03x03 - Symphony in Knocked Flat

[bunniefuu]

Hi, I'm maddie hayes.

And I'm david addison.

It's been a great season so far, hasn't it?

You betcha.

I'm getting famous.

Famous?

What do you mean, famous?

I mean famous.

I'm gonna make a video.

A video?

You're gonna make a video?

What kind of video?

Well, you've seen these how

-To videos?

How to exercise, how to put on make

-Up.

I'm gonna do a funk video.

A funk video?

A funk video.

What the hell is a funk video?

It's called how to be funky.

Gonna teach you how to get down, how to stay down, how to roll around how are you going to do that?

Watch.

♪ That's right ♪ ♪ that's right ♪ ♪ people ♪ ♪ let me tell you 'bout a place I know ♪ ♪ to get in it don't take much dough ♪ ♪ where you can really do your thi

-I

-Ing ♪ ♪ oh, yeah ♪ ♪ it's got a neon sign outside ♪ ♪ that says, come in and take a look at your mind ♪ ♪ you'll be surprised what you might find, yeah ♪ ♪ strobe lights flashing from sunup to sundown ♪ ♪ people gather there from all parts of town ♪ ♪ oh, yeah ♪ ♪ right around the corner ♪ ♪ you know it's just across the track ♪ ♪ people, I'm talking about ♪ ♪ the psychedelic shack ♪ ♪ now get down ♪ ♪ psychedelic shack, that's where it's at ♪ ♪ get on back ♪ ♪ psychedelic shack, that's where it's at ♪ ♪ psychedelic shack, that's where it's at ♪ ♪ oh, yeah ♪ ♪ yeah ♪ so what do you think?

Think?

I don't know.

It's the temptations dancing and singing.

They're great.

But what does that prove?

Try it.

Try it?

Try it.

Try it.

Temptations: ♪ psychedelic shack, that's where it's at ♪ ♪ psychedelic shack, that's where it's at ♪ ♪ people ♪ ♪ let me tell you 'bout a place I know ♪ ♪ to get in it don't take much dough ♪ ♪ where you can really do your thi

-I

-Ing ♪ ♪ oh, yeah ♪ ♪ it's got a neon sign outside ♪ ♪ that says, come in and take a look at your mind ♪ ♪ you'll be surprised what you might fi

- ♪ Sowhere do I get this video?

♪ Some walk by night ♪ ♪ some fly by day ♪ ♪ nothing could change you ♪ ♪ set and sure of the way ♪ ♪ there is the sun and the moon ♪ ♪ they sing their own sweet tune ♪ ♪ watch them when dawn is due ♪ ♪ sharing one space ♪ ♪ we'll walk by night, babe ♪ ♪ we'll fly by day ♪ ♪ moonlighting strangers ♪ ♪ who just met on the way ♪

No exchanges after leaving the window.

No.

I'm sorry.

These are not what I asked for.

Sir, those are precisely what you asked for

- Front row, balcony.

One front row, balcony.

Right here.

And the other, right over here.

But then the seats wouldn't be together.

Precisely.

$60.

Sir, your receipt morning, miss dipesto.

Morning, miss hayes.

Come in.

Good morning again, miss ooh! Ooh?

Yeah, ooh! Why?

Let me ask you why.

Why are you acting like you've never seen these roses before?

You brought them in here, didn't you?

Did i?

And everyone saw you do it, which is why they were all watching me walk in here, weren't they?

They were?

In fact, I'm surprised you didn't steam open the envelope.

You are?

Yes, I am.

They did.

You were, so why don't you just come out and ask me.

Ask you what?

Who sent them.

Who sent them?

Who sent them.

Ok.

Who sent them?

You know what?

It's none of my business.

It's none of anybody's business.

I'm going to go now.

I don't know what those people are doing out there.

Go.

Here we go.

Ok, simmons has got him pegged for a roger, and yes, she will go out with him again.

Good call, simmons.

Mcmann here says he's an oscar

-Ecch

-35

- And oh, I'm very sorry, mcmann, contortionist is not an occupation.

My boy esterhaus picks the raiders on a g*ng date.

Oh, and here's our secret source right now.

What's the verdict?

She's not talking.

Not talking?

She threw the flowers into the trash and isn't saying a word.

Maddie: oh, yes, she is.

