02x04 - Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

[bunniefuu]

[second movement of Schubert's
Piano Trio No. playing]

♪

[electronic chime]

[turns off music]

DAVE:
♪ Kareem Abdul♪

♪ Kareem Abdul-Jabbar♪

♪ These hooks got me scoring♪

-♪ See me coming from afar♪
-♪ Hey♪

-♪ Kareem Abdul♪
-♪ Hey, hey♪

-♪ Kareem Abdul-Jabbar♪
-♪ Hey♪

-♪ Hey♪
-♪ This is my lane♪

-♪ Let me show ya how to ball♪
-♪ Ah, yeah.♪

[alarm clock ringing]

[moans softly]

[alarm clock continues ringing]

[yawns]

[beeping continues]

[moans softly]

[alarm shuts off]

Uh...

[gasps]
Oh, my God!

No, it's okay.
I'm just peeing sitting down.

-[urine spattering]
-No poop.

How's your back?

Oh, it's turning into
something different.

I need a little privacy.
Sorry.

Oh, f*ck.

-[Dave grunts]
-Okay.

What are we doing,
hospital corners?

-No.
-What's your process?

-I got it.
-Meet me in... All right.

-Just like this.
-Whew!

Uh, did you sleep okay?

Oh, my God,
I was like Rumpelstiltskin.

Are you kiddin'? It was great.

Slept like a baby under a rock.

Here, I got it, I got it.

All right, I'll let you, uh...

tend to the--
oh, my God, Monchichi!

It's been so long
since I've seen you. What?

Yeah, Mama's been doing dr*gs.

-Oxys, I think, maybe speed.
-Uh, Dave, I...
I've got to go to work.

-Is there anything else
that you need, or...?
-I'm just talking to Monchichi.

Oh, whoa.
What are youdoing here?

I slept on the couch--
no funny business.

I was just tending
to her, uh,

-back issue.
-I see.

ALLY:
No.

There's nothing to see.

I see.

ALLY:
Okay.

Hey, how would you feel about
hanging out more intentionally?

Say... tomorrow night?

Uh, I... You know what?

Tomorrow
I actually have a thing.

-I got a work... work thing.
-Oh.

You know, my Instagram stalking
has showed me

that you now teach
seventh graders.

-Yes.
-Uh, do you, like,
find yourself working more

because they have a higher level
of consciousness?

No. No.

Uh, it's just that
t-tomorrow after school

I'm hosting
this fundraising event

-for the kids.
-Oh, cool.

-That's awesome.
-Yeah, they cut

the funding
for the arts program,

and I'm trying to save it,

-but it's whatever.
-Not cool.

EMMA:
Talk your sh*t, girl.

-I gotta... I gotta go.
-If I... Okay.

I'd love to hear more.
But what about Thursday?

-Maybe. Maybe.
-Okay, I'll text you.

-I'll get in your calendar.
-Okay.

-Okay, say bye to Monchichi.
-Bye.

[groans]
Bye.

Hmm, you deserve
a proper goodbye.

Okay, for real, though.

Did you guys hook up?

No.

I actually vomited on her.

I don't even want to know more.

What? You know everything.
I just told you.

Mm-mm.

Okay.

[engine roaring on video game]

[grunts]

MIKE:
Kareem heard your song.

Huh? What song?

Who's Kareem?

Are you serious, Dave?

Kareem Abdul-Jabber heard
"Kareem Abdul-Jabber."

-No, he didn't.
-Yeah.

-His manager just emailed me.
-Wow!

-Mm-hmm.
-It's been out
for a year and a half.

-He's hearing it now?
-He's , Dave.

Kareem the Dream?

The leading scorer
in NBA history?

-That's the guy.
-Is sitting over there
listening to LD?

Wait till he hears
your debut album Penith.

-If you ever write it.
-Yeah, I'm sure
he's gonna love it.

Man, the piss is just,
it's sh**ting out of my d*ck

right now
with this new information.

Good job, Mike. Way to... I
don't know if you did anything,

-but good job.
-I did.

Ah, man! Unbelievable.

Yeah, he wants
to meet you today.

What is with this doorknob?

