02x07 - The Chief's Gay Evening

[bunniefuu]

["♪ Gimme a break, I sure deserve it ♪



♪ Gimme a break, I sure deserve it ♪


♪ It's time I made it to the top ♪


♪ Gimme a break, I'm looking forward ♪


♪ Get behind me, pull out every stop ♪


♪ I want a happy ending, I'm tired of pretending ♪


♪ Won't let 'em get the best of me ♪


♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa


♪ Gimme a break


♪ The game is survival


♪ Gimme a break


♪ And plan my arrival


♪ Gimme a break


♪ For heaven's sake


♪ What happened to my piece of the cake? ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break!


Betty all right, porkos!


Next, we do our jumping jacks! Ready?


Backs straight, hands at our sides,


Feet together, and...


, . , .


, . , .


, . , .


, . , .


Uh, uh, nell?


Nell?


Ideally, your feet should leave the floor during this one.


Oh, you're talking jumping jacks.


I'm doing standing jacks.


Uh, standing jacks, nell?


Yeah, honey, that's the same as sitting jacks,


But I do them standing up.


All right, all right! Next we'll touch our toes!


Ready?


Oh, you touch your toes. I'll wave at mine.


Oh, I think I've had it, betty!


Yeah! Yeah! Me, too!


I got this pain across my stomach.


Well, I guess we've done enough for one night.


Oh, thank god. I can't move.


Oh, guys, uh, look,


I made some refreshments in the kitchen.


I'll get them.


Oh...


Hey, betty. Betty.


You want to see them do some real jumping jacks?


Let's tie some pork chops to the ceiling.


[ Both laugh ]


Dad, you're gonna love this movie.


I know I'm gonna hate it.


What's it called?


"E.t."


Well, for bucks,


I expect a movie to have a full name,


Not just initials.


Dad, it's the same guy who made "raiders of the lost ark."


You loved that movie.


Oh, sure, who wouldn't love a movie


Where a roomful of nazis get their faces melted off?


Come on. Let's get a move on.


Phil hiya, chief, girls.


How are you, chief?


Late for a movie, amy.


Come on, let's go before they run out of raisinettes.


Raisinettes!


Uh...here's a dollar. Could you get me a box?


Uh, you better make that two.


Oh, three.


No, wait. I'll write a check.


Never mind. It's on me.


See you later, nell!


Bye, chief. Hi, phil. Hi, amy.


Hi, is dr. Avery here?


Oh, not yet.


Good, 'cause when he gets here, I want him to autograph


My copy of "half the man I used to be."


Well, half a man's better than no man at all.


That depends on the half you get.


[ Doorbell rings ]


Ooh! Ooh, that must be him!


Ooh! Everybody, he's here!


Oh, all right.


Now, let's give a really warm welcome


To the man who's an inspiration to us all --


Noted author, diet expert, and former fatty


Dr. George "skin and bones" avery!


[ Applause ]


My god, he must have gained it all back!


You mean he gained it all front.


Everybody, sit down.


Now, uh...now we'll hear the lecture


Of our distinguished speaker and founder,


Dr. George blubbery --


Uh, avery, avery.


[ Applause ]


Thank you. Thank you.


Thank you, please, please.


Ladies and gentlemen, as you know,


I am the founder



Of people organized to reduce and kick obesity,


Better known as "porko"!


[ Cheers and applause ]


Remember, every one of you can look just like me --


A lean, mean sex machine.


I hope he doesn't lean his machine on me.


Today, there are thousands of club members,


But the very first meeting consisted of three people


Getting together in my living room.


Now three people can get together in his shorts.


But thanks to the club program,


I'm now master of my own fat.


Fate, fate, fate.


Something got on these, uh, these cards, a little...


What is that?


Chocolate mousse.


[ Laughter ]


Well, well, that, uh...


I think that about concludes my lecture,


And I'll just say good night.


Dr. Avery, can I ask you a question?


Well, sure, little lady.


What happened to you?


I -- I thought you lost pounds.


Well, I did, but, uh...


[ Chuckles ] I found it again!


But what happened?


I guess you could say I fell off the wagon.


And into an ice-cream truck.


[ Laughter ]


[ Laughs ] I'll remember that one.


I bet he will.


I'll bet he's got a memory like an elephant.


And a body to match!


Well, listen, uh...you people keep up the good work,


And it's nice to meet you.


Hey, you're not leaving?


Yeah, I've had a few laughs here,


But I really have to be running along.


Oh, come on, doctor, won't you sit down?


You can have some refreshments.


Yeah, why don't you go out on the lawn and graze for a while?


Uh, maybe some other time.


Uh...thanks for everything. I got to go.


Yeah, his forklift's probably double-parked!


Chocolate mousse!


