01x12 - The su1c1de Squad Special

[bunniefuu]

Whoa, this is wild!

Nope, this is "Wipeout."

Oh.
No!

The big balls are back,
America.

I’m Nicole Byer.
And I’m John Cena.

We’ll be your guides
as we re-introduce you

to the most insane competition
show known to man.

She got hit hard.
That’s the game of "Wipeout."

Ole!

Each week, teams of two
will compete for their share

of the $25,000 grand prize.

The courses are crazier!

Whoo!
Yes!

Ah!

The contestants are bendier!

That one’s gotta hurt.

And the hosts are sexier.

Beauty and brawn,
brains and brawn,

funny and brawn.

Don’t set their expectations
too high, Nicole.

What if we don’t deliver?

Welcome back, America,
to "Wipeout."

Hello, America,
welcome to "Wipeout,"

the show where we play hard
and wipeout harder.

I’m John Cena.
I’m Nicole Byer.

But more importantly,
what are you wearing?

It’s my costume from the
new movie "The su1c1de Squad."

It’s a big
DC Comics action film,

starring a group
of super villains

who are forced to team up
to save the world.

You’re a super villain?

Who are you playing Lex Luthor,
the Riddler on steroids?

No, I play Peacemaker.

Oh, yeah, my grandpa
had one of those.

No, Peacemaker.

He’s a pacifist diplomat
intensely committed to peace.

Oh, so he’s really into,

like, meditation
and sound baths?

No, he just kills everyone
until there’s peace.

Oh.

Ten teams face
the qualifier today,

a five-part obstacle
course behemoth.

First, they’ll need
to jump through

our spinning rings
at the Hoop Hopper.

Then they’ll have to keep
their balance at Rumble Road.

Next up,
the "Wipeout" classic,

the Big Balls.

Make it across, and grab
Smallsy for a $250 bonus.

After that,
it’s the Body Blender,

jump the hurdles or get
cut down in the process.

And finally, the players end
with a swinging and swaying

Jigglelator, before a final
leap to the finished platform.

The six fastest teams
to finish the qualifier

make it through
to the next round.

Now let’s throw it to Camille
who’s with our first squad,

insurance agents
Seth and Rebecca.

We work in insurance.
Yep.

Got it.
We’re claims handling

adjusters.
Sounds really fun.

Do you need insurance?

I do have car insurance
already.

But do you have a good deal?
I think so.

Do you have gap insurance?
Don’t know what that is.

What are you deductibles
with your current insurance?

I wish I knew
what that meant. Dad?

I usually just call my dad
all the time.

Okay.
So if you get in an accident...

Sir, you’re here
on "Wipeout."

I don’t want any of
your insurance today.

Thank you. John and Nicole,
help me. Back to you.

Let’s head down
to the course

and check out the action.
Oh, my God!

Insurance agent Rebecca

gets behind the wheel
at the Hoop Hopper.

Ooh!
She’s actually in the wheel.

Taking a little joyride
and...

Ooh--ohh!
She better leave a note.

I have a theory
that every wipeout starts

with a lack of commitment.

Look at her, she knows
it’s never gonna work out.

That’s how all
my relationships start, too.

Go, go, go, go!
There’s no lack

of commitment
on the su1c1de Squad.

You’re either in
or your head explodes.

Isn’t that right, Smallsy?

I used to have a real body.

You let Smallsy
on your squad?

Okay.
Now I’m jealous.

Oh, no!

Out of nowhere,
the Motivator

rear ends the crap out of him.

Oh, no!
Ahh!

He was blindsided harder
than Elton John’s first wife.

I can’t afford this!
Rebecca’s all in now.

You’re better than me!

I usually shout
the opposite at people.

How much would it cost
to insure this Jiggleator?

A lot.
Because it brings

so much joy?

It causes pain.

Oh, right.

Good job.

7:16 is a solid time,

but it’s too early to tell
if that’s fast enough

to get them into the gauntlet.
They did okay.

At least they didn’t have
a ridiculous catchphrase.

Like that.

Shaky Jake here
to shake up the course!

Whoo!
Whoa!

Someone’s had way
too much coffee.

There’s never
too much coffee

when you’re Jake and Alandra.

If they win, they want
to open a coffee shop

called Shaky Jake’s
Coffee Company.

Caffeine must run
in the blood.

Not a bad origin story.
Oh, my gosh.

Whoo!

Yikes! Ohh.

Let’s go Shaky Jake!
Taking that energy

on to the Big Balls.

You got the Big Balls!

Oh!
Ooh!

And just like a screenwriter
at Starbucks...

He’s not going anywhere.

Is that Michael Phelps
out there?

Oh, my gosh!

Just be happy it’s not
my su1c1de Squad teammate,

King Shark out there.

Ooh, every king
needs a queen.

Hey, King Shark.
Mm.

I don’t wanna go!
Alandra not feeling it.

I’ll make you
the best coffee.

She might be getting
a little jittery

on the Body Blender.

Oh, my gosh.
You seem so far away.

