04x10 - Episode 10

[bunniefuu]

ANNOUNCER:
This is the story of two sisters:

Jessica Tate

and Mary Campbell.

These are the Tates,

and these are the Campbells.

And this is Soap.

[ALL CLAMORING]

[♪]

NURSE [OVER PA]:
Dr. Kline. Paging Dr. Kline.

Mare, look.
Come here.

You can see the Water
and Power Building from here.

Oh!
That's nice.

Take a look?

Sure.

Maybe later, Burt.

Mare, now, you know Danny
is gonna be okay, right?

You know that.

Oh, sure.

He's always giving me these
little scares,

and I worry myself sick,
and he always pulls through.

I worried when he fell off
the back fence.

I worried when he fell off
his motorcycle.

I worried when he
jumped off the roof.

And for what?

He always bounces right back.

So why worry now?

He jumped off a roof?

He was wearing a cape.

Oh, well.
I mean, sure.

He was playing Superman.

He expected to fly.

Superman. No,
I understand that.

You know,
a little kid like that.

Well, he was .

You know how trusting he is.

If he could go through
all that, this is nothing.

Oh, right.

None of that's like
being sh*t, is it?

Being sh*t's nothing.
Being sh*t's nothing.

Only one percent of the people
who get sh*t get seriously hurt.

Really?

Well, yeah,
that's the statistic.

You know that for a fact?
One percent?

One, five, ,
it's a low number...

If it's such a low number,

how come he's been
in the operating room

for four hours?

Four hours.
Mare, come on.

What is four hours?

Look, they gotta scrub up,

that takes a couple
of hours right there.

And then this thing
is exploratory,

and exploratory takes more time

because they don't have a real
destination they're going for,

like the appendix.

There are just down there
moseying around, taking a look.

You know, operations like this
could go on for days.

Days?
Maybe not days?

A day.

I had an aunt of mine. They
operated early in the morning,

finished very late at night.

Of course, she was obese.

They had a lot more
territory to cover.

What did they find?

Fat, a lot of fat.

Any word?

No, no, no.
Not yet.

It's just too soon.

Would everybody stop acting
so gloomy, please?

Yeah, that's what I keep
trying to tell him.

Come on, expect the best.

Have the little faith.

Here you go.

Nice nutritious milkshakes,
just for you.

Oh, milkshakes.
Mare, look.

Jodie and Gwen are still
downstairs with the Tates.

We'll have them

when Danny comes out of
the operating room, okay?

We'll celebrate with him.

Yeah, yeah.
That's the spirit.

Come on, everything's
gonna be fine.

Nothing's gonna
happen to good old...

Good old...
Old Danny!

[SOBBING]

Doctor.

Doc, how is he?

Well, he's doing as well
as can be expected.

What does that mean?

It means we've done
the exploratory surgery.

Now we have to wait
for a few test results,

and then we'll
have a better idea.

He's young, strong.
There's a fair chance that...

Oh, my God, I have to see him.

He's in intensive care, Mary.

Go in for five minutes.
Burt, you too. Go ahead.

NURSE [OVER PA]:
Dr. Carrow, surgery, please.

Okay, doc,
give it to me straight.

What's the damage to
the pancreas, colon,

kidneys and duodenum?

Well, there's a lateral
rupture of one kidney,

capsular damage
to the other, but...

I see, so there's a possibility

of urino-renal shutdown
and peritonitis.

I tend to concur.
Yes.

What are you talking about?

Shut up.

I assume you implemented
alimentation

through a central venous line.

Of course, what do you
take me for?

And used a nasal gastric tube?

Yes.

Well, you have done
all we can ask, doctor.

A very fine job.

Thank you.

Are you a doctor?

Well, no. I had two years
at Johns Hopkins.

Only two years?
Yeah.

Oh, well, it's a pity
you didn't stay with it.

Why, thank you.

Look, I can assure you

that we are doing
everything we possibly can.

Well, I'm certain of it.
Thank you, doctor.

