02x13 - Fa-La-La-La-Ed/Cry Ed

[bunniefuu]

[Laughing]

We're not allowed
to play up here, fellas!

I repeat, upstairs
is off-limits!

[Glass breaking]

This is not good.

You're trespassing in
my parents' bedroom!

Please leave now or I'll
have to call an attorney!

Edward!

Must your father
and I remind you

To finish your homework?

That is right, son.

A mind is a terrible
organ to shovel.

Have you gone mad?

My blood sugar seems a tad low.

[Snickering]

Eddy, you're contaminating
mother's linen

With millions of
dead skin cells!

If you two only knew

The regimen of
cleaning procedures

That you've set into place...

Woo-hoo! Jeez!

Stop this crazy thing!

[Laughing hysterically]

Look what I found!

Sticky notes!

You put those back!

You're in trouble, ed!

I'm a bad boy!

Ha ha ha! Sticky note!

Downstairs immediately!

Blechh! Oh.

Your spelling's atrocious, ed.

Eddy: stroke!

Stroke!

Eddy! You're
scratching the floor!

Stroke! And... Ed: my turn!

Ha ha!

Boing!

Smack!

Whoosh!

Pant! Pant! Pant! Pant!

Ha ha! Ooh!

Where'd he go? Where'd he go?

Look what I found!

No! Not that!

Bubble wrap!

Ed!

Whoa!

Ouch!

What was that?

It's a hunk of baloney, ed.

What are you?

Baloney? Please.

It's the ancestral fruitcake!

Looks like you
got competition, ed.

For decades, we parade
the cake every christmas!

[Rewinding sounds]

For decades, we parade
the cake every christmas!

[Rewinding sounds]

Every christmas!

Christmas, eddy!

I want a flying saucer,
pen and pencil set,

Egg rolls, a subscription
chunky puff quarterly,

A box of band-aids,
a big book, and, um...

Get over it, ed. It's july!

Anyways, christmas stinks.

All I ever get is clothes.

That's 'cause santa knows

You're a naughty
little boy, eddy.

Santa don't know squat!

Don't ever say that, eddy!

Santa is making his list
and checking it twice.

[Bells ringing]

Santa!

Yeow!

Ha ha ha!

You're scaring me, ed.

Hmm. Huh? Hey!

You there!

Yes, you with the piggy banks.

Where you guys going?

Don't bother, eddy.

I forget where we're going.

We're going to a party, silly.

It's piggy bank day!

Gee, willikers,
eddy. You know...

The day where everyone
cracks open their piggy banks

And spends all their money.

Why don't you tell him
your shoe size, jimmy?

Why?

Of course. It's piggy bank day!

What I call a holiday!

Edd: ow.

Piggy banks,
money, and spending.

'Tis the season, double d.

Ed: do you see what I see?

Where'd you get
that mistletoe in july?

There's no kissing allowed

In my parents' room, ed.

You take care of ed, double d.

I've got another nut to cr*ck...

Or should I say, "piggy bank"?

Ed, please!

Someone may be watching.

[All talking at once]

Snort! Snort! Snort!

"Oink oink" to you, too.

Oink. Yeah, whatever.

Oh, the agony and the ecstasy.

Hit it, jimmy. Smash
it into tiny pieces!

The guilt's too great for
one person to bear, sarah.

Well, then let's do it together.

Ok. Upsy-daisy!

Greetings, fellow grunters.

Tired of the clean-up

When all your
piggy-smashing's done?

Check it out, guys.

It's dork... And beans!

Ha ha ha!

Beans?

An edible seed?

Our piggy bank bellypumper

Will extract your cash

Without you having to smash.

Really?

Sarah, I can cancel my therapy!

Ed: not yet,

For it is christmas,
and I bear stuff.

Oh, yeah.

Who wants a jumbo candy cane?

It's july, bonehead.

And a partridge in a pear...

What can I tell you?

Now, who wants their
piggy bank belly pumped?

Um, I'm not sure.

First customer gets a discount.

Oh, this is going to be good.

Don't blink.

Shazam!

Cool!

