04x23 - March 21, 1993

[bunniefuu]

- How you livin'?
- What?

- How you livin'?
- What?

- How you livin'?
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ Anything you want is up to you ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You for me and me for you ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You can be anything you wanna be ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

♪ Let's take a trip and sip on a dream ♪

♪ Glide with the guide on a funky scene ♪

♪ Here comes another one of those
funky, funny mo'money shows ♪

♪ A cast for laughs
and talented roles ♪

♪ And sisters with twisters
for you been lookin', listener♪

♪ It seems you don't believe
so you can believe what I convince ya ♪

♪ Some booty to your short and thought
We'll make it snappy ♪

♪ With jokes and pokes
at folks to keep you happy ♪

♪ No need to hold
your remote control ♪

♪ Chill
This show's got soul ♪

♪ All aboard, all aboard
The train never troubles ♪

♪ You'd better snuggle up
couple up ♪

- ♪ On the double-dub-double ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪

♪ It's hard to believe
but some of the best things in life are free ♪

♪ So, fellas, grab your girl
Tell her that you love her♪

♪ 'Cause that's the way you're livin'
when you're livin'in living color♪

♪ Go, go, go, go
go, go, go, go ♪

♪ Go, go, go, go ♪♪

♪♪ [Fanfare]

Black innovators have often failed
to get the credit they deserve...

for their brilliant work in creating
the society we live in today.

♪♪ [Jazz]

[Man Narrating] In July of ,
Homer Mix... "Ho"for short...

while enjoying himself at a local dance,
made a trendsetting discovery.

- You clumsy ox!
- Hey, I'm sorry.

- ♪♪ [Stops]
- [All] Ho!

- Sorry.
- ♪♪ [Resumes]

- ♪♪ [Stops]
- Ho!

- Hey, I'm sorry. Chips!
- [Scratching]

Chips.

[Scratches]

[Narrator] It was at that moment
that Homer realized he was on to something.

[Scratching]

- ♪♪ [Jazz]
- [Scratching]

- Everybody, say, Ho!
- Ho!

- Say, Ho, Ho!
- Ho, Ho!

- Say, Ho, Ho, Ho!
- Ho, Ho, Ho!

- Everybody, scream!
- [Screaming]

[Narrator] So today we salute Homer Mix,
the inventor of scratching.

I'm David Alan Grier, and this has been
a Great Moment in Black History.

♪♪ [Fanfare]

Hi. I'm Faye Griffin, reporting live
outside the Piggly Wiggly...

where Reverend Al Sharpton is entering
his third hour of a hunger strike.

Yes. JesseJackson is not
the only political figure...

who can participate in a hunger strike
and get his face on the news.

I have chained myself
to this railing...

and will not eat until black "aminals"
get the respect that they are due.

Black animals? Isn't your strike in support
of Reverend Jackson's hunger strike?

[Gurgles] No, I'm striking
for something much more important...

the representation of black animals
on film and television.

Now, have you ever noticed, black dogs don't
get to do Chuckwagon commercials?

Why?
'Cause they're black!

Black birds, black cats,
even black "willow" spiders...

always depicted as vicious,
attacking creatures.

And it's a shame what they did
to my brother Big Bird.

Are you saying
that Big Bird is black?

Oh, most definitely.
He's octoroon, high yellow, passing...

and that still counts!

Oh, see? L-I can resist.

Yes, Al Sharpton has agreed
to stay away from the feed.

There you have it. Al Sharpton
will continue his hunger strike.

- I'm reporting...
- See...

we must take whatever steps
are necessary...

- to stand together in solidarity.
- Right.

You cannot divorce the deviled egg
from the chicken.

You cannot stir buttered grits
without a spoon.

- You cannot eat greens unless they collard.
- That's right.

That is why I stand strong...

in this my third hour
of hunger strike.

- What is he talkin' about, girl?
- I don't know, but he makin' me hungry.

That's right, my brother.
Stand on common ground.

Speakin' of ground beef...

if y'all will take
a look over there...

you, uh, will see...

that, uh, the pork chops
are not quite tender.

Now, if y'all will turn
and face that way...

uh, you will see
that the sourdough bread...

need just a little bit
more butter.

Now, what we need to do
is cover our eyes...

and...
[Grunts] Ooh!

Support black animals.

Al Sharpton seems to be
standing strong.

- Reporting live from the Piggly Wiggly...
- Hey! That's my doughnut!