That’s the thing
about coffee,

you always feel great,
but then you just crash.

It’s almost like Sneaky
Jake’s been slipping her

the old decaf this whole time.

You mean Shaky Jake?

Just like a strong cup
of Joe,

they’re going right
through this thing.

Just over five minutes
and this far along,

typically spells gauntlet.

Let’s meet our next squad.
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

This is Collin and Eric.
They’re firefighters.

Who wants a mustache ride?

Right up here, boys.

You ready for "Wipeout"?
Yes, ma’am.

Is it gonna be like fighting
fires or harder?

I deal with fire. I don’t
deal with water very good.

Yeah.
So I need to know,

as firefighters,
have you ever carried a woman

out of a burning building?
No.

Fire, fire!
Go rescue! Go rescue!

Someone!

Let’s go, go, go!

Breaking news,
there’s a major fire

on the Wipeout course and...

Ouch!

First responders
are coming in hot.

This is like
the Fyre Fest, John,

except we have
two porta potties.

They look so much alike.

It’s hard to tell
which one this is.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
Okay. Oh!

I can tell them apart
by their mustaches.

Really?
Then who’s this?

Mustache Two.
He’s the sensitive one.

Make daddy proud!
Ooh!

Make mama proud, too!

Goodness gracious
great balls of fire.

And Smallsy is stuck.

I feel a burning sensation.
Get across.

Mustache One answers
the call.

This is truly
sensational footage.

And he pulls it off.

Picks up a cool $250
bonus for that.

If this is
who comes to a fire,

I’m starting
to understand arson.

Let’s go!
Now it’s his partner’s turn

to play with fire.

Available on Blu-ray
and streaming.

Isn’t promoting one
of your movies enough?

Big strides!
He has B-H-E!

Big hose energy!

Breaking news!
First time I’ve ever seen

both contestants
make it through the Big Balls.

These guys are on fire.

Now with the Jiggleator,

they are just blazing
through the course.

Their time is set to be
the story of the season.

This is a quicker run
than "Roseanne’s" reboot.

Ah!

Just a little kiss
from the Smacker Wall.

This is the most impressive
run I have ever seen.

I’m coming!

Mission accomplished,
and no heads exploded.

That’s a "su1c1de Squad"
reference, Nicole.

I had a hunch.
That was unbelievable!

You guys set the course
record this season,

four minutes and 20 seconds.

Yeah, baby! That a boy!
4:20?

Put that in your hose
and smoke it.

The Firefighters are
officially the team to b*at.

Before we go to break,
I got my hands

on an exclusive look at John
in the "su1c1de Squad."

Whoa, Johnny,
nice tighty whities.

Nicole, what are you doing?
How’d you even get that?

I have a man on the inside.

Nathan, thank you for helping
me embarrass John on TV.

My pleasure, Nicole.
I’d love to stay and help more,

but I actually created
a bunch of dating profiles

with that same photo,
so my dance card’s full.

I gotta go.

Gee, thanks, Nate.

Can’t believe I got betrayed
by a fellow super villain.

Who the hell saw that comin’?
You’re super villains.

You probably betray each other
all the time.

And who said
he’s the only one?

Stay tuned!

Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

Welcome back to "Wipeout."

We’re halfway through
the qualifier

and halfway to seeing
which squad wins $25,000.

John, let’s get down
to business.

I want in on your new
"su1c1de Squad" film.

Are you sure you want
to be a part of this team,

because not everybody’s
gonna survive?

Oh, I could work around that.
Okay.

I’m thinking my character
is called The Flasher.

The Flasher,
what is she, like, fast?

Ehh, in a manner of speaking.

Now, who’s gonna
put out this fire?

Ah!

Big balls don’t scare
these big ballers!

Whoo!

If I was on
"Real Housewives,"

that would be my tagline.

Gina for three!
Whoo!

Not to play referee,
but her foot was on the line.

Come on, Carla!

You got this!
This is Gina and Carla,

a couple of rec league
basketball champions.

Carla is ready
to go one-on-one

with the Hoop Hopper.
Ohh!

Oh!

What’s she doing?

You got at least three balls
in you, maybe four.

Never said that
to a girlfriend.

One...
Two...

Three...
Four...

Smallsy called for traveling

and she did it.
Also, we are really good

at counting.
She sh**t. She’s scores!

Wow!
She’s going off on the ref.

Gotta call her out
for poor sportsmanship here.

You can’t gloat like that

after kneeing someone
in the face.

Yeah, what is this, wrestling?
Sick burn.

Under four minutes in with the
Big Balls already behind them,

I have a feeling we’ll see
them in the gauntlet.

Uh-oh, John,
you know what that is?

The first annual

Wipeout Amateur
Adult Basketball

League Slam Dunk Contest?
Oh!

Oh!
Uh!

No skills, no game.
Your problem.

It’s a lot of swishing going
on here,

swishing and smashing.

Sure, most slam dunk
contests

feature actual athletes
doing incredible things,

but can you say boring?

We have dunks
like the face plant.

The hang time.

