BY: TERENCE DUDLEY
Part One
Original Air Date: 1 March 1982
Running time: 24:56
NYSSA: Where are we?
ADRIC: Earth again.
TEGAN: I did say I wanted to stay with the crew for a while. You can stop trying to get me back to Heathrow.
DOCTOR: I have.
TEGAN: You certainly know how to fly this crate, don't you.
DOCTOR: What's the matter, old girl? Why this compulsion for planet Earth?
NYSSA: What is this place?
DOCTOR: A railway station.
TEGAN: Ah, but when?
DOCTOR: Three o'clock, June the 11th, 1925.
TEGAN: I haven't been born yet.
DOCTOR: It's interesting, isn't it. And no jet lag. Shall we go outside?
NYSSA: You think that wise, considering what we've just done to London?
DOCTOR: Oh, that would have happened if we'd been there or not. All part of Earth's history.
NYSSA: I hope you're right.
TEGAN: Well, I'd like to take a look.
DOCTOR: Come on.
ADRIC: So what is a railway station?
DOCTOR: Well, a place where one embarks and disembarks from compartments on wheels, drawn along these rails by a steam engine. Rarely on time.
NYSSA: What a very silly activity.
DOCTOR: You think so? As a boy I always wanted to drive one.
TANNER: Good afternoon, sir. I'm Tanner, Lord Cranleigh's chauffeur.
DOCTOR: Lord Cranleigh?
TANNER: Yes, sir.
DOCTOR: We're expected?
TANNER: Oh yes, sir. You are the Doctor?
DOCTOR: Indeed.
NYSSA: May I ask what you're staring at?
TANNER: I'm sorry, miss.
TANNER: Please, sir, if you don't mind. The game's already started. His lordship won the toss and decided to bat first to give you time to get here. That train's always slate.
DOCTOR: That's very thoughtful of his Lordship.
TANNER: Er, yes, sir. But I do think we should hurry. His lordship is a first class bat, but I'm not quite sure how strong his support is this year.
DOCTOR: Come on, you lot.
TEGAN: Now what? Where are we going?
DOCTOR: To a cricket match.
TEGAN: Why?
DOCTOR: Why not?
STATIONMASTER: It's out here on the platform.
STATIONMASTER: Here, what do you make of that, Constable? [/i]
CHARLES: Ah, there you are, man, good. I'm Cranleigh. Didn't expect four of you.
CHARLES: Good lord. Er, I'm so sorry. Do forgive me for staring. You look exactly like my fiancée. It's quite uncanny.
DOCTOR: This is Nyssa.
CHARLES: You must meet her.
DOCTOR: And Adric and Tegan.
CHARLES: How do you do. Well, you'd better pad up, Doctor. Got your gear?
DOCTOR: Ah, I regret I have none.
CHARLES: No matter, I'll fix you up. We're taking a terrible thrashing. 54 for 8. I made a duck.
CHARLES: Smutty said he'd send a useful bat.
DOCTOR: Smutty?
CHARLES: Smutty Thomas. Oh, don't you call him Smutty at Guys?
DOCTOR: Er, no, as a matter of fact.
CHARLES: Oh, he was Smutty at school. Now, the wicket's very green, the ball's keeping low. Any good with the ball?
DOCTOR: Not bad.
CHARLES: Good. Medium pace? Slow?
DOCTOR: Fast.
CHARLES: Top hole.
CHARLES: Good luck, old boy.
DOCTOR: Middle stump!
CHARLES: Well played, sir.
CHARLES: Splendid!
CHARLES: Mother, may I introduce Tegan and Adric.
LADY CRANLEIGH: How do you do? What enchanting names.
CHARLES: And this is Nyssa.
LADY CRANLEIGH: How extraordinary!
CHARLES: Yes, isn't it.
LADY CRANLEIGH: Worcestershire.
CHARLES: Apparently not.
LADY CRANLEIGH: Nyssa, did you say?
CHARLES: Yes.
LADY CRANLEIGH: Forgive me, my dear, but you must be a Worcestershire Talbot.
NYSSA: No, I'm not.
