02x13 - A-Park-a-Lypse

[bunniefuu]

- The hunters got your mother,
baby eagle.

But you're gonna be okay.

[Gasps]
- [shrieks]

- Mount brickleberry
is a volcano?

[Rustling]

- There is much
about brickleberry

You do not know,
ethel anderson.

- How did you know
my name?

- Our gods tell us
many things.

- Also, once we google

"Spring break 2008
a**l creampie,"

Safe search off.
Your picture come up.

- Nice to meet you
in person.

- Can we get back to the part
about the volcano, please?

- Our tribe has legend.

One day, brickleberry
will be no more.

Volcano is sign.

- Come with us to
our people's most holy place.

Gods create brickleberry.
Hope it last many season.

- But one day,
gods tire of brickleberry.

- Say, once people
of brickleberry entertain us,

Make us laugh.

Now, no one watch
their adventures.

- Seasons end.
Gods not renew.

- People say, gods,
bring back brickleberry.

Start online petition.

Gods not listen.

- If our world's about to end,
why don't you look worried?

- Because we're looking
at this.

- Whoo! Spring break,
mother[bleep]!

- [Donkey brays]

- [Screams]

- ♪ Brickleberry

- So I surveyed the volcano
and, scientifically speaking,

It is very unlikely
to erupt.

- Well, I just wanna say,
if that thing does erupt,

We will not evacuate!

- Well, we'll kinda have to.

- I...don't...evacuate.

I didn't evacuate
during the forest fires of '96,

The flood of '01,
or the--

- Wait, I thought you said
you evacuated during katrina.

- No, I said I evacuated
on katrina.

Great girl, katrina.

I would've married her

If she wasn't such a prude
in the bedroom.

"No a**l"
blah, blah, blah.

- Sorry to interrupt,

But I'm gonna need, like,
a half day off tomorrow...

To give birth.

- [Gasps]
- wha-wha-wha-wha-what!

- You're pregnant?
- Yeah, for nine months.

I can't believe none of you
noticed my baby bump.

- Your body has a lotta bumps.

We can't keep track
of what they all are.

- Well, this one's a baby.
Wait.

No, this one's a baby.

Uh, I think.

- I'd like to meet the guy
that had sex with you.

Is he still in there?

- I'm a surrogate mother,
silly.

Helping a nice gay couple
have a baby.

- Hang on! Y'all ignoring
the elephant in the room.

- What? Connie never gets
this much attention.

- How is everybody so calm?
A volcano's about to go off,

And connie's obviously
giving birth to the antichrist.

It's the end
of the mother[bleep] world!

- Here he goes again.
- Yeah.

- Denzel, last year, you saw
the face of the antichrist

In 12 different slices
of burnt toast.

- Yeah. Maybe the toaster
was set on "anti-crust."

- [Laughing]
[bleep] you, toaster!

- Laugh all you want,
but I know the antichrist.

When I was young,
I spent a lotta time in church,

And my preacher said
the antichrist was real.

- [Speaking in tongues]

Abba abba foray
seba doo-dah sah dah dey dey.

Oohra suli rah-dah-dah-diddy!

Aah dah da oh!

- At least,
that's what I think he said.

- Denzel,
you're being ridiculous.

- All I'm saying is,
virgin birth, nice-looking?

Jesus christ.

Virgin birth, connie-looking?
Antichrist.

- Uh, guys?
I think my...

Yep, my water broke.

All: ugh!

- Connie,
your baby's gay parents

Should be on their way
to the hospital now.

- Oh, good.

- Uh, they should be,

But they just d*ed
in a hilarious car accident.

- What!
Oh, no.

- Don't fret, connie.

It's very easy
to sell a white baby.

Ka-ching!

- No, I'm keeping it.

- Well, good for you.

And bad for dubai's
open air baby-sl*ve market.

Now, connie, labor can sometimes
take 24 to 48 hours.

