[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Sister Simone,
you must locate the Holy Grail.
I don't want to talk to It.
'Cause It k*lled your dad?
Yeah, 'cause It k*lled my dad.
Your mother is such a genius.
If I could just have a peek
inside her workshop.
[CROSSBOW WHOOSHES]
What's your name?
- Lizzie. What's yours?
- Wiley.
I've always wanted
to meet a real cowboy.
- Damn it, Lizzie!
- Hey! My name is Simone now.
What did you say when I proposed to you?
I said yes, Jesus.
The Algorithm distracts Its users,
sends them on little quests
for f*cking Wings.
You use It long enough,
It gives you Wings, right?
Wrong.
It uses you long enough,
It gives you strings.
[TENSE MUSIC]
After you find It, I will end my life.
Do you know where the Holy Grail is?
This is the last person known
to be in possession of the Grail.
Her name is Clara.
It did give me a clue a phone number.
[PHONE RINGING]
Hi, this is Clara.
My god, Clara.
I'm looking for the Grail.
Where are you?
- [PHONE BEEPING]
- Oh, we got a hit!
Number's in London.
Then I guess we're going to London.
[DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC]
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
♪
You cannot win.
♪
You're beaten.
Just let go.
Never!
♪
Why are you doing this, laddie?
Why?
Funeral or festive?
Oh, uh, really?
I already feel kind of
like I can't breathe.
The tie is the uniform of the enemy.
And if you don't wear it,
they'll sense you're not one of them.
Think it'll just be way less satisfying
when you blow their f*cking minds.
All right, all right.
Let's go with festive.
- Okay.
- [CHUCKLES]
Tonight, at the Truckee Park Arena
- Do you know how to do this?
- I don't know how to tie a tie.
Okay.
Who will be unlucky 13?
Jezebull, Jezebull, Jezebull!
Officially designated
a w*apon of mass destruction!
Tonight, at the Truckee Park Arena,
behold the unbridled fury of Jezebull!
[SUSPENSEFUL WESTERN MUSIC]
What kind of idiot would
actually get on that thing?
Well, bulls aren't actually that bad.
In fact, some of them are kind of sweet.
Respect to your bona fides, pardner,
but you haven't been in a rodeo
since you were 11.
[SOUTHERN ACCENT] Oh, well,
I'll have you know, darling,
I conquered many a steer
back when I was a young'un.
Oh, great.
Then you shouldn't be scared
of a bunch of lawyers.
Okay, let's go through it one more time.
Ready? Good. Okay.
I got this. Ow.
They'll go through their song and dance.
Then you take out the envelope,
melt their faces off.
And then they will say
[GRAVELLY VOICE] "Young man,
you can't be serious."
I'm serious. I'm serious.
I've thought about this a lot,
seriously. Uh, this decision
[NORMALLY] You don't need
to overexplain.
Right, right, right. Okay.
[GRUNTS] Okay.
I am serious.
In fact, I'm only gonna take enough
to get me and the woman I love
started in Alaska.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]
And that's it.
[GRAVELLY VOICE] Mr. Wiley, as we are
heartless attorneys unswayed
by absurd romantic notions,
are you absolutely sure
[NORMALLY] That this
is what you want to do?
♪
I have never been more sure
of anything in my entire life.
[SWELLING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC]
♪
For courage?
♪
[SIGHS]
Oh, whoo!
We're going to Alaska.
For courage.
♪
Mr. Wiley.
Your mother and father
They were wonderful people.
We were so sorry to learn
of their tragic death.
Also, happy birthday, by the way.
Oh. [CLEARS THROAT] Yes.
Thank you.
I have here a copy
of your grandfather's last will
and testament,
which states that you,
Preston John Wiley III,
on the occasion
of turning 25 years of age,
will inherit the entirety of the estate,
the value of which,
as of today, is $712 million.
I'm giving it all away.
Are you gonna ask if I'm serious?
Aren't you serious?
Oh, people!
I don't need to overexplain.
Morally, I cannot accept
this grotesque wealth,
and so I have signed
it all away to charity.
