01x17 - The Robbery

[bunniefuu]

♪ Gimme a break, I sure deserve it ♪



♪ Gimme a break, I sure deserve it ♪


♪ It's time I made it to the top ♪


♪ Gimme a break, I'm looking forward ♪


♪ Get behind me, pull out every stop ♪


♪ I want a happy ending, I'm tired of pretending ♪


♪ Won't let 'em get the best of me ♪


♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa


♪ Gimme a break


♪ The game is survival


♪ Gimme a break


♪ And plan my arrival


♪ Gimme a break


♪ For heaven's sake


♪ What happened to my piece of the cake? ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break!


Nell?


You called, kemo sabe?


Yeah, this new shirt you got me seems small.


You sure it's an extra large?


Yeah, but so was that pie you had for lunch.


Well, it feels tight.


Oh, chief, it's just your imagination.


I don't know.


When I raised my arm to comb my hair --


I mean like this --


[ Fabric tearing ]


Oh, for the love of -- what am I gonna do now?


It's too late to change.


You'll be fine -- just don't raise your hands


When you have to go to the bathroom.


Hi, girls.


We're ready, dad.


Oh, samantha, honey, you look beautiful in that dress.


It's one of julie's.


Well, I hope you thanked her.


What for? She rented it to me.


I hate dresses.


When I walk, I always feel this draft.


Don't worry, honey.


Your father's got the same problem.


Dad, how come you're taking your g*n off?


Aren't all the other cops wearing theirs?


No, this is an awards dinner,


Not a gunfight at the o.k. Corral.


Oh, dad, do me a favor tonight


And don't seat me next to captain luchesi, okay?


Why not? He's very fond of you.


Yeah, I know. He's always pinching my cheek.


And it's always when I have soup in it.


Where's julie? We're running late.


Here I am.


Hey, julie, you look sensational.


She better. That's $ worth of hair spray.


I thought looking nice was the least I could do


For my father, who is receiving


The law-enforcement officer of the year award.


Thank you, honey.


That's not what she told me.


Sam.


She said she hopes when some cute cop sees her,


She'll start his motor running.


Samantha.


And he'll commit a moving violation.


I'm gonna k*ll you.


Don't. She'll bleed all over your dress.


Come on. Enough of that. We got to be moving.


Oh, yes. Bertha and lucille will be here any moment now.


Where are you going tonight, nell?


Nowhere in particular, miss katie. Just out.


Really?


I heard you and lucille talking and laughing


And giggling on the phone a little while ago.


I am going to a nightclub...


To see some male exotic dancers.


You mean you're going to one of those strip joints


Where the guys take off their clothes?


Yep.


But when I invited you to my awards dinner,


You said you were visiting a sick friend.


I am.


Bertha is sick of looking at television.


So while I'm getting an award


As law-enforcement officer of the year,


You're gonna be sitting in a sleazy x-rated clip joint.


How's that gonna look?


Pretty good.


I got front-row seats.


Aren't you gonna be embarrassed


To be seen in a place like that?


Why? I ain't taking off my clothes.


Come on, girls.


Bye.


Have fun.


Bye.


Suppose someone you know sees you there.


Chief, it doesn't matter.


It's perfectly clean, healthy fun.


It's nothing to be embarrassed about.



[ Humming softly ]


[ Doorbell rings ]


[ Doorbell rings ]


Nobody's here. Let's get to work.


What a dump!


This is gonna be a waste of time.


You take care of the downstairs.


Hey, find anything?


Yeah, a thousand things.


I got a busted alarm clock, a busted tv,


And a needlepoint frame that says "nell -- born to boogie."


There's a stereo upstairs, so come up and give me a hand.


You girls better get up to bed. You got school tomorrow.


Oh, yeah. It's almost .


I can hardly keep my eyes open.


Dad, can't we just stay up till ?


Maybe they'll have your award on the news.


Samantha, this was just a little police dinner.


I hardly think it's gonna make the news.


Well, it should.


How often do you see a policewoman


Coming out of a cake?


You know, daddy, you really shouldn't put down that award.


I was really proud of what they said about you tonight.


Me too.


And I thought it was really cute when you accepted the plaque


With your napkin still tucked under your chin.


Dad, what's this sack doing here?


I don't know.


It's probably some stuff nell got together


For the cleaners.


All right. Nobody move.


What the hell are you doing in my house?


We heard you was new on the block,


And we're the welcome wagon.


I told you we were taking too much time.


Relax. I think we can handle three kids and an old man.


Dad, are these guys what I think they are?


I'm afraid so, honey.


All right, everybody sit down. Come on.


Sit. Sit. Come on!


Sit. Sit.


Sit!


