04x02 - bestest place on the earth

[bunniefuu]

Ah! Ah!

Boom. Boom. Hey, get back here.

Bang, bang, bang.

Ah! Ah!

Get away from me! Ah!

Oh, no. I didn't mean to
get you. I meant that guy.

Ah! Ah! Ah!

Oh, no, what did you do? I don't know.

Barry!

Monroe, this is my youngest son, Barry.

Ah, hey there, big guy.

Your dad, uh, tells me you're shy.

You gonna be shy with me?

Barry, say hello.

Ah, it's o... Hey. I-I hear
you like, uh, playing army.

You know, your dad and
I used to play army.

- Barry!
- No, it's all right.

No need to pressure him there, John.

Hey, it was nice to meet
you, son. It really was.

You know, maybe one of these days, uh,

you'll let me play army with you, yeah?

What do you mean there's no deal?

I'm saying you guys are asking
me to turn against a friend,

and I can't do that.

But that wasn't us.

You guys were already in a friend fight.

We have a process in motion
of giving you a new life.

- Why would you turn away from that?
- Gentlemen.

I don't think I should say anything else

without my attorney,
Gale Winograde, present.

Gale Winograde is your attorney?

As of this morning, yeah.

I will leave you with this.

Shame on you.

Turning pals into enemies.

It's a d*ck move.

Your daddy's gonna be real mad at me.

And he... he's got every right to be,

so I don't want you
sticking up for me...

I'd, uh, I'd like to introduce myself.

I'm the Raven.

Over there is my associate,
Barry Berkman.

You probably saw him on the news.

He's a badass cop k*ller.

The Raven is connected to
some very heavy hitters.

I can't say who. Let's just say,
they're not Russian, but...

you'd think they were.

- They Chechens?
- Yeah, they're Chechen,

but when the Raven gets outta here,

they're gonna hook him up, and you
could get a piece of the action.

- What's your name, son?
- Jason.

Jason? No.

Raven can't have a Jason.

Need something with more flair.

Live Wire.

- What's your name?
- I'm trying to watch a show.

TV fan, are you? Well, we'll
call you... TV... Groove Tube!

- I don't want a nickname.
- Live Wire and Groove Tube.

Yeah, looks like the Raven
got himself a g*ng.

No, for real, I don't like nicknames.

All right, then you're Jason.

Dude, I'm Jason. My name is Jason.

You're Live Wire, motherfuck!

You're Jason, you're Live
Wire, and I'm the Raven!

That speech was really good.

- Thank you.
- Now, you had...

I've been taking these
acting classes and stuff,

and you knew exactly...
how to play that.

- You're...
- Felt relaxed.

Yeah, felt honest, relaxed.

You know, you weren't pushing it at all.

You were just confident...

Do you like the names
that I came up with?

Yeah.

Yeah. No, those were good.

Figure it'll take this lawyer a long
time to finally spring us, so...

we get ourselves a little
contingent, a little...

- safety in numbers.
- Yeah.

- I'll get 'em in line. Yeah.
- Good.

Can't believe those Feds trying
to talk me into wearing a wire.

Really, I'm... I'm sorry, buddy.

- No, I get it. It's okay.
- Yeah.

Gonna get me a new life.

Witness protection.

And I said, "f*ck off."

I can't do that to family.

Oh, Winograde can meet us at : PM.

- Okay. All right.
- Mm-hmm.

Interested to see what he says.
Apparently, he's a beast.

Bong?

Bong!

Cristobal?

I see you are still in
the shipping business.

What do you want?

A while ago, Hank and I
approached you with a deal.

The crime utopia thing. I remember.

- Played volleyball.
- Yes, well,

we are back in business, my friend,

and we have an operations that
we could use your services for.

It would be an equal share.

Who else is involved?

Well, we are holding a meeting
with, hopefully, you.

And the Guatemalans.

We're at w*r with those m*therf*ckers.

You'll never get us at a table together.

Eh...

I think I can.

If that table happens to be at
the bestest place on the Earth.

Before we start, I have to applaud you.

It's not an easy task,
putting aside differences,

trading out your g*ns
for your listening ears,

then trucking all the way to the Dave

and the Busters here in Torrance.

It takes a strong will
to do such things.

I would know.

Not long ago, I was the
head of the Bolivian cartel.

We were at w*r with the Chechens.

They belittled us, fought us,

stole from us, completely
destroyed our operations.