He wants to meet me today?

Yeah, today.

This is-- Ah! What a dream!

The man made of silk?

-Uh-huh.
-And me?

What are we gonna do?
This is unbelie...

I'm gonna touch his head and...

kiss-- I might kiss his face.

-Don't...
-I got to piss so fu...

-Don't touch or kiss him, Dave.
-Hey.

What's with the bathroom door?
It's not opening.

-Turn the knob.
Try turning it the other way.
-I turned it, so...

Can you fix this?

I'm not the handyman, Dave.

Look. I'm running errands all
day, so I'll-I'll figure it out.

-I'll take care of it, okay?
-I'm gonna go outside

and piss on an anthill

and watch them all burn.

-Okay.
-Kareem!

Bruh, why the f*ck you got us
eating this American food, bro?

I was just at this
Ethiopian spot the other day.

That sh*t was fine!
I mean, I'm telling you,

like, super fine, bro.
And I just found out

that it's in Ethiopia, bro.

What-what does that...
What do you-- No, they're...

It's now in Ethiopia.

Man, you got to respect it, bro.

They doing their own thing
over there.

-Why are we eating this sh*t?
-Okay, I-I don't know

what you're talking about,
but we're eating at this place

because my clients wanted

-to meet me here, so...
-Your clients?

How the f*ck
you got new clients, bro?

You didn't even check
my music out yet.

I'm posting my sh*t
all in the comments,

-tweeting at reality shows.
-I know. Gata, it...

it slid on my desk--
I didn't even go looking for it.

-It just happened to be.
-[scoffs] Oh, wow, so you
just moguling up out here,

-you and your boss sh*t, huh?
-True.

MAN:
Attention, attention, everyone.

This establishment
is being shut down immediately.

All right, we found out
they're serving horse meat.

-All right?
-[excited chatter]

God, please don't eat that.
Thank you.

We're gonna get this all
checked out.

We're gonna analyze it.

-Nothing to worry about.
-What?

-What the hell is going on?
-These sandwiches right here,

-right here, everybody...
-No. Stop. Listen.
I'm losing business!

What are you doing!?

-Horsemeat.
-You are ruining my life!

[laughing]:
Bro! Bro, it's a prank!

-Yo, it's a prank, bro!
-Got eem!

-Dude, it's all fake.
It's a prank.
-Yo, Mike, yo!

Yo.

-What's up, Mike?
-Dude, we got him, bro,
we got him!

Very good, guys.

These are The Stone Twins.
These are my clients.

-They're huge on TikTok.
-Yo, how'd it look?

-GATA: Wow.
-It looked good.

I'm gonna have to get some
signatures, because-- Right?

-Yeah.
-GATA: You mean to tell me y'all

f*ck with people for a living,

put it on the Internet
and get paid?

-Yeah.
-Yeah, it's our main thing,
but we also do challenges

-and dances.
-Ah, that's some
white people sh*t for real.

-But I respect the gander
y'all got going.
-Thanks, man.

Uh, Gata's Lil Dicky's hype man.

Bro, he's a f*cking legend.

-He's a legend.
-That's why we signed with Mike.

Oh, yeah, that's cool, but
I'm not just a hype man, though.

I really be rappin',
doing my sh*t, too.

That's so fire. Yo, let us
shout you out on IG real quick,

Oh, yeah, I'm gonna get y'all
on my sh*t, too.

Ah, dude, we're gonna boost
you up, bro. Let's go.

Oh, hell yeah.
Hey, I'm already...

[Gata, Brody and Cody
all taking at once]

Dude's got bars, bro...

Oh, my God, that's, like, Barack
Obama gave you this thing,

didn't he? This is...

That's a real MVP trophy.
How many MVPs have you won?

-Six.
-Six?

That's right.

Geez Louise. You still hoop?

No.

I mean, look at these shorts.
They're so tight.

Like, aren't things, like,
flying and flopping around?

-And, I mean, the goggles...
-Can I offer you something
to drink?

I'd love a tall drink of water.

You know where I can find one?

Just messin' around.
This is from the era when guys

were, like, you know,
going around dribbling

like this, you know,
and they're just, like...

