Magic Mike's Last Dance (2023)

[bunniefuu]

[rain falling]

[Zadie] The impulse to dance

existed long before

our primate ancestors

evolved into humans.

Evolutionary biologists

suggest that dance

was used by early humans

to promote

the social cooperation

essential for our survival.

Indeed,

studies have found that

today's best dancers all share

the two specific genes

associated

with excellent

interpersonal skills.

But despite its power

to save our species,

dance could not save

a small furniture company

in Miami

from the economic tsunami

of a global pandemic,

so like many 40-year-old

Millennial white males,

Mike Lane found himself

alone and adrift in an ocean

of failed relationships

and unrealized dreams.

[event planner] Excuse me?

Hello!

This area is off-limits.

Oh. Well, then

you really shouldn't

be here then, should you?

Cute.

Get dressed, start unloading.

Trucks just pulled in.

All right.

[Latin music plays

on speakers]

[housewife 1] So, is she

living in Miami now, or...

[housewife 2] Well,

she can't go back to London,

Roger's there.

[housewife 3] She has to

go back, for the daughter.

[housewife 4]

Roger still wants it to work,

according to Bob.

[housewife 3]

She should have just canceled

instead of walking around

like a zombie.

[housewife 1] Totally.

-[housewife 3 clears throat]

-And here she is.

Hi.

Thank you so much.

This is absolutely beautiful.

-Oh, thank you

for your contribution.

-You look stunning.

-Scotch, please.

-Neat or rocks?

Neat.

You getting what you want?

With the fundraiser. It looks

like it's going all right.

Nobody here knows what the

Big Blue Rescue Project is

and yet they give me

their money every year.

Well, I just think

people like to

look at what they can't have.

I guess.

What's up, bro?

Two vodka sodas.

Two vodka sodas.

-So, what do you think? Yeah?

-Yeah. Sounds good.

Wait. I know you.

You went to State, right?

[softly chuckles] State?

No, definitely not.

Huh. We've definitely met.

Uh, no. I don't know. Sorry.

-Don't freak the guy out, hon.

-I'm not. [giggles]

Holy sh*t. I got it.

You really don't remember?

I don't know.

Was it at my store? Huh?

No. You were a cop, right?

-What's your name?

-Kim.

[women squeal]

["Mo Cash!" by Vegas Audio

Ninjas plays over speakers]

[Latin music plays

on speakers]

[chuckles] Uh, yeah. Like way

back in the day. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Right, right, right.

Got it. [chuckles]

Nice pull, hon!

Did you arrest her?

Uh, no, I think I let you off

with a warning. Right?

Mm-hmm.

It was my pledge party.

I was being very disorderly.

[chuckles] You being good now?

You behaving?

-Yes, I'm great, actually.

-Good.

I'm on Maxandra's legal team

so... here to support.

That's cool. What kind of law

do you practice?

Family Law generally. But,

I do specialize in divorce.

-Well, it was good to see you.

-See you in another 10 years.

-Cheers. Be good.

-I'll do my best.

[cell phone rings]

[event planner] You!

Bartender.

Mrs. Rattigan

would like a word.

Uh, we're not done

breaking down.

Did you hear what I said?

She'd like

to see you right now.

Bullshit. Hey, look,

you don't have to explain it

to me. All right?

Explain it to Zadie.

Ma'am?

Of course,

I'm super uncomfortable

doing that and I won't do it.

Because that's a date

with chaperones.

I'm not stupid, Roger.

Ma'am, uh,

they said to come see you.

Should I just wait outside?

I don't want to see you!

All right?

Get it into your head,

if you need to talk to me

then bring the lawyers.

Um, bartender?

I'm sorry. They said to come

see you. I didn't mean to--

Yes, yes, please come back.

Okay.

-[sighs]

-Yeah?

[nervous laugh] You know...

Do you like bartending?

Sure. Uh, it's not

really what I do,

but yeah. Why not?

So, what is it

that you really do?

[chuckles] Uh, yeah-- Well,

it's-- That's a long story.

Did you want me for something?

[inhales] Yeah...

Um, what's your name?

Mike.

Nice to meet you, Mike.

Nice to meet you.

How much?

How much for what?

You know. Please don't make me

[slight chuckle]

spit it out

because this is the first time

I do this

and it's not comfortable.

[slight chuckle]

Look, I don't know

what you're talking about.

What?

But Kim told me that she

knew you, and run into you,

and that you were a dancer.

-Oh, Kim-- Kim told you that?

-Yeah.

-Right.

-[sighs]

Uh, look, I don't really

do that anymore, so--

Uh, what was your name?

Max.

Max, it was nice to meet you.

Uh, thanks for--

I'm s-- I'm really sorry.

I didn't mean to offend you.

No, you didn't offend me.

Don't worry. It's all--

Really, I have no idea

what I'm doing.

It's just I'm not

normally like this...

it's just that I've had

like the shittiest day

and the shittiest week...

and the shittiest month,

and the shittiest year.

Same here.

Welcome to the club.

Don't worry,

you didn't offend me.

Okay. [exhales]

[chuckles] It was nice

to meet you.

So, let's say...

if you were to do this just,

like, one last time.

Mm-hmm?

How much would something

like that go for?

How much would something

like that go for?

[sharp inhale]

Uh, $60,000? Maybe.

-$60,000?

-Yeah. Yeah, 60.

Let's call it 60.

What the f*ck do you do?

She said it was a silly dance.

Who said that? Kim?

Kim said that? It was silly?

Yeah. She said

it was a silly dance,

but that it would

get my mind off of things.

And if she's right,

I'm willing to pay six.

What?

You're serious right now?

You're gonna pay me $6,000

to give you a dance?

Yeah, but no happy endings,

huh?

So we have a deal?

[exhales]

Are you leaving?

[door locks]

You know I have security.

Mm-hmm.

What are you doing?

Um, you seem like

you need a drink.

[sighs] I really, really do.

[Mike clears his throat]

Why are you moving my flowers?

These will work better here.

You have a really, really,

[slight chuckle]

really nice house.

Thank you.

Everything's made really well.

[Mike clears his throat]

Are you redecorating?

Maybe. Do you have music?

You might want to

finish your drink.

[buttons click]

[Mike chuckles]

[instrumental music plays

over speakers]

[Mike swallows, exhales]

So, I don't know if you

really know what you bought...

but I'm gonna give it

to you anyway.

And at any point I take you

past your comfort zone--

I f*cking slap you.

You can slap me.

That's perfect.

May I touch you?

I guess.

["Careful" by Lucky Daye

plays over speakers]

[no other sounds audible]

[speaking Spanish]

[chuckles] Thanks.

You don't know what I said.

What are you talking about?

Yeah, I do.

What did I say?

You said I move like water.

I didn't mean for you to

understand that.

Well, maybe you should be

a little more careful

what you say.

Remember, I am from Florida.

[chuckles]

[kisses]

If I had known what this night

was going to be like...

I would have gladly paid you

the 60 thousand.

It wouldn't have

mattered anyway,

I'm not gonna take your money.

I'm not even gonna take

the six grand. [kisses]

Who are you?

[slight chuckle]

Um, I don't know.

What do you mean?

Come with me to London.

What's in London?

My life.

Your life's in London?

I thought this was your house.

This is a house,

but it's not the house.

Max, I can't just

go to London.

I got, like,

stuff here. I got--

Like there's a whole mess.

I got a job.

I can't just go to London.

I'm gonna get you

a much better job in London.

You're gonna get--

No, well, I have a job

for you in mind.

It's creative.

And all you have to do

is come with me for a month

and I will give you

your 60 thousand.