Now I know why dogs are so resentful of people.


What are we gonna do now?


Dad, what are they gonna do with us?


I want you to listen to me very carefully.


These guys aren't fooling around.


That's a real g*n.


If we do exactly as they say and don't try anything foolish,


Nobody will get hurt, understand?


Yeah. Yeah.


I got a plan.


Samantha, no plan.


I saw it on "hill street blues."


I'll distract them by pretending I'm sick.


Quiet, samantha.


And then you leap up with a karate chop and grab the g*n.


No, samantha.


Or we could all rush them. They can only sh**t two of us.


Where's he going?


I saw some rope in the kitchen.


We're gonna tie you people up, and then we'll split.


Look, we're cooperating,


So would you mind putting that thing away?


I mean, g*ns have a habit of going off accidentally.


All right, all right.


But everybody keep calm and move real slow.


Hope it goes off now.


You know, you got nicer legs than your sister.


Thank you!


Hurry it up, will you? We got to get out of here.


[ Lock rattling ]


Hi, chief. Oh, I didn't know you had company.


I, uh...


You're not the chief.


[ Laughs ] I'm sorry.


I was looking for that naked tupperware party.


My mistake. Must be next door.


Bye-bye. Be sa--


Hold it. You're not going nowhere, tubby.


Tubby?


Are you talking to me?


Yeah, tubby. Sit down!


Tubby is now sitting down.


Nell --


That's all right, chief. It's my fault.


I should have stayed for that second show.


Nell, just try to stay calm.


After they finish tying us up, they're gonna leave.


Nell?


You're the one that's born to boogie?


You were in my room?


Yeah.


That's a shame.


It's gonna take pounds of air wick


To get your smell out of there.


You're not gonna get away with this.


Sure, we will.


It's gonna take you a half-hour to untie these knots.



By then we'll be long gone.


You can't hide from the long arm of the law.


Samantha, quiet.


All he has to do is put out an a.p.b.


Hey, wait a minute.


You're a cop?


[ Laughing ] a cop?


He's not only a cop.


He's chief of police.


He just won that trophy


For law-enforcement officer of the year,


Even though they spelled his name wrong.


Well, that changes things a lot.


You guys are in big trouble.


Him and his friends are not gonna stop till they find us.


Sure, we will.


I won't even remember what you look like.


Don't worry, dad. I'll remember everything.


That guy's even wearing one brown sock and one blue one.


Are you thinking what I'm thinking?


Yeah. We ain't got no other choice.


Let's get it over with.


Turn the tv set on real loud.


D-did you get the j-- chief, did they get the jewels?


Jewels?


Margaret's diamond ring and the $ gold pieces?


What are you talking about?


Yeah, what are you talking about?


Come on, chief. These guys are no dummies.


Look -- it's $ , , $ , worth,


Enough for two people to go to mexico


And drink margaritas for years.


Maybe you won't have to turn that tv on.


Where does a cop come off getting that kind of money?


Honey, this man here is the real crook.


You want to talk graft?


This fat cat is into blackmail, bribery, extortion.


He even got women on the streets.


All right. Where do you keep it?


He keeps it in the closet, in a locked metal box.


Get it.


Me?


You.


Where's your key?


In my left-hand coat pocket.


Get it!


Are you sure you want to do this?


Hell, no.


Look, can't we work out --


I don't want to hear anything from you!


Drop the shun, or I'll goo--


Drop the g*n, or I will sh**t!


Now, which one of you called me tubby?


Get over there. Turn around.


Turn around! Don't you move a muscle.


I don't want to be mopping up no blood off this carpet.


You saved us! You did it, nell!


You did it! You saved us!


Honey, save the hugs. Stop.


Samantha, come here and untie me, huh?


Some robbers -- can't even tie a square knot.


Okay, nell, I got it. You can give me the g*n.


Oh, no, no, no.


I'm beginning to enjoy this.


Call me tubby now.


Chiefnell.


Let me hear you say that now.


Nell.


Say that so I can clean out your ears with a lead q-tip.


Nell, don't get too close.


Okay.


Samantha, run outside to the squad car.


Phone the station on the radio. You know how to do it.


Right. I'll tell them we got a couple of scumbuckets here.


Just tell them what's going on, and watch your language.


Right!


All right, you scumbuckets, hands on the chairs.


On the chairs!


Move your feet back.


Back! Back! Back!


Chief, what are you gonna do?


I'm gonna frisk them.


Why don't we just take them in the toilet and flush them?


Untie the girls, nell.


Oh, I'm sorry.


Are you girls okay?


I hope so. I think I swallowed my gum.


Police chief's house.


We picked a great place to hit.


Quiet, you two. No talking.


