01x03 - Kid Stuff

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

This better be worth it, Mother.

I mean it.

If the legends
are true, it will be.

You've been saying stuff
like that for, like, centuries.

Nothing ever changes.

Everything's changed...

except you, Mordred.

And that's because I
want you to still be young

when I give you your kingdom.

I wanna be king now!

MORDRED: What's this thing?

Another stupid charm?

It's the amulet of first magic.

The source of all
earthly sorcery.

Hm. Shiny.

Be ready, Mordred.

At last.

Mordred, give that to me.

Why should I?

Silly child, you're not...

Not what? Ready?

Or big enough? Or old enough?

None of that matters, Mother,

'cause now I'm strong enough.

Mordred!

[GASPS]

I'll have my kingdom

and without anyone
telling me what to do.

I never want to see you or
anyone older than me ever again.

No!

Complete your
English assignments

then read pages six to
40 in your math books.

And finish your history
reports by tomorrow.

[STUDENTS GROAN]

[RUMBLING]

[GASPS]

[ALL CHEER]

How many times do I
have to tell you, no snacks.

You won't wanna eat your...

[CHATTERS] [GASPS]

[SPRAY-PAINT CANS HISSING]

[CLEARS THROAT]

What...?

Pound their heads!

[GRUNTS]

Pound your own.

[GROWLING]

[g*n COCKS]

[SCREAMS]

[SIZZLES]

I won't go down easy.

Sure you will.

Guess that's a wrap.

Sorry. Been hanging
out with Flash too much.

Hey! What...?

[♪♪♪]

[SUCKING]

It was judgment day,

and... And we got
sent to the bad place.

The bad place!

Snap out of it, Copper.

GREEN LANTERN: Yeah, calm down.

We're probably just
in another dimension.

COPPERHEAD: Oh, is that all?

I don't see any children.

That's because a
child is responsible.

BATMAN: Morgaine Le Fey.

I mean you no harm.

My son, Mordred, has
wrought this treachery.

MORGAINE: Banishing all
adults to this shadow realm.

Even me, his own mother.

And after I spent
millennia feeding him,

bathing him, preparing
him to be king.

Where did I go wrong?

You're a sorceress. Can't
you just undo his spell?

No. He's got the
amulet of first magic.

He's too powerful.

But if we all work together...

You want us to
defeat your own son?

So don't trust me.

Let him rule the world
and all your children.

Here we will stay. Forever.

But what can we do?
We're stuck here, aren't we?

Not exactly.

The spell only banishes adults.

I don't like where
this is going.

It's the only way.

We have to do it.

[SIGHS]

Excellent.

[SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[CHILDREN LAUGHING]

[CRIES]

[SOBBING]

Wh-who are you?

I'm your king.

And this is my kingdom.

To my throne.

[IN A CHILD'S VOICE]
This better be temporary.

You sound weird. Whoa. So do I.

I kind of like this.

What's the matter?

I wore glasses as a kid.

Guess I need 'em again.

Wow! I didn't even
try to make these.

[LAUGHS] I hope not.

[GRUNTS]

Cool.

Will you stop messing around?

We gotta find Mordred.

Bet the little punk's in there.

It's not a race.

Ah!

Next.

[BABY CRIES]

My sister's crying.

I think she's hungry.

[SNAPS FINGERS]

[MOOS]

Next.

[CRYING CONTINUES]

[LOWS, COWBELL RINGS]

[SIGHS]

[GASPS]

The Justice babies.

[LAUGHS]

What are you
laughing at, precious?

You. Mother sent you, huh?

She shouldn't send a
boy to do a man's job.

[ALL SCREAM]

[SCREAMING]

[♪♪♪]

[LAUGHS]

[GRUNTS]

I'll make a laser cannon.

No, a m*ssile launcher.

Oh, oh, I know!

Just pick something.

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

You okay, tough guy?

Let go. I'm fine.

That's not fair!

Get him!

Playtime is over.

You'll share the fate
of all my enemies:

execution.

[SCREAMS]

[GROWLING]

[GROWLING]

[SNARLS]

What did he do to the demon?

Etrigan?

Don't hurt him!

[GROWLS]

Ow! Tell him that.

Ah!

Etrigan, cut it out!
[MUFFLED SCREAMS]

Ah!

[GROWLING RASPINGLY]

Etrigan, you stop
right there! Huh?