Max, I can't just up and leave

my entire life here for you--

Yes, you can. Yes, you can.

Listen. Listen.

Not for a mon-- I can't.

Not for a whole month.

You should come with me

and then if it's out of your

comfort zone then you just--

-I get to f*cking slap you?

-You can f*cking slap me.

Let's go.

Thank you.

What are you doing?

[chuckles] I don't really

f*ck with vegetables.

How do you

have that body then?

I don't know. Genetics.

Mom and Pops.

How'd you get so rich?

-Genetics, I guess.

-Mm-hmm. Yeah?

No, Roger's family

is in media.

Oh, that's cool.

Is that like TV and sh*t?

It's more like

everything and sh*t.

Right.

So, um, I don't know.

What happened, with that?

Marriage happened.

[Mike] Mmm.

Are you married?

Am I married? Um, would it

be a problem if I was?

No. This is

100 percent business.

Right. You keep talking

about this "job."

But you always leave out

what the actual job is.

It's what you were meant

to be doing all along.

Okay. I've made it

really clear though,

I'm not--

I don't dance anymore.

Then I can claim that I got

Magic Mike's Last Dance.

[chuckles]

So what else could you

possibly be paying me for?

We are not having sex.

Completely

out of the question.

Why?

You know, Mike,

I actually think you have...

other talents. And this is

what I'm invested in.

Okay. But just, you know,

hear me out.

You've purchased me for

a month, um, let's just say...

you say, "Jump."

I say, "Which bed?"

Look, last night was...

kind of magical.

It was amazing.

So, let's not f*ck that up.

Okay?

Okay.

Uh, and no.

I'm not, by the way.

What?

Married.

Okay. Are you

in a relationship?

Mm-mm. No.

Me and relationships

don't have a tendency

to, uh, work out.

Yeah, I can understand that.

-To freedom.

-To freedom.

[upbeat

instrumental music plays]

[no other sounds audible]

Now, sir, the brown hamper

is for dry cleaning

and the beige hamper

is for regular laundry.

Uh, I'm probably

not gonna have

any dry cleaning and I,

by the way

I can do my own clothes, man.

Just show me

where the machines are.

Ms. Mendoza would

never allow that, sir.

Aw, man, you can call me Mike.

It's all good.

As you wish, sir. The loo

is through this door here.

Uh, the toilet, sir.

[slight chuckle] Right.

Do you have any idea

what the f*ck I'm doing here?

Uh, regrettably... no, sir.

Yeah, but you wouldn't tell me

even if you did know,

would you?

I would be lying

if I said I wasn't lying, sir.

[chuckles] Right.

It's Mike, man.

Just call me Mike.

Well, "Mike," Ms. Mendoza

does love a good surprise.

I'll collect you at half past.

Collect me at half past

for the surprise. Cool.

[cell phone rings]

[sighs] sh*t.

[Max] I never like

to give credit to Victor

because he becomes

unbearable...

but I wouldn't own the place

that we're going to

if he hadn't convinced me

to fight for it

in the settlement.

Her only other option

was a sand and gravel pit

in High Wycombe.

And the only value I saw in it

was that my mother-in-law...

didn't want to give it away.

But now,

I have found its purpose.

What's my purpose there?

If we're going there.

Well...

just pretend

that today is Christmas

and you're about to open

your presents.

[chuckles] Okay.

As a matter of fact, Victor,

I think we should stop

at Liberty's first.

Don't you think?

I would let Harj know,

so that he can

mentally prepare.

Good idea.

What's a Harj?

[Max chuckles]

Hello, Harj.

Good afternoon,

Madame Rattigan!

Don't you "madame" me

and it's Mendoza now.

[speaking French]

[in English] So where's

"the big tear-down"?

[laughs] What--

This does not cost that.

What is this in dollars?

Do you like--

What, do you drop a zero or...

So cute.

[Harj sighs]

[inaudible dialogue]

Do you know what Victor does?

[Mike] So you own this place?

[Max] I do now.

When this very same play

opened in 2004,

the owner of the theater

fell madly in love with this

horribly insecure actress.

And so...

here's where my love story

with Roger began

and here is where

it's going to end.

He must have loved

your performance.

I had three lines.

[Mike chuckles]

Well, you certainly

look the part.

So relax, have fun

and I promise there won't be

any more surprises,

but you're gonna like

this one.

You swear?

[footsteps approaching]

Deal.

Miss Mendoza!

Right on time as usual.

Stop it, Woody.

I'm half an hour late.

As usual. Is this, uh--

Yeah, Mike, meet Woody,

the best stage manager

in all of London.

Easy. I'm just here to serve

your vision, gov.

My vision?

Mm-hmm. Your vision. Let's go.

Oh, f*ck.

[director and actors

talking indistinctly]

Voil.

Wow.

Right on time.

[Matthew] Listen, I-- Hugh,

are we actually going again

because I'm not sure.

But if you go back

to the start of the scene

please just go

to the top of the scene

and imbue it

with a little more--

[Mike] So what's this

sh*t about?

It's the same old

will-she-marry-for-love

or-money bullshit.

Hmm.

So, what does she pick?

Love or money?

Who cares?

The real question is:

why does she feel like

she has to choose?

[Matthew] I think

I've run out of words.

Hell yeah.

Well, this is your joint,

right?

Why don't you just

give them that note?

[Isabel Ascendant actor]

Show me,

have you got the script or--

[Matthew] Jessica,

do you have a script?

[Isabel Ascendant director]

Oh, this is a jolly good

waste of time, isn't it?

Bravo! [clapping]

Bravo, everybody.

Absolutely flawless,

thank you.

Excuse me?

Who the f*ck is talking?

Oh. Maxandra.

My sincere apologies.

I couldn't see you

in the light.

Nice to see you again, uh...

-Matthew.

-Right.

-The director.

-Of course.

To what

do we owe the pleasure?

I'm here to make

an announcement.

Oh! Oh. Tell me.

Well, if I only told you

it wouldn't be

an announcement, would it?

I suppose not.

Um, attention, everyone!

g*ng,

this is Maxandra Rattigan.

The wife of our owner and--

Actually,

it's Maxandra Mendoza

and I'm the legal owner

of this theater.

I am here

to give you all notice

Isabel Ascendant is closed...

effective immediately.

On what f*cking grounds?

We are at capacity

every night!

Relax. It's only a four-week

course correction.

An evolution. A revelation!

[slight chuckle]

And no one is fired.

[sighs] Christ.

Except for, um...

-Matthew.

-Matthew. Yes.

Matthew will be replaced

by a brilliant

new choreographer

that I recently

discovered in Miami.

His artistry

made me feel, uh...

[slight chuckle] There are

no words. It's just...

ecstasy.

And in exactly one month,

I want every woman that

walks into this theater

to feel the same kind

of ecstasy that I did.

To transcend. To break free.

So, without further ado...

I give you

the visionary artist...

that inspired me

so profoundly

and that will take us

to the promised land.

Ladies and gentlemen...

Michael Jeffrey Lane.

[applause]

'Sup?

[Max] The look on Roger's face

when he sees this!

It's worth every pound,

every shilling.

No. Yeah.

You could've given me

just a little

heads-up before

you threw me

to the wolves in there!

You would've been

in your head,

over-thinking everything.

It was better

than not thinking

anything at all. Like--

And what are you

so excited about?

Like every single person

in there quit!

We don't need actors,

we need dancers.

Plus, by not f*ring them,

we saved thousands

on labor-union fees.

-[Mike laughs]

-More money for you.

Yeah, but-- Okay. I--

Look, no offense...

but there's got to be

easier ways

to get back

at your husband for...

