01x04 - The Goose Boxer

[bunniefuu]

[GOOSE HONKS]

♪

Did you hear any of those rumors

about a list?

HANK: Yeah, I'm not making a list.

It's this guy Dickie Pope.

He's a real k*ller.

Did you write that

recommendation for my daughter?

I will.

Don't write the recommendation.

I'm going to New York to

interview at the Arlyle School.

HANK: My father's retirement is gonna upset

this very delicate balance

that we've achieved.

He left, and we don't speak.

Hey. I got you

Oh, thank you.

You're going to do great.

They're going to love you

and you're going to get what you need

to bring back to the principal,

and he's going to have to

take you seriously.

Yeah.

I know.

Is there something else?

I think I'm worried about you.

Really?

Yeah.

[CAR APPROACHING]

You've been a bit more

Hank-like than usual.

[CHUCKLES]

Have I?

Yeah.

I don't know.

I got it, I got it.

Okay.

Okay. Bye.

Bye.

See you in a couple of days.

I have this weird feeling

you're going to end up in jail.

Or the hospital?

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

[GEESE HONKING OVERHEAD]

[CHANDLER] You know how they figure out

which one leads?

[STUDENT] I don't know.

Seniority?

Experience?

It's hardest to lead

because they get all the wind resistance

but one goose will always bear the burden.

Each bird, as it flaps its wings,

is creating lift for their fellow birds,

except for the leader out front,

always hardest on the leader.

What if the leader leads them

into a jet engine?

That does happen.

Often, people die, too, at least,

so it's even.

[♪♪]

[GEESE HONKING OVERHEAD]

[♪♪]

- [KNOCKING ON DOOR]

- Mr. Devereaux?

I apologize.

He'll be ready in just a few more minutes.

Oh, thank you.

Hank!

I'm President Dickie Pope.

We've met four times.

I remember.

I remember, too.

Please sit down,

if you want.

I'm going to sit down.

So, are you hungry?

Would you like something to eat?

Uh, I'll see the menu.

Joke.

Good.

Hank, keep that sense of humor.

It's going to come in handy.

Hank, you are the only department head

who has not submitted a list

of faculty to cut.

In that way, I'm outstanding.

You are outstanding, Professor.

You are an accomplished professor,

and a very well-regarded novelist.

I have your book

It's not there.

Yeah, that's been happening.

It's been disappearing from the shelves

of private collections

all around the country,

only to reappear later in a field,

claiming an extraordinary experience.

Why haven't you submitted a list?

No one reason.

Please elaborate.

Can't.

There's no reason that I can think of.

Granted, I haven't given it a thought.

You are missing an opportunity.

This would be the first time.

As you are aware,

it is virtually impossible

to fire a tenured professor for cause.

[FAINTLY] Yeah.

You are saddled with your department,

the good and the bad.

These budget cuts present an opportunity

to remove the ones

And I'm sure you know

who they are already

Who shouldn't be here.

You will reshape your department.

Everybody will be better off.

You will bring in

new professors in the future,

ones you have chosen yourself.

Yeah, but how could we afford that?

Won't much of the money

be going to this Technical Careers Complex?

There seems to be a misunderstanding here.

The university is not spending a dime

on the Epstein Center.

Epstein is.

It's a gift.

He paid for the building,

the staff, and maintenance

for 10 years.

He's coming to

the groundbreaking tomorrow

[HANK, THINKING]

I'll bet the tiny tree business

is hard to break into.

I mean, it's not worth building

a machine to make 'em.

It's got to be by hand,

or maybe they just, you know,

cut down a tiny forest somewhere,

completely ignoring

what must be a size able crowd

of Smurf protesters.

Yeah.

Look, nothing about

the Jeffrey Epstein Technical Careers Center

looks good.

You're referring to the name.

People are familiar with the many instances

in which young women were att*cked

by a technical careers center.

Different Jeffrey Epstein.

This one made two billion on air fryers.

We're adding a "Q".

q*eer fryers?

It will be the Jeffrey Q. Epstein Center.

What's his middle name?

He doesn't have one.

