02x03 - Money Talks, Maddie Walks

Episode transcripts for the TV series, "Moonlighting". Aired: March 3, 1985 – May 14, 1989.*
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Series revolved around cases investigated by the Blue Moon Detective Agency and its two partners, Maddie & David.
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02x03 - Money Talks, Maddie Walks

Post by bunniefuu »

MOONLIGHTING I DON'T WANT TO LIVE LIKE THIS.

I CAN'T GO ON Lady, lady, lady.

Downshift a minute.

- Are you mad at me?

- Why would you think that?

I sensed some anger when we were in the elevator and you told the other passengers I had hepatitis.

- I don't know what came over me.

- Hey, it's okay.

I don't mind taking the stairs, as long as you're not ticked.

We had that account.

Now, see?

I sense some anger in your tone.

We could've been in charge of security for all Chicken Lickin stores.



- You blaming this on me?



- Mr.

Lickin was eating out of my hand.



- I beg to differ.



- You should be beging for mercy.



- All I did was ask one little question.



- One little question?

Haven't you ever wonder what happens to the eyes, the beaks and the feet?

Don't do it, don't jump.

Good, we didn't miss the floor show.

This belt This belt is a $ 100 Italian leather belt.

I love this belt.

This shirt this is a $500 silk shirt.

Do you know how many caterpillars had to spin their behinds off to make this shirt?

I'm gonna fall.

I'm gonna die.

It's gonna be a mess.

Would one of you people like this shirt?

What are you raising your hand for?

You're not getting into this shirt.

You're a portly, as sure as I'm standing here.

The man in green.

This guy's watching shows that aren't listed in the TV Guide.



- I know that man.



- That's okay.

I'm your friend too.

It doesn't make me wanna end it all.

Officer, I know that man.

Is there anything I can do to help?

Let's go.



- What am I supposed to say?



- Anything.

Just get him talking, but keep him calm.

The departmental psychiatrist will be here in five minutes.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.



- I can't do this.



- What are you talking about?



- I can't do this.



- Wait, wait, wait.

Get a grip on yourself.

You're gonna do this great.

I can't talk to someone who might jump if I say the wrong thing.

What are you talking about?

There's no way you can make this guy feel worse.

Besides, you're not gonna say the wrong thing.

You never say the wrong thing, that's me.

You, you're gonna do this great.



- I am?



- Get out there, champ.

And whatever you do, don't you take your shirt off.

Charles.

Hi, Charles.

Are you talking to me?

Don't you remember me?

Maddie.



- Maddie Hayes?



- That's right, Maddie.

Oh, gosh, Maddie Hayes.

What are you doing here?

What are you doing out here, Charles?

Oh, I'll tell you, Mad.

It's the damnedest thing.

I've been drinking myself silly.

I started smoking.

Three packs a day.

Last night I was coughing, I started throwing up all over myself then I realized, what I wanna do is die.

I mean, I'm trying to k*ll myself.

But smoking and drinking could take years.

So I came in early and there was no one here.

I climbed out.

I thought it was gonna be easy like stepping off a diving board.

I could really use a drink and smoke.

I know what you're going through.



- No, you don't.



- Yes, I do.

No, you don't.

I'm I'm broke.

I'm broker than broke.

Busted.

I don't know how to do broke, Maddie.

I mean some guys, it looks good on them.

Me?

People could barely tolerate me when I was rich.

No one's even gonna talk to me now.

I hate this.

I'm not equipped to deal with poverty, Maddie.

I know what you're going through, Charles.

I really do.

I'm broke too.

My accountant ran off with millions.

Millions.

I woke up one morning and gone.

Maddie, were you a client of Ron Sawyer's too?

You too?

Who'd have thought that little worm was such a devious little worm?

Not me.

Well, it's almost lunchtime.

Sidewalk's gonna be pretty packed soon.



- Charles!

- What are you yelling for?

Do you want me to k*ll myself?

I'm sorry.

But don't you understand?



- Don't you see?



- See what?

This is a wonderful opportunity for you.



- It is?



- Yes! Absolutely, positively.

It may look and feel like the end of the world.

But, Charles, I'm living proof that this is your chance for a new life.

I don't want a new life.

I want my old life or I don't want any life at all.

I don't believe that.

