07x02 - An Old Flame

[bunniefuu]

♪ You must remember this

♪ A kiss is still a kiss

♪ A sigh is just a sigh

♪ The fundamental things apply

♪ As time goes by ♪

"Finally, tighten screw D
and your wine rack is ready for use."

Hmph! Not bad, not bad at all.

Hm!

Don't hold back on my account.

I don't know why you get involved
with these things. I really don't.

- Harry's here.
- Has he come round to watch The Bill?

He has come to take Sandy
to the pictures.

Oh.

- Well, come on.
- Where?

- It would be polite to say good evening.
- Oh, all right.

After all, we still don't know
very much about him.

Oh, it's one of those good evenings -

"Good evening. Give me a potted
autobiography while Sandy gets ready."

- Shall I tell them about the wine rack?
- All right, I'm coming.

And no police jokes!

- Evening, sir.
- Evening, all.

Good evening, Harry.

Look, don't call me sir.
It makes me feel like a suspect.

- Just call him Handy Andy.
- Sorry?

Sorry, private joke.
Can we get you a drink?

Er, no thanks, I'm driving.

Oh, I think I will, I'm not driving.

So, Harry, what made you
join the police force?

- Er... my dad.
- Oh, was he a policeman too?

No, cab driver. He still is.

You say "made you join" -
you must have been a grown man.

Oh, I see, I should
have said "advised".

It's nice to meet a young man
who takes advice from his father.

- Oh, I didn't. I joined the army.
- What, m*llitary police?

No, Royal Engineers, three years.

But when I came out, I don't know...

The police force sounded
a worthwhile job.

- It is mostly.
- Oh, that's good.

- Tell me...
- Did you watch the rugby last Saturday?

- Oh, no, I had a game of me own.
- Oh, yes, so you did.

- But I taped it. That pack!
- That pack!

- And those backs!
- Those backs!

Anyway...

So what about promotion, Harry?

Well, I'm taking
my sergeant's exam next year...

Hello, Harry.
Sorry to keep you waiting.

- It was worth it.
- Ah!

And what about that last quarter?

Yeah! What about that last quarter?

- Shall we go, then?
- Oh, yes, sorry.

Evening, all.

- Have a good time.
- Yes, enjoy the film.

- Thanks.
- What are we going to see?

It's an old film, Raging Bull.

Oh. It's not about Indians, is it?

No, Jake LaMotta, the boxer.

What a nice lad.

"What about that pack?
What about those backs?

- "What about the last quarter?"
- What?

- He likes rugby so he's a nice lad?
- There's nothing wrong in liking rugby.

I know,
but it's rather a shallow judgment.

- What is your deep judgment?
- He is a nice lad.

- There you are.
- But we don't know much about him.

Oh, that'll be Judy. Hello, love.

I'll go and put the wine rack away.

Hello, Mum. Hello, Lionel.
Did you make your wine rack?

Nearly, I'm just going to finish it off now.

He can't get it together, can he?

He got it together.
It just won't stay together.

You're late.

Yeah, I had a lot of catching up to do.

What's it like, running the agency?

- Co-running.
- Co-running, then.

It's all right. I don't think I have
the natural authority you had though.

It comes with age, I suppose.

- I had a funny phone call this afternoon.
- Oh, men like that should be...

No, not that kind of funny,
it was more mysterious.

This man phoned
and asked to speak to you,

so I told him that you'd retired.

- Semi.
- Semi.

Then I asked if I could help,
and he said no,

he needed to speak to you
as it was a personal matter.

- He asked for your phone number.
- You didn't give it!

No, of course I didn't give it to him.

He's given me his
and he wants you to give him a ring.

- Is that "James Perry"?
- I think that's what he said.

His voice was a bit slurry.

- I don't know a James Perry.
- I wonder what he wants.

Whatever it is,
he's not going to get it.

I am not in the habit
of telephoning strange men.

I'm married to one,
but I'm not in the habit of phoning them.

