03x12 - The Quilt Club/Swindlin' Wind

[bunniefuu]

-We interrupt this program to bring you

Courage the Cowardly Dog show!

- Starring Courage, the Cowardly Dog!
-(COURAGE SCREAMS)

Abandoned as a pup,
he was found by Muriel,

who lives in the middle of Nowhere
with her husband Eustace Bagge.

EU ST ACE GRUNT S}
-But creepy stuff happens in Nowhere.

- It's up to Courage to save his new home.
-(SCREAMING)

Stupid dog! You made me look bad!

-(EUSTACE YELLS)
-(COURAGE SCREAMS)

(SIGN SQUEAKING)

(EUSTACE SNEEZES)

(SNEEZES)

Darn quilt dust!

(BLOWS NOSE)

Giving me allergies.

(SNEEZES)

Muriel!

-(MURIEL HUMMING)
-(SNEEZING CONTINUES)

(LAUGHING)

(GRUNTING)

Ow'.!

(HUMMING CONTINUES)

(COURAGE GRUNTING)

'(CHOM PS)
"(LAUG HS)

I'm waiting in the truck!

-(SNEEZES LOUDLY)
-(CRASHING)

Oh, my!

Would you look at that!

(GRUNTING)

May I help you?

Yes, thank you. I...

May I help you?

Why, yes, but...

BOTH: May we help you?

(GRUNTING)

(SCREAMING)

Oh. Oh, my! Hello. I'm Muriel.

Aleeza Stitch.

Eliza Stitch.

BOTH: The Stitch sisters!

How do you do?
I was wondering about your quilt club.

BOTH: Yes. Our quilt club.

Oh, so many different designs.

Did your quilt club do this?

There's a little bit
of everyone in it, yes.

Oh, it's lovely.

I love my quilting.

But it's such a lonely hobby
to do all by myself.

It would be so nice to belong.

We are very particular
about who may join.

Why don't you bring in
samples of your work?

(SNIFFING)

-(QUILT GROWLS)
-(GASPS)

(BABBLING)

I know just the thing.

See these old swatches?

They're from Eustace's old things.

I've been making a memory quilt
for him out of--

We prefer to make new memories here.

I see.

Oh, well, I suppose I could
try quilting something else.

Yes, you must.

And we'll see if you're quilt material.

Quilt-club material.

BOTH: (LAUGHING) Yes.

(MURIEL LAUGHING)

(WINDMILL SQUEAKING)

(EUSTACE SNEEZES)

(SNIFFLING)

(WHINING) Muriel!

Stupid quilts.

Stupid dust.

(SNEEZES)

No, these won't do at all.

(STRAINING)

(WHIMPERS)

EUSTACE: (WHINING) Muriel?

Muriel?

Let me see. What would impress them?

Something bright and colorful.

I know.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

- ALEEZA: Hmm.
- ELIZA: Hmm.

How badly do you want
to belong to the club?

Well, I've always enjoyed
belonging to clubs.

And I'd be happy to make tea
for everybody.

QUILT: (GROWLING) No!

This rag is not special at all.
You'll have to try again.

(WINDMILL SQUEAKING)

(SLURPING)

(SPITTING)

(EXCLAIMS)

- You call this tea?
-(CUP SMASHING)

-(TRAY CLATTERING)
- Muriel!

(SEWING MACHINE WHIRRING)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

wens)

BOTH: How badly do you want to belong?

Very badly.

How does your husband feel about it?

You mean Eustace?
I'll guess I'll ask him.

QUILT: (GROWLING) No!

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

You'll have to do better
than that trifle.

(SIGHS WEARILY)

(MURIEL GRUNTS)

Muriel, throw out all this junk
and make me some...

Huh?

Oh, what the...

I'm getting into that club.
I'm getting in.

I'm getting in.

(GRUNTS)

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

(BOTH GASPING)

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

-(ALL GRUNTING)
-(WHISTLE BLOWING)

How badly do you want to belong?

Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Uh-huh!

More than you belong with Eustace?

Who?

(QUILT GROWLING)

BOTH: Welcome to the quilt club.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

And tonight will be your initiation.

(WINDMILL SQUEAKING)

(WOLF HOWLING)

(POTS BUBBLING)

(SLURPS)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Come in. Come in.

But where are the other members?

- Muriel, dear.
-(DOOR CLOSING)

For your initiation,

all you have to do is quilt this symbol...

(PEN SQUEAKING)

(WHIMPERS)

Into this fabric.

Yes! Anything! Anything! Right away!

