01x07 - Your Prisoner is Dead

[bunniefuu]

♪ Gimme a break, I sure deserve it ♪



♪ Gimme a break, I sure deserve it ♪


♪ It's time I made it to the top ♪


♪ Gimme a break, I'm looking forward ♪


♪ Get behind me, pull out every stop ♪


♪ I want a happy ending, I'm tired of pretending ♪


♪ Won't let 'em get the best of me ♪


♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa


♪ Gimme a break


♪ The game is survival


♪ Gimme a break


♪ And plan my arrival


♪ Gimme a break


♪ For heaven's sake


♪ What happened to my piece of the cake? ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break!


, , ...


Samantha, what are you doing?


I'm trying to finish my -word book report for school.


I'm words short.


Let me see what you got so far.


Okay.


"Book report -- 'treasure island.'


"'Treasure island' is a very, very good book.


"I had a very, very good time reading it.


"Robert louis stevenson


"Is a very, very, very, very good writer.


"Long john silver


Is a very, very, very, very, very mean guy."


Samantha, you are going to get a very, very bad grade, honey.


Could you tell I was trying to stretch it?


Well, I haven't seen that much padding


Since my high school prom.


Hi, nell!


Hiya, cutie!


[ Smooches ]


Hi, julie.


Katie, I have a date tonight.


I've been waiting for an hour for that cream rinse


So I can wash my hair.


Katie! I forgot!


Great.


My first real date, and I'm gonna look like rod stewart.


Katie, honey, weren't you supposed to


Pick up my pantyhose and a cover for her book report?


What happened?


Well, what happened is, I met this terrific guy named steve,


Who works behind the counter.


In other words, you didn't get anything.


Yes, I did.


I got a date for saturday night.


As long as you picked up something.


That's just like you, katie,


Putting your own personal lust ahead of nell's pantyhose.


Oh, stop.


I'll see if your father can stop at the drugstore


On the way home.


I'll give him a call at headquarters.


Don't forget my book-report cover.


Or my cream rinse.


Oh, and lip gloss.


Well, I didn't just forget your stuff.


Hello. Chief kanisky, please.


It's his mistress.


[ Deep voice ] hello?


Hey, kojak, put all the money in a brown paper bag and --


Jeez!


[ Normal voice ] cops have no sense of humor.


Listen, chief. I need some pantyhose.


[ Indistinct shouting ] wait a minute.


And listen -- big ones!


[ Shouting continues ]


Okeydokey.


You have your, um, eye shadow.


You have your mascara.


Your, um...blusher?


Anything else you need, uh, tiger?


Lip gloss...


...passionate pink lip gloss.


Kissable crimson would be much better with your coloring.


This stuff is not for me!


Of course it isn't.


It's for my little girl.


Sure, it is.


Queen-size pantyhose for daddy's little girl.


What is she, a green bay packer?


That's for my housekeeper.


Uh-huh. Well, will that be all?


I need a report cover, like for a school report?


They're over there, on the other side of the counter.


Okay, pal.


Yeah, I'll be with you in a second,


Just as soon as I'm finished with her royal highness.


I'm talking now. [ g*n cocks ]


Hold it right there.


Easy with that g*n, fella.


Shut up, pops!


How the hell do you open this damn thing?


[ Register dings ]



What, is this it? There's no more cash?


That's it.


What do you mean, "that's it"?


Well, n-no one uses cash anymore.


There's less than bucks here!


Look, son, why don't you just take -- I ain't your son!


Now, I better see some bucks, pop, and fast!


That's all there is.


Okay. Okay!


Get down on the floor!


And I'm giving you one more chance, old man.


[ Bell dings ]


Police! Freeze!


[ Women scream ]


[ Coughs ]


He's captain of the football team,


' ", Dark, wavy hair, brown eyes.


He's so gorgeous.


I wonder why dad's not home yet.


Oh, honey, he probably got lucky with the meter maid.


I've been trying to meet him for, like, the longest time.


Thanks again for forgetting my cream rinse.


Look. I said I was sorry.


No, you didn't.


I didn't?


No.


Oh.


Why couldn't I have been an only child?


What are you making such a fuss about?


You're the one that said, "boys only care about girls' bodies."


This is the s, sam.


Packaging is everything.


[ Door opens ]


Samhi, daddy! Katiehi, dad.


Hi, honey.


Dad, did you bring me my cream rinse?


Uh, no.


Uh...


I forgot. Something came up.


I-i'm sorry.


Dad, I really needed that.


Thanks, dad. I really appreciate that.


Thanks, dad.


It's only the most important thing in my whole life that --


I forgot!


Hey. Hey, chief.


Are you going for a little swim before dinner?


Dad, are you okay?


I know what it is.


Dad, I guess maybe I came down a little hard on you


About the cream rinse.