He's not thrilled with the "Q".

The legislature is cutting

our budget by 23%.

Please make a list so we are prepared.

I've gotten this far without making a list.

If I were to start now,

I'd feel like a quitter.

No.

Uh, look, Dickie, um

you're new around here.

Every year, those geniuses in Harrisburg,

they thr*aten cuts,

and every year, they don't,

because, as we've established,

they don't like not looking good.

This year is different.

Because of how time works?

They likely will give us what we ask for

but I'm not asking for it.

All my predecessors

have begged year after year for more money.

I'm not going to do that.

I'm lobbying for less money.

The school's too fat.

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

[HANK] Shut the door, please.

I talked to Dickie Pope.

What? When?

Earlier today.

He called me into his office.

He wanted to talk to me.

To talk about the cuts?

And you went?

Did you give him a list?

Do you think I would make a list?

Tell me you didn't give him a list.

If I told you I didn't give him a list,

would you believe me?

No.

Then I'm not telling you.

You went to see Dickie Pope

without talking to us first?

It wouldn't have made a difference, Paul.

Wouldn't have made a difference?

Screw you!

We could have had a strategy session,

brought Leslie in.

Whew! I missed out on a strategy session

with Leslie.

You see us out there, right?

You see that we think

we can have a voice in this,

that we need to.

You're the one without a voice.

You just decided

it doesn't matter what we think.

[ "I JUST GOT THE NEWS"

BY THE GENTRYS PLAYING]

[PAUL'S VOICE FADING OUT]

You see, that's the exact reason

collective action fails

[MUSIC TRACK DROWNING OUT PAUL]

because when you undermine the union,

you're undermining all of us!

What am I gonna do?

No matter what I do

But I've done everything I can ♪

[CAR HORNS HONKING, CITY TRAFFIC ROARING]

[♪♪]

Lily!

Tom.

Hi!

Are you kidding me?

- Who are you?

- Well, hi.

[CHUCKLING]

- Great to see you.

- You too.

So the students don't have any textbooks?

No, it's all digital.

They have access

to whatever they need on them

at any time.

It means more personal

connections between students,

and between teachers and students.

Dina!

Way to crush it at the regionals.

Excellent work.

Regional physics challenge.

She is amazing.

The kids look too happy.

Yeah, I know, it takes some getting used to,

but trust me, this is not all for show.

Every choice we make

has been backed by lots of research.

What?

No, I'm just

I'm just trying to square this new Tom

with the one who, um, quit his job

by telling his boss to get cancer.

Ah.

That was a long time ago.

Plus, I heard

he actually did die of cancer

so I have to be

very careful with my power.

No [LAUGHING]

This administration is crazy supportive,

they're open-minded.

You're going to be walking into

a very smoothly-run ecosystem

If If I get this job.

Sure, "if", "if".

I mean, no pressure,

but you'd better nail this interview.

Do you have any idea

how many hand jobs I had to give

to get you this meeting?

- Three.

- Eight.

They were all on myself, to set the mood,

but still, I am exhausted.

I should take a video of myself right here

and send it to my principal.

Guy would crap his pants.

Yeah?

You ready to burn that bridge?

Oh, I'm ready for him

to give me everything I want.

What do you mean? What do you want?

Well, it's just, you know,

if I stayed in Railton,

this interview could give me some leverage.

Leverage?

Well, don't you want this job?

Oh, well, yeah.

I mean, yeah, but, um

I mean, if I'm honest,

a move would be

really hard for me right now.

Well, oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

- Lily!

- I'm sorry, Tom.

I didn't think

If I had I seen you here

and how much you obviously care,

then I wouldn't have

- [EXHALING]

- Do you want me to go?

You could say that I got sick or d*ed,

or got

kidnapped by big city rats.

You can't bail now!

If you do, I'll look like an idiot.

Just go in there and be great.

Well, no, no, don't be great.

Just be medium great.

[WHIMPERS]

Can you be medium?

Okay.

[GRUNTING]

I know that you care about those professors,

despite the fact

that you would never admit that,

but you complain

about these people all the time,

about their incompetence,

and in the end,

don't you have to think about the students?