Oh, I thought you on a hunger strike.
Al Sharpton's cheating!

- [Reporter] What are you doin'?
- I have been falsely accused!

- What you see is a setup
manipulated by my adversaries.
- What adversaries?

In the words of our esteemed
and "conspiracized" hero, Mike Tyson...

[High-pitched]
"All these charges are 'ludicrisp."'

Uh, Reverend Al, there seems
to be some cream on your mouth.

- Did I get it?
- No, it's on the other side.

- Hey!
- He cheated, man!

- [Crowd Shouting]
- Well, that's the story here.

The hunger strike continues
for some and not for others.

Call the newspapers.
I have a statement to make!

Desiree lied!
Free Mike Tyson!

Uh, speakin'
ofTyson chicken, uh...

I'm FayeJackson, signing off.
You heard it first... Channel Fox News.

It is a day of...

[Man] Okay. Roll the drums.

- ♪♪ [Reggae]
- ♪♪ [Man Singing]

♪♪ [Ends]

[Man] The following is
a public service announcement.

This is what a man with a full head
of healthy, natural hair looks like.

Full, thick...

flowing, perfect.

Now, this is
what you look like.

[Chattering]

Full head of hair...

You.

[Whirring]

Reality check.
No one thinks you have hair.

[Laughing]

For God's sake, stop it.

[Man] This has been a public service
announcement for your own good.

[Man] This week,
In Living Color asks the question...

what if Archie Bunker
were black?

Hey, Edith!

Edith, get out here, will ya?

Oh, Archie, you're home!

- How was your day?
- It sucked. Munson was dissing me all day there.

- He's lucky I didn't whack him.
- Oh!

Edith, where's my eight ball?
I don't see a malt liquor in your hand there.

Don't you remember, Archie?

They b*rned down the liquor stores
during the riots.

Will you stifle yourself?
That was a civil unrest, and don't you forget it!

- What's for dinner?
- Oh, your favorite, Archie.

Macaroni
and the government cheese.

Geez, Edith. You know what
the government cheese does to me.

I spend more time on the throne
than Queen Latifah there!

Say, where's Gloria
and the Ham-hock-head?

Oh, they're out volunteering
at the Rainbow Coalition.

Aw, geez.
The Rainbow Coalition.

What's Jackson doin' cavorting
with them blue-eyed devils?

Why can't he be more like
your Louis "Fairycan"?

Oh, that's Farrakhan, Archie.

Whatever!

By the way, Edith,
what up with the hair?

Oh, it's my new braids, Archie.
How do you like it?

Oh, geez. I'm married to
the African dingbat over here.

Oh, you're upset, Archie.
Why don't you sit down?

- I will, Edith, just as soon
as you answer me one question.
- Anything, Archie.

Where the hell's my chair?

Oh, I forgot to tell you.
They repossessed it today.

- Repossessed? By who?
- Who else? The white man.

Those h*nky bastards!

Those mayonnaise monkeys!
Those Volvo jockeys!

Don't be prejudiced, Archie.
They're people, just like us.

In fact, two white people
just moved in next door.

Oh, geez.
There goes the hood.

♪♪ [Hip-hop]

♪♪ [Men Singing]

♪♪ [Ends]

Am I crazy, or is that...

Oh, my God. It is!
It's Mr. Rogers!

Come on. Let's go
introduce ourselves.

- I don't know.
- Oh, come on.

Excuse me.

You're Mr. Rogers, right?

Why, yes, I am.

Hello, neighbor.

Hi! Oh, my gosh.
I don't know what to say.

L-l-l... I grew up watching you...

and-and I just really think you have made
such a wonderful contribution.

It's just so nice to meet you.

I'm glad to meet you too.

To see that I've helped shape little girls
into women like you...

just gives me such a warm feeling
in my heart.

And my shorts are on fire.

What... What was that?

What I mean to say was...

Iookin' at those beautiful hooters makes me
want to stick my face in there and go...

[Raspberry]

I don't believe it!
What are you, some kind of pervert?

Can you say,
"Spank me like a bad puppy"?

- No, but I can say police. Come on, Gayle.
- [Scoffs]

Go ahead.
Tell anyone you want to.

They'll never believe ya.

I'm Mr. Rogers.

There ya go.

[Laughing]
Wow.

You're Mr. Rogers.

I grew up watching you.

Well, I've been watching you too.
[Laughs]

- Would you like to see my puppet?
- Sure.

- Oh!
- Oh, there he is. He's Prince Henry.

