02x08 - Bad Hair Day/Forbidden Hat of Gold

[bunniefuu]

We interrupt this program to bring you
Courage the Cowardly Dog Show.

Starring Courage the Cowardly Dog.

[SHADOW GROWLS
THEN COURAGE SCREAMS]

Abandoned as a pup...

...he was found by Muriel,
who lives in the middle of Nowhere...

...with her husband, Eustace Bagge.

[GRUNTS]

ANNOUNCER'.
But creepy stuff happens in Nowhere.

It's up to Courage to save his new home.

[SCREAMING]

Stupid dog! You made me look bad.

[EUSTACE YELLING
THEN COURAGE SCREAMING]

MAN 1: Is it my imagination
or have our piles of cash gotten smaller?

MAN 2: Yes, sir.
MAN 2: Yes, sir, it's much smaller.

MAN 1: We must be running out of subjects
with bland type ABXYZ again.

All in favor of finding new subjects,
oink like a big fat pig.

[MEN OINKING]

That's it, then. We find new subjects.

Hohauser, start making calls.

[RINGING]

Dr. Vindaloo.

[PERSON TALKING INDISTINCTLY
OVER PHONE]

I'm sorry, but it would be unethical to share
my patient's personal information with--

Haw much?

That much?

What do you want to know?

[PERSON TALKING INDISTINCTLY
OVER PHONE]

ABXYZ is a very rare bland type.

I do have one patient with that bland type.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Muriel Bagge?

Bland type ABXYZ?

Yes? Can I help you?

Growth Industries would like you to participate
in cur, uh, research for science...

...and things like that.

[GROWLING]

Growth Industries is prepared to offer you
this much money.

We'll take it.

New, Eustace, don't be greedy.

- I'm sorry, but I've gut sewing to do.
- Mm-hm.

[GROWLING]

Haw about this much?

Gaah! Och!

[GROWLS]

I'm sorry, but my answer is no.

Have it your way.

We'll be in touch.

[RINGING]

Hello?

[PERSON TALKING INDISTINCTLY
OVER PHONE]

Well, okay.

If you insist.

The hospital wants me
to spend a few days there...

...so they can make sure
my spleen is hooked up right.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Your spleen is hacked up fine.

New, what about me fond?

Still, it pays to be an the safe side.

I wouldn't want my spleen ta get tangled
or whatever it is spleens do.

Oh!

[ENGINE STARTS THEN TIRES SCREECH]

Stupid dog.

It's probably your fault her spleen is twisted.

And new I've gut nothing to eat.

[BABBLING]

[BABBLING CONTINUES OVER PHONE]

Muriel Bagge?

Na, I cannot tell you anything about her.

It would be unethical
to reveal my patient's personal information.

Sc please don't call me again
unless there is big bucks involved.

Did I say that out laud? Ha-ha-ha.

I was confused by my submarine.

Muriel is in trouble.

[MURIEL SCREAMS]

[SCREAMS]

[VINDALOO HUMMING]

[SCREAMING]

I lave my submarine. It's so pretty.

EUSTACE:
Huh? "Property of Growth Industries?"

[BABBLING]

Why, that double-crossing
Growth Industries.

They t*nk Muriel after she said no.

Well, I'm not putting up with this.

- Mm-mm.
- If they gut Muriel, they're gonna pay.

[WHIMPERS]

In cash.

Lats of cash.

[BOTH SCREAM]

Ma, what are you doing here?

Oh, hello, Courage.

Goad to see you.

Yeah. Hi, stupid bay.

[GRUMBLES]

I got a new job running this place.

Didn't I tell you?

I'm the bigwig.

You never told me that.

You never tell me anything.

You gut Muriel in there?

- Muriel who?
- Me wife.

Never heard of her. Goodbye.

I think you gut Muriel in there.

And if you do, I want me money.

Well, if you don't believe me, I'll show you.

Came an, stupid bay.

[EUSTACE YELLS]

[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

MA:
This is the Hair for Hunger Institute.

Where we turn hair into fund
to feed hungry people.

Team Hair...

...where we're developing
all sorts of hair spurts.

Hair for Housing...

...where people grow their awn homes.

[EUSTACE GRUNTS]

Okay? Satisfied?

Oh, sure, Ma. I believe you.

Maybe Muriel has already gone home.
See you.

Stupid bay.

- Stupid dog.
- Huh?

Here, have these collectors' item wigs
courtesy of Growth Industries.

[LAUGHS]

New get out of here.

Hey. Nat bad.

[LAUGHING]

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTING]

[SNORING]

Ooh!

[GROANING]

[WHIRRING]

[SCREAMING]

MURIEL:
Courage, is that you?

[BABBLING]

Courage, aver here.

[WHIMPERING]

[SCREAMING]

[MACHINE WHIRRING]

- Oh!
- Oh, Courage.

So good to see you.

Get that dog.

[COURAGE WHIMPERING]

[GASPS]

[WHIRRING]

Oh, no.

[ALARM BLARING]

[THUGS YELL]

You stupid dog.

[GRUNTS]

[MUMBLING]

[HORN HONKS]

MURIEL [MUFFLED]:
Courage!

Courage, is that you?
- Huh?

[GRUNTING]

Oh. "W"

MA:
You stupid, snooping dog.

Get away from there.

[SCREAMING]

[MUFFLED YELLING]

Now, Courage,
come to Ma like a good doggie.

Courage.

I only want to pet you.

I have a doggie treat.

Get out of there. That's my hair.

[SCREAMING]

My hair. My hair is gone.

I'm ugly. Ugly-

ugly!

[sesame]

MURIEL [MUFFLED]:
Courage, are you still there?

Muriel, I'll save you.

