[phone chiming, dinging]
What the f*ck?
Can I get, like...
Can I get, like, or --
All right, I need, like,
or minutes to eat lunch.
What the f*ck?
♪ Who let the dogs out?♪
♪ Who, who, who, who?♪
♪ Who let the dogs out?♪
♪ Who, who, who, who?♪
♪ Who let...♪
♪ Cha and you know that boy♪
-♪ I'm single♪
-♪ Hey♪
-♪ Let's mingle♪
-♪ Ho♪
♪ I'm the best guy left,
it's official♪
-♪ Yeah♪
-♪ Get back, just...♪
-Run that back.
-[music stops]
-Are you, like,
retired from rap or something
and nobody told me?
Or, like...
I'm sorry. I'm on this
new online dating platform,
and man, is it an oasis.
Every single person on here
is either
an incredibly hot girl or an
incredibly successful man so...
n*gga, if I had your status,
bro, I'd be taxing
everybody and their mama
to kick it.
-What?
-Bro, he famous, bro.
That's the whole point
of being famous.
Time costs money.
His presence is a present.
Bro, you better make these hos
pay homage, bruh.
[Elz laughs]
Pay homage? Omage. Homage?
I want you to see what
I'm working with here.
I have a date tonight
with Sadie.
And I got a feeling
I'm gonna explode.
GATA:
You ain't getting sucked.
"Live, love, laugh," bro?
That's her bio.
DAVE:
Well, what would your bio be?
"I bring girls over and I watch
"Surviving R. Kellywith them
because I don't know
the content of it."
-Oh. Oh.
-"And then I try to kiss them
-"during the commercial breaks,
-Oh. Relax.
-like a f*cking creep"?
-Enough.
Wasn't that a horrible decision
on your end?
On ourend. It was ourend,
because me and her both
made the decision
to watch that sh*t.
Gata, do you want to
get on this app?
'Cause I can get you on.
Friend pass.
Nah, nah, nah, I'm cool.
I'm on Jdate right now
looking for my wife
with a [k] plan
-that'll let me be her man.
-DAVE: Are you actually
on Jdate?
Yeah. I'm on here swiping
right now. This is great, bro.
-I guess that's so smart.
-GATA: Opposites attract.
-[phone chimes]
-Ho!
-GATA: What?
Big-time, big-time, big-time.
Is that a direct deposit
or what?
Wow, this is real.
This is actually--
this is reality.
This is insane.
Look at who
I just matched with.
Who the f*ck is that?
Look at who I just matched with.
Bro, you know who Doja Cat is.
GATA:
Oh, that's the chick
with all that ass, bro.
-Yeah, it is.
-That's a whole--
That's another level
of thickness, bro.
Advanced thickness, bro.
n*gg*s gonna be trying
to assassinate you, bro.
-[phone vibrating]
-DAVE: I've never dated
a famous woman before.
-ELZ: Hold on.
-Man, just treat her
like a pedestrian, bro.
-ELZ: Hello?
-I'm getting a Perrier.
We're gonna
put our heads together
when I'm back. Textually.
MANAGER: I know you be on
all that weirdo art sh*t.
Who you know could
pull up right now, man?
I need somebody to give me
all of that weird sh*t
-for this video.
-Whose video?
-Um... Nothing, man. Damn.
-Whose video?
Let me think. Give me a second.
Okay, relax.
-Rae Sremmurd.
-Me. Tell him me.
-Me! I can do it!
-Uh...
-Who's that?
-Lil Dicky.
-You know, uh,
you know that white rapper
Lil Dicky?
-He's kind of... corny.
-Skyrocketing. Coming up.
-He's growing right now.
He's bubbling.
-Bubbling!
Bad haircut.
Everything's going up for him.
Corny white boy?
-Exactly.
-Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, he's perfect.
Tell him to pull up ASAP.
-Okay, I'll connect you guys.
You can get him out of my hair.
-All right.
-All right.
-Thanks.
-Why you hit me?
-This is incredible.
W-What is it, like, a cameo?
I don't know. The n*gga said
he needed some weird stuff,
and you were the one who said
"yeah" to weird stuff.