I don't know, whatever,

than putting on a strip show.

Oh, I'm not a scorned woman,

and this is not a strip show.

We are bringing

the tsunami to London!

[chuckles] Okay.

All right. This--

And I'm down for that.

I just think that

you haven't--

Can't you see?

People are numb,

disconnected, desensitized.

We're going to wake them up

with a wave of passion

they've never felt before.

Okay, I just--

There's one little thing

that I think you're forgetting

is that I don't know sh*t

about directing theater.

-And that's why you have me!

-What?

It will be a historical,

one-night collaboration

between the stage, and the...

-The thongs?

-Eh, I don't know.

-Exactly. That's what--

-Who the hell are you?

I don't know. Who are you?

Zadie,

what are you doing here?

Um, this is my daughter,

Zadie.

Oh, sh*t. Hi.

Nice to meet you!

-We had a meeting, Maxandra.

-Yeah.

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

I completely

lost track of time.

Completely. I'm so sorry.

I can see that.

I'm more interested

in why you lost track of time.

Well, um, I've been

handling some business

with the new director

of Isabel Ascendant.

-[Mike] Mm-hmm.

-Michael Jeffrey Lane.

Ah, yeah. That's not my name.

But-- It's just--

But it's got gravitas.

Yeah, it's just--

It's Mike Lane.

But you do need a stage name.

-Are you two hooking up?

-Zadie!

Well, I-- What's funny

about that is, uh...

your mom actually

is paying me to not hook up.

We are not hooking up.

But he will be

staying at the house

just until he gets settled.

Okay?

How convenient.

Tell me, Mike, what do you

plan to do with Act Three?

Yeah, we're gonna have one.

I was pl-- I was, uh, planning

on doing Act Three like a--

Everybody knows

Isabel Ascendant

has a wildly outdated,

painfully misogynistic climax.

[Mike] Mm-hmm.

Exactly.

And that's why our take

is going to be so exciting

because they will be

expecting that

and instead,

they're gonna see

that a woman can have

whatever she wants,

-whenever she wants it.

-Mm-hmm.

Since when do you

believe that?

Since Mike and I have

been exploring this theme.

Yeah, your m-- Yeah, we've

been exploring those themes.

You're in another one

of your phases, aren't you?

Baby, don't you have some

schoolwork to do?

Uh, what's the phases thing?

Every few years

she starts a big new project.

Sometimes it's a charity,

a documentary,

-a new best friend.

-Right.

Each time it's like

she's a new person.

So what?

Sue me for exploring myself

and my contributions

to the world!

But your contributions

never see the light of day.

There's always some obstacle.

We call her

The Queen of the First Act.

Our therapist,

whom she stood up to be here,

says she tries on these new

personas as a way from running

from the guilt about--

I already said how sorry I am

about missing

that appointment

and I am going

to reschedule it.

[speaking French]

[speaking French]

[speaking French]

[speaking French]

Uh, you know,

pardon my French,

but, uh, y'all are being

rude as f*ck. [chuckles]

Sorry.

[speaking French]

-Pleasure, Zadie.

-Zadie, wait, don't go.

You want some cake? Baby.

What's going on?

[Roger] No, I didn't know

until you sent it.

Well, technically,

she does have the right.

I have no idea.

Maybe Zadie will tell me.

Change the agreement how?

Mother-- Mother, I think

you should pursue this

on your own.

I can't get dragged

into a fight.

Not about this,

not right now.

[Mike] Yo!

[Tito] Holy sh*t! Naysayers,

we have proof of life!

All right.

What's up, man?

I know, look, I know. I-I--

And I'm sorry, okay, I know

I've been ducking you all.

Uh, I apologize. I just--

It's a long story,

but I'm in London

and I just want you guys

to know

I'm gonna be able

to pay you back,

I just need a few weeks. Okay?

Oh, come on, man!

How many times

do we have to tell you

you don't need to pay us back!

It was an investment.

I know. I know. But I'm--

As many times

as you guys say that,

I'm not just gonna burn

my friends' money

and not care. All right?

I don't--

No. Money is water, Mike.

It flows in both directions.

That's a good point,

but still.

You-- Yeah, hold up.

You buried the lede here.

Why are you in London?

I don't know, short story

is that... [chuckles]

I was bartending at, uh,

this charity event

and then

at the end of the night

I ended up giving

this rich lady a lap dance

and now I'm living

in her house in London

and gonna put on a show

at this famous theater

that she owns. So, yeah.

Cool. Hey, sex work

is nothing to be

embarrassed about, Mikey.

Especially when

it's the live-in kind.

Hey, look, thanks, Tarzan.

Look, I basically

am just saying

though I'm gonna

have your money...

I don't exactly know, uh,

what I said yes to

so I hope it works out.

Mikey, Mikey,

this is great news.

I was looking

at your chart last night...

you know you're in a once-

in-33-year Jupiter cycle,

right?

I-- No, I didn't, but that

explains a lot I guess. Yeah.

Yeah, it does, so whatever

existential confusion

you're feeling right now,

it's an initiation.

It's wiping the slate clean

for you to self-actualize.

Uh, I'm just trying

to survive to be honest.

Surviving?

Bro, you are a gig worker.

Magic Mike's coming back

to the main stage.

I-- But that's the thing

I'm not even dancing though.

I'm putting on the show.

I guess I'm directing

or whatever.

I mean, it's--

I'm only here for a month,

it's for one show only,

to basically get back

at her ex or something.

I don't know. It's totally

bonkers over here.

Who gives a sh*t, man?

She's rich.

Trust me. Do not leave

that situation. Okay?

Look at me,

I'm basically a freaking

glorified dog walker. Okay?

You just need to make sure

she doesn't wake up,

and all of a sudden

want you out of the house,

which I have tips on

by the way if you want them.

Okay. I-I--

We don't have dogs here

so maybe that's a good idea.

I feel it. I feel it

in my solar plexus, brother.

This is your dharma.

-Just stay in the flow.

-Victor?

What are you doing there?

Oh, you know, waiting

for passing f*cking trade.

He's on a private call.

Since when has that

stopped you?

Oh, boys, I miss you.

[Mike chuckles]

-Are you decent?

-Yep.

Is that her?

Are we interrupting something?

No, I was just, uh,

looking for some ideas.

Oh, I've been

"scouting" myself.

And come take a look at

what I found.

[Mike chuckles]

["The Journey" by Jack Rayner

plays on computer]

Look at that.

Isn't he magnificent?

[Mike] Hmm.

He has such an innate

elegance and intelligence

to the way he moves.

And then at the same time

there's this savage thing,

you know...

like a primal animal.

[sighs] Just incredible.

I think this is what we need

for the show.

Trained dancers,

not strippers.

Yeah, but, I mean,

as the director,

I-I-I promise you...

I know exactly what

we're looking for. Yeah.

I love the way

you just did that.

[chuckles] What?

"As the director."

You're really owning

that place. You know?

[slight chuckle]

It comes to you so naturally.

Mm-hmm.

I can tell that you already

have a vision.

And I'm sure that you agree

that this would be fantastic.

-[Mike] Yeah, he's great.

-For the show, I mean.

[Mike] Yeah. Yeah, really.

I mean, he's--

[Max] Antonio is what we need.

Uh, he's great. Like I said,

he's just--

But he's also in Italy.

-Roma.

-Roma, see, I can't--

I don't have time

to go find him in Roma

and then bring him

all the way back here.

Oh, no. That would be

out of the question.

But that's why you have

a genius producer!

He's arriving on Thursday.

If you approve.

