02x19 - Shut It Down: Part 1

[bunniefuu]

( theme music playing )

All right, where's
the mechanic on duty?

I'm going to k*ll him.

What are you
talking about?

I don't want to talk--
I got to hit.

Hey, hey, hey.
Tony, Tony, Tony,

take it easy,
take it easy.

Nobody's going
to hit anybody.

Now just sit down
and tell us about it calmly.

All right, Alex.
Yeah.

What is it?
I'm still shaking.

I'm driving down Fifth Avenue

just before
Saint Patrick's Cathedral.

Yeah.
Yeah.

I'm coming to a red light,

I go to put my foot
on the brake,

my foot goes straight through
to the floorboard.

Oh, no. My, God. Oh.

So I make it through the
first intersection okay, right,

but I can't stop this cab.

Here I am doing
50 miles an hour

straight down a road,
completely out of control.

Man, it's true what they say--

your life
flashes in front of you.

You know,
I lost a lot of fights.

So what'd you do?

So I did the first thing
that came to mind.

I stopped myself
by driving into a lamppost.

Tony, why didn't pull
on the emergency brake?

It's for parking, Alex.

And emergencies,
hence the name, emer...

You know,
there's a logic to that.

Yeah.

You know something?

This is not an
isolated incident.

Almost every night somebody has
some kind of serious accident

with a cab from this garage.

Hey, I don't care.
All I know is

because of some dumb mechanic,
I almost bought it.

Now, now, now,
Tony, don't get...

don't be so quick
to blame the mechanics.

They can only work
with what they've got,

and some powers that be
around here

don't want to give them
new cabs.

For a minute there

I thought I forgot
to close the old porthole.

You got something on your minds?

Yeah, you might
say that, Louie.

You know, uh, the cabs,

they've been
falling apart lately,

and Tony's brakes,
they just went out on him.

I mean, every time
we go out of here,

our lives are in danger,

and we think it's about time
you do something about it.

That's right, Louie.

Now you better stop and listen.

This could easily
turn into an ugly mob.

I thought most of these people

were just about as ugly
as they could get.

I knew
I shouldn't have said that.

Louie, man,
that's it.
All right,
all right, all right.

Hear me out.
So what are you
going to do?

All right, hear me out.

I can understand
that you're upset about this,

and I'm going to do something
that I don't normally do,

but I think the gravity

of this situation
calls for it.

Yeah, like, what?

I'm going to write out a report.

Aw, come on!
That never works!

Don't try to talk me out of it!

( all talking at once )

When the welfare of my drivers
is at stake,

no step is too drastic.

Jeff, give me the report sheet.

( blows )

All right, now
what's the date?

Hey, Louie, you're always
writing those reports,

and they don't get us anywhere.

You're right.

A report isn't enough.

Tell you what I'm going to do.

I am going to issue
"drive defensively" stickers.

Hey, Louie.

You're not going
in that cage, Louie.

You get in there, and
you lock the door,

and it's business
as usual.

In fact, you're not
going anywhere

until you promise to do
something about this thing.

ELAINE:
That's right, Louie.

TONY:
That's right.

Okay.

Go blow-dry your face.

What are you doin...?

Hyah!

TONY:
Open up or I'll
break it in, Louie.

Not by the hair
of my chinny-chin-chin.

MAN:
Break it down!

Break it down!

Get in there!

Where'd he go?

There's a secret passage.

Where is he?!

ELAINE:
There he is!

Go get him!

Hah-hah! Hah-hah!

All right.

You forced me to give
up one of my secrets,

but I got others,

and I'm not going
to reveal them...

unless, of course,
Nardo wants

to b*at them out of me.

Okay, that's it.

I think we should walk.

No, no, come on! Guys!

To walk out is absolutely nuts.

Hey, hang on, guys.

I mean, come on.

We have some recourse here.
What recourse?

Let's talk about this.

The first thing
I think we ought to do

is we get our shop steward

to issue a complaint
with the union.

All right,
who's the shop steward?

Uh, isn't it
Stubby Detmuller?

No, no, no, he retired.

It was Detmuller,
it was Detwyler.

No, Detwyler's the guy
from the day shaft,

he got thrown in the can
for b*ating his wife.

I thought his name was Jim Petty
or something.

No, Jim Petty is the backup
goalie for the Rangers.

Just what I was afraid of--
they're getting organized.

Well, one thing's obvious--

we got to elect
a new shop steward.

Okay, let's do it.
Come on!

All right,
who we gonna get? Come on.

Think, think.

JIM:
Hey, uh, wait a minute.