Yeah? What is this, a library?


Yeah. You want to check out a nightstick?


Oh, boy -- police brutality.


Samantha, you and julie and katie go on upstairs


And see what they took.


Dad, I want -- do what your father says.


Okay.


Let's see if they found


Your frederick's of hollywood brochure


Underneath your mattress.



I'm placing you under arrest.


You have the right to remain silent.


Wait, just -- wait, wait. What are you doing?


I'm reading them their rights.


You mean they break into your house, tie up your kids,


And thr*aten to k*ll us, and they got rights?


It's the law.


Chief, pardon me for saying this, but that law sucks.


If you give up the right to remain silent,


Anything you say can be used against you.


And if you open your mouth,


I'm gonna put a frying pan in it.


Dad, they broke our stereo.


You heard that. Let's k*ll them.


Chief, we got here as fast as we could.


Is everything all right?


Yeah, take them away.


I'll be down later to file a complaint.


Here. Their g*n.


Listen, try and keep this under your hat, will you?


It's a little too late, chief.


Hello, chief!


[ Clears throat ]


This is hamilton storm,


Reporting live with channel on the spot news.


I'm standing here in the home of chief carl kanisky,


Who, we understand, single-handedly apprehended


Two armed men who were burglarizing his home.


Are we gonna be on tv?


And who are you, young lady?


I'm the one who called the cops.


I'm the only who didn't scream and who has the best legs.


Chief, can you tell us exactly what happened here tonight?


Well, that's hard to say. It all happened so fast.


I can.


See, while katie, julie, and my dad were all tied up,


Nell tricked the burglars and got my dad's g*n.


You mean the chief of police was tied up in his own home?


Yeah. Well, he's not just chief of police.


He's law-enforcement officer of the year.


See, the burglars --


The poor child is so upset


She doesn't know what she's saying.


Chief, can you show our viewers


The exact spot where they tied you up


While the rest of your family was helpless?


I'll tell you exactly what happened.


I'll tell you the truth.


Here it is.


You see...


Part of --


Yeah, part of the chief's brilliant plan


Was to let them tie him up.


Nell --


Now, me and the girls here, we were not afraid.


We were all right, weren't we, girls?


Yeah! We weren't worried.


Yes, we were all right.


You see, the chief was waiting to slip out of the ropes.


So then he could just jump all over them like a bad rash.


Nell --


Chief, the truth has to be told.


He saved my life. The man is my hero.


He's a saint.


The man should be head of the fbi.


Come on, nell, stop it, huh?


You don't have to cover up for me.


I'm not ashamed of what happened here tonight.


My daughter told you the truth.


So the chief of police and his family really were tied up?


Hamilton, you're on your bad side.


Oh, thank you.


Excuse me a minute, please.


How's that?


That's fine?


Okay. Take two.


So the chief of police and his family really were tied up?


Chief, I'm sure our viewers would like to know


How you feel right now.


How do I feel?


What the hell kind of a stupid question is that?


How do you feel if --


How does it feel if you're tied up, helpless,


While some piece of slime points a g*n at your children?


How does it feel if your family knows


That it can never be safe in their own home again?


I'd feel the same way you'd feel.


A policeman on the other end of a g*n


Is just as terrified as anybody else.


They were gonna k*ll us.


And this woman risked her life to save us.


She did a brave and wonderful thing,


And we'll always be grateful.


I think it's about time we faced the truth.


The police can't do everything.


Everybody's got to help. There's a w*r going on.


It's us and them, and I'm sorry to say right now,


It looks as though they're the ones that are winning.


You want to know how I feel? I'll tell you how I feel.


I feel like -- like crying.



Well, there you have it --


A moving example of the human toll taken by runaway crime.


And now to helen green in our channel telecopter


For a report on a -car collision


On the ridge river road.


The fire engines are on the scene,


And the ambulances are on the way.


It's a real doozy.


Don't miss it.


Okay, man, that's a wrap. Let's go.


Thank you very much.


Yeah.


I'm glad it's over.


Yeah.


I don't know about you guys, but I could use a drink.


Do we have any tab?


Yeah, I could use a drink, too. How about you, nell?


Oh, yeah. Maybe a couple drops.


Nell, you were magnificent.


I don't know how you stayed so cool and calm


While any second that guy could have turned around


And blown your head off.


Say when.


Nell?


Do you realize those w-were real c-crooks?


Do you realize those were real g*ns and real b*ll*ts?


Do realize they were gonna k*ll me?


Why didn't somebody say something?


Why didn't somebody stop me? Why didn't somebody say, "nell."


Nell!


Don't say it now! Why didn't you say it then?


Why didn't somebody stop me?