04x06 - School Girl Crushed/Chess Mom/Father Knows Least

[bunniefuu]

[Indistinct conversations]

[Electronic pulsing]

You got it sewn up
this year, Dex.

Yeah, mandark
ain't got
nothing on--

do not say that name.

What, mandark?

[Hisses]

You are
the coolest,
mandark.

Yeah, dorkster's
going to choke
this year for sure.

[Indistinct conversations]

[Feedback]

Ahem. Is this on? Yes.

Greetings, students and parents.

I'm proud to announce

the winner of
this year's science fair.

It was close this year,

but, alas, the coveted
first prize will go to one

and only one.

And this year, the winner is...

Soyen chen.

Thank you...

Wasn't this most unexpected?

I knew it
all along.

What?!
What?!

Mandark and Dexter:
"The unified theory

of world domination
and destruction"?

Soyen: It's just
a simple equation, really.

[Crowd gasps]

[Crowd gasps]

Yay!
Yay!

Yay!
Yay!

Woo!
Woo!

She's beyond technology.

Dealing only in numbers.

A much higher intelligence.

Who is she?
Who is she?

Our newest
student--
soyen chen.

Smart as
they come.

I expect
she'll be

our new
pride
and joy.

She must be destroyed.

I never thought I would
say this, mandark,

but I could not
agree with you more.

Dexter, we must put
our differences aside

and eliminate
this new thr*at.

You mean, work together?

w*r makes
strange bedfellows.

Let's team up!
Let's team up!

Dexter, with our
combined intellect,

we'll be unstoppable.

Bring your
best w*apon

and meet me
in front of her
house tomorrow.

I can't wait to
see what you bring.

Dexter, silly voice:
"I can't wait to see
what you'll bring."

[Regular voice]
Mandark. Sheesh.

I wonder what
he'll bring tomorrow.

Oh, that's right--
he's a complete idiot.

Well, I suppose I'll
just have to handle
the whole job myself.

Mandark: Oh,
there you are, Dexter.

I was just
preparing to destroy
the new thr*at...

Without you.

Well, if you think
you can handle it.

I don't think it'll be
a problem, Dexter.

Whoa! You're letting
her get away!

I have never met
a bigger dork
than you, Dexter!

Bummer.

Typical mandark.

You create that beast,

but you can't even
operate it.

Do you know
how short you
look right now?

Thus making you the dumbest

kid in the school, again.

Did you guys know

that there was
a math test today?

I got an "a."

Team up!
Team up!

Ok, you will operate
the lateral movements

of the laser Cannon
on the satellite,

and I will operate...

The vertical.

Mandark, I thought
we were gonna...

Ha ha-ha!
Ha ha-ha ha-ha!

Ha ha-ha!

Soyen: I thought
you guys liked school.

I have reconfigured
my liquid squirt g*n

to withstand
biohazardous materials.

What did you come up
with, Dexter?

It is an extremely
powerful mutating agent.

You must not get any of it
on yourself, mandark.

You must be very careful.

[Sighs]

I think I can
handle it, Dexter.

[Sizzles]

[Sighs]

Uh, mandark,
did you spill

some of my mutating
agent on yourself?

Uh, yes, yes, I did.
I did it intentionally.

But as I suspected,
it had no effect.

It seems you have once
again ruined the plan.

Oh, really?

My mutating agent
has no effect, huh?

Well, it's a good thing
it does not work, mandark,

because if it did, I would
probably be turning

into a sickening
creature right now!

Hi, boys.

Need a hand?

I think you should let me
handle this one, mandark.

Nonsense, Dexter!

I just got
the double-x arm
attachment yesterday.

So you and your
pile of junk step aside!

Well, this pile
of junk would ruin
your bucket of bolts!

I'd like to test
that theory!

Maybe I will
test it, then!

Maybe you will,
maybe you won't!

Uh, yeah, well,
uh, uh, maybe!

[Yells]

So, you want to cheat, huh?

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Prepare for your
destruction, Dexter.

[Punches being thrown]

[Screaming]

Eject!

[Screams]

Eject!

Well, Dexter,

I think we must
admit defeat.

She has bested us with
her superior knowledge
of science.

[Muffled]
Yes, mandark.

Ah...i know.

Science?

I'm not even into
that stuff anymore.

What?

Not into science?
What else is there?

Oh...boys.

Aah!
Aah!

[Soyen blowing kisses]

Sorry, buddy,

but I got to make room
for the new guy.