I'm sorry.


Oh, no, it's not that.


There was an...


Incident, uh, while I was in the drugstore.


What kind of incident?


This kid with a g*n tried to hold up the place.


Wow. Oh, dad.


What happened?


He turned his g*n on me.


Wow.


And I shot him.


I never shot anybody before.


They took him to the hospital.


I don't know how bad it is.


Anyway, that's why I didn't get your cream rinse.


Chief, are you okay?


You know, dad, that's just what happened to ponch


Last week on "chips."


Here's the bad guy.


He has his g*n.


And he makes his move.


But then you get the drop on him!


Samantha, stop it. And you blast him!


Stop, samantha! Pow!


All right, samantha! That's enough!


Look, samantha, it's not like it is on tv,


All nice and neat and clean.


That boy didn't just lie down


And close his eyes and go to sleep.


His eyes were open. They were staring.


He was talking, begging me for help.


And there was gobs of blood and skin all over the wall --


Real blood on me!


[ Sighs ]


Dad...


You could have been k*lled!


He was just a kid...


Only a couple of years older than you, maybe.


Yeah, chief, but he was a kid with a g*n.


Look, the kid's gonna be fine. You'll see.


Everybody knows what a lousy shot you are.


[ Telephone rings ]


I'll get that.


Hello?


Yes, it is.


Oh, hi, captain luccesi. Yeah.


Just a moment. [ Sighs ]


Chief, your prisoner died.


Well, thanks for the lift, gus.



Hey, I may be with internal affairs,


But we're both part of the old law-and-order team, right?


Trying to keep our streets safe from the walking trash


And slime and scum out there.


It's a nice place.


Thanks.


Do you want to come in?


Well, I can only stay a minute, but...


Uh, nell.


Uh, this is inspector gus lambert.


Gus, this is nell, our housekeeper.


Hey, big mama. Give me a high five.


I'm gonna give you a high one,


And you'll never guess where.


Chief, how did the investigation go?


Okay, I guess. They'll let me know.


Can you beat that? An investigation.


A cop dumps one lousy punk,


And suddenly the bleeding hearts


Are screaming for an investigation.


The papers, the politicians, the minorities --


Watch it, jack,


Or this is one minority


That will be all over you with both feet.


Hey! Hey! No offense.


Don't be so modest.


You really are offensive.


A little high-strung, ain't she, carl?


Oh, look, gus, I appreciate you driving me home,


But I got a lot on my mind.


Yeah. First k*ll, huh?


Yeah. Yeah. Don't sweat it.


After the second and third time,


It'll be just like brushing your teeth.


And listen, don't worry about that investigation.


It was a good, clean sh**t.


You just stick to your story, and everything's gonna be fine.


What story?


They way I told it is the way it happened.


Whatever.


Anyway, you're gonna come out of this smelling like a rose.


A good k*ll looks great on all those reports.


Yeah. Look, gus. It's been a long day.


Yeah, yeah.


[ Laughing ] it's been m*rder, right?


Oh, hey, listen. I almost forgot.


I'm gonna have to hold your g*n till after the investigation.


Yeah, I understand. I'll go get it.


Hey.


Hey, you're not carrying your w*apon?


Uh, no, i...


Guess I forgot.


How can you go and forget your piece?


I mean, walking out of the house without your g*n


Is like walking into the men's room without your...


...badge.


Thanks.


Now, listen, you want a different g*n in the meantime?


Oh, no. No, thanks.


Well, I got a couple extra out in the car.


I got a colt, a walther, smith and wesson.


No, thank you, gus.


I got a beretta, sawed-off shotgun.


Hey, are you driving a t*nk?


There's a lot of weirdos out there in the street.


The weirdo population just went up one.


Don't let him get to you, nell.


He's not a bad guy underneath.


Underneath what, a sheet?


Chief.


Hey, you didn't really forget your g*n this morning, did you?


I don't even know if I want it in the house anymore.


Look, i...


Think I'll go out for a while, take a little walk.


I'll be home for dinner.


Yeah, talk a walk and try to get this off your mind.


Hey, how about something special for dinner?


Well, you know what might be good


Is some of that great beef stroganoff you make.


Hmm, it's a little late, but, hey, I'll take a shot at it.


I have the distinct taste of a foot in my mouth.


I was, uh, out taking a little walk,


And I happen to be passing by, and I just thought --


I want to make my confession.


Where's the confessional?


Well, it's in the church.


But, uh, we can do it right here in the rectory.


Don't you have to go into --


To one of those little, dark booths?


Oh, not really.


That's sort of like fish on friday


And saint, uh -- well, mr. Christopher.


It's, um...


It's optional now.


I see.


A lot of people find that a small, informal room


Is a nice place, uh, to rap.


Well, i-i'm not here to rap.