LADY CRANLEIGH: Are you quite sure?
NYSSA: Quite sure.
LADY CRANLEIGH: Robert?
MUIR: Uncanny. Quite uncanny.
LADY CRANLEIGH: Two peas in a pod. Positively two peas in a pod.
NYSSA: I beg your pardon?
LADY CRANLEIGH: Forgive a pardonably curiosity, my dear, but where are you from?
NYSSA: The Empire of Traken.
LADY CRANLEIGH: Really.
LADY CRANLEIGH: Your Doctor substitute has made your score almost respectable, Charles.
CHARLES: Perfectly ripping performance. Much better player than Smutty.
DOCTOR: Howzat!
TEGAN: Oh, well bowled!
WICKET: Howzat!
CHARLES: Well done.
DOCTOR: Howzat!
DOCTOR: Howzat!
DOCTOR: Howzat!
CHARLES: Ripping performance, old boy. Come over to the house and meet the mater.
CHARLES: Mother, may I present the Doctor.
LADY CRANLEIGH: How do you do?
DOCTOR: How do you do.
LADY CRANLEIGH: Doctor who?
CHARLES: I'm sorry, Mother, but he'd like to remain incognito, and I think we should respect that after what he's done today.
LADY CRANLEIGH: Of course.
MUIR: First rate, sir.
CHARLES: Sir Robert Muir, the Chief Constable.
MUIR: A superb innings, worthy of the master.
DOCTOR: The Master?
MUIR: Well, the other doctor.
MUIR: W G Grace.
DOCTOR: Yes, of course.
LADY CRANLEIGH: Are you able to stay for the ball, Doctor?
CHARLES: Yes, you must. I insist now, all of you.
DOCTOR: Thank you.
LADY CRANLEIGH: We have one every year in aid of the Hospital for Sick Children.
TEGAN: It's fancy dress, isn't it?
CHARLES: Yes.
TEGAN: We haven't got any costumes.
MUIR: I was just thinking how charming yours was.
CHARLES: Costumes are no problem. We keep a selection for last minute guests. I'm sure we can fix you up. Well, Doctor, how would you like to take a cocktail to your bath?
DOCTOR: Well, certainly a cold drink.
ADRIC: What do you do with a cocktail in a bath?
CHARLES: Drink it, old boy.
CHARLES: Ah, Ann, my dear. Come and meet the hero of the day, and.
DOCTOR: Great Scott.
CHARLES: Ann Talbot, my fiancée, this is Nyssa.
ANN: How do you do?
NYSSA: How do you do?
CHARLES: And this is the Doctor, and Tegan and Adric.
ANN: Worcester. Have you an Uncle Percy?
LADY CRANLEIGH: Not a Worcestershire Talbot.
ANN: Then where are you from?
NYSSA: Traken.
ANN: Where's that?
MUIR: Near Esher, isn't it?
ANN: Could there be Talbots near Esher?
LADY CRANLEIGH: Not possible. The hunt isn't good enough.
CHARLES: Well, Doctor, what can I offer you? Brewster here can make absolutely anything quite superbly.
DOCTOR: Well, I do have a terrible thirst. Perhaps a lemonade with lots of ice.
CHARLES: Ann?
ANN: The same as the Doctor, please.
CHARLES: My dear?
TEGAN: A screwdriver, please.
CHARLES: Ah, a screwdriver, Brewster. And?
NYSSA: Thank you. I'll have the same.
CHARLES: Better make that orange juice for the children, Brewster.
BREWSTER: My lord.
CHARLES: Bob, same again?
MUIR: Thank you, Charles.
CHARLES: And a Tom Collins.
DOCTOR: Well, it's very charming of you to make us so welcome.
ANN: Not at all, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Thank you.
CHARLES: Thank you. Shall we?
ANN: Are you really from Esher?
NYSSA: I don't even know where Esher is.
TEGAN: How beautiful.
LADY CRANLEIGH: The black orchid. Yes, it is beautiful. It was found on the Orinoco by my eldest son, George.
TEGAN: Of course. I thought I recognised the name. George Cranleigh the botanist, the explorer.