Creatively, I mean.

Yeah, look, if you want him,

um, sure. I-I-I approve.

Creatively, of course.

I'm so excited!

Are you excited?

Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I am.

You don't sound excited.

I'm very, very, very excited.

I promise.

Oh, man, me,

I don't even think

I am gonna be able to sleep.

No?

Good night.

Sweet dreams.

Okay.

Wait, wait,

where are you going? Hey.

To bed?

We got like 10

other dancers to find.

And that's why we have Renata.

Good night.

[sighs]

[Renata] Per your instructions

I've assembled

the top-tier of talent

across multiple

movement disciplines.

And they're all

very eager to please...

and quite athletic,

as you requested.

Excellent work

as usual, Renata.

["Spoiler" by Baloji plays]

[no other sounds audible]

[Zadie] She couldn't explain

the full extent

of her feelings...

but Max knew

that she had crossed

some kind of strange Rubicon.

She was desperate to know

more about

why she felt this way,

so she purchased a litany of

books on the history of dance.

For Mike, The Rattigan

had no symbolic weight,

it was simply

where he had to work.

And he reminded himself,

in order to finish something,

you have to make a start.

For Maxandra, The Rattigan

had been transformed.

It went from existing

only in the past

to being a source of renewal.

-[Max] Hello, hello, hello.

-Hey! Hey!

Are you ready to transform

theater forever?

[yells of agreement]

-Whoo!

-Yeah.

[Mike] All right.

Calm down, calm down.

We ain't done sh*t yet.

All right, you guys have

all the talent in the world.

Ain't no questioning that.

Each and every

single person here

was hand selected

because they bring

something unique to the table

that we ain't

never seen before.

All right?

But I have a question for you.

Who here, by show of hands

has stood in front

of a thousand women

and had to get butt-ass naked?

Exactly.

You want to find out how fast

a group of sweet,

nurturing moms can make you

just go running, cowering

into a dark corner,

wishing you were never born?

I promise you it can happen.

I've seen it.

And it can happen

[snaps fingers]

just like that.

Now I can't believe I'm about

to say these words out loud,

but we got one month.

[Max] Oh, yeah.

We got one month to turn y'all

into the greatest

group of strippers

that has ever been assembled

on planet Earth.

And to do that,

you boys got to be ready

to get your hands dirty

your noses wet, and them

nuts chafed as sh*t.

[all chuckle]

And look, if,

if we do our jobs right...

you're gonna have a whole

other problem on your hands.

You're gonna have to learn

to protect yourself

in a zombie apocalypse

of repressed desire.

Any questions?

[Hannah] I have a question.

Can you, you know,

f*ck a zombie to death?

Or is it still a k*ll sh*t

to the head?

[Mike chuckles]

Excuse me,

what are you doing here?

I mean, you didn't

technically fire me,

so I'm still drawing out

that salary.

Oh, I'm sorry. I should

have been more clear.

You're still getting paid,

but we no longer

need your services.

I shouldn't have gotten

my hopes up. [slight chuckle]

I was just really inspired

by our new director's vision.

What-- Um, what did I say?

He didn't say anything.

It's not what you said.

It's who you are.

Do you have any idea

of how long

I've been dreaming

of someone to walk through

that door with a flame thrower

and burn this whole

f*cking sh*t to the ground?

I can't stand

playing Lady Isabel.

For the last six months,

I've wanted to choke the life

out of that entitled prude.

I mean, get a grip, woman.

Jesus Christ.

Like you're rich,

send a f*cking

carriage to town,

buy up

every able-bodied man...

soldier, sailor

instead of wasting your time

worrying about

which boring old sod

you're going

to sign your life away to

and have a lovely

half-decent shag

with every last one! I--

But it's a really good job,

it's so stable, and, um...

so usually

I don't say all of that.

Well, that was poetic.

You're definitely

our audience.

Woody, make sure

she gets an invitation.

Hey, we're still calling this

Isabel Ascendant , right?

Yeah, but that's just a trick

to get the audience

into the theater

so then we can give them

something else.

Right, but if, what if we use

the actual old opening

to Isabel Ascendant?

I mean, it could be a really

big surprise actually.

And if I'm honest...

if you want to make a show

about women

getting what they want,

wouldn't it be

a little f*cking chauvinistic

to not have

a female lead in it?

Are you calling me

chauvinistic?

No.

Because

I'm the feminist here.

-Right.

-I'm the flame-thrower.

This whole thing was my idea.

You heard her.

She's the flame-thrower.

Uh, you're hired as Isabel

because you were

already hired.

[squeals] Oh.

Go-- I am thrilled!

Thank you both so much.

Will you be dancing in it?

Uh, no. Just, uh, directing.

Right?

Aw, shame.

Well now that we have

a leading lady again

maybe the director

should walk us

through the beats

of the first act.

[clears throat] Yep.

Uh, first act, coming up.

Enter Jackson,

the low-class but sexy friend

of the husband. Line?

Harold said you didn't want

to go to Calais this year.

Is that still settled?

-I'm sick to death of Calais.

-Theo?

I won't hear of it.

You're going and that's that.

Perfect. Hit it.

["Ferrari" by Jack Rayner

plays over speakers]

[Hannah giggles]

Oh, come on. No. No. No, no.

Come on, Mike. Stop! Stop!

Stop! Stop!

Hey. All right,

stop, stop, stop, stop.

Stop. What's up?

They can't just start dancing

on her out of nowhere.

I mean, I'm down as f*ck.

Okay. Uh,

isn't that the point?

No, no, no.

You cannot interrupt the plot.

If you want

a strong female lead

she has to have an objective.

At least we should know

what she wants.

Okay. [sighs] What do you

think she wants then?

I don't know. I know she

doesn't want this life.

So she wants to run away?

She can't do that.

Why?

She's a free person, right?

She has a family.

There would be consequences.

Right.

So it's about the money.

Oh, that's the least of it.

She would lose her friends,

opportunities.

Her identity. Her whole world

would be torn apart.

I don't know. It sounds to me

that she just needs to let go.

-And some good d*ck!

-Maybe that as well.

This show is not about

getting d*ck. Only.

She needs to solve

her dilemma.

It's not like some

magic unicorn is gonna

come down and make all her

wildest fantasies come true.

Uh, what was that?

Could be not the worst idea.

Oh, no way.

Hear me out.

Just-- What about--

Where the f*ck am I

gonna get a horse?

What about a caballito?

Like a tiny one.

I don't have caballito budget.

Wait. What-- How-- Okay,

what if you don't see it?

What if you don't

see the horse?

No, that's not right.

No.

[Victor clears his throat]

[sighs] How long have you

been standing there?

-Long enough. May I?

-Yes.

So you've worked with Max

and this Roger dude

a long time?

All 18 wonderful years.

Wow. So you must know

these friends

that we're going

to see tonight.

What are they like?

Hmm. They like things

to stay the same, sir.

All right.

How do I look? And don't

give me any bullshit answer.

You know something...

they'd just laugh at you

in a tie.

[footsteps approaching]

Holy sh*t.

-What?

-You! That suit.

You look incredibly expensive.

You have no idea.

[Zadie] One of the most

primal feelings

human beings experience

is the desire to belong

to feel connected

to other beings,

and to be part of a tribe.

In fact,

brain scans have shown

that social rejection

creates virtually

identical brain activity

as physical as*ault.

Mike didn't know that...

but he knew dancing could

bring people together.

Even if some of those

people are snobs.

And he knew

that Victor was right,

they would have laughed

at him in a tie.

[Bill] And he says, "Now

that's how you wave a towel!"

