01x23 - When OMAC att*cks!

[bunniefuu]

Hawk, Dove, I'm trusting you two to disarm the ground troops while I take out those remaining warships.

Why do you get the warships? Hank, please, let's just do what Batman says.


-Stuff it, Don.


-Enough.

We've got to get both sides to the bargaining table to end this conflict.

And that means no fighting between you two either.

BATMAN: Those two make me glad I'm an only child.

HAWK: We ought to just let all these dummies wipe each other out.

It’s called diplomacy, you dunderhead the only sane way to end a conflict.

Grow some guts, softie.

If you don't hit them hard, they'll never quit.

[ALL GRUNTING]

Oh, yeah? Bet I can stop more than you.

Ha! That'll be the day.

You're on.

[DOVE GRUNTING]

[GRUNTS]

I'm secure on my end.

What's your situation with the ground troops? DOVE [OVER RADIO]

: Might makes right.

HAWK: You're a peace
-loving wimp.

DOVE: World would be a better place
-
- HAWK: Stop being such a baby.

Life's not that simple.

BATMAN: I definitely should have called the Green Lanterns instead.

Gentlemen, I think you'll both find this peace treaty to be fair and impartial.

[HAWK SCOFFS]

You just can't stand to see aggression settled by peaceful means can you, philistine? Hey, I got your ''philistine'' right here, hippie.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Uh, gentlemen, let's adjourn to my ship for a refreshing beverage and a toast to peace.

HAWK: Hey, just quit.

Quit pushing.

MAN 1 : When the GPA requested your help, Batman it was with the expectation that you would get the job done.

We are very disappointed.

I uncovered Kafka's location.


-Detective work takes time.


-No excuses! None offered.

I wouldn't want the Global Peace Agency mad at me.

MAN 2: Look at this mess.

Send in Janitorial Operative Blank.

Kafka's mission is to disrupt the balance of world power.

If he is allowed to develop this rumored ''organic transient metal'' he would succeed.

It’s imperative we stop him.

And because evidentially you are incapable, we've assigned you a partner.

Operative Blank, mop this up immediately.

Uh, yes, sir.

Right away.

Golly.

Batman! Buddy Blank.

Big, big, fan, I
-
- Oh.

Uh, I'm so stupid.

Please, Batman, sir.

Let
-
- Let me clean that for you.

I
-
- It’s fine.


-Really.

Please.


-Golly.

I joined the GPA so I could be just like you.

Fighting for world peace.

You know, use a little of my Blank
-fu on evildoers.

[GRUNTING]

Whoa! Blank, out.

Out, out, out! You said something about a partner? MAN 2: That was your partner.


-The janitor? MAN 2: Buddy Blank is the GPA's most valuable operative in the fight for world peace.

That is, with a little help from Brother Eye.

[SCREAMS]

[BUDDY GROANS]

[GROANING]

MAN 1 : Allow us to introduce the perfect w*apon.

OMAC, the One
-Man Army Corps.

Enhanced strength, reflexes and an endless array of instant upgrades available via Brother Eye.

MAN 2: The transformation leaves him with no memory of Buddy Blank.

Let's bust some heads for peace.

[HAND CRACKS]

I've got something in my utility belt that should do the job.

Don't bother.

Brother Eye, I need a little more juice in my jump.

BROTHER EYE: As you wish, OMAC.

Yes! Hit me! Remote molecular rearrangement via satellite.

Got that in your utility belt, bub? [GRUNTS]

[GUARDS GRUNT]

[GRUNTS]

You know, not everything requires excessive force.

Hit hard or not at all, I always say.

Words to live by.

[LOUD THUD]

[GUARDS YELL]

Secure the perimeter.

Kafka's mine.

OMAC.

As usual, the paragon of subtlety.

How much collateral damage did you and the GPA cause this time? Don't kid yourself.

We preserve peace.

It’s you and that gray goop that'll hurt innocent people if I let you.

This ''goop'' will level the playing field between your peace agency and my country.

[YELLS]

[GRUNTS]

EQUINOX: Batman.

You don't belong here, Batman.

Leave now so that my pawns may finish the game I've set in motion.

Equinox? You're working for Kafka? Think bigger, Batman.

I answer to a higher order concerned only with maintaining balance in the world.

Then excuse me if I tip the scales in favor of the good guys.

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTING]

Like a pit bull off the leash, you att*ck without thought ready to leap at your master's command.

Brother Eye? Bring the rain! You should have given peace a chance.

BATMAN: OMAC, no! [SCREAMS]

[BOTH GRUNT]

We were supposed to take him alive.

What can I say, bub? Peace hurts.

I doubt Buddy would agree.

Who's Buddy? [KAFKA GROANING]

Its Kafka.

[ROARS]

Kafka is gone.

There is only Shrapnel.

[GROWLS]

[GROANS]

[GROWLS]

[GRUNTS]

Buddy? [GASPS]

Golly.

Batman? [BUDDY GRUNTS]

Just run.

OMAC, I'm coming for you.

MAN 1 : You failed to capture Kafka.

MAN 2: And now he's become an even greater menace.

Your ''perfect w*apon'' malfunctioned and I have a hunch Equinox was behind it.

MAN 1 : Who? Our intelligence has no record of an ''Equinox.

'' The satellite link to OMAC was simply disrupted.

Buddy is an innocent man and you put him in jeopardy.

He doesn't even know what he is.