LADY CRANLEIGH: But the Brazilian forests took their toll. He never returned from his last expedition two years ago.
TEGAN: I'm sorry.
LADY CRANLEIGH: Ann was engaged to him, but I'm delighted to say that we're still going to have her in the family.
MUIR: If Charles marries the right girl.
ANN: Nyssa doesn't even know where Esher is.
LADY CRANLEIGH: Which shows great taste. I'm sorry, Nyssa. Our curiosity has been vulgar enough. It's high time we all change.
CHARLES: Yes, well, I'm ready for a bath, so if the ladies will excuse us, I'll show you to your room, Doctor. Bring your drink. (to Adric) You too, old boy.
CHARLES: Well, I must flatter myself. Call that an admirable choice.
DOCTOR: It certainly is. What are you going to wear?
CHARLES: Ah, that's better left as a surprise, I think. Now then, I'd better attend to that young man. What was his name again?
DOCTOR: Adric.
CHARLES: Scandinavian?
DOCTOR: Er, not quite. He's Alzarian.
CHARLES: I never could remember all those funny Baltic bits. Geography was never my strong point. My brother stole all the thunder there. Positive Odin. Till later, then.
DOCTOR: Yes.
NYSSA: You know the dances of this period?
TEGAN: Well, I know the Charleston. I learned it for a play when I was at school.
NYSSA: How's it performed?
TEGAN: I'll show you.
NYSSA: Is that dancing?
TEGAN: Well, it's not bad.
NYSSA: No, it's just that on Traken our dancing is much more formalised, and far more complex.
TEGAN: You dance?
NYSSA: It's part of my training. And although I say it myself, I'm considered quite good.
TEGAN: Come in.
ANN: My dears, I've had an absolutely ripping idea.
NYSSA: Oh, how lovely. That's lovely.
ANN: My dear, I'm so glad you think so. Look.
ANN: There. With the headdress nobody, but nobody, will be able to tell us apart. Isn't that topping?
NYSSA: Quite topping.
ANN: Just as long as I don't show this.
TEGAN: A mole?
ANN: Yes. You haven't got one, have you?
NYSSA: No.
ANN: Good.
DOCTOR (OOV.): I want to be happy, but I can't be happy, till I make you
DOCTOR (OOV.): Hello?
DOCTOR: Who's that?
LADY CRANLEIGH: Splendid.
NYSSA: I rather think this will be fun. I think you have to ask me to dance.
ADRIC: Why?
NYSSA: Because that's what everybody else is doing.
ADRIC: What, all those people?
NYSSA: Not me, you idiot. Each other. Come on, ask me.
ADRIC: I don't think I could do it.
NYSSA: Yes, you can. Just follow me. Come on.
MUIR: I hope Lord Cranleigh's dancing with the right girl. It's a little naughty, really.
TEGAN: I think it's a great hoot.
MUIR: A great what?
TEGAN: Hoot.
MUIR: Hoot. Oh yes.
CHARLES: There is one way of not getting you mixed up.
ANN: What's that?
CHARLES: By having every dance with you.
ANN: Foiled again. You're the host.
(The music stops. Nyssa jumps onto the parapet and waves at Ann, who runs over to join her. Everyone watches the 'twins' do a little dance before Nyssa whispers in Ann's ear.
DOCTOR: Why do I always let my curiosity get the better of me?
ADRIC: Nyssa?
NYSSANN: Guess.
CHARLES: Ann?
NYSSANN: Guess.
MUIR: I might have known they were up to something. Now no one can tell them apart.
TEGAN: I can.
MUIR: How?
TEGAN: That's a secret.
NYSSANN: Where's the Doctor?
ADRIC: Don't know.
NYSSANN: What's he wearing?
ADRIC: I don't know that either.
NYSSANN: You should ask Lady Cranleigh to dance.
ADRIC: Well, look, I'm not really very good at it. Anyway, I'd much rather eat.
MAN: Shall we dance?[/i]
DOCTOR: Why didn't I leave after the cricket?
LADY CRANLEIGH: You'll have to excuse me for a moment.