I don't believe that at all.

The Charles I knew was deeper than that.

He saw the value of life.

More than just what he was worth or could buy.

He lived life to the hilt whether it was lying on the beach at Cannes or playing Monopoly on a rainy day with a model binging on Cheetos.

Charles, no! Please, stop! Just think a minute! Were you really all that happy being rich?

Were you really all that happy?

Deliriously so, yes.

Well, all right then, jump.

Very moving, very touching.

I especially liked the part about the Cheetos.

Is this girl a great closer, or what?

I told you I wouldn't be able to do it.

Isn't that stupid psychiatrist here yet?

Won't come up.

Afraid of heights.



- The Birdman of Alcatraz is moving.



- I'm sorry, Charles.

Wait a second, he's moving towards the window.

Tell me more about the Charles you knew.

He was a survivor.

Like me.

Come on.

Someday, you and me, Charlie, we're gonna find that Sawyer bum

- What are you talking about?

I know where he is.



- You do?



- Yes, he built a casino with our money.

Somewhere in Buenos Aires.

Buenos Aires?

Charles.

Relax, will you?



- Buenos Aires, you're sure?



- What difference does it make?

Buenos Aires.

Sawyer, the man who took my money is in Buenos Aires.

Buenos Aires, ain't that near buenas noches?



- Where is Buenos Aires?



- Where did you leave it?

He said Sawyer built a casino with my money.

That's gotta be tough to hear.

No sense in dwelling on pain.

What do you say we

-?



- I'm going down there, David.



- Down where?



- To Buenos Aires.

It is down, isn't it?



- It might be over.

Wherever it is, I'm going.



- Can I ask you why?



- Sure?



- Why?



- Because.



- Maddie

- David.

what you're experiencing is an emotional reaction

- to this man who is using money

- The guy stole my money.



- that used to belong to you

-

- It still belongs to me.



- Consider the realities of flying down

- I'm gonna find him

- you'll see, it's not rational.



- then I'm gonna k*ll him.

But, hey, you make up your own mind.

I want the next flight to Buenos Aires.

Dial slow.



- Let me talk some sense to you.



- That'll be a first.



- Why are you going?



- To get back what's mine.

It was yours.

It's gone, understand?

Kiss it bye

-bye, will you?



- Thanks.



- I'm telling the truth.

Isn't it enough, the guy bamboozled you?

Now you gotta go there so he can laugh at you?



- He's not going to laugh.



- Oh, yes, he is.



- He's not going to laugh.



- He's gonna roar!

- Out of my way.



- Tell me something.

What's gonna happen when you're there?



- I'm not having this conversation.



- You're just gonna walk up to him say, "How's it going?

Give me my money.

" What he's doing is illegal.

That's why he went to South America.

Do you think Vegas is out of casinos?

You're not gonna get your money.

You couldn't understand.

I need to let this man know what he's done to me.



- He's done it, isn't that enough?



- No.

I want him to look me in the eye and tell me I'm never gonna see my money again.

In that case, have a wonderful trip, because that's what's gonna happen.

Listen to me, I'm your friend.



- Stop dreaming.



- I'm dreaming?

Your future is here, not Buenos Aires.

Your fortune is here.

Addison, I hate not knowing where the next client is coming from and if the next phone call is gonna be somebody angry because I haven't paid a bill.

I hate balancing my checkbook every week.

I hate stopping to think before I use my credit card.

I hate shopping for bargains and I hate seeing something in a store window, and thinking: "Someday" instead of "today.

" I hate that! And I hate this.



- Things are tough all over, kid.



- Not all over, kid.



- Don't go.



- I'm going.



- Don't go.



- I'm going.



- Don't go.



- Goodbye.

Fine.

Go.

See if I care.



- Thank you.



- Is there any way you'll ever be able to forgive me?

Forgive you?

This is about the most humiliating moment of my life.

You wouldn't know this, how could you but of all the people I've worked for you're the one whose respect I valued most.



- Really?



- Wanna hear something else?

I always knew you'd track me down, always knew you'd find me.

Because that's the type of woman you are.

Clever, smart, determined You're right, Ron.

You had Mr.

Lickin eating out of the palm of your hand, didn't you?



- I did, didn't I?



- You sure did.