That's not the point.

Oh, I'm having a hard time

figuring out what the point is lately.

I have this weird feeling

you're going to end up in jail.

Or the hospital?

[TONY] In the hospital?

Or jail.

I think they're very different places.

Yeah, so, what's the common thread?

I don't know, uh

Trouble?

Loss of control?

Yeah, that's not insight.

All right.

Let me think. You punch.

All right, let's draw on philosophy.

Let's articulate the question.

Yeah. Why is Lily upset with me?

Well, I can't solve that with philosophy.

Here's something we can tackle,

what's a good and moral way

for you to handle your current work crisis?

How should you act?

Do nothing.

No, you act according to your desire,

unless you're a Buddhist,

then you should desire nothing.

That eliminates suffering.

See, that's my problem with Buddhism.

Suffering,

that's my sweet spot, right?

At least I know I'm alive,

I'm feeling something.

Huh.

Maybe Lily wants you to feel

something more than suffering.

Why would she want that?

I don't know, you tell me.

One word per punch. Let it out.

Because!

It's!

Boring!

Because

she's bored with me.

Finny.

Chopping block.

He teaches the fewest students

to the lowest result.

High attrition rate, too.

Gracie.

Chopping block. She's a headache.

Constantly filing grievances.

Granted, she's correct, but still.

Emma?

What she does isn't even English.

Chopping block.

Rourke.

High self-regard, no good reason.

Chopping block.

The couple, what are their names?

Their names are "chopping" and "block".

Henry Devereaux Jr.?

Chopping block.

Top of the list.

Is everyone on the list?

You forgot about Billie.

Okay, Billie Quigley

Chopping block.

I know this is rushed,

but today's groundbreaking

of the Epstein Center

is giving us a great opportunity.

Now, the key thing to any organized protest

is that we're unified in purpose and action.

And what is our purpose exactly?

What are our central aims

if we had to itemize them?

Yeah, it's just important that

we get our message out, right?

It's not about hogging the spotlight.

It kind of is about hogging the spotlight.

To get on the news

and tell Harrisburg that we mean business,

that we won't tolerate cutting jobs.

Right, but Dickie Pope doesn't need to know

exactly who we are, right?

I heard he's a vindictive man.

Would you two stop it?

Paul's right.

We need to stay focused on jobs.

There will be press there.

Our message, we hope, will reach Harrisburg.

So you want us all

standing outside in the cold?

It's 70 degrees, Billie.

I've been to most of the departments now,

and, honestly,

a lot of them are looking to you,

the English department.

Oh.

Because of our leadership?

Well, their feeling is,

if you can unite,

everyone can.

- What's that supposed to mean?

- You know what it means.

We file more grievances against each other

than any other department.

I mean, I've never filed one against anyone.

Love you guys.

If the rest of the faculty believes

that we'll submit to being

the butt of their jokes,

then please tell them

to enjoy the protest without us.

Easy, Finny. Jesus.

[HANK, THINKING] Does everybody worry

that they're boring?

I've been so focused

on all the boring people around me,

I forgot to check myself.

Okay, let's see.

Do I have any new thoughts?

Uh-oh.

[LILY'S VOICEMAIL] Hi there!

You've got Lily's phone.

Leave me a message. Bye!

[VOICEMAIL BEEPS]

Hey, babe.

I know you're working right now.

I was thinking about

that conversation we had

just before you left, and

You know what, call me when you have time.

Bye.

[TONY] Are we really getting a glimpse

of Jeffrey Epstein?

Now, what kind of font is this?

Helvetica sans testicles?

Let's go say hi.

Let's work out

the exact mechanics of the protest.

I think the smartest way to handle this

is to let the ceremony play out in full,

and then we strike for maximum impact.

She wants to read her poem.

[LESLIE] What poem?

"What poem?" Which poem.

The one I was asked to write and recite,

titled "Groundbreaking".

You can't read your stupid poem anymore.

It will look like you're on their side.

That you would even mention sides

suggests you are not familiar with my work.

My poetry is for everybody.

It joins us.