Now, hang on to your snout,

'Cause after this
patented suction cycle,

Your hard-earned christmas
stocking will come out here.

Stocking ready
for stuffing, santa!

Ed!

b*at it or I'll sock!

But, eddy, I am an elf.

Edd: oh... Curse my gullibility.

For shame!

Santa, spare him!

[Crowd gasps]

Hello!

[Crowd whispering]

Naughty boy, double d.

My piggy!

Oh, I'm so ashamed!

There, there. Santa forgives.

[Crying loudly]

Oh, how could you, double d?

It's his hat. It's too tight!

Cuts off the
circulation, you know.

Santa sees all.

A lump of coal for naughty eddy.

Alley-oop!

Here's your piggy back bank.

Um, back, jimmy.

Merry christmas!

Piggy's belly's full, sarah.

It's better to give...

Than to receive, ed.

That's why I'm giving
eddy a knuckle sandwich.

Kevin!

Eddy: ow!

I must feast my eyes on
the sow of christmas past!

It's not christmas, rolf.

It's july!

Not since rolf's youth

Has the foul odor
of the christmas sow

Taunted rolf's nostrils.

[Squealing]

That's the spirit, wilfred.

The scrolls proclaim,

Every time a pig squeals,
an angel gets its...

I'm a pig, too, wilfred.

See my snout?

Aah! Uncle! Uncle!

Christmas stinks.

Rolf: come!

Gather round rolf,

As I cannot contain
the christmas mirth

Crawling up my back hair!

Merry christmas, jonny wood-boy.

For me?

You feeling all right, rolf?

Rolf: merry christmas, kevin.

Presents?

Jimmy!

Just what I've always wanted!

Uh, gee. Thanks, rolf.

Merry christmas, rolf!

Ooh! It's not christmas!

Who's up for eggnog?

Oh, me! I'm up! Ha ha ha!

Wait for me!

Chestnuts! I must
have chestnuts!

Double d?

Merry christmas.

Jimmy, why, um,
thank you, but...

I couldn't.

But it's christmas.

Eddy: wait! I'll take it!

Merry christmas, jimmy!

Hit the road, scrooge!

I don't get it.

Don't you see, eddy?

The spirit of christmas
isn't in getting presents.

It's about giving joy, good
will, and peace on earth.

I got it!

So what are we
waiting for, double d?

I know how to get the
gift that keeps on giving!

Sounds like mother's
brussels sprouts.

[Bells ringing]

Do you hear it, kevin?

Flaky! Ha ha ha!

Ho ho ho!

Get off the roof, you...

♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪

♪ Give me joy all day! ♪

Ha ha ha!

♪ We made you laugh,
so give up your cash ♪

♪ The cheer will
come your way! ♪

[Clink clink]

Bingo!

♪ Deck the halls
with boughs of holly ♪

♪ Fa la la la la la la la la ♪

♪ Give us cash or we'll
never stop singing ♪

♪ Fa la la la la la la la la ♪

♪ We wish you a merry christmas,
we wish you a merry christmas ♪

♪ We wish you a merry
christmas, so give us some cash ♪

No cash.

A fine strip of bacon, yes?

Am I a good elf, double d?

Santa would be proud, ed.

You did a wonderful
thing by bringing

The spirit of christmas
to the cul-de-sac.

That is 'cause I'm
an elf, double d.

I'm back!

Surprise!

Woo hoo!

What'd I get? What'd I get?

I love christmas!

Eddy! Jawbreakers?

A yuletide haul, double d.

It's absolutely magnificent!

Oh, eddy. You shouldn't have!

Had to cash in

That jar of christmas
cheer, you know.

Ed, that's jawbreaker!

Relax, double d.

There's plenty
more where that...

Where'd they go?

And what would you like
for christmas, young man?

A jawbreaker. There you go!

Yummy!

Ed!

Jawbreaker is good, yes?

Eddy: he gave away
all my jawbreakers!

Eddy, wait!

You're wearing out
the soles of my shoes!

Ho ho ho!

And one for the elf!

I gave jawbreakers to
all, so to all, a good night!

Woo hoo!

Give it all you got, eddy!

