03x09 - Grandpa's Rebellion

[bunniefuu]

♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪



♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪


♪ I'm putting a new face on the old one ♪


♪ Ready for anything


♪ Playing with fate, not a moment too late ♪


♪ I'm showing the whole world nothing can get me down ♪


♪ O-o-o-oh


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break!


Girls, hurry up. Your grandfather will be home from the airport any minute.


Hey, aunt nell.


Nell yes, honey?


What's this?


Oh, that's grandpapa's radio.


That's the kind they used to have


Way back in the olden days.


Did you have a radio like this?


I'm not that old, joey.


And it was a philco.


Hey, girls, will you step on it?


You're gonna ruin grandpa's surprise!


Why did he go to poland for his vacation?


Joey, it -- it wasn't a vacation, honey.


You see, grandpapa was really very sad


When grandma mildred passed away.


Will you get off the bed?


You know, when most people get sad,


They go to las vegas,


But when polish people need to be cheered up,


They go to warsaw.


Ta-da! Ta-da! Ta-da!


I love it -- the polish supremes.


The saleslady said


These were authentic polish peasant dresses.


Made in taiwan.


Here, let me help you with that.


Thanks.


I can't wait to see grandpa's face when he finds out


We moved all his furniture into our house.


Yeah, it was a terrific idea, nell --


One of your better ones.


He's gonna be so excited and happy.


I just know I'm gonna cry.


Joey, what are you doing under the sheet?


Playing ghost.


Anybody want to play ghost?


We don't have time to play right now, honey.


Would you look at these?


I never knew grandpa had such tacky taste.


Those are mine.


Anybody want to play catch?


Look, honey, if you're bored, why don't you go outside


And watch the man install the new a*t*matic sprinkler, huh?


I did. Well, that's nice.


But he only speaks spanish. Mm-hmm.


Oh, except when he dropped the wrench on his foot.


Then he -- ah, don't you dare!


They're here! They're here!


Oh, everybody -- everybody, get downstairs!


Ooh, I just know I'm gonna cry.


You know what to do.


Samantha, get to the piano.


Julie, katie, in the kitchen.


Oh, this is the first time I ever sung in polish.


I hope I remember the words.


This is the first time


I ever played the piano in polish.


Just don't you louse-ski it up.


Oh, honey, what's the polish word for "grandpa" again?


Dziadek.


Right, dziadek.


We're home, everybody.


Hello, dziadek! Hello, dziadek!


Hit it, samantha.


[ Piano plays introduction to "hello, dolly!" ]


♪ Hello, dziadek


♪ Hello, dziadek


[ Singing "hello, dolly!" In polish ]


♪ Grandpa, never go away again ♪


Jeszcze jeden raz.


Uh...


Uh, what does that mean?


One more time.


I told you we should be a group. Hit it.


Now, hit it.


[ Singing in polish ]


♪ Grandpa, never go away again ♪


Oh, what a wonderful way to be welcomed home --


In my native tongue.


It would have been easier if you'd been a native of cleveland.


Pop, we got a surprise for you.


Yeah, well, I have a little something


For all of you guys, too.


Why don't you let that wait, huh, pop?



Why don't you supremes take five?


Go clean the room. Sing, sing, sing, sing.


♪ Hello, dziadek


♪ Hello, dziadek


You know, it wasn't easy


Shopping for souvenirs in poland.


They didn't have any.


This is for you, carl.


Oh, thanks, pop.


I'll open it up after we show you your surprise.


Well, save your surprise for later.


You know, i-i really feel bushed.


I think I'll go home and have a little drzemka.


Oh, that means "nap."


I'm talking as if I were still in the old country.


Grandpapa, why don't you take a little drzemka upstairs?


No, I think I'll sleep in my own house.


I never got used to the beds in warsaw.


They were as hard as the bread.


Carl, I stayed with the golaszewskis,


The alorsiewskis, the marowskis, and the pulniks.


Pop, we really ought to --


The pulniks?


Yeah, your second cousin helga married ignace pulnik.


They have three gorgeous daughters.


Three pretty polish pulniks -- perfect.


Of course, it wasn't the same as being there with mildred.


I really miss your mother.


She would have loved this trip --


Seeing the countryside and the farms,


The factories and the people.


She got a big kick out of being polish.


Well, I'd better go home.


Pop...


Welcome home.


Well, what -- what do you mean?


Oh, you'll see, you'll see.