Everything except $85,000
for a cabin in Alaska
for me and the woman I love.
We're driving there today.
And there is nothing
you can do to stop us.
- There ain't
- [DING]
- No
- [DING]
- Stopping
- [DING]
- Us
- [DING]
- Now.
- [DING]
[WHISPERING] I have never been more sure
of anything in my entire life.
Great.
Whatever you want, son.
If you'll just hand over
that relinquishment
of the inheritance,
we'll do whatever you ask.
[DOOR CRASHES OPEN LOUDLY]
[TENSE WESTERN MUSIC]
♪
Bo?
You know this man?
Gentlemen, pardon the intrusion,
but I have business
with Preston Wiley here.
[LOUD METALLIC THUMP]
Son, there's a secret
that's been kept from you
your whole life,
and before you take all this money,
you got a right to know who you are.
Now, some fellas, they don't
want to know the real truth.
But if you do,
and any real cowboy would
just say, "Tell it to me straight, Bo."
And I will.
Tell it [CLEARS THROAT]
To me straight, Bo.
♪
About 20 years ago,
your grandfather knew
his foot was rearing back
to kick the bucket,
so he decreed that his inheritance
would skip a generation,
bequeathing
the whole damn piñata to you,
his beloved grandchild.
All you had to do
was live to the ripe old age of 25.
But son, you were born busted.
Your liver.
And don't ask me what it was.
I ain't no doctor.
But it was f*cked up.
Only one problem:
it weren't f*cked up enough.
Now, your mama and daddy,
they couldn't get you
on the transplant list
because the danger weren't imminent.
But if your liver quit on you,
you kicked it before you were 25,
your granddaddy's money
would stay locked up forever.
[SPITOON CLANGS]
So they hired me.
I trained you
for the junior rodeo circuit,
not because you had a talent
for riding steer
You didn't
But for another reason entirely:
to get you on the damn liver list.
I reckon you recall the All Hallows' Eve
Junior Rodeo Extravaganza,
but what you don't recall is
how doped up that animal
you were sitting on was,
nor me reaching down and
grabbing that bull's nut sack.
Now, I could barely get
his balls in my hands,
but I knew I had to get both of them.
And I did, son.
And I squeezed that bull's gem sack
one second before the two of
you sh*t out of that chute.
You were in the hospital
waiting for a liver transplant
within the hour
An adult liver you share
with that little girlfriend of yours.
Would you have made it to 25
if your family hadn't found
a way to cut the line?
No way to say.
But before you take
all your granddaddy's money
I want you to know the game was rigged.
All them ribbons and medals you won,
they weren't earned.
And I've borne this truth
all these years,
the one that you told me
to tell it to you straight.
So straight's how I'm gonna
tell it, Preston John Wiley.
Ain't nothing worse than a cowboy
who ain't worthy of his boots.
♪
[SPITOON CLANGS]
♪
Thank you for that, sir.
But Mr. Wiley was just telling us
he was giving the entire fortune away.
Really?
Well, my bad. [CHUCKLES]
Happy birthday, son.
[LAUGHS]
[PEACEFUL WESTERN MUSIC]
[PURPOSEFUL WESTERN MUSIC]
♪
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
♪
[HORN BLASTS]
[RIDER YELLS]
[HORSE NEIGHS]
[LOUD CRUNCH, BULL BELLOWS]
[EXHALES DEEPLY]
- [GROANING] Medic!
- Stop!
You better not put weight on that.
- [SCREAMING] Oh, God!
- We got a bleeder!
Medic! Medic! [GROANING]
♪
[GULPS]
♪
[BULL BELLOWS]
♪
You on the roster?
Yeah.
Should be right there on top.
So it is.
[CROWD CHEERING]
You're next up.
Pin this on tight.
Help us keep track of you,
in case he eats your face.
What?
[LAUGHS] Yee-haw!
Wiley!
Excuse me.
Lizzie. Hey, hey.
Uh, hey?
You leave me some weird message
about manhood
and tell me not to worry,
but there's something you need to do?