[group laughs]

[jazz music plays on speakers]

[Alice] Anyways, so, give us

the latest gossip, Max.

-Yeah, go on.

-And don't hold back a lick.

You know

I don't hold back my licks.

-[group laughs]

-True.

But there's nothing for me

to tell you.

You already know everything...

since you double agents

are all talking to Roger.

-Oh, come on.

-That's not true.

-That's not true.

-I'm offended.

Last I heard,

he had at least broken it off

with the girl. So...

And so, she should just run

back to him then, should she?

No, that's not

what I'm implying.

I'm just-- You know,

it's something, isn't it?

-It takes time, Bill.

-Of course.

Or have you forgotten?

Ooh, hello.

[slight chuckle]

Thank you for your concern,

but you must know that...

I'm the happiest

I've ever been in my life.

Oh, that's really good

to hear.

[Phoebe] Oh, rubbish.

[Robert laughs] Phoebe!

He can do whatever he wants,

and so can I.

-Yeah.

-How modern.

But what does that actually

mean for the divorce?

The divorce. The divorce.

Don't you have something else

to talk about?

I mean, besides, uh,

Bill jokes. Let's have fun.

Mike, why don't you

tell them--

-I was just telling--

-Wait, no, listen to this.

You have to hear his vision

for Isabel Ascendant.

-Oh, yeah.

-Oh, yes.

Uh, yeah. Well, I mean,

as we were talking about

we think it's, uh...

it's very important to honor,

uh, the original

source material.

Yeah,

but to do that properly--

And say no more.

It has to be a surprise.

-Right.

-Okay.

[Phoebe] It's so smart

to revive a classic.

[Robert] Absolutely.

That is very hot right now.

Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I don't know

if I would exactly call it

a classic revival...

uh, Phoebe, but I--

You know, the way that I think

we were looking at it is

that it really needed to be

stripped down,

oiled, and spanked.

[Max chuckles, speaks Spanish]

No. No.

[in English]

He loves metaphors.

So Mike, is there a vibrant

theatrical community in Miami?

Yeah, for the right amount

of dollars

I think you can have

as vibrant

of a time as you would like.

[group laughs]

I imagine you've done a lot

of work with Art Basel.

No, no. I don't-- Who's that?

I don't know him.

[Max and group laugh]

-Come on, guys.

-[Bill] Oh, my God.

Of course, I know Art Basel.

It's the most famous art fair.

It happens in my city

every single year.

-Wow. Your face just now...

-[group laughs]

Well, I mean, if the show's

anything like him,

count me in.

You better talk to him

while you can because

he's about to get super famous

and super unavailable.

Wow.

Well, that's quite

a build-up. [chuckles]

That's a deal.

I don't know about all that,

but yes.

[Bill laughs]

She is looking unusually

radiant tonight.

[group makes agreement noises]

Yeah, I guess, um...

I don't know.

It must be good for the soul,

the whole divorce.

-[chuckles] Divorce.

-Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I'm-- What?

Do you guys

have a different word

for the ending

of a marriage here?

Uh, yeah. When it's untrue.

Yeah. [chuckles]

I mean, yes, they have an

agreement at the moment.

Yeah.

But, I mean,

that family pre-nup

is going to take a decade

to litigate.

[Robert] Exactly.

Plus she knows

that at the end of it

she'll get absolutely nothing.

-Which she'll hate.

-Yeah.

What she needs is to be

able to stay with him,

but not actually be with him.

That would be

the golden ticket.

I wish you had gotten up,

and really taken

your clothes off.

Okay, let's go back there.

I'll take my clothes off

right now.

I would have loved

to see their faces.

-Yeah.

-They are so fake.

They are the fakest people

I know.

I think the only person that

is real in my life is Zadie.

She's about as real

as it gets at times.

Yes. She'll tell you

what she thinks.

What about you, Mike?

Are you real?

What do you mean, am I real?

Am I-- Do you think I'm real?

I don't know.

You know, sometimes

you kind of feel like a dream.

Hmm.

I mean, you look like a dream.

Mm-hmm.

You smell like a dream.

Mm-hmm.

You taste like a dream.

Wait. I just want

to make sure. Listen.

No, it's okay.

No. I get it. I get it.

No, no, no. No, no, no.

Wait, wait, wait.

-That was really stupid.

-No, I just--

No, I just want to tell you--

No, no. I'm sorry. I didn't--

You know what? I'm sorry,

I'm just so drunk.

-[slight chuckle]

-I shouldn't have stopped--

What? You had, like,

one glass of wine.

No, look, that was my fault.

That was my--

Are you saying I'm crazy?

No, I'm definitely not

saying you're crazy.

Are you telling me I'm crazy?

I'm saying I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to stop you.

Well, this was

uncalled for so...

obviously if I'm not drunk,

I'm crazy.

I didn't mean to stop you.

Come here.

Stop. Hey-- Max, stop.

I'm sorry.

And I'm not crazy.

I am very drunk actually.

Stop. Stop. Listen to my--

No, you stop.

I don't want to listen to you.

Right now, anything that you

say to me is gonna be wrong.

I already said I'm sorry.

Okay? I get it. I get it.

You don't have to like,

rub it in.

All right.

No pity talking or anything.

I get it.

Can you put some music on,

Victor?

["Steal Away" by Robbie

Dupree plays on radio]

[sighs]

Why don't we steal away

Into the night

I know it ain't right

[speaking with British accent]

Oh, hello. Good morning.

Good morning.

What are you doing up

so early?

I'm writing a novel.

-A novel?

-Mm-hmm.

They make you write novels

in school over here?

Do you assume that

because of my age

I only have

the mental capacity

to write a novel for school?

No, I just don't know anyone

that's ever written a novel.

What is it about?

It's about some people who

know each other and do things.

It's about every time I draw

another gentrified breath

into my helpless body.

And it's about 40 pages.

That's a good amount of pages.

It is.

How many are you gonna go for?

A few more.

-What's up, Vic?

-Yeah, right.

[whispers] What? What?

Why is he like that?

If he acts like he likes you,

he hates you.

And if he acts like

he hates you...

it's a sign of respect because

he actually does hate you.

Yeah, that's not helpful.

Why doesn't he just quit?

Same reason you don't quit.

Systemic economic inequality.

Speaking of, have you seen

Maxandra this morning?

No. And why do you

call her that?

You know she hates it.

She brought me

from an orphanage,

saying "mother"

would feel like a lie.

Come on.

That's a little strong.

Look, she's doing

the best she can.

And she loves

the sh*t out of you.

I think the real question is

why do you love

the sh*t out of her?

Love is a really,

really big word, Zadie.

And, look, the truth is

no one's believed in me

like your mom has, so I--

-Zadie?

-Hi, Roger.

Hello, dear.

[mouths] That's your--

-Is your mother around?

-Maxandra is upstairs.

And who's this?

This is Mike.

Mike is the new director

for Isabel Ascendant.

-Ah, right.

-What's up?

Roger Rattigan.

Michael Jeffrey Lane.

I hope Max didn't schedule

to meet both of us

at the same time.

-He's staying here.

-Ah.

-Mm-hmm.

-Well, no conflict then.

No.

I hope the theater itself

has treated you well thus far.

Oh, she's been a pleasure

to be inside of.

[Roger] It's got such

a wonderful feel.

I'm looking forward to seeing

how you improve

such a classic.

I can't wait for you

to experience it.

It's a little rough,

so be nice.

Okay.

-Woods.

-Sound. Go.