We want to show you something.


Show me?


Yeah, just wait.


I just know I'm gonna cry. Ooh.


Here they come!


Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!


I'm going to cry.


What's this? Looks like my bed.


That's my radio... My furniture.


What is my house doing in your house?


Well, pop, we decided


That you better come live with us,


And so we moved you in.


Well, before I live with you, I'll live with your mother.


Pop...


Ma's dead.


I know that.


And I'd still rather live with her


Than live with you, you dumbski.


Grandpa?


Grandpa, please wait a minute. Grandpa, don't do this.


Please don't leave, grandpa. Grandpa, please.


Please, come on, sit down and relax, come on.


I'll relax in the privacy of my own unfurnished home.


Pop, try to understand.


What's to understand?


You entered my home.


You stole my private property -- some cop.


Look, pop, ma's not around to take care of you anymore,


And somebody has to.


I can take care of myself.


No, you can't. You're too old.


Put 'em up, put 'em up. I'll show you who's too old.


Come on, I'll punch your lights out.


If you hit me, pop, I'm not gonna like it.


Grandpa, stop it. Just stop it.


Let me at him, nell. I'll take him downtown.


Grandpapa...


One more word like that, and I'll deck you.


Now, you know the chief didn't mean to say you were too old.


Yes, he did.


He thinks I'm a doddering, old goat.


Well, I got news for you, you thief.


You're the one who can't take care of himself.


If it wasn't for nell here,


You'd be in the old policeman's home


Planning your next checker move.


I don't have to take this.


Chief, chief.


Grandpapa.


It was not supposed to turn out like this!


This was supposed to have been a sentimental moment


Between a father and a son,


Like in the movie of the week.


Sentimental moment -- with the cat burglar here?


I was trying to give you a new life.


Well, I haven't finished with the old one yet.


Pop.


I'll just leave these presents here... Pop.


...and go upstairs, pack my clothes. Pop.


Then I'll send for the furniture tomorrow.


Pop!


Is your hearing aid on the fritz again?



My hearing aid was never on the fritz.


I just turn it off now and then.


Why?


Because % of what's said in the world


Isn't worth listening to.


And if he's doing the talking,


You can lump it up another %.


Stubborn, old goat.


That is no way to talk to your father.


There is no way to talk to my father.


Will you two listen?


You're sounding like a bunch of kids.


Stay out of this! Stay out of this!


He's the one who sounds like a kid.


Blow it out your ear.


Blow it out your hearing aid!


[ Door slams ]


[ Cries ]


Grandpop and the chief are mad at me. I can't do anything right.


[ Crying ]


I forgot to tell you


The man installed the new a*t*matic-sprinkler system


This morning.


He sure did one hell of a job.


He's taking his own sweet time about packing.


Ah, don't sit there!


You'll get the sofa wet.


Chief, you can't let your father leave.


He wants to go, let him go.


No, don't sit there, either.


Well, where can I sit?


Try the coffee table. It's bar-top.


Chief, look, you got to give in a little.


He's your father.


Yeah, that's what bugs me --


To think that I was begat from his loins.


Here, have another loincloth.


It's never been easy being his son.


He's always been mr. Charming, the life of the party.


You probably won't believe this, nell,


But he never thought I had a sense of humor.


Imagine that.


One thing I always wanted all my life was to be like him.


Ever since I was a kid,


I've been trying to prove to him that he's wrong.


I'm a funny guy.


Well, you've gotten lots of laughs around here.


But I never made him laugh.


Look, your father needs you.


Why don't you forget the past?


You know, beg him to stay. Tell him you love him.


I can't.


I never could.


Why are you going upstairs?


To get to the other side.


Grandpop?


No, please. Don't turn off your hearing aid.


I came to apologize. This whole mess was my idea.


I know that.


So if, uh, go -- go ahead. Call me a meddler.


Oh, nell, I would never call you a meddler.


I would never call a jackass a jackass.


He knows he's a jackass.


Are you trying to tell me something?


Yes, you're a meddling jackass, and you know it.


All right.


Well, as a meddling jackass to a doddering, old goat,


Let's talk turkey.


If you're -- if you're here to try and stop my leaving,


You're wasting your time.


Oh, grandpop, please.


You don't want to go home to an empty place.


It wasn't empty when I left it.


Grandpapa, please stay with us.


Why?


Carl has his work.


His daughters have their friends.


You have the whole gaggle to entertain you.


