01x11 - Memories of Cab 804: Part 1

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Taxi". Aired: September 12, 1978 – June 15, 1983.*
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This Emmy-winning sitcom follows the lives of a group of cabbies in New York.
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01x11 - Memories of Cab 804: Part 1

Post by bunniefuu »

Hey, you know, if we don't
get out of here soon,

we're gonna miss
the first race.

Don't worry about it.

Hey, you hear anything
from John yet?

What am I,
an information booth?

I was just asking.

I mean, He should
have been in by now.

He should have been in?

I should have been rich.

You should have had
a better nose.

Life is cruel.

Hey, get away
from that cage, Bobby.

We're not insured
if he breaks out.

Okay, let's see,
in the fifth.

( phone rings )

Hey, if that's the gallery,
tell them I'm on my way.

Oh, you guys are going
to the track, huh?

Yes, we are.

Alex picked
some big winners here.

Man, we're gonna clean up.

Yeah?

Ah, give me the aspirin!

That crumb!

He's worse than crabs.

That miserable
little loaf.

Who? Who's he
talking about?

John. You can go
to the track without him.

That crumb had a wreck.

What?

How'd it happen?

Was it serious?
Is he hurt?

He's fine till I get
my hands on him

and my feet.

Hey, Louie! The guy's
had an accident.

Don't walk all over him.

He's probably in a lot of
trouble right now himself.

He was driving 804.

804?

804?

Louie, are you sure?

I checked him out myself.

Where's the aspirin?

804?

Man, that's impossible.

I just drove her yesterday.

I swear, I'm going to k*ll him.

Louie, I know
you're upset.

We all are.

But you can't
blame John.

Hey, we can't blame
John, can we?

He never should have
wrecked that cab.

Man, 804...

another month,
she would have set a record.

No cab ever went
a half a million miles before.

ALEX:
Hey, Louie,
what's the damage?

Won't know till we see her.

But once you get
a tow hook in your fender,

you're on short time.

With that donkey,
figure the worst.

I can't
believe it.

There'll
never be

another one
like her.

You guys go on.

I'm going to stay here and see
what happens

Hey, I couldn't leave now.

I mean, we can go
to the races anytime.

Hey, I ain't ashamed
to say it.

I loved that cab.

We all loved it, Tony.

There'll never be
another cab 804.

What a cab.

You put her into low,
and you know what she'd do?

She'd go into low.

It's like she knew
you trusted her.

Damn!

All the cabs we got here,
why did he have to wreck 804?

You know what's ironic?

I first met John in cab 804.

I was cruising around
Grand Central about 11:00.

MAN:
Taxi!

( whistles )

Over here, taxi.

Hi.

It's okay.

I can manage.

That's good.

Would you like
the address?

Huh?

( louder: )
Would you like
the address?

Sure. Why not?

222 East 64th street.

Huh?

( louder :)
222 East 64th street.

Hey, what's this thing?

Safety shield.

What do you
need it for?

To protect me
from muggers.

Oh...

( tires squealing )

I should have known then.

Gee, that cab was like
a good luck charm to me.

I was in 804
the night I got held up.

That was lucky?

I lived.

That was when
all those robberies

were going on, you know?

Remember when
I started carrying

that big g*n around
for protection?

( whistling )

Oh, uh... sorry.

I forgot
to lock that door.

You're going to have
to sit in the back.

Or the front.

Whichever.

I just want your fare money,
son. No games.

Uh, I can't.

See, it's locked in a strongbox,
and we don't have the keys.

Hey, don't play
with me, man.

It's in the cigar box
under the seat.

You've done this before.

The money.

Okay, drop it!

What?

You heard me.
I said drop it.

Drop it?

Yeah, drop it.

Come on, drop it.
I said drop it.

Now drop it.

No, man.

You drop yours.

I drew first.

My g*n's bigger.

You should drop yours.

Man, just give me
the money so I can go.

You give me your money.

See, man,
you don't understand.

I do this for a living.

You don't understand.

You're not getting
a dime from this cab.

Nobody really
expects for you

to defend yourself
against this.

You know? I mean, what you got,
a lousy 50, 60 bucks?

It's just a Tuesday
night take, man.

Use your head.

You're not getting the money.

And I ain't leaving here
without it.

Yeah?
Well, it's your life, mister

'cause nobody
holds me up.

Uh, what is it?

You get embarrassed
if you got robbed?

Man, nowadays,
everybody gets robbed.

I don't mean

nothing personal.