It is, perhaps, our best sh*t

at resolving this conflict amicably.

- Professor

- Scab.

Not true.

- It's not true.

- Scab.

No one supports the union more than I,

but long before these cuts

were even on the table,

I composed this poem

at the request of Dean Rose.

I wrote it, I'm proud of it,

and the poem deserves to be heard.

Okay, look.

The important part,

that will get on the news,

is the shovels breaking the ground.

That happens at the end,

so we could wait to have

the poem read before we chant.

Oh, I'm not chanting.

[GRACIE] Thank you. That's gracious.

I do think the press may pick up the poem

once they hear it.

[STIFLING LAUGHTER]

Will there be gargoyles

on the side of building?

I love gargoyles.

You want gargoyles, babe?

I'll get you gargoyles.

I am so thankful

for Jeffrey Queequeg Epstein.

Oh, no, I believe

it's Jeffrey Quidditch Epstein.

- Is it?

- Yeah. Quidditch.

It's neither, actually.

- What?

- There is no "Q".

Yeah, there is.

It's right there on the sign,

- between the "Jeffrey" and the

- Fellas,

I'm Jeffrey Epstein.

You're "the" Jeffrey Epstein?

The one and only.

I donated this building.

Oh, that's very generous of you.

Thank you so much. Now, this "Q" thing?

It's a crazy story.

Forget about the "Q"

I'm going to the car.

- Okay, baby.

- So what happened?

Did they misspell your name?

Because I get that all the time.

No, this "Q" thing, it's a non-issue.

If my parents had just

given me a middle name,

but they didn't.

All my parents gave me was brains,

and an insatiable lust for knowledge

about food technology.

I don't know if you heard,

they changed the tax laws this year.

I had to find a $50 million write-off

out of nowhere.

Been there, yeah.

Mm-hmm.

I'm thinking, let's keep it simple,

maybe I'll buy a hockey team or something.

So I'm keeping my eyes

on the worst team in the league,

because that's how you find a deal, right?

And then you're not

going to believe this

They have a winning season.

They have a winning season!

- Yeah.

- a winning season.

Yeah, we're hockey fans.

And back it up a little bit.

I actually have a lot of trouble

finding engineers

to support my air-fryer business.

It's complicated.

Fast forward again,

I realize what I'll do,

drop the $50 million,

build the Technical Careers Center

right on this campus,

which is pretty much in my backyard.

I mean, you can almost

smell my factory from here.

It smells like chicken.

Used to. That's our test kitchen.

We switched to rabbit recently.

Anyway, point being,

I got everything I want. I'm going

to get specifically-trained engineers

who can come work for me.

I got my tax write-off.

I'm sleeping like a champion baby.

It's awesome, and then

of course, that jerk face with my name,

the other Jeffrey Epstein,

he starts all that

horrible stuff with girls,

and while all that's going down,

Dickie Pope calls me,

and he goes, "Look, in light of everything,

we've got to add a "Q".

Now, this has to stay between us, okay?

Okay.

I'm like, "You want a "Q", best I

can do, $40 million," and he caves.

He caves right away.

He's like, "Yeah, okay,

yeah, sure, whatever."

So this building cost 40 mil?

No, that's the best part.

That's a $50-million building.

Dickie just pulled $10 million

from wherever, I don't know.

What I do know,

I got everything I wanted,

my write-off, my engineers.

Then I had this extra $10 mil to play with.

I go, "Now I can look good"

So Dickie Pope just pulls

$10 mil from wherever.

Is it possible he found another donor?

You know that's not true.

All right, excuse me, I'm sorry.

[TONY] So I'm in the market

for an air fryer.

They're all the same, right?

[JEFFREY] Absolutely not.

[TONY] Generally, generally

[CALL RINGING]

[LILY'S VOICEMAIL] Hi there!

You've got Lily's phone,

leave me a message. Bye!

[VOICEMAIL BEEPS]

Honey, I know I said you should call me,

but I just heard something that's making

I was hoping you could talk me down.

You know what?

I will be fine.

Okay, call me when you can.

[EXHALES]

I thought we agreed

you weren't going to pour it on.

