01x65 - Gunfight at the Okie-Doke Corral

[bunniefuu]

Ah-hyuck!

♪ H-h-h-hit it ♪

♪ Like father, like son ♪

♪ You're always number one ♪

[both] Yes!

♪ There's buddies
There's pals ♪

Yeah!

♪ You always seem to work things out ♪

♪ Can't you see you're two of a kind ♪

♪ Lookin' for a real good time ♪

Whoa!

♪ A real good time ♪

Aah!

♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪

♪ And we'll always stick together ♪

♪ Always stick together ♪

♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ The best of friends forever ♪

♪ Side by side wherever we go ♪

♪ We're always ready to roll ♪

♪ Now gimme a beat ♪

♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ And we always stick together ♪

Gawrsh!

♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ The best of friends forever ♪

♪ Now we're calling everyone ♪

♪ Come along and join the fun ♪

♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪

♪ Baa ba doo da bop baa ba doo bop ♪

Yeah!

[birds twittering]

[dog barks]

Shh!

[wood creaking]

-Max, they're here!
-Uh-oh.

[gulps]

Your new glasses!

Oh, let's just send them back, okay?

I don't need glasses.

But, Max, the eye doctor says you got

temporary atigma--uh--stigma-

You got eye strain, Max.

A mistake! A clerical error!

Oh, I don't think so.

He says it's from too many video games.

Six straight hours of laser burn,

seven million points,
and a new Spoonerville world record.

Well, Maxie, you only gotta
wear them a couple of weeks

till your vision gets back to normal.

Pop, really! I can see clear as a bell!

See you later! I'm going next
door to hang with Peej.

Whatcha ya doing in the closet, Max?

I was just looking for,
uh, this tennis racquet.

-Whoa!
-Hey, look out!

Whew!

You don't like your glasses,
do you, Maxie?

Like 'em? Only geeks
and nerds wear glasses,

and everybody picks on 'em
and call 'em four-eyes.

I wanna show you something.

[straining]

Stuck.

Come on, little feller.

-I won't hurt you.
-[crashing]

Ah-hyuck! Got it!

No, Pop! Not that!

Aww, please?

I'll do the dishes, the laundry, anything!

Just not... the album.

Now, Max, the family photo
album's nothing to sneeze at.

[sneezes]

[crashing]

Well, that's a pall on the family tree.

Ah-hyuck!

Max, I wanna tell you a story

about a hero who wore glasses--

Your great, great, great grandpa,

Mopalong Goofy.

It all right started the day
Mopalong first rode into

Dodgeball City.

I've come to clean up this town.

Howdy, stranger.

You the new sheriff?

Oh, heck, no. I'm the new janitor.

They call me Mopalong Goofy.

Fastest broom in the west.

-[coughing]
-[blows]

That's some mighty fancy
broom work, Mopalong.

-Well, thanks.
-The name's Fester Swollen,

and I'd like to shake your hand.

Shake a leg is more like it.

Lot of dirt on this street.

[groans] That's on account of
it's a dirt road, Mopalong.

That's no excuse for untidiness.

Morning, ma'am. Nice hat.

So you see, Max,

Mopalong Goofy had a stigma-- [stammers]

...was nearsighted just like you.

Of course, in his case,
it wasn't just temporary.

Great story, Pop. A real heart-stopper.

Well, gotta run, have to
organize my sock drawer.

Wait, there's more.

I tingle with anticipation.

Mopalong Goofy swept
and polished that whole town

till it sparkled like
a brand new spittoon.

Well, howdy there horsy. Ah-hyuck!

Hungry?

Guess not.

You ought think about having
that goatee trimmed.

-[horse whinnies]
-Pardon me, stranger.

I'm Isadore Eyesore, eye doctor.

I, janitor!

No you don't understand.

-I'm an optometrist.
-Don't blame you.

I always try and look
on the bright side myself.

No, no, no. [chuckles]

I'm an eye specialist,

and you, my friend, need glasses.

Glasses? That's just plumb loco.

I can see clear as a--

See what I mean?

No, of course, you don't.

And you won't till you get glasses.

My card. Call me anytime night or day.

Forget it! Only tinhorns
and carpetbaggers wear glasses,

and everyone picks on 'em
and call 'em Four-eyes.

See? That's what I've been
trying to tell you, Pop!

Real men don't wear glasses.

Now don't jump to confusions, Max.

There's more to this story
than meets the eye.

Ah-hyuck!

[hesitates] Luck 7 salon?

Dangnabbit, Miss Lily.

I been soaking long enough.

All I wanted was a trim.

Gawrsh, Fester.