Mr.

Addison oh, I'm very sorry, ladies and gentlemen, but I've just received word from our panel of judges that some controversy has arisen over our big bonus question.

Would you kindly excuse miss hayes and I while your host finds a solution to our tie

-Breaker, what did she do to earn those flowers?

Pardon me.

Since when did my private life outside the office become fair game for your amusement inside the office?

If I remember correctly, since you started working here.

And since someone started sending you roses.

Which, I'm told, add a certain decorative touch to your trash can.

What's the matter?

You a carnation person?

I don't have to discuss this.

Now, who would send you roses?

It's not your birthday.

No, it's not.

And you already poked your head out of your hole and saw your shadow this year.

This topic is not open for discussion! And you sure don't look dead.

You wanna know about it?

You really wanna know about it?

Well, I do have this whole backlog of work here, but sure, I'll clear last night, I went on a date.

Get the hell out of here.

Fine.

Make jokes.

It is funny.

It's hysterical, if you want to know the truth.

It's always the same.

Some guy picks you up.

P.

H.

Lawyer, m.

B.

A.

, Mr.

Success.

He shows up.

You're supposed to be thrilled and ready when he gets there.

Then mr.

Wonderdate announced the plan for the evening.

Let's see what happens.

So you spend all evening driving around trying to find a restaurant that doesn't have an hour wait, and you end up at some dump with linoleum tables and the menu on the placemat.

And then

-Then! The big event.

You go to his place and watch the last silly game while he works up the nerve to try to ask you if you're going to stay.

Which you are not, and which you decided when he said, "let's see what happens.

" It's tough being blonde and beautiful in today's america.

I know.

I sound silly.

I sound ridiculous, but I can't help myself.

It's just the way I feel.

Whatever happened to planning an evening, showing up on time, making you think he thinks you're someone special enough to make an effort for?

I don't know what comes into me.

Every six or seven weeks, I get my hopes up, take a chance and go out.

I go through exactly the same thing all over again.

Give the guy a break.

At least he sent you flowers.

Come on.

Anyone can pick up a phone or have his secretary pick up a phone and order flowers.

Does anyone ever make the effort

- The effort

-To go to the flower shop, pick them out, and bring them over himself?

Ha! Ha?

I do that.

You what?

I've been know to deliver my own flora, and, on occasion, my own fauna.

I plan my evenings.

I even wait till the second date before I suggest a 7th inning stretch.

What are you saying?

I'm saying I know exactly what you're talking about.

You want a little effort, a little elbow grease, a good night's work plus overtime before anybody should expect a payoff.

A payoff?

Just extending the metaphor.

Extend it somewhere else.

And anyway, if any of that were remotely similar to what I was saying, you are hardly the person I'd turn to in hopes of improving the situation.

Yeah, well, you're hardly the situation I would expend energy to improve, but just for the sake of argument, what kind of night were you talking about?

Ok.

Just for the sake of argument?

I was thinking of someplace special

- Someplace I could wear a gown.

You could

- Huh?

He could wear a tuxedo.

The ballet, the symphony the ballet?

The symphony?

What?

That's not what you had in mind?

No, I just thought something a little more fun might be in order, like boilermakers, pretzels, dancing transvestites.

David, I'm not just talking about having fun.

You're telling me.

Uhh! You're all alike.

You know, it might just be that the problem isn't the guys, or the dates, or the plans.

Maybe the problem is you, sister.

Me?

You.

Maybe you're just upset because you don't know how to have any fun.

I what?

Everyday plain

-Wrap generic fun.

You don't know how to do it.

Why?

Because my idea of a fine evening doesn't mean having large doses of penicillin on hand?

A what?

A fine evening.

Is that too much to ask for?

No.

Done.

Done?

What do you mean, done?

I'll make a deal with you.

I'll trade you.

I'll show you a fine evening, you show me a fun evening.

You show me how maddie hayes gets down and I'll show you the sophistication beneath the rugged exterior.

The what beneath the what?

I'm serious.

Tit for tat.

Tat for tit.

You're serious.

I'll even go first, say tonightish, eightish, I'll pick you upish?

I don't think so.

What's the matter?

Afraid you can't pull it off?

I can pull it off.

Can you?

In my sleep.

Or at the very least, on my back.

The kind of evening I described?