So prepare yourself
for a long--

- Whoa!
[Baby crying]

- Damn it, bodean.

I told you to pack our sh*t,
not our sheep!

- Oh, hey, woody.
What are you doing here?

Ain't you supposed
to be evacuating like us?

- Boys, you know
I don't evacuate.

I laugh in the face
of hurricanes, earthquakes,

Godzilla, even nicki minaj.

But just between us,
I'm terrified of volcanoes.

- Why's that?

- Have you ever heard
of pompeii?

- Yeah, I caught that
by screwing bobby's sister.

- Yeah.
She gave it to me too.

- No, you idiots.

Pompeii was an ancient city
that was destroyed by a volcano.

The people
were all covered with lava,

Frozen forever doing whatever
they were doing when they d*ed.

What if I get covered
with lava

While I'm doing
something embarrassing?

Like this guy.
- That's how my daddy went.

We had to have
a closed casket.

- Focus, hillbillies!

Now I can't have
no archaeologist of the future

Finding me and thinking
I'm some kind of perv

Just 'cause a volcano got me
while I was milking my prostate.

For health reasons.

Boys, can you build me
a secret volcano-proof bunker?

- We already got one.

We built it to survive
the obama-lypse.

- This is my beautiful baby.
His name is donnie.

- Aww!
- What a pretty name!

- Thanks.
I got it out of a book.

I didn't have time to
go through the other book.

- "Bacardi, listerine,
arugula."

- Oh, there's my shopping list.
[Laughs]

Now, connie,
I'm sorry about this,

But federal guidelines dictate

That I don't have
to let you breastfeed at work

Unless you got a real sweet set
of milkies.

- What's wrong with my boobs?

- Besides the fact that you also
have a back set?

- Aah! Antichrist!
Antichrist!

- This is going too far,
denzel!

- That baby's evil.
I'll prove it!

- How?
- Through science.

[Cocks g*n]

If I sh**t it in the face
and it lives, it's the devil.

- Okay! Okay!

sh**t it
if it will shut you up.

- No!

I thought you were
my friend, denzel!

How could you say those
horrible things about my baby?

[Crying]

- It's just a baby, denzel.

- This has got to stop.
You really upset connie.

- Next time don't hesitate.
Aim for the fontanelle.

- All right! Enough with
the black baby names.

I guess I should apologize
to connie and donnie.

- Leave the g*n!
- Fine!

Connie, I'm sorry...

- [Farts]

- Uh, donnie, I'm not good
at this apology stuff, but...

I'm sorry I said
you were the antichrist.

Maybe when you grow up
a little, you and I can--

- [Demonic voice]
apology accepted.

- Oh, thanks, donnie.
You're pretty cool.

Wait, you can talk?

- Denzel, I'm going
to rip out your d*ck

And feed it
to the demons of hell!

[Growling]

- [Screaming]

- ♪ Oh, who's my cute baby?

♪ You're my cute baby!

♪ I love my cute baby

♪ 'Cause he's a cute baby!

♪ Cute, cute, cute, cute,
baby, baby, cute! ♪

♪ Love him! Cute!

- He said he was going
to rip my d*ck off

And feed it to a demon.

He the g*dd*mn
antichrist!

- Seriously?
That sounds horrifying!

I'm about
to eat a hot pocket.

You want to double-check
it's not beelzebub

Before I pop it
in the microwave?

- Hot pocket!
[All laughing]

You're fat!

- Okay, then why does
that happen?

- [Humming]

- There's a simple scientific
explanation, denzel.

Clearly, pesticides have
built up in the groundwater.

[Donnie crying]

[Birds chirping]

[Birds shrieking]

- And how does science
explain that sh*t?

- There are several
avian disorders

That can cause birds
to die mid-flight.

- Oh, yeah?
Well, what about that?

- Hey, look!

It's a sunny circle
and a happy star!

- Aww.
- Yep.

