BY: ANTHONY STEVEN
Part One
Original Air Date: 22 March 1984
Running time: 24:42
(Romulus and Remus are playing a game. Prof Sylvest walks in and looks at them. Everything is very colourful.)
ROMULUS: Where's mother?
PROFESSOR SYLVEST: Uh, she's busy.
REMUS: Does that mean she isn't talking to us?
PROFESSOR SYLVEST: No, she's just busy.
TWINS: We would like to see her.
PROFESSOR SYLVEST: She isn't here.
ROMULUS: She's gone out without saying goodbye?
PROFESSOR SYLVEST: Well. Yes.
ROMULUS: I suppose you’re going out as well.
PROFESSOR SYLVEST: In a few minutes.
REMUS Abandoned again.
ROMULUS: You we forgive, father. But not mother.
PROFESSOR SYLVEST: Look, Romulus, I wish you would be kinder to your mother. You too, Remus.
TWINS: Why?
PROFESSOR SYLVEST She is your mother.
REMUS: Because mother happened to give birth to us, does that automatically grant her a place in our affections?
PROFESSOR SYLVEST: Yes, yes of course.
ROMULUS: Respect must be earned, father. Mother's a fool. You know that.
REMUS: Do you now wish us to respect fools? You've always said the contrary.
PROFESSOR SYLVEST: Your mother is who she is whether you think her a fool or not. That's no excuse for poor manners and lack of concern.
ROMULUS: As you wish, father.
(There is a bit of a pause here. Sylvest does something.)
PROFESSOR SYLVEST: I gather there's something you wanted to talk to me about.
REMUS: Not talk to you, tell you. We're going to play equations.
PROFESSOR SYLVEST: Oh no.
ROMULUS: You know I sometimes think you're actually scared of us.
PROFESSOR SYLVEST: I worry, Romulus. I honestly believe that neither of you has the faintest idea of your real powers. Your mathematical skill can change events on a massive scale, don't you realise that?
REMUS: Oh, don’t be so melodramatic father.
ROMULUS: Sometimes you sound just like mother.
REMUS: So why don't you stop worrying? Buzz off and enjoy your evening out.
ROMULUS: We'll still be here when you get back.
REMUS: And so will the universe.
(In the TARDIS.)
DOCTOR: Well, Peri. What do you think? Hm?
PERI: It's terrible.
DOCTOR: Oh, never mind about the clothes, they're easily changed. What about me?
PERI: I meant you.
DOCTOR: Sorry, I'm afraid I don’t understand.
PERI: Neither do I. People don't change like that. I mean, physically, just in a flash.
DOCTOR: I'm not people, Peri. I happen to be me.
PERI: But why?
DOCTOR: Natural metamorphosis. A form of rebirth. I call it a renewal. And this time, a positive triumph. I can sense it in every fiber of my being.
PERI: Have you the faintest idea what you look like?
DOCTOR: My outward appearance is of no importance whatsoever.
PERI: Well it is to me. I have to live with it. Here. Look at yourself.
DOCTOR: Hm, very well, if you insist.
PERI: What do you see?
DOCTOR: Ah. A noble brow. Clear gaze. At least it will be given a few hours sleep. A firm mouth, a face beaming with a vast intelligence. My dear child, what on earth are you complaining about?
DOCTOR: It's the most extraordinary improvement.
PERI: On what?
DOCTOR: My last incarnation. I was never happy with that one.
PERI: Whyever not?
DOCTOR: It had a certain feckless charm, which simply wasn't me.
PERI: What absolute rubbish. You were almost young, I really liked you. And you were sweet.
DOCTOR: Sweet? Effete. Sweet? Sweet. Sweet, oh that says it all. Oh, but this has been a timely change. Change... no change.. there is no change. No rhyme, no time, no place no space nothing. Nothing but the grinding engines of the universe, the crushing boredom of eternity... hahahahahaahaaaaa!
(The twins are playing Battleship on their Commodore 64. Back in the TARDIS.)
DOCTOR: Hm? No. Ah.
PERI: Are you sure you're all right?