You got Cousy
running around, and...

I feel like there were, like,

Jewish men in the league
back then.

Hey, how do you go about
picking a Muslim name?

Like, how, like...

what is that process?

Let's go sit down.

Yeah.

All right.

Wow, what a foyer. Or "foy-yay."

-Oh, thanks.
-Yeah.

What do you even do all day?

Well, these days
I spend a lot of time writing.

Please, have a seat.

Players' Tribune?

I'm talking to them about,
uh, doing, like, a cartoon

with Rajon Rondo.

That's a crazy name:
Rajon Rondo.

-I wonder if he's, uh...
-No,

I-I, uh, actually write
about social issues.

-Oh.
-I'd love to write

about you and your song.

[sniffs] Hold on a minute,
I'm gonna go get some tea.

Okay.

Social issues?

"By Kareem Abdul-Jabbar."

[teakettle whistling]

"Race." "Privilege."

"Lena Dunham"?

Is this the same Kareem?

-[whistling loudly]
-DAVE: How does he write
all these articles?

If you don't mind,

I'm gonna record
this conversation.

Oh, uh, is this...
is this an interview?

Yeah.

[beep]

DAVE:
Okay.

What do you want to, uh...

discuss?

I'd like to know
what your inspiration was

for superimposing your face...

on my body.

Sure. Uh...

And just so you know,
it's, uh, not just my face,

it's not just my facial skin--
it was, like, my whole, uh...

skull and cranial...

It was... So...

like, it's not, uh...

it's not...

...blackface.

What would you call it?

Black-body?

Mm...

maybe.

I... It's Kareem-body.

You know?

Your body is, like, a sanctum.

It's, like, it's-it's, uh...

it's so storied,

and so it's more an homage
to your-your, like,

your physical being,
not anything racial.

[whispers]:
Kareem... body.

And by the way,
I am so down to admit

that, like, looking back,

m-maybe not the best decision,
you know?

Uh, you should know I made it,
like, a year and a half ago,

and back then I wasn't a r*cist,
but I certainly wasn't

nearly as anti-r*cist
as I am today.

With...

Um, so, but it was,
you know, uh...

By the way, this-- You didn't
say "on the record" ever,

I hope you know.

So none of this is,
uh, permissible.

[coughs, burps]
There are...

sanctions.

-I would hate to...
-Strictly speaking,

unless someone says
it's off the record,

it's on the record.

Can I say something
off the record real quick?

Yeah.

I'm high.

Uh, I didn't know
that this was, like, gonna be

this at all,
and I kind of, like,

you know, mentally treated this

like going to, like, a IMAX
or, like-- I was so excited.

And I'm working on that,
having to smoke for joy.

-I would never even call it
a shtick. I'm just saying...
-There's a lot more,

-uh, of-of a conversation
to be had...
-[overlapping chatter]

Around acne right now...

...tons of nuance
to this whole thing.

I used to read
the Harry Potterbooks.

Never watched a documentary.

Have you ever heard of Babylon?

[overlapping chatter]

Tomorrow. What are you doing?

'Cause maybe we spend the day
together, and I'll show you

the real me, and you can write,
like, a full-on profile on me.

No one's ever done that.

Uh, if you're available.

Okay. You know, I was
just gonna write a blurb on you

about my name in-in your song.

-Oh.
-But, uh,

if you want to do a deep dive,
that's fine.

That'll give me a chance
to dig deeper.

Cool.

That's great.

Hope you like... Jews.

I'm saying,
I just don't get it. I--

Like, you eat sugar, like,
for every single meal

and you weigh, like, pounds.

-Just-- And you're cut.
-Right. Uh-huh.

You have an eight-pack.
It's gross.

I have a one-pack
for the rest of my life.

That's true.
What the f*ck?!

Be careful, man.
There's eggs in there.

You ain't gonna believe this,
bro.

I got a audition
for Rhythm + Flow,dawg.

-Are they rebooting
a Terrence Howard pimp movie?
-This has

nothing to do with pimpin',
simpin' and limpin', bro.

-"Pimpin', simpin' and limpin'"?
-This is way bigger than that.