I can't turn it off.

No, you can't.

Thank you, Tom.

Oh.

Do you have to hurry back?

You just got here.

Yeah, but I left some stuff in Pennsylvania.

Well, look, I'm seeing Ashley

later tonight for drinks.

Ashley!

I didn't realize she was back in town.

Is Jenny going to be there?

I haven't seen your wife in ages.

No, it'll just be the three of us.

I'm getting the band back together.

Stay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That sounds really good.

Okay. [CLEARS THROAT]

You have the phone.

Okay, all right,

and on

three

Okay, we're good.

On three, two

I'm standing on the future site

of the new multi-million-dollar

technology center

here on the campus of

Bird-sh*t State

Just cut. Cut, cut, cut, cut.

Can you get this?

I've seen her on the evening news.

Masturbated to her.

I wonder if I can turn a fantasy

into real-world fornication?

I'd wish you luck, but

- Thank you.

- I feel awful.

All right, so, guys, it's just too noisy.

We gotta lose the ducks.

Can we lose the ducks?

- Somebody

- Geese.

Ducks are the small ones.

Okay, well, can somebody just escort

the little bastards back to the lake?

Pond.

Lakes are the big ones.

Well

we're here on the campus of Podunk College

speaking with an authority

on every damn thing under the sun

[CHUCKLING]

apparently.

[GEESE HONKING]

[GOOSE HONKING]

Back off.

[HONKING]

Did you Did you get it all?

Well, I said I would, and I will.

I'm a little bit nervous.

[EXHALES]

- You're going to crush it.

- Okay.

[WHISPERING] "We dipped our palms"

[FINNY] How will we know?

Is Gracie going to cue us?

Is there a particular word she'll utter,

and then we cue the trumpets

and sally forth?

No, no one's sallying.

[HANK, THINKING] Professors

should not hold signs.

- They should know better.

- [GOOSE HONKING]

I mean, what's the ratio of signs to change?

We're taking billions of signs over time,

and maybe one, once,

convinced someone to change their mind?

The only sign I like

is "Men Working in Trees",

because then I know to look up,

see the guy in the tree.

[PAUL] Okay, guys, just

just make sure you make a big enough scene

so that the cameras point to us.

If we're not on the news,

then we weren't here.

Dude

Hmm?

You spelled "Humanities" wrong.

What?

I-I was thinking of the Latin.

You were not.

[♪♪]

- [PECKING AND HONKING]

- Back off!

- [HONKING AND HISSING]

- Shoo!

You want to do this? Huh?

- You want to do this?

- [HONKING]

[CHUCKLING] Yeah, you picked the wrong day.

- [GOOSE HONKING]

- I've got all afternoon.

[HONKING AND SCREECHING]

That man is chair of the English department.

Back off, Goosey!

Come on, you want a piece of this?

[GOOSE HONKING AND SCREECHING]

- I'm gonna kick him in the neck!

- Go film duck guy, go.

[EMMA] What's he doing?

Come on, take your sh*t!

He's mocking us is what he's doing.

[GOOSE HONKING]

Take some stills. Get in there.

[CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING]

[GOOSE SHRIEKING]

[CAMERAS CLICKING]

In this corner,

William Henry Devereaux

of the English department,

Railton College,

and opposite me, a goose!

[CROWD LAUGHING]

[GOOSE HONKING]

We are here at a groundbreaking

for a building that is being paid for

by cutting faculty!

I heard that directly from the mouth

of the reliable, honorable

other Jeffrey Epstein.

No! No, I say!

It will not stand!

- [GOOSE HONKING]

- I will box

one of Railton's beloved geese!

I will box a goose a day

until I get my budget fully funded!

I'll punch him in the upper neck

and I'll punch him in the lower neck!

The goose is mostly neck.

- That idiot.

- [DEAN ROSE, OVER MIC] Okay!

- [HANK] I will box him, and

- Over here, please!

Over here, please!

No cutting jobs!

[CHANTING TOGETHER] No cutting jobs!

No cutting jobs!

