02x01 - Beard to Be Feared/ Quackor the Fowl/ Ant Pants

[bunniefuu]

[Evil laugh]

At last!

I have you beautiful genius
scientist supermodels

as my prisoners,

leaving the invention
you created to use
for good and joy

to now be used by me
for bad and pain.

Man: Sometimes pain's
a good thing.

Supermodels: Action Hank!

Action Hank!

But I thought
we left you

in the clutches
of the giant squid!

Seems he got tied up
at the last minute.

But I'm here
to straighten you out!

[g*nf*re on TV]

Villain: Get him, you fools!

Action Hank:
It's not nice to point.

Hey, skinny,
looks like you could use
a knuckle sandwich.

[Roar]

[Dee Dee growling]

Whenever I watch
action Hank,

I hanker for
a hunk of action!

Get ready
to wrestle!

Grr!

[Teeth chattering]

[Weakly]
Grr.

[Howls]

Gee-osh, Dexter.
You're so flinchy!

Afraid of getting beat up
by a girl?

No!

I just don't
want to get none
of your cooties on me.

Yeah, whatever, flinchy.

All's I know is
you need to get
a little more rugged.

Dexter: Ah, phooey.

Aah!

Oh.

Hmm.

Maybe Dee Deeis

but what makes a man rugged?

Ooh, action Hank,
you're so rugged!

Oh, honey,
you are so rugged!

Well, I haven't had a shave
all weekend.

It must be...

The beard!

At last!

An opportunity
to finally test

the beard-a-tron!

[Funk music plays]

That is one
rugged brother.

Shut your mouth!

I'm only talkin'
'bout Dexter.

We can dig it.

Rookie, do you copy
what I copy? Over.

Uh, yeah.

That's our man.
Let's get him!
Over.

You sure that's him?

Now, listen up, rookie.

When you've had
years more experience
on the force than me,

then you can tell me
if that is or is not
our man!

With a beard that rugged,
how can there be
any doubt in your mind

whether that is
or is not our man?

Over. Do you copy?

Uh, yeah.

Then "Roger" me
when you copy.
Over.

Roger. Copy. Over.

[Siren blaring]

Action Hank,
we've been combing
the area for you.

We cornered
a rugged band
of flour smugglers

down at the waterfront,
but we need your help.
Over.

Well, actually, officer...

[Laughs nervously]

I realize the ruggedity
of my new appendage
is quite overwhelming,

but I'm afraid
I'm not who you think I am.

I knew we could
count on you, Hank.

Let's roll. Over.

[Siren blaring]

Ok, here's
the situation, Hank.

The smugglers
are in there,

and we want you
to get in there
and get 'em.

And don't worry,
'cause we've got
vans and choppers,

kinds of dogs,
and the s.W.A.T. Team
is in position.

Why don't you
sendthem

because they only
have mustaches. Over.

Good luck, Hank!
You're the man!

Smuggler: Here you are,
monsieur fois Gras.

Second smuggler: I can
assure you that it is % pure.

Fois Gras: Excellent.
Gentlemen, we are about
to make a lot of bread.

Third smuggler: I can't wait
to be rolling in that dough.

Now what do I do?

What, are you
kidding me?

Look at this thing!

You're all kinds
of rugged.

You are the man!

Yeah.

Grr!

Grr!

Go get 'em!

[Snarling]

Huh?

Uh-oh.

Action Hank!

But I thought
we left you in the clutches
of the giant octopus!

Uh, ok. Snappy retort.

Um, octopus, fish,
the number ...

Action Hank: That sucker
was paper!

Dexter: Action Hank!

I thought I smelled
stubble and trouble,

so I decided
to drop in.

Two action Hanks?

But which one's
the real one?

Who cares?

Get them!

Hank, we're
still out-bearded
two to one!

Quick, throw me your beard.

[Groans]

Oh!

Fois Gras: Oh, you're
not quite through, Hanks.

But you're both finished!

En garde!

Maybe now you will
get my point!

Ah!

Aye!

Oh!

Nice moves,
little Hank.

Wow, thanks!
We really did it!

Well, with beards
this rugged,

was there any doubt
in your mind?

[Laughs nervously]

Actually, Hank,
I must confess.

This is only
a synthetic beard.

I'm not really rugged enough
to grow my own yet.