MAN 1 : What he is, is simply a mannequin we can dress as OMAC.

No, he's a person.

And if OMAC had some of his heart he'd be a soldier instead of just a w*apon.

Pfft.

Shrapnel.

Boy, I'd like another sh*t at him.

You can't surprise Buddy Blank twice, no you
-
- BATMAN: You okay, Buddy?
-Aah! Hey, Batman.

Kind of embarrassed myself out there.

Guess I'm never gonna be much more than a nobody janitor, huh? Deep inside you, there's a tough guy ready to break out.

Literally.

[expl*si*n IN DISTANCE]

Shrapnel.

You'll have to excuse me, Buddy.

Who's Buddy? [ALL SCREAMING]

He's still sh**ting pieces of his body.

And he's not running out of a*mo or losing body mass.

How? Let the doctors figure it out after I put that scrap heap in the hospital.

This time, it might not hurt to try a softer touch.

You're right.

A softer touch wouldn't hurt which is why I'm going in swinging, hard.

[GRUNTING]

[OMAC YELLING]

[SHRAPNEL GRUNTS]

EQUINOX: Batman.

I warned you not to interfere.


-What's your stake in this, Equinox?
-What's yours? I'm bringing a w*r criminal to justice.

EQUINOX: The scales of justice balancing right and wrong it seems our goals are really quite similar.

We are nothing alike.

[BAT SQUEAKS]

EQUINOX: They say the flapping wings of a single butterfly can stir a wind on the other side of the world.

Ever wonder what impact your little bat wings have on this world? [GRUNTS]

You got a lot to fight in you for a mutant scientist but I never quit.

I'm pure warrior, down to my bones.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Brainless fool! You didn't just create Shrapnel you brought this entire w*r upon yourself.

The Global Peace Agency came to my country to stop a w*r but destroyed an innocent village in the process.

Crops, farmland, all gone.

The farmers survived to try to rebuild but I survived to get revenge! [OMAC GRUNTS]

EQUINOX: Look at their clumsy dance of devastation, Batman.

I couldn't have choreographed it better myself.

[BATMAN GRUNTS]

EQUINOX: Actually, I did choreograph it.

You're a madman, Equinox.

EQUINOX: My only desire is to keep everything stabilized.

You call this stability? EQUINOX: Not yet, but soon.

When the loss of one village is offset by the destruction of another.

[RUMBLING]

[OMAC GRUNTS]

[SHRAPNEL GRUNTS]

[GROANS]

[GRUNTS]

[ALARMS BEEPING]

COMPUTER: Danger.

Meltdown imminent.

Danger.

Oh, nerts! [CROWD SHOUTING]

BATMAN: Meltdown.

If it can't be stopped the radiation from it will poison a whole city and Equinox's plan will succeed.

[ALARM BEEPING]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

You're gonna take the whole place down and destroy us both.

Correction: It will destroy you but I will become stronger than ever.

[BOTH GRUNT]

It ain't my style but something tells me it's time to quit fighting back.

Brother Eye.

All power to shield defense.

[SHRAPNEL GRUNTS]

''Try a softer touch,'' he says.

[GRUNTS]

[GROANS]

Thanks, bro.

BROTHER EYE: Are you certain this is the correct course of action? OMAC: Fighting Shrapnel only makes him stronger.

Just keep those shields up, brother.

[ALARM BEEPING]

COMPUTER: Meltdown imminent.

Evacuate.

Evacuate.

EQUINOX: It’s too late.

[GRUNTS]

Destroying one city doesn't make up for the destruction of another, Equinox.

EQUINOX: The universe requires equilibrium.

Without it, everything deteriorates into chaos.

[BATMAN GRUNTS]

You of all people should appreciate my efforts.

You maintain equal parts of dark and light.

It’s what makes you such a formidable opponent.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

[PANTING]

Now I ask you, why won't you give up? Didn't you notice? I have.

[GRUNTS]

What's the matter, tin man? Running out of gas? [GRUNTING]

What are you waiting for? Hit me.

All your strength comes from other people's energy.

Looks like Batman's ''softer touch'' worked after all.

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTS]

Ha.

BROTHER EYE: Power level: zero.

Nothing but a scrawny
-
- Twerp? Ah! Golly, how did I wind up here? [GASPS]

Batman! It’s time for Buddy Blank to finally be somebody.

COMPUTER: Maximum overload imminent.

Evacuate the premises immediately.

Evacuate the premises immediately.

I'm not going to let you stop this meltdown.

That might not be entirely your choice.

Don't be a fool.

The radiation will destroy you.

[BUDDY GRUNTS]

This time, Buddy Blank is not wussing out.

Unh! [GRUNTING]

[GROANING]

[GRUNTING]

COMPUTER: Meltdown averted.

[GROANS]

[PANTING]

EQUINOX: No.

Not this way.

Not now.

Looks like your flapping wings have stirred up a hurricane that even I didn't foresee.

[GROANS]

You can't control my fate, Equinox.

My life, mine to sacrifice.

EQUINOX: I beg to differ.

[GROANS]

BUDDY: Batman? [GROANS]

BUDDY: Let's get you out of here.

[BUDDY GRUNTS]

Golly, Batman, you did it! Are you okay, Buddy? I.

I feel amazing.

This nobody just took on a super
-villain.

Well, I bet that creep knows better than to mess with us again.

If only that were true, Buddy.

I'm afraid we haven't seen the worst of Equinox.