DOCTOR: My dear child, stop worrying. Try to understand. Regeneration in my case is a swift but volcanic experience, a kind of violent biological eruption in which the body cells are displaced, changed, renewed and rearranged. There are bound to be side effects.
PERI: It it won't happen again?
DOCTOR: Hm? Oh. It may indeed. But each time with diminishing effect. You have nothing to fear.
PERI: Next time I'm not gonna look.
DOCTOR: If you find it upsetting, that would be the most sensible thing to do. Ah! Haha.
(The twins continue smiling, Edgeworth appears.)
REMUS: Fantastic.
ROMULUS: What a super trick.
AZMAEL: Oh, I wouldn't impose upon you for a moment. It's no more than a simple illusion.
REMUS: Oh, we know that.
ROMULUS: We've seen it before in the theater.
REMUS: You did it jolly well.
AZMAEL: Thank you. Your own talents are vastly superior. Amazing, quite amazing. A symphony in higher mathemetics.
ROMULUS: It just so happens we had a good evening. Who are you by the way?
AZMAEL: Professor Edgeworth.
ROMULUS: Never heard of you.
AZMAEL: No reason why you should?
REMUS: What do you want?
AZMAEL: I came to pay my respects to your father, the professor, a man of great distinction.
ROMULUS: A bit late for social calls.
AZMAEL: Yes I must apologize. I've come a long way.
TWINS: How did you get in here?
AZMAEL: How does one enter a dwelling?
ROMULUS: Nobody's allowed in when our parents are away.
AZMAEL: Oh come now, do I look as though I'd do you any harm?
ROMULUS: Beside the point. You oughtn't be here.
AZMAEL: Well, then I shall leave. When do you expect your parents back?
TWINS: We don't know.
AZMAEL: Tell your father I'll call him.
TWINS: All right.
AZMAEL: Goodbye, Remus. It's been a privilege and a pleasure. Goodbye Romulus, our paths are bound to cross again. Show me your hands. What are your names?
ROMULUS: I am Romulus.
REMUS: I am Remus.
AZMAEL: What is this place?
TWINS: We do not know.
AZMAEL: Good. Excellent. Come. Hold on to my sleeve.
(They disappear.)
(Back in the TARDIS. Doc checking out his coat. Puts on cat pin to bad music cue.)
PERI: You're not serious.
DOCTOR: I'm always serious.
PERI: You can't go out dressed like that.
DOCTOR: Why ever not?
PERI: You look dreadful.
DOCTOR: My dear, that is what people said about Beau Brummel. Remember him?
PERI: He had taste. A feeling for style.
DOCTOR And I don't?
PERI: Not if what you're wearing is an example. It's... uh... yuck.
(A spaceship. In space.)
NOMA: Right, his time is up, I shall contact Mestor.
DRAK: Too late. He's got them. He's coming now.
AZMAEL: Lock them in the bunker. At once. Mestor!
MESTOR: Yes, Edgeworth.
AZMAEL: I have them on board.
MESTOR: Are they docile?
AZMAEL: For the moment, yes. I gave them a selective amnesia.
MESTOR: When will they be missed?
AZMAEL Very soon.
MESTOR: You have no time to lose. There will be hue and cry. I want no trail to Jaconda. Take them to the safe house on Titan 3.
AZMAEL: At once.
MESTOR: You will remain at the safe house until further notice.
AZMAEL: As you command, Mestor.
(In the TARDIS console room. Peri enters.)
PERI: Da daaa!
DOCTOR: Yuck.
PERI: Where are we going?
DOCTOR: Vesta 95.
PERI: Where's that?
DOCTOR: You'll soon find out. It's a marvelous place for a holiday. I would have taken you to the Eye of Orion, but the coordinates elude me at the moment. Peri?
PERI: Yes?
DOCTOR: How do you come by a name like that?
PERI: It's the diminutive of my proper name, Perpugilliam.
DOCTOR: Indeed. "One morn, a peri at the gate of Eden stood disconsolate." Do you know who wrote that?
PERI: I haven't the faintest idear.
DOCTOR: Of course you don't. You don't even know what a peri is, do you? Peri?
PERI: No.
