05x12 - A Fistful of Ed

[bunniefuu]

[ Whistling ]
edd: brbrbrbrb, yeah!

All: greetings,
fellow cluckers!

Edd: the happy cluckers
club is now called to order.

[ Rooster crows
] [ heart beats ]

Edd: egg-ceptional
progress, jonny.

Jonny: right on!

We're gonna have
us a family, buddy!

Edd: and what
do we have here?

Ed: [ laughing
] I like... Y-you.

Edd: [ chuckling ]
sarah: my brother the idiot.

Edd: well, I thought
it was rather humorous, ed.

Jimmy: teacher's pet.

[ Doorbell rings ]
lee: [ laughs ]

Marie: oh,
look, a crowd.

Lee: must be
a good place to eat.

Who's up for some eggs?

Marie: I'll have
mine sunny side up.

May: over
easy, pretty please.

All: [ screaming ]
edd: oh, ladies, perhaps a.

Quiet perusal of this book
so you, too, can discover the

Wonders of egg
hatchery for yourselves.

Lee: sweet talking
won't get you everywhere.

Aaah!

Marie: hey, what's
your game, mister?

Lee: your klutzo boyfriend
clobbered my foot, that's what!

Edd: lee,
I do apologize.

It was an accident.

Marie: I bet.

Come on, may, let's get
lee to the school nurse.

Edd: [ chuckles nervously ]
shall we continue tending to our.

Eggs with a gentle
organic-cotton-bud massage?

Nazz: dude, did you hear,
what, like went down yesterday?

Kevin: no, what?

Nazz: you're not gonna
believe this, but double d made.

Lee kanker's foot swell
up like a beach ball.

Kevin: yeah, right.

What'd he use, the
deadly art of algebra?

[ Laughs ]
nazz: no, seriously.

I heard they had to use a whole
refrigerator of ice just to stop

Her big toe from ballooning.

Edd: [ humming ]
eddy: you sent a kanker.

Packing?

Ba ha!

What'd you use, the
deadly art of allergies?

Ed: do not
taunt the "d," eddy.

I was there.

Edd: oh, please.

It was an accident, honestly.

I feel just awful.

Rolf: heavens, oh, good
boy, rolf requires your assistance.

Might you have a
spare writing stick?

Rolf's has been reduced to
that of the size of a baby's bazoo.

Why, of
course I do, rolf.

[ Rattling ]
rolf: ah-hoo!

Rolf would have taken a
simple "no, not today," yes?

Nazz: dude, it's always
the quiet ones, I swear.

Sarah: did you
see the look in his eyes?

Jimmy: we didn't
see anything, sarah.

Edd: but i... I...
Jonny: head for the hills,

Buddy!

Double d's cracked!

Lost it, I tell you!

Eddy: double d, I
never knew you had it in you.

You're an animal.

Pow! Kablooey!

Ba-boom!

Oh, where you going?

Ed: double d has fallen down
the deep, dark cr*ck between the.

Couch pillows of life, eddy,
slipping through the fuzz of our

Belly button existence.

Foraging...

[ Silence ] eddy:
we're gonna rule this.

Dump, ed.

[ Bell rings ] rolf:
how can one who wears a.

Sock on his head do this?

I ask you.

Kevin: dude,
you should frame that.

[ Indistinct whispering ]
jimmy: [ whimpering ]

Eddy: give me that.

Edd: why
are you all leaving?

Eddy: yeah,
why you leaving?

Edd: didn't I say
that already, eddy?

Eddy: here,
let me help you.

Pretty good seat, huh?

Sarah:[ [ growling ]
who the heck do you think you.

Are?

Jimmy:
no, sarah, don't.

You can't.

He's watching.

Ed: just me.

Edd: why is ed
sitting way over there?

Eddy: way over
there... You are so right.

Ooh, rolf's got grapes.

Edd: um...

Marie: that's
my pie. I saw it first.

Jonny: no
way. We saw it first.

Marie: in your
dreams, weirdo.

Jonny: plank had first dibs
before you and your bad vibes.

Showed up.
Marie: give me it.

Jonny: no!
Marie: give me it!

Jonny: what are
you, hard of hearing?

Marie: let go, kid.

Jonny: it's plank's!

Marie:
ask me if I care.

Edd: [ clears throat ]
pardon my intrusion, but surely.

A compromise is not
out of the question.

Jonny: have
I stopped yet?

Eddy: who's next?

[ Humming "mexican hat
dance" ] kevin: oh, man.

