♪ My name is Cleveland Brown ♪
♪ And I am proud to be ♪
♪ Right back in my hometown ♪
♪ With my new family ♪
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
♪ And even a bear ♪
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
♪ It's true love we share ♪
♪ And so I found a place ♪
♪ Where everyone will know ♪
♪ My happy mustached face ♪
♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪
Hey, guys.
Ready for the Super Bowl party
next week?
I am.
♪ ♪
♪ Super Bowl, Super Bowl,
Super Bowl-owl-owl ♪
♪ Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa Par-Party ♪
♪ Is happening Sunday. ♪
Super Bowl!
Yeah!
Whoo-hoo!
I'm ready for some foosball!
I got our Super Bowl party
all planned out.
Big screen TV here.
Bratwurst launcher over there.
Beer bucket, puke bucket,
beer bucket, puke bucket.
We'll make sure to
label them this time.
I just hope
the half-time entertainment's
better than it was last year.
♪ Tweet ♪
♪ Tweety-li- deet ♪
♪ Tweet ♪
♪ Tweety-li-deet. ♪
So now that we've all agreed
not to tell anyone
about the spanking,
let us commence
the Changing of the Guard
of the Class Turtle.
Rallo Tubbs,
please place your hand
on this Amazon Kindle
with the Bible loaded on it
and recite the oath.
I, Rallo Tubbs,
do solemnly swear
to protect this turtle
and feed him the pellets
that look the same going in
as they do coming out.
In the name of the Father,
the Son...
Eh, eh, there's no need
for any of that hocus-pocus.
By the power vested in me,
I grant you custody
of the class turtle,
Turt Russell.
Julius?
And bring on the ladies.
Ooh, Rallo.
He's so cute.
You're so nurturing.
I trust you.
I like turtles.
There we go.
Lined the cage with USA Today
so he can poop on poop.
Now, so I can monitor
what's going on in here...
Turtle, turtle, turtle, turtle!
I'm Cleveland Brown, Jr.
Most people call me Junior, not
to be confused with the mints.
Why aren't you looking
at me, turtle?
Hey, I'm over here!
Hey, quit tapping on the glass.
Who said that?
Who do you think, fool?
Oh, my God.
You're a talking turtle!
Uh...
Yes.
Yes, I am.
Ain't I a stinker?
I don't know.
Are you a stinker?
Uh, no.
I am not a stinker.
Got to go.
Whew! Saved it.
Saved what?
Agh!
There's cake.
There's cake.
There's cake.
Do you remember when she
perioded in her white pants?
Yeah, poor thing.
I know.
I feel bad for her.
Man, I can't believe
that Tom has been here
for 25 years.
What a legacy.
What a waste of a life.
Thank you, thank you all.
I hope there's another
25 years ahead of me.
Oh, my God, he's choking
on this dried-out,
lonely cake!
I think it's good.
Oh...
He's dead.
I get his desk chair!
I call the glass-fronted
bookshelves!
I want that
"Leadership" poster!
You know, with Tom,
Waterman's gonna
need to hire
a new Intra-Regional Junior
Associate Managing Assistant
Co-Vice President of Marketing
Solutions, Digital Division.
I was thinking about
submitting for that job.
But then I thought, "Nah."
But then I thought,
"Why not?"
But then I thought,
"Nah, who cares?"
And then I forgot
all about it, until now.
And now I'm
thinking, "Yeah."
But I don't know.
Terry, you should do it.
Just think, if you
were the boss,
you could promote me
to being your boss.
And then I could
promote you.
And so on, et cetera.
Pretty soon, we'd be
running the place!
Hell, why wouldn't
Mr. Waterman give me this job?
He's always offering
to give me all types of jobs.
Oh, this is going to be great.
My best friend's going
to be my new boss.
Hooray!
Hooray! Tom's in heaven!
Doesn't have
any more problems!
Paradise!
But with Australia,
it's two armies every turn,
one point of entry.
You control Australia,
you control the world.
Even though, in real life,
those people
are drunken beach trash
who are always on vacation.
All right! Enough Risk!
I've been talking
about myself so much.
Tell me something about you.
Here's what you need
to know about me.
I'm broke.
What do you need money for?
I want a pool cue.
Cool.
My brother Rallo's been asking
for one of those, too.
Listen man, if
you're not a jerk,
you'll put the
money on my shell.
Feels a little light.
That's more like it.
Now, there's a stack
of turtle homework
in Rallo's backpack.
Go do it.
Turtle homework? Yay!
Cleveland, they just
delivered ten kegs of beer
for your Super Bowl party.
We can't afford this.
Don't worry, Donna.
When Terry gets
that promotion,
he'll give me a big,
fat raise, cut my hours--
he'll do whatever
I tell him to.
He will be no more
than my puppet.
Cleveland, you do realize that
if you got that promotion,
you could do
all that stuff yourself,
and make even more money
in the process.
Be my own puppet, you say?
Interesting.
Party over here!
Oh, that's nasty.
Hooray!
Agh! Creepy.
And then I would become the
first lady of Waterman Cable.