(CAMERA CLICKING)

(KEYBOARD TAPPING)

(COMPUTER BEEPING)

COMPUTER: The symbol is
a universal sign of everlasting life

dating back to prehistoric man.

(ALEEZA AND ELIZA LAUGHING)

(GASPS)

COMPUTER: Descended from Abyssinia,

through Babylonia,

past Constantinople,

and all the way to Broadway
and 42nd Street.

(SCREAMS)

COMPUTER: (LAUGHS) Just joking.

Humph!

ELIZA: Excellent.

You're ready to join us at last.

Oh, goody-goody!

Now, let's all sew your
patch to the quilt.

BOTH: And you'll never be lonely again.

(QUILT GROWLING)

- Are the other members coming?
- You'll be meeting them all very soon.

Just as soon as we've added
your block to the quilt.

It's so good to belong.

BOTH: It's good to belong.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(SCREAMS)

COURAGE: No!

(BABBLING)

(BABBLING CONTINUES)

(WHIMPERS)

Forget it, mutt!
She doesn't want you anymore.

In another minute,
she won't remember you or anything.

And there'll be nothing
to ever remind her again.

(LAUGHING)

-(GASPS)
- MURIEL: Courage!

- Help!
-(BOTH LAUGHING)

(GRUNTING)

(SCREAMS)

BOTH: (CHANTING)
Be, believe, belong.

Be, believe, belong.

Leave the circle never.
Weave the quilt forever.

(QUILT GROWLING)

ALL: (CHANTING) Be, believe, belong.

Be, believe, belong.

(BOTH SIGHING)

She won't be needing that anymore.

Let's throw it away!

(YELLING ANGRILY)

(GROWLING)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

-(COURAGE YELLS)
-(SCREAMING CONTINUES)

BOTH: No! No!

Eh?

Eustace?

Eustace!

(BOTH SCREAMING)

QUILT: (GROWLING) No!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(GASPS)

(GRUNTING)

COURAGE". Muriel, H! save you!

Courage!

QUILT: (GROWLING) No!

(BOTH SCREAMING)

QUILT: (GROWLING) No!

Oh, my, Courage!

- QUILT: (GROWLING) No!
-(BOTH SCREAMING)

(GASPS)

MURIEL: My very own quilt club!

Ladies, would you like some tea?

Muriel, I'm all out of tissues.

(WOMEN SCREAMING)

Oh, my!

(EUSTACE SNEEZING)

BOTH: No!

-(SNEEZES)
-(BLOWS NOSE)

BOTH: EW!

They've got everything
at this bazaar, Courage.

I know I'll find Eustace
the perfect anniversary gift.

(BLOWING)

(LAUGHS)

(BLOWING)

(EXCLAIMING)

(WHIMPERS)

Isn't this grand, Courage?

I'm so excited,

I can hardly feel that wood tick
stuck on my toe.

Ooh, I take that back.

If you wouldn't mind, Courage...

'(CHOM PS)
"(LAUG HS)

(GASPS)

(CHOMPS)

(GROANS)

Thank you, Courage.
That feels much better.

I can walk just fine now.

That'll look just perfect on her.

Man's gotta take good care of his truck.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Oh, Eustace, l found
the perfect anniversary gift.

Uh, me, too.

Uh, I got you...

- A hat!
-(METAL CLANGING)

- It suits you.
-(SHIRLEY WHISTLES)

Look, Eustace.

Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh.

What are you making
them weird sounds for?

She sighs because she burns
to possess the beautiful amulet.

Mmm-hmm.

You may have the precious treasure
for a mere $5.

$5 for that? You're crazy!

$5.

Okay, uh...

- I'll give you the dog.
-(GASPS)

Stupid dog! Get back here!

(LAUGHS)

(SCREAMS)

(YELLING)

Fine. Take this.

The deed to my oil well.

An oil well? Yes.

That is a price worthy of so fine a gift.

Oh, thank you, thank you,
thank you, Eustace.

(STRAINING)

-(WHINES)
- What?

This is not oil well!

This is Oil bill!

I have been swindled!

(CHANTING)
Swindling man and swindling wife,

bear this curse upon your life.

Instead of swindling for your lover,

you shall swindle one another!

(GASPS)

(PANTING)

(ENGINE STARTING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(MUFFLED BABBLING)

Oh, Eustace, I'm all in a tizzy
about the new necklace.

(COURAGE WHIMPERING)

I really gotta get
that exhaust pipe fixed.

(COURAGE WHIMPERS)

(BOTH CHOMPING)

Look how it sparkles.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's for dessert?