That's why, now that I've return your money is there any way

-?

Do you think that I can be your accountant again?

I have to go, Ron.

Welcome to Buenos Aires.

Mr.

Addison.

Ms.

DiPesto, what are you doing here?

Standing.

Hey, Agnes you ever been in the office this early before?



- Every morning.



- Got a pretty cool sunrise here.

So I came in to the office bright and shiny this morning.

Got down to work about 7:20.

Started tying up loose ends, putting out fires.

I love this job.

What time you got?



- 7:28.



- Well I'm back in the saddle and I don't mind telling you, I feel pretty good.

Been counting on other people for a while now and I've learned something.

There's only one person that you count on, that's yourself.

I mean, you're born alone and you die alone, right?

Right.

Except for your mother.



- What?



- Well lots of times, when people are born, the mother is there.

Although, I don't suppose they have to be.

Things were great before what's

-her

-name showed up.



- Ms.

Hayes?



- I mean, was this a great job or what?



- It was.



- Good people.

Good times.

A great gig.

No deadlines.

No arguments.

No pressure.

No cases.

But it was great.

Yeah, it was.

She didn't even ask me to go with her.

What's

-her

-name?



- I'm sorry.



- What?

I don't care.

What time is it?



- 7:31.



- Yeah.

Well I got a lot of work to do.

Figuring out what magazines to put in the lobby.

What do you think?

You think g*ns & a*mo is a little too rough and tumble.

We'll make it a "maybe.

" For what it's worth I miss her too.

Didn't know I had this much money.

Hello.

May I be of some assistance?

Yes, I'm looking for Mr.

Sawyer.

Mr.

Ronald Sawyer.



- Is he expecting you?



- No.

In fact, I'm sure he isn't.

I'm Madelyn Hayes.

Mr.

Sawyer doesn't see anyone without an appointment.

I think he'll see me.



- And your name again?



- Madelyn Hayes.

You shaved your moustache.

I wanted to get an even tan.

You're a long way from home, Maddie.

Yes.

I think you and I have something to discuss.

Do we?

I can't think of a nicer way to pass the time.

Tell them to keep playing without me.

I'll get there later.

These crazy games go on for days.



- Can I offer you a drink?



- No, thanks.

Do you mind if I smoke?



- Won't you have a seat?



- No, I won't have a seat and no, I don't want a drink.

I didn't fly 7000 miles to sit and drink with a man who robbed me of everything I own.

Then why did you come, Maddie.

Wait.

Don't answer.

You happened, through some twist of fate, to discover where I was.

Full of rage and a passion for justice, you grabbed the first flight down.

Sure that the mere power of your presence would be too much for me.

That I would fall to my knees, beg your forgiveness and return to you all the money that's rightfully yours.

Won't you please have a seat now?



- Scotch okay?



- Fine.

I'm never sure.

Women in Paris do.

Well Madelyn Hayes, what would you like to say to me after all this time?

I hate you.

You stole everything I own.

Come on, Madelyn, not quite everything.

You still have the beautiful mansion, an expensive car and I even read you made a go of that bogus detective agency.

I do keep up on these things.

I would never let you starve.

Why are you talking like this?

Like we're friends.

You're a thief.

You robbed me.

Semantics.

I see it as a business move.

Smartest move I ever made.

I spent 14 years as an honest accountant.

I made a lot of money for a lot of people.

And one day I realized, by taking figures out of one column and putting them in another column, they all of a sudden became real.

They became things, stuff, freedom.

My things, my stuff, my freedom.

What do you expect me to do?

I am not going to give it back.

You know, you always were my favorite client.

I always looked forward to seeing you.

Maybe because you're so damn beautiful.

I can't tell you how little that means to me.

That's going to make this negotiation very difficult.

Garcia, Lorca! Show Ms.

Hayes downstairs and offer her the hospitality of the casino.

Chips to gamble with, champagne and a suite of rooms, if she wishes.

It was a pleasure seeing you again, Madelyn.

The pleasure was all yours, Ron.

This really isn't necessary, honest.

Tell Mr.

Sawyer I'm having a delightful time, really.

This is better than braces.

Dinner.

I'm going to have dinner, all right, okay?

Do you realize, if we tore you two guys down we could put up a school or hospital where you're standing?