So I'm going to my first
rap video sh**t right now?
Is your day just that f*cking
clear that you can just be like,
drop everything?
You have nothing to f*cking do?
I definitely have nothing
better to do,
but there's also nothing
on my schedule. Either way,
you judge me while I'm gonna
go back here
and text this pop star
real quick.
You keep doing you--
chilling, right?
You're hanging out, chilling,
and I like the sweatshirt,
'cause you're laid-back.
I've got a whole lot
of other things going on
socially, professionally,
borderline sexually, but...
Wait, wait, before
you even finish,
I'm gonna walk away.
Okay.
-This is incredible.
-Ooh, man, that was a good
little workout, man.
-You got some good news I see.
-I'm very excited.
Man, you know I gotta keep
my Bruce Lee body in shape, bro.
We-we on another level, bro.
♪
I know, just put it right down
where you're standing
and I got it from here.
I appreciate it.
-MAN: You sure?
-Yep. It's a fame thing.
No worries, man.
Appreciate it.
[engine starts outside]
♪
[laughs]
-I'm so happy you guys are here.
-Oh, honey, I miss hugging you.
-You still smell like
an old Bible, Mom.
-[laughter]
Lord's ear to my witness you do.
Yeah, it's the rental car.
-Yeah.
-Yeah. Oh, my God.
-Lot of errands today, huh?
-That house is so gorgeous.
DON:
I wanted to jump in the pool.
-I just wanted to forget
about everything.
-It's beaut--
-And this weather.
Don, this weather!
-Take a swim.
-[cat yowling]
-Please!
You hungos?
I'll feed you,
just give me a sec.
-He was anime.
-Anime?
-He had the ping-pong balls...
-He was not anime.
He was a short New Zealander
-who got, who got lucky.
-He's, he had...
[cat purrs]
-f*ck you say?
-[meows]
CAROL: Well, it's Game of
Thronesor Lord of the Rings,
but at the time, you said
he looked like the guy
from The Shape of the Water.
-No, I never said that.
-Yes, you did.
Because he had those three
little tattoos by his ears,
and you thought he had gills.
DON:
But I'm telling you
I will not be eating there.
You think the Ikea recipe says
onions, carrots,
celery and horse?
DON: I'm not saying that
it's part of their recipe,
-but I think there's clearly
a lack of oversight. And...
-Hey, Siri,
are Ikea meatballs
made of horse?
We're not going to Ikea.
-Why?
-I'm not doing that today.
-Good.
SIRI:
Okay, I found this on the Web
for what is: are Ikea meatballs
made of horse? Check it out.
[cat meows]
Alex, out.
Humans only.
Out, out!
DON:
I think I need
a little more time to adjust.
CAROL:
We've been here three weeks.
You can't--
David, how long were you
jet-lagged
-when you first got here?
-Never.
-Never?
-Three-hour time difference.
-I'm unaffected
by that type of thing.
-I don't know.
Jet lag can last months,
I think.
CAROL:
No, you can't be jet-lagged
for that-- Are you feeling...
♪ Before you-hoo, you-hoo♪
♪ Who are you now?♪
-All right, I think...
-Well, I think we need
a lot of--
-I'd like an air fryer.
-[laughs] Okay.
We're only here for six months.
-DON: Well, still.
-[laughs]
CAROL: All right, I think
that's probably a good idea.
-David.
-Sor-- Sorry.
My stylist bought it
for me,
and he said we should
turn it into a merkin.
If you don't know what that is,
that's-that's fake p*ssy hair
on top of your p*ssy hair.
I remember just feeling
like this.
Just feeling like this.
Do you see this comment section?
What is wrong with my eyebrows?
I'm-I'm about to look
this dude up. Who's this?
Just from your avi alone,
I can tell that you have
bad sex often.
Listen, Mr. Rogers,
I love your show.
But something about
you being on my live...
Okay, guys, so as you can see,
I probably got to go sh--
uh, shave and wax--
"shax" my...
I have to shax my merkin.
Bye.
♪ Anyone.♪
[sighs]
Look, I don't think you can get
Chinese food out here
the way it is back east.