- Oh! Aren't you even curious?
- Not in the slightest.

- Yes, you are.
- Well, I'm going to start dinner.

Lionel has had time to put
the bits of his wine rack away.

Right, I'm going to get changed.

Lionel, what are you doing in there?

I'm looking for a button.
I lost one off my jacket.

I wondered if it dropped off in here.

No such luck. They never do it
where you can see them.

They do it secretively.

Yeah, you're probably right... Hold on.

Good Lord, look what I've found.

- I'm not climbing in there with you.
- Just a minute.

Look, it's an old penny.
I wonder how long that's been in there?

Is that an implied criticism
of my housework?

No.

I do have the odd whip-round
with a feather duster.

There you are then.

You wouldn't budge an old penny with
a feather duster. That's a proper coin.

- May I see?
- Here.

You used to get
into the ladies with one of those.

- How much does it cost now?
- About L15.

Chocolate from the machine
on the station.

- Nestles.
- It's Nestle now.

I prefer Nestles.

- What are you doing?
- I'm nestling.

A seat in the stalls for the music hall,
a bottle of beer, tram ride home,

fish and chip supper,
and you had a farthing left.

Not if you bought a new hat as well.

- Now we'll keep this for good luck.
- Good idea.

- Good night.
- Night.

- Penny...
- Yeah.

Not Perry... Penny.

I don't know why you wanted to
drag along. It's only a bit of shopping.

I thought I'd keep you company.

I asked if you were going out,
you said no.

- Well, I wasn't.
- But you're here now.

To keep you company.

Ah!

Which shop are we going to?

Erm...

Er... That one.

What do you want in a sports shop?

Tennis balls.

- What do you want tennis balls for?
- I'm taking up tennis.

Oh, I see.

- Won't you need a racket as well?
- I can always borrow Judy's.

I see. Well, come on then.

No, no, look, I tell you what. I need
some tights, just further down the road.

So you pop down the road to get those
and I'll pop in there.

I don't know anything
about buying tights.

Why can't we go together?

You're in an argumentative mood.

All right, have it your way.

- I'd sooner buy tennis balls than tights.
- Then you buy the tennis balls.

- Good.
- Only have a good look round.

And don't just buy
the first ones you see.

Tennis balls are much of a muchness.

They're certainly not.

Ask the assistant to go very fully into it.

But somebody just taking up the game...

- Lionel, please!
- All right.

How many?

- What?
- How many tennis balls do you want?

Ask the assistant.

Hello, James Penny?

Hello, James. It's Jean.

- Oop!
- Who did?

- What?
- What?

Oh, I wish you wouldn't do that.

Every time you wake up from a nap, you
say something which makes no sense.

- I didn't say anything.
- Then you deny you said anything.

All right. It's the tail end
of a dream, I suppose.

That's what's so irritating.
I never get the actual end.

It's like the climax of a series -

the inspector says,
"I think I know who's done the m*rder."

- Well, I never find out.
- I wasn't dreaming about m*rder.

- What were you dreaming about?
- I can't remember.

When are the next Olympic Games?

Why?

I was wondering if you were entering
for the 100 metres.

- That's a silly remark.
- Oh, I don't know.

I must have been
in that sports shop for five minutes.

When I came out, you were waiting,
fresh as a daisy.

I'm a quick walker!

To get to that shop, buy tights and get
back so soon, you must have sprinted.

Not that you bought any.

- What?
- You had none with you.

- There's a reason for that.
- Oh, really?

- Yes, really.
- I'd laddered the ones I was wearing.

So I bought the new ones
and put them on in the shop.

- I wouldn't do that with socks.
- Well, I did it with tights.

You weren't thrilled by the tennis balls.

Nobody's thrilled about...
Is something troubling you?

Yes. Your behaviour this morning.

It was of the irrational kind.

And whenever you behave
in an irrational manner

it means you're up to something.

Oh, that'll be the girls.

