04x01 - September 27, 1992

[bunniefuu]

Ladies and gentlemen, I would
now like to bring to the podium...

former presidential candidate,
Mr. Ross Perot.

Thought I was gonna
hang glide, didn't you? Huh?

Thank you very much.

Now, I felt it was important that
I come back and apologize...

for a remark I made in front
of this group a few weeks ago.

Apparently, some folks got upset...

when I referred to African-Americans
as "you people."

I am truly sorry for that.

Is that good enough for you? Huh?

Now, come on, now.

'Cause I got nothing bad
to say about black people.

Black folks, in my opinion...

are some of the smartest entrepreneurs
this country has ever seen.

That's right. Yep. They can
set up a business anywhere.

You check out any stoplight
in any major city.

See how many young, hard-working
black men jump on your car
and clean the windshield.

Without Windex.
They just use a dirty rag and spit.

Now, I think that's something special.

Now, you can also be proud
of your leaders in this country.

White politicians can't balance a budget,
the economy or the deficit.

But that Marion Barry, boy.

He balanced women, dr*gs,
F.B.I. Sting operations...

and still found time
to run the nation's capitol.

Come on!
Now, come on, now!

That's just good old American
stick-to-itivness.

Now, I felt bad about what
I said last time I was here.

And that's why I brought along
a little plan to help you...

guys.

Okay? How many people here
would like zero unemployment...

never have to worry a day in their lives
again about food or housing costs...

and pay no bills?

How many people like that, huh?
How would you like that?

Now, let me show you
how we can do this.

We can accomplish this very goal
just by you working for Ross Perot.

Ohh!

Now, if you were
to work for me, okay?

You would provide a valuable...

"Service," you see?

Then, you'll be guaranteed...

"Labor."

You see? You see?

And then you
will become an "Asset"...

to the community.

You see?

And by doing that,
you will produce things that are...

"Val-u-able."

And you will never,
ever have to worry about...

"Expenses"...

as long as you live.

Now, how about that for a plan?
Is that so bad?

Huh? Is that so bad?

What'd I say?
What did I say?

Boy, there is no pleasing you people,
is there? Huh? Let go of me.

Get off me!
Get off me!

- How you livin'?
- What?

- How you livin'?
- What?

- How you livin'?
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ Anything you want is up to you ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You for me and me for you ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You can be anything you wanna be ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ Let's take a trip and sip on a dream ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪

- ♪ Glide with the guide on a funky scene ♪
- ♪ All right ♪

♪ Here comes another one of those
funky, funny mo'money shows ♪

♪ A cast for laughs
and talented roles ♪

♪ And sisters with twisters
for you been lookin', listener♪

♪ It seems you don't believe
so you can believe what I convince ya ♪

♪ Some booty to your short and thought
We'll make it snappy ♪

♪ With jokes and pokes
at folks to keep you happy ♪

♪ No need to hold
your remote control ♪

♪ Chill
This show's got soul ♪

♪ All aboard, all aboard
The train never troubles ♪

♪ You'd better snuggle up
couple up ♪

- ♪ On the double-dub-double ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪

♪ It's hard to believe
but some of the best things in life are free ♪

♪ So, fellas, grab your girl
Tell her that you love her♪

♪ 'Cause that's the way you're livin'
when you're livin'in living color♪

♪ Go, go, go, go
go, go, go, go ♪

♪ Go, go, go, go
go, go, go, go ♪

♪ Go, go, go, go
go, go, go, go ♪

♪ Go, go, go ♪

♪ Go, go, go, go ♪

- ♪ Let's take a trip and sip on a dream ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪

- ♪ Glide with the guide on a funky scene ♪
- ♪ All right ♪

♪ Here comes another one of those
funky, funny mo'money shows ♪

♪ A cast for laughs
and talented roles ♪

♪ And sisters with twisters
for you been lookin'listener♪

♪ It seems you don't believe so you
can believe what I convince ya ♪

♪ Some booty to your short and thought
We'll make it snappy ♪

♪ With jokes and pokes
at folks to keep you happy ♪

♪ Go, go, go, go
go, go, go, go ♪

♪ Go, go, go, go ♪♪

Please welcome,
Keenen Ivory Wayans.

[Cheering, Applause]

- [Man] All right!
- All right!

[Cheering, Applause Continues]

All right, thank you. Welcome
to a new season of In Living Color.

Thanks for joining us tonight.

Got a whole lot new things for y'all,
startin' with the new additions to The Fly Girls.

I want to start here with
the O.G. Fly Girl, right here.

This is Deidre Lange from
Plainfield, New Jersey. Give it up.

[Applause]

Standing next to her is our latest addition
from uptown New York, Jossie Harris.

[Applause]

And from Oakley, California,
Lisa Thompson.

- [Mouths Word]
- [Applause]

And last year's new addition from
boogie-down Bronx, Jennifer Lopez.

[Applause]

We got some new cast members
for you to meet.

I want you to meet a very
talented comedic actress.

Come on out here, Ally.
Alexandra Wentworth.