Who's that tall, red-headed guy,
comes in on weekends?

His name's Jack
something or other.

Why? You want
to nominate him?

No, I just couldn't
think of his name.

Jim, we're trying to find
a shop steward.

So I nominate me.

You?

Yeah, man, I'm the guy
who almost got k*lled today.

I deserve to see this through.

I'm mad and I want it.

And I second it!

I mean, if he's so mad,

he might be able
to get something done, right?

( clamoring )

ALEX:
All those in favor

of nominating Tony for the
shop steward say, "aye."

ALL:
Aye!

Congratulations.
You're our guy.

( cheering )

Stand back
and watch my dust.

( excited chatter )

( all chanting ):
Tony... Tony...

Louie, me and you
are going to talk,

and I mean right now.

So you're the new shop
steward, huh, Banta?

You've got it.

Congratulations.

Thanks, Louie.

Now, hey,
but I mean business here.

Oh, yeah. Of course.

Just step right into my cage,
and we'll talk about it.

You want me
to come into your cage?

Why, certainly.

You're the new
shop steward.

I'm not going to let
you stand out there

on the floor
with the rabble.

Come on in here
and have a seat.

Right foot, left foot,
right foot...

Sit down. Sit down, Tony.

( chuckling )

Okay, Lou, we are sick and tired
of coming in here every day...

All right, all right,
Tony, Tony, okay.

Now before
you get started here--

and I do want to hear
everything you got to say--

I just want to let you know

that I was pulling for you
during this election.

I mean, it's high time

that your talents
were recognized around here.

Oh, gee. Thanks, Louie.

And I think that
you're going to fit right in

down at the Tide Pool.

Yeah, well, that's all well
and good, Louie, but...

Tide Pool?
What's a Tide Pool?

That's that restaurant
around the corner

that us executives frequent
after hours.

And now
that you're the shop steward,

I'm sure
you're going to want

to spend time
down there yourself.

( dings )
( chuckles )

Well, I... I don't know.

( dings )
Oh...

Oh, you're going
to love this place.

They got fishnets and blowfish
hanging from the ceiling

and all the waitresses
wear leis, in keeping

with the Polynesian cuisine.

And they got
an exotic drink down there

that will knock you
right off your keester.

( laughing )

Hey, Louie, that
sounds great but...

Hey. I saw Jersey Joe Walcott
in there the other night.

Really?
Yeah.

This is a classy joint.

Listen, after the shift is over,
you come on down there,

and I'll introduce you around
to the g*ng.

Should I dress
or anything, Lou?

Sure, well, a sport coat
would be nice, huh?

How about around seven-ish?

Oh, and I'm buying.

( laughs )

Boy, that sounds great.

( dings )

I really want you
to try this drink.

It's called the monsoon.

It's days before
your sky is clear.

I blew it, huh?

Big.

Well, I'm new at this.

I figured I'd get him down
to Tide Pool,

fill him full with monsoons
and...

Tony, please
don't take this personally,

but if we're going to get
anything done, we need a recall.

Well, that's just your opinion,
man.

I'd like to hear
what everybody else says.

ALL:
Recall!

Well, look at it this way, Tony,

you... you brought us
all together on one issue.

Okay, nominations
are reopened.

I nominate Tony.

Jim! Why would you want
to nominate Tony?!

There's no substitute
for experience.

Oh!

You know, I-I think
this job-steward,

report-to-the-union
stuff is a lot of crap.

I mean, it never
accomplishes anything.

We've been trying
it for years,

and nothing's
ever been done.

But what choice do we have?

The choice we have
is walking out of here

until these cabs are fixed!

Let's go!

( angry yelling )

Hold it. Hold it. Hold it!

( whistles )

Now listen.

A wildcat strike
is absolutely nuts.

All we're doing is we're giving
them the chance to fire us.

Now, I say that there are
other channels we can go through

to get what we want
without losing anything.

Well, now, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

She's making sense.
She's making sense.

Go ahead.
Yeah, okay.

I vote Elaine
shop steward!

No, no.
( all agreeing )

Elaine, you
have to do this.

Yeah, man, somebody's got
to help us with this.

( sighs )

You'd be my choice.

Okay, I'll give it a sh*t.

( cheering )

All right, but...

Whoa, whoa. But...

I'm not going to soil myself
talking to Louie.

He's just Mackenzie's lackey,
right?

ALEX:
Right.

So I'm going up
to talk to the big man himself.

All right.
All right.

All right.
All right.

( all chanting ):
Elaine... Elaine...
Elaine... Elaine...