It's only me. Judy's stopped off
to do some shopping.

Oh, sorry. Have I interrupted something?

- Jean's taking up tennis.
- Really?

- Really?
- That's better.

You don't know a fancy-dress hire shop
around here somewhere, do you?

There is one somewhere about.

Only Harry phoned me this afternoon...

Does he call you Oscar Bravo Delta
or anything?

Ignore him. And?

Well, it's all very last-minute,

but apparently the rugby club dance
tomorrow now has a theme.

- Oh, that sounds fun. What?
- St Trinian's.

- St Trinian's?
- Mm.

Lionel's eyes glazed over then.

- That would be with...
- Black stockings, yes.

- And the...
- Well, I suppose so, yes.

- I see.
- What?

Oh, I was thinking.

I wouldn't want you to think too long.

No. Anyway, it's none
of my business really, is it?

- What was all that about?
- Let's go and find out.

- You don't approve?
- It isn't a question of approval.

He's in one of those big-black-hat-
and-white-collar moods.

You know what rugby players can be
with a few beers in them.

- Yes, legless.
- And a bit silly.

And with Sandy in...
Well, with all the girls in...

things could get out of hand.

- Oh...
- Now, don't start that!

Well, you are sweet.
It's a bit of harmless fun, that's all.

Yes! Think of all those big, hairy
policemen dressed as St Trinian's girls.

- Oh.
- What?

- Only the girls are going as St Trinian's.
- What are the men going as?

- Policemen.
- But they are policemen.

Yes.

Oh, that's a bit of a setup, isn't it?

- Lionel?
- Yes?

About this morning.

I'm not taking up tennis,
I didn't want any tennis balls

and I didn't buy any tights.

Then what were you doing?
Were you on a mission for Ml5?

I wanted to make a phone call.

- I hate to state the obvious...
- I know there's a phone here

but I couldn't use it
because you wouldn't go out.

- That makes no sense at all.
- So I decided to use a public call box.

Yes, I'd got that far but why try to do it
in such a bizarre fashion?

I'm not an overly curious person.

Just say you want to make a private call
and I'd leave you to it.

Yes, I know, I'm sorry.

- Yes, I'm not an overly curious person.
- No, you're not.

Not overly curious!

I got a message from an old friend.

When you haven't spoken to someone
for years,

it can be very awkward, very stilted.

That's why I wanted
to make the call privately.

I see.

So would you mind if we went out
to dinner on Saturday evening?

I'm not keen on Saturday evenings.

- Everybody's out on Saturday evenings.
- No, not us. My friend and I.

Oh! No, of course not.

Oh...

- It is a girlfriend?
- Yes!

Right.

No.

- I see.
- Well, I don't know why I said yes.

- Panic att*ck?
- No, no! Not panic.

I just wouldn't want you worrying.

- Do I have anything to worry about?
- Well, of course not.

"Not overly curious," wasn't meant
to imply that I'm devoid of curiosity.

His name is James Penny.

I did business with him
when I set up the agency after David d*ed

and we became close friends.

And then business took him abroad
and we lost touch.

- A bit like us.
- No, not like us.

- You can come with me if you like.
- Perish the thought.

There's nothing more boring
than others' reminiscences.

- I'll tell you everything we say.
- Take a tape recorder!

- You're not serious?
- Of course I'm not serious.

You've told the truth, apart
from that farce with the tennis balls.

If you were going away
for the weekend...

- Would you have k*lled him?
- How big is he?

- Quite big.
- Then I'd have k*lled you.

Oh!

Thank you.

- You're sure it's all right?
- Yes.

What, really all right?

Yes!

- I'll give you the name of the restaurant.
- I shouldn't.

You might find me in the corner holding
up a newspaper with eyeholes cut in it.

James was a very nice man.

I wouldn't have expected you
to befriend a nasty man.

- Not as nice as you.
- Well, who is?

- Shall we go to sleep now?
- Yes.