Wait for it...
Ahh!

And boom goes the dynamite.

And who could forget
the face plant?

Ahh!
Whoa!

That little fella
has a nice scream.

What’s his deal?
These are high school

sweethearts,
Austin and Kennedy.

And while he has
a nice scream,

she has a crippling fear
of heights.

Ohh!

Yeah, definitely not
su1c1de Squad material then.

Uh, unless she has
a really cool power.

Does time travel count?

Because I think that may have

knocked her back
to senior year.

The Jigglelator is high up.

This is going to be
a true test for Kennedy

and her fear of heights.
How are you feeling?

Awful. I am so tired.

And I don’t want
to fall anymore.

She’s a great communicator.

All right.
Kennedy, you got this!

Do you have any fears, John?

Only a fear
of admitting fears.

She’s getting over her fears,
look at that.

Okay, John,
for this last obstacle

I called in one of your
"su1c1de Squad" teammates

to help terrorize Kennedy.
Really, who?

The beautifully independent,
yet royal wife of King Shark.

King Shark
doesn’t have a wife.

He does now.

Introducing, Queen Shark.

Nom-nom.
Ouch!

Did you just draw a red
lipstick on a shark photo?

No, I paid nerds to.

Sorry, Kennedy.
Let’s meet our next squad.

Your whole dance background,
please tell me about you.

I started dancing
about 18 years ago.

I backup danced for
Janet Jackson

and Lil Wayne.
Casual.

It’s been
an amazing experience.

And me, I’ve been dancing now
for about 14 years.

I’ve danced with Janet Jackson,
Becky G, Camila Cabello.

Wow. All right.
Let’s hit it!

Hey! And the shamrock.
Hey!

Hey! Get it!

Hey, hey!
Yeah, shake it.

Right.
And oh.

That’s right, baby.

John and Nicole, what’s good?
Be jealous.

Camille’s dance squad’s
impressive.

Yeah, but our squad
does that dance

where we kick our legs
and spin,

and then you call
that director guy

James Gunn and get me
into the "su1c1de Squad."

I don’t think
I know that one.

Sure you do, John.

It’s like a kick and then
you take your phone out

and then spin,
dial James Gunn.

Backup dancer Darian tries
to tangle with Rumble Road.

Making Janet proud, baby.
Rhythm nation.

I will say, she’s utilizing
her dance background here.

She starts out with
the running man,

goes into the worm,

and finishes off strong
with a little twist and shout.

Donovan finally getting
his turn to star.

Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!

So close.

Solid wipeout, John.

But we have to judge them
as backup dancers,

and the key is always staying
in sync with each other.

Let’s take a look.

Remarkably close.
Oh, yeah, they’re pros.

Let’s see how the Big D
prepares for the last dance.

Ahh!

That’s me when I drop a
chicken nugget on the ground.

Take your time!
Okay.

It’s Donovan
versus the Jigglelator.

You know, qualifier,
Hoop Hopper, the Jigglelator,

they all sound like potential
members of the su1c1de Squad.

Whoa!
Don’t forget Big Balls,

he could be on my squad
any day.

Donovan takes bigger hits
than Snoop Dogg

at Seth Rogen’s Rosh
Hashanah party.

Like Christoph
at the Oscars,

he waltzes across stage
for a time of 7:49,

which is good enough
to be able to hang on

to a spot in the gauntlet.

Joining them in the gauntlet
will be The Firefighters,

Shaky Jake’s
Coffee Company,

She Got Game, The Insurance
Agents, and Free Fallin’.

John, I called
some of your squad mates

and asked them what it was like
to work with you

so I could see if we were
annoyed by the same things.

Take a look.

No one likes John.

No one likes him.

Yeah, he kept telling me
what a big fan

he was of
"Arrested Development,"

and then he’d walk away
before I could tell him

I wasn’t Jason Bateman.

Oh, boy.
Yeah.

Look, John, I know I played
Ratcatcher in the movie,

but I don’t actually
want them as pets,

so if you could just stop
sending me rats,

that would be--
oh, my God, they got out!

Sorry. Just one second.

Ew. Oof.

Stay tuned.
After the break,

we’ve got
the all-time fastest team,

a girl who’s afraid
of heights,

and one of
John’s "su1c1de Squad" friends

from work shows up in person.
What?

Welcome back to "Wipeout."
I’m John Cena.

I’m Nicole Byer.
And introducing

director of "The su1c1de
Squad," James Gunn.

What the hell? James,
what are you doing here?

Well, John, you know,
we need that uniform back

before you get slime on it

or whatever it is
that you guys do here.

Mr. Gunn. Hi.
If you’re not busy later,

I’d love to, like, audition
for "The su1c1de Squad"--

And action!
What? Now? Seriously now?

Yeah, come on.
You’re surrounded by aliens.

Some are cute, some are mean.

You have so many
different emotions.

Ah! Oh! Ah!

Pew, pew, pew, pew.
Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

Now you need to rescue

Bloodsport.
Who’s Bloodsport?