Ladies and gentlemen,

I'd like to

[CHANTING] No cutting jobs!

Here, buddy.

Let's get out of here.

- All right.

- Come on, come on, come on.

I'd like to start

tonight's ceremony with a poem

by our very own Gracie Dubois!

[CHANTING CONTINUES] No cutting jobs!

No cutting jobs! No cutting jobs!

Gracie Dubois, everyone.

No cutting jobs! No cutting jobs!

Grace!

No cutting jobs! No

You're going to love this place.

She should be here.

I told her to meet us at 5:00.

- Lily!

- Whoo-hoo!

Aw, yeah!

Oh, my god, it's so good to see you.

Oh, buddy.

So? How'd it go?

- Did you get the gig?

- They loved her.

Let's go look for apartments right now.

Oh, that sounds so fun.

[TOM] It does sound fun.

Not going to happen.

We were hoodwinked.

The whole interview was a con.

She leveraged us, Ash.

Leverage for what?

Her cutthroat public school job.

You scammer!

So you just flash your tits at the

old flame, and he comes running.

I did not flash my tits.

- I did not run.

- You two never change.

It was just

You know, it was just business.

I do feel bad, though.

Well, you shouldn't.

Uh, since we seem to be truth-telling,

I haven't had a drink yet,

but, um, the job wasn't, uh,

how shall we say, really available.

What do you mean?

Well, you didn't hear this from me,

and I didn't want to bum you out,

but there was this huge meeting last week

about how they wanted to

re-commit to diversity hiring, and, so

- Oh.

- Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, I get that.

I really thought

we were going to have her back in New York,

but, well, that's our Lily,

always playing us.

What? That's not me, I don't play people.

Oh, shut up and get me a drink.

[TOM] Yes. Uh, drinks!

Are you thinking of

getting some food, gentlemen?

The drink of the day is a Mikhail Gorbachev.

What's that?

It's a Moscow Mule,

served in a glass nost.

[SCOFFS, SNORTING]

[GROANS]

Uh, I'll leave you guys to it.

They changed the menu,

without warning.

I didn't come this restaurant.

I came to the one

that has the shrimp I like.

[HANK WHISPERS] Bait and switch.

I'm ordering off the old menu.

From memory?

I believe death will come quickly for me.

Uh, change of subject?

Not because I want it to,

but because

most of the deepest experiences of my life

have been unexpected.

The important thing

is we must prepare to transcend.

Did something happen?

My ex got remarried.

- That was years ago.

- The other one.

We had an implicit promise

that we would get back together

if we were both still single

when we turned 70.

I had no intention of keeping it.

I hate her, but still.

Pay attention, I'm getting somewhere.

You have my attention.

I've decided fornication

may no longer be the primary goal.

It may, in fact, be counterproductive.

You have half my attention.

The body deteriorates.

It reminds us that time,

although an illusion, is a robust one.

All we can do is watch.

First go the knees, then the spleen,

then the rest of the body, the whole thing,

until we're just a ghost in the machine,

then no machine.

Casey Jones without a train.

[PAUL] There he is,

the bird boxer.

Quite a prank.

Say thank you. Look

You knew what we were planning.

Said he didn't want any part of it.

I

Then you go and upstage the entire thing.

The whole g*dd*mn thing.

Shut up, Billie. The whole g*dd*mn thing.

In my defense, the goose was an assh*le.

[PAUL] In your defense,

it was a pretty big F-U

to the administration

for a guy who says he's not a union man.

Come join us, jackass.

[RAPPING FINGERS ON TABLETOP]

[LAUGHING]

No, listen, listen, listen.

So, there wasn't a school system

in the country

that wasn't completely uprooted by Covid,

but even, you know,

with all the staff turnover

and the budget fights,

and all the other crap

that goes along with it,

I've got to say we fared pretty well.

[TOM] Pretty well?

Top 20 charter school in the city.

Top 15, depending on which report you read.

Last week, I cleaned up a student's piss

because my janitor felt it was beneath him.

Gross.

[CHUCKLES]

You know what it is?

This Arlyle job,

it, like, got my engine running again.