Guys!


You know, he --


He really did sound all shook up.


I mean, it sounded like he had a lump in his throat.


And everyplace else!


Oh, put a sock in it, kramer!


You really are disgusting!


Aw, come on, nell. He let us down.


Oh, well, excuse me. I forgot.


You are perfect, aren't you?


None of you have ever slipped on your diets, have you?


All two and a half tons of you.


Betty, would you please go on with the meeting?


Thank you.


Uh, now, as you recall, at our last meeting,


I told you how to make a delicious no-cal pizza.


Well, tonight,


I've got a fabulous dessert to go with it.


[ Murmuring ]


I call it double-devil chocolate fantasy cake.


Oh, I don't know which is god's greatest achievement,


Sex or chocolate.


I get to lick the plate!


Oh, you get your own plate. This one's mine!


Ohh! Get your fork out of my wrist!


Yeah, I brought my own fork.


I wear it on a chain around my neck.


Now, the best part about the whole thing


Is it's practically zero calories.


Why, it's made up of nothing but carob, dried egg whites,


Bran, saccharin, and unbleached gluten flour.


[ Giggles ]


It's a little dry.


Yeah, but it certainly is, uh...edible.


Very edible. Truly edible.


It stinks!


If I were on a desert island with just this cake,


I'd eat a rock.


[ Telephone rings ]


Excuse me.


Hello?


Hey, g*ng, it's the doctor.


Hi, we were just talk--


Oh, they --


He says he's very sorry


He gained all that weight and let us down.


Oh, isn't that nice?


Yes? Uh-huh.


And he says his hotel room is on the th floor.


Uh-huh.


Uh-huh.


Uh-huh.


And he says that he will never, ever let anyone else down


In this lifetime.



Doctor, what the hell do you mean by that?


Yeah.


Hello?


Hello!


I think he's gonna jump from his hotel window.


What?! He can't jump from the th floor!


That's bad luck!


Let's go! Come on!


Everybody! It's a matter of life and death!


[ Bell dings ] get in there!


[ Indistinct shouting ]


Get out!


What was that all about?


It must be the all-you-can-eat special upstairs.


I hope george doesn't do anything foolish!


Yeah, like getting on an elevator with a bunch of fatsos.


[ Groans ] ohh, ohh.


Who's standing on my foot?


Wait a minute. Wait a minute. It might be me.


Does this hurt?


Aah!


Yeah, yeah, that's me. I'm sorry, nell.


Why is this elevator taking so long?


Maybe it's afraid of heights, amy.


Uh-oh.


What's "uh-oh"?


We're slowing down.


.


.


.


Do I hear / ?


[ Motor creaks ]


I think we've stopped!


[ Chuckles ] no.


We -- we can't be stopped.


When an elevator stops, the doors open,


And people come out, and new people come in!


That didn't happen!


Wait a minute.


Did anybody bother to read that sign up there?


Betty, what's that sign say?


"Maximum capacity not to exceed..."


But that's impossible.


Wait a minute.


[ Whispering ]


Oh, yeah, honey, we exceed that by at least a half a ton.


Phil exceeds that by half a ton.


What's that mean?


It means we just gave this elevator a hernia.


But we've got to save george!


[ Creaking, screaming ]


We got to find out what happened. Maybe nell pushed the wrong button!"], Index ,…}


Aah!


Do you see a button that say "stuck"?!


Well, shut up!


I'm quitting this club!


I want my membership dues back right now!


Oh, cram it, kramer!


Okay, please, guys, don't panic now.


These things are -- oh, they just loaded with safety devices.


[ Boing ]


Edna, please tell me


That was your girdle that just popped.


Oh, poor george!


How can I live


Knowing that he died 'cause we were too fat?


Well, if I'm going...


It's not gonna be with the taste of cottage cheese in my mouth!


Man look, he's got a butterfinger!


Mr. Kramer!


Shame on you...


Hogging that all to yourself!


[ All shouting ]


Oh, no, it's on the floor!


I see it!


One bite before I die! That's all I ask!


I'll give $ to anybody who brings me that candy bar!


Stop it!


Huh?


Guys, we got to save george.


Well, that's brilliant. How do you suggest we do that?


Well...


We can try the alarm again.


Or we can try these doors again.


Or we could try to use that phone there!


There's got to be a phone.


Of course, all elevators have phones.


Get the phone, kramer!


[ Grunting ]


There's a dial tone.


Thank god! Now we can save george!


Room service?


Yeah, listen, are your malteds thick or thin?


Phil gimme that phone!


We're gonna die, and you're asking for room service!


I don't want to die of hunger! Give me the phone back!


Give me that phone!


Okay, here! You wanted the phone!


I want you to stick this where the phone don't ring.