Nazz: not cool.

Jimmy: viciousness,
thy name is double d.

Eddy: olã©!

Edd: please,
let me explain.

Eddy: yeah, let him.

Flee for your lives!

[ Screaming ]
edd: there's been a great.

Breach of judgment.

Eddy: yeah!

Breach the heck
out of them, double d.

Edd: things are
not as they appear.

Jimmy: what
do you want with me?

Take my money...

[ Coins clinking ] my comb...

My moisturizing lotions.

Take it! Take it!

Edd: sarah?

You certainly can't believe...

Ed: stay away!

Stay away from my
baby sister, you meanie.

Edd: ed, my dear
friend, how can you say that?

Ed: we are
friends no more!

My mom says I can't be chums
with a fighting fisticuffs like

You.

[ Sniffles ] [ gulps ]

[ Both sobbing ]
edd: this ends now!

Ed: aah!

Holy smolies!

Uncle! Uncle!

Aah!

Aaah!

Run away!

Edd: come
back here, you!

Kevin:
now's our chance.

Sarah: jimmy,
get out of there!

Eddy: yeah!

You better run, 'cause
double d's got all your.

Numbers... And your addresses.

Oh, yeah!

I'm pumped, baby!

Maybe a little rough on ed, huh?

He is our pal, you know.

Right.

You know best.

So, hey, I'm gonna go
make nazz rub my feet.

Edd: what
have I become?

Are these indeed the
hands of a lowly thug?

[ Crash ] ed?

Is that you?

Here, let me have your hand.

Jimmy: aah!

Leave me alone,
you gooney gorilla.

You punky palooka.

You rowdy rouser.

Aah!

[ Speaking indistinctly ]
edd: oh, what's the use?

No one will ever believe
I'm anything more than a

Rambunctious roughneck!

[ Sobbing ]
jimmy: double d!

[ Sobbing stops ] [
electricity buzzes ]

You've cross-pollinated a
rose with a baby-blue gym sock.

Jimmy: only hands as gentle
as hummingbirds' wings could.

Have spliced the two together.

I believe you, double d.

Edd: you do?

Oh, thank you, thank you, jimmy.

If only the others had listened
to my pleas of innocence.

Jimmy: sounds like you
need a shoulder to cry on, double d.

Be right with you.

[ Humming ] give me
the dirt, and don't

Spare me the details.

[ Humming ] edd:
oh, jimmy, I'm blurred,

Bewildered, befuddled at this...
This melee of misinterpretation.

First, with my book accidently
plunging on top of lee's foot...

A fortuitous mishap,
I assured them.

Yet I sensed the
seed of doubt here.

Then rolf.

Oh, dear friend rolf.

He was in need of a new
pencil, his worn, unusable.

I was only too happy
to provide him with one.

Why, of course I do, rolf.

Rolf: rolf would have
taken a simple "no, not today," yes?

Edd: another regrettable
blunder, as would be the next.

Marie: that's my pie.

I saw it first.
Jonny: no way.

We saw it first.

Edd: remembering mother
had packed my lunch with a slice of.

Her heavenly apple crumble
pie, I thought the best thing to

Compose this conflict
would be to share it.

To no avail!

Once again, my good intentions
were cowed by my gawkish

Demeanor.
Ed: stay away!

Edd: then came
the worst blow of all.

My dearest friend lost his
hope and trust because of my

Stumblings.

Enough was enough.

I could see it was up to me to
vindicate myself, so in order to

Do this, I needed to remove the
chair that separated our beloved

Friendship.

Ed: aah!

Aaah!

Uncle! Uncle!

Edd: can't they see?

How am I to blame?

It's so obvious.

Is it me?

But I'm a pacifist!

Jimmy: you've been marked
with a scarlet letter, double d.

All you need is someone to
strip it from you and validate that

Sweet and gentle you.

Follow me, silly.

Edd: wait, jimmy.

[ Cans rattle ]
kevin: weak.

Jimmy: you
think you're so tough?

I challenge you
to a battle royale.

Are you aware of the
marquis of queensberry rules?

Edd:
explicitly... I think.

I will make you consume
your foolhardy words.

We shall meet
at... At... Oh, dear.

Jimmy: the pit!

Edd:
the... Yes, the pit.

: P.m. Yes.

Kevin: no way!

Jimmy: end scene.

Kevin: double d and jimmy
are duking it out at the pit, man.

Pass it on.

Nazz: oh, no,
poor jimmy's a goner.