- Yeah.
- [SCREAMING, CRASHING]
- [BULL BELLOWS]
- Uh, wait.
Babe, please tell me this is not
what you think you need to do.
Lizzie, I'm next.
Up next for what?
[CROWD CHANTING INDISTINCTLY]
Jesus, Wi Wiley! What are you doing?
You haven't done this
since you were a kid.
No, no, no. Sweetheart.
Sweetheart, listen to me.
I have never done this, okay?
It was all fake.
Well, I have no idea
what you're talking about,
but either way, it sounds
like we're dealing
with real experience deficit.
I know. I have to ride that bull.
Well, then why
Why did you even call me
if you don't want me to stop you?
Because I didn't want to be alone.
Okay?
[SOFT TENSE MUSIC]
Preston Wiley, come on down.
♪
For courage.
This is not f*cking courage.
♪
See you in a couple minutes.
Wiley!
♪
[HORN BLASTS]
♪
[BULL BELLOWS]
♪
[BULL BELLOWS]
♪
[BULL BELLOWS, GATE CLANKS]
♪
[BULL BELLOWING]
♪
[CROWD CHANTING]
♪
ALL: Five, four,
three, two, one!
[HORN BLASTS]
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
Stop staring at him.
I'm not staring at him.
I'm surveilling him.
I don't know why I'm surveilling him.
All he does is read.
We're surveilling him
'cause he's going to lead us
straight to Clara,
who was last in possession
of the Holy Grail.
And that's the only thing we know?
We know that she has flaming red hair.
She what?
You told me the Algorithm only gave you
a phone number and a name.
[QUIRKY SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
Right.
The Algorithm also told me
that she has flaming red hair.
Are you lying to me, Lizzie?
Simone. And no.
Because lying seems
like it'd break the rules.
It's not a good look
with your little outfit.
It's not a little outfit. It's a habit.
[PHONE RINGING]
I need to take this.
I have to pray.
♪
Hey. Tell me you figured out
where the Apron Man is headed.
You know I did.
Scone, Scotland.
This off-the-grid, end-of-the-line spot
no one would give a right fart about
if it weren't for [CHUCKLES]
Excalibattle!
Excali battle?
Thousands of years ago,
this giant sword appeared
sticking out of the ground.
No one knows how or why.
It's like Stonehenge.
Except stupider.
Oh, yeah. Way stupider.
Four times a century,
they have this festival, right?
They dress up like King Arthur cosplay.
Anyway, that's where
your Apron Man is headed.
Because it's Holy Grail sh*t.
Because it's Holy Grail sh*t,
that's right.
g*dd*mn Algorithm, man. So predictable.
Cliché all day, man. Cliché all day.
- [INDISTINCT YELLING]
- Yo, what's all that noise?
I can barely hear you over there.
Oh, that? Dude! It's training day, son!
Yeah!
[BODY THUDS] Guy just did a flip.
Oi!
Are you briefing him
or trying to f*ck him, mate?
Give me that.
Hello.
How goes the quest, cowboy?
Fantastic.
Giddy up.
What about the nun?
She have any idea
you ran the fake German gambit?
[CHUCKLES]
♪
No, she does not.
Well, keep her close.
And remember what I told you.
Eyes on the prize.
And what's the prize?
Freedom.
Say it like f*cking Braveheart!
I I
[LOUDLY, THEN SOFTLY] Freedom!
You're g*dd*mn f*cking right!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Freedom!
Yeah!
[CONTEMPLATIVE MUSIC]
♪
[KNOCK AT DOOR]
Hello, Simone!
Mrs. Davis, I presume?
[ELECTRONIC CHITTERING]
Actually, here in the UK,
I'm referred to as Mum.
Oh.
I'm not calling you Mum.
- Come on in.
- So!
How's your top-secret mission
to find the Holy Grail going?
The phone number you gave us
led us to the man
in the next, uh, carriage.
It's not really top secret
if we keep chatting about it, though.
Tally-ho. Right you are, Simone.
Well, I just wanted
to give you this gift,
and I'll be on my way.