This where all the cowboys go
every afternoon?

Yep. This here local salon
is the only hangout we got.

Well, then you ought to keep it clean.

Saloon? Whoa! Hey, doggy!

Listen up, boys! This ain't a salon!

It's a saloon!

-[cheering]
-[g*nf*re]

No more manicures!

No more facials!

[crowd clamoring]

[woman]
He's coming! Mark my words.

Pecos Pete's coming to town!

You gotta do something
to protect us, Mayor Baba.

Oh, now, citizens!

Please, please!

I know as well as you
that every six months

Pecos Pete comes to town
and sh**t the new sheriff.

Except this time we don't
have a new sheriff.

And that's gonna make Pete mad.

Believe me, I'd like nothing
more than to hire a sheriff

for Pecos Pete to sh**t.

Trouble is, nobody left
in town's stupid enough to take the job.

I stand corrected.

Congratulations, my boy!

You're the new sheriff of Dodgeball City.

Me? Sheriff?

Gawrsh!

Are you making this up, Dad?

Come on, Max.

Who could make up anything this goofy?

So what happened
to the last sheriff, Fester?

-On to Boot Hill.
-Good for him.

There's no business
like the shoe business.

No, uh, don't understand.

He's gone to the last roundup.

Oh, doing some cattle driving, huh?

No! He was shot dead by Pecos Pete!

Same as happened to all the others.

-Others?
-Yep!

If I was you and that no-good
avocado showed up right now,

know what I'd say?

What's that, Fester?

I don't want to die! Please, Mr. Pete,
I don't want to die.

Oh, please, please, please! [sobbing]

But don't worry, Sheriff.

Pete headed south.

I don't suspect he'll be
back this way again.

"Pecos Pete heading for town
to m*rder sheriff.

Have a nice day."

Uh... [clears throat]

Time to start worrying, Sheriff.

Pecos Pete is heading this way.

Pecos Pete's heading this way.

-Hold it, Pop?
-Huh?

This was supposed to be a story
about a hero who wore glasses.

Well, it is, Max.

But Mopalong didn't wear glasses,
and he got to be sheriff, right?

Well, yeah. I mean, no.

I'm mean, I'm getting to that part, Max.

Okay? Uh-huh.
Pecos Pete's heading this way!

Oh, and me not knowing
a thing about sherriffing.

Oh, yeah.

You might wanna check that top drawer--

[narrator] How to be a sheriff.

Ah-hyuck! That's me.

Oh, the sheriff, bastion of law and order

in the early west.

The sheriff relies on rapid reflexes

and keen eyesight.

Therefore, if you're having
trouble reading this,

you probably need glasses!

Gawrsh!

Now, where did I put that card?

Found it! Ah-hyuck!

Ah, Sheriff, I'm glad you
finally decided to see me...

So to speak. [chuckles]

Now, please read
the top line of the chart.

Okey-doke. What chart?

Hmm. There, I'll start you out.

[reading]

Continue.

Gawrsh!

♪ With a woof-woof here
And a woo-woof there ♪

♪ Here a woof, there a woof ♪

♪ Everywhere a woof-woof ♪

Now, we're gonna fit you
with some nice glasses.

That's too presidential.

Too palm beach.

[chuckles] Definitely not.

Close but no cigar.

Perfect!

Gawrsh! Everything's in focus.

The eye chart and the furniture and--

[gasps] Who's that handsome guy
in the glasses?

-That's you!
-Gawrsh!

-Thanks, doc!
-Yeah, thanks.

Now, I won't go tripping
over things all the time.

[screams]

[thud]

[horse neighs]

Well, after all, they're glasses,
not a brain transplant.

[narrator]
Chapter two-- [clears throat]

The roping, the rustler.

Holding the lasso or lariat
firmly in one hand,

the sheriff waves his arm
in a circular motion.

Faster and faster he twirls,

his strong arm of the law flinging wide,

his rawhide rope of justice

never tiring, ever vigilant,

his steely eyes searching the horizon for

the ever-present rustler.

[screams]

Only if no rustlers are sighted

does the sheriff know it is safe to stop.

I said stop!

[screaming]

[body thuds]

Chapter six--

saddling up the horse.

[groans]

The western saddle, a marvelous invention

of finely tooled leather.

Perfectly balanced. As light as a feather.

Melding rider and horse into one machine

with the finely-tuned
reflexes of a bobcat.

[thud]

Ah-hyuck!

[clears throat]

Even a bobcat needs a bath
once in a while.

Now, while all this was going on,

Pecos Pete was getting closer and closer.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch,

or should I say the lucky seven saloon,

Mopalong was having himself
a nice cool sarsaparilla

when suddenly...