Ed: so, little double g,
seeing as my old pal double d is.

Now a nasty mcduster knuckles,
you are going to be my new.

Friend.

What would like to do today?

I, double g, am gentle, unlike
that evil double d you speak of.

Shall we talk about
fossils and dish soap?

[ Gasps ] double d
used to talk about dish

Soap all the time.

[ Sobbing ] [ rolf
and jonny panting ]

Eddy: move it, slow coaches,
or I'll make sure you're next in.

The pit.

Jonny: yes,
sir, mr. Eddy, sir.

Ed: whoa!

Eddy: out of the way.

Make room.

Best friend of the school
bruiser coming through.

So move, if you know
what's good for you.

Sarah: jimmy,
are you crazy?

He's gonna turn
you into cold cuts.

Jimmy: sometimes, a man's
got to do what a man's got to do,

Sarah.

Eddy: spare
the clichã©s, twerp.

Double d's gonna mop the floor
with that curly head of yours.

Edd: you still have time to
yield to your inevitable fate of.

Losing to me, jimmy.

Make haste before
I change my mind.

Ed: aah!

Rolf: jimmy
boy is done for.

Jimmy: I've got your knuckle
sandwich with a side of black.

Eye right here.

Sarah: poor jimmy.

Jonny: give him
the old one, two, jimmy.

Ed: this
isn't happening.

Eddy: that's my boy.

Stay on him, sockhead!

Jonny: run, jimmy! Run!

Kevin: quit prancing
around and pound him, jimmy.

Eddy: what's the matter,
jimmy, your curl going limp on.

You?

Jimmy: pardon?

Eddy: whoops!

Ah ha ha ha!

That mustard looks good on you.

It's yellow, get it?

Like you. Ha ha ha!

I got a million of them.

Crowd: [
chanting ] jimmy!

Jimmy: okay, ready?

Eddy: ah ha ha ha!

My bad.

Ah ha ha ha ha!

Jimmy: stop it!

How can I concentrate with you?

Nazz: hey,
that's not fair.

Uh, never mind.

Eddy: b*mb's away!

Jonny: I don't know where
he's getting all those hot dogs.

From, plank.

Eddy: oh,
look out, everybody.

Jimmy looks like
he's gonna blow up.

Oh, wait, he already did when we
turned him into a sumo wrestler.

Remember?

Ah ha ha ha!

Jimmy: I hope you're
wearing a cup, 'cause you're crã¨me.

Brã»lã©e, mister.

Eddy: yeah, right.

Edd: no, no, no.

Have you forgotten
our mission here?

Jimmy: let me go!

Kevin: double
dweeb's gonna pants him.

Edd: stop it right now.

Eddy: way
to go, sockhead!

[ Laughing ] sarah:
jimmy, are you okay?

Jimmy: aaaaaaah!

[ Cheering ] eddy:
do something, double d.

You're the tough guy.

Jimmy: what happened?

Rolf: hooray!

Now the heathen sock
tyrant has ceased!

[ Cheering ]
sarah: way to go, jimmy.

Together: [ chanting ]
jimmy, jimmy, he's our boy.

He'll send you to the
trash like a broken toy.

Kevin: nice jacket.

Dorks.

Eddy: what
the heck was that?

So much for being the
toughest kid in school.

All that respect.

All that reputation, that
sweet naugahyde jacket, gone!

You owe me a jacket.

Edd: I guess I'm not as
boorish a brute as you'd hoped.

For, eddy.

Eddy: bah!

Ed: double d?

Is it really you?

Edd: oh, ed.

Ed: double d!

Eddy: yeah, double d.

Together: eddy.

May: aw, we
missed their scrap, marie.

Marie: yeah, but we got
here just in time to kiss the loser.

Better.

Edd: a little late
for an entrance, isn't it?

Lee: double d...

You should see the
shiner you left on my foot.

Clumsy oafs are so cute.

May: they sure are.

Marie:
pucker up, sweetie.

Edd: no, please.

Eddy: hey!

He's had enough already!

b*at it!

Ed: good one, eddy.

Eddy: vultures.

Edd: goodness,
I'm touched, eddy.

You standing up to a
clichã© show ending for me.

Let me tell you, after the
kind of day I've had, a dose of

Camaraderie really...
Eddy: yeah, yeah.

Eat and shut up.

Ed: and
for your ed, eddy?

Edd: eddy, I thought
that was my hot dog.

Thank you, eddy.

Eddy: there,
is everybody happy?

Good.

Jeez.