- Señorita, you have a reservation?



- Guest of Mr.

Sawyer's.

Good evening, madam.

Right this way, please.

That won't be necessary.

Just bring the most expensive thing on the menu.

Two of them.

Would you like some wine, perhaps?

We have a lovely Marseille '41.

No, I think I'll have champagne.

Dom Pérignon '76, if you have it.

A magnum will do.

Is the lady expecting a guest?

No, the lady is expecting to christen a battleship.

Very well, madam.

Things are tough all over, kid.

Here we are, madam.

This one's really in there.

Hell of an entrance, huh?



- Where did you come from?



- What's the matter?

You never had a Barbie and Ken doll?

You see, there was this bird and this bee.



- I'm in the union.



- I can't believe you're here.

Touch me.

You're right.

If it's love, it's worth waiting for.

I need a drink.

Too much blood in your alcohol system?

Thanks.

You got a no

-spill mug?



- Why are you here?



- Why am I here?

The fun, the sun, the k*ller bees

- the topless beaches.



- That's Brazil.

Well, you've seen one pair of k*ller bees, you've seen them all.

So, what is it, kid?

Cheers or tears?



- He laughed at you, didn't he?



- No, he didn't.

Actually, it went quite well.

You're gonna get your money back?

It's a difficult process.

I'll probably have my lawyer take over.

Right.

Right.

So how are things at the agency?

Terrific.

Couldn't be terrificker.



- Right.



- Right.

I feel like such a fool.

You were right, you were right all along.

Don't say that.

All right, you can say it once more.

Seeing him, looking him in the eye, wasn't even fun.

There was nobody there, nobody home.

Guy must have hocked his soul to build this place.



- I'm ready to go home.



- Wait a second.

You came down here to get some of your money back.

Addison, haven't you heard a word I've said?



- Here we are.



- The lady and I changed our mind.

See if you could wrap this up to go for me, will you?

Put a rush on it, will you?

I got the kids and the dog in the car.



- I'll give you a lesson in economics.



- You will?



- Who owns this casino?



- Sawyer.



- Who wins the money people lose here?



- Sawyer.



- Who loses the money people win here?



- Sawyer.

So give me some money.

Do you know what you're doing?

Taking candy from a baby.

Then I'm gonna take more candy from another baby.



- I just had a terrible thought.



- What else is new?



- What if you lose?



- Me, lose?

People do lose, you know.

I can't afford to lose right now.

Mostly because I'd rather die than let Sawyer get any more of my money.



- I hate that man.



- Maddie, I'm not gonna lose.

New sh**t, coming out.

Place your bets.



- How do you know you won't lose?



- Does felt feel?

Do dice die?

I got a system.



- Yeah, what's your system?



- Luck.

It didn't take you long to work that out.

It's something you're born with.

It's like Zen, it's, like, kind of mystical, kind of like ESP.

Change only, please.

You gotta let them know you're a winner.

Let them know you got money coming out of the upholstery.

You train your dog with it, toss your salad with it or, in this case, that you eat clam dip with it.

I'm a lucky streak waiting to happen.



- How long have you been waiting?



- Doctor, dice please.

Let the dice know how you feel about them.

Hi, I'm okay.

You're okay?

Okay.

Seven.

Front line winner.

You won! Blow them a kiss.

Oh, they like that.

Eleven.

Winner.



- You won twice.



- Sure, I won twice.

Welcome to ground zero.

I'm gonna bust this joint wide open.

Eleven.

Front line winner.



- You won!

- Let it ride.



- Addison, maybe we

-

- Not now, I'm on a roll.

Craps.

A front line loser.

I'm off a roll.



- Let's try my system.



- Your system?

My system.

What bet makes the most money?

Double sixes, boxcars, pays 31, but it's a terrible bet.

Boxcars.

New sh**t, coming out.

Place your bets.

Blow them a kiss?

Fine.

I'll blow it myself.

It's a pair of boxcars.

Holy craps.

God, that was fun.

Winning 20 grand is your idea of fun?

Boy, are you a cheap date.

Twenty

-thousand dollars of Sawyer's money.

My money.



- Thank you.



- Don't thank me, thank lady luck.



- Luck?

$20,000 isn't luck.



- Winning $20,000 is definitely luck.