Ten times bigger than that.
This is American Idol

for rappers, dawg.
Like, you don't understand

how big this is for me.

Honestly, I'm proud of you, man.
That's...

-God's at work, huh?
-Bro,

-don't bring God in this.
I'm blessed.
-Right. Right.

Hey, remember.
I'm gonna be on Rhythm + Flow.

You're gonna be on Rhythm
+ Flow.I've got it locked in.

-[knob rattling]
-Oh, Gata, Gata,

the-the knob is broken. I got
to get it fixed today, so...

Man, don't worry about it, Mike.
I got a migo at the car shop.

I'm-a get it fixed.
He got all the tools.

-[door opens forcefully]
-Whoo!

Wonderful. Perfect.

DAVE:
That's fine.

That's okay.

That's fine. Oh, here's one.

"If being attracted
to -year-old girls is illegal,

then send me straight
to Azkaban."

Wh-- Delete that. Oh, my God.

-You tweeted that at some point?
-I'm just saying,

like, you can tell when
a -year-old girl is, like,

-destined to be hot.
-Blah, blah, blah.

-Don't. No.
-What does that even mean?

Mike, how the f*ck
do you send me

to this guy's house, high,

having no idea
it's a f*cking interview?

We can have
a deeper conversation about that

at another time, because
I myself am very high now.

I just need to show this guy
that I'm a good person.

-Nah.
-You could just be
a good person.

-[laughs]
-I am a good person.

What do you mean?
Of course I'm a good person.

He's just not around me enough
to, like, understand

my added value, socially.

Did you really tweet

-"Can nonbinary people
f*ck themselves?"
-Yeah.

It's a brilliant tweet.
What's wrong with that tweet?

Do you even know
what "nonbinary" means?

I understand what it means.
Like, they can f*ck them--

Like, if you don't understand,
I don't know what to tell you.

And it's brilliant.
And I'm a good person.

But I will delete it,
because I'm being scrutinized

by a seven-foot-three man
made of silk.

I don't know how I'm gonna spend
an entire day with Kareem

without saying something crazy.
It's not possible.

I don't know how you'll last
an hour, to be honest.

-That's what I'm saying.
-No. You guys, shut up.

You've won the hearts
of many people

that should have hated you
so many times.

Like who?

I'm sorry. I'm very high.
I was rambling.

-But-but this is gonna be
a good press opportunity.
-[Emma laughs]

I'm gonna get f*cking crucified.

[birds singing]

Hey.

Hey, Dave. What's up?

Just, uh, enjoying

the, uh... the weather.

The climate is, uh...

Awesome out here, isn't it?

-Surviving today. Yeah.
-Yeah.

Although, obviously,
politically and, um,

meteorologically, it's...

been a challenge.

And will continue to be
a challenge.

Thank you for meeting me here.

Not a problem.

-Let me get, uh...
-[beep]
-On the record.

-Yes. We're on the record.
-Yes.

-Okay.
-That's how it has to be.

That's okay.

Okay. So, look, Dave,

hip-hop is a very crowded space
these days.

Yeah.

What do you bring to the table?

Great question.

Uh, I...

am me.

You know? I'm, like, my
unapologetic self at all times,

and I think that's very clear
when you listen to my music,

that I'm very authentic.

Well, you know,
you speak with a blaccent

in your music,

but you don't sound anything
like that right now.

I'm unfamiliar with the phrase
"blaccent." Um...

I'm not offended by it.
I'm just-- I'm, um...

I just think that,

if I was, like, really rapping
exactly how I'm talking,

I'd be the only one
that sounded that way,

and it'd look like I was, like,

you know, making fun of everyone
else in the rap community,

being like, "Here's how I rap,

and I'm going to get a java."

So let me get this straight.

You're more concerned

with offending
the hip-hop community

than you are the general public?

No.

I like, uh...
I'm very cause... al.

I'm very causal.

I...

GH, for example.

GH?

Genital herpes.

Um, 'cause I'm trying
to destigmatize it.

There's a--
there's a huge stigma.

One in six people have it, and
it's like-- people act like,

if you have it,
it's the worst thing ever.

