02x21 - There Was, Definitely

[bunniefuu]

The birth of the Rat is a matter
of great celebration for the Somas.

Not only for Akito,
the current family head,

but also for the late family head,
who certainly would have been thrilled.

But it worries me that
he's such a sickly child.

The family head may not feel he's a proper
companion and become frustrated with him.

Now, there's no need to worry about that.

It is said that there is an indescribable
"bond" between God and zodiac members.

They will quickly become companions.

Yuki, don't cough
in front of the family head.

Akito, I have brought him.

What's this?

Why are you crying, Yuki?
You're being rude!

But I couldn't help it.

Something unnamed…
from deep in my chest was shouting.

-I wanted to see you.
-I didn't want to see you.

-I want to embrace you.
-I want to escape.

The older ones born
with zodiac spirits cried as well.

It can be nothing other than
the "bond" between them.

It must be an unbreakable connection.

Beloved…

Repulsed…

We finally meet…

my Yuki.

From since I can remember,
I was by Akito's side.

Of all the zodiac animals,

the Rat is the greatest
and closest to God.

Which means that
you're most similar to me.

And you're special, just like me.

I would spend all day,
every day inside as Akito's playmate.

I was still young back then
and didn't question anything.

Shut up!

Stop coughing! It's so annoying!

Akito had tantrums, but they were
different from the current ones.

Yes, I think I recall Akito crying too.

I often caught sight of
Shigure comforting Akito.

I didn't know
what was so sad or frustrating.

Then, it started suddenly.

One day, Akito became twisted.

This world, my world, is pitch-black.

So I have to make this room
a fitting color for that, right?

Akito?

You too, Yuki. You're pitch-black too!

We've always been the same,
so you need to become pitch-black too.

It's not fair if we're not the same.

No…

No. We're nothing alike.

I'm not useless.

Akito…

I'm the chosen one, someone who's needed.

I'm here because I need to be.

I'm nothing like you!

You're my toy! Your mother gave you to me!

You were basically thrown away!

Mom, when can I go home?

Someday.

Get it already, idiot! The Rat is hated!

Nobody cares about you! Nobody!

If I weren't here,
if I weren't here to mind you,

you'd be completely worthless!

Then, I finally realized

that I had never talked to
any of the other zodiac members.

I was always with Akito,

and I'd never even spoken to
the person they called my older brother.

You're hated.

Yes, that Cat child is always there.

Really? Outside?

Standing there with a reproachful look.
How upsetting.

He's just frustrated to be left out.

The Cat?

I had never met Kyo, either.

What a pretty orange color.

I…

You're the Rat, aren't you?

Yes.

I won't forgive you.

I'll never forgive you!

It's all the Rat's fault!

Because of you… everything…

You should just disappear from this world!

Mom… I…

Where did you wander off to?

Go back to the family head at once!
Right now!

The Rat is hated!

Nobody cares about you!

Don't delude yourself.

Listen. This world is pitch-black,
and your whole life will be pitch-black.

You have no potential or hope.

You're going to live along
this pitch-black path,

so don't think that you'll ever be saved.

Everyday… I heard that
negative language every single day.

Akito b*rned
those pitch-black words into me.

I eventually started to believe them.

That nobody cared about me,
that I was worthless.

Insignificant.

Because even when I reached out
wishing to be saved…

I became afraid to be seen
by those apathetic and hateful eyes.

I heard Yuki's parents
are living a lavish life.

Even among the zodiac members' parents,
the Rat's in a class of its own.

What's more, they sold
their child to the family head.

Scrupulous down to
their efforts to please.

Right? Offered him as a human sacrifice.
I could never do the same.

Nobody would come for me.

Especially since my parents were
completely satisfied with the situation.

Of the Somas, my parents were "winners."

Are you having fun at school, Yuki?

I wonder. He has no opinions of his own.

Despite enrolling him in a school superior
to that of the other zodiac children.

Drop me off first. I'll be home late.

Yes, ma'am.

What are you doing? Let go!

Stop! Get off me!

Yuki. Sit properly.

Being at my elementary school
was uncomfortable.

I tried not to involve myself with others.

Not like I knew how to interact
with others in the first place.

I didn't want to be hated
more than I was already.

But then, it happened.

Let's play!

What?

Isn't it boring to always be alone?

Let's play soccer! Soccer!

But…

Come on, play with us.

Let's be friends!

Friends…

Yes, friends!

Come on, Yuki!

Friends.

Friends.

My very first ones!

I was happy, completely overjoyed.

I was elated.

Some of these friends were Somas,
and we decided to go exploring.

I got too excited and
forgot to be wary of girls.

It was a huge incident.

In the end, my friends had
their memories erased.

Obviously, it's weird for
a human to transform into a rat.

If normal people found out,
they'd be disgusted.

They won't come close anymore
and will distance themselves.

Didn't I tell you?

Don't delude yourself.

Please, don't erase their memories.

They're the first friends I've ever made!