DOCTOR: I'll tell you. A peri is a good and beautiful fairie in Persian mythology. The interesting thing is before it became good, it was evil. And that's what you are. Thoroughly evil.
PERI: Doctor, stop it!
DOCTOR: No, no, not even a fairie, an alien spy! Sent here to spy on me! And we all know the fate of alien spies!
(He jumps her bones. She flashes him. He sobs.)
(Prof Sylvest looks at the floor in his house. Makes a call.)
LT HUGO LANG: Special incident room.
PROFESSOR SYLVEST: Professor Sylvest. Security clearance 941/29. They've gone.
LT HUGO LANG: Sir?
PROFESSOR SYLVEST: My children have been kidnapped.
LT HUGO LANG: When did this happen?
PROFESSOR SYLVEST: Whilst I was out. Two hours maximum.
LT HUGO LANG: I see. What are the indications?
PROFESSOR SYLVEST: I found zanium on the floor, it looks serious.
LT HUGO LANG: Please leave this to us. I'll get the commander to call you back.
PROFESSOR SYLVEST: Are you listening to me?
LT HUGO LANG: Yes, I'm listening, Professor.
PROFESSOR SYLVEST: I'm very very anxious.
LT HUGO LANG: Yes, naturally you're anxious, please leave this to us, I'll get the commander to call you back. Goodbye.
(He goes to the Commander.)
LT HUGO LANG: Sorry to disturb you Commander.
COMMANDER FABIAN: What is it?
LT HUGO LANG: The Sylvest twins are missing. The Professor found a dustlike deposit on the floor of their room, he says it's zanium.
COMMANDER FABIAN: Zanium? You know what that means.
LT HUGO LANG: An extraterrestrial kidnap?
COMMANDER FABIAN: If those twins have fallen into alien hands. This is something I've always feared. What's the time factor?
LT HUGO LANG: He says two hours maximum.
COMMANDER FABIAN: Right, they’re still within range. I'm ordering first priority, full-scale search. I want all pursuit crews launched. Briefing will take place in flight. And I want you as flight leader.
LT HUGO LANG: Yes Commander.
COMMANDER FABIAN: I want a thorough scan. All identifiable space vehicles must be investigated.
ELENA: Right.
(Back in the TARDIS.)
DOCTOR: What happened?
PERI: You had another of your fits.
DOCTOR: I don’t have fits.
PERI: Whatever you call them.
DOCTOR: I told you, manic moments of no consequence. They become less dramatic and less and less frequent.
PERI: Well this was worse. Longer. It was horrible.
DOCTOR: Don't exaggerate.
PERI: Exaggerate? You don't remember what you did, do you?
DOCTOR: I must admit I am a little hazy.
PERI: You tried to k*ll me.
DOCTOR: Don't be absurd.
PERI: I'm not.
DOCTOR: What you say is impossible. I have an in-built resistance to any form of v*olence, except in self-defense.
PERI: You don't!
DOCTOR: I don't? Upon my word, you really are frightened aren't you?
PERI: Frightened half to death and that's only because I'm not dead already.
DOCTOR: Something's wrong, something's very wrong. Oh no. Has it come to that? Regenerate yet unregenerate. Oh, alas, poor Peri, not for us the pleasures of Vesta 95!
PERI: What are you saying?
DOCTOR: I am a living peril to the universe. If this poor hive is to be cleansed... there's only one recourse. Contemplation. Self-abnegation in some hellish wilderness. Ten days. Ten years, a thousand years, of what consequence is time to me? I shall become a hermit! And you, child, shall be my disciple! I know the very place... an asteroid so desolate... Titan 3 is where I shall repent!
(Back to the twins.)
ROMULUS: What are you doing?
REMUS: We don't know where we're from, or where we're going, but one thing is for sure. This is a space craft, and we're prisoners.
ROMULUS: Then we must try to escape.
REMUS: I might be able to put out some sort of distress signal.
ROMULUS: But who's going to hear it?
REMUS: How should I know? Keep your ear to the door.
(On Edgeworth sleeping... Back to Drak and Noma Back again to the twins)
ROMULUS: I think someone's coming.