[Applause]

And just when you thought it was over, we
got another one. He's the baby of the bunch.

You saw him in Mo'Money.
He's hanging with his big brother now.

Come on out here,
Marlon Wayans.

[Applause]

That's all you got for me?

- Come on!
- No, wait. Hold on.

Hold on, we got... we got some others...
some other new cast members.

Y'all, come on out.
Come on out.

Georg Stanford Brown,
ladies and gentlemen.

Monkey-mouth Davidson.

These people are so obnoxious,
they would not allow me to have my moment.

So, the cast is here
to join in and that's cool.

Well, we gonna
get the show started.

- Before we do, I want to
say hello to my man Twist.
- Twist!

- Twist is all right!
- Yo! Yo! Yo!

Now, wait, hold on!
Folks back home call him Leroy Casey.

- Gotta say that for the moms.
- That's right.

All right. Y'all chill. We gonna get ill.
We'll be right back. Peace.

We have risen...
Risen from the ashes of the riots.

As your city council representative...

I am proud today...

to inaugurate the re-opening of this
beautiful new community market.

So, I hear you folks like
to take sh*ts at firemen.

- Who are you?
- I'm Fire Marshall Bill Burns...

and, frankly, I'm a little pissed.

Sir, please, the riots are over.

The riots may be over, ma'am,
but the hazards remain.

Attention, shoppers!
Today's special is civil unrest.

Let me show you something!

Let's say the justice system
just let you down big-time...

and you decide the market here owes you
a couple of cases of your favorite malt liquor.

You're pushing your cart down the aisle.
It has a wobbly wheel.

Somebody says, " Hey, look, there's Chief
Daryl Gates going down Crenshaw on a unicycle."

Where, where, where?

[Screams]

Yo, man, doesn't that hurt?

Son, you don't know what pain is
until you've capped a Saudi oil fire...

with your tongue!

Uh-oh! I see a baby
that needs to be spanked.

What the heck do you think
you're doing, Leatherface?

I'm just grinding some meat, man.

Well, you better pop a No-Doz.

Those meat grinders can be
a narcoleptic's nightmare.

Let me show you something!

What if you were up all night
carrying a three-piece leather sectional...

on your back down Vermont Avenue?

You're grinding the meat,
you're completely exhausted...

a couple of cops here out front b*ating
the hell out of Rodney Allen Rippy...

you get confused...

and you mistake your left hand
for a pound of ground round.

Like so!

No! Don't! No! No!

- [Grunting]
- [Whimpering]

Next thing you know,
you look a bread thief in Baghdad.

[Laughing]

Wrap that up for me, will you?

[Coughing]

♪ Here we go
gathering guts in May ♪♪

Hey! Mr. Goodwrench, can I borrow
those pliers for a second?

Yeah.

- [Grunting]
- Ooh! Ohh!

Where the hell was the lesson in that?

Hey! Can't I do anything for fun?

Put that under your pillow, son.

No, buddy,
you can keep those.

Stop this at once!
Everything is safe here!

I am in charge of this situation.

I beg to differ, Puppetmaster.

You have no idea how close
you are to total...

destruction.

Now, just for the sake of argument,
let's pretend you're Caucasian...

but you forget
and you accidentally say the "N" word.

Suddenly, you feel
a sharp pain in your jaw...

and you realize you've been
coldcocked by Meadowlark Lemon.

That could be quite
a numbing experience, even for me...

the foreman
of the Simi Valley jury.

By the way, is anyone else here
going to the Policeman's Ball?

[Clunk]

I'm sensing a little bit
of racial tension.

Well, two can play at that game.

- [Grunting]
- [Thud]

Price check on human life!
[Laughing]

- I'm gonna break off the rest of that nose.
- Hey!

Hey, hey, hey!

- [Man] Don't push me!
- [Shouting]

Just the big stuff, folks!

- I think they said something about your mother.
- You menace!

You have started another riot!

To you, it's a riot, ma'am.

But to some folks,
it's an insurance opportunity.

Let me show you something!

I know you are not
going to throw that!

Don't worry, ma'am.
I am a Fire Marshall.

[Sirens Blaring, Distant]

Why are we doing this?

Now where are we gonna shop?

Can't we all just get along?

Can't we get along?

Attention, shoppers.
All merchandise must go.

[Laughing]

Hi, I'm Rodney King.

And I'm Reginald Denny.

And we're here to give you young people
a friendly word of advice.

- Always think before you act.
- Right.

See, it's not whether
you win or lose, but...

Is it over when the fat lady sings?

Can't we all just get along?

Staying in school
and staying off dr*gs is fine...

but it ain't gonna do you any good at all,
if you don't have sense enough to...

[Both]
Stay in your car.

Right. See, we were stupid.

We got outta our cars.

We didn't use our heads
and now look what happened.

We may have won the battle,
but the early bird got the worm.

Can't we all just get along?

And your friends are
gonna try to tempt you.

They're gonna say,
"Hey, come on. Get out of your car.

What can it hurt?"
Take if from us...

[Both]
It hurts.