["Mercy" by Jacob Banks

plays over speakers]

Followed your name

Into the wild

Yeah, yeah

Showed you my shame

I ran a mile

I sing your lullaby

Your melodies

Like a symphony

[dancers cheer approval]

We burn the same

Inside a fire

I just need a little mercy

-Mercy on me

-[dancers cheer]

I just need a little mercy

Mercy on me

I drank your holy water

Your liberty

Your make-believe

I just need a little mercy

Mercy on me

I just need a little mercy

Mercy

[dancers cheer]

I just need a little mercy

Mercy

Bravo. Bravo.

Bravo. Bellissimo.

Now that is class.

Yeah. No, that was great.

Um, yeah,

I got to figure out, uh...

where it goes in the show.

Uh, but, yeah,

it was-- It was great.

All right, Harry, let's go.

["Permission" by Ro James

plays over speakers]

Give it to her.

Oh

Take your time, boy.

Show her.

With your permission

I just wanna spend

a little time with you

Yep.

That's it.

Hey, give her the business.

Tonight I wanna be

a little me on you

Uh, uh.

Uh-oh. [laughs]

With your permission

I wanna spend the night

sippin' on you

That's it. That's it.

All right, sick.

Look, I mean, you can't

dance any better than that.

That's perfect.

I mean, the only--

If I had a little note

it would just be

this specific dance

is a little more like f*cking

than dancing.

And you know, look, the song

is called "Permission,"

so once you get permission

you got to keep it,

and you got to--

The only way to do that is to

keep a connection with her.

Here, watch. Look, see if you

can see the difference.

["Permission" by Ro James

plays over speakers]

Like, literally you don't even

have to dance at all.

-Hi.

-Hey.

-Can I touch you?

-Of course.

-Yeah? You sure?

-Yeah.

With your permission

I just wanna spend

a little time with you

[dancers cheer encouragement]

With your permission

Tonight I wanna be

a little me on you

Aw, yeah

With your permission

I wanna spend the night

sippin' on you

You know what I'm talking

about baby, yeah

Woody! Woody, Woody,

Woody, Woody.

I don't understand.

You have this beautiful

legendary stage...

but you're hovering

around the chair.

I mean, you can do the same...

[grunts]

over here, or your...

[grunts]

-over there.

-Mm-hmm.

No woman

wants to be suffocated

by testculos.

That's fair.

It's nice to expand, you know?

Okay.

Less testiculars

and expansion.

[sighs]

[electronic

instrumental music plays]

[no other sounds audible]

[Zadie] Some scholars

suggest that dance

once was a form

of communication

as integral to our daily life

as eating or sleeping.

Traditionally,

tribal courtship dances

allowed dancers

of opposite sexes

to engage

in socially acceptable

physical contact

before they were even

allowed to speak

to one another.

Only when

a leisure class began

to emerge out of early

economic development

did humans begin to view dance

as a source of pleasure apart

from its original purpose,

to bridge people together

from different worlds...

to heal wounds

when words would not suffice.

All right, you all ready?

Play back.

["All About You" by Jack

Rayner plays over speakers]

All right. Stop!

Stop the music! Stop!

Hey! Excuse me,

who the hell are you?

City of Westminster.

Historical Architecture

High Committee.

Well, I'm the owner of this

theater. Is there a problem?

Oh, I would think so.

Anything else?

You'll be hearing from us.

[whispers] We're f*cked.

[Zadie] "The owner must obtain

written approval

to make material changes

to property.

If changes be made without

approval or special exemption,

the owner must restore

the theater

to its original condition

and then file

for approval with the city."

This is Roger

trying to control me.

Even though we are separated

and in the middle of a divorce

because he f*cked

the assistant.

I'm sorry, baby,

but it's not like

it's a secret.

What if we just do it anyway?

I mean, what are they

really gonna do?

"Failure to comply will result

in a fine of 10,000 pounds

per day...

and/or seizure of the property

by the City."

Even if I pay the fine,

he'll find a way to exert

pressure on these people

and force them

to bend the rules.

That's just the way

he operates.

-Isn't it, Victor?

-Well, in my opinion--

We have to go

all the way to the top

because our freedom

is an illusion.

Yes, see when you start

with no rights at all--

So who is this person

we need to seduce

and get them on our side?

I.e., the definition

of corruption.

Zadie, baby...

you should know that the law

is useless

when you're dealing

with entrenched

male power structures.

-Not all male.

-What do you mean?

Edna Eaglebauer.

As the chairwoman,

she has the power

to grant a special exemption.

Hey, Z, what else

do we know about Edna?

[typing]

[Zadie] Um, not much about her

on Google.

Housing records indicate

she's most likely single

and lives alone.

[Mike] That's promising.

[Zadie] Um, she's got

no presence on social media.

Asides her bio

on the council website.

[Max] Check if she has

a pet or a hobby.

[Zadie] Not that I can tell.

She's a ghost.

[electronic

instrumental music plays]

[no other sounds audible]

[Jackson] I'll tell you what...

this bird's got to have

a heart of stone

to shut down Swan Lake.

Maybe, but everybody

wants something.

We just got to keep looking.

What if she didn't even know

what she wants?

Well, that never stopped men

from coming up

with the wrong answer.

Come on, guys,

give me something.

Victor, don't just sit there.

I'll m*rder her

for the right price.

That might be the best idea.

But, look, this feels like

a woman's perspective

sort of a thing.

Like what did you want

before Miami?

I just wanted

to escape my life.

But then...

someone came along and

gave me this unexpected

magical moment that made

me remember who I really was.

It was like a little treasure.

Okay, so we need to figure out

who Edna was before

she became a bureaucrat

and tap into that then.

That's it!

[orchestral music playing;

no other sounds audible]

[tiny bell rings]

[deep breath]

[Max] I don't understand why

you don't want "Suavemente."

[Mike] I don't think-- No.

I love "Suavemente."

[Max] It's a great song.

-It's a different b*at.

-It is great. I agree.

We just don't need it

right now.

Look, it-- Look,

hear me out. It's Isabel...

Unicorn, "Champagne,"

"Sex Machine..."

-Oh, trust me...

-"Permission," "Suits."

I know it by heart.

And you know what's more

important than "Suavemente"?

We still don't have

a grand finale.

Well, great. We'll make one.

It's a group number.

Most important part

of the whole show.

And then everybody

will dance out into the crowd.

It'll be amazing.

-Oh, that's so random.

-Why is that random?

Everybody dancing

in the crowd.

We've done that already.

It's got to be

something different,

something personal.

They're all good and personal,

and they're there

for a reason. I don't--

Why are you doing this

right now?

Why are you making it, like,

we don't have a good show?

I know. You should be

dancing in it.

You have lost your mind.

What are you talking about?

I'm not dancing in the show.

Why are you saying no

to everything I say?

-I'm not saying no.

-Have you noticed that?

I've said yes on every

single part of the show.

We need something climactic,

different, something personal.

Great, then do

something personal.

Give me something

that I don't know about you.

Why is it about me?

This is about women.

You're a woman. I'm not.

I'm not gonna be dancing

in the show.

Why don't you

make it personal?

Well, do whatever you want.

Do the thing that you and

Antonio have been making.

It's great.

That's personal, ain't it?

[Max] Hey, it's your show.

Give me something

that's yours.

Open up.

-[Mike] I did.

-When?

[Mike] The whole--

This whole time.

And if you haven't seen it,

I don't know

what to tell you about it.

Well, I don't know what

to tell you about it since

I tried to kiss you

and you pulled away.

You don't know how to open up.

That's why you need

the "Suavemente."

Oh! Still waiting for passing

trade, you nosy f*ck!

[groans in frustration]

Your turn; he's impossible.