I don't mean this as a putdown
or nothing, man, but...

why you giving me
such a hard time?

I mean, you can see
my point, can't you?

Now I really believe
that we could--

we can break through
the racial barriers

and come to a genuine
understanding here, man.

You're not getting the money.

You pasty-faced, vanilla,
lily-white towhead.

( cat meows )

What time is it, man?

I'm not telling you.

There's probably a clock

around here somewhere.

Wh-what's so funny?

You got a ticket.

While we were sitting here

we fogged up
the windows so much

a cop came by,
gave us a ticket

and didn't even spot us.

Now, that's funny.

What a sensational night.

Why don't you

give me the money?

You're not getting the money.

Oh.

Come on, man.

Tell me what time it is.

I bet it's 1:00.

Shank of the evening.

You don't even know
what you doing.

Look at your hand.

It's all throbbing from holding
that big g*n.

You can't make it, man.

You at the end of the line.

Hey, you're just
as tired as I am.

Huh, I sure am.

Okay, I got an idea.

Let's give each other a break

and switch g*ns
to the other hand.

Okay?

Okay.

Okay. Now, we switch
on the count of three.

Yeah, but no funny stuff, man.
I'll count.

I'll come in
if you get stuck.

Okay.

One... two...

three!

Hey, man.

Hey, you did that
on purpose.

You got my g*n
and I got yours.

Let's switch.

Uh-uh.

Why not?

Mine wasn't loaded.

Well, m-mine isn't either.

Oh, yes, it is, man.

I saw the cartridges.

Now come on, man,
it's all over with now.

Come on,
just give me the money.

Come on.

Hey, man, what the..?

They're stuck.

Hey, man, you're nuts.

Aw, that's it, man.

Man, I... you ain't no fun
to stick up, man.

That's it.

I'm getting out of here.

Hey, not so fast.

You owe me 38 bucks.

For what?

The meter was running.

No, no, no...

You make it 48.

I forgot about the ticket.

Now, stop.

Now, I mean it.

'Cause I-I'll hit you.

Come on, come on.

Seven... eight.

All right.

I hope you're
satisfied now.

Hey, now I don't have
enough for cab fare home.

What's your address?

447 West 23rd street.

You take me there?

No, I just want

to tell the cops
where you live.

Good night.

That's incredible, Bobby,
the way you stood up to him.

Did he get arrested?

Oh, yeah.

I got a little
commendation for it

and a little piece
in the paper...

nothing to write home about.

Well...

"Heroic Cabby
Cracks Down On Crime."

Third page, 14 paragraphs,
small photo.

I'd almost forgotten
about it.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, I saved a guy's life
once in 804.

No kidding?

Saved a guy's life?

How'd you do that?

You didn't save
anybody's life.

Sure, I did.

You did not.

It was no big thing.

I mean, the guy whose
life I saved

he wasn't so hot.

Hey, you're not kidding are you?

Well, what happened?

See, well...

I picked this guy up
by the train station

around Queen's Plaza
and Northern Boulevard.

MAN:
Taxi!

Taxi!

Where to?

I don't know yet.

Just drive, okay?

Okay.

TONY:
So, I'm tooling around Queens
for about 20 minutes

and the next thing I know,
I'm on the 59th Street Bridge.

Excuse me, would
you stop here, please?

What are you, crazy?

This is a bridge.

I know. I'm going to jump off
and k*ll myself.

Hey, don't do that!

Okay.

( horn honking )

MAN:
Thanks.

TONY:
It's okay.

That's all there
was to it?

Yeah.

He has the nerve to compare
that story with mine.

At least I didn't take
an hour to tell it.

Oh, it's a lousy story.
It is not.

Hey, you guys,
will you knock it off.

It's not important.

It doesn't matter
whose story is better.

What matters is,
they both happened in 804.

I got a great story.

ALEX:
Oh, come on Louie,
not now will ya?

I had a guy in this cab
once when I was hacking--

a real shrewdie,
you know what I mean?

I mean, this guy
was one tough cookie.

Get over!

( tires screech )

Get over, you bum you!

Piece of dirt.

MAN:
Taxi!

MAN:
All right, get in.

Driver, I want you
to take him

to the Walden School,
this address.

Now, here's your luggage,
and don't lose it.

And don't sell it.

Yeah, yeah.

Here you go.

$20 ought to cover it.

All right, now, remember:
this $600

is for food, books,
and necessities.

It's not
for gambling.

It's not
for pornography.

It's not
to purchase weapons.

Yeah, yeah.

You a father?

I don't think so.