( excited chatter )

So...

Nardo's your new
shop steward, huh?

Wise choice.

( snorts )

What do you mean...
( imitates snort )?

I know how
Mackenzie handles people.

Boy, Elaine's
right up there,

nose-to-nose
with the boss,

and our careers are
hanging in the balance.

The suspense is
unbearable, isn't it?

Sure is, Jim.

( sighs )

Well, see you tomorrow.

Take it easy, Jim.

ALEX:
Hey, here she is!

How'd you do?

Hey, Elaine, that was,
like, really quick.

Uh, what happened?

Well, Mackenzie said that the
profit margin is so low already

that there's nothing
he can do about it.

But I told him

that we don't want to risk our
lives in these cabs anymore.

So he said that, uh,

"No one told you
to take this job anyway."

Wh-What did you say then?

I said what any good
New York cab driver would say

under those circumstances.

( laughing )

I also said
that we're on strike.

( cheering )

Shut it down! Shut it down!

( all chanting ):
Shut it down! Shut it down!

Oh, no, no, no!

Oh, no, not a strike!

Oh, fie!

This really puts me
in a bad position.

Now, where am I going to find

people capable enough
to drive cabs?

Yeah, where, Lou? Come on.

Daily News! Daily News!

Hey, kid!

You want to make
some big bucks?

Take out Cab 132.

Come on. Get out
of the news field,

get into the people-mover field.

You'll make some
big bucks, kid.

And remember--

the big pedal's
the brake.

LOUIE:
All right, attention,
substitute drivers.

We got a lot of cabs
to get out here.

Hotchkiss.

84. Hotchkiss.

Okay, Mr. Hotchkiss,

now, watch out
for any drunks out there.

Right? Go on out there.

Uh, Ferguson?

Eight sixty-six.

Ferguson!

Somebody get Ferguson
started there.

Okay, Mr. Ferguson,

now, don't go rushing
around here.

All right, here you go.

Life's too short
to rush around there.

Go out there and
knock them dead.

Uh, Scooter?

There you go. 626.

Go out there and buck,
buck, buck, buck, buck.

Whitey? There you go.

Get out there
and make some money.

Stretch? On your way.

My biggest booker here.

Okay, kid,
now, you get out there

and, remember,
red means "stop,"

green means "go."

( cackling )

I love you mugs.

Ooh, it's cold.

What are you doing
in here, Wheeler?

It's my turn to get coffee.

Huh-huh.

Pretty cold out there
on the picket line, ain't it?

Oh, it-it's not so bad.

( cackling )

Louie, the coffee machine's
not working.

It's just not working
for non-employees.

Yeah, well, this non-employee
wants his quarter back.

Put it in with your demands,
Wheeler.

Hey, Bob?
What?

Don't you want
your message?

I got a message?

Well, ordinarily I
wouldn't take messages

for a guy on strike,

but this seemed like
a real important one.

Well, what is it?

Well, your agent called and said
you got a big sh*t at a movie,

and the producers
are going to meet you

at the Sherry-Netherland Hotel.

Oh, wow! Oh, wow!

What time do
I meet them?

3:00 yesterday.

Yesterday?

Well, I would've given
it to you yesterday,

but then I would have had
to cross the picket line.

You know how I feel about
the sanctity of picket lines.

You know, you only do this
to me, Louie,

to try and make me break down,

but you're not going
to get the satisfaction.

All you're going to get
out of me is...

( whimpering )

TONY:
Great news, Bobby.

What?
It better be great news.

Oh, the union has agreed

to hold a hearing
on our grievances.

Yeah, they're gonna
subpoena Mackenzie...

( shivers ) and Louie.

ELAINE:
Isn't that great?

It ain't going to do you
any good.

Oh, yes, it is, Louie.

Your back is
against the wall.

We've got evidence
that is overwhelming.

I'm used to this, Nardo.

I am prepared for this
Mickey Mouse hearing.

Prepared? Prepared, how?

While you lame-os
are out there

playing in the snow,

I'm in here, doing a little
plastic surgery on the books.

According to
these records,

the Sunshine Cab Company
spends as much,

if not more, money
on maintenance and repairs

than any other cab company
in the city.

Once they get a look
at these books,

it will give us time to do
a little repairs on the cabs

so they pass inspection.

You see, you guys are
dealing with pros here.

Hey, Louie, nobody's going
to be gullible enough

to believe your story.

Oh, no?

Hey, Iggy.

Yo.

The Sunshine Cab Company
spends more on maintenance

than any other
company in the city.

Our strike worked.

All power to the people!