Goodbye.
Goodbye.

Oh, goodbye.
Goodbye.

Hey, Bob, uh...

Danny is gonna be okay,
isn't he?

[HYSTERICAL CRYING]

[♪]

ANNIE: Chester?
CHESTER: Huh?

Is it me?

No, Annie, it's not you.

It's me.

I can't.

It's no use.
I just can't.

I don't know what's wrong.

Chester, relax.
Don't think about it.

I don't understand it.

This has never
happened to me before.

I've always been able to.

Even when I didn't want to,
I was able to.

Chester, it's all right.

It happens to everyone.

Never to me, Jess.

Uh, I mean... Annie.

Well, that's it, isn't it?

You're still hung up on Jessica.

No, I'm not, Jess.
Believe me.

I'll always have a place
in my heart for her,

but you're the one
I'm crazy about.

I love you.

Oh...

Oh, Chester, I've never met
anyone like you before.

Oh, I feel so inadequate.

Oh, come on, honey.

Don't let a silly thing
like that get you down.

Who am I kidding?

Look at me.

I'm old enough to be your...

older brother.

Let's face it.

If you got involved with me,
it would never work out.

Eventually you'd leave me
for a guy your own age.

Chester, you are my own age.

Age isn't just years.

It's where your head's at.

We are on the same wavelength.

That's why I can relate to you.

You're not old.

You're mature, you're warm,
and you're sexy.

Oh, please.

Don't stop.

You're bright, you're handsome,
and you're worldly.

I'm fabulous.

Oh, Annie, you love me.

I love you, Chester.

And I love you.

I can't wait
till we get married.

Oh, me too.
I'm so excited.

I can't wait to tell my folks.

Yes, your folks.

Tell me, do they have money?

Chester, you've made me

the happiest girl
in the whole world.

Oh, Annie, we'll be so happy.

We'll have a lovely home
and maybe a family.

I'm not too old.
Charlie Chaplin did it.

Anyway, age is just
a frame of mind.

Oh, it'll be wonderful.

Just the two of us.
You and me and our house.

And we'll have
a beautiful house.

We'll have a swimming pool
and tennis court.

We'll play tennis together.

You can take lessons
during the day

while I'm working.

We'll have lovely
romantic dinners,

and we'll lunch in town.

Sometimes I'll come home
and surprise you.

I'll find you in the sauna
after your tennis lessons.

Lying there nude...

with the tennis pro.

Oh, Annie, how could you
do this to me,

after all I've given you?

Cheating already.

I don't believe it, you slut.

[♪]

[♪]

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

Come in.

Red?
Yoo-hoo!

Hi.

Hhh-hi...

Uh, you wanted to see me?

Yes, I did.

Was it anything in particular?

I just wanted to know
how you were feeling

and if you were happy.
Any problems?

[DOOR SLAMS]

No-hoh-hoh.

I've been terrific.

I'm hap-hap-happy.

Yes, indeed.
No problems.

No, no, no, no, no.

There are some little things,

but, well, it's not important.

Oh, tell me.

No, no, no, no.
I mean, it's silly.

You know, it's so minor,
I hate to bring it up.

Oh, El, I want you to feel
comfortable here.

See, I want you to feel

that you're able to come
to me for anything.

Really.
Anything.

Well,

there is one little thing
that troubles me.

Yes?

The drain.

I beg your pardon.

You know, the drain.

The drain.

There is hair in the drain.

Can you imagine
how embarrassing it is for me,

the leader of a great nation,

to be standing in the shower,

and there at my feet,
it looks like a hamster drowned.

I tell you, I hate that
more than anything.

That, and communism.

El, you are so handsome
when you're like this.

You look...
very nice tonight.

So do you.

You know, I really
have to get to bed.

Excuse me.
Goodnight.

Please, don't go.

Well, I have to leave.

I feel...

I feel funny.

El, what do you mean?

You know, it's like

somebody is pouring seltzer
into my shorts.

Good night.

Don't you want
to kiss me good night?