- Good night.
- Good night.

If he had asked you away
for the weekend,

- I probably would have k*lled him.
- Oh, how nice.

And then you.

- Is this all right?
- Yes, fine.

You didn't even look!

Yes, fine.

You're a very violent masher,
aren't you?

It's essential. I can't stand lumps.

There. Lumpless.

- I shan't be late.
- Right.

Don't wait up for me.

If you won't be late, I shan't need to.

No.

How many are you expecting to dinner?

There's just me and Judith.

- You'll never eat all that.
- Oh, I don't know.

You very often fancy
second helpings of shepherd's pie.

You could have a fourth
and fifth helping with that lot.

My taxi will be here soon.

I shan't be late.

I've said that before, haven't I?

Is this such a good idea?
It was such a long time ago.

- Call it off.
- Do you want me to?

I didn't say that.
If you don't think it's...

I was just questioning it, that's all.

I'll go!

That'll be my taxi.

He's an old friend who wants to see you

and you must be curious to see
whether he's aged or not.

I shan't be late.

- I shan't be late.
- Not again!

- I am talking to Judy!
- Sorry.

- Give him my love.
- Yes, I will.

- Oh, goodbye, Sandy!
- Bye, have a great time!

You too! Well, there's no question
of my having a great time.

- On your way.
- See you later.

Just one thing...

Don't be late.

I think you deserve a drink.
I'm gonna make them.

You must be exhausted
from all that mashing.

- Good evening, madam.
- I'm dining with a Mr Penny.

Oh, right.

Oh, yes, a table for two, 8:30.
This way, please.

- I'm afraid Mr Penny hasn't arrived yet.
- Oh.

- May I get you a drink while you wait?
- Yes, please. Erm... a gin and tonic?

- Sandy's still going, then?
- Yes.

- In the, erm?
- And the...

Yes. She's getting changed now.

What did you mean, "Give him my love"?

Oh, give my love to Uncle James.

- Uncle James?
- That's what I used to call him.

- Really?
- Well, I was only eight years old.

When your father's d*ed,
it's nice to call someone uncle.

- You saw quite a lot of him, then?
- Yeah, I suppose so, for a while.

- A long while?
- Lionel, I was only eight years old.

You must have had some sense of time.

You should have asked Mum
these questions.

I didn't want to seem inquisitive.

Oh, that'll be Harry.
Now, you will have a word, won't you?

You sounded just like your mother then.

That's not such a bad thing, is it?

Good evening.

- They said you were being a policeman.
- Well, I am.

I feel better now.

- Haven't you been well?
- No, about the dance.

I had the impression that the chaps
weren't dressing up at all,

but were asking the girls
to wear those outfits with the...

- And the...
- Exactly.

It didn't seem quite fair,
a bit voyeuristic.

Yes, I see what you mean.
Mind you...

Yes, mind you.

- You will look after Sandy?
- Because in that outfit...

Quite.

Gentlemen, may I present
a maiden of St Trinian's?

I decided to go as a fourth former.

- Would madam care for another drink?
- No, thank you.

Actually, madam is going to...

Jean?

Oh! Oh, hello, James.

Well, how are you?

Well, I'm tired of waiting actually.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. I had to go to
a cocktail thing before I came out here.

May I get you a drink, sir?

Oh, rather! Large vodka martini.

- Jean?
- No, thank you.

Well, well, well.

- So how are you?
- Well.

And how's Julie?

- Judy.
- Is she?

Er... James, why did you
suddenly call me?

Well, an impulse really.

I'm over here from Brussels
for a conference.

Wretched thing, people waffling all day.

But come the evening
there's nothing much to do

except sit in a rented room
and have a drink.

And then I read the Evening News.

Oh, James, hardly.
That stopped publication years ago.

Well, whatever it was...
And there you were.

- Where?
- In the paper.

Oh, thank you very, very much.

No, not you personally in the paper.