They'll distance themselves.

Yes, sure!

It's true! Let's go see on the way home!

Yes, okay!

You're going to be so surprised!

Really?

Master, wait!

My hat flew…

Oh, here…

There was something I wanted.

Parents who would embrace me.

A home I wanted to return to.

A place where everyone smiled.

A me that people
wouldn't distance themselves from.

I wanted it.

I yearned for it.

His cough has gotten worse.

He doesn't need to lie down?

His breathing should be easier
as he is now.

Poor Yuki. Can I go talk to him
to keep him company?

You are very kind, Akito.

Are you going to die, Yuki?

Hey, are you going to die?

You're no fun.

Was it my body or my heart
that was slowly weakening?

His parents won't visit
to see how he's doing?

How can they? They're on a trip.

But… how about Ayame, then?

He said, "Oh?" and that was it.

Perhaps he's not aware
that they're brothers?

You know Kyo, the Cat?

His mom committed su1c1de years back.

Officially, they said it was
an accident, but it was su1c1de.

She left a su1c1de note or something.

It said things like,
"It's hard to be near him,"

and, "I might've been a little happier
if I'd given birth to the Rat."

He detests you.

At the funeral, he even told his dad,

"I'll k*ll Yuki, then k*ll myself!"

Oh, yes, Hatsuharu, the Ox,
also said he hates you.

He said, "It's Yuki, the Rat's fault
that I'm a laughingstock."

Everybody hates you, Yuki.

You should just disappear…

Even the dawn was gray.

I need to return this,
but he probably won't take it back.

I don't know his sadness.
I don't know anything.

If I'm gone from the world,

will some of that sadness disappear?

It doesn't look good.

If I go away, maybe it'll be
the first time I'm ever useful.

The world is dark. Everybody hates me.

If nobody needs me,
there's no reason for me to be here.

Hey.

Hey,

are you going to die?

Something burst.

Something burst open within my heart.

I didn't think. I just desperately
wanted to move, to dash out.

I'm not sure if I wanted
to hurt myself or cheer myself up.

I probably just didn't know
when to give up.

There were only
a few people around at dawn.

I ran on and on.

I kept running even when it was painful.

I found myself in an unfamiliar area,
but I continued to run.

That's when I came across…

Ma'am, it's early morning.
Please lower your voice.

How the hell can I?
My precious daughter's missing!

Get a move on and
help me look for her already!

Like I said,
we need a better description--

I told you! She's a cute girl
with a cute round hair tie,

cute clothes, a cute voice,
and a cute face!

-Got it?
-Not at all!

She's outright adorable…
someone might've kidnapped her…

What'll I do?
If anything were to happen to her…

someone's going to pay!

You better start praying,
because you're going to die, dammit!

Please calm down, ma'am!

She's scary.

I've had enough!
I'll go look for her myself.

Please wait at home, ma'am.

I guess there are moms out there
that care a lot about their kids.

Wait…

Oh, wait, earlier…

I think she was around here…

Found her.

She's crying.

I need to tell the lady.

She's following me!

What should I do?

I can't let girls get close…

Right now, she has entrusted
her entire world to me.

She's frantically chasing after me
so that she won't get lost again.

She's relying… on me.

She needs me.

Look, we're here.

You hung in there.

Mom.

Mom!

-Mom!
-Tohru!

Mom!

Tohru!

Good.

I'm glad.

I was a little useful.

I'm happy if I was.

It makes me so happy.

Yes, I know now.

I know that there was a moment

when someone else needed me.

Even if nobody remembers…

even if you forget…

There was, definitely.

Yuki. Where in the world have you been?

Not now. The doctor.

Call him now!

Yes, ma'am!

This world isn't enveloped in light.

But it's not all dark either.

There's more than just darkness.

There's more than that.

So?

What's this pitiful and pathetic thing?

You haven't said a word.

I was remembering something
from my childhood.

It's not a very bright memory.

From when I lived in isolation
and my parents abandoned me.

The first time I met Honda
was around then.

We met just once.

I was so young that I didn't ask her name,

so I didn't realize it was her
when we met again.

But she made me want to persevere.

I decided to persevere and keep living,
because the world's not all dark.

But it didn't work.

I grew weak again.

My heart.

Even though I knew
and understood it in my mind,

I started losing ground to it again.

The darkness was immense and overwhelming.

So in the end, I became twisted too.

I'm an idiot.

Hope turned to despair.

Adoration turned to envy.

I wanted him to like me.

For him to become my friend.

That's all I wanted.

Ultimately, I just locked myself
in my own shell.

I rejected the world to protect myself.

I was hopeless.

But…

she appeared before
the hopeless me once again.

To be with me, close to me.

She even listened to what
someone like me had to say.

She wasn't disgusted and didn't scold me.

Time after time.

She accepted me time and again.

She's beloved to me.

Like how the sky feels
so close, yet so far.

Like a mother.

"That Isn't What I Want!"