Mom: Come on, Dexter.

You're going to be
late for the chess
competition.

I know how important
it is to you.

You don't want
to be late, do you?

What is it you think
you are doing, mom?

Well, I've been feeling
a little left out
of your life,

so your father suggested
that me taking you

to the chess
championships
from now on

would be a perfect way
for us to spend

some dexter/mom time
together.

Besides, your father got
playoff tickets.

Hee hee hee!

[Sighs]

Dexter!

I'll be right over there
if you need me!

[Sighs]

Hey, good-looking,
be back to pick you up later.

Hello, everyone.

[Feedback]

And welcome to this year's
junior state chess championship.

I'd like to thank you all
for coming.

Yeah, is this seat taken?

I'd like to remind everyone

that this is
a chess competition.

So please try and keep
the responses to the games

within the spirit of chess.

That's my Dexter
right over there!

He's the reigning champ,
you know.

Yeah!

Mediator: I'd like you all
to help me in welcoming
back

our reigning champion--
years running--Dexter.

Huh? Oh! Ha ha!

Thank you,
thank you.

Please, please.
No, no, no.

Hold your
applause
till the end.

Thank you
very much.

Mom: Dexter! Dexter!
Over here!

Hi, honey! Smile!

Is that your mom?

Uh, I have no mom.

Uh...for those of you

unfamiliar with the rules
of this competition,

each of these
junior chess finalists

will have to play against Dexter

for his seat and the trophy.

All right.

Ready. Begin.

[Clock ticking]

Let us play some chess.

Ha! Top that, cool guy.

Dexter: Checkmate!

How cool do you feel
now, huh?

Mom: Wa-hoo!

All right!
You won! Yeah!

Yes!

All right!

Who's your daddy?!

Obviously
not as cool as you.

Here it comes, everybody.

The wave!

[Thud]

[Mom clears throat]

[Mom clears throat loudly]

[Coughing]

Excuse me.
Something in my throat.

Ok, everyone.

Looks like we've reached
the final match.

Lights, please.

Oh! The final match!

I am so excited,
I can't stand it!

Uh, mediator,

can I have
minutes, please?

Ok, everyone,
let's take a short break

and we'll come back
with the final match.

You just
stay loose.
Mom.

Don't let them
intimidate you.
Mom!

Mom, you are not
listening to me.

Calm down.
What is it?

Well...

Although I appreciate

all the cheering
and rooting for me...

It's for glare.

Aah! Forget it!

You just do not understand
the spirit of chess.

Uh--

don't understand
the spirit of chess?

What's he talking about?

I'm practically made of spirit.

[European accent]
Now you ready for
embarrassing defeat?

Ha ha! I believe it
is you, sir,
who should be...

[Whistle blows]

Go...dexter!

Oh, sweet
Einstein's ghost!

He's so smart,
he's so smart,

he's gonna make
this party start!

Go...dexter!

Go, go...Dexter!

Oh, mom, please.

[Feedback]

[Inhales and exhales]

If I can take this opportunity

to talk to my son, Dexter.

[Shudders]

We are just so proud of you.

You have got
nothing to worry about,

so don't get nervous.

[Whispering]
But just in case...

I brought you
some clean undies!

No!

Ha ha!

[Laughter]

Uh, ma'am,

this is not
the spirit of chess.

I'm going to have to ask
you to leave the building.

[Laughter]

Dexter, please approach
the judge's table.

I told you I'd b*at
Dexter, dad. I told you.

Man, European
accent: Yes,

you really
deserved it, son,

unlike some people.

Let's go find
spot for your
trophy, son.

What happened?

I got disqualified,

and I didn't
get the trophy.

Oh, really?

But--but--

how did you get it?

Well, it
wasn't easy,

I'll tell you that.

Oh, mom...
You're the best.

Now, I'll be back
at : tonight
from my sister's,

and I really need
the chores to get done.

But I wrote you out a list,

so what happened last time
willnever

now, are you sure
you can handle this?

Huh? Oh! Oh, yeah!
Yeah, yeah!

Ok, good luck.

[Door closes]

Ha ha!

A talking squirrel!

You can't make
that stuff up.

[Chuckles]

Dad, where is breakfast?

Oh, right, the list.

Uh, " --make breakfast.

--pack lunches." Hmm...

Ooh! Oh. What is--

i--i don't understand how you...

I mean, the angles.
There's not--ooh!

See, I could juggle those,
but I wouldn't...

Make any...What?