Your agency's ad
in the classified bit. Type For Me.

- No, Type For You.
- And I thought, "Good Lord!"

"Good Lord," I thought.

So I telephoned and spoke
to a very nice young woman.

- That was Judy.
- Isn't she still at school?

James, I think you're in
some kind of time warp.

Yes. Oh... Seeing you again, I suppose.

Let's clear the old brain box. Cheers.

Cheers.

Mm. Aah!

- Fancy another one?
- Well, erm...

Oh, come on. "The hair of the bit..."
whatever.

I'm married.

Well, of course you are.

An attractive woman like you
would have been snapped up years ago.

Well, actu... Yes, years. Years
and years and years ago. And you?

Oh, yes, a Belgian girl.

Quite a decent tennis player in her day.

But strictly between you and I,

she has a bit of a drink problem.

Oh, has she?

Afraid so, oh, yes.

"Type For You," that's it. That is it.

I know.

Particularly strong on the backhand.

- Ah, here's our man.
- Sir, madam, your drinks.

May I leave the menus and wine list?

Oh, just put a couple of bottles
of Chablis on ice, would you?

Certainly, sir.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

So do you work in Brussels now?

Oh, yes, I'm married
to a Belgian girl, you know.

So you said.
Particularly strong backhand.

That's her!

Yes, I work for the European Parliament.

I'm Assistant Executive of the Social
Directorate for Subcommittees.

- That sounds very grand.
- Oh, not really.

I'm just a glorified redcoat really.

They lead quite a full social life,
subcommittees,

but at the end of the day...

Perhaps we should order.

Oh, there's no hurry.
Let's have another drink first.

Oh, James, I didn't come out
this evening to get drunk.

Well, you look fine to me.

Still, if you know your own limits.

- You don't mind if I do?
- No, no, no.

Would you excuse me a minute?
I'll just pop to...

Yes, of course.

- Shall I tell you a very funny thing?
- What's that, James?

I can't remember
if I was in love with you.

I'll look after him, madam.

If I were you, I'd, er... I'd sh**t off.

Yes, thank you, I think I will.

Hello.

Hello.

Is there any shepherd's pie left?

- No, we ate it.
- What, all of it?

Why are you interested
in shepherd's pie?

- Wasn't the dinner very good?
- We never got round to dinner.

Lionel, he's a drunk.

Was he a drunk before?

Oh, no, credit me with some taste.
I mean, he liked the odd glass.

Well, we all like the odd glass.

What about egg and bacon?

After that gargantuan shepherd's pie?

Not for me, for you.
You must be hungry.

No, not really.

- He's sad.
- What, maudlin?

No...

Just sad.

It was like talking to a stranger.

A rather slurry stranger.

Sad.

Oh, Sandy went as a fourth former.

Big, baggy gym slip and woolly tights.

Oh, good for Sandy.

Sorry you didn't get a peek
at the more traditional costume.

- I wouldn't have looked anyway.
- You know, you're remarkable.

- No, I'm lying. I would have looked.
- No.

I know that. I mean
about this James business.

You've shown an amazing amount
of self-restraint.

You haven't pried, asked questions...

- You'd have done the same.
- I wouldn't.

No, well, maybe not.

But the way I saw it,
it was part of your life, not ours.

- We did have an affair.
- What, tonight?

- No, then!
- Well, I rather supposed you did.

- Oh.
- You were a widow. You were young.

I wouldn't have expected you
to live like a nun.

It wasn't a great love or anything.

They don't need to be.

They?

You were on your own for a long while.

Yes...

- So were you.
- Yes.

I think I will have that early night.

- Lionel?
- Good night.

Lionel?

♪ You must remember this

♪ A kiss is still a kiss

♪ A sigh is just a sigh

♪ The fundamental things apply

♪ As time goes by

♪ And when two lovers woo

♪ They still say I love you

♪ On that you can rely

♪ The world will always welcome lovers

♪ As time goes by ♪