REMUS: That was a bit close, that one.
ROMULUS: Did you do it?
REMUS: I only hope it works.
(Back to earth control.)
COMMANDER FABIAN: Yes?
LT HUGO LANG: It's Lang, commander. I'm in visual contact with a space hopper mark three freights, registration number XV773, but I've been unable to make voice contact.
COMMANDER FABIAN: Elena, check it out, will you?
LT HUGO LANG: The ship is also transmitting an irregular signal. My flight computers are unable to analyze it.
ELENA: XV773 was reported missing, believed destroyed eight months ago.
COMMANDER FABIAN: Did you get that?
LT HUGO LANG Yes, commander.
COMMANDER FABIAN: Proceed with care, but find out what that freighter's up to.
LT HUGO LANG: This is fighter leader to freighter XV773. This is fighter leader to freighter XV773, are you receiving me?
(The ship disappears.)
LT HUGO LANG: Lang here, the freighter's gone into warp drive.
COMMANDER FABIAN: Then follow it.
LT HUGO LANG: No, you don't understand commander, the XV class of freighter was never built for warp drive. No, it must have been modified.
COMMANDER FABIAN: Do you want backup?
LT HUGO LANG: No, not yet. I'd like to know...
COMMANDER FABIAN: Lang? Lang? Are you receiving me? Elena, find out what's happening.
ELENA: He's right, commander, it wasn't built for warp drive.
(Back in the TARDIS.)
DOCTOR: Titan Three. Thou craggy nob which swims upon the oceams of the firmament... receive this weary penitent!
PERI: I think I'm gonna be sick.
DOCTOR: Hm?
PERI: Oh, sorry.
DOCTOR: Why should you be sorry?
PERI: I don't know. I don't know anything any longer. Doctor, please.
DOCTOR: Yes?
PERI: I know what you said, but you weren't serious, were you? I mean about being a hermit?
DOCTOR: Never more so. I've no need to remind you. Now. A hermit needs a hermitage. You and I Peri must find one.
PERI: Why bother? Isn't this place good enough?
DOCTOR: Too good. Quite useless for contemplation, no. What we need is a cave. Some utterly comfortless place where you and I can suffer together.
PERI: Why should I be made to suffer?
DOCTOR: Because you are that have been chosen. It shall be your humble privilege to minister unto my needs. They will be very simple. But nothing must be allowed to interfere with my contemplation.
PERI: You said something about a thousand years?
DOCTOR: I was speaking figuratively. Shouldn't come to that. Now come long, we're wasting time.
PERI: We can't go out there!
DOCTOR: We must! I must atone for what I have done!
PERI: But we'll die!
DOCTOR: Hm? Um... Well the instruments say otherwise. The atmosphere, what there is of it, is breathable.
PERI: What was that?
DOCTOR: I think we should find out.
(The twins party materializes.)
AZMAEL: Sit them down over there.
MESTOR: Edgeworth? Edgeworth!
AZMAEL: Mestor.
MESTOR: You were careless, Edgeworth.
AZMAEL: I make no excuse.
MESTOR: You say that too easily. I've saved you once. Five ships destroyed, but there may be others. You have betrayed your presence on Titan Three.
AZMAEL: Then I'd better start back now.
MESTOR: No, I wish to see how the earth fleet reacts.
AZMAEL: Of course.
MESTOR Are the Sylvest Twins safe?
AZMAEL: They are, they're resting. The poor things are exhausted.
MESTOR: Then give them artificial restoration.
AZMAEL: That could be dangerous.
MESTOR: Nonsense. Take care not to blow their hearts or their minds. Once they have served me I shall have no further use for them.
AZMAEL: Mestor, your great purpose demands the originality of human genius. I have procured that genius, do not discard it lightly.
MESTOR: Do not presume upon my patience, Edgeworth. You are my creature, nothing more. You will do as I command you.
AZMAEL: Very well.
MESTOR: Once you have revived them, put the proposition and let them proceed with the first concept. Whatever time remains to you on Titan Three, do not waste it. Drive them to their limit.
AZMAEL: As you say.
MESTOR: And one more thing...