But now...

We're f*cking.

Not implying that's where
you guys are headed.

I understand Cristobal and I
are total unicorn situation.

The point is, we were able to
put aside a major blood feud

and the only way to do such a thing

is by first admitting
what you don't do well.

By admitting what you need.

See, the Chechens had
style and distribution,

but we were complete
boners at stealing sh*t.

And we were the best of thieves,

but had no idea how to distribute.

And we were too busy blowing
the sh*t out of each other

to realize that we needed each other.

Our strengths could help
each other's weaknesses.

Together, we were stronger.

Together, we are stronger.

Okay, say that sh*t in
your mind right now.

Make it your mantra.

And at first, I get that you
may need to hold your nose

when working with someone who
might have k*lled a close friend

or family member. That sucks, but...

That sh*t will fade away when you
see the amazing bounty of power

that comes with working together.

Now, we have a pitch that
will bring us all together

in a way that we will all profit,

where we will all succeed
beyond our wildest imagination,

but there must be zero bloodshed!

Hello! Can I start you
guys with an appetizer?

Uh, yes, we'll have some jalapeno
poppers for the table, please.

The k*lling must stop!

If the Bolivians and the
Chechens can do it...

we all... can do it.

Yes! Okay, fantastic!

Okay, everyone, everyone, come with me,

and we will all go to the
Wicked Tuna right here.

Right here. Okay, come
with me, come with me.

Look, right over here,
we have the Pac-Man. Huh?

We have the Hungry Hippo.

And we have the Skee-ball...

_

_

_

_

_

_

Berkman, you got a visitor.

Come on, let's go.

- Oh, is it my lawyer?
- Don't know.

I'm sorry.

- Hello. How are you?
- I am really sorry.

How are you?

I f*cked up.

I'm really sorry, Sally.

How's Muffin?

- Who's Muffin?
- Muffin. Our dog, Muffin.

Remember, before you were arrested?

Muffin bit me, and you said you
were gonna find him a new home.

Did you?

I told you what I did to Muffin.

No, you didn't tell me.

That's why I flew all the way here.

- Where's the dog buried?
- Honey, the dog h-has a new home.

The dog's safe.

You got nothing to worry
about. You're okay.

Is that the only thing
you came here for?

Yeah.

Then, why aren't you leaving?

I tried to go home, and...

it was just so awful.

Sally, I didn't... I didn't lie to you.

- You did...
- I didn't lie to you.

You did.

I didn't lie to you. I just...

I didn't tell you the part
I didn't want to be true.

Sally, I'm a piece of sh*t.

You gave me a life I
don't f*cking deserve.

You were so loving to me
and you made me feel...

like a f*cking human.

And it was just you being you.
Just you being Sally.

Why aren't you leaving?

I feel safe with you.

You feel safe with me?
Is that what you said?

You feel safe with me?

Sally.

You feel safe with me?
Is that what you said?

Sally, that's beautiful.

Do you really feel safe with me?

Sally?

Sally, do you feel safe with me?

Do you mean that?

'Cause you are safe with me, Sally.

You're always gonna be safe with me.

Sally, I love you.

Sally, I love you. I love you.

Sally!

I love you.

I love you. And you're always...

You're always safe with me!

- Gene Cousineau?
- Holy sh*t, you got here fast.

You wanna go inside?

What do you drive, a rocket ship?

Or should we go someplace else?

Were you followed?

N-No.

Okay. Listen.

The address is in here.

Once you get there, lock the door.

sh*t.

All right.

Don't lie. You had some fun.

Together.

That's what this is all about, man.

So, why did we bring you here?

It is because of this.

But this is not what you
are thinking. It is...

- It's not heroin.
- Not heroin.

This is sand.

High-quality sand is a hot commodity.

Every construction company needs it

to make their foundation stronger,

more resilient.

First, we will corner the
market in California.

- Then, the entire country.
- But in order to do so,

we need Bong's ports and trucks,

and we need Manny and Jorge's muscle

to make sure the construction
sites are only using our stuff.

Excuse me, we've got this room
for, like, another hour, please!

- Jesus.
- Thank you.

Me and Hank will turn this
into legitimate enterprise.

You'll soon be -to- , assholes.

It will grow in a way
that we can do business

not in the shadows, but in the light.

Call a tailor 'cause
y'all gonna need suits.

We are going to turn
into solid citizens.

It will give us a community,

but most importantly...

it will make us rich.