And we don't hook up with people

and we make 'em feel
like leopards.

It's like chicken pox.

Do we, like, go up to kids
who have chicken pox

and say, "Get out of here,
I'm not gonna suck you"?

Uh, I'm very...

advocate...

of all things.

My mom sends me, like, a summary
of, like, the current events,

because, like, CNN.com,
the format is just unbearable.

I don't know
how people read that website.

Like, get better art direction.

And "wifebeater,"

what an antiquated phrase
that is.

It's like calling
a-a sweatshirt a r*pist, no?

-[shuts off engine]
-[grunts]

g*dd*mn it.

-I'm sorry about that, Kareem.
-My God.

I would've ordered us
a bigger car,

but, until Uber's unionized,

I can't even consider something
like that. Drives me nuts.

You know, I'm--
It's claustrophobic, man.

I don't like being in a place
where it's too small.

-You know?
-I hear you. Completely.
Maybe, on the way back,

you could, like,
lie flat across the back.

I don't know if the windows
being cracked helps or...

Uh, hey,
would you mind giving me a hand?

-What?
-Yeah. Just-- I just...

[grunts]: Yeah. I know we were
in the middle or something,

but...

just something
I've been doing lately

in terms of... raising, uh,

funds and money
for the community.

If you want to roll in there, we
could, uh, surprise these kids.

No, actually, I-I have some,
uh, phone calls I have to make.

You don't want to come in?

I really got to make
these calls. You know...

Okay. If you're worried
about them swarming you,

they're more
of an Anthony Davis community.

Hi, Melanie. How you doing?

DAVE:
All right.

KAREEM:
Yeah.

-Exactly.
-I'll be back in a few minutes.

I wonder what your thoughts are
on that.

ALLY:
And I know fundraising

is never easy,

but we live in L.A.!

And while that has
its quirks, uh,

it also has tons
of wealthy people.

-[chuckling]
-Right?

But, seriously,
if anybody you know

who works in the arts
or in music...

♪ Hello, everybody♪

♪ Here comes the man♪

♪ With the funding in his hand♪

[weakly]: ♪ For the arts
program, art...♪

-Arts?
-Uh... [chuckles]

Uh, let's... get in
on that pizza,

-everybody!
-Where are the kids?

-What are you doing here?
-Hi.

There's pizza? Is there
buffalo chicken pizza here?

I don't think, like,
a bank will accept one of these,

so I do have a very legitimate,
real check right here.

-There you go.
-I--

Dave, I can't accept that.
I'm not--

-This whole thing...
-What? It's my pleasure.

-It's...
-For the kids.

For the kids.

-Thank you.
-Sure.

I've actually left out
the most important detail.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is outside
right now, in my car.

He's writing a profile on me.
If I brought him in,

I'm pretty sure
that everyone's pockets would...

So this is-- You're doing this

because someone is writing
an article about you?

-That... makes sense.
-No. I-I'm doing it

-for you.
-No, I-I didn't ask for this.

I'm-I'm unhappy
that you did this.

All I was trying to do is show

a supportive gesture
of friendship.

Dave, the other night,
when you came over,

that-that was the first time

we've seen each other
in four months.

Like, I would not qualify us
as friends.

-We should be.
-Oh!

We should be friends.
I don't understand.

How long are we gonna not talk,
forever?

Can't we just not f-f*ck
and, like... [stammers]

-...and, like, matter
to each other? Like...
-Dave, if you took sex

out of our relationship,

it doesn't just become
friendship all of a sudden.

Okay? It would be me

being your human
emotional support animal.

I didn't realize
sex was so impactful

-in terms of-- I'm just kidding.
-Oh, my God.

Okay, Al, I did not mean to have
this conversation right now.

Like, I didn't mean
to do this at your work.

I am sorry for that.

What if you came over after work

-and we just, like, talked
about ever...
-No. No.

We're not gonna talk
because you want to talk.

This is all of the same sh*t
all over again.

You're soself-centered, still.

[stammers]
This is exactly why,

even when I-- when I loved you,

I did not like you.

Uh... 'kay.