I'm listening to you talk about your schools

and your careers,

and that's the reason

that we went to grad school

in the first place.

That was always the dream,

and I just miss it.

Miss it?

I'm sure you talk like this

at home all the time, no?

[CHUCKLES RUEFULLY]

Oh, my God.

Do you know

Hank just publicly announced

that all the students

and teachers at Railton

should resign themselves

to their mediocrity.

- Oh, sh*t.

- Oh

Yeah.

I mean, he was kidding, but

no, he wasn't.

- [LAUGHING AND CHATTING]

- Whoa!

Hey!

What's everybody else having?

- [LAUGHING]

- That's a good one

- [GROANING AND BANTERING]

- Mean lady

- Let's do this.

- There we go.

Uh, here is to Dickie Pope

and the look on his face.

- Oh, wow.

- [ALL CLINKING GLASSES]

Gracie, your poem, your ode.

You never had a chance to read it.

[BILLIE] Come on, we want to hear it.

[ALL AGREEING] Come on!

- Go ahead.

- Yeah!

No, I think the focus

is split at the moment.

- No, we wanna hear it.

- Come on.

Trust us, this will never happen again,

- so

- [LAUGHTER]

We're happy to hear it.

Go for it.

[TAPPING GLASS]

"We dipped our palms in chalk to

"keep our hands from letting go,

and"

Go on, Gracie.

This is as quiet as the bar's going to get.

No, I

Yeah, finish the poem.

- Yeah, come on.

- Finish it.

That's the end.

So read the beginning.

No, that That was the

Well, perhaps you can read it again

now that we know more about what to expect.

You did end it with an "and".

[♪♪]

[VOICEMAIL BEEPS]

[HANK, VOICEMAIL MESSAGE] Hey, Lil,

uh, the weirdest thing,

but, well, you don't have to worry about me.

I boxed this goose.

He was

Well, he was being a jerk,

and, well, now the faculty like me?

Um, okay.

- I'm sorry I keep missing you.

- [VOICEMAIL BEEPS]

[LILY, VOICEMAIL MESSAGE] Um

please don't hurt any animals.

I mean,

I would have said something before I left,

but, um, [LAUGHING],

but, um, I thought you knew.

So okay.

Um, so I'm going to take the later train.

[VOICEMAIL BEEPS]

[HANK, VOICEMAIL MESSAGE]

I missed your call again.

Sorry, it's so noisy here.

I'm out having drinks with the department.

Wish you were here!

Uh oh, why did you change your train?

[VOICEMAIL BEEPS]

[LILY, VOICEMAIL MESSAGE]

Hey, my phone was in my bag.

I wish I saw your call.

Not a great idea to have drinks with them.

You don't like them,

so you should go home,

and I will see you there.

[VOICEMAIL BEEPS]

[HANK, VOICEMAIL MESSAGE] Hey, uh,

why are you on a later train, huh?

It doesn't matter.

It's just take whatever train.

It's just, you know,

there's a certain amount

of planning that goes into

picking someone up at the train station.

It's just Anyway, that's that's all.

[♪♪]

[TEDDY] Hey, Hank's on TV!

Hey, Meg! Turn it up.

Railton College,

a fight broke out

of a very unusual kind,

but what started as a silly prank

ended up being a serious challenge

to the school brass.

Now we are here

at a groundbreaking for a building

that has been paid for by cutting faculty!

[ALL CHEERING] Yes! Yes! Yes!

[HANK, ON REPORT] one of

Railton's beloved geese

I will box a goose a day

until I get my budget fully funded!

Come on!

Did I say all that?

I'm texting her now.

- Texting who?

- Missy.

- Missy who?

- The journalist.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Hey! I was just going to call you!

Why are you still there?

I'm having a drink with Tom and Ashley.

Who? W-What?

I can't hear you.

I am having a drink with Tom and Ashley,

so, um, I'm going to be on a later train.

I'll take a taxi.

[HANK] Yeah, I'll come get you.

Tell me when the train gets in.

Um, I don't know yet.

[HANK] Okay, well, text me when you know.

I'll pick you up.

Just Just tell me when you get here.

