use my prisons.

My prisons.

Homelander and Sage, they,

they need places across
the country to put their...

dissidents. [STAMMERS]

Look, I don't know anything else.

Okay? That's all.

He's talking about internment camps.

[COMPUTER TRILLING]

- [TEK-KNIGHT STRAINING]
- [ANNIE] Hey!

- Stop! What are you... ?
- Step back!

Now!

I raised this...

entitled piece of shit

from a little boy.

I listened to him moan about his career.

I cleaned cum

out of too many g*dd*mn holes

to count.

But prison camps?

Go.

We'll make it look like an accident.

He always admired David Carradine.

Thank you.

♪ Meet you all the way... ♪

[ELIJAH] Zendaya.

The safe word.

It was "Zendaya."

♪ Rosanna ♪

[MOTHER'S MILK] Heart attack, huh?

How bad is it, Doc?

Not quite.

Panic attack.

Folks mix it up all the time.

Consider this the
universe's warning, Mr. Milk.

Whatever you're doing, stop it.

Take some downtime now.

Before you really have a heart attack.

[PHONE CHIMES]

[SIGHS]

Ma'am.

I'm sorry, but I just don't think
your inmate wants to see you.

[SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ ♪

[DOOR CLOSES]

[FOOTFALLS ECHO]

[HOMELANDER] Where were you last night?

Starlight was at the mansion.

What?

I chased her outside,

but the b*tch got away.

She did?

Tek-Knight's dead.

Probably Starlight
and her friends did it.

- [SCOFFS]
- How do you think

they knew about the party?

Cameron Coleman wasn't the leak.

So either Sage was lyin' to you,

or she's as useless as tits on a mouse.

I mean, f*ck.

I heard about her
performance last night, sir.

- I just want you to know that I would...
- So...

You're the one who
let Starlight get away.

So how do I know that
you're not the leak?

When you found me...

my podcast had...

I don't know, a couple
hundred fans. [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

You know, folks laughed.

Now I'm the f*cking anchor

at VNN.

With millions of followers.

And they ain't laughin' no more.

- I really don't care...
- Please! Just let me finish.

Now I have spent...

... my whole life

on the outside, looking in.

It was you...

... who threw that
door open for me, sir.

You brought me in.

God, you have given me...

... everything.

You...

are everything

to me.

Uh...

What are you doing?

I am not sexually attracted to you.

No, this ain't about sex.

No, this?

This is about loyalty.

[HOMELANDER MOANS]

But you're not pregnant.

There's, um,

a long regimen of
dr*gs a person can take

to make it happen.

It enlarges the heart
just a tiny little bit.

You did this for me?

I'd do anything for you.

Anything.

- That's my boy.
- [HOMELANDER MOANS]

That's my good little boy.

Mm.

[NEUMAN] Anyone who owns
a "Live, Laugh, Love" mug

shouldn't have a say in
how a country is run.

People are a labor force.

They need a kind but firm hand...

[ANNIE] Do you think
Vicky knows about the...

internment camps?

Christ. I knew shit was bad.

I just did not know how bad.

[NEUMAN] ... any regulation
or restriction whatsoever...

Ashley rubbed one out
while she tickled my feet.

She said so many horrible things.

Oh, my God. Hughie.

What else did she do to you?

I'm not fine.

I'm really not fine.

I miss him, Annie. I miss my dad.

Oh, Hughie.

I'm so sorry. It's okay.

I'm so sorry.

[BREATHING SHAKILY]

[WHEELS ROLLING]

[KESSLER] Well, looky here.
Christmas came early, Sameer.

Nicked it off a French bloke.

Should be enough to get you started.

[COUGHING]

I won't do it.

The f*ck you won't.

Do what you want to me, but I ca...

I can't do this for you.

Listen.

One dose.

Strong enough to top Homelander.

And then you can go
back to what's her name.

And you don't got to see me no more.

But this first.

You don't understand.

I can't.

It's what we realized in the lab.

To make the virus strong
enough to k*ll Homelander

would evolve it into something unstable.

What do you mean, unstable?

Airborne.

Highly contagious.

Super lethal.

No one with Compound V in
their bloodstream would be safe.

A global f*cking pandemic.

We're not just talking
about k*lling Homelander.

We're talking about
k*lling every Supe on earth.

That's Annie, Kimiko.

- Ryan.
- [SAMEER] Vicky.

Zoe.

I'm sorry.

But when they say shit's
falling into the wrong hands...

... they mean your hands.

[SNIFFLES, WHIMPERS]

[KESSLER] This is beyond
our wildest dreams.

Man, dude just gave
us the silver b*llet.

We can wipe them all out.

[BECCA] Billy, you
cannot go along with this.

Listen, mate, no one

ever said nothing about genocide.

- Is that a f*cking joke?
- He's insane.

[KESSLER] Who was it that
said, "They all got to go"?

"Every f*cking last one of 'em."

[BECCA] He's talking
about m*rder, Billy.

- Of thousands.
- Think how much better the world would be.

And a lot of them are
innocent, okay? I know you...

Shut your f*cking cake hole, b*tch!

Wait a minute... [STAMMERS]

You can see her?

What the f*ck's that
supposed to mean, you're me?

I mean, out of all the f*cking people

that your festering f*cked-up
brain could've conjured up,

you picked me.

The real Joe Kessler?

He's dead in the Panjshir
Valley, m*therf*cker.

You never dragged me out.

You left me to die.

I'll be back at the head
of the table in no time.

No.

We'll get Ryan's head
clear, and that's it.

f*ck all this cloak and dagger shite.

It's bloody freezing out here.

We'll patch you up right as rain.

No. No.

No, I'd remember that.

I'd f*cking remember that.

[KESSLER] Unless of course
you've got a big, old,

fat, V'd-up brain tumor, you c**t.

Which is why you are seeing
me in the first place.

[KESSLER] I k*lled Ezekiel for you.

I am inside of you.

I am you.

Which is why when I tell
you you want to do this,

I am literally telling you

that you f*cking want to do this.

So don't you worry, Billy, my boy.

Daddy's home.

[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