-I thought this was really good.
-No, it was good.
-It was good.
-I thought it was good.
-Wasn't East Coast. David.
-Did you...
-What do you-- David?
-Huh?
You know, we come out here
for the winter
to be with you, and it's...
it's like you're not even here
with us.
I've just been talking
to a woman all day,
and my heart's kind of racing--
it's exciting.
And she may
or may not be famous.
-Ooh.
-Yeah.
-Who is it?
-Her name is...
Amala. Or "Ah-mah-la."
The junkets would
refer to her as Doja Cat.
Is she... is she Jewish?
Wikipedia actually does say
that she's half-Jewish.
-Oh!
-Yeah.
-Oh, what's the other half?
[whispers]:
Black.
[Carol laughs]
Well, that's wonderful, David.
-[snorts]
-What?
Who cares what ethnicity she is?
Well, you asked
if she was Jewish.
That's different.
-Check her out.
-CAROL: Wow.
-Yeah.
-She has...
great breasts.
Oh, very impressive woman.
-Here. Let me...
-All right, Dad.
You got Carol right there.
-I know...
-I just got to send
this one thing to her,
and then I'll get right back
-to whatever's going on
over here.
-CAROL: Honey...
If you think it's
gonna make you happy--
dating women in the industry--
let me tell you, you've got
another thing coming.
Another thinkcoming.
-What?
-I got to get off this app.
Another think.
-What are you talking about?
-You said "another thing."
It's another-- The expression,
-"another think coming."
-We're moving off the app.
-CAROL: Think?
-DON: Yeah.
♪
[camera clicks]
-I apologize.
-Oh, so you're just gonna up
and leave us here
and have Mike help us
for the rest of the afternoon?
-Yeah.
-And why isn't he going
to your video sh**t?
It's not my video sh**t.
It's-- They're other artists
who need my help
for their video.
-It's-- But, yeah.
-Well, and while we're talking
about it,
I would love to show my friends
yourvideos,
but when I listen to
your lyrics, I feel shame.
-Thanks, Mom.
I-I appreciate that.
-Well, I just...
-There's nice...
-I have to get a Lyft
right here, so...
David, there is a nicer way
to say things.
Everything doesn't have to be
so crass and vulgar.
"f*ck a bitch on a stick" this,
and "somebody suck me" that.
Its degrading and misogynistic,
-and, David, you are
so much better than that.
-I hear you.
I-I think you just don't
kind of understand rap music
to an extent--
it's the nature of the beast--
but I will take your feelings
into account moving forward.
I understand.
No more misogyny.
-I love you.
-I love you, too.
Hey, what exactly is "neck"?
"Getting neck"?
'Cause I've heard you say that,
but I don't understand
what it means.
We're gonna pick this up
at a later juncture.
Mike's gonna text you
and meet up with you.
-Okay.
-Take care of all the errands.
I love you both.
-Drive safe. See you soon.
-CAROL: Same here.
-Love you. Love you.
-Love you both. Drive safe.
See you soon.
-[chuckles]: You...
-Yeah.
What isgetting neck?
DON:
I think it's getting head,
but in a modern kind of way.
-Like, with your neck?
-No, like...
Exactly.
My sister's
six months pregnant now,
and it's like boom--
trajectory on pause
-for what, a year?
-[phone chimes]
While her body is just mutating
because of the-- [gasps]
Oh, my God.
He texted me.
-What do I say?
-Uh...
Does this mean
that it's not happening?
He's a rapper.
Every day is probably like this
for him.
Just be super chill.
Don't be thirsty.
-Okay.
-Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
-[phone chimes]
-How's it going, man?
-It's going.
-[seat belt clicks]
[takes deep breath]
♪ Known it,
why don't you say so?♪
♪ Didn't even notice♪
♪ No punches left to roll with♪
-♪ You got to keep me focused♪
-Two, three, four.
-♪ You want it, say so♪
-Five, six, seven, yep.
-Good. Okay, ladies.
-[music stops]
Good job. Um...
Why don't we all take five
and get some water.
Thank you.
[indistinct chatter]
[camera clicks]
-[phone chimes]
-She called me a clown.