Is that some kind of alien--ooh!

My! Look at those!

Those you could--

eat with, I suppose,
if you want,

but that is not--i'm
not going near that thing.

I don't know what it is.

Uh...how about I
just give you guys
a little food money?

Watch this.

Hmm...breakfast and lunch.

That's going to be,

like, hmm, oh...

$ . .

$ . ?! Back in my day,
you could get

a week of school
lunches for a nickel
and get back change.

Ha ha!
Thanks, dad!

I need .

There
you go.

Thanks!

Bye, daddy!

Ahem. You know, dad,

now that I think
about it, I
should also get--

just leave, Dexter.

Yes, father.

Done and done!

And she said
this would be hard.

All right.
What's next on the list?

"Do dishes."

No problemo.

Now all I need is
a pair of rubber gloves.

Ooh!

The forbidden extra set
of kitchen gloves. Do I dare?

Hmm. These feel great!

I could totally see
wearing these every day

for the rest of my life.

Now to the dishes.

Whoa! That's a lot of dishes.

Luckily, we have a dishwasher.

[Humming]

♪ Come along, little dishy,
come along ♪

♪ come along, little ♪

[Humming]

Why...won't this...
Darn thing...Close?!

Mm.

Yes!

What's next?

Laundry.

She has got to be kidding.

Easy!

I'll just throw in
Dee Dee's pink dresses,

and there's enough room
left in the washer

for Dexter's white lab coats.

Perfect!

Turn to hot.

And sha-bang!

Mm! Sweet.

Now what do we got?

Dusting?

Sheesh! So easy.

[Man speaking Spanish on TV]

No! No! No!

Stay away from
the delivery man, Maria.

You're a married woman.

[Doorbell rings]

Yes, may I help--you?

Yes, is the lady
of the house in?

Oh, no.
Not on my watch.

Excuse me?

[Knock knock]

Who is it?

Milkman.

The lady of the house
is out! Sheesh!

What else we got?

[Doorbell rings]

Mailman.

Go away!

♪ Baby, mm ♪

♪ oh, baby, baby, uh-uh-uh ♪

♪ oh, baby, ooh ♪

♪ mm, baby, no, no, baby ♪

♪ yeah, yeah, baby ♪

♪ oh, baby, oh, baby ♪

♪ baby! ♪

[Vacuum turns off]

If she thinks I'm vacuuming
all of this, she is crazy.

[Vacuum restarts]

♪ Baby, oh, baby, yeah ♪

♪ baby ♪

Now to get the dishes.

Hmm. I don't remember
the kitchen being so...

Lemony fresh.

At least the laundry
should be ok. What the--

I don't remember
Dexter's lab coats being pink.

Oh, well,
maybe he'll never notice.

Ooh! Time to make dinner.

Ah...beautiful.

[Smacks lips]

Well, it sort of
looks like the picture.

Well, dig in.

Uh, no, thanks.

Uh-uh.

At least you guys got
breakfast and lunch.

Actually, dad,
a bully took
my bucks.

I said, sorry, Dexter,
but this hat cost me $ .

But I'd be more worried

about the kitchen
and the living room.

I find it's best not
to think about it.

And why is
my lab coat pink?!

That's what I
want to know, mister.

Oh, who am I kidding?

I screwed up everything!

[Sobbing]

There, there, dad.

Dad, I hate
to tell you, but...

Mom will be here
in minutes!

Your mother! I'm sure

we'll figure a way
out of this together.

Dad, I can't breathe.

Shh, shh.

This...house...

Is...

Spotless!

Hey, honey!

Oh! You are the best
husband ever.

And to think
I doubted you.

Well,
of course, dear.

Maybe next time

you'll think twice
before you--

woman: Ahem!

I still need to be paid.

[Laughing
nervously]

Here's your money.
Now get out.

[Door closes]

You paid
a Holly housekeeper
to clean the house?

Uh, uh,

yeah, dad.

How could you?

Uh, yeah,
what Dexter said.

Well, I, um...Uh...

See, I...

[Sighs]

Good night, folks.

Enter at your own peril,
past the vaulted door,

where impossible things

may happen

that the world's
never seen before.

♪ In Dexter's
laboratory... ♪

♪ Lives the smartest boy
you've ever seen ♪

♪ but Dee Dee ♪

♪ blows his experiments ♪

♪ to smithereens... ♪

♪ There is gloom and doom ♪

♪ while things go boom ♪

♪ in Dexter's lab ♪