He’s your teammate.
He’s played by Idris Elba.

Ooh, hey. Idris Elba.

I got something for you.

Come here, baby.

I don’t know, we’ve already
got one Pete Davidson

in the group,
that’s exactly what he did.

Maybe we should just move on
to the gauntlet.

The gauntlet will be done
in two heats.

Each heat, three teams
competing at the same time,

will be practically
climbing over one another

starting at the Carous-Hell.

Then it’s a foot race
through the disgusting mud

pits and slippery slopes
of the Messy Mile.

And finally,
the Pummel Pool,

where the choice between
the revolving French Fries

and the giant
spinning Lollipop

could make or break it all.

The first team
to have both members

cross the finish line
moves on to the Wipeout Zone.

It’s the first heat
of the gauntlet.

Let’s meet our squads.

There’s Free Fallin’ in blue.

Shaky Jake’s Coffee Company
going green.

And The Insurance Agents
in orange.

Lord, have mercy.
I’ll be praying for you.

You got this.
It’s going to be incredible.

Wait, does that mean
I’m going first?

If you want to.
Should I go first?

Would you like me to go first?
I don’t know.

All right. I’ll go first.

Are you ready?

Here we go, on my count,
three, two, one...

There’s the horn.

Now to see which squad
takes that 18-foot drop first.

I wanna watch one of you
fall, then I’ll go.

Well, Kennedy may be afraid
of falling,

but Austin sure isn’t.
Nice job!

He gets a nice applause
from the people

he’s about to take
$25,000 from.

Free Fallin’ Austin
enters the ring, and Bam!

Delivers a swift knee

right to the sweeper.

I think I did that same move

in WrestleMania 31.

Wanna go next?
Not really.

Do it, Bec--let’s use--
Becca’s gonna go next.

Oh, thank you, Seth.

Tired of always waiting
for someone else to wipe out?

Boy, am I? Oh!
Well, at Wipeout Insurance,

agent Seth puts you,
the customer, before himself.

You go.
Ouch!

In fact, he won’t
merely request it...

No, go, go, go.
No, you go.

He’ll insist it
because he cares.

Ooh!
I haven’t gone.

That guy is scary.
And because he’s terrified.

Ahh! Ahh!

Ooh!
Oh.

Back to the action,
insurance agent Rebecca

is on the propeller
and makes her way around.

Good job, Becca.
I don’t know--

I don’t know
if I can do it.

He said the tagline.

Insurance agent Rebecca
grabs a ring

and makes quick work
of the swing.

Seth, I’m across!
Becca, I’m sorry!

But she knows she’s not
going anywhere

until her teammate joins her.

Shaky Jakey getting a little
pick-me-up from the sweeper.

Ooh, but he can’t
stick the landing.

Insurance salesman Seth
finally closes his first deal.

Yay, Seth! Whoo!

Oh, my, I never
have to do that again.

That’s what I said
after doing my taxes.

I can’t believe you have
to do those every four years.

You got it, Seth!

Insurance agent Seth waits
for the right vehicle

to take him across
the Carous-Hell

and goes with the ’97
Toyota pink ring.

Smart businessman.

That ring has done
a lot of miles,

but gets the job done,
kind of like me.

But can Seth get his bumper
on that landing? Yes!

Now The Insurance Agents could
get moving

into the Messy Mile.
Yes, come on!

I go!
You got it!

Oh, my goodness.

Kennedy has fallen
all over the bar.

But ends the night

falling into the arms
of a man, my life.

Except my man is Jose Cuervo.

Free Fallin’ is now hot
on the heels

of our insurance agents
at the Messy Mile.

You know, our insurance
policies will cover this.

Seth mentions insurance

about as much as you
mentioned "The su1c1de Squad."

And back at the Carous-Hell,
Shaky Jake’s Coffee

has finally made it through.

They had
the second-fastest time

in the qualifier
so kind of shocking

to see them in last place.

Well, I mean,
they are crawling.

Let’s slide together!
The insurance brokers

are going
for broke on Mount Wipeout.

It’s a beautiful waterfall.
Oh, no!

Oh!
TLC tried to warn y’all

about waterfalls,
should’ve listened.

"No Scrubs" is the reason
I stopped using the loofah.

Everything is so slippery.

Kennedy and Austin
gaining on Seth and Rebecca

right behind them.

Anybody’s game in the gauntlet.

And the coffee crew
is grinding through.

We’re gonna catch up.

It’s come back season, baby!
Come back season!

Impossible comebacks
is what "The su1c1de Squad"

is all about.

That, and gratuitous v*olence.

Soaring into Pummel Pool
are The Insurance Agents

who finished just
barely ahead of

Free Fallin’ in the qualifier.

And right on cue,
here comes Kennedy

and Austin,
still in the hunt.

I’m blind.
Love is blind.

I can’t hear.
Blind and deaf?

It’s a miracle
they ever found each other.

Agent Seth assesses the risk
of the big ball

and tippy table.

Up, over, stretches out...

I made it!
Go! Go! Go! Go!