Ah, that's all right,
little Hank.

It doesn't matter
if you have the beard
on the outside,

as long as
you got the beard
on the inside.

[Laughing]

So long, little Hank.

So long, action Hank.

There you are!

We've been looking
all over for you!

And Mrs. Claus
has been worried sick!

[Ringing]

Huh?

Huh?

Together: I won!

No, I got here--
no, I got here--

I was here first.
No, I did.

[Arguing]

[Teacher clears throat]

Mandark! Dexter!

We're sorry, Mr. Luzinski.

Very well.

Now, class. Can anyone tell me
what tomorrow is?

Duh, Friday?

Our game with
southside elementary?

Crush the gators!

The th anniversary
of the splitting of the atom?

The birthday of the first
electron microscope?

Annabelle's birthday.

Aw, y'all shouldn't have!

Well, I guess
all those things are true,

but I just wanted
to announce that tomorrow
is show-and-tell day.

Ah, show-and-tell!

[Thinking]
Another perfect opportunity
to beat Dexter.

And by transmoglifying
my lab ducky, I shall succeed
at my most favorite desire.

[Laughing]

[Thinking]
Ah, show-and-tell.

Another perfect opportunity
to beat mandark.

And by transmoglifying
my lab monkey, I shall succeed
at my most favorite desire.

[Laughing]

[Both laughing]

Dexter, voice-over:
Countless exposures
to biatomic energy.

All testing proves negative.

No enhanced abilities.

No physical mutations.

No nothing!

It seems that you shall
never become anything
more than a mere monkey!

Oh, well. I guess
your special trick
will have to do the job.

Good night, monkey.

Narrator: But little
does Dexter know

that monkey is
actuallymonkey,

the superpowered chimp
who protects our galaxy

from all sorts
of intergalactic evil!

Mandark, voice-over:
After countless exposure

to biatomic energy,

all testing proves negative.

No enhanced abilities.

No physical mutations.

No nothing!

It seems you shall
never become

anything more
than a mere ducky!

Oh, well. I guess your
special trick will have
to do the job.

[Quack]

Good night, ducky.

Narrator: But little does
mandark know

that when the moonlight
hits ducky,

it transforms him
into quackor the fowl!

And now, back to our story.

Mandark: Oh! Ah! Ooh!

Ooh! Ah!

I have to beat Dexter,
sworn enemy.

Have to destroy
Dexter's lab.

Mandark: Have to destroy
Dexter's lab!

[Echoing]
Have to destroy Dexter's lab!

If only ducky could.

Ah, stupid Dee Dee
coming into my lab,

using secret entrance
behind the bookcase.

[Chattering]

[Quacking]

[Chattering]

[Quacking]

[Chattering]

[Quacking]

[Chattering]

[Quacking]

[Chattering]

[Quacking]

[Quacking]

[Chattering]

[Chattering]

[Quacking]

[Quacking]

[Chattering]

[Chattering angrily]

[Quacking ferociously]

[Chattering angrily]

[Angry chattering and quacking]

[Thuds and crashes]

Dexter: Monkey!

It's time for your big day!

[Ringing]

Well, class.

I'm glad everyone is excited
about show-and-tell today.

Now, who would like
to go first?

Ooh! I'm first!

No, me! No, me!
I'm first!

No, I am!

Not so fast!

[Together]
Ladies and gentlemen,

boys and girls,

from the dawn
of man, comes--

feast your eyes
on the wondrous

avis anseris!

Familia primate!

Boy: What do theydo?

[Together]
Oh, yes. That's right.

Watch and be amazed
at the incredible
feats of agility!

Come on, come on!

This is all
your fault!

No, it's not!
It's your fault!

Your fault!
This is your fault!

Mandark! Dexter!

I don't want to hear
another word out of you two!

Got that?

Narrator: Suddenly...

I, the evil math magician,

shall capture all the children

and force them
to do homework forever!

Narrator: Just then...

Major glory!

You asked for it!

Uh-uh-uh! No v*olence
in schools.

Hmm, you're right.
But there is one way
to stop you.

No! Not justice fruit pies,

the delicious treat
you'd have to be crazy
to hate!

Ooh, I give up!

Thanks, major glory!

[Mumbling]
Don't thank me, thank
justice fruit pies!

What?

I said, don't th--

oh!

