03x04 - The Paola Story

[bunniefuu]

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[BARKING]

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JACQUELINE: This is the Convent San Tanco.

To the outside world, it presents a picture

of peace, beauty and serenity.

[MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKER] But since the arrival of Paola,

we renamed it the Convent A-go-go.

Paola was sent by an employment agency

as a temporary secretary for the Reverend Mother.

That secretarial school she went to

must have been run by Arthur Murray.

Sure beats jogging.

Now you've got it, Bertie. That's it.

You think? Yeah. It is. It is.

Okay.

Uh...

It's--

It's sort of a new exercise. [MUSIC STOPS]

It must be one I missed

in the Canadian air force exercise manual.

Paola... Yes, Reverend Mother.

I hired you as my temporary secretary,

not to teach the bossa nova.

Oh, do not worry about it, Reverend Mother.

I'm glad to teach in my spare time.

No extra charge.

[PHONE RINGS] Excuse me.

Convent San Tanco. The Mother's office.

Chico, baby.

Today alone, we have had calls

from Pietro Baby, Ricardo Baby,

Claudio Baby, and Manuelo Baby.

Maybe she likes babies.

PAOLA: Reverend Mother.

Would it be okay if I leave a little early today?

Chico is back.

Paola.

You may leave as soon as you have typed

all the letters that I dictated.

I will be there as fast as I can run, baby.

See you.

Paola, I believe that we are having

a communications gap.

I said that you may leave as soon as you have typed

all the letters I dictated.

Well, she has typed them. Here they are.

All you have to do is sign them.

Hasta la vista, Reverend Mother.

[♪♪♪]

Hasta la vista.

Bertie,

do you think Reverend Mother is uptight about me?

Oh, I wouldn't say that.

You think she's pleased with me?

Oh, well, I wouldn't say that either.

What would you say?

I'd say you'd better cool it with the, uh...

[♪♪♪]

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Reverend Mother.

Yes, Sister Bertrille.

There is a rumor going around the convent

that you wanted to see me.

I can't think of anything wrong I've done--

Recently.

Neither can I.

This time it is I who made the mistake.

Well, that doesn't sound like you.

You're very fond of Paola, aren't you?

Oh, yes. I think she's the most out-of-sight thing

that's ever happened to this convent.

I beg your pardon.

Oh. You know, I mean, way out.

Ah. A very apt description of Paola.

I am afraid she is on her way out.

Oh, Reverend Mother, you couldn't.

I could, and I must.

Why?

Paola is a very nice girl.

Begging the Reverend Mother's pardon,

but is there really anything so sinful

about doing the bossa nova? During the coffee break?

I don't even think the bishop

could object to that. Perhaps not.

If the bishop's name was Sergio Mendez.

I appreciate your loyalty

to your friend, Sister Bertrille,

but my mind is made up.

When you gonna tell her? In the morning.

Well, I hope the shock isn't too great for her.

Paola is actually a very sensitive person.

I don't what getting fired might trigger off.

I imagine she can find consolation with Chico Baby.

[♪♪♪]

I feel just terrible about it.

Oh, we'll be able to visit Paola in town.

I don't think I'd exactly fit in to the tango palace.

That Paola...

She really shakes a wild leg.

A mean hip.

There's nothing mean about her.

[♪♪♪]

She certainly looks happy now.

SIXTO: A baby?

A baby?

A real baby.

A real wet baby.

Hello, Sisters. Oh.

Hello, Bertie.

Oh. Who is your friend?

This is Anita.

She is a little beauty.

I know. She takes after Mama.

Oh, why didn't you tell us you had a baby.

It's not something you forget to mention.

Who says she is mine?

Oh. It seems like a logical confusion.

Conclusion. No, confusion. I'm all mixed up.

This morning, I found her in my doorstep.

Excuse me, Sisters.

I have to go see Reverend Mother.

Come on, sweetheart.

Found her on her doorstep, hmm?

That's what the lady said.

I thought that story went out with dime-store novels.

It is a sad story. Pathetic.

If true.

And I believe almost every word of it.

JACQUELINE: Of course in our infinite wisdom

we knew who's baby that really was.

Cute kid, huh?

Oh. How old is the cute kid?

Mm, six months.