Noted.

[door creaks]

-[birds chirping]
-[thumping]

[sighs]

Hey. What's up, y'all?

-[exhales]
-Davionte Ganter?

Damn. Yeah. That's me.

All right.
[clears throat]

Welcome to the Rhythm + Flow
auditions.

We're just gonna get you on tape
for the judges.

All right, look.
Check this out. Look.

♪ Hey, yo, I'm far from good,
I'm more close to perfect♪

♪ They around the corner
and I'm around the Earth♪

-♪ Kid...♪
-Great. Great.

As you know,
R + Fis filmed in front

of a live studio audience.

So the audition process
is a little different.

-All right.
-MAN : We're gonna give you
a couple words,

and we just want you
to freestyle for us.

Like... free...
All right, freestyle.

-MAN : Yeah, you know.
-All right, cool.

Gluten free.

All right. [clears throat]

♪ My guy Gluten just got out,
he free♪

♪ What does he really need
from me?♪

♪ Uh... probably some advice♪

♪ To live life♪

♪ Everybody want to know me...♪

-N-Next topic. Android.
-Uh...

Android. All right.

♪ My guy Android just got out♪

♪ Hopefully, he can get a job♪

♪ He working on a plan♪

♪ To change his life♪

♪ 'Cause he trying to...♪

Damn.

Y'all got me making...

using words that don't even
fit my, uh... my profile.

Man, I don't even look like I'll
even use these words, but...

-Y'all got another word, man?
-[laughs]

Got eem!

-Oh, bro.
-Oh, man.
-Hold on. What the f*ck?!

-Bro, you got pranked so hard.
-Gata,

-come on, dude.
-Wait. This is y'all two?

How are you so bad
at freestyling, though?

I mean, you said
you really do this.

Y'all think
I'm a f*cking joke?

-Bro, it's gonna get views, man.
-Bro, it's a prank.
It was never meant...

f*cking views, n*gga.
What about my emotions, n*gga?

-Bro, I swear...
-Man, f*ck all that, bro.

-Bro, chill out, bro.
-Just chill out.

-Hey. sh*t, dude.
-[groans]

-[groaning]
-CODY: It's funny, bro.

BRODY:
It's just a prank.

GATA:
Hey, prank these nuts, n*gga.

CODY:
It's a prank.

[glass shatters]

Waste of my f*cking time.

[sighs]

Okay. Um, just a couple
more questions.

Sure.

Are you okay?

Just write whatever
you want about me.

I-I can't be this person
for that,

and that person for this person.
It's...

I am who I am, so...

just call it how you see it.

Do youthink
you're a good person?

Honestly, my biggest fear is
that I'm not.

You know, I have
this constant vision

where I'm dead,

and I'm, like, floating up
to heaven or whatever,

and I get there, and God's
laughing at me, and he's like,

"Is that what you thought
the whole point of life was?"

Because I know
that I'm so singularly focused

on this...
chasing my legacy type of thing

and being this great artist
and all that, but it's, like,

obviously, that's not, like,
what life is about.

But at the same time,

if I don't give my all into
being that, I'll never be that,

and I'll never figure out
my album.

And I also see these DMs
from kids, and they're like,

"Hey, Lil Dicky, I'm depressed,

"and when I listen to
your music, I'm a little less,

and, like, thank you for that."

And, like, that really happens,

and that's what
the point of life is, right,

to, like, do good.

And I feel like
the bigger I get,

the more good I can do,
so, it's, like, by my logic,

the way that I can do
the most good on Earth is

by becoming the biggest artist
in the world, you know?

Like, so I have to be selfish.

It's my destiny or whatever.

[laughs]

Dave,

that's the most creative excuse
for being narcissistic

I've ever heard.

That's pretty good, though.
[laughs]

Thanks. Well, I'm happy
you liked it. Uh...

You're funny, boy,
I'll tell you that.

I appreciate that.

I got to use the restroom.
Where?

It's over there.

[door opens]

-[sighs]
-[door closes]

[door bangs open]

Mike, where the f*ck
you at, bro?

Mike, you got some explaining
to do, m*therf*cker!