This is for your traveling
companion, Mr. Wiley.
Okay.
It's wonderful that you've reconnected
with a former lover
to help you with your quest.
God, don't call him that.
You were in love, and you no longer are.
I'm sorry. Do I have that wrong?
No, you have it exactly right.
Wonderful.
Well, enjoy the gift.
If I'd known Celeste
was traveling with you,
I would have gotten her one, as well.
- [SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]
- So
Sorry, did you just say
my mother is on this train?
[EARPOD SCREECHES]
Redirect.
What?
Sandy Springs?
[EARPOD SCREECHING] Redirect.
What's happening?
Deep in my heart, I am warrior.
Sorry, wha
- 1042.
- [EARPOD SCREECHING]
What?
Celeste.
She's in the dining car
at this very moment.
Were you not aware?
I was not.
♪
Hey.
My f*cking mother is on this train.
Whoa, you curse? So what are the rules?
Did you say your mom?
♪
Father.
Sister.
[HAUNTING MUSIC]
♪
Mother.
Hello, Elizabeth.
Oh, sh*t.
I see you're still running
around with rodeo clowns.
Yeah, hi.
It's awesome to see you, too, Celeste.
What are you doing here?
Following you, of course.
Why why are you following me?
Why did you decide,
after nearly a decade
of unremarkable convent life,
to suddenly pack your bags
and travel to the United Kingdom?
- The question, Mother
- [CLEARS THROAT]
He's trying to get by or something.
Why don't we just sit down?
Sit down, sit down.
Excuse me, excuse me.
[DISHES CLATTERING]
The question is, Mother,
how you even knew I was here.
I run the most successful security firm
in the Western United States.
Of course I'm going to keep tabs
on my daughter's whereabouts,
especially when she's booking
international travel to a hot zone.
Yeah. So you're still doing this.
What is a hot zone?
Hot zones are areas where my quarry
is most likely to hide.
For the millionth time,
he is dead, Mother.
- Dead and gone.
- No.
He is not dead.
Your father is very much alive.
He is alive, and laughing
at everyone he duped.
But he did not dupe me.
And to pull off what he did,
to maintain a lifestyle in exile,
he would require an accomplice
of extraordinary skill,
and someone above reproach.
Like a nun.
You think I became a nun
so I could help Dad fake his death?
Why else would you become a nun?
For what it's worth, I don't blame you
for however he convinced you
to help him hide.
You always saw the best in people,
even when they gave you every reason
to see how unworthy
of that trust they were.
It became somewhat of a pattern.
I am not hiding him.
Everyone's hiding something, Elizabeth.
Like a loaded crossbow
in a secret workshop?
[TENSE MUSIC]
I warned you not to go in there.
And I'm warning you
to stay away from us.
Dad's gone.
He d*ed right in front of me.
It was horrible.
Do what I did, Mother. Move on.
♪
As you wish.
Wishes are for little girls.
BOTH: Don't.
[INTERCOM CHIMES]
Now arriving at Courrour Station.
Now that you know that I am here,
there is no way that you
are leading me to him,
so I'll be going.
But you should know
I don't move on, Elizabeth.
I move towards.
♪
You want to talk about it?
Yeah.
Just not with you.
♪
No, take your time.
We still have, like,
three hours before we get to
[GONG RINGS]
[SOFT FLUTE MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
Well, we're here.
♪
Meat pies! Meat pies!
♪
Nappies! Nappies! Get your nappies here!
No toilet breaks!
Extra-absorbent nappies for big boys!
Is that man selling diapers?
Pure, concentrated coffee balls.
Don't fall asleep, get them here cheap.
All right, whatever.
Coffee balls.
[HORN BLASTS]
All would-be kings,
the contest shall commence
in two minutes!
- [INDISTINCT YELLING]
- What the f*ck?
Contest?
[INDISTINCT YELLING]
That's him.
That's Apron Man.
And that must be Clara.
See the red hair?
Oh, sh*t.