[SINGING THEN YELLING]

[SHAVER WHIRRING]

Thanks, Courage.

Everything was getting so fuzzy.

[SCREAMS]

[SIREN WAILING]

MURIEL:
Oh! Oh, my.

FIREMAN [ON LOUDSPEAKER]:
This is the Fire Department.

Evacuate the building.

Ugly. Ugly!

[sesame]

Ah, Courage, you're a cream rinse, you are.

Huh?

[LAUGHING]

Eustace, what happened to you?

Money.

[LAUGHING]

VINDALOO:
I lave my submarine. It's so pretty.

ANNOUNCER". This legendary hat
was made of solid gold...

...and was kept
by a secret society of monks.

No one has ever seen the hat.

No one, except a legendary explorer...

...who made a map
leading to the forbidden hat of gold.

Blah-blah-blah.

But the map and the hat
have never been found.

That explorer was this man.

That's my brother.

That's Hurst. Ha-ha-ha.

Did you say something, Eustace?

[LAUGHING]

Hey, Hurst, didn't you leave me a map?
Heh-heh-heh.

[LAUGHS]

Get away from me.

[WHIMPERING]

[WHIRRING]

Oh. "W"

[GRUNTING]

[LAUGHING]

EUSTACE:
I'm getting that gold hat.

And I'm gonna be rich.

Rich, rich, rich.

But I ain't telling Muriel or that stupid dog.

- Tell us what, Eustace?
- Ugh!

[GROWLS]

We're going an vacation.

- Oh, haw lovely.
- Yay!

[ANIMALS HOOTING AND SCREECHING]

Eustace,
I'm beginning to think you've gone daft.

The hotel is just around the corner.

Oh.

There it is, our hotel.

Why do I get the feeling
they don't have roam service?

[MUMBLING]

MURIEL:
Whomever steps inside this place

Must vanity and greed erase

For if you're vain, well, that's no good

[WHIMPERS]

Signed, all of us who wear a hood

"P.S.: We warned you."

- Gobbledygook.
-Sounds like people...

...who love themselves and their money
more than anything else aren't welcome here.

Big deal.

[YAWN s]

I'm gonna be rich.

Me, me, me. Rich, rich, rich.

I lave me when I'm rich.

[LAUGHS]

[EUSTACE LAUGHS]

Nat that I'm aching to know,
but what's in there?

EUSTACE:
It's the, uh-- It's where you check in.

I'm beginning ta think
this isn't a five-star resort.

What-f? Huh?

Bingo.

[EUSTACE LAUGHING]

Oh. "W"

It's beautiful.

I'd sure look good wearing that hat.

[CHUCKLES]

CROWD [CHANTING]:
Eustace, Eustace, Eustace!

Ha-ha! Ow!

- Can't you read? "Dc not touch."
- Nape.

[GROWLS]

Ha, ha, ha.

[RUMBLING]

New see what you went and dune, Eustace?

[ALL SCREAMING]

Eh?

[EUSTACE SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

[WHIMPERING]

[BELL RINGS THEN EUSTACE GASPS]

[GRUNTING]

[YELLING]

[SCREAMING]

[WHIMPERING]

[SCREAMING]

EUSTACE: Uhn!
MURIEL: OOf!

Oh, what naughty people you are.

You shouldn't ought to have touched
the Golden Hat.

Didn't read our sign, did you?
Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Yaah!

This will go a lot better for you
if you tell us where you hid the hat.

You're bluffing, you bunch of hippies.

[mes LING]

Okay.

You better give up the hat
or one of you is gonna be sacrificed.

You have one minute to think it aver.

They ain't sacrificing no one.
Lousy, stinking, lying hippies.

- They sounded pretty serious to me.
- Mm-hm.

Eh. They're just blowing smoke.

Where is that hat anyway?

Hat? What hat?

Time's up.

Eustace.

Fakers. Hippie fakers.

We warned you.

Eustace, do something.

They're bluffing, I'm telling you.

Bluffing hippies.

[GRUNTING]

[YELLING AND GRUNTING]

You should have paid attention ta the poem.

What are you trying to do, get him mad?

Stupid dog. Stupid hippies.

M O N K:
The poem, the poem, the poem.

MURIEL:
Whomever steps inside this place

Must vanity and greed erase

Sounds like people who lave themselves
and their money more than anything else...

...aren't welcome here.

[YELLING]

[GRUNTING]

[GROWLING]

[YELLS]

[MONKS CHATTERING]

Och.

[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[SCREAMING]

[THUDDING]

Oh. "W"

Muriel, I'll save you.

[BABBLING]

Thanks, Mr. Mouse.

Na prob.

[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMS]

[MUFFLED GROANING]

[GRUNTING]

ALL:
Och. Ahh.

That's a fine and fancy coat you gut there.

Nice coat.

That is a coat!

Eh. Could use some alterations.

You think I'd look good in that coat?

Oh, it's slimming.

I'll take one.

Wonderful quality.

Does it came in mauve?

[ALL CHATTERING]

Oh, Courage, it's so good to see you.

[COURAGE YELLS]

[RUMBLING]

[ALL SCREAMING]

We were warned
that vanity would be our undoing.

But who cares? Don't I look gorgeous?

[MONKS SCREAMING]

[SHIP HORN BLARING]

MURIEL:
Well, Courage, it goes to show you.

If someone takes the time
to etch a poem on a plaque...

...you'd better take it seriously,
especially if it rhymes.

I just hope Eustace made it out okay.

[GRUNTING]

What's-f? Huh?

[LAUGHING]

[GRUNTS]

[LAUGHS]

I lave me when I'm rich.

[LAUGHING]

[GRUNTS]

[GROANS]

Stupid hat.

EUSTACE:
Stupid dog.