In exchange for an evening like I described.

And we'll see who's more comfortable in whose back yard.

Fine.

Fun.

Hi.

I need 2 tickets for tonight, best you got, preferably between the bases.

Tonight's performance is sold out.

No, you see, I've already heard "sold out" at 15 other places.

Why don't we try something a little more original?

Sorry.

Tonight is sold out.

Who comes to see this stuff?

Are we talking about the same thing?

A bunch of old guys sitting around playing boring instruments, you never know when to applaud?

Well, we do have a few seats available near the end of the month.

No, no, no.

You don't understand.

I need 2 tickets for tonight, and I've already tried everything else in town you can wear a tux to short of crashing a prom.

I'm running out of time, pal.

Sorry, sir.

I can't help you.

How about this?

I show up with my date at 8:30, you say, "boy, is my face red.

I gave your tickets to somebody else named david addison.

" You apologize profusely, you get us a couple folding seats on the aisle, complimentary champagne, can think of a worse way to make $100.

Sorry, sir.

I can't help you! Hello, maddie?

Can you hear me?

I'm sorry.

You know how noisy these emergency rooms are.

What's that?

No.

No, I'm ok.

Just still a little groggy from the dr*gs.

Uh, no, I don't know what happened.

I'd just picked up the tickets.

And I was on my way to the car, and I

-I guess I didn't see the step.

Maddie, great news! The x

-Rays are back.

It's a minor sprain! I'll see you at 8:00.

Oh.

Hi.

Hi.

Don't throw it in the trash till after I've left.

Thank you.

Have we met?

We have, but don't let that influence you.

Well.

Well.

Limo's waiting.

I'll get my wrap.

Did you say limo?

Not bad, huh?

Tara on wheels.

Couple feet longer, we'd be talking statehood.

Got a tv, bar, in the trunk.

Even got a bathtub if we're feeling dirty later on.

I have to say, this is kind of classy?

Kind of organized?

Kind of makes you wonder why you ever doubted me before?

The night is young.

Which reminds me.

Would you care for some bubbly?

Champagne?

Are we having fine yet?

Oh, david, this is perfect! The limousine, the symphony, I love beethoven.

Yeah, I hear he puts on a pretty good show.

Uh, this way, please.

Does he ever bite the heads off any small animals?

Here you are, madam.

Oh, david! Box seats! Took a little extra planning, but I figured you were worth it.

Ok, gramps, back to the nosebleeds.

Sir, if you'll follow me, please.

Follow you where?

To your seat.

This is my seat, and someone is sitting in it.

No, sir.

Your seat's somewhere else.

Where?

But you don't understand.

That woman is not well.

She has 3 days to live.

The only thing she asked for was one more night at the symphony.

And now you're gonna make her spend that night alone, separated from her big brother, the one person she cherishes more than life itself?

Her mind's not what it was.

Seat 9

-A.

It's the only empty one.

Keep up the bad work.

Excuse me.

Pardon me, please.

Nice hat.

Excuse me.

He says he's sorry.

Thank you.

He should be! Maddie.

Maddie.

Maddie! Shh! Pipe down, lady.

Maddie, look at me.

Maddie, I am really, really sorr

- Aah! Aah! Aah! I'm sorry.

If you don't have tickets

- It's not that we don't have tickets.

Our tickets were stolen.

It should be very easy to check.

One is a front row box seat.

The other one is

- I'm sorry, ma'am.

I can't help you, and that is final! Let go of my arm.

I can find my way out.

See that you do immediately.

Maddie

- Don't speak to me again in this lifetime! Maddie! We could go next door, sneak into the second act of the ballet.

Guess you had enough culture for one evening, huh?

Miss hayes, how was the evening?

Unforgettable.

I'd know that slam anywhere.

Mr.

Addison, I didn't know you were here.

The important thing is, does she?

I don't think so.

So far, so good.

I guess I'll just mosey on in, stick the old cabeza in, and say good morning.

Yo, maddie! Got any raw meat?

Addison.

You called?

Did I call?

Yes, I called.

I called you every name in every language I could think of and a few I couldn't.

And I'll be calling you an ambulance if you don't get out of my office this second.

Is this about last night?

Out.

Out! Maddie, look, look

- All right, it was my fault! Mea culpa, all right?