I said, "If I'm a clown,
what does that make you?
"Some sort of clown supervisor?
Some part-time clown lover?"
-Like, I've got a voice.
-[camera clicks]
I'm gonna speak up.
I'm gonna say something.
I'll clap right back at you.
-You know?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-You'll figure that out.
-I-- I'll figure it out,
but, you know, she wants to eat
the clown's food, you know.
-I hear you.
-She wants to make
the clown feel good.
But, uh, she wants...
-Okay, what does that make you?
-[gasps]
-Get a real job.
-DAVE: No.
-Clown hand.
-No.
Everything all right back there?
I get hot in the car, brother.
Like, I sweat like hog meat.
Don't go through,
don't go through. Ah, f...
Three, four, five,
six, sev-- Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Thank you, ladies.
That was the best one yet.
Let's call it a day.
♪ Yeah, yeah♪
[sighs]
[whispering]: Yes.
You're a f*cking genius.
[mutters]
I know he'll be fine--
I just worry about him.
She was really so great for him.
MIKE:
Yeah, you know, exes are hard.
I mean, my last relationship was
two years ago, and...
it's still on my mind, I guess.
CAROL:
Oh, honey.
Didn't she get married?
MIKE:
She did, yeah.
She married a guy named
Christian Guy.
[laughs]:
No, she didn't.
Did she really? Is he Christian?
He's Presbyterian,
so yeah, yeah.
I'm so glad David has
someone he can trust
looking after him these days.
Must be nice, two best friends
working together like this.
Mm. It's a privilege
and an honor.
How long has Don been
in that dressing room?
Uh, a... couple minutes,
I think.
Could you check on him, please?
You, um...? Yeah. Yeah.
-Please.
-Yes.
Don?
Oh, man.
-What happened?
-Don.
-What?
-[chuckles]: Um...
I think you might have...
Did you pee yourself, Don?
Uh, yes. I did.
I-I'm... Yeah, I-I did.
-Okay.
-You know,
I've been jet-lagged and...
Have you heard of Doja Cat?
Did you jizz your pants?
No, I peed, I peed, I peed.
No, I peed.
Uh, okay...
-I know it. I peed.
-Okay, well, tidy up.
-I'll remember this...
-Don't tell Carol.
Okay, Don.
[chuckles quietly]
We're gonna take the pants.
They're good.
I do feel marginally bad
about it, I guess,
but I feel as though if
I'm coming to these rap sh**t,
I need to be, like, I guess with
you and not necessarily Mike.
Never, ever feel bad
about being the boss, bro.
I do have no idea where to go.
Yeah, me, either.
This place is dope, bro.
Lil Dicky?
-Yeah?
-Lil Dicky, hi.
-Hi.
-Hi. Uh, thanks so much
for coming.
Who's this?
-This is my friend, Gata.
-I'm his manager.
Oh. Okay, great.
Here's his paperwork.
-I'll be right back.
-Hey, where do we go?
-Hey...
-You're a manager?
I'm a ganderer. Hey, you got
any diet restrictions?
I know you like chicken,
and I know you don't like
fruits and vegetables,
but what you want me
to write down?
So, we are about to sh**t for,
uh, a magazine,
and I can't specify what it is,
but I'm extremely excited.
And, um...
I hope you enjoy
all the pictures and whatnot.
We're working pretty hard
over here.
Uh...
Yeah. Stay tuned.
They've been obsessed
with vibrational aesthetics.
Really inspired
by Rothko lately.
-Yeah?
-Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Oh, sh*t.
-Yo!
-Oh, my God.
-What the f*ck? Bro!
-Are you all right?
What's up? Yes!
-Hey. Dave. Nice to...
-How you doing?
-Good.
-This is exactly
what the f*ck we needed
-right now.
-Okay. I don't... Great.
-Let's go.
-Happy to be here.
Swae Lee.
What's up, man?
What's up, bro? Yeah,
he's perfect. Ay, J, pull up.
J Balvin...
Man, just like me on
my OnlyFans, bro.
-f*ck.
-What up, my G? Yeah.
-Wow.