- That sounds about right.
- Aw, come on!

- You can stay with me
in the bunker, cubsie wubsie.

Everyone else will
die in a firestorm of lava.

- Why don't we just move,
you [bleep] maniac!

- And voo-la!
Our top secret bunker.

- So is this the elevator
to the bunker?

- Are you sure this thing
is volcano-proof?

- Oh, it's everything-proof.

Keeps out zombies,
draculas, dragons...

- And jews.

- Hot dog!
It's like a dream come true!

- And once this door
is closed,

It can't ever be opened
from the outside.

Ever.
I mean, ev-er.

- Uh-oh, bobby.

I think we put the door
on backwards.

- Holy sh*t!

You mean we're trapped
in here forever?

- Oh, no, not forever.
Just till we die.

- Well, thanks for boosting
my spirits, [bleep]face!

- Steve,
you're my best friend.

Just give me a chance to prove
what that baby really is.

- [Groans]
not this again.

- Come on, steve!

This volcano blew its top
on the day donnie was born.

It's a sign
of the apocalypse!

Look at the clouds
around it!

[Ominous music]

- All I see is an elephant
flying an airplane and--

Wait, what's that?
A giraffe with titties.

- Damn, you stupid, steve.

- Hey, connie.
How's the baby?

- I've come to realize

That donnie is different
from other babies.

- It's about time!
We gotta k*ll--

- He's gifted!
He's so smart,

He likes watching baby einstein
videos backwards.

Look.

- k*ll, k*ll, k*ll.

Sa--sa-tan.

- Satan.
My sweet satan.

- It's weird.

I learn as much from donnie
as he learns from me.

Like today, he's been
teaching me biblical aramaic!

- Al es-bataar qumran
iskatu rakanoth!

- Isn't he the cutie-wutest?

- So, um, connie?

How exactly
was this baby conceived?

- It was a pretty standard
artificial insemination.

- Okay, my dear,
this won't take a minute.

[All chanting]
ave satanas! Sanguis bibimus!

- [Roaring]

- Oh, hell, no.

You guys are messing
with me, right?

- Thanks for coming by,
but I gotta feed donnie now.

- So we're stuck down here
the rest of our lives?

- At least you're old
and near death.

Think of me.

- Great! What are we supposed
to do now?

- Repopulate the earth!
Who wants some?

- Anything else we can do?

- I did install
an activity center.

Who wants to play sorry?

- Uh, bobby?
All the pieces are missing.

- Damn you, goodwill!

- Oh, you two morons
are really f*ring up

My irritable bowel syndrome.

Now where's the shitter
in this tootincommon tool shed?

- Oh, it's right over--
uh, uh, eh...

sh*t!
Where is the bathroom?

- Well, remember, bobby,

You decided to go
with the crown molding

Instead of the toilet.

- Well, somebody's gotta think
about resale value.

- No bathroom?
I've got to go!

- Try to take your mind
off of it.

Here, have a snack.

- We got prunes, coffee,
refried beans.

And for dessert we got them
chocolate ex-lax candies.

- [Grunts]

- Sorry I doubted you, denzel.
- Don't sweat it.

We just need some help from...
Preacher vernon?

- Eh?

- The antichrist has come.
Just like you said.

- I said that?
- Uh, kind of.

- What should we do?

- Let me see
what the snakes say.

[Snakes hissing]

Oh, he like to bite.
Gotta put him back.

They say...
We got to do a exorcism.

- Did you say "exorcism"?

- I don't know.

I got a lot of snake venom-
related brain malfunction.

Where am i?

Who put these snakes
in my pants?

- ♪ Old macdonald had a farm,
e-i-e-i-o! ♪

♪ And on this farm,
he had a... ♪

- Cacodaemon.

- Cacodaemon? Okay.