[High-pitched]
Oh, hi! What a pretty dress you have on.

Well, thank you, Prince Henry.

You know, in my kingdom...

I'm the inspector of all fabrics.

[Laughs] Oh.

Oh, my goodness.
What a splendid garb!

Oh, what do you call this?

Oh, it's just a blend of...

Hey! Prince Henry.

Let me show you how I fluff
Lady Elaine's pillows.

Let me just check these out.

Lorenzo's Oil Massage.

Poundhog Day?

These are p*rn tapes!
And my little Bobby watches you every day!

That's nice.
Give him this for me.

Oh! Get off of me...

you animal!

Yo. Yo,
is there a problem?

- No problem.
- [Grunts]

[Gasps] Man, are you crazy, man?
I'm gonna call the cops, man!

Hey, you just can't
go around hitting people.

Oh, I'm not just hittin' people.
Watch.

[Grunting]

- Hi there, Mr. Bra Strap.
- [Snaps]

What's goin' on?
What's goin' on?

- So, where is he at?
- There he is. That's the guy.

Oh, man. This is fanta...
Mr. Rogers, man.

- You're Mr. Rogers?
- Well, thank you, Officer.

Oh, man.
This is fantastic, man.

My kids watch you every day.

You know what? I'd be a big hero
if you could give me an autograph.

Oh, give me a break.
Mr. Rogers made lewd, lewd comments to us.

Mr. Rogers att*cked me.

Mr. Rogers kicked my ass.

I think somebody's living
in the land of make-believe.

♪ When you lie
it makes me mad ♪

♪ When you fib
I just can't be glad ♪♪

[Groans]

I think these youngsters
could use some guidance.

All right. Come on.
Come with me.

Embarrassing Mr. Rogers...

You should be ashamed of yourselves.
This man is a national treasure.

Thanks a lot. I'll take care of it.
All right. Everybody, into the car.

- Wait a minute. He...
- Come on! No more of this.

Hello, hooker.

I want to go all the way around
the neighborhood tonight.

Hey, are you really Mr. Rogers?

No, of course not,
but, uh, the money's real.

Let's go get it on, neighbor.

What's up? What's up, everyone?
I'm Jossie, coming back at you again.

This time we're here with someone
who's been on the show before.

He's here again.
We all love him.

Please put your hands together
for Uptown/M.C.A. Recording artist...

Heavy "D" and the Boyz,
singing "Truthful."

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

- A'ight, a'ight, a'ight.
- Come on, y'all.

- That's right. Get up, y'all!
- Everybody, get out of them seats.

- Come on. Get out of them seats!
- Yo, yo. Get up now.

- Check it out, y'all.
- Just stand up out of those seats.

Throw your hands in the air like this.
Come on. Come on.

Come on! Uh!
Check it out. Here we go.

- ♪♪ [Woman Singing]
- Yeah! Check it out.

Come on, y'all.

Say what? Say what?

Everybody, throw your hands in the air.

Come on. Throw your hands
in the air!

- Come on!
- Throw your hands in the air!

- Uh! Uh! Uh!
- Check it out. Check it out.

Check it out. Check it out.

♪♪ [Rapping]

Come on. Truthful!

Come on. Dance.
Come on. Come on.

Yeah, everybody. Huh!

- Everybody, come on. Come on.
- ♪♪ [Woman Singing]

- All the ladies, say yeah!
- Yeah!

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

Yeah.

Come on, Heav. One time!

♪♪ [Rapping]

- Yeah. Check it out, y'all.
- Uh.

I want everybody in the house
to check this out. Just sway like this.

Come on, everybody.
Everybody, just sway.

- Uh, uh, uh.
- And bounce. Just sway.

And bounce. Come on.
Just sway.

- And bounce. Yeah.
- Check it.

Check it out, y'all. Check it out, y'all.
Come on, Heavy.

Yeah. Check it.

Go, Heavy! Go, Heavy!

Go, Heavy! Go, Heavy!

♪♪ [Woman Singing]

Hey!

♪♪ [Rapping]

- Yeah, check it out.
- One more time. Yeah.

Bounce to the b*at, y'all.
To the b*at, y'all.

- Bounce to the b*at, y'all. To the b*at, y'all.
- Uh. Uh.

- Bounce to the b*at, y'all. To the b*at, y'all.
- What? What?

Bounce to the b*at, y'all.
To the b*at, y'all.

Bounce to the b*at, y'all.
Yeah.