Free Fallin’ knows
they have to move fast.

By this time tomorrow
they’ll be back at home.

Wanna take a breather,
a little espresso sh*t?

Espresso sh*t.

Uh-oh. It’s on now.

Watch out, world,
they just drank air.

That fake sh*t of espresso
is kicking in.

Here comes team Shaky Jakes.

Three, two, one.

Brewing a little
comeback season.

Green is catching up

to our auto insurance agents,
everybody.

Which one do you want to do?
Should we do this?

Might be easier to just...
That’s so fast.

This right here is why these
two get paid the medium bucks,

be able to look at two risks,
fries and Lollipops

and avoid any major losses.

Oh! Oh!

It was a bigger loss
than they realized,

because they are not
ahead by much.

Do you want to go first?
No, you got it.

Now, Shaky Jake in green
is going for it.

Oh, wow. Jake pours
himself the perfect landing.

All right. Let’s Wipeout!
Eh, decent catchphrase.

It’s French fry time.
Amazing catchphrase!

Oh!

It looks like rush hour
in the Pummel Pool right now.

Insurance Seth merges
into the fry lane.

He encounters a slight lean,

but manages not to incur
a total loss

as he sticks the landing.
Shaky Jake, I made it! Whoo!

And Alandra cashes out
at the tippy table.

I love insurance!
We know.

And with a bundle
of bounce and slide,

Seth finally
puts himself first,

getting his squad halfway
to the Wipeout Zone.

I’m so proud of you.
Congratulations!

Can’t celebrate yet because
Free Fallin’ Austin

is closing the gap.

No, not yet.
I need a new denim jacket.

Austin crosses the pink ball

and flops onto
the landing pad.

He joins Seth, who hopefully

doesn’t try to set him up
with a policy.

To the pedestal.

But don’t count Alandra
of Shaky Jake out

just yet,
she made it to the fries.

Ah!
Yeah!

Come on, Alandra!
Oh!

Oh, she goes for the pink
ball pounce.

How dare you?

Is she talking to me
or the pink ball?

I get you two confused
all the time.

Welcome
to the winner’s circle.

Thank you!
Good job, you guys.

This is what
I’m talking about.

It is anybody’s game
in the gauntlet, baby!

Three teams across.

Three teams
still battling it out

in the final leg
of the gauntlet.

Closest to the finish line
is afraid-of-heights Kennedy.

Oh, I can’t watch.
Oh, she made it!

Yeah!
The next person

across the finish line
is going to the Wipeout Zone.

The others are right
behind her,

but with a slight lead,

it’s Kennedy’s gauntlet
to lose.

With insurance Rebecca
tailgating Kennedy so close,

a wipeout now could
cost her the win.

Oh!

Come on, Jake,
straight through it!

Can Shaky Jake shake
through the French Fries

with ease
like his barista buddy?

And he does it.
Let’s go Shaky Jake!

Oh, my gosh!

And nobody is more pumped
right now

than his overly caffeinated
partner.

And this could be all she
wrote--Shaky Jake for the win?

Oh, he slipped!
Ohh!

What?
This has never happened!

You have to go now, Becca.

Two wipeouts have set
Rebecca up for the win.

Oh! But she takes the ball.
Wow!

We are now three for three
in wipeouts for the win.

Oh, my gosh.

I’ve never seen the gauntlet
like this in my life.

Come on, Kennedy,
you gotta do it.

Kennedy may have a lead,
but don’t forget

she has to reach the winner’s
platform in order to win.

Is sitting on the pink ball

so no one else
can cross a strategy?

Can I go head-first?
Yeah. Just go! Just go!

She makes the landing.
Oh, but here comes Shaky Jake.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
What?

Shaky Jake
with the last-second win?

Oh, man. I’ve got
to put him in the movie.

I really do.
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa!

Let’s see that again.

This is one of
the closest gauntlet

finishes in history, folks.

Look at that sh*t!

Austin’s never gonna
forgive her, is he?

Heat two of the gauntlet
is up next.

We’ll see who gets to
take on Shaky Jake’s

Coffee Co.
In the Wipeout Zone.

Oh! That fall was a venti.
Ooh, whee.

Yes, that was a venti.

Welcome back to "Wipeout."

The last gauntlet was insane.

Shaky Jake steals the win
at the last second.

Oh, just like the time
I impressed James Gunn so much

I stole the role of Peacemaker

from John Cena
at the last second.

Yeah. Wait, what?

I’m really sorry, John.

Nicole is--
she’s just persuasive.

And we’re gonna need
the costume back.

But I already wrote my name
inside the helmet.

Oh, don’t worry, John.

I’ll make sure to do
Pizza Maker justice.

It’s Peacemaker!
I can’t believe this.

Now let’s get right up in...

Let’s get to the second heat
of the gauntlet.

I’m also stealing
your job, Nicole.

Wow, full circle.

Three squads, six super
villains, I mean, contestants.

We got The Firefighters
reporting for duty in purple.

In pink, the Celebrity
Backup Dancers

are preparing to take
the spotlight.