_

I'd like to propose something
real quick to the fellas.

When it comes to enforcing
and protecting said merch,

sometimes, you need
that ace in the hole.

Ours is top assassin
named Barry Berkman.

Now, homie's in prison.

But you know what we're gonna do?

We're going to break him out.

Prison break !

Hank, what are you doing?

Okay, Barry's Splash
Brothers of assassins.

We need him.

What are you saying?
What are you talking about?

I looked at the prison online.

It's super easy to break into.

- Is this a yoke?
- No, this is not a yoke.

What you are proposing is stupid.

Okay, you're the one who's
talking about f*cking sand.

You said you liked the sand.

Get over here. Get over here.

Ah... Hey, get back here.

Hey, bud. Remember me?

Your dad's friend?

Yeah, he told me to come out here,
tell you it's, uh, time for lunch.

- Okay.
- Okay.

What you got there? Is that
a good guy or a bad guy?

- Bad guy.
- Bad guy.

Cool-ocity. Who fights him?

- Everyone but himself.
- Oh, okay.

- Yeah.
- And the, the yellow guy?

- Is he fighting?
- Yeah.

- Yeah?
- So, he kills the bronze,

winds his arm back,

and then, bling! Whoosh!

And it pushes the other one, and boom!

- Yeah.
- That's cool.

What about the guy in white?
What does he do?

So, he's supposed to be camouflaged,

but it's not snowing...

Sally, I can't be your agent.

Okay, look, I know...
I accused you of a lot of things

that weren't technically true,

so I understand you, personally,
not wanting to work with me,

but if you could just recommend
me to someone, anyone.

Even a small boutique agency.

I mean, I'll read for Waitress
Number Two. I'll do...

Do you read what people
are saying about you

on social media?

No.

Well, now it's going
to mainstream media.

And coming up later in our show,

there's a new development in the
viral "Entitled C-word Girl."

Turns out, her boyfriend was
an entitled K-word. A k*ller.

You need to understand the gravity
of what you're up against here.

It's not just about Natalie's video.

You and Barry are linked.

You're getting called out for
thanking him at your premiere.

People are grabbing images of
the two of you off your Facebook.

But I'm the victim here.

You are no longer Sally Reed.

You're the "Entitled c**t Girl"

who dated a serial k*ller.

It's not like your career is over.

If you wanted, you could have...

a reality show or...

a podcast.

And you would make more money than God.

You have two high-profile strikes
against you, and, on top of that,

you have integrity.

I'm so sorry.

♪ Desperado... ♪

♪ Why don't you come to your senses? ♪

♪ You've been out riding fences ♪

Ah. Take a seat.

♪ For so long now ♪

♪ Oh, you're a hard one ♪

♪ But I know that... ♪

So, can I interview you now?

The only reason I brought you here

is because I just can't
have more attention.

I can't be in the spotlight.

So, I'm gonna tell you the story,

just once, only to you,
for "Vanity Fair."

And I'm gonna tell it to you
in the only way I know how.

♪ Don't your feet get cold... ♪

sh*t.

Mister! Mister, please!

I need to be in the theater!
Don't close the theater!

Hey, I am so sorry,

but my class is the most
sought after in this city.

It's... It's full. Just scram.

No! I-I-I need to be in that theater!

You know, I just came back from the w*r.

It did somethin' terrible to me.

Yeah, a-and the word on the street
is you don't just teach acting.

You save lives!

If I don't get into that theater,

I'm gonna go home, and kablam!

Not on my watch, son.

Not on my watch.

And that was the first day
that I met Barry Berkman.

Now, he came to me like
most of my students.

He was eager. He was dumb.

So, what did I do?

I got into his brain and I set up shop.

And pretty soon...

he opened like a flower.

And then one day,

like Siegfried...

or Roy...

he turned on me,

like an ungrateful tiger.

So you handle a lot of cases like this?

Is this an audition?
I don't do auditions.

No, no. Everyone knows
you're one of the best.

Yeah. f*cking ask me to audition.

I don't know whether
Cousineau wore a wire or not,

but if he did,

they have Barry on there
saying he k*lled Janice Moss.

I have an audio engineer.
I bring him up in front of the jury.

He records me saying bullshit,
like, "How much is this mop?

Why is my hot dog wet?"
Ring Around the Rosie nonsense.

And then he cuts it up,
mixes it live, he plays it back,

and it comes out as me
saying incriminating sh*t

my client supposedly said.