Robert culpa.

Maddie, listen to me.

Iamsorry.

Honest injun.

I was thinkin' about it all last night.

I was awake, lying in bed.

I just want you to know, I understand.

I know how you feel.

David, listen to me.

No, you don't.

I have never, never, never in my entire life felt so foolish, so humiliated, so mortified, as I did last night.

I was held up to public ridicule.

Made a laughingstock.

And you wanna know the worst part of it?

What?

I have only myself to blame.

I knew it would happen.

I saw the smoke signals, heard the drums, but I charged ahead anyway.

Well, I learned my lesson, didn't i?

If you want to hold onto your hair, you don't spend the evening with sitting bull! Right.

So, what's cooking for tonight?

Tonight?

Yeah, tonight.

Tonight's the fun evening.

I figure we go by my place, sh**t a couple beers in, go hear the dry heaves down at the zero club.

You actually expect me to go out with you again?

After having had the worst time 2 people can have together short of a bone marrow transplant?

What are you saying?

You saying we're not going out tonight?

Yes, definitely.

That is exactly what I'm saying.

Pardon my disappointment, but I seem to remember we had a deal.

A fun evening for a fine evening.

And I did my part.

I showed you that fine evening.

You call that a fine evening?

But now you're saying that just because of a simple twist of fate, a fluke of happenstance, all bets are off?

All deals are null and void?

And that you don't have to keep your word even after I went to all the trouble I did without getting as much as a quick feel at the door?

A quick what?

Excuse me.

What?

The fbi's here to see you.

The fbi?

Did they say why?

Just that it's "of the utmost urgency and of vital national importance.

" Can't it wait until we're done arguing, miss dipesto?

Show them in.

G

- Man and g

-Woman.

Probably got a dog named g

-Spot.

Miss hayes, mr.

Addison, my name is dayton.

Agent gregory.

You attended the symphony last evening, correct?

For about did anything unusual happen?

No, last night was par for the course.

We'll come right to the point.

One of our agents was supposed to receive a drop from an informant at the concert hall.

There was a seating mixup.

We think you received the information by mistake.

Me?

What kind of information?

We're not sure.

A word, piece of film.

It could be anything.

One thing we do know for sure

- We need to get that information immediately in order to stop a major international incident.

Well, I'll certainly cooperate in any way I can, but no one gave me anything or said anything to me.

You're sure?

Sure.

Positive?

Positive.

Cross your heart and hope to die?

Excuse me.

What?

Could I talk to the two of you for a minute?

It's kind of important.

You understand.

A matter of priorities.

Probably ran out of staples.

The fbi is here to see you.

Did you screw your curlers in a little too tight, agnes?

No, really.

There's another team in your office.

Team?

Another g

-Woman, another g

-Man?

Gee

-Willikers.

Uhh officer deja?

Agent vu?

Haven't we met somewhere before?

I don't think so.

My name is gibson.

Agent bello.

You both were at the symphony last night, correct?

Yes, for about did anything out of the ordinary happen?

No, last night was par for the course.

The reason we're asking

- One of our agents was supposed to intercept some information from an informant who was sitting in the seat next to yours.

But there was a ticket mixup.

We think you may have accidentally received the information.

Her?

Me?

What kind of information?

A word?

Piece of film, maybe?

We don't know.

Could be anything.

But one thing's certain

- If we don't get the information before tonight, we might not be able to halt a major international incident.

Could you excuse us a moment?

From the same bureau.

With the same story.

Lookin' for the same thing.

Either somebody's lying, or the writer just xeroxed the other scene.

So what do we do?

Where's the purse you had last night?

It's at home.

No place like it.

Let's go.

What are you saying?

I'm saying, we see if there's anything else in your purse besides petrified gum and a brush full of hair.

And if there is, we don't trust who's behind door number one or door number two.

We take it to the fbi ourselves.

But miss hayes, mr.

Addison, what do I tell them?

Your life story.

And take your time.

Come on.

It's in my bedroom.

Maddie's bedroom

- The final frontier.

Where's the purse?

I don't know.

I put it in one of these drawers.

I was so mad when I got home last night, I don't remember which one.

I always wanted to get into your drawers.

I gotta tell you, so far, it's a real letdown.

Spoke too soon.

Did you find it?

For future reference, I really like this.