Not since mama got
the new shoehorn

Have I seen such bravery!

What's happening, guys?

Hotshot eddy once again
interrupts our personal drudgery.

Eddy: don't try
this at home, kids!

Radical!

Oh, come on, eddy! My turn!

For heaven's sake!

I think I've lost about
pounds this season.

What's up, nazz?

Keep your eyes peeled.

Aaahh!

Forget that show-off, jimmy!

But eddy might crash!

Woo! Yeah!

He made it!

Wait! He's losing control!

I wish!

Yawn.

Whoa!

Murphy's law, do your stuff!

Ouch! My foot!
It's broken! Owie!

Jimmy?

That clothes peg went
right for him, plank!

You ok, jimmy?

Did someone get the
number of that launder aid?

Poor jimmy.

Eddy: woo ho ho hooo!

Ta-da!

Plank says clothes
pegs are known to att*ck

At the blink of an eye!

What's with that?

I had them eating out
of the palm of my hands!

Jimmy's mishap with a rogue
clothes peg took precedence, eddy.

It's hard to compete
with misfortune.

Fools!

As it is my turn to
ride the cluck ball,

Look up my nose
and see your future.

As I was saying,

Humans are naturally attracted

To the blunders, bruises, and
over-the-top cartoon antics of others,

Sympathetic or otherwise.

[Crash]

Ha ha ha!

Oh, dear! Ed, are you all right?

Hmm.

Sympathetic or otherwise, huh?

Here, jimmy.

Drink some water.

Is there anything
we can do for you?

Let rolf nurture you
with a bowl of nano's

Prechewed -course dinner!

My tummy, sarah!

Pitiless is the tempest sea.

Aah!

Rolf: emergency!

We must implement
the boat procedures.

[Ed imitates siren]

Oh, the pain!

As soon as you see the kids,

Slow to a stop, ed.

Double d, it's oscar time.

I've abandoned all confidence,
morals, and integrity, eddy!

An actor I shall be.

Someone's in trouble.

Hmm?

Whoa! It's coming from the lane!

You're right,
kevin! Come, jonny.

Rolf? Jonny?

Nazz!

What about poor jimmy?

[Imitating siren]

Ed, back up, you idiot!

Oh, the soreness of the ache!

Be brave, eddy. All is well!

Chin up, fine fellow!

Are you all right, eddy?

The patient has suffered a
penelope to his headasaurus area,

As well as a major
gush from the...

His goliath upper
tube veiny thing.

Boy, eddy. You're a mess!

Oh, is that you, jonny?

It was horrible. It
came out of nowhere.

[Cough couch]

Did I say it was horrible?

Horrible it was.

A giant swedish meatball

With a bloodcurdling scream

Grabbed eddy in its
drooling ground chuck.

Please.

Rolf has seen this meatball.

It st*lks wilfred
in the dead of night.

All: ooh!

You stay put here, jimmy.

I'll get some kids to help
me carry you to your room.

And don't forget to drink.

You need to keep your fluids up.

You forgot the straw, sarah.

An acorn.

Hello, mr. Squirrel.
You're cute.

You're so brave, eddy.

Is there anything
we can do for you?

The fact that I'm surrounded
by all my friends is all I need.

You're just a big faker!

Jimmy's the one
who is really hurt!

Come closer, my child.

You tell jimmy he's
out of his league.

Jimmy: sarah!

Owie!

Not again!

It's jimmy!

Jimmy's in trouble!

Come on, guys!

Hey, wait!

Where you going?

Where's my attention?

I was att*cked by a meatball!

Eddy, jimmy's a natural
at garnering attention.

He's a hack!

This is grade-a damage here.

What's his secret?

Well, for one thing,

Jimmy's lament of
anguish is real, eddy.

Is that all?

Let's do it then, double d.

Give me your best sh*t.

What are you talking about?

Right here, as hard as you can.

Don't hold back.

I'm not hitting you.

What are you... A chicken?

Oh, peer pressure.

Just reduce yourself
to a neanderthal, eddy.

You're a big, fat chicken!

Don't you touch me.

Ha ha ha! Chicken! Stop it!