-You good?
What a trio this is.
-Thank you, I appreciate it.
-Triumvirate.
Bring the girls over, please.
-Yo.
-So, what is,
uh, happenin', fellas?
-What's going on?
-[indistinct chatter]
SWAE:
Look backstage, like backstage.
-SLIM: So check this out.
-Okay.
We got these eight
beautiful women,
and they're all for you,
so you pick the ones,
and those are the ones
we're going with.
Going with for...?
SLIM:
For the video.
SWAE:
Like your preference.
-And just, what, select?
-Yes, sir.
-You got to choose up, man.
-Right.
SLIM:
Just go with, like, the fatty.
The physical
of the... the body type.
Come on, bro.
Um, hi, guys.
My name's Dave. I...
-No, we-we don't
have time for that.
-Okay.
-What?
-You want me to manage
the situation for you, bruh?
-I'm okay.
-You sure?
-I think...
-J: He's your manager?
You want us
to matchmake for you?
That would be great.
Why don't you...?
'Cause I don't...
You guys know the video
and the vision better than me.
And so why don't you guys
tell me,
and I'll just fit
right in where I get in.
-Get in where I fit in, as well.
-Okay.
-Por supuesto.
-Right. Oh, español.
-Sí.
-GATA: Hey...
[speaking Spanish]
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
This is getting really weird
very fast.
I don't know how to handle
that type of situation.
Me and you got
a different type of weird, bro.
-What...?
-That's J Balvin.
He got all the Spanish Latinas
on lock.
Spanish Latinas?
Isn't that the...?
What is... what is a Lat...?
What is Spanish?
Spanish from Spain, bro.
He got 'em
all over the world, bro.
What do you want me to do--
select them in front of them?
-It's, like, so disheartening.
-Just do your job.
Be a rapper.
-All right. I'll let them pick.
-Come on.
And then I'll see
what the f*ck happens.
Mm-hmm.
How has she not responded?
-[camera clicking]
-♪ But she ain't
really love me♪
♪ Y'all better
leave me alone...♪
Ugh. Uh, all right,
we're gonna try this.
♪ Baby on my hit list...♪
What is that?
It's just some pieces I pulled.
No. Hold on.
It's gonna be great.
Don't worry.
It's not that I'm worried.
It's just that nothing
that I okayed yesterday
is even on that.
Sweetheart, we do not have time.
Sweetheart...
you were three hours late.
What's going on?
This is... crazy.
Why is everybody
so unprofessional right now?
[sighs]
Look, come on, let's do...
We're gonna do it my way.
Everybody, let's go.
-Let's go. Let's go.
-[photographer mutters]
-Come on. I don't have time.
-This bitch.
Just real quick.
Did you want this
on your feed, or on your story?
-Story's good. Yeah, thanks.
-Okay. Mm.
DIRECTOR:
So we want it to feel
like an intervention.
You know, very serious,
like you have a real problem
you've been sweeping
under the rug for years.
And all this ass represents
your closest friends
and family,
and they want to help you,
but you feel betrayed
and cornered.
-All right.
-You know about primal therapy?
It's, like, a way to, like,
release childhood trauma
by screaming louder
than a bitch.
Yeah. You know, like...
[yelling]
Sremm! Sremm!
Y'all screaming past that ass.
Like, you should let it out.
-Know what I'm saying?
-Like, you know?
DIRECTOR:
Yeah. So, basically,
you're gonna just scream
toward all that ass,
and all that ass is
gonna just absorb
all that pent-up anger
and frustration
that you've been repressing
for years.
Right. Makes sense.
Quick pitch, though,
before we move forward.
If this is really
about childhood trauma and pain,
which I dig-- I like that--
for me personally,
it would resonate a lot more
if we did,
perhaps, like, a d*ck joke.
A d*ck... d*ck joke.
What you mean by that?
A d*ck joke.
You know, when you...
Or, instead of me being
surrounded by females
and their butts,
what if we put a bunch
of dudes up there,
and we had my head in the middle
of, like, a bunch of male asses?
Why?
'Cause it'd be really funny
if I did that, I think.
How is that funny, though?