[Mike sighs]

[Victor clears throat]

Yes, Victor?

I did not say anything.

Yeah. Yeah. You're always

saying something in your head.

Just say it out loud, man.

[Victor sighs]

You see,

the problem with Max is

she tends to

overcomplicate things.

[chuckles] Yeah.

Especially when she knows

exactly what she wants.

And she knows exactly

what she wants

when it comes to you.

Why do you work for her?

You could easily

work for Roger.

She's got bigger balls.

[door opens]

Listen, m*therf*cker.

-I rest my case.

-Yeah.

You better make up your mind

because you're

driving me crazy.

Oh, just-- Yeah,

you're driving me crazy.

What are you doing?

Just stop.

-Okay, just shut up.

-No, you stop.

You shut up.

I just want a happy ending.

[speaking Spanish]

[whispers] You're an insane

person. You know that, right?

[Max] Mm-hmm.

[speaking Spanish]

[singing in Spanish]

[both singing "Suavemente"]

["Suavemente" by Elvis Crespo

plays over speakers]

[Zadie] Given the debate

and confusion

around the word

"love" generally...

what are we to make

of the word "love"

in the context of dancing?

If you love dancing

with someone,

does that mean on some level

that you love them?

What other feelings are

exchanged during a dance?

Can you dance with someone

you don't trust?

Should you trust someone

just because they can dance?

Max and Mike weren't

thinking about this,

but they should have been.

[Edna] Stop the music!

Stop the music!

Stop the music.

-Edna?

-Edna?

I am so sorry, Ms. Mendoza.

I am so deeply sorry

to each and every one of you

beautiful creatures.

Sorry for what?

Height restrictions

for stage risers.

Apparently, your new stage

is three quarters of an inch

too high.

Your exemption

has been denied.

You're to shut down

immediately.

But you had already

approved it!

I got a call from an

MP's office. It's law. [sighs]

There's nothing I can do.

Keep working. I'll take care

of this. I'll be right back.

Okay.

How f*cking dare you?

You're not shutting me

down again. Not this time.

Max, I sincerely

want to rebuild our trust.

-[scoffs]

-In the meantime,

I'm just trying

to look out for you.

How is shutting down my show

looking out for me?

I'm not talking

about the show.

Then what are you

talking about?

I'm talking

about your judgment.

I'm talking what I witnessed

in the kitchen

in front of our daughter.

Roger, I wouldn't

get into a dispute

about judgment with me

right now.

You handed my family's theater

over to a f*cking stripper.

You don't know anything

about Mike.

I know when you're being used.

Don't you see that?

No.

Darling, I know

we're all getting old,

but I didn't know

you were so desperate.

f*ck you!

We care for each other.

Max, have you even read

our settlement agreement?

The language about denigrating

or harming the family brand?

The moment that show goes up,

mother's barristers

will be clawing back

every last shilling in court

and I won't be able

to stop her.

But if you're still too

deluded to help yourself,

please be mindful of Zadie.

She shouldn't have to pay

the price for your fantasies.

Would you please stop it?

What?

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking,

"What was she thinking?"

You weren't thinking,

were you?

You were falling in love.

Oh, shut the f*ck up.

You think I don't know that?

And don't you dare judge me.

You were not there.

That one f*cking dance...

changed everything in me.

It feels like it made me

the best version of myself...

but everybody's

laughing at me.

I'm a joke. An embarrassment.

[sighs] Not to him though.

He believes in me.

I have to go tell him

that our show about empowering

women is dead...

because I'm so

f*cking powerless.

The most frightening part

is that...

I'm about to find out

if that dance

meant as much to him

as it did to me.

Or if I'm just another

g*dd*mn Tuesday.

No, you're more like

a Thursday, madame.

Have I always

been this adolescent?

No. Only when it's raining.

One, two, three, four, five,

six, seven, eight.

One.

Mike.

Uh, Jack, keep taking

them through.

What the f*ck you mean

"we're done"?

I'm sorry. I did my best,

but I failed.

-Wait. What-- All right.

-Victor will come back

and pick you up,

and he can arrange

a flight for you tomorrow.

No, no, no. What happened?

This isn't you.

What the f*ck is going on

with you, Max?

[exhales]

Nothing.

What? Un-f*cking-believable.

You really are the Queen of

the First Act, huh? Holy sh*t.

You don't know

anything about me.

And you don't

understand anything.

It's Friday.

They wouldn't pull the plug

on us until Monday.

But you're walking away.

You have no show.

You couldn't even come up

with an ending.

You cannot say that

what we've created so far

isn't f*cking special.

You cannot say that.

I know you can't.

I'm sorry, but we're gonna

have to let it go.

You'll still get paid.

Hey! Hey, look, I don't give

a f*ck about the money.

I don't f*cking care.

Okay?

We're good at this

and I'm not gonna

f*cking just let us

give up on it.

You're so good at this.

I bet you he never cared about

what you were good at. Did he?

Don't let this be the end.

Uh. Uh.

[dancers indistinct chatter]

-Woody!

-Lay it on me, gov.

I need a plumber

and a ballerina.

The princess

is on a hunger strike.

Won't even open the door.

What? She's not even drinking?

I'm afraid not.

Did you try using your

"wise British butler" voice?

Trust me, I went full metal

Downton Abbey on her ass.

And if that bloke doesn't pull

his head from his own ass...

you'll be parented

from behind a closed door

for months. Years, even.

But you didn't tell her

you slipped Mike the keys?

[scoffs] Please.

If the lawyers found out

her careless manservant...

failed to lock

The Rattigan doors,

she'll need

plausible deniability.

If there's anything

I've learned,

it's that you can't tell

people anything.

They have to have

an experience.

[cell phone chimes]

Message from Mike.

"End is not ending.

"Sunday at 7:00 we roll.

The Grand Finale."

Let me see that.

Crikey, it's a haiku.

Seventeen syllables

in a five-seven-five pattern.

Purely coincidence,

but still...

there's hope for him

after all.

Sounds like Sunday's

gonna be an experience.

Doesn't it just?

["It's Over if We Run

Out of Love"

by David Holmes plays]

[no other sounds audible]

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

Follow me.

[knock on door]

[Victor clears his throat]

Put some clothes on, Maxandra.

Why would I do that?

We have to go.

Where?

You know where.

-He didn't.

-He did.

No, he didn't.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. No.

No, it's gonna be a disaster.

[Victor] No, it's not.

Oh, it's going to be

a disaster.

No, no, no. I can't. I can't.

Uh, uh, no.

-Yes, you can.

-No, I can't go.

Come on.

No, I won't go

and you can't make me.

Mom.

We have to go.

[inhales sharply]

[Max sobs softly]

Here you go. There.

[cries] Victor.

[Zadie] The rumors

about the show

were a form of entertainment

for some.

But for the two people

who created it,

the terror of

the opening night

could only be managed

by remembering

there would be

no record of it.

Only the people who were

there would ever experience

the story of Max and Mike

as told through dance.

There's small ships,

there's tall ships,

there're ships

that sail the sea...

there's no ships

like friendships,

so here's to you and me.

One, two, three.

Let's go.

[chants] We are strippers!

Whoo!

[exhales] All right, man.

-Let's go.

-Yes.

Break a leg, everyone.

Alex, cue one and sound. Go.

-[shushing]

-[man whistling a tune]

The light is different.

It's November. It's lower.

Harold's worried about lunch.

He said the menu

is diabolical.

[slight chuckle]

The menu is diabolical?

How can a menu be diabolical?

Only a person

can be diabolical.

A menu isn't alive.

Well, either way,

he's worried.

And you're worried about him?