Chicken. I'm not a chicken!

Here, eddy.

Lots of hurt, hold the onions.

Ok, fine. I'm a chicken!

Um, ed...

Eddy?

Can you hear me, eddy?

Oh! Ed!

What in heaven's name
were you thinking?

Absolutely nothing, double d.

Eddy: ok. I'm hurt now.

Nice work, ed.

This will bring the
kids running back...

Anytime now.

This isn't how you crave

For attention, eddy.

This irrational competition

In seeking everyone's
recognition

Stops right here, right now!

We need a bigger house, ed.

I'm on it, eddy!

Ok, wait!

Help me find an
alternate solution, ed.

I don't know what one
looks like, double d.

If you help me, ed,

I'll give you an entire
surface of pudding skin!

Pudding skin!

Eddy: ed? Double d?

Fine! Who needs you? I
can get my own sympathy.

Ha!

Hmm.

Move over, jimmy. Pathetic
eddy's coming to town!

He was such a
cute squirrel, too.

I know. I know.

There. You look better already.

Eddy: help!

Help me!

Eddy's going to crash!

Let's go see, jimmy.

Wait for me, sarah.

Huh?

Meatball!

Aah! Mother nature's
attacking again!

We're here to help, jimmy.

For yours and eddy's sake,

Safety is my prime concern!

Woo ho ho hoo!

Runaway frying pan!

Ahh! My audience.

I'm in trouble, folks!

[Crash]

Eddy?

Help me.

Oh, the pain.

I'm in need... Of attention.

Poor eddy. Are you ok?

Is that it?

You should see jimmy!

Jimmy: bouncy, bouncy, bouncy!

Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy!

Whee!

That's so cool!

Hey!

What did you do to jimmy?

[Jimmy giggling]

Look at me! Yay!

I'll catch you, jimmy!

I'm ok, sarah. Double
d made me safe!

Boot!

Oh, this is awesome!

My turn!

Hey! Wait for me!

Now where you going?

Jimmy's not even hurt!

My point exactly, eddy.

No more attention-grabbing

Through personal injuries

In my play-safe-
and-never-play-sorry bubble suit.

Hey, plank, look!

That should put an
end to your childish

Outdoing jimmy game.

Good luck!

You've just changed
the rules, double d.

The show must go on.

Drat!

Eddy: they'll come from
miles around to see eddy's.

Better-than-jimmy's-
play-safe suit.

One brain bucket.

Take me to the kids, ed.

Your wish is my lunch.

Ed?

Go, baby, go!

Whoa!

Here he comes!

Jimmy: whee!

Here I come!

Over to you, rolf!

Hi, kevin. You're so nimble.

It is mine, peasants!

Smooth move, rolf!

Whee!

Aah!

Hit the road, bubble
boy! What the...

Rolf's eyes fool
the brain of rolf.

What are you talking about, man?

Rolf's eyes fool
the brain of rolf.

Must I spell it?

We have guest.

[Boom]

It worked!

I'm safe! I'm better than jimmy!

Did you see that, plank?

Great crash, eddy!

Need any help, dude?

Jimmy: greetings, earthlings.

Huh?

Oh, you, too,
mr. Doggy. You're cute.

I'm safe!

[Dog barking]

No problem!

Not safe! Not safe!

Help me! Help!

I'm coming, jimmy!

Ha ha ha!

Wait up, guys!

Hello!

Where'd everybody go?

Well, what do you
know? Canned dork.

Allow me to introduce
you to my knuckles.

Ha ha ha!

Forget your glasses at home?

I'm invincible. You'll
hurt your hand.

Conserve your strength, kevin,

As you will need it for
the eggboy-crashing.

Rolf can see shoddy spot-welding

From a distance of goats.

Hey! Quit wasting
your time, rolfy-boy!

You're a freak, dude.

Behold!

Ha ha ha!

Pick a body part, rolf.

I am quite partial
to pig, kevin.

This is not good.

Eddy: ow! Ow! Ow! Oh!

This is great!

Go get the kids quick, double d.

"Do this, double d."
"Do that. Double d."

Bossy, bossy, bossy.