Fine.

You can borrow it anytime.

Is this too busy for what I'm wearing?

That's the purse.

Spy anything suspicious?

Handkerchief, compact, make

-Up brush, parking stub

- Parking stub?

Parking stub.

So what?

We took a limo.

And as I recall, you went home in the limo.

Why would you need a parking stub?

I don't know.

"Murray's parking, los ángeles, california.

" David, I've never been there.

Come on.

Come on where?

Murray's parking.

David, we are not going to murray's parking.

We are going to the fbi.

$35.

$35?

Pay the man, maddie.

Pay him?

Hey, call me selfish, but I'd like to wake up in a democracy tomorrow morning.

You pay him.

Uh

-Uh.

As far as I'm concerned, we're starting my fun evening.

This is oodles of fun for me.

I've never stolen a car before.

Come on, let's buzz out of here.

I'm sure you'll laugh at me, but when we get to the fbi, let's try not to tell them we stole this, ok?

I'll make 'em b*at it out of me.

What are you doing?

I hate to say it, but this car is clean.

So?

So, that's awful.

We have nothing to back up our story.

What are we gonna tell the feds?

"Arrest this car.

It advocated the violent overthrow of our government"?

It's gotta be something.

Only way I can see this car involved in an international incident is if there was a b*mb in the trunk or something.

Come on, david.

Run! I'll leave you all my sam cooke records.

That's why they wanted this car.

To argentina and these.

At least now we know who the bad guys are.

What does it all mean?

How's this

- The uniforms turn the phony fbi guys into phony maintenance men, which gets them into the olympic auditorium.

Olympic auditorium?

Yeah, about a block from where we found this thing.

The car gets them away from here, the plane tickets get them out of reach.

David, it's time to call the fbi.

The fbi?

Why worry their little crew

-Cut heads about this?

We can handle it, kemosabe.

David, be sensible.

There are g*ns in that case.

Someone is going to be k*lled.

Uhh "f.

" "F"wait a minute, wait a minute.

"Fbi, fbi" "fcc, fda, fdic" here we go.

Here we go.

Federal bureau of investigation.

This is an emergency.

I'd like to report an assassination plot which in a few hours will cause an international incident.

In the future, you can dial that number direct.

The extension is 4603.

I'll transfer you.

You have reached the counterterrorism hot line.

All our lines are busy right now.

Please hold.

You call will be taken by the next available agent.

This message will not be repeated.

Maddie! They're stealing our stolen car! Aah! Aah! Having some fun now, aren't we?

Uh

-Huh.

Let's go.

They must've already started.

How are we gonna get in?

It's sold out.

Hey, bud, would you look at this.

What are the odds

- You, me, here?

Personally, I like a guy who doesn't limit himself to the finer arts.

Do you know him?

Casually.

Gotta tell you, it's not often I get repeat business.

Yeah, well, it pays to have branch offices all over town.

How much?

You'll like these 2.

They're together.

This is your evening.

Why the extra security?

Nasty rumors about the russian boxer not being safe.

Anything happens to their boxer, might cause bad relations.

Maddie, that's it! If the russian boxer

- The major international incident! Where's the russian dressing?

In the kitchen.

Gonna take more than a phrase book to get past these guys.

We better try explaining this at the american locker room.

Right.

Excuse me.

I'm david addison.

Tonight's ring girl, maddie hayes.

Hi.

Look, this is gonna sound like gibberish, but you've gotta help us.

Your fight has turned into a lot more than a little exhibition.

Indubitably.

This guy's taken a few trillion too many sh*ts to the head.

What'll we do?

Ok, champ.

Boxing commission wants a final check on your reflexes.

Good.

Ok.

Watch over here.

Here we go.

And unless I miss my guess, my expectation is the russian pugilist will att*ck tenaciously.

No doubt from the outset.

Of course he'll be seeking an early conclusion to the enterprise.

Hold that thought.

Gooz night.

Knocked some sense into his head.

Hey, slugger, let's go.

What's he doing?

Taking a nap.

Hey, rip van winkle! Come on, man! It's time to rumble, man! Boogaloo! Boogaloo! Boogaloo! Boogaloo! Boogaloo! So far, so good.

David.

He don't look that big.

He's sitting down.

I've worked in high

-Rises smaller than that.