Baccarat, craps, roulette.

Games of chance, my friend.

Oh, God, $20,000.

Now, poker.

There's your game of skill.

That's a man's game.

A game for men who shave with knives.

Beer

-can crushers, cold

-cut eaters.



- Do tell.



- Stud poker, that's my game.

You know what they used to call me?



- Lord, help us.



- "Ace in the hole" Addison.

I used to b*at all the kids out of their lunch money.

Speaking of lunch how about we stick around and cook this town up for a few days?

I don't know.

After all the things I did, all things I said.

I still can't believe you flew down here.

Well, that's me.

That's my way.

It's my nature.

Old, unbelievable Addison.

Addison, I think we better just take the redeye back home.

Madelyn.

My floor man told me about your terrific luck.



- How much did you win?



- Twenty

-thousand dollars.

Twenty

-thousand, that's terrific.

Really, you won 20,000?

That's so cute.

Wasn't it fun?

Of course it was.



- You must be Mr.

Hayes.



- Ten

-four, buddy.

And by the way, Maddie's mom and I are having a terrific time here.

I'm really her kid brother.

I matured early.

Tough childhood.

Raised in a pup tent.

Ron, this is my business associate, David Addison.



- David, the infamous Ron Sawyer.



- Pleasure to meet you.

Saw your brother Tom's movie.

Loved the fencing scene.

Well, I am glad you didn't go away empty

-handed.

I feel better that you had a good time.

Excuse me, but I have a card game waiting for me.

Maddie, don't be such a stranger, huh?

Doggone, before you met me you were in business with some dubious characters.



- He thinks it's cute.



- What's cute?



- He thinks it's cute we won $20,000.



- Who cares what he thinks?

Twenty grand is nothing to sneeze at.

You aren't kidding.

He wipes his nose with it.

Damn it! I care.

I care what he thinks.

No, you don't.

We did what we set out to do.

Like hell we did.

I set out to get my money back.



- Maddie, that's a dream.



- Who says?

Says anybody who knows anything.

Casinos are not in the business to lose money.



- I just won $20,000.



- That means another slob lost $25,000.

Don't you understand, Maddie?

Lady luck works for the house.

Let's just take the 20 grand

- get on a plane, back to LA and

-

- And what?

And get on with it.

Maddie, your money's gone.

Twenty grand is all you'll get from this casino.

All right.

Let's forget the casino.



- Now you're talking.



- You and Sawyer.

No casino.

No luck.



- No understand.



- Poker.

Stud poker.

He's got a game going on right now back there.



- What are we gonna do, just bust in?



- Sure.

What happened to "Ace in the hole" Addison?

Don't you shave with a Kn*fe?

Don't you eat cold cuts?



- That's not it.



- Then what is it?



- You're scared.



- Hell, no! Not of Sawyer.



- What does that mean?



- What if I lose, Maddie?



- Anybody can lose, you just said that.



- I already lost.

I can't lose again.



- All I can do is stay lost.



- Okay, fine.



- What if I win?

What happens then?



- What do you mean?

Everything is wonderful, terrific.

Everything goes back to the way it was.

I go back to my old life, you go back to yours.

Me out of your hair.

What could be better than that?



- That's what you really want, isn't it?



- It sure is.

All right, I'll give it a sh*t.

But if this guy got a high

-stakes game going on up there

- why's he gonna let us in?



- Oh, he'll let us in, all right.

There's still something he wants from me.

And I wonder, what could that be?

I call.

Full house.

Straight flush to the jack.

Gentlemen, a situation just arose that requires my immediate attention.

We take a break for an hour or so and meet back here at, say 2:30.

Thank you.



- Tony, stick around.



- Yes, sir.

Hello again, Maddie, Mr?

Addison.

A

-D

-D

-I

-S

-O

-N Spells David Addison Wow, I always wanted a room like this in my basement.

What is this I'm told about playing a card game?



- We want in the game.



- The two of you?

Absolutely.

We're a team.

I'm the brain, she's the muscle.

Well, muscles, that's easier said than done.

It costs 100,000 just to buy a chair.

As your former accountant I wouldn't call that a prudent investment.

Do you even have $ 100,000?

No matter.

I'm sure a loan can be arranged if that's really what you want.

To play cards, I mean.