I mean it!

You naughty monster.

Bad, bad Etrigan.

[CRIES]

Hey, little guy, it's okay.

I won't hurt you.

[WHIMPERS, COOS]

You've got to be kidding.

He's just a baby.

[BURPS]

That's all he needed.

[SNIFFS]

Oh, man, that
ain't all he needs.

Now, that is a job for Superman.

I'm going to go punch
our way out of here.

I'll help.

[SNIFFS]

[COOS]

[CHILDREN LAUGHING AND
CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

[SCREAMS]

[LAUGHS]

Now, that's what I call fun.

Come on.

You two, knock it off.

What are you gonna
do? You're just a kid.

Ah!

I'm the kid with laser
beams coming out his eyes.

[BOTH SCREAM]

That's enough!

[ECHOES] [CHILDREN GROW SILENT]

You can't tell us what to do!

You're not our mom.

No, but I promise you,
we will find all your moms,

and I'm gonna tell.

Well, what should we do?

Go outside and
wait for your parents.

Now.

[ALL GRUMBLE INDISTINCTLY]

Your girlfriend sure is bossy.

Shut up.

[♪♪♪]

WONDER WOMAN
[WHISPERING]: He's almost asleep.

We can take him.

I'll make the lawn
mower and chew him up.

I say we get that amulet
away from him first.

We'll split up and
sneak behind him.

Then Lantern can do his thing.

But no mowers.

Why?

Because it's stupid.

I guess I'll go with Clark.

Unless I should go with you.

Whatever.

I'm fine to go with Diana.

So Bruce and I are good to go?

I changed my mind.

I'll go with Bruce, and
John can go with Clark.

Whatever.

What's with them?

Man, for somebody with,
like, 50 different kinds of vision,

you are so blind.

What?

[SNORING]

Easy.

What ya doing? [GASPS]

Huh?

Get the amulet!

He's just a little kid!

Man, I hate magic. [GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

[GASPS]

Now who's little?

[BOTH GASP]

Ow!

Ow! Ow! Oh!

[SCREAMS]

Come on!

[BOTH SCREECHING]

[GASPS]

BOTH: Ah!

[GASPS]

Come out of my castle.

Your king commands it!

[GRUNTS]

GREEN LANTERN: I got a plan.

I'll make some
giant handcuffs and...

Forget it.

We've gotta focus
on... [BANGING]

Never mind what I just said.

We'll take care
of everything else.

BATMAN: Lantern, you go crazy.

[BANGING]

GREEN LANTERN: Hey, junior!

[♪♪♪]

How about picking on
somebody your own size?

You're so dead.

[GRUNTS]

Thought you could b*at
me in that piece of junk?

Wasn't really trying.

Treachery!

No!

[expl*si*n]

[COOING]

Nice try,

but I already absorbed too
much of the amulet's power.

Now I'll take care of
my kingly duty myself.

What?

I'm scared.

I want my mommy.

You don't need a mommy.

You're better off
without one. Trust me.

[CRYING]

Stop it!

Stop it!

WONDER WOMAN: Some king.

I'm not impressed.

What'd you expect? He's
a boy doing a man's job.

You don't know what it's like

being stuck as a kid.

Since you've got all that power,

you could have been a
man any time you wanted.

I think you're too
chicken to grow up.

Yup, big chicken.
That's what you are.

Face it, precious, you like
being a little mama's boy.

I'll show you.
I'll show you all!

[COOS, LAUGHS]

I'm older than you now.

You sure are.

What? Wait. No!

They cheated.

After I fix this, they're toast.

What's wrong with
me? Where's my power?

You've used it all.

Don't you realize
what you've done?

What?

What?

[CRYING]

[GASPS]

Ma...

[LAUGHS]

[♪♪♪]

A bargain is a bargain.

Mommy.

Oof!

Wait. What happened to Mordred?

My spell gave him eternal youth,

but now that he's broken
it, all he has is eternal life.

[LAUGHS] Hi, sweetie!

[CHILDREN CHEERING]

Circumstances aside,

it was kind of enjoyable
to be a kid again.

I haven't been a kid
since I was 8 years old.

[♪♪♪]

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

Did you miss mommy?

Well, don't you worry, baby.

Mommy's going to
take good care of you...

from now on.

[♪♪♪]