- Do we just go up to her, or
- [HORN BLASTS]
At the sound of the ram's horn,
any contender without a helmet
will be eliminated.
What's up? What are you doing?
I'm gonna get a helmet,
or I'll get eliminated.
- Eliminated from what?
- Whatever he's doing.
Look, the Apron Man
is joining the contest.
So I'm gonna join the contest,
find out what he knows.
We needed him to lead us to Clara.
- That's Clara.
- Yes, exactly.
You follow Clara, I follow him.
All right? I got this.
You got what?
Wiley!
[ENERGETIC MUSIC]
♪
[CROWD CHANTING]
♪
[CROWD CHEERING]
♪
Hey. Wiley. Good to meet you.
Okay.
Get ready, gents.
ALL: Five, four,
three, two
[HORN BLASTS]
[FOOTFALLS RUMBLING]
[TENSE MUSIC]
Does somebody know
what the f*ck we're doing?
♪
What the what the f*ck
are we doing, though?
Are we doing are we where
Are we being chased?
♪
[CONTESTANTS YELLING]
♪
What the f*ck?
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
[CROWD YELLING]
[ENERGETIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC]
♪
[CHORAL VOCALIZING]
♪
[METAL CLANGING]
♪
[HORN BLASTS]
[ALL CHEERING]
Behold, Excalibur!
[CROWD CHEERING]
Those not connected to the sacred blade
are hereby eliminated.
Leave the field of battle now!
Unworthy!
ALL: Unworthy!
Unworthy!
Friends.
Roughly four times a century,
the Sun, Moon, and Venus
align in a celestial syzygy.
One such syzygy occurred the very day
a young man named Arthur
pulled the sword of destiny
from a stone,
proving himself the one true king.
For any man who has failed,
fallen short,
or disappointed, now is your chance
for glorious redemption.
Here, in this sacred place,
you can at last learn the truth.
Are you worthy?
For the one amongst you strong enough,
brave enough, worthy enough
to hold your hand upon the blade
longer than the rest,
oh, the glory and honor you will carry
for the rest of your days!
A handsome cash prize, not to mention
[SUSPENSEFUL ORCHESTRAL MUSIC]
Free neeps and tatties for life
at McNaughton's Savoury Restaurants.
The rules are simple.
Keep one hand upon the blade
at all times.
If you let go, you are unworthy.
But should you be the last one
with your hand upon that sacred steel,
there can be no doubt
that you are the
ALL: One true king!
One true king!
One true king!
One true king!
The contest has begun!
The crier will now make
the official count.
[COUNTER CLICKING]
[UPBEAT FOLK MUSIC]
♪
[BOTH MOUTHING WORDS]
♪
[SHIVERING]
♪
Well.
Just go
[TENSE WESTERN MUSIC]
[BULL BELLOWS]
♪
Crier, do we have the count?
How many souls on the sword?
We have 47 souls, sir!
[SNEEZES]
[GROANS]
46 souls, sir.
[LAUGHTER]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[HORN BLASTS]
♪
[BELL RINGS]
Two hours on the sword,
and still 46 brave souls left.
♪
Call for you, sir.
♪
From the lady on the perimeter.
The nun, sir.
♪
Wiley? Test, test.
Oh my God. I can't believe this works.
Any progress with Apron Man?
Uh
negative.
I am playing it cool.
What about Red?
Found the hotel where she's staying in.
So she checked in
under the name Celeste.
Weird. That's your mom's name.
I mean, Mathilde. Mathilde.
She checked in under the name Mathilde.
I followed her that was not
a Freudian slip, by the way.
- I'm not even thinking about my mom.
- Obviously.
I followed Mathilde, which is an alias,
because she's clearly Clara, to a bank.
And it looks like she's a banker,
which is, like,
the opposite of my mother.
Do you wanna talk about your mom?
No, and why are
you not talking to Apron Guy?
Because I'm biding my time.
You know, it's starting to feel like
you don't care about him at all
and you're just here
for the dumb sword game.
All right. You want me to talk to him?
♪
Fine.
[CAN CLATTERS]
Hey!