I want to confess.


It's awful light in here.



I'm not following you.


Well, sins belong in the dark.


Uh, if you want, I can get the keys.


We can unlock the church.


Oh, don't bother.


I'll tell you what.


We could turn our chairs side-by-side.


It'll -- it'll have the same effect.


Oh, that's not necessary.


It is necessary.


Go ahead.


Well, look, uh, father...


It's been quite a while since my last confession.


How long?


Seven years.


[ Whistles ]


Sorry.


Look, father, i-i want to confess a very big sin.


Yes?


I shot a man...


Wow.


...during a holdup.


Holy moses.


Have you thought about turning yourself in?


N-no. I'm not the crook. I'm a cop.


Oh.


The guy I shot died.


Oh, i-i'm sorry.


And I would like absolution for my sin.


Was there malice in your heart?


What?


Did you say to yourself, "now I'm gonna k*ll this guy"?


Well, no. He turned his g*n on me, and I shot him.


Well, it's self-defense.


See, you're a police officer.


And, um, you did what you did in the line of duty.


Well, what line of duty?


I was buying a pair of pantyhose.


Well, what happened is a great tragedy,


But you didn't do it intentionally.


B-believe me, god understands.


A-and even when something terrible like this happens,


He understands, and he continues to love us.


What is it?


I just don't feel like being loved right now.


Look, it's, uh...


It's not gonna be easy, but you'll get through it.


Life just goes on.


I've got something that might help.


How about a little blue nun?


We can put sister theresa in the refrigerator.


[ Sighs ]


It always works when father donovan tells it.


[ Indistinct shouting ]


You guys, forget it!


There's no way!


You guys, hold it. Hold it. Hold it!


Look, steve is driving me to school,


And he doesn't want a couple of giggly kids tagging along.


I don't giggle.


I have a deep, sexy laugh.


[ Deep voice ] ha, ha, ha, ha.


You just want to be alone


So you can lock lips in the teachers' parking lot.


"Lock lips"?


Julie, it's in the morning.


[ Normal voice ] yeah. She still has oatmeal breath.


[ Giggles ]


Look, you guys are getting disgusting!


[ Indistinct shouting ]


Hey, hey, hey!


Hey, you kids, cut out the racket!


There's enough noise and fighting and v*olence


Out on the street.


I don't need any more in my own home.


Sorry, dad. We didn't mean to bother you.


Come on, you guys.


Yeah.


We'll just be going to school now.


And we'll study real hard,


So we can grow up and make this world a better place to live in.


I love you, daddy.


[ Door closes ]


Good morning, chief.


So you're finally up, huh?


How you doing? Fine.


Would you mind moving? Fine.


Your hair is on fire. Good.


Hey, chief.


Chief, what's the matter?


What is it? Hmm?


Is it the investigation?


Oh, no.


I -- I imagine they'll clear me.


They'll understand.


The kids understand.


The church understands.


Everybody understands.


So why do I feel so lousy?


Maybe it's because you don't understand.



I don't know if I'm ever gonna get over this, nell.


Look at me, huh?


Four days, and my hand's still shaking.


I don't know if I can stand being a cop any longer.


I'm thinking seriously of retiring.


Don't do that to yourself.


Look, you're a good cop.


You know, you're the kind of cop that we need,


The kind that really hates it.


[ Doorbell buzzes ]


[ Sighs ]


Just a minute! [ Doorbell buzzes ]


[ Doorbell buzzes ] just a minute!


[ Doorbell buzzes ] I'm coming!


It's inspector lobotomy.


You ought to be grateful you got a job.


Hey, hey, hey.


Hey, carl.


I thought I'd bring the good news in person.


Word from the d.a.'S office is...


"Justifiable homicide --


Circumstances warranted use of deadly force."


[ Chuckles ]


Hey, chief. Now, that's good news.


Yeah. You see, even the police understand.


Thank you, gus.


And, uh -- and I guess you'll be,


Uh, happy to get this back, huh?


Yeah.


Yeah.


Yeah, it's great to see justice done, for once.


Hey, what do you say we go hoist a few to celebrate?


"Celebrate"? Yeah. Oh, hey, listen.


I got a -- got a little memento for you from ballistics.


What is it?


It's the b*llet. See?


They put a little hole in it


So you could wear it on your key chain.


Gus, could you go home now?


What?


What did I say?


I mean, what's he so touchy about?


I think it's a sudden attack of good taste.


Jeez.


Huh.


And I thought you were my kind of people.


Carl, what kind of cop are you?


I don't really know, gus, but...


I think I'm a pretty good cop.


If my chair's empty any longer...


They might put him in it.


Well, you gonna do something about that?


Yeah, I'm going back to work.


Well, all right, big daddy.


Give me a high five.


Hey!