I don't envy him finding out.

-Well, I'll tell him.

-Isabel, no. It's impossible.

-He has to know.

-He can never know.

Harold.

Hello, darling. Walter.

Drinks?

[Walter] Will you still be

going to Calais?

[Harold] No. I've decided

to spend the summer here.

You see, Isabel is pregnant.

[Walter] Oh. Congratulations.

[Harold] Yes.

We are very pleased.

We are hoping

to have a son, of course.

That way the legacy of

Chuffingham will be secure.

And if not,

we will keep trying.

One of the benefits

of having a young wife.

[Walter] I'm sure Isabel

will make a wonderful mother.

[Harold] No doubt.

And of course my mother

will be here to help.

Unicorn! Unicorn! Unicorn!

[whimsical music

plays over the speakers]

[unicorn galloping

over the speakers]

[unicorn neighing

over the speakers]

- [Mike] Hello, Lady Isabel.

-[Max gasps]

[Hannah] Unicorn?

Why, yes, it's me, Unicorn.

Did you call for me?

Yeah, but I didn't expect you

to show up out of the blue.

I haven't spoken

to my imaginary friend

since I was a child.

[Max slightly chuckles]

Am I okay?

[Mike] Hmm, well, that depends

on what your definition

of okay is

but first things first,

why don't you tell us

how you really feel.

[harp music

plays over speakers]

[audience gasps]

Well...

I don't know.

These two guys shouldn't be

my only two options

in the world, should they?

I mean, why do I even need

to feel like I choose?

Like, it's between

the shitty rich guy

and the poor guy

with a heart of gold.

I mean, come on,

all I really want right now

is to tell these boring

bags of dicks

to leave me alone!

[chimes play

over the speakers]

[audience cheers]

[Mike] That's right,

Lady Isabel.

See, I'm here to tell you

that you can have

anything you want.

All you have to do is ask.

[Hannah] What? Okay. Really?

-Really.

-Okay.

Well, I am a modest lady,

so... [sighs]

what if all I wanted

was just a guy

in a t*nk top and some jeans?

[chimes play

over the speakers]

[audience cheers]

[approval sounds]

[Max chuckles]

Okay, well,

if I can have that then...

what about a bad boy--

hold up, hold up--

who always responds

to my texts.

[chimes play

over the speakers]

[audience cheers]

Ooh. All right.

And now,

if I can have that then...

a sexy CEO who pays his

women more than his men!

[chimes play

over the speakers]

- [audience cheers]

-Ooh, me-ow.

What about a guy with a puppy?

[chimes play

over the speakers]

[audience awes]

[Hannah makes approval noises]

Okay, let me just swallow

my saliva

that's literally dripping out

of my mouth right now.

If I could have all of that,

why stop there?

[chimes play

over the speakers]

[audience cheers]

Wait a minute.

I can't be the only person

in this room

to feel what I'm feeling

right now. Am I?

[audience] No!

I didn't think so.

I can tell by the looks

on your faces.

Now I want every single one

of you to know

how I'm feeling

right this very second.

I managed to have

a little bit of everything.

And now, it's your turn.

So, by the power vested in me

through this Magic Mike...

I command thee, Unicorn,

send everything to us all

right now!

[audience cheers]

["Champagne Life"

by Ne Yo plays over speakers]

["Sail" by AWOLNATION

plays over speakers]

Uh...

["Be Faithful" by Fatman Scoop

ft. Crooklyn Clan plays]

Hey!

Single ladies!

I can't hear ya!

Single ladies! Make noise!

What's your zodiac sign?

What's your zodiac sign?

What's your zodiac sign?

How do you feel about

your new reality, everybody?

Make some bloody noise.

[chuckles]

Give it up. Give it up

for these gorgeous lads

who busted into a sweat

just for all of you.

Come on, make a little noise.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what I like to hear.

That's what I love to hear.

A little bit of noise

on this stage

doesn't go amiss, sweethearts.

And let me tell you one thing,

a body at rest...

is a body at rest. Right?

Eh, you know, not bad.

But a body in motion...

[Hannah makes approval noises]

[audience cheers]

There is absolutely

nothing sexier...

than a body in motion.

Am I right?

[audience cheers]

So for our next act,

I want you to give it up...

ladies and gentlemen

for the trickster prince

him bloody self.

Give it up, everybody,

for Mr. JD Rainey.

[audience cheers]

["Get Up, Sex Machine (Remix)"

by James Brown plays]

[speaking Spanish]

[audience cheers]

[whistles]

["Juice" by Pell

and Young Franco plays]

[no other sounds audible]

["Boys Better"

by The Dandy Warhols plays]

[no other sounds audible]

[audience cheers]

-I think we should leave now.

-Where are we going?

Mike said to leave

at the end of "Suits"

and return

at the end of "Pony."

Oh, yes, yes. So you go.

And no peeking.

He'll be watching you.

[Hannah] Now folks,

this next dance

is one that

I'm well-acquainted with.

Things are about

to get intimate.

[audience cheers]

Now, a real man isn't afraid

to act on his desire...

but the sexiest act

of submission...

is asking for permission.

["Permission" by Ro James

plays over speakers]

[audience cheers]

[audience cheers]

[audience cheers]

-Break a leg, gov.

-[Mike kisses]

Aw, bless ya.

I know. I know.

We all want

a little bit of everything

all of the time. Don't we?

But...

sometimes you just want to be

everything to someone. Right?

Sometimes, the greatest

fantasy of them all...

is knowing

that you're the only one.

[sound of thunderstorm

over speakers]

[audience cheers]

[haunting instrumental music

plays over speakers]

[slight gasp]

[audience shouts

approval sounds]

["Open Up" by Gallant

plays over speakers]

[audience cheers]

[audience cheers]

You said to go hard,

and so I did what you said.

I mean, you know.

Oh, God.

We showed up.

["Pony" by Ginuwine

plays over speakers]

That's "Pony."

Mike said after "Pony."

No, he just said "Pony."

He definitely said

after "Pony"

and they're still

on their ponies. Now sit.

[Victor sighs]

[audience cheers]

Yes!

Come on, they're applauding.

It must be over now.

[slight chuckle] Very well.

["Love in This Club" feat.

Young Jeezy plays on speakers]

[Mike laughs]

So amazing. [chuckles]

[Mike laughs]

Wait a minute. Just a second.

Thank you very much, Mr. Mike.

Very nice, my friend.

-You look beautiful.

-Congratulations.

-Huh?

-Congratulations. You did it.

What are you talking about?

We did it.

You did it. It was amazing.

Look around.

All this is because of you.

You are sublime.

Look, I just want you to know

I love you. Okay?

Wait. Wait, wait, wait.

If you're not gonna leave him,

I don't want this

to be more confusing.

It's done. I'm never, ever,

ever going back to him.

I am free and I am broke.

What do you mean? You're--

What do you mean you're broke?

-Yeah.

-Like broke, broke?

I'm s-- I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

It's okay. I don't care.

No, I'm-- I'm just--

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[footsteps approaching]

[Mike chuckles]

I hate you.

Come on, let's go. [laughs]

[Zadie] No one can claim

to fully understand

what exactly dance is...

but what is abundantly clear

is that dance seeks

no meaning for its desires.

It does not value age

or status, logic or reason.

It is a compass orientated

only to liberty,

not unlike the human heart.

I stumbled upon these wisdoms

when I met a lonely stripper

named Mike.

["Don't Be Afraid"

by Diplo and Damian Lazarus

playing]

["All About You"

by Stevie Brock

playing]

["It's Over if We Run

Out of Love"

by David Holmes plays]