LADY CRANLEIGH: Latoni, what are you doing here? Get back to your quarters at once.
LATONI: My friend has escaped.
LADY CRANLEIGH: What?
LATONI: He hit me from behind and escaped.
LADY CRANLEIGH: Where was Digby?
LATONI: Digby has gone.
LADY CRANLEIGH: Where?
LATONI: I don't know. I have not seen him today.
LADY CRANLEIGH: Come with me.
(The record finishes, and Charles has both butterfly girls in front of him.)
CHARLES: I've got every chance of having all (indistinct words)
DOCTOR: At last!
DOCTOR: Wherever this is.
MUIR: You deserve a better dancer than me, my dear. I must find you someone your own age.
TEGAN: But you're a beaut dancer, Sir Robert.
MUIR: Beaut? That, I think, is a great hoot.
TEGAN: The Charleston!
MUIR: What? Oh.
CHARLES: Marvellous! Absolutely excellent!
CHARLES: Oh, excuse me.
ADRIC: Enjoying yourself, Nyssa?
NYSSANN: Nyssa? Are you sure, Adric?
ADRIC: Yes. You can't do that.
NYSSANN: Can't I?
DOCTOR: Hello?
DOCTOR: Hello?
DOCTOR: Hello?
DOCTOR: Portuguese.
DOCTOR: Well, one of these must get me out of here.
ANN: That was great fun. Shall we go back to the terrace? I'm afraid we must return to the others. Who are you?
ANN: Let me go. Please let me go! Stop it! Let me go, whoever you are! Help! Help!
`
The Doctor
Peter Davison
Adric
Matthew Waterhouse
Tegan
Janet Fielding
Nyssa/Ann Talbot
Sarah Sutton
Lady Cranleigh
Barbara Murray
Sir Robert Muir
Moray Watson
Lord Charles Cranleigh
Michael Cochrane
Brewster
Brian Hawksley
Tanner
Timothy Block
Latoni
Ahmed Khalil
The Unknown/George Cranleigh
Gareth Milne
Sergeant Markham
Ivor Salter
Constable Cummings
Andrew Tourell
Digby
David Wilde (uncredited)[1]
Assistant Floor Manager
Val McCrimmon
Choreographer
Gary Downie (uncredited)
Costumes
Rosalind Ebbutt
Designer
Tony Burrough
Film Cameraman
Peter Chapman
Film Editor
Mike Houghton
Incidental Music
Roger Limb
Make-Up
Lisa Westcott
Producer
John Nathan-Turner
Production Assistant
Juley Harding
Production Associate
Angela Smith
Script Editor
Eric Saward
Special Sounds
d*ck Mills
Studio Lighting
Fred Wright
Studio Sound
Alan Machin
Theme Arrangement
Peter Howell
Title Music
Ron Grainer
Visual Effects
Tony Auger
Peter Davison
Adric
Matthew Waterhouse
Tegan
Janet Fielding
Nyssa/Ann Talbot
Sarah Sutton
Lady Cranleigh
Barbara Murray
Sir Robert Muir
Moray Watson
Lord Charles Cranleigh
Michael Cochrane
Brewster
Brian Hawksley
Tanner
Timothy Block
Latoni
Ahmed Khalil
The Unknown/George Cranleigh
Gareth Milne
Sergeant Markham
Ivor Salter
Constable Cummings
Andrew Tourell
Digby
David Wilde (uncredited)[1]
Assistant Floor Manager
Val McCrimmon
Choreographer
Gary Downie (uncredited)
Costumes
Rosalind Ebbutt
Designer
Tony Burrough
Film Cameraman
Peter Chapman
Film Editor
Mike Houghton
Incidental Music
Roger Limb
Make-Up
Lisa Westcott
Producer
John Nathan-Turner
Production Assistant
Juley Harding
Production Associate
Angela Smith
Script Editor
Eric Saward
Special Sounds
d*ck Mills
Studio Lighting
Fred Wright
Studio Sound
Alan Machin
Theme Arrangement
Peter Howell
Title Music
Ron Grainer
Visual Effects
Tony Auger