[Laughing]

[Chomping]

Cookies!

[Giggling]

Aah!

Ant!

Aah!

Icky, icky ants!

Computer: Dee Dee
using father's golf shoes.

Dee Dee using
father's golf shoes.

Say your prayers,
ants!

This is madness.

Dee Dee, cease
this mindless behavior.

Have you any inkling
of what you are
about to do?

Well, I...

Quiet! I am speaking
rhetorically.

Of course you don't!

Allow me to explain
the irony of the situation
to you.

You are about to destroy
a highly organized,
hard-working society,

you sub-intellectual
walking broomstick!

Ants are a marvel
of insect evolution.

Ants are--

icky.

To be respected.

Icky.

Respected. Icky.

Respected.

Even though
you are undeserving,

I have no choice
but to further
educate you

in the superior ways
of the tiny titans.

I do this not for you.

I do it for the ants.

Dexter: It is here
in my astounding laboratory

that you shall gain
a newfound respect

for the noble denizens
of the dirt,

for I, Dexter, have used
my superior intellect

to assemble
the world's largest,

most amazing ant farm!

I call it

antopia!

Behold the wonders
of the mighty ant kingdom.

Observe how they are always
on the move,

forever working,
forever building, never tiring.

Ants can lift times
their own weight.

And if one is injured,
the others instantly assist him.

[Whistle blows]

Dexter: And keep
the line moving!

Show's over.

Now, do you not see
how incredible they are?

[Chewing]

See? See...Food!

Hmm, very well.

You leave me
no alternative.

You must learn respect

for creatures that are
far superior to you.

Seafood!

We will enter
the ant world

and live amongst them!

But in order to do so,
we must Don

the ant pants.

Thorax!

Abdomen!

Communicators!

Activate shrink ray!

[Yelping in pain]

We made it,
Dee Dee!

Now we can see firsthand
the mysteries
of the ants' genius.

And with
these communicators,

we can understand
their language.

Ant: You there!

Why aren't you working?

I'm a, well,
great admirer,

educating, uh,
sister, you see?

Back in line,
mindless drones!

Yes, sir.
Right away,
Mr. Ant.

Way to go, bugster.
Now we're both
in trouble!

We are not,
Dee Dee.

All we need to do
is conform
to their ways,

and I am certain
they will accept us.

Psst, Dexter.

I'm outta here.

Ha ha! I got
a special assignment
for you!

Oh, boy.

[Panting]

[Groans]

Ouch!

The queen will see you,
lazy one.

I hope Dee Dee
is as miserable as I am.

Ok! A-one, a-two.

♪ If you wanna dance
and have a little fun ♪

♪ stick your legs
out in front ♪

♪ that's the way it's done

♪ you turn around once
so we can see your back ♪

♪ and you go into the kitchen
and you have a little snack ♪

Yay!

Yuk yuk yuk!

[Cheering]

Well, sl*ve,

it appears you
haven't been showing
much enthusiasm

for your job.

We cannot tolerate
laziness!

Perhaps you'd be
a bit more motivated

when saving your life
becomes your job!

[Cheers and applause]

I hereby sentence you
to fight to the death!

Release big red!

[Cheering]

[Roaring]

I am a thinker,
not a fighter.

Must reverse the shrink ray

and return Dee Dee and myself
to normal size!

[Gasps]

[Cheering]

[Laughing nervously]

May I just say that
you are a fine specimen
of the genus formicidae?

Dee Dee: May I have
your attention, please?

I have a special message
for Mr. Big red.

[Roaring]

A-one, a-two.

♪ If you want to dance
and have a little fun ♪

♪ stick your legs
out in front ♪

♪ that's the way
it's done ♪

♪ you turn around once
so we can see your back ♪

♪ then you go into the kitchen
and you have a little snack ♪

Let's get big,
Dee Dee.

Gee, Dexter.
You were right.

The antsare

take this! And this!
And then this!

How about that one!
And then this one, too!

enter at
your own peril,

past
the vaulted door

where impossible
things may happen

that the world's
never seen before.

♪ In Dexter's
laboratory ♪

♪ lives
the smartest boy ♪

♪ you've ever seen

♪ but Dee Dee blows
his experiments ♪

♪ to smithereens

♪ there is
gloom and doom ♪

♪ while things
go boom ♪

♪ in Dexter's lab