Well, technically, Lydia
Waterman is the first lady.
Then I would be
the Jill Biden
of Waterman Cable.
I'd be the Jill Biden
of Waterman Cable.
And I'd finally be able
to tell all those b*tches
at the supermarket to suck it!
We'd be untouchable!
Cleveland, you have
to apply for that job.
You're right, Donna.
I can't let anyone stand
in my way.
I've got to be ruthless.
Like Bob the Builder
before his morning coffee.
Terry, I have
a confession to make.
I also applied
for the job.
I know.
I have a
confession, too.
I urinated in
your coffee!
It's time to announce which
of you blue-collar dolts
is about to take the name off
his shirt and put it on a door.
The winner
of the promotion is...
Tim the Bear!
Yeah!
Wowee zowee!
Thank you, Lloyd.
You know, uh,
three days ago,
when you told me
I got this job,
and um, made me promise
not to tell anybody,
I thought, uh,
"This guy is hilarious."
Now, don't think of me
as a 2,000-pound k*lling machine
who now has the
ability to fire you.
Think of me as your friend.
So, Tim, I think
I'm coming down
with a little
"beer-itis," huh?
Hey, come here.
Now you've got it, too.
What do you say we take
the rest of the day off?
Uh, that's a big negatory
there, good buddy.
We're going to need to stay
a little later tonight
to get everyone caught up
to the snuff, as it were.
How late?
I don't know, like, 6:30?
S-S-S-S-Six thirty?
No!
Oh, crap!
Tim, that
shook me up real bad.
I'm gonna need
to leave early.
6:30.
Aw.
Man, yesterday,
Tim had the nerve
to ask me how many
installs I've done.
Excuse me?
I used to come to work to relax.
Now it's the most stressful
part of my day.
Tell me about it.
I might sh**t
this place up.
Not you guys.
You guys seem cool.
You know what? Make sure
you wear red on Friday.
I've always thought
you were neat, Chad.
A neat guy.
And if you think about it,
if you sh**t up
the office on Monday,
the survivors would probably
get the rest of the week off,
instead of just the weekend.
Just my two cents.
Okay, guys, that's your,
uh, 15-second warning
to wrap up your break.
I'm looking at you,
Cleveland.
You're supposed to be
installing cable in a house,
not-not-not cheese Danish
in your mouth.
Ten seconds.
Ten seconds? Oh...
Oh, Donna.
I didn't know you'd
taken a second job
as a gas station attendant.
Good for you.
Excuse me?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I forgot that poor people
fill up their own cars.
Ever since Timothy
got his promotion,
I'm a full-service gal.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm going to buy my milk.
At the gas station.
Where we know
it's overpriced.
That could have been my life.
Why did I say no to Tim
after that block party?!
Cleveland, Terry,
can you, uh...
can you come in
here for a second?
I wanted the two of you
to see something.
To increase productivity,
I have installed
what are commonly called nanny
cams in each, uh, repair truck.
I told you that Teddy bear
wasn't always there.
Their cable went out.
We were there on business.
I had the flu.
Don't remember that.
We were entertaining
a Japanese dignitary.
Cleveland,
you're fired...
...is what I should say.
But because
we're friends,
I'm just gonna
reduce your salary
by, uh, let's
say, uh, uh, 15%.
15 percent?!
That's my tipping money,
plus an extra ten percent.
♪ If you refuse me,
honey, you'll lose me ♪
♪ And you'll be left alone,
oh, baby ♪
♪ Telephone,
and tell me I'm your own! ♪
ROLLO
One more time.
This time backwards.
Oh!
Damn, kid's got chops.
Cleveland,
what happened?!
Donna, it was terrible!
Tim... had us work...
eight... hours...
in one day!
With only an
hour for lunch!
I had to take up smoking
just to take breaks.
And now I'm hooked.
It's like a legal high.
Oh, these things are amazing.
Donna, remind me
to buy cigarettes
for the Super Bowl party.
And lots of 'em.
Aah! My vice!
Look at you.
This isn't the man
I married.
The man I married wouldn't
let himself get pushed around,
while his wife has to watch
a bear buy gas station milk!
But Donna, what can I do?!
You have
to get him to see
that your friendship is more
important than that promotion.
And then he'll step down,
and you can steal the promotion.
Hurry, Cleveland.
Before Arianna gets
a brick pizza oven
and I have
to k*ll myself.
Take me.
Take me right here.
And... boom
goes the dynamite.
Knock-knock.
Have a sec?
I do.
Nobody likes you.
What?!
Look, I'm just saying,
there are some things
that are more important
than this promotion.
Friendship, for one.
Are you saying
that you're not going
to be friends with me
if I keep this job?
Your words.
Ow.
Ow!
I will pay for those.
Ah, bitch!
Attention,
everybody.
Two things.
Uh, first, Chad,
uh, you're fired.
Too creepy.
I will turn your face
into a toilet bowl of blood.
Yeah, see, see, that's, uh...
that's what
I'm talking about right there.
Uh, pl-please leave.