Ohh, what are we gonna do now?



Edna wait a minute! There's a door in the ceiling!


Man hey, I wonder where it goes.


I don't know. Would an elevator have an attic?


Oh, george, it's so good to see


Your brain is home from the cleaners.


Let's see.


I know it sounds dangerous,


But maybe if one of us could climb up there,


We can go for help.


Yeah. You ought to do that, nell.


Unh-unh.


Nell, for george.


George who?


Nell, please.


Okay. Pivot!


[ Grunting ]


All right! All right!


Oh, wait. No, over here.


[ Grunting ]


All right, phil, bend over!


And drop to your hands and knees!


Ask somebody else, nell.


Every time I bend over, all the fat rushes to my head.


Well, then, just drop to your knees.


Okay.


Ohh.


Now, look. This is what I'm gonna do.


I'm gonna climb on your shoulders.


Phil? Phil!


I'll k*ll him! Phil!


I found the candy bar!


It's in my stomach! It was delicious!


Let's stomp that sucker!


Stop it! Stop it!


Let's be calm.


Get me through this hole up here, okay, guys?


You got to boost me up.


All right. Okay.


, , !


[ Grunting ]


No touching in foul territory!


Hello!


[ Echoing ] hello!


Who's up there?


[ Echoing ] who's up there?


You're gorgeous!


[ Echoing ] you're gorgeous!


Thank you.


First time I ever enjoyed getting the shaft.


Man can you see anything up there?


Yeah, there's some kind of sign.


Anybody got a match?


I got a lighter!


All right, thanks. Okay.


Amy can you read the sign?


Just a minute, amy!


"Caution, gas main -- keep away from open flame."


Oh, sh**t!


Can't you see anything?


There's a door up there! Can you get me higher?


Yeah. Yeah.


Oh. Ohh! sh**t!


I'm stuck!


Help!


Maybe we could grease up her body with butter.


We're fighting for our lives, and he wants to party!


Get me down! I'm stuck!


Ohh!


I got an idea!


Get me down! Get me down!


Pivot!


[ Grunting ]


Okay. Okay.


All right, g*ng.


All right.


We tried to go up, and we didn't.


We got to try to go down this time.


Okay?


Hey, that's worth a try!


I mean, what's the worst that could happen?


We plunge to the bottom, where we all die


In a horrible twisted mass of metal and flesh!


Shut up, kramer! Shut up, kramer!


Actually, I'm starting to like this place.


It kind of grows on you.


Oh, stuff it, amy.


Okay, everybody, hold on.


Hold on tight. You ready?


I'm gonna push "lobby."


Here we go! Oh.


[ Motor whirring ]


[ Sighing and gasping ]


Edna well, we made it.


Come on. Give me a hand with the door.


We made it! We're out!


Hey!


Hey, guys! Where you going?


Floors.


Oh, god, I hate to say it, but, feet, don't fail me now!


[ Exhales deeply ]



[ Knock on door ]


Who's there?


It's the maid!


You want to clean something up, meet me on the sidewalk!


Hold it! Stay right there -- one more step, and I'll jump.


George, at least let me call a priest.


I'm jewish.


Then I'll call a delicatessen!


Now, george.


Stay back, or I'll jump.


Okay, everybody, move.


It's a good thing for you I'm in such good physical shape!


Don't you try anything funny, nell.


Look, don't you realize


You're gonna cause more problems than you solve


If you jump off that balcony?


Yeah, she's right!


Think of the poor guy


Who'll have to clean you up off the sidewalk.


I'll aim for a garbage truck.


You know, george,


We all understand what you're going through.


No, you don't.


Oh, yes, we do.


You do?


Yeah.


Yeah, but I let all of you down.


And I let myself down.


George, can't you see all the good you've done?


I mean, can't you see that?


I can't even see my shoes.


We're all better off because of you, george.


You know, george, the point is you lost that weight.


Yeah, but tomorrow, when I wake up,


I'm still gonna be fat.


We all are.


But at least there'll be a tomorrow.


[ Cracking ]


Not if we don't get off this balcony quick!


What are you talking about, nell?


Pivot!


[ Shrieking ]


We almost went on a permanent crash diet.


Being fat almost k*lled us!


Well, I'll tell you one thing!


That's not gonna happen to me again!


Yeah, me either!


I lost this weight before, and I can do it again!


That's right.


We don't have to be fat if we don't want to.


I tell you what.


We can go on a diet, we can exercise,


And we can lose this weight!


You bet we can, and we can start tomorrow!


Like hell! You're gonna start right now.


We're all gonna lose two pounds a week.


Get over there, dr. Avery.


We're gonna do some jumping jacks. Go!


, . , .


Your feet would work better if you moved them off the ground.


Do you get it?