Oh, excuse me.
Hey, my man. In the apron.
Sorry. Excuse me.
I'm gonna squeeze by. Don't mind me.
I'm just going to sorry, man.
I'm talking to my friend here.
What's up?
Saw you talking
to a redhead earlier, you dog.
Is that your wife?
f*ck off!
♪
Sorry. [GRUNTS SOFTLY]
♪
If you're looking to get him to talk,
half a day on the sword,
and any man will be singing
like a songbird.
Trust me. You'll see.
[SIGHS]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
Ally bally, ally bally bee ♪
Sitting on your mammy's knee ♪
Greeting for another bawbee ♪
To buy mair Coulter's candy ♪
[BAGPIPES PLAYING]
Greeting for another bawbee,
to buy mair Coulter's candy ♪
- Ally bally, ally bally be ♪
- [SCREAMS]
When you grow up,
you'll go off to sea ♪
Mammy hand me my thrifty doon ♪
Here's old Coulter coming roon ♪
With a basket on his croon ♪
Selling Coulter's candy ♪
- [SINGING CONTINUING]
- [BLOWS NOSE]
[BAGPIPE PLAYING]
Oh, will you stop that piping?
[SCREAMS]
[PIPING CEASES]
[HORN BLASTS]
[CLAPS]
Oh, crap.
You, out!
[HORN BLASTS]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
Greeting for a wee bawbee ♪
[SNARLS]
When you grow up, you'll go to sea ♪
[CLOCK TICKING]
I need you to try again with Apron Man.
- I was searching Mathilde's room
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- You broke into her room?
- I mean, I picked the lock.
I pick locks.
Yeah, that doesn't seem very nun-like.
Dummy, focus.
I was going through Clara's
[CLEARS THROAT]
Mathilde's suitcase,
and I saw she packed a wetsuit
and like, those water socks
with the individual toes.
Anyway, I need you
to get whatever intel you can
from Apron Man,
because I think Mathilde is planning
on bringing the Grail
to a body of water,
which isn't exactly specific
considering, you know,
we are surrounded by ocean and lakes.
Lochs. They're called lochs.
But not the kind you pick.
You okay?
- Yeah.
- You sound goofy.
I'm not goofy.
Just yeah, it's my legs.
My feet. It's just, they're k*lling me.
Hang on. I'm sending you something.
[PANTING]
Careful.
From the lady.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Where do you get these?
Uh, Mrs. Davis gave them to me.
She said they were for my former
My my traveling companion.
Ew! f*ck that. I don't want these.
Can can you talk
to Apron Man about water?
I need to know where Clara's headed.
Don't worry, okay? I got this.
[SCREAMS]
- [THUMPS]
- [ALL EXCLAIM]
[HORN BLASTS]
[GROANING]
Did you see that?
No, what?
[BELL RINGING]
18 hours on the sword!
[QUIRKY DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
[SNORING]
[HORN BLASTS]
[BELL RINGING]
19 hours on the sword!
21 hours on the sword!
Are you worthy?
[HORNS BLARING]
22 hours on the sword!
23 hours on the sword!
- 19 souls left.
- [HORN BLASTS]
[SNORING]
♪
I can't feel my legs!
Oh, God! I can't feel my legs!
- [HORN BLASTS]
- [SCREAMING]
♪
Screw it.
[BELL RINGING]
And that's 24 hours on the sword.
♪
[SNORTS]
No!
[BULL BELLOWS]
Call for you, sir.
Talk to me.
Hello, my son.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
♪
I was just wondering
if you could tell me
where did you get
those incredible shoes?
From your mom!
[LAUGHS]
From your mom, Father.
[CLOCK TICKING]
[CROW CAWING]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
♪
Do you know what it's like
to love a woman so deeply
and yet remain
completely invisible to her?
♪
I do know what that's like.
I've been put out to pasture,
removed from my position.
But if I can just keep my hand
on this bloody blade long enough,
she'll see what a mistake she's made
and take me back.
♪
And she,
this woman who sacked you,
she's out at the lake right now?