♪ With a...
- [Demonic growl]

- ♪ Here, and a...
- [Demonic growl]

- ♪ There. Here a...
- [Demonic growl]

- ♪ There a...
- [Demonic growl]

- ♪ Everywhere a...
- [Demonic growl]

- ♪ Old macdonald had a farm

Both: ♪ e-i-e-i-o!

- Oh, antichrists love
old macdonald.

Just like it say
in the bible.

- Okay. We got holy water,
sharpened stakes,

And a dvd of evil dead 3
for him to sign.

We ready.

- But what chance
do the three of us have

Against the prince of evil?

- The four of us.
I'm in.

- I thought
you only believed in science.

- Oh, I did,
then I baby-sat little donnie.

He puked up
a giant lizard bat,

Then said something about my mom
sucking [bleep] in hell.

[Bleep] science.
Let's exorcise that bitch!

- All right!
Everybody grab a snake!

Now lady, feel free to grab
the one-eyed black one,

But don't you dare
touch my penis.

That belong to jesus.

- Hi, connie, i--

- Shh! It's little donnie's
nap time.

He can't sleep
unless I play classical music.

[Ominous music]

♪

It's because
he's so intelligent.

Do you want to hold him?

[Demonic growl]

- No!

[Music stops]

I mean,
I just came to tell you

The whole g*ng sprang
for a spa day for you!

Because you must be so tired
from taking care of a newborn,

Not evil baby.

- [Groans]
I am pretty worn out.

Donnie drank most
of my blood for lunch.

- Mmm!

Well, steve and denzel
and their friend

Can't wait to take care
of donnie.

- Well, maybe
for a few minutes.

I'm so excited!

I can't believe kate upton
has a side business

Where she gives
erotic massages to completion.

- Yep.
She'll be here any minute.

Just relax.

Let's get rid of those
puffy bags under your eyes!

[Light saber sound effects]

- Zap, boom, boom, boom.
- Zzzzz!

Woo woo woo!
- Zibby zap zap zap.

- Shoom. Boom!
- Boom, zam.

- Bring it on, darth,
you big black son of a bitch.

- [Mimicking filtered breathing]

Luke, I am your daddy.

- No. Wait.
Are you serious, bobby?

- I'ma k*ll you!
I'ma k*ll you!

- [Bleep] you!

Get off me!
Get off me!

- This is definitely better
than those horrible prequels.

- [Grunts]
I'm prairie dogging.

- Quiet! Luke's about
to bite anakin's nose off.

- Oh, I gotta
take a sh*t so big

Kim kardashian
may try to marry it.

I gotta get outta here.

[Yelling]

Aha!
Ha ha ha ha ha!

Uh-oh.

- This is it?

You four think
you can stop me?

- Don't listen to him.

He'll use his lies to try
to make us turn on each other.

- The preacher said
you're a p*ssy.

- What?

- What's wrong with you?
- Like that.

That's a good example
of what we shouldn't let him do.

- [Laughing]

- Oh, laugh now, antichrist.
Because surprise!

We've assembled
an exorcism dream team!

Father quinn!

- I'm going to need to be alone
with the child.

You don't have
a nanny cam, right?

- Rabbi maltzman!
- No, no.

You stay in there, demon.
As long as you're comfortable.

I schlepped all the way here
from brooklyn.

But don't worry about me.

- And witch doctor kuzniak!

- Lucky for us, I went
to medical school in haiti.

- And jorge,
who's seen the exorcist

7 1/2 Times
and let us use his car.

- I'm not with them!
I'm on your side!

- Jorge, shut up.

- Come on,
let me sell you my soul.

I'll sign whatever contract
ben affleck signed.

Whatever!

- [Sighs]
I was up for a challenge.

This is going to be
far too easy.

- The power of christ
compels you!

The power of christ
compels you!

- Shut up.

[All exclaim]

So who wants to choose
how I will k*ll the rest of you?

- Blowjobbed to death?

- You got it.
By rabid hell hounds.

And here we--

[Crying]

- I'm going to write kate upton
a not-so-nice yelp review.