And
She Got Game in yellow.

Maybe go on your stomach...
Do a little dive like this.

Okay. Got it.
Okay. Fall in the water.

Fantastic. Got it. Got it.

Here we go, on my count,
three, two, one...

You know what that horn
means, America,

someone has to take
the first leap

and it looks like a fireman.

And he fails to take hold
like mustache hair

on John’s face.

I told you,
it’s a medical condition.

You’re going?
All right, test dummy.

Making sure they don’t jump

at the same time...
and they do anyway.

A rare double wipeout,
as She Got Game

and The Firefighters
get their signals crossed.

Remember, John,
the mustaches had

the all-time fastest
run in the qualifier,

but this is not a strong start
for the rest of their bodies.

Backup dancer Donovan takes
his sh*t, but misses his mark.

Now his backup-backup dancer
hangs on to that thing like

it’s a gig on Ariana Grande’s
next world tour.

She Got Game--

Oh!
Ah, she got dunked on.

Backup dancer Darian
had better get moving

because the mustaches,
I mean,

Firefighters have mobilized.

All units are responding now.

You know she’s gotta
be feeling the heat,

but Darion is in a zone,

taking the ring and a couple
of body checks and finally

sticks the landing.

Just as my firefighter boo
takes a mustache ride across.

Just swing over.
And not far behind,

we have the whole fire
battalion in route.

Let’s go!
Let’s go! We’re good.

Eric and Collin are on fire!

Ooh! Backup dancer Donovan
swoops over the sweeper.

Oh!
Nope.

Donovan wants to put
on a little show first.

Did you know ballerinas
never get dizzy?

Such grace.

Reminds me of Harley Quinn,
but less bat crazy.

Uh-oh, his understudy
is watching from the platform.

This is actually
"Black Swan Lake."

I can’t believe this,

Donovan going for
a full double rotation.

Can he do it?

And yes, he does!
We did it!

Who says ballerinas
aren’t athletes?

They need to go fast,
because over at Mount Wipeout,

The Firefighters are already
dropping into the Pummel Pool.

Attaboy!

Wait, what happened
to She Got Game?

I might be the first person
that doesn’t get it done, guys.

It’s okay. It’s okay.

Our basketball friends
are still stuck

in the first part
of the course.

She’s gonna have
to make this now

to have any chance
at catching the other teams.

She sticks the landing.
Holy.

Now all she has to do
is dismount.

And she misses the exit.

I certainly don’t want
to do this again.

This could be a real
up-dog story here.

Ow!
What’s up dog?

Not much.
What’s up with you?

This thing’s still not over
for the Backup Dancers

twerking their way
through the Messy Mile.

That’s disgusting!
Well, Donovan,

that’s why we didn’t
call it the Hygienic Mile.

Let’s fast forward
to the Pummel Pool,

where The Firefighters
are absolutely unstoppable.

Have you ever been in love
with two men

you can’t really
tell apart, John?

Well, I did go through a big
Hall & Oates phase

in high school.

They’re now two for two
on the tippy table

and still moving.

Maybe if I pretend
I’m a woman

in a burning building,
they’ll hurry up even more.

This thing’s moving.

Help me! Help me!

Well, Mustache One
knows what he wants

and that’s a Lollipop.

She’s slippery!

It’s like inner tubing.
I’m getting dizzy.

You know who doesn’t
get dizzy?

Backup Dancers.

And they’re right behind you,
so you better... not do that.

If at first
you don’t succeed,

dry that mustache off
and try again.

Mustache Two wants to see
how many licks

this lollipop takes.

I gotta say,
this is the first time

I’m seeing them shaking
in their boots.

Damn!
As they should be, John.

Because not far behind
atop Mount Wipeout

come the Backup Dancers.

And in they go,
right in sync.

They may be backups, but
they’re refusing to back down.

My Backup Dancers are looking
to take the lead.

This is crazy.

If only Camille
had a catchphrase

to encapsulate
just how close this is.

Anybody’s game
in the gauntlet!

Anybody’s game in the gauntlet!
Anybody’s game in the gauntlet!

Anybody’s game, baby!

It’s anybody’s game!

James, what are you
still doing here?

I locked my keys
in the car, but also,

I’m just--I’m really
emotionally invested

in what’s happening.

Let’s back up
to backup dancer Darian.

I love her body control here
on the tippy table.

She’s calculating,

like she’s about to cut a girl
for a dance spot.

The Firefighters have had
enough of the Lollipop

and are now at the fries.

And just like that,
they aren’t.

But you know who is?
My girl Darian.

I feel like
you’re switching allegiances.

You should have seen me
during the Taylor Swift

Katy Perry feud--
a total mess.

As she decides on a plan,
her dance partner Donovan

gets the slip
from the tippy table,

just as one of the mustaches
sticks the Lollipop.

He looks locked
in this time, John.

He dismounts,

doused with the fire hose,
and finishes strong.

What, what, what!
Come on, Collin!

Come on over here.
Get on the platform.