- The loch.
- Right.
And what loch is it, again?
Even though I already know.
It's the Loch Drumellie, of course.
It's the one with big trees
that do this.
[CROW CAWING]
[HORN BLASTS]
Oh, bother.
[BAGPIPE PLAYING]
♪
[CLOCK TICKING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Loch of Drumellie.
There's been a lot of activity
around the bank in town.
These women in pantsuits,
coming and going.
I think they're preparing
for some kind of transfer,
since tonight is the syzygy.
Mm. Transfer. I get it.
Because they're bankers.
What? No.
A transfer of the Grail,
which is happening
at the Loch of Drumellie.
So come on, let's go. I got us bikes.
I'm staying.
What?
I can win this thing.
I knew it.
This this was never about
you helping me with Apron Man.
He's out, and you're still here.
For what? For what?
Free neeps and tatties?
No, I'm still here, Lizzie,
because I am the one true king,
and that horned f*ck over there
is the only thing standing
between me and my destiny.
You know what? You do your destiny, pal.
I am going after the Grail.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[ENGINE REVVING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
♪
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
♪
[GRAVEL CRUNCHING]
♪
[EERIE MUSIC]
♪
Holy sh*t.
♪
[GASPS]
I didn't think you'd be
stupid enough to show up.
In this ridiculous costume, no less.
Okay, it's not a costume. It's, um
My Frilly told me you called.
You better not be making trouble, Clara.
Okay, whoa. We are
We are really in the weeds here.
Okay, let's just start with
[GRUNTS]
[HEAD THUDS]
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
Oh, sh*t.
♪
Oh, thank God.
Oi, Mathilde!
[BANKERS CALLING]
- Mathilde?
- Come on ahead.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[SNARLING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
You cannot win.
You're beaten.
Just let go.
Never!
Why are you doing this?
[SCREAMS]
There is a storm on the horizon.
Take cover.
Rain's a-coming. Get your umbrellas.
Wiley! Hey, I need a can.
I wouldn't distract
the contestants, milady.
- Not with only two left.
- Who's left?
The one they call Horns,
and your man with the Wings.
My man with the what?
Wings, milady.
Wings. [CHUCKLES]
Oh, he is a man of great honor.
This is why I chose him as my liege.
And also why I gave you
all those free calls.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
m*therf*cker.
Milady!
♪
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
Attention, spectator!
You are not authorized
to enter the contest area!
- Hey!
- [SCREAMS]
Lizzie, I don't think
you can come up here.
Lizzie, I don't think
You have Wings?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Why?
- Wait!
- Why?
Will you just take it easy?
Why do you have Wings?
It's complicated.
- Are you working for Her?
- Oh, God. Lizzie, please.
You said you hated Her,
but you have Wings!
I do hate Her!
You liar.
You do whatever She tells you to do!
That that's the only way to get them!
That's not the only way.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[GRUNTS]
What is that?
♪
It's an expiration date.
When you get one, She
The Algorithm,
It gives you a*t*matic Wings.
It's a shortcut. No quests.
All you have to do is turn yourself in
when your time comes.
Turn yourself in when your time's up?
What, you do you mean die?
♪
Wiley, why would you do
something like that?
Because
I wanted people to look at me
and see that I mattered.
That I was worthy of my boots.
[LAUGHS]
That's why you won't let go. [LAUGHS]
Get f*cked!
What the f*ck are you
even doing here, man?
You horny f*ck!
Good luck trying to get me off,
m*therf*cker!
Because this time,
I'm riding you, Jezebull!
Oh, sh*t.
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
This is about the rodeo.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
For courage.
♪
See you in a couple of minutes.
Wiley
♪
CROWD: Three, two, one
[HORN BLARES]
[BULL BELLOWS]
♪
[BULL BELLOWS]
♪
ALL: Coward!
Coward!
Coward!
I'll never forget how you looked at me
after I got off that bull.
It was like the light in your eyes,
the light for me, just went out.
[THUNDER CRASHING]
Just tell me the truth.
That was when you stopped
loving me, wasn't it?