[screams]

Hey! How come every time
I walk into a saloon,

the music stops?

Come here, Lily.
Give Pecos Pete a little smooch.

Whoa! Wowee! What's your cologne called?
Six days in the saddle?

Ah-hyuck!

[Pecos Pete]
Oh, wise guy, eh?

What are you laughing at, pilgrim?

Ah-hyuck! Six days in the saddle.

-I gotta remember that one.
-[Pecos Pete] Listen, you greenhorn.

You better-- Well, now...

If it ain't the new sheriff.

Time to trip the light fantastic, tinhorn!

-Huh?
-Dance!

Oh, golly, thanks, but I think I'll sit
this one out.

Gotta a couple of bunions,
and you actually do smell pretty bad--

[laughing]

[laughing]

[laughing]

-Hey!
-Shall we dip?

Who you calling a dip?

This must be one of them
new fangled dance steps, huh?

Sheriff!

I'm calling you out!

Now, Pete, just 'cause I danced with you

doesn't mean you can run my life.

Meet me at high noon
at the Okeydoke Corral.

Okey-doke.

Seems like a real nice feller.

Don't you know who that was?

-Dance instructor?
-Pecos Pete.

-The outlaw.
-He is?

Who are you, the tailor?

No, I'm the undertaker.

Do you prefer a pine box
or something in spruce? [chuckles]

[Goofy] Well, Max, the sun
was blazing high in the sky.

the clock tower said
ten minutes till noon.

Mopalong Goofy headed
for his last roundup--

The gunfight at the Okeydoke Corral.

-You're late!
-I got lost.

Your directions were terrible.

You ready to gunfight?

Gunfight? Sure.

Just let me review
that chapter real quick.

g*n slinging...

[muttering] Oh, here we go!

-g*n fighting!
-[Pecos Pete] Gimme that!

You don't need no book.

Oh, sure I do.
That's why I got the glasses.

Glasses? Real men don't wear glasses!

Hey! Give those back!

Oops.

Aww, they got all broke.

But how am I gonna know what
to do if I can't read the book?

You just listen to old Pecos Pete.

We walk ten paces,
turn around and sh**t, got that?

Almost.

What was that third part
after we turn around?

sh**t!

Okey-doke.

Not yet. First we walk ten paces, see?

But you told me to--

I know what I told you!
Now do what I'm telling you!

Sorry. It's my first fight to the death.

Ah-hyuck!

Get moving.

One, two, three, four--

[Goofy] Five, six, seven--

Eight, nine--

Hey, where'd that idjit go?

Psst. Hey, stranger,

you seen Pecos Pete?

-Yeah.
-Where?

Right here!

[g*nshots]

Whew!

[g*ns cock]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

I'm being riddled by b*ll*ts.

Oh, sheriff! Is that you?

-Yup!
-[g*nf*re]

[clicking]

[rattling]

Uh-oh! Out of b*ll*ts!

Come on out, you liver-bellied coward!

I'm really in a pickle now.

Hope these are the high-caliber 'cukes.

-[groans] Gherkins! I hate gherkins!
-[g*nsh*t]

I got it! I got it!

[overlapping shouts]

[overlapping shouts]

Okay, Pete! Reach for the sky!

Sure that pickle's loaded, sheriff?

[laughing]

Say hasta la vista, Mopalong!

Well, ouchy!

Say!

All right, Pete!

You better give it up.

I don't need a g*n
to beat the likes of you.

I like a dead man with a sense of humor.

-[cries out]
-[b*ll*ts firing]

[expl*si*n]

[expl*si*n]

Well, Pecos Pete,

looks my four eyes beat your six-g*ns.

Ah-hyuck!

[slams]

Oh, you're not leaving us,
are you, Mopalong?

Yep. My work here is done.

Oh, it can't be true!

Please don't go, my little pumpernickel!

Oh, I got to, Miss Lily.

A lot more towns need cleaning up.

Y'all can take care of yourselves now.

-Bye-bye!
-So long!

[harmonizing] ♪ Bye-bye ♪

And Mopalong Goofy rolled off
into the sunset, Max.

But that wasn't the last of him.

He went on to bigger and better things.

He later won the Stanley Cup,

discovered break dancing,

healed up and taught Beethoven
the nose flute.

[sighs] What do you think
about wearing glasses now, Max?

Well...

-Wow!
-Gawrsh.

Wait'll Peej gets a load of these babies!

[Goofy] Whoa! Max! Max, wait a second!

Max!

Max!

♪ Gimme a beat ♪

[theme music playing]

Yeah!