Half of the fire department
is across.

Oh!
Oh! A platform wipeout!

She’s slippery!
Wait a minute,

backup dancer Donovan

is now shuffling
his way back into this thing.

Collin works his way through
those stubborn fries again.

That a boy!
Get over here!

He’s in the homestretch now.
Get over here!

With the Backup Dancers
still in the Pummel Pool,

the mustache firefighters
have done it!

Make sure to breathe!

Firefighters are moving on
to the Wipeout Zone, baby!

Whoo!
This is it, America,

the "su1c1de Squad"-sized
battle

you didn’t know you needed.

It’s the over-caffeinated

Shaky Jake’s Coffee Company

against those two slippery
mustache Firefighters

with $25,000 on the line.

There’s only one more stop,
the Wipeout Zone.

Like a cat
out of the tree. Meow!

Glad to see you found
an extra set

of generic
white guy clothes.

Well, if being
in "The su1c1de Squad"

has taught me anything,
it’s to be prepared.

I learned the same lesson
from the "Lion King."

Welcome back to "Wipeout."

Nicole, tell the folks at home
where we are right now.

Oh, no not a good idea, John.
I’ve got a lot of stalkers.

When you look this good,
you gotta be careful!

Nope, I meant where
we are on the course.

Oh, right.
Right. Right.

Well, we’re in the Wipeout Zone
where our final two teams

are about to compete
for $25,000.

Buckle up, ’cause things
are about to get crazy.

We’ve made it to the top of
the mountain,

the Wipeout Zone.

This colossal course
is made up

of four stages
done relay style,

with each contestant
attempting two obstacles.

The first team member
will get sh*t out

from our speeding
Silver b*llet

into freezing-cold
waters below.

From there, they’ll swim
to the giant Spinning Vertigo,

where they’ll attempt to
maneuver from peg to peg

without losing their grip
or their lunch.

They’ll need to press
the button in the middle

to lower the bridge before
they can leave to safety.

That’s when they’ll tag
their partner

to take on the Leap of Faith,

where they’ll have
to launch themselves

onto one of the spinning arms,
maintain their balance,

and jump to the narrow
platform on the other side.

It’s tough, but if they
successfully make it across,

they’ll arrive
at the final challenge.

The Triple thr*at.
If a contestant can somehow

make it from one
spinning hexagon to the next

and safely leap
to the final platform

faster than their competition,
they’ll take home $25,000.

Tonight’s a huge matchup
between Jake and Alandra

from Shaky Jake’s
Coffee Co.

Up against The Firefighters,
Collin and Eric,

who clocked in the fastest
qualifying time of the season.

The coffee kids are up first,
with Jake taking the wheel.

Let’s get it on!

Jake loads up
in the Silver b*llet.

His teammate,
Alandra watches on,

ready for her chance to shine.

Three, two, one...

Shaky Jakey avoids
the Lake Wipeout Monster.

Whoo!

John, Lake Wipeout
doesn’t have a monster.

Are you mixing up reality

with the "su1c1de Squad" movie
again?

That depends.

Are you sick of wearing that
Nicole costume, Harley Quinn?

Touché, John. Touché.
All right,

to tackle Vertigo,
we must mount Vertigo,

get to the middle,
hit that button,

that brings the landing ramp
on the other side down.

Okay. He’s made it.

And he’s safely
on the right side.

Oh, okay.
He hits the button

rather fast.
Oh, ooh!

You got it Shaky Jake!

No idea what she just said.

I think she’s had one
too many Americanos.

Oh!

That fall was a venti.
Yes, that was a venti.

My heart is racing.
My heart is racing.

Have you ever had a trenta?
What’s a trenta?

Bigger than a venti.
How is that even legal?

It’s, like,
32 ounces of coffee.

Wow.
Ooh, it is wild.

Jake’s looking forward
to his second cup of the day.

There he goes.
I take mine in espresso.

I like a nice
1.3 ounce pour.

You know, an espresso
makes me feel like

the daintiest of women.

I’m just, like,
oh, sip, sip, sip.

And Jacob makes the Leap
of Faith and handles Vertigo

rather quick.

There goes Alandra
doing it for the brew.

Yes, yes, yes.
Oh, my gosh.

Girl, ooh, girl.
Just brewing it.

She’s gonna jump right
from the middle.

Nope, she’s thinking about
going to the edge.

She has to jump on those
swinging arms

and land safely on the ramp
on the other side.

This is scarier
than I thought.

There she goes.
Ooh!

Missed the Leap of Faith
entirely.

The whiff,
she just missed it.

All right. Here we go.
Lands safely.

Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh!
I did it!

And she is excited.
And she lands safely again!

Handled the Leap of Faith
rather quickly.

Alandra, great job!
What the heck is this?

That’s the Triple thr*at.
You can do it.

You got this!
Oh, gosh.

That was a slappacino.
It was.

It was a slappacino,
a venti slappacino.

Ahh!
Alandra, you can do it!

You got it!
You got this!

I know, I know I got it.
Okay.