Oh, yes, Jess.

I would love
to kiss you goodnight.

And then I would like
to kiss you good morning,

and good night again.

As a matter of fact,
one long kiss,

thirteen hours...
That would be nice.

Well, then, why don't you.

No, no, no...

Kissing leads to necking,

and necking leads
to more necking,

and more necking leads to
screaming and rolling around...

No, no, no, no.

Don't you find me attractive?

Are you kidding?

[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]

It's my principles.

You have principles.

I gave them the night off.

No, Saunders would look at me
funny in the morning.

I gave him the night off too.

You see, in my country,
Malaguay, we always had...

How you say in English?
Chaperones.

So, if anyone started to feel
a little peppy,

you know, the chaperon
would come in

and give a stern warning,

maybe break a few fingers and...

Oh, El, this is worse
than high school.

You know, in high school,
we did everything but.

Now we're not doing anything,

and I feel worse than if we were

doing everything
but "but."

However, if we skipped
"everything"

and went straight to "but,"

then, you see, we could go back

and do everything
leading up to "but."

Which, of course, would also
give us something to do later,

since neither of us smoke.

But we are not married, you see.

Jessica, I promise you,
after we are married...

El, I'm not sure
I want to be married again.

I'm still trying
to get used to being single.

Do you understand?

Jess, I love you.

And I love you.

And I also want you.

So?

So you won't think me a swine
if I ask you one favor?

Ask away.

Will you close your eyes
for me, please?

Good night.

[♪]

Hi.

Hi.

You okay?

Am I okay?

Of course I am, thanks to you.

Now, you're not supposed
to talk a lot.

Are they treating you okay?

Never mind, don't answer.

Is there anything
you'd like me to bring you?

No, don't answer.
I'll think of something.

I'm sorry
I got you into all this.

Oh, yeah.

You got a lot to apologize for,
like saving my life.

That'd be enough
to make me fall in love with you

if I wasn't
in love with you already.

You love me?

I've loved you all along,
I think.

See, it's easy for me
to tell you all this now,

because I figure
you're too doped up to remember.

Gwen, I...
Oh, shh.

I know.

GWEN:
Here's Burt.

I'll see you later.

Hey, Dan.

Hi.

Pfft! No, don't...
No talking here.

You're not allowed
to talk in here.

There's no talking,
no dancing here.

None of that.

Burt,

what happened?

All I remember
is a lot of g*ns going off.

It was nothing.

It was just various people

sh**ting at other
various people.

Forget about it.

Was anyone k*lled?

No, no, no.
Everybody's fine.

Only one of us got hit.

Yeah, who?

You, Danny.

Oh.

So, what happened at the party
after I got sh*t?

We decided to call it a night.

Burt... am I gonna be
all right?

What, are you kidding?

[CHUCKLES]

I'm gonna k*ll him, Danny.

I'm gonna get him if it's
the last thing I ever do.

Nobody hurts my boy
like this, nobody.

I'm gonna get him,

and he's never gonna hurt
anybody ever again.

Burt, I don't want you to.

Don't worry about it.
I just want you to know, Dan.

Tibbs doesn't have a prayer.

You're a good man, Danny,
and you're kind,

and you're sweet,
and you're gentle,

and I love you a lot,

and that was when
he made his big mistake:

when he hurt you.

I'm gonna go.
I'm gonna come back.

I'll be back.

You rest, all right.

Burt,

you save a piece
of that guy for me.

I'll see you later, Dan.

NURSE [OVER PA]:
Dr. Kline, paging Dr. Kline.

How is he?

Is he gonna be all right?

He's fine. He's good.
He's resting, all right?

This is my fault.

Come on, Gwen, that's not true.

The b*llet was meant for me.

He's lying in there
because of me.

Gwen, Danny is a police officer.

I mean, that's the thing he's
most proud of in his life.

He was just doing his job
in protecting you.

But he loved me.

It wouldn't have happened
if he didn't love me.

Gwen, he got to save
somebody that he loved.