David, you don't have to fight him.

You just have to talk to him.

You just have to warn him.

He'll never be able to hear me up there.

I'll have to climb up to his ear.

Ladies and gentlemen, don king! Mr.

Don king is doing his part to bring peace to the world through fights! Now let's get it on.

It's time to meet our fighters.

In the red corner, standing 6'7", weighing 270 pounds, wearing the red and gold trunks, representing the soviet unión, with 110 wins, no losses, illya ivanovitch gabinov! And in the blue corner, standing 6'3", weighing 220 pounds, with the red, white, and blue trunks, representing united states of america muhammed "boogaloo" brown! You know the rules.

Let's have a clean fight.

Shake hands and let's get to it.

Let's save it for the match! Boogaloo! Boogaloo! Boogaloo! Maddie, I can't fight that guy.

David, just tell him what's happening and get him out of there.

What's happening?

Let me go talk to the brother.

Hey, what's going on?

Who is this guy, anyway?

Hey, home, you look a bit pale.

What's happening, man?

I got a hold of some bad roast beef.

Don't look like no boogaloo to me.

Come on, do it, boogaloo! Get it, baby, get it! Didn't you ever hear of f*ring a warning sh*t?

Look, you don't understand.

I'm your friend.

Comrades.

Talk to him, david! He seems to be a little tied up at the moment! Mr.

King, please! Gabinov's going to be k*lled.

I admire your courage and confidence, but your boy has to hit him first.

Come on.

Break it up.

Ok, big boy, listen up.

There's someone in this arena that is aiming at g*n at us right now.

They're trying to k*ll you.

So what we got to do

-We got to have a plan.

We got to get you out of here.

So what I'll do is, I'll knock you out, and then we get back to the

-Uhh

- Dressing room, explain everything to the press later.

How's that sound?

Thanks for the lift.

Did you talk to him?

Did you tell him?

It's cool, maddie.

We're in sync.

All I gotta do is knock him out.

Thank goodness.

Give me some water.

Mmmmm.

Mmmmm.

Mmmmm.

What's going on?

I don't think he likes the plan.

Then hit him! Maddie, get a picture of this, will you?

There are four os in boogaloo.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Round 3.

David.

David, are you all right?

David.

Say something.

David.

What round is it?

What's my name?

Say something! Ow.

Oh.

David, I thought you had a plan.

I thought you'd talked to him.

He must not be able and if I go back out there, I ain't gonna be able this is the last round.

Things don't look too good for the u.

S.

A.

What are we going to do?

I got a new plan.

What?

What new plan?

Run.

Run?

For his sake.

Harder to hit a moving target.

David, how can you say that?

How can you even think that?

I didn't bring my bike.

David, don't you see?

This is more than just a fight.

This is much bigger than just saving his life.

If we fail here today, the whole american way could fail.

The very way of life that made this country the greatest country in the world.

Did john paul jones say, "give up the ship"?

Did douglas macarthur say, "I won't go home again"?

In fact, don't you see?

This is the kind of challenge that real americans love most

- The kind that forces you to dig deep down inside to find out what you're really made of.

And I know you, david addison.

I know you're made of and for greatness.

You can do it, david.

For him for us for america.

You really think so, maddie?

If you won't listen to me, listen to him.

Hey, yo, david.

Go for it.

Yeah! Yeah, that's it! We'll do it for the

- For the american way! Aah! Come here, you russkie! Aah! Come on! You wanna fight?

Put 'em up! Put 'em up! Come on! Come on! You big ox! You think you're so tough.

Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! You'd hit a girl?

He'd hit a girl.

He'd hit a girl! It came from over there! Seal off the catwalk! He's on the catwalk! Seal up all exits! You were great, baby.

I want the options on your next three fights plus the cable and syndication rights.

Only in america! David, are you all right?

Are we talking fun evening or what?

♪ some walk by night ♪ ♪ some fly by day ♪ ♪ nothing can change you ♪ ♪ set and sure of the way ♪ ♪ there is the sun and moon ♪ ♪ they sing their own sweet tune ♪ ♪ watch them when dawn is due ♪ ♪ sharing one space ♪ ♪ we'll walk by night, babe ♪ ♪ we'll fly by day ♪ ♪ moonlighting strangers ♪ ♪ who just met on the way ♪