The second thing is,
that I can tell
morale is pretty low
because of the recent
round of layoff.
So, uh, we are going
on a mandatory work retreat
all weekend long!
Bus leaves
in one hour.
Work retreat?!
But we're going
to miss the Super Bowl!
Cleveland,
do something!
Are we really gonna
take this, Cleveland?
Do you think there'll
be cake, Cleveland?
Shh, shh!
Calm down, everybody.
When, in the course
of human events,
your boss starts acting
all mean...
Uh, hang on.
...you can either bend over
and take it,
or you can fight back.
Who wants to bend over
and take it?
Well, I shouldn't have asked,
because we're gonna fight back!
Because I am not about
to miss my Super Bowl party!
You're having
a Super Bowl party?!
I didn't invite work people
because that would ruin it!
Okay, everyone
We all hate Tim.
We don't like
his ideas.
Okay, Boo-Boo, who brought
the pic-a-nic basket?
I'm kidding.
It-It's okay for
me to say that,
but that-that's a negative
stereotype that we...
that we've been
fighting for years.
So, uh, uh,
hand me your, uh,
personal and team goals
forms on your way out.
Tim is no good.
Okay, " ...
the fat bear."
Okay, "... you."
" ... you."
" ... your mom."
Oh, I-I guess my dad was
on the bus somewhere.
Okay.
Okay, now, uh... now
for the first team exercise,
let's build
a latrine!
Let's not
and say we did.
Geez, Louise, when did
Cleveland become such a wit?
It's going to be hard
to compete with him out here.
You've got to do something,
Tim the Bear.
Maybe it would help
if I think about this
in my native language.
That's it!
Scavenger hunt!
Okay, let's have
a scavenger hunt.
Uh, everybody,
pair up.
Cleveland,
you're on my team.
Why?
Because
I don't trust you.
Or myself around his wife.
Oh, why couldn't Donna
have said yes to me
at the block party?
♪ Got a brand-new cue stick ♪
♪ Gonna play pool... ♪
Oh, my God. Turt! Where's Turt?!
Rallo, we got to talk.
There's a few things you
got to know about Turt.
One, he could talk.
Two, he was a d*ck.
And three, I put him
in the storm drain.
What?! Oh, God!
He was my responsibility!
Aw, Mrs. Lowenstein
is going to k*ll me!
I'm going to throw these
down the storm drain, too.
They're acting all weird.
So, uh, how-how many things
on the list did you find?
None.
Well, how hard did you look?
Not hard.
You know, Cleveland,
you-you might want to think
about, uh, changing
your 'tude, dude.
You're an idiot.
This whole
weekend's an idiot.
I'm going back to camp.
Give me the map.
What map? I thought...
I thought you had the map.
Oh, my God,
we're lost in the woods!
Oh. Oh, God.
Okay. Okay. Okay.
It's okay.
It's okay. Just breathe.
What are you
worried about?
You're a bear.
I'm scared of the woods!
Why do you think
I bought a house, man?
Aah! Dead leaves! Dirt!
Look at you.
You stink in the office,
and you stink in the woods.
You're a bum.
You're not even good
at being a bear.
Oh, yeah? Well, you
have a bad work ethic!
Yeah, I went there.
How dare you!
I ran a Rhode Island
delicatessen
that Big Fat Paulie
went into one time.
Oh, I didn't even want
this stupid promotion.
Arianna wanted it.
Hey, you-you want the job
so bad, you be the boss.
I don't want
to be the boss.
Donna wanted me
to be the boss.
Wow.
I guess if it weren't for
our horrible, nagging wives,
none of this would
have happened.
Huh. I guess
you're right.
Once again,
it's our wives' fault.
Hey, you know
what I'm thinking?
That we could swap wives?!
What? Oh, God, no.
I was thinking
if we put our heads together,
we can find our way
back to camp.
What do you say, boss?
You mean friend.
Friend.
Hey!
Did we used
to work together?
Good news.
We're gonna make it back
in time for the Super Bowl!
And then I told him
to sing it again,
and he did, and
then, he got cross,
and he threw Turt
down a storm drain,
but it's all my fault,
and I'm sorry,
and I hope I haven't lost
your trust forever,
because our relationship
means the world to me,
Mrs. Lowenstein.
The world.
Come with me.
I'll let you in
on a little secret.
The class turtle
has gone home
with 11 different
children this year,
and not one
has brought it back.
But that's impossible.
Not when I have these.
What's going on here?
Why you giving out turtles if
you know we gonna lose 'em?
To teach you kids that
you're too young to have sex.
If you can't take care
of a turtle,
how are you supposed
to take care of a baby?
I'm not. I'm five.
Exactly. So keep it
in your pants, mister.
Okay.
Now, here,
take Turt Russell 13
and bring him
to school tomorrow.
Or don't.
They're just turtles.
Watch.
Huh?
Yay! Yay!
Hmm?
Mrs. Lowenstein,
you're all right.
♪ Super Bowl! ♪
I got five grand
on the line.
Heads? Aw, crap.
Well, the joke's
on my stupid bookie.
I don't have five grand.