Well, we'll see, Louie.

We'll just see
who they believe.

Come on, guys, let's
get back to the line.

Yeah.
Yeah.

Farewell,
workers of the world.

( Bobby speaks indistinctly )

What are you hanging
around for, Rieger?

A little scab city?

That's quite a little trick

you're trying to pull
with the books, Louie.

Yeah, I got a few touches
in here that I'm proud of.

One of them is...

the Safety First picnic.

Boy, did we eat a lot of
hot dogs at that picnic,

but it was for a good cause.

You really feel good
about this, don't you?

Yeah.

I just hope
He forgives you.

Mackenzie? He's ready
to erect a statue to me.

You kidding?

No, no, no,
I don't mean Mackenzie.

You know, when you walk
into that hearing room,

you're going to be
under oath.

Sure, sure.

You know what that means?

Yeah. It means they
got to believe you.

I love this country.

No, Lou, it means
that you'll be swearing to God

to tell the truth,

and then you'll lie.

Well, every great businessman
has had to do that.

Besides,

he understands what's going on.

He's a man of the world.

Well, okay.

It's okay with me...

if the idea of eternal damnation
doesn't bother you.

You had to bring
eternal damnation into it?

Eternal damnation--
you're giving me that?

I used to have a nun
in my parochial school--

Sister Porchnik.

She used to give pop quizzes
on eternal damnation.

You know, Louie,

someday, some driver is going
to go out of this garage

in one of these cabs...

and he's going
to get hurt, Lou.

He may even be k*lled,

and you'll be responsible.

Not me.
You.
Not me.

You.
It ain't me.

You.
It ain't me.

It's Mackenzie.

He's the monster in here.

He's responsible for everything
that goes on down here.

Then Mackenzie
will be responsible

for sending you
to eternal damnation.

What am I going to do?

Well, if I were you, Lou,

I'd start negotiating
with our shop steward.

All right.

All right, send her in here.

It will be a pleasure.

You know what I hate
about you, Rieger?

What's that?
You're always giving me

that holier-than-thou attitude.

Well, I'm sorry, Lou.

It's just that thou art
so easy to be holier than.

You wanted to see me?

Nardo, you know
that I have the authority

to end this strike
any way and as I see fit.

I know that.

Okay,
let's talk turkey here.

Are you serious about this?

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't think
this strike

should go on another day.

It's-it's hard
on a lot of people.

All right, Louie,
let's talk.

Okay. All right,
you sit down

and tell me specifically
what your demands are.

Okay.

We want you to
retire all cabs

that have been in service
for over five years.

We want new brakes on the cabs.

We want you
to increase

the maintenance budget
by at least ten percent,

and we want at least one
new mechanic on each shift.

All right, it's yours, Nardo.

It is?
Yeah.

You're going to give us
what we want?

( laughs ) All right.

Great.

All right.

Now, all you have to do

is honor a few simple demands
of my own.

Like what?

Nothing bad. Nothing bad.

You and me, for four days
in a mountain cabin,

with no one but the furry
creatures of the woods

to hear our screams
of ecstasy.

One weekend.

One date to save
cabbies' lives.

You'd give in
to all of our demands

if I go on one date with you?

That's right, Elaine.

Okay, it's luncheon.

A lot of people around.

We meet at the restaurant.

We part at the restaurant.

I get to bring a friend,

and we sit
at separate tables.

Fine. Fine.

Let me-let me just alter
that just a tiny bit.

It's at night.

It's dinner.

I pick you up.

I take you home.

It's just the two of us,

and at some time
during the evening,

within the hearing of at
least two other people,

you must call me "Stallion."

And none of this--
none of this--

is negotiable.

Except "Stallion."

Especially "Stallion."

Louie, isn't there any other way
we can settle this?

Yeah, the only alternative
you have

is to go into that hearing
with me and my books,

and I make mincemeat
out of your case.

Do you promise me that no one
will ever know about this?

Are you suggesting we keep
our little t?te-?-t?te a secret

from the eyes of a prying world?

No. I'm suggesting that
if you let anyone know

that I've debased myself,
I'll k*ll us both.

Does that mean you'll do it?

( sighs )

( sighs )

Yeah, I'll do it.

( whooping )

Oh, but, Louie, do you
know what you're doing?

Do you realize...?
( laughing )

You are using
my concern

for my fellow workers and
friends to blackmail me.

You're taking
advantage of something

that's decent in me

to satisfy some indecent
needs of your own.

How does that
make you feel?

Horny as all get out.

( theme music playing )

WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.

( grunts )