Isn't that a little h*m*
to think that's funny?
Well, isn't this
a little misogynistic,
to have women as ornaments?
Ornaments? These are dancers,
these are queens.
Like, this is a Black art form.
-Yeah.
-It's way different.
Don't you think
it's a little bit r*cist
for you to come here
and tell us that?
-SWAE: Well, yeah, for real.
-I mean, I'm...
Here. VOSS, just like you like.
-[yelling]
-[music playing]
-Yo, bro.
-DAVE: Was that good?
Where the f*ck are the horses?
Like, we still waiting
on the horses.
We had to get the last five in
from Idaho on a ,
so, just be patient.
What'd you just say?
Oh, I was just... I was just
trying to explain.
Man, take your corny ass
over there.
-Yeah, bro, hey.
-But I'm your assistant.
Just slide out for now.
We making art right here.
You're disrupting the process.
Just slide out.
Slide out for me.
Yo, PSA! Did Basquiat have
to tell m*therf*ckers times?!
-Why y'all making me
act like this?!
-SWAE: Hell.
Is my body acne on camera?
This is the third
f*cking revelation of Sremm!
We used to work at f*cking
Olive Garden,
-eating breadsticks...
-Bussing tables.
-...and drinking f*cking water!
-We came all the way up.
This ain't no f*cking game
to us!
There should be dancers.
Y'all standing here,
looking around,
-looking stupid.
-You're right.
Like we speaking Morse code,
got us waiting on horses.
The horses need
to be waiting on us.
Dang. I am such a fan.
Oh, yeah.
Those guys are beyond geniuses.
SLIM:
Let's go!
SWAE:
Get it together Sremm-like.
times platinum.
TESSA:
I already got
a few people in mind
-I'd love for you to meet.
-Great.
I think it works great
for both of us if we get you
in front of more of our artists.
You know, we trust each other,
we got a good rapport.
-Yeah. Thank you.
-I'm super down to help.
I think it's time for me
to branch out a little bit.
Me, too.
You're a cool dude.
You know, just keep it
between us, though. Just...
-Definitely.
-Yeah.
Cool.
-[sighs]
-[music playing]
[phone chimes]
Yeah. No.
Sunday.
Thursday.
Yeah. I have a date.
Okay, I'll talk to you later.
I love you. Bye.
Oh...
[shower running]
[crickets chirping]
Where is my earring?
There you are.
[sighs] Okay.
[phone chimes]
[laughs]
[phone chimes]
Oh, uh, sir,
I'm gonna order, actually.
-Indeed.
-Can I do the gumbo
without the onions in it?
Ah, it's all premade
like that. I'm sorry.
It's all good.
I'll just do it anyways.
All right.
Any entrées for you?
I'm still deciding.
Just another minute, please.
All right, take as much time
as you need.
♪
♪ You got me smiling
at my phone♪
♪ Ooh♪
♪ You got me smiling
at my phone♪
♪ You got me
smiling at my phone♪
♪ Mm♪
♪ I think you got me smiling
at my phone♪
-♪ You got me♪
-♪ Smiling at my phone♪
-♪ My phone♪
-♪ You got me♪
-♪ I think you got me♪
-♪ Yeah, smiling at my phone♪
-♪ Ooh♪
-♪ I think you got me♪
♪ You got me
smiling at my phone♪
-♪ I think you got me♪
-♪ You got me♪
♪ You got me
smiling at my phone♪
-♪ I think you got me♪
-♪ You got me♪
♪ You got me
smiling at my phone♪
♪ Whoa, waking up
with the work♪
-♪ With the♪
-♪ Work, work♪
♪ Your ... put me on
like a shirt♪
-♪ Like a shirt♪
-♪ Like a shirt♪
♪ I might have to hit you
with the smirk♪
02x06 - Somebody Date Me
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Series stars a fictionalized version of Lil Dicky, a suburban neurotic man in his late twenties who has convinced himself that he's destined to be one of the best rappers of all time.
Series stars a fictionalized version of Lil Dicky, a suburban neurotic man in his late twenties who has convinced himself that he's destined to be one of the best rappers of all time.