Is Bob here?
Oh, Chuck.

He said he wanted to be alone,

wanted to take a walk
and think or something.

Try the bar.

That's a real good idea, Dad.

Belongs to you, I presume.

Where did you find him?

In the men's room.

Oh, he must have had
one to many.

Bob, get a hold of yourself.

Mary, um...

The tests, what about the tests?

Is he gonna make it?

Of course he's gonna make it.

Doc, tell them that
he's gonna make it.

The b*ll*ts passed through
both kidneys.

Oh, my God.

We can't save either one.

We'll put him on a life support
machine for now, but...

He needs another kidney,

is that what you're saying?

Mine. Take mine.
Take both of mine.

I don't need them.

Gwen.

He already has my heart,
my soul.

He could have my kidneys,
my lungs.

Whatever you need, just take it.

Doc, come here.

Doc, listen.

I got great kidneys here.

I wanna give Danny the kidney.
I want Danny to have my kidney.

Well, Burt it can't be
just anyone's kidney.

It's not
"just anyone's kidney."

It's my kidney,
and it's a great kidney.

I'm telling you,
I take good care of them.

I'd give him a kidney,
but I've only got one.

Okay, all right.
I'll give the kidney.

Bob, you can't
give anybody an organ.

What are you talking about?

Especially a kidney.

I know.

All right, I admit it.

I'm an alcoholic, okay?

There, it's out.
I said it.

I'm so ashamed of myself.

If I just didn't drink,

I could save poor old Danny,
Danny, Danny.

Doc, Doc, what do you mean,

it can't be
just anyone's kidney?

Danny has a very singular
tissue type, Burt.

We need to have
an identical match.

So what you're saying here
is I don't match.

We can keep him on
a dialysis machine

for a while,

but eventually we have
to have a donor

with his exact blood
and tissue type.

Doc, what you mean is that

the donor has to be
a blood relative?

Yes.

That's me, I'll do it.

No, Ma, I'll give him
one of mine.

No, Jodie, I'll do it.

You can start
the procedures any time.

Well, Mary, you know,

Jodie's kidneys
would really be...

Danny is my son.
I'll do it.

I'm his brother.

Mare, we all wanna contribute...

Why is everybody
ganging up on me?

Mare, please.
Nobody is ganging up.

I'll do it, and that's that.

Mary, let me say something here.

Look, I've been your doctor
for a long time.

Your kidneys are fine for you.
They'll last you all your life,

but you need both of them.

And even if you could
function with only one,

it wouldn't be strong enough
to support Danny.

Medically, you're
an unsuitable donor.

I'm sorry.

Jodie, if you're agreeable,

we'll start running
some tests now, huh?

Excuse me.

Would you all please leave me
alone with Jodie for a moment?

Of course.

I'll be in my office,
Jodie. Okay.

I'll be in the coffee shop.

Maybe I can put some
black coffee down Bob.

Dad, wanna come?

Yeah, yeah, in a second.

Um, I'll go with Bob.

Mare, everything's
all right here?

Fine.

We just need to talk, okay?

Okay.

Take your time.

I'm gonna go find Tibbs.

I'll keep in touch.

Okay, Ma, what is it?

You can't give Danny a kidney.

I'm his brother.

No, you're not.

What?

Jodie, you and Danny...
are not brothers.

But we have the same mother?

Oh, yes, yes.
Yes.

But we don't have
the same father?

Ma?

ANNOUNCER:
Who is Danny's father?

Is it his uncle Chester,

who fooled around with everyone?

Did he fooled around
with his wife's sister?

Is it Benson,
who once worked for the family?

Was some of his work not work?

Is it Burt Reynolds, who was
in town and had nothing to do?

And if it was,
how could you blame her?

Wouldn't you?

Or was it Mr. X,

a man who would shock everyone,
even himself?

One of these four men
is Danny's father,

and who he is will change
the lives

of the Tates and Campbells
forever.

Find out when Soap returns
in its new time slot

in early March.

[♪]

[♪]