AZMAEL: Yes?
MESTOR: Make certain there are no survivors from those ships.
(Near the crash site.)
PERI: But Doctor, it's dangerous!
DOCTOR: Of course it's dangerous! We could be blown to pieces at any minute!
PERI: But no one could have lived through this!
DOCTOR: Then stay behind! This is work for heroes, not for faint-hearted girls! Ah. So. No one could have lived through it, eh? Well here's one who did. You would have left one of your own kind to die.
(Back to earth space control.)
COMMANDER FABIAN: Of course Minister. Yes, I understand. At once. Call off the rescue party.
ELENA: Commander?
COMMANDER FABIAN: Until we know more about how our fighters were destroyed no more lives must be put at risk.
ELENA: But you can't just abandon the...
COMMANDER FABIAN: That is a direct order from the Minister. And may my bones rot for obeying it.
LT HUGO LANG: My ship... the squadron... the children...
PERI: Will he live?
DOCTOR: Yes. Small thanks to you. Poor pusillanimous Peri, what a pitiful performance.
PERI: How can you be so pathetic?
DOCTOR Hm?
PERI: Well talk about me giving a performance! You never stop giving them. When you're not really mad and trying to k*ll me, that is. Look at you now.
DOCTOR: What do you mean?
PERI: I never sawr anyone who loved himself so much with less reason. You've forgotten all about him, by the time you stop congratulating yourself he'll probably be dead.
DOCTOR: Peri!
LT HUGO LANG: m*rder*r! You destroyed my entire command. Now I'm going to k*ll you!
`
The Doctor
Colin Baker
Peri Brown
Nicola Bryant
Professor Edgworth / Azmael
Maurice Denham
Hugo Lang
Kevin McNally
Mestor
Edwin Richfield
Romulus Sylvest
Gavin Conrad
Remus Sylvest
Andrew Conrad
Sylvest
Dennis Chinnery
Noma
Barry Stanton
Drak
Oliver Smith
Fabian
Helen Blatch
Elena
Dione Inman
Chamberlain
Seymour Green
Prisoner
Roger Nott
Jacondan Guard
John Wilson
Assistant Floor Manager
Stephen Jeffery-Poulter
Beth Millward
Costumes
Pat Godfrey
Designer
Valerie Warrender
Film Cameraman
John Baker
John Walker
Film Editor
Ian McKendrick
Incidental Music
Malcolm Clarke
Make-Up
Denise Baron
Producer
John Nathan-Turner
Production Assistant
Christine Fawcett
Production Associate
June Collins
Script Editor
Eric Saward
Special Sounds
d*ck Mills
Studio Lighting
Don Babbage
Studio Sound
Scott Talbott
Theme Arrangement
Peter Howell
Title Music
Ron Grainer
Title Sequence
Sid Sutton and Terry Handley
Visual Effects
Stuart Brisdon
Colin Baker
Peri Brown
Nicola Bryant
Professor Edgworth / Azmael
Maurice Denham
Hugo Lang
Kevin McNally
Mestor
Edwin Richfield
Romulus Sylvest
Gavin Conrad
Remus Sylvest
Andrew Conrad
Sylvest
Dennis Chinnery
Noma
Barry Stanton
Drak
Oliver Smith
Fabian
Helen Blatch
Elena
Dione Inman
Chamberlain
Seymour Green
Prisoner
Roger Nott
Jacondan Guard
John Wilson
Assistant Floor Manager
Stephen Jeffery-Poulter
Beth Millward
Costumes
Pat Godfrey
Designer
Valerie Warrender
Film Cameraman
John Baker
John Walker
Film Editor
Ian McKendrick
Incidental Music
Malcolm Clarke
Make-Up
Denise Baron
Producer
John Nathan-Turner
Production Assistant
Christine Fawcett
Production Associate
June Collins
Script Editor
Eric Saward
Special Sounds
d*ck Mills
Studio Lighting
Don Babbage
Studio Sound
Scott Talbott
Theme Arrangement
Peter Howell
Title Music
Ron Grainer
Title Sequence
Sid Sutton and Terry Handley
Visual Effects
Stuart Brisdon