Ethel, what the hell's
going on here?

- We're doing an exorcism
on your crazy-ass devil baby!

- And we almost got blowjobs,
until you showed up!

- Connie, we've got
to trust the lord.

Just like it say
in the bible:

"If the exorcism
don't go so bueno,

Throw that g*dd*mn baby
in a volcano." Ha!

- What? No!

- Sorry, connie,

But it's the only way
to stop the apocalypse.

- You're lucky
we got a volcano right here.

Most people with devil babies
gotta pay

For a plane ticket to hawaii.

- Screw you guys!
Come on, donnie.

I'll protect you,
I promise!

- Get her!
That baby owes us blowjobs!

- ♪ Run away with cute baby!

♪ They're trying
to k*ll my cute baby! ♪

♪ Cute, cute, cute, cute

♪ sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t

I bet they'll never find me here
at the top of the volcano.

Ah, crap.

- You've got to throw
the baby in, connie.

He's the devil!
- Never!

Donnie is a perfectly
normal baby!

- Mom?
- What is it, honey?

- I've got something that's kind
of hard for me to tell you.

I'm...

- Gay?
- No, I'm the son of satan.

- Oh, that's a relief.
- I was afraid you'd--

- Get mad and throw you
in a volcano?

Donnie, I love you
no matter what you are.

I'm your mother.

- Connie, he just told you
he's satan's son!

What does it take, lady?

- I got this.

Aww.

How could I separate
a mama and her baby?

Like this!

- [Grunts]

Ahhh!

- [Gulps]

- Noooo!

[Crying]

[Satanic laughter]

- Okay, here's what happened.

It actually says here,

"Do not throw a devil baby
in a volcano."

Do not.

Okay, I'm gonna be honest.

Ain't no words
in this book.

- Damn it, vernon!

- Never listen to a man
drunk on snake venom.

Just like it say right here
in the bible.

- Let the apocalypse begin!

[Laughing]

- Oh, sh*t!

- [Satanic laughter]

[All growling]

[Both screaming]

- No, no, no!

I said, "put it in her cooter,
then her pooter."

- Ohhh!

- There!

Thank you, prunes.
I think we're okay.

[All yelling]

- Oh, well.

Brickleberry last more season
than I thought it would.

- I guess this is it, guys.

- Denzel, I have something
to confess.

I ate one of your kit kats
a couple of weeks ago.

- Oh, we even.
I [bleep] your grandmother.

- Ethel, I have to confess.

I may have given you
a few unnecessary pelvic exams.

- Every stripper
in my club has a dong.

- Even the one that gave me
a tug job on my birthday?

- [Laughing]

Especially that one!
Hoo! She's got a biggy!

- I love you guys.

- Donald sutherland cunaman!

What do you think you're doing,
young man?

I did not raise you
to end creation!

- Mom!
- You cut it out, right now!

- You're embarrassing me
in front of my friends!

- Well, if they only like you

Because you're causing
the apocalypse,

They're not real friends,
are they?

- Mom!

- I'm going to count to three.
One...two...

- [Sighs]
fine! Whatever!

Sorry, guys,
my mom is being lame.

We'll do this later,

Like after she dies
on august 30, 2042.

- I'm proud of you, son.

- I gotta go, mom.
I kinda belong down there.

- My little baby's
all grown up.

- See you in hell, ma.
- See you in hell, son.

- [Growls]

- The apocalypse is over!
We're saved!

[All cheering]

- But where's
woody and malloy?

- This next exhibit was found

In the ancient ruins
of brickleberry park.

These three people
and a small bear

Were covered by lava
when a volcano erupted

While they were having
what appears to be a gay orgy.

The brickleberry four-way
is all we know

About what life was like
in the 21st century.

- Hmm. It must have been
a paradise.

- We believe it was.
We believe it was.

- Ow!

[Upbeat music]

♪