You know, Nicole...
Yes.

This obstacle is a latte
harder than it looks.

Yes, it is because the front
one is free spinning

while the other one
is on, like, a thingymabob.

I explained that well.

You got this.
Just walk across it.

Walk across?
You’ve got a great smile.

You look happy. There you go!
Yeah!

There you go! There you go!
See? See?

Use that great smile
to get you to the last one.

Thank you!
Your smile is beautiful too!

Thank you!
This is...

she is having
a great time in the course.

I like her so much.

Yes! Yes!
All righty. One more!

One more to that
finished platform.

We know you can do it!
You got this!

It doesn’t get that close.

You’re the most
adorable competitor we’ve had.

Oh!
Now, I’m gonna cry now.

Don’t cry.

Yes, yes, yes!
You got this!

And she makes it!
Alandra makes it!

Oh, my gosh!
What an amazing jump!

That was great!

We did it!
Oh, my gosh.

I’m so proud of you!
They’re so cute!

Aww, I love "Wipeout" love.

Me too.
Hi!

Jacob, Alandra, amazing job.

You were absolutely
the most excited,

smiling competitors
we’ve had in the Wipeout Zone.

We love you!
Keep drinking coffee!

And keep smiling, baby!
I’ll do both.

Thank you very much.
Thank you.

Shaky Jake’s Coffee Company

locks in a piping-hot time of
7:21,

but our two firefighters,
Collin and Eric,

know every last thing
about b*ating the heat.

They’re gearing up now

and you’re not gonna
wanna miss it.

We’re back. Nicole and I are
here in the Wipeout Zone,

where two teams are battling
it out for $25,000.

Ugh, you could buy me
a lot of nice stuff

for 25 grand, John.

I hope these teams are thinking
about what I would like.

What would you like?

Oh, they got my list
when they got here.

They know.
All right.

Let’s take a look
at our leader board.

Shaky Jake’s Coffee Company

just showed us
how strong their brew is

with a time of 7:21.

Now it’s up to
Collin and Eric,

our resident firefighters,

to see if they can
do it faster,

all with a cool $25,000
still hanging in the balance.

I got you, rocket.

Collin mentally prepares
as his fire clone, Eric,

watches on,
ready for that second leg.

Three, two, one...

Solid launch,
Collin heads to the ramp

to approach Vertigo.

This might slow you down.
But don’t you think

they have an advantage ’cause,
like, they’re firefighters

and they have to crawl
into burning buildings

and that’s kind of, like, hard.
Not as hard as being in--

In "The su1c1de Squad,"
we know, John.

Everyone’s gonna see
the damn movie.

Firefighters surrounded
by water, well...

Attaboy!
They may not exactly be

in their element,
but they do seem to breeze

through these obstacles.

Wow, look at that!
That’s pretty quick.

Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
Oh, he didn’t bop it.

Now turn around
and hit the center.

There you go.
That’s right, Eric,

to cross Vertigo, you have to
mount the obstacle,

make it to the middle,
hit the button,

so that the bridge
on the other side comes down.

Collin has done that.

He makes his way towards
the bridge, but not in time.

So now all he has to do
is leap to safety

like a cat out of a tree
and then he’s good.

Like a cat out of a tree,
I like that.

And like a cat in a tree,
he purges to safety.

Yeah, baby!
All right. He is fired up!

Yeah, yeah!
Let’s go!

That was the fastest time
on Vertigo this season.

Was it really?
Yes.

That’s super quick. Dang.

Eric’s staring down
the Leap of Faith.

He makes his leap
and hangs on for safety.

He’s going to try to hang onto
that platform now and does.

Okay.

Quick as a cat, more fire
for the fire fighters.

He’s on to a Triple thr*at.

These guys are fast
and mustached,

very focused, very intense.
No doubt their fire training

has prepared them
for this pressure.

Yeah, buddy. You got it.
Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

Ride it! Ride it! Ride it!

One wrong move
could end it all.

Gotta love his patience.
Eric focused on staying dry.

Man, he just--
he is like a cat,

always seems to land
on his feet.

Here’s the Leap of Faith
and he makes it!

This could be a course record!

Eric, come back!
I got excited!

You should be excited,
damn it! You crushed it!

Where is Collin?
I want to give him a hug.

Zero wipeouts
for the entire course.

Yes!
My eyes are burning.

Someone put out the fire!

Fantastic job!
Wow!

Your time was two minutes
and three seconds.

Holy cow.
Yeah, baby!

Fastest of the whole season!

You get extra flames, dang!

Well, it gives me
great pleasure to say,

you have won "Wipeout,"
and you have won $25,000!

From the moment Collin
sh*t out of the Silver b*llet,

these guys never slowed down.

And Eric never even got wet.

If that’s not
su1c1de Squad material,

I don’t know what is.

I’m John Cena.
And for Camille Kostek,

I’m Nicole Byer, saying good
night and Big Balls!

Does "The su1c1de Squad"
have a post-credits scene?

I’m not at liberty to say.
You’ll tell me off camera.

I will not.