-Whoa. Hey.
-Mike, where you at?

Mike, you red-headed p*ssy,
where the f*ck you at?

-Mike? Mike, where you at, bro?
-Gata.

-Gata. Chill.
-Man, you f*cking
played me, dog.

-Shh. Kareem is here.
-How you gonna do me like

-like that, bro? We supposed
to be boys, man.
-Relax. Relax. Relax.

-How you gonna prank me
like that, bro?
-Kareem is here.

-Chill out. Gata, relax.
-Come on. I trusted you, bro.

-Hey.
-Waste of my f*cking time.
-Gata, I had no idea that...

-MIKE: Gata.
-GATA: Biggest chance to fame,
bro.

DAVE:
Gata, stop.

MIKE:
I didn't know they were
gonna prank you.

-GATA: They pranked me, bro.
-MIKE: I know.

-They never f*cking
told me, bro.
-Hey, Dave?

Is there something wrong
with your door?

[indistinct,
overlapping chatter]

Hey, Dave, come on, man!

I don't like being
in a small space like this!

-Stop. Stop.
-Man, f*ck all that, bro.

This n*gga's a buster, n*gga.

-Relax. Relax. I had no idea.
-Stop.

-I'm just their manager.
-Stop. Stop.

They don't tell me anything.

You're just whose manager?

You didn't even tell him.

No, I didn't, 'cause
I didn't have a chance to.

I-I'm... They're just
TikTok stars, and a...

-He got a new client, bro.
-It's a side project.

It's not like
you're making music anyway.

It's not gonna impact
our business at all.

What do you mean, it's not gonna
affect our business?

Maybe if you weren't on TikTok,
I would have known

Kareem was a f*cking journal...

[loud knocking]

Is that door not fixed?

First of all, Gata said he could
fix the door. I asked him...

Hey, Kareem,
you having trouble in there?

KAREEM:
What's going on with the door?

Yeah, it's this, uh, knob thing.

KAREEM:
Well, does it open or what?

DAVE:
Try twisting it.

Let me out of here, man!

[indistinct,
overlapping shouting]

-Kareem, don't worry about it.
-You're the one that said...

How the f*ck did you not
fix this door? Uh...

He said he knew someone that
could fix the f*cking door!

GATA:
I work for Dave, not for you.

Kareem, I'm just gonna ram
in there, okay,

so back up, Kareem.

I asked one person
to fix the f*cking door.

All of that is just
g*dd*mn bullshit, bro.

-GATA: Come on, man.
-Let me out.

GATA:
A real man ain't

gonna walk away. Stay in here

-and talk about this sh*t, man.
-No, dude.

When you say you're gonna
do something...

You're the one that said you're
gonna fix the f*cking door.

[indistinct chatter]

-[yells]
-GATA: Trying to do sh*t
with that Kn*fe, bro.

-Hey, hey. What is going on?
-Go put that f*cking Kn*fe
down, bro.

-Hey, Ally.
-Your rams are coming out...

-What the f*ck is happening?
-Back up.

Kareem, I have a Kn*fe, and

-I'm gonna jimmy the door.
-No! No!
-[shouting]

Stop! You're gonna hurt him!
Stop!

No. My machine! My machine!

ALLY:
Oh.

-[Kareem groaning]
-Uh...

-Oh, God! [groans]
-[Dave whimpers]

-[groans, inhales sharply]
-Oh, God. Ugh.

-KAREEM: Ow! [groans]
-Oh, my God.

Oh.

It's okay. We're gonna call
the ambulance. Uh...

-[groans]
-DAVE: Kicked in...
-MIKE: The pressure

from the door-- it snapped open,

-and then there was... blood.
-Was blood.

-A lot of blood.
-Uh, uh...

I-I don't know if he'll, like...
[sighs]

MIKE:
There's no way he's gonna die.

Right? There's no way
he gonna die.

-[phone chimes repeatedly]
-BRODY: Yo, we got Gata.

-f*ck.
-We got our boy Gata in here.

We got a good prank
for you guys.

-Yeah, bro. Yeah, bro.
-Swipe up.

-Swipe up and watch this.
-Comment down below.