Don't be.

All right, we'll see you
for Thanksgiving.

And I'll tell
your mother

you're sorry
you made her cry.

BOY:
Yeah, yeah.

( groans )

This is De Palma
in 804.

Taking a fare
to the Walden School...

Central Park West.

DISPATCHER:
Bully for you, De Palma.

Two fares in five hours.

A good day.

Yeah, yeah.

Who's he?

My dispatcher.

All dispatchers
are scum.

Remember that.

Hey, I'll give you another
20 if you let me drive.

What, do you think I'm crazy?

You'd k*ll somebody.

I'd lose my license.

30?

Okay.

Fork it over.

Get in there.

I don't need
this pillow.

You sure you know
how to do this?

You don't steal cars

without knowing
how to drive them.

Keep it over.

Who's driving,
you or me?

Nice jacket
you're wearing.

It ought to be.

It's tailor-made.

150 bucks.

Really?

My whole outfit
cost me 75.

That includes 65
for the transistor radio.

What's it like
being rich?

What's it like
being poor?

Don't be a wise guy.

I asked you
a real question,

trying to make
polite conversation.

What's your mother
look like?

Like that.

Ooh... very nice.

You don't mind if I say

your mother's
a very attractive woman?

Very nice bagonzas,
if you know what I mean.

What are bagonzas?

How old are you?

12.

Bagonzas are feet.

Red light.

Do you really have $600
in here?

Yeah.

Hey, you want
to make a bet?

What sort of bet?

Green.

I don't know.

All right.

I bet you I can say
all 50 states

in less than a minute.

All 50 states
in less than a minute?

Yeah.

How much?

A hundred.

I can't bet a hundred bucks
with a kid.

A rich kid?

Good point.

You're on.

Let me see
your hundred first.

All right.

I'll bet you you can't say
all 50 states

in less than a minute.

And I'll time you.

I'll tell you when to go.

All right...

go.

All 50 states.

I can't believe you fell
for that old trick.

Man, what a stiff.

I can't believe it either.

Hey, you want a
chance to get even?

I don't know.

What's the bet?

All right.

I'll bet you another hundred

that I can tell you the score
between tonight's game

between the Knicks
and the Celtics

before it starts.

Hmm...

You're going to bet me

that you can tell me
the actual score

of the game that's going
to be played tonight

between
the New York Knickerbockers

and the Boston Celtics?

You can tell me that score
before it starts?

Yeah.

You're on.

Zero-zero.

Boy, I wish this
was a longer trip.

But, unfortunately,
we're here.

Hey, you want another
chance to get even?

No, thanks.

No more tricks.

No, no, this isn't a trick.

It's a simple contest
between two men.

We'll see who can hold
their breath the longest.

No tricks, huh?

Strictly on the level.

You sure?

I'm sure.

For how much?

The whole 800.

Do you smoke?

Camels, unfiltered.

You're on.

Four, five, six,
seven, eight.

All right.

I'll say
"One, two, three"

and then we'll start.

All right?

One...

two...

three...

Go.

Hey, you okay?!

You breathed!

Hey, come on,
don't cry.

That money was supposed
to last me all year.

Now I don't know
what I'm going to do.

Aw, come, come here...

aw, there, there, aw...

easy... easy.

You're not such
a bad little tyke

after all.

Losing this money
really puts you in a spot,

doesn't it?

It sure does.

Okay, okay.
There, there, there.

All right, all right.

I'll tell you what.

Have you learned
your lesson?

You bet I have.

Well, then...

here.

Here's $20.

You take $600 from a child?

You call that a great story?

He was a monster.

And I don't care

if it was
an old lady's life savings.

600 bucks
is a great story.

Hey, maybe we're all
getting upset for nothing.

I mean, we don't know for sure
that 804 is totaled.

Maybe it was
just a fender bender.

Hi, everybody.

I'm fine.

Hey, everything's all right.

I'm fine.

Next week, more memories
of Cab 804.

Stop the cab!
What for?

We've skipped phase two.
We're too late.

We're too late?

Oh, my gosh,
she's having the baby.

She's still contracting.

This is it,
this is the baby.

Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, listen...

This is cab 804.

I'm going to
be a little late.

I have an out-
of-town fare.

LOUIE:
Good. How late will you be?

Don't wait up.

804'S about to go
under the wrench.

I can fix it.

So, would you spend
the night with me tonight?

What about her?

You'll have to take over.

Me?!

Mm-hmm.

I quit.

( theme music playing )

WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.

( grunts )
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