Your favorite. Creme brulee!

(SALIVATING) Ooh!

Huh?

Come and get it.

(GRUMBLING)

What?

(LAUGHING)

EUSTACE: Hey!

You swindled me out of my dessert!

(LAUGHING)

I'll play you for your piece,
double or nothing.

I already ate mine.

Loser!

(EXCLAIMS)

Why don't you wash that dessert down
with some tea?

There's a fine idea.
(SLURPS)

You do look thirsty.

Have some more.

(SLURPS)

(MURIEL SLURPS)

Gotta get you some more tea.

Oh, my! All that tea.

Nature's calling.

(CHAIR BANGING)

Huh?

(LAUGHING)

Ooh!

Can't get through without a token.

But I've got to go!

Three bucks!

Loads me up with tea! Then makes me pay!

There!

And your rocking chair!

What?

(LAUGHING)

MURIEL: Every time a winner!
Who is next?

Come on! Come on! Come on!
Come on! Come on!

Step up! Step up! Step up!

Who's next?

Come on. Come on. Come on.

The dog puts up a peanut.

Lady luck rules.

Come on. Come on. Come on.

Dog goes home with six peanuts!

Stupid dog!

(GRUNTS)

Playing for peanuts!

Man puts up a telly!

Lady luck rules!

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

(LAUGHS)

Oh!

Man goes home without a telly.

-(GRUNTS)
-(HUMMING)

Hey, wait...

- The cops! b*at it!
- Argh!

What?

(EXCLAIMS)

(EUSTACE BLEATING)

Gonna be rain.
(BLEATING)

Heel it in my wool.

40 days, 40 nights. Lots of rain!
(BLEATING)

Oh, my!

Better use your refrigerator
like a big boat.

Save yourself.

And two of every kind of
fancy kitchenware you got.

So, get that fridge out front now.

Heed the sheep! (BLEATING)

(LAUGHS)

(GASPS)

wens)

-(LAUGHING)
-(WATER DRIPPING)

(BABBLING)

EUSTACE: You might need an umbrella.

Oh!

(LAUGHING)

Where's the rain? Where's my stuff?
Where's my fridge?

(GROANS)

MURIEL: (CHANTING) Well,
Nowhere needs a band with a capital B,

and that rhymes with T
that shares an alphabet with P,

and that stands for
"Please, join up and pay me!"

-(XYLOPHONE PLAYING)
- You're making me deaf!

(DRUM BANGING)

Come on, join up! Don't just sit there!

And whatever you do,
don't throw your chair!

Argh!

-(DRUM BANGING)
-(XYLOPHONE PLAYING)

(GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

Or your grandfather clock!

-(COURAGE GROANS)
-(CLOCK CHIMING)

- MURIEL: Or your floors!
-(COURAGE SCREAMS)

(GRUNTS)

Or your...

(CYMBAL CRASHING)

Those two swindlers get what they deserve.

(LAUGHING)

Let's see how those teenagers
who don't share food are doing.

They give me rotten bananas.

So I give them rotten bananas!

Swindling begets only swindling,
just as selfishness begets banana heads.

(LAUGHING)

(BABBLING)

Giving back what your friends have
swindled would not undo the curse.

They must suffer.
(LAUGHING)

It is too bad.

But what is this?

That is so sweet.

He brings her comfort.

He cares about the suffering of another.

Eh, I undo their curse.

Aw.

Hmm.

- What do you got left?
- What do you got?

- I asked you first.
- Cheeky, aren't you?

(BABBLING)

-(CHOMPING)
- EUSTACE: What?

How'd she keep that from me?

- Hey, look over there!
-(MICROSCOPE SMASHING)

Oh, moving is always a hassle.

But it does have more space.

"(LAUG HS)
'(CHOM PS)

Oh, my! I feel so much better!

-(LAUGHING)
-(TICK CHOMPING)

(EXCLAIMING)

(BABBLING)

The stupid one has taken on
the pain of his wife.

He has learned to give relief
and share pain.

Uh, I take away curse.

-(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
-(WINDMILL SQUEAKING)

-(CHAIR SQUEAKING)
- You see, Courage,

when you go around swindling people,
sooner or later you get swindled yourself.

That's why honesty is always best.
Isn't that right, Eustace?

So, if I win you get packing.
If you win, you can move to my earlobe.

Five aces! What do you say to that, tick?

Six aces! I'm moving up!

(LAUGHING)

x (THEME sous) x

EUSTACE'. Stupid dog!