Lil? Are you still there?

Um, yep.

Yeah, yeah, I will text you.

Okay, love you, love you.

Okay, uh, what?

Uh

The artwork above the urinals is

I mean, masterpiece.

I need another one of these.

- He still loves bathroom decor.

- He just kissed me.

What?

O-okay, hang on,

that was playing around,

that was not a real kiss.

- Tom

- I thought we were flirting.

Yeah, we were flirting,

and then you ruined it.

I was on the phone with my husband.

Right, I was making a joke.

Who in their right mind would kiss somebody

that was on the phone with their husband?

- That was the joke

- I'm married, you're married.

Actually

We're separated.

It's been a few months.

I was going to tell you.

We tried.

It was a lot of therapy,

not a lot of result.

Well, I'm sorry

but I still feel like

you're not hearing me.

I mean, that?

That [SIGHS]

was not okay.

I'm so sorry.

Okay.

This was so wonderful, you guys

Oh, Lil

but I'm just going to get going, so

bye.

[♪♪]

All right.

There you are,

and this one is for Hank.

Tell him it's on me.

After taking away your classes?

No.

What are you talking about?

It was the administration.

Mm-mm, it was him,

and if tells you that I asked him to,

I'm telling you

that I was just spouting off.

I didn't think he'd go through with it.

Who listens to somebody

ranting at 2:00 a.m.?

[♪♪]

Gracie, um, I've

I've never been a fan of minimalist poetry,

but I gotta say

You are not getting your parking space back.

No, no

- Good to go?

- Yeah, let's go.

Oh, hey, Hank, here you go.

- No, no, I'm fine.

- No?

- Yeah, we're done.

- Hey, guys,

the conquering hero here

- has to go home.

- No, no

No!

- I'm not a hero

- [ALL GROANING IN PROTEST]

- I'm not a hero.

- We're done.

- Yeah

- We're done here.

We are done.

Yeah, right, we're done here, we're done.

We're done here!

- No, we're not done.

- Okay.

You're, uh

- This is the guy from, uh

- Yes.

You think you're pretty funny, huh?

Professor A-hole.

- [BILLIE LAUGHING] Professor A-hole.

- I like that.

Come on, let's

Geese have feelings, too,

all right? Just like us.

Well, they have feelings, but not like us.

- You think that's funny?

- Well, it's factual.

It's a little funny, don't you think?

- You know what I think is funny

- Whoa! Whoa, hey!

- What's going on?

- Whoa! [ALL SHOUTING]

[GROANING] That's as*ault!

You're going to jail!

You're going to jail!

No one is going to jail!

[TONY] God is dead,

and we have k*lled him.

Nietzsche's point

isn't that we should live in despair

of ever finding meaning just because

we've abandoned the magical dogma

of our particular age.

Nietzsche wasn't a nihilist.

"God is dead,

and we have k*lled him."

This is not cause for despair,

but celebration,

for we have been liberated by that m*rder

to do what Nietzsche believed

was the essential task of all our lives

to make meaning

from the world as we find it,

not as we wish it to be.

[VOICEMAIL BEEPS]

[LILY] It just got late,

and so I decided to stay in the city.

Being in New York again,

it feels like I'm back in my 20s,

like there was

There was so much possibility

and surprises, you know.

Anyway, I hope you went home,

like I told you to,

and are curled up in a warm bed,

and have managed

to stay out of the hospital.

Ha, ha.

All right, uh, good night.

[ "IN THE PARK" BY THE JUJUS PLAYING]

I I can see

You and me

Walking hand in hand through the park ♪

I'm gonna keep the clock.

- You want it in the house?

- I always thought of it as a friend.

[GRUNTS]

You didn't mention a department

dinner party.

I did not, I wanted you to come over.

[SCREAMS]

I'm being published in The Atlantic.

June, is it? Tony.

Hi.

- You were flirting with my wife.

- Yeah

Is Hank mad about what happened?

Nothing happened.

[PHONE VIBRATES]

Tom, this isn't a good time.

Hey Julie, it's mom.

She's leaving us.

[♪♪]