"I k*lled X guy on Y day." Whatever.

- Cool.
- Yeah.

I also had this other assh*le.

He said he sh*t somebody
outside of a club.

They had him on video.
I said it was deepfaked.

So, I had my nerd put my face
on the sh**t, and then I said,

"Oh, no. Looks like I did it,"
you know? And then,

I put my hands behind my back
like I was gettin' cuffed.

f*ckin' jury laughed so hard.

I k*lled it that day.

Was he the sh**t?

Sure.

So, where the hell is Berkman, huh?

You k*lled a cop.
Why should you get a deal?

I got a lot to offer.

- We don't want Fuches.
- Is he still mad at me?

We need the other jobs you pulled.

I can give you the Chechens,
Bolivians, all the LA gangs.

I used to be in their network.

You worked for international
crime syndicates?

Uh-huh.

I just got one request.

What's that?

Can I take someone with me?

Okay. So, I successfully
escape from a trunk.

I survived a wild pack of dogs.

I go home and there he is.

His arm around my grandson.

Death in his eyes.

And then I realize...
he's not in charge.

I am.

I know how to press those buttons.

Hey, I installed them.

I love you, Barry.

You do?

You betcha.

Can you say it again?

Sure, why not? I love you.

Mr. Cousineau, I would do
anything for your forgiveness.

The next time I see him,

he's got his hat firmly in his hand,

and in the other hand,

a bag filled with $ , cash.

Then, the dope looked at me and said...

I will do anything for your
forgiveness, Mr. Cousineau.

Oh, you will, fuckface.

You will.

Wow. I, uh, I got more than
I bargained for with that.

That was an amazing story.

It was long. It was... But,
it was an amazing long story.

Well, I laid it out as
honestly as I could.

So, uh, Barry took you hostage,
got your career back on track,

and then you punched him in the face.

And then, you and Jim Moss
teamed up, and you busted him.

That's about the size of it.

I'm an anonymous source, right?

- Yes.
- Hush-hush?

- Hush-hush.
- Great! Let me walk you out.

Now, if you wanna talk about the show,

you can talk about the show. Fine.

But just don't say who the actor was

or who the director or the writer is

or any of those kind of things
because that could be bad.

Why didn't you tell me about Barry?

How could you know and not warn me?

Oh, uh, he kidnapped me.

Uh, he threatened me.

H-He threatened my family. I...

I was the one living with him!

And you're telling me that
you didn't see one sign?

No.

Sally. We're both victims here.

He was obsessed with us.
He treated us like superstars.

As actors, that's really hard to resist.

But it's over.

So why did you really come?

I don't know.

I do. It's home.

Listen to me.

When the world is against you,

your back is against the wall,

there is only one thing you can do.

- What?
- Teach.

Barry! What's going on, man?

Winograde is waiting for us...

Who the hell are you?

I'm Tomas.

Wha... Where's the guy who was in here?

I'm Tomas.

I don't give a f*ck what your name is!

Where is the guy who is
supposed to be in here?!

They said he got moved
to special housing.

But I'm Tomas.

Hank.

I can't do this alone.
You embarrassed me today.

From now on, you need
to clear sh*t with me

before just saying it to the guys, yeah?

We need to be a team here.

It's bad optics.

I'm super onboard with
this sand sh*t, okay?

Then why are you bringing up Barry?

I thought we could use him.

- Be honest with me.
- Honest about what?

Why are you bringing up Barry?

Barry's in prison. Okay?

He needs our help.

I love you, Hank.

I want you to hear that.

But I think it's sh*t like this
why people think you are soft.

Barry doesn't care about you.

He never has.

I feel like I understand him now.

Understand him? How?

I need to take this.

- Hello?
- When you're honest,

- you get f*cked.
- Fuches?

Love will lead you to ruin.

Are these song titles?

Barry betrayed me.

Are you with him?

Okay, listen, I think I figured
out a way to get you guys out.

I showed him how I really felt.

- He betrayed me.
- How?

Hm.

I had a sweet deal with
the FBI, but I didn't do it

'cause I wanted to do right
by that kid for a change.

I just found out he took it.

H-He's telling them everything.

Maybe I deserve this, you know?

Barry's working with the FBI?

I don't know who to turn to, Hank.
I mean, you know him.

Why would he do that to me?

- Who was that?
- We have to k*ll Barry.