There's absolutely no reason for me to be here.


I fulfill no function in this house.


Oh, that's not true.


Grandpapa, you are a very important part of our lives.


You're grandpapa.


Nell, you're a fine woman.


Now, buzz off.


All right.


I'm finished.


But I'll never sing in polish again.


Hi, mr. Kanisky.


Oh, joey.


Say, come here, joey.


Would you sit on this suitcase a minute?


That's my boy.


Are you really leaving, mr. Kanisky?


Yep.


Can I have your room?


You don't b*at around the bush, do you?


Well, I hate sleeping in the chief's room.


He turns the dumb electric blanket up,


And I get all sweaty.



Oh, I'd hate that, too.


I wish we had bunk beds.


[ Chuckles ]


Bunk beds.


You know, when I was your age, I had a bunk bed.


You know, when you lie in the top bunk,


You feel almost like a king.


If I had the top bunk,


I'd always be dropping things on the other guy's head.


That's lots of fun.


Yeah, but when you're in the lower bunk,


You get to kick the other guy in the tush.


Ooh, I never thought of that.


You can get off the bag now.


You know, the chief won't even let me eat ice cream in bed.


Not let you eat ice cream in bed?


Well, I think that stinks.


There is nothing like being in the sack


With a quart of rocky road and a monster film on the tv.


Yeah.


Only you mustn't be alone.


Got to be someone to say "boo!" In the scary parts.


Yeah, besides,


Sometimes when I watch alone, I get bad dreams.


Yeah, I've had my share of them lately.


But, say, how about pistachio nuts?


You like pistachio nuts?


Oh, sure, but fig newtons are better.


Fig newtons -- now, there's heaven on earth.


Fig newtons and "king kong."


Fig newtons and "frankenstein."


Fig newtons and ice cream and "dracula"!


That is the best one yet.


Is it okay if I call you "grandpa,"


Even if you're not my real grandpa?


You know, you're the first person


To ask me if they could do something


Before they did it.


I got a better idea. Why don't you call me "stanley"?


All my best friends call me "stanley."


Okay?


Okay, stanley.


[ Chuckles ]


But, chief, please.


I can't do it, nell.


I-i-i know what you mean, but i-i just can't do it.


Look, since your mama passed away, you're all he has.


I can't say it.


What if he laughs?


You never made him laugh before.


Come on, chief, say it.


Come on, practice on me. Say it to me.


I love you.


[ Laughs ]


Hi, aunt nell.


Grandpapa, the chief has something to tell you.


I've heard it all before.


Not this.


Maybe there is something wrong with this thing.


No.


Grandpapa, there's nothing wrong with your hearing aid.


The chief just told you he loved you


The only way he can.


Ha!


Oh, grandpapa, please.


He didn't even open my present.


I lugged that thing , miles.


All right, all right, I'll open it!


This picture was taken years ago in poland.


I thought you might like a picture of your father


When he was years old...


...before he grew into a cantankerous, old fool.


I'm gonna hug you, pop.


What are you, crazy?


I'm gonna hug you now.


The hell you are.


Oh, this is it, my big moment to cry.


[ Cries ]


Well, I -- I'm gonna cry, too.


This ox is standing on my foot.


I love you, pop.


Got the fig newtons and ice cream!


Oh, good, the "werewolf of london" begins in five minutes.


Oh, boy. Last one up in bed is a rotten egg.


What's going on?


Well, if it's any of your business,


My new roommate and I


Are going to watch an old horror movie on tv.


Does this mean that you're moving in?


Of course I'm moving in,


And we're demanding bunk beds.


Come on, stanley!


I'm coming. Keep your pants up.


That's why firemen wear red suspenders.


[ Chuckles ]


That's funny, carl.


Nell, I made my father laugh.


[ Laughs ]


That was a laugh, wasn't it?


Yeah, of course it was a laugh. It was a big laugh.



I thought he was gonna fall down the steps.


[ Both laugh ]


He really laughed.


And I owe it all to you, nell.


Thank you.


Chief, I am so proud of you.


I'm gonna hug you, nell.


Chief, that is not funny.


I'm gonna hug you now.


The hell you are.


[ Werewolf howls ] [ woman screams ]


Where is everybody? Ah, there you are.


Shh! Shh!


Oh, you're watching the same movie I am.


Mind if I join you?


They're coming to the real spooky part now.


Boo!


Carl, stop clowning around.


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break