-How good did we get him?
-What the hell?

These followers crazy, bro.

This sh*t nuts, boy.

Damn.

Hey, y'all, swipe up
on this video, man.

I just got pranked
by The Stone Twins.

Make sure y'all tap in,
swipe up, share the video.

[garbled radio transmission]

Hi. Uh...

You forgot
to sign the check, so...

Oh. Okay. Sorry.

How do I even...?
So tricky when it's not a big...

Oh. Thank you.

I will avoid your wound.

-[clears throat]
-So,

you're still just as mad at me?

-Yeah.
-Okay.

But it's not just that.

I'm... [sighs]

I really wasn't ready
to see you the other night,

so I am upset at myself
for letting you in,

but that's my...

Are you-you...?

-You're done, right?
-Oh, yeah. Sorry.

I was just intensely
listening to...

Here you go.

But that's my stuff,
and I-I took it out on you,

and I was mean,
and I'm sorry for that.

Totally forgiven.
Don't even...

But you can't ambush me
like that.

-No, I can't.
-Like, the other day or today.

-Like...
-I agree. I'm sorry. That was...

I really am sorry.

'Cause, listen,
if we're gonna be friends, it...

it's not gonna be this
only-on-Dave's-terms thing.

-No, throw that...
-Okay?

-It's a new...
-New regime.

-New regime.
-You're the queen
of that regime.

-Yeah.
-I will do whatever
you say, honestly,

-to make this friendship work.
-Dave, this is $ , .

Oh, yeah. I tweaked the check.

-Um...
-[laughing]: Are you trying

to buy my friendship?

Yeah, I was, and it worked.

-You know,
it's for the kids, so...
-Thank you.

-...happy to...
-No. Seriously.

-Oh.
-Hey, I'm just gonna deal
with this real quick.

-Yeah. Is he gonna be okay?
-Yeah. I don't know.

I thought he was made of silk,

but it's more like
uncooked pasta.

-[Kareem groans softly]
-Okay.

-ALLY: Ugh.
-Guys need a hand?

No?

[groans]

Kareem, I am so sorry
that this happened.

I know the article's
the last thing on your mind,

but if you need me to...

Hey, I'm not writing an article.

No?

You are not.

I'm not...?

Hey, man,
get-get me out of here.

Get me out of here, man.

I'm not...

[indistinct chatter]

[engine starts]

-No article.
-[siren toots]

♪ I Kareem Abdul♪
-♪ Hey♪

-♪ Kareem Abdul-Jabbar♪
-♪ Bar♪

♪ These hooks got me scorin',
see me comin' from afar♪

-♪ Hey, ooh♪
-♪ Kareem Abdul♪

-♪ Ooh, ah♪
-♪ Kareem Abdul-Jabbar♪

-♪ Ker, ker♪
-♪ This is my lane♪

♪ Let me show you
how to ball♪

♪ I don't got to fake no sh*t,
I just got a text from Quavo♪

-♪ I was elated, ecstatic♪
-♪ It's Quavo♪

♪ I've never done a**l,
that's unrelated♪

♪ Everything I do debated
and hated, disputed♪

♪ Viewed in America, I walk a
benny where I cause hysteria♪

♪ I was in Paris,
they thought I was Spanish♪

♪ I still ate the p*ssy
like cervical cancer♪

♪ I remember when I couldn't
jerk off to threesomes♪

♪ 'Cause it felt
too unrealistic♪

♪ No longer the case,
I'm in the Oculus doing it♪

♪ Not in real life,
but guys like me♪

♪ Get to having my thing, right,
I'll wait and see♪

♪ In and out with the bag
like I'm making their tea♪

♪ These girls kiss and tell
when they're kissing on me♪

-♪ Oh, my God♪
-♪ What is his d*ck like?♪

♪ What is his breath like?
What are his soaps like?♪

♪ What is his stroke like?♪

♪ What is his acne on the back?
Is it real?♪

-♪ Is it really that cysic? ♪
-♪ Yes♪

♪ Had another ask me
for tickets♪

♪ Like I deal with logistics,
like I'm not artistic...♪