That day, in that instant.
Because you saw me for what I really am.
A coward.
Okay, okay, okay.
[IRMA THOMAS' "ANYONE
WHO KNOWS WHAT LOVE IS"]
No more secrets.
See you in a couple minutes.
Wiley
[DELICATE MUSIC]
I was helpless.
In an instant, you were
getting on that monster,
and I knew I couldn't stop you.
I knew there wasn't going
to be Alaska anymore.
There wasn't going to be you anymore,
because you were gonna die.
So I did what I'd only
ever seen other people do
Please save him, please save him,
please save him.
I put my hands together, and I prayed.
- [WIND HOWLING]
- What?
I was willing to do anything.
"Please save him," I said.
Please save him, please save him,
please save him.
They can't see you ♪
And then I wasn't at the rodeo anymore.
I was somewhere else.
♪
A restaurant.
I didn't understand, but somehow,
I I knew I wasn't dreaming.
I knew that it was really happening.
♪
Then I saw him.
Anyone, anyone ♪
And it didn't matter that
up until that very second,
I didn't believe in him.
I just knew who he was.
Anyone ♪
For the ones ♪
Who pity me ♪
And he fed me.
♪
Anyone ♪
'Cause they just don't know ♪
Anyone ♪
Oh, they don't know what
happiness and love can be ♪
It was love at first sight.
Undeniable.
Absolute.
Forever.
I know to ever let you go ♪
Oh, is more ♪
Than I ♪
You're right.
Everything did change that day.
In an instant.
♪
Who knows what love is ♪
Wiley, you didn't get off that bull
- because you were a coward.
- [THUNDER CRACKS]
You did it because I asked
him to save you, and he did!
[RAIN PATTERING]
You went to a restaurant?
Yes.
You ate there?
Falafel.
And this isn't like, a metaphor.
This is this is actual.
This is like, a real place.
It is as real as it gets, man.
And uh, this guy
He is who I think he is?
Yes.
And look, I wanted to tell you,
to help you move on.
But I
I didn't think you'd believe me.
You didn't think I would believe
that on the worst day of my life,
you teleported to a restaurant
and met fell in love with
- The Messiah
- I
And he [STAMMERS] he fed you falafel.
It was really good.
I mean, I always wondered
if there was someone else, Lizzie.
But I really didn't anticipate
I lost out to the King of f*cking Kings.
[CHUCKLES] To Jesus?
To Jesus g*dd*mn Christ?
That's not don't say it like that.
Don't blaspheme your husband?
I can't call your husband the
guy that stole my girlfriend
I can't call him Jesus
m*therf*cking g*dd*mn Christ?
f*ck you, Jesus f*cking
g*dd*mn m*therf*cking Christ!
- [THUNDER CRASHING]
- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
Am I dead?
No such luck, idiot.
Did I win?
They gave you a pin.
So yeah.
Congrats. You are worthy.
Yay.
Got to take him now, sister.
Can I ride with him?
I'm afraid only patients
allowed in the back.
Wiley, I saw the Grail.
The women, those bankers. They have it.
We're so close.
With all due respect, Lizzie,
I don't give a sh*t
about the Holy Grail.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]
You sure about that?
♪
I've never been more sure
of anything in my entire life.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
[SIREN WAILING]
♪
[SIREN WAILING]
♪
You know where we can find the lad
that was struck by lightning?
Uh, the other ambulance just took him.
What other ambulance?
[TENSE DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
[TIRES SCREECH]
[ENGINE SHUTS OFF]
♪
[DOOR OPENS]
♪
All right, my son.
Now that we've finally got
some time to ourselves
[AMERICAN ACCENT] I'm looking forward
to discussing where you got those shoes.
What the oh, sh*t.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait
♪
[BELL TOLLS]
[JAUNTY BAGPIPE MUSIC]
♪
01x03 - A Baby With Wings, a Sad Boy With Wings and a Great Helmet
Faith and technology are at odds as a nun confronts an all-knowing, all-powerful artificial intelligence called Mrs. Davis.