What do you really want, Maddie?

A chance to win back the past?

How much you have?

Twenty thousand in cash, the house in LA and a BMW.

All of which I put up against 100,000.

Told you she was the muscle.

Okay, Tony.

Open a fresh deck of cards.

What's your game, Mr.

Addison?

Live fast, die young, leave clean underwear.

Stud poker.

Mind if my friend Tony deals?

You've done this before, haven't you?

The game is five

-card stud.

One down, four up.

No limit on bets or raises.

A king and a deuce.



- Do we have anything?



- Two cards.



- What does that mean?



- Three to go.

King, you're high.

Your bet.

Let's kick it off with $ 1000.

Call.

Nine of diamonds to the king.

Queen of clubs to the deuce.



- Is that better?



- It's got a picture on it.

King, you're still high.

Your bet.

Let's say 10,000.

Ten thousand to you, sir.



- You sure you wanna do this?



- Yes, absolutely.

I think so.

There's your 10.

I'll raise you 5000.

Five thousand to you.

I call.

and an eight.

Is that good?

I don't understand this game.

Excuse me a minute, please.

Okay, yes, yes.

He doesn't think I understand bluffing.

Tens bet.

I have friends who will be back soon.

So let's bring this game to an end, here and now.

Eighty four thousand, making an even hundred thousand.

I will accept your marker.

Okay.

All right.

I wanna talk to you for a minute.

If you win, you win $200,000.

Not all this man's taken from you but enough to choke a lot of horses.

If you lose, you still lose everything that he took from you.

In addition to that, you'll lose your house, your car and your detective agency.

Doesn't seem like I have any choice.

You have a huge choice, Maddie.

A huge choice.

If we fold now, we lose $ 16,000.

Sixteen thousand dollars of his money.

That's not bad.

In most of your better movies that's a happy ending.

Think about that.

What do you mean, think about it?

You're taking a chance on losing everything.

Not just money or things, but your dignity.

Come on.

You people in or out?

Don't you see?

Don't you get it?

He's trying to wipe you out, and we're helping him.

I don't know what he's got, but I know what I've got.

And I'm here to tell you now, it could go either way.



- Come on, the bet's 100,000, Maddie

-

- You shut up, reptile! Just fold, Maddie.

Just say "fold" and walk out of this room with me.

What are you saying?

The same thing I said to you before you left.

Your future's not here.

Your fortune's not here.

It's back in LA.

It doesn't matter who has what card, what matters is you and your business, and the people who care about you.



- I don't know.



- Sure, you do.

Just say "fold.

" Let him know, he nailed you once but he's not gonna nail you again.

Just say it.

A hundred grand, Maddie.

Just say "fold" and walk away.

Oh, God, I'm going to fold.

Boy, does that feel good.

Boy, does that feel great.

You can't know.

You can't know.

There has not been a night I haven't wondered where you were.

About where my money was.

About how you slept.

It was worth the plane trip and $ 16,000.

And the fight.

I'm gonna fold, Ron.

I'm gonna fold on everything.

Thank you.

Good night, Mr.

Sawyer, and goodbye.

She sure is something.

She sure is.

Good night girls.

Well?

What did you have?

Pair of tens.



- Addison!

- Whoops.

Excuse me, Ms.

Hayes.



- Another telegram from Mr.

Addison?



- Afraid so.



- From Buenos Aires?



- Afraid so.



- Collect?



- Afraid so.

Torch it.

I love the smell of burning bull.

Do you think he's all right?

He was healthy as a horse when he was running after our plane.

He's fine.

So he's in Buenos Aires with no money.

This is David Addison.

He got down there by himself, he can get back by himself.

Don't worry.

He's got a system.

Kind of Zen, kind of mystical.

Are you ever gonna forgive him?

America forgave Japan.

Britain forgave the colonies.

Martin forgave Lewis.



- How much does he need?

- $350 for a plane ticket home.

What is it with him?

I mean, just when you just think, "This guy this guy's all right.

" Just when you think, "Here is somebody I can trust.

Somebody who'll look out for me.

" Just when you think: "Here is somebody, and maybe, just maybe I could show him a little piece of my heart.

" He knocks you down and steps on your aorta.

- How much did you say he needed?

- Three fifty.

Send him 340.
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