Right. See, it's like Confucius said...

"He who hesitates..." Uh...

[Whispering]

"Can lead a horse to water, but he can't
get that bird out of his bush."

Can't we all just get along?

- So, take it from us, Reginald Denny...
- And Rodney King...

[Both]
Stay in your car.

- You wanna drive?
- No, man. Let's...

- [Siren Blaring, Distant]
- Let's talk about it in the car.

- We could take the bus.
- No, there's people on the bus.

- All right.
- [Siren Continues]

[Sighs]

Oh, the devastation.
The pain.

We must be united
and work together as brothers...

for only if we are united can we properly
renovate and rehabilitate this area.

Mr. Olmos, I want to help.
Just let me help.

Sweep up a yard, my brother.

- What could I do?
- Gather the garbage.

Mr. Olmos, I just wanted to tell you
that you're my hero.

No. No, my child.

I'm just an actor who talks sincerely...

and whose face looks like
the Latino side of the moon.

Now, let's get moving.

There is so much to do.
So very many ways to be seen.

All right, people, listen up.

This house needs more work.

More sweat and strain.

You, clean up my Mercedes.
You, tile my new wine cellar.

And, you.

Fill myJacuzzi with Jell-O
and get naked.

- Hey.
- With your help, I can erect
what was not standing.

All right, people, let's go.

Listen to me.
Come here.

I want to pontificate.

You have wallpapered.
You have painted.

You've saved of thousands
of remodeling dollars.

But what lies ahead
is the biggest job of all.

- And what's that?
- Fixing my face.

Everybody get the putty knives.

Make me look good.
I want to be governor one day.

[Whirring]

- ♪♪ [Hip-Hop]
- ♪ Get it ♪

♪♪ [Ends]

[Chattering]

Hey, how you doin'?
It's me, Bonita Butrell.

Child, I was on my way home from playing bingo
and got caught up here in these here riots.

People actin' like heathens. Takin'
everything that ain't glued to the ground.

- [Siren Blaring, Distant]
- Course Miss Bonita always
had herself something.

Didn't have to wait for Rodney King...

to get bopped upside the head
to get me a little something.

Course you wouldn't want to
look a gift horse in the mouth, either.

Oh, there go my baby,
Cisco Peterson.

Hey, Cisco,
how you doin', honey?

That's a fine TVyou got there.
And don't feel bad about taking it...

'cause I know you never stole
a single thing in your whole life.

[Laughing]

That's a born thief, there.

Mm. When his mama gave birth to him,
he ran off with the placenta.

I ain't one to gossip,
so you ain't heard that from me.

Nojustice, no peace!
Nojustice, no peace!

- No justice...
- Hey, Denise. Look at you, girl,
a regular little politician.

And I hear you, baby.
No justice, no peace. [Laughing]

It's more like
no $ bill, no piece.

That girl spend more time down under
than Crocodile Dundee.

I ain't one to gossip,
so you ain't heard that from me.

Hey, Mr. Kim!

I'm so glad they didn't touch your restaurant.
That's a fine restaurant.

Fine restaurant.
[Chuckles]

Too bad a cat won't go by
unless it's on a scooter.

But I ain't one to gossip,
so you ain't heard that from me.

Hey, lookee here. There go now
Jody Biscuitfill from that news show.

Hey, Jody, how you doin'?
I'm so proud of you.

You're the smartest little thing on TV.
[Chuckles]

Dumbest little thing
is more like it. Mm-hmm.

Take her three days
to watch Hours.

And... And that ain't
the half of it.

The girl got to moon herself
to count to two.

But I ain't one to gossip,
so you ain't heard that from me.

- How we doin' there, ma'am.
- Hey, officer, how you doin'?

Doing fine.
Look, we're looking for this lady...

who's been doing
a lot of looting in this area.

Her name is a Miss, uh, Miss Jenkins.

No!
[Moaning]

No. No! Lordy! Don't you say
nothin' bad about Miss Jenkins.

She's a fine woman, fine woman.
Wouldn't take nothing from nobody.

That's a fine woman, honey.
Don't you talk about Miss Jenkins.

I'll turn into Ice-T on your ass.

Don't talk about Miss Jenkins.
She's a fine woman, fine woman.

Just don't turn your back on her.

Woman's fingers are stickier
than a booger in a jar of honey.

I ain't one to gossip,
so you ain't heard that from me.

Let me get on out of here.

We are proud to debut one of the hottest
new rappers down with Da Hit Squad.

Please welcome DefJam/RAL
recording artist...

the superman lover, Redman.

♪♪ [Rap]

One, two, one two!

This is Redman coming to you live.

Bringin' you the brand-new funk
for era, my brother.

Physically and direct
from Milltown, New Jersey, and Brooklyn.

I ain't having none of that.

Yo, Twin, how it's goin' down, baby?

♪♪ [Man Singing]

♪♪ [Continues]

♪♪ [Continues]

♪♪ [Rapping In Foreign Language]

♪♪ [Continues Rapping In English]

♪♪ [Continues]

♪♪ [Ends]