01x03 - I'm Your Pusher

[bunniefuu]

Ugh. f*ck off, already.

The f*ck, man?

Go the f*ck away!

All right, my son?

- Know who I am?
- Who?

Good. Let's keep it that way.

Jesus.

Oswald Daneeka.
Drug dealer

to the superhuman community.

- Whatever they want, you get.
- Exactly, m*therf*cker.

So you know who I can call
and what they can do to you.

So get the f*ck out of here,
before I...

Where do you keep
all the dead kids' blood, then?

Eh? Up here?

I don't know what the f*ck
you're talking about.

'Course you do.

Dead kids' blood, you know,

from leukemia
and fibrosis and that.

The big metal c**t, Ironcast,

he drinks it recreationally.

Says he can taste the despair.

Also says it's the only thing
that raises the flag

these days.

"Oh, f*ck, he knows.

How the f*ck can he know? How?"

But I know everything, mate,
rest assured.

I know you get crystal
for them two muppets,

A-Train and Jack from Jupiter.

I know you get Queen Maeve
her happy pills.

And I know you get coke
for that c**t the Homelander.

Cut with human adrenaline,
the way he likes it.

Wonder who that comes from?

Never mind.

It pays for all this,
doesn't it?

Oh, and don't you supply
the Great Wide Wonder?

'Course, he's not
one of the Seven,

but a customer's a customer,
right?

Tell me something, son.

What's he into?

I'm not telling you
a f*cking thing.

Okay. All right. All right!
Enemas.

Is that right?

Heroin enemas, man.

I'm the only one he trusts
to fix them right.

Okay, and here we go.

Stroll on.

Well, when you're doing
what only you can do for him,

you're gonna make sure
this finds its way into the mix.

What is that?

It's something a mad French
bastard I know came up with.

Said it'll suit the Great Wide
Wonder right down to the ground.

Okay.

Okay, I mean,

I guess I don't have
a choice, do I?

Die, you old fucker!

No, no, no, please.

Oh, God! Oh, God, no.
No, no, no!

You'll believe a c**t can fly.

Except you won't.

Aah! Oh, God. Please. Oh, f*ck.

Come on, O.D.

What bloody use would you be to
me spread all over the street

like strawberry jam?

Nah, what I'll do
if you don't slip this sh*t

to the Great Wide w*nk*r
is call a nasty bastard I know

at the D.E.A.
You know what your supes

will do for you then, don't ya?

- Oh, geez, f*ck...
- f*ck off at warp factor nine,

that's what they'll do,
leaving you on your Jack Jones.

And you know
where you'll end up after that?

Prison, where you'll spend
the rest of your days

with huge and horrible men
using you as a condom

while they make huge
and horrible love.

I'll be in touch.
You just make sure

he gets the good news
like I told you.

Oh, Jesus, man.

What did I do to deserve this?

Come on, Terror.
Off we go, mate.

Oh, f*ck.

Sorted?

Good.

Who's this f*cking guy?

The strong, silent type.

Oh...
Very funny.

This is f*cking dangerous, man.

What if they spot me?
They'll know I spiked his sh*t.

No one's gonna be
looking at us, believe me.

And I didn't want you to miss
all the fun you helped stir up.

Hello, New York.

Speaking of.

Are you ready to give it up

for the greatest heroes
the world has ever known?

From the Seven,

Jack from Jupiter!

Hello, Earthlings. Cheerio!

Thank you, thank you.

Queen Maeve!

k*ll me.

f*cking hate this.

And the man himself,

the Homelander!

Good morning!

- Homelander!
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Great to see you.

We're here to recognize a hero

who shines so brightly,
we can wait no longer

to bestow upon him
our very highest honor.

Please welcome

the Great Wide Wonder!

Yeah!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Are we gonna do this?!

All right. Yeah!

Great Wide Wonder!

Where my people?!

Super Hero Hall of Fame!

Okay. How far he has come.

How high he has flown.

Through the fiery crucible
of battle he has soared and...

And-And so...

we induct him
into the Superhero Hall of Fame!

As he flies
through the flaming ring

held aloft by Ironcast.

And now,
let the Great Wide Wonder soar.

Papa needs a new pair of shoes!

Why, man?

I mean, why do you want to f*ck
with these f*cking guys anyway?

Your mate there...
The Great Wide Wonder...

He was at a party last year.

Private celebration
after he gave

the commencement address
at Columbia.

Took a couple
of honor students for...

well, I suppose you'd call it
a flying f*ck.

Thing is, it's a bit
f*cking cold way up there.

By the time they twigged,
he didn't give a sh*t,

that it was part
of the fun for him,

it was too late.

As far as we know,
they're still up there in orbit.

Jesus f*cking Christ.

Never heard anything like that.

Everyone we know's got
a story like that.

- What is it he does, anyway?
- He flies really fast.

You know, "Ride around the world
with the Great Wide Wonder,"

and all that.

Yes, but there's fast,
and then there's...

I'd say about Mach 1.5.

- Ow!
- Ow, f*ck me.

Mach 2.

Aah!

- Oh, Jesus f*cking Christ.
- Holy sh*t.

What the f*ck?!

Oh, my God!

Jings, Frenchie.
What'd you put in that stuff?

What in
the f*cking Christ was that?!

What do we f*cking do now?

The usual?

Hidden in the light of the sun.

Kroll w*r satellite!

I see it. I see the ship.

- Where?
- There! Look right in the sun.

What?

By the many moons
of my home world.

Galaxius has returned once more.

But the Great Wide Wonder?

All we can do now is avenge him.

Quick thinking,
Wonder Tits.

Oh.
Oh, I'm gonna be sick.

Yeah. Quite a result, wasn't it?

Two for the price of one.

Right. We'll be in touch, mate.

I was thinking
you might be O.D.'s handler.

- Oh, thanks a million.
- Come on, Hughie.

Think of the fun to be had.

I mean, spiking supes, mate.

You're trying to tell me
you didn't enjoy that?

Define "enjoy."

♪