Paola, tell us a little more about the child.

Well, sure. This poor little kid's daddy d*ed.

Oh, how sad.

Oh, and that left you a widow to take care the baby.

Well, it's a good thing you have a very secure job

here at the convent.

Not so fast, Bertie. I'm no widow.

It's my best friend who's the widow.

Anita is her kid, and it's her daddy who d*ed.

Of what did the poor man die?

Oh, some kooky jungle disease.I see.

And, uh, what about the child's mother?

She took off for the States, trying to find a job

so she have money to take care of the baby.

And, meanwhile, she left Anita with you?

On my doorstep with a note.

Where will you keep this poor little half of an orphan?

Um...

Reverend Mother, I was wondering

if I can stay and keep Anita here?

Oh, the guest room would make a fantastic nursery.

Sister Bertrille, I would like to think about it.

And when I have thought about it,

I shall make the decision.

[COOING]

Don't worry about it, little Anita.

Your mother will come back to get you.

Someday.

I have thought about it, and, um...

And, Paola, you and the child may stay.

Oh, Reverend Mother, you're fantastic.

Oh, Reverend Mother.

Is it okay to hug a Reverend Mother?

Uh...

On occasion. Oh.

[CHUCKLES] Oh, thank you. Thank you.

You're welcome. [ANITA CRYING]

Oh. I think it is her feeding time.

Excuse me, Sisters.

Thank you, Reverend Mother. [CHUCKLES]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Well, Anita's our first abandoned baby of the year.

It was kind of you to let them stay.

Well, under the circumstances

there was a little else that I could do.

Imagine, the young father dying of jungle fever.

To say nothing of the mother off to strange places alone.

Leaving her poor baby on her best friend's doorstep.

I've got it.

You've got what, Sister Sixto?

Where I heard that story before.

It was on an old movie on the late show.

Just like Paola told us.

Except that the friend, she really is the mother.

I wouldn't be surprised

if Paola saw that same late show.

You mean you think she's fibbing?

Is that the same thing as lying?

Without jumping to any conclusions, Sisters,

I think that, uh, something does not ring quite true.

Well, let's face it. It rings downright fishy.

Of course, it's Friday.

Therefore, it is up to us to try to determine

what is true.

But we must be discreet.

If we're going to be detectives,

I think we should start by pinning a tail on her.

Heh. I think the expression is putting a tail on her.

Sisters, we shall simply keep our eyes

and our ears open.

Not to mention our hearts.

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[♪♪♪]

Hmm.

PAOLA: Hello, Reverend Mother.

Ah. Hello, uh...Paola.

The kid, she sends two gurgles and one coo.

Please thank her for me.

Oh. Paola, when you leave,

would you please put this in the common room.

We keep it on top at the television set.

Do you watch television, Reverend Mother?

On occasion.

Do you? On occasion.

What is your favorite program?

The Midnight Sermonette.

Paola, there is no reason to humor me.

But I do watch it, Reverend Mother.

It comes on just before the Late Show.

What a coincidence. That happens to be

Sister Sixto's favorite program.

She was just telling us before

about a program that she saw recently

about an abandoned baby.

What a coincidence.

Yes. It was all about

this young woman whose husband d*ed

and she was forced to leave her baby

with her best friend.

[♪♪♪]

Reverend Mother, could I make a confession to you?

Yes, Paola.

You will not be angry?

No, Paola.

I've lied to you.

Yes, Paola. I have never watched

the Midnight Sermonette. Not even once.

Ready when you are, Reverend Mother.

Dear Bishop...

[♪♪♪]

Hi. Hello, Sisters.

SIXTO: Oh, such a beautiful baby.

Takes after her mother.

Don't you think, Sister Jacqueline?

Oh, yes.

Especially around the face.

Oh, you know Anita?

No. But she has to take after somebody.

Oh, she does. Heh. Her father.

Oh.

I think it's time for baby's nap, Sisters.

[ANITA CRYING]

BOTH: Oh. Hush, my sweetheart.

Hasta la vista,Sisters.

BOTH: Bye-bye.

Isn't it strange?

Her friend's baby has her eyes to a B.

To a T.

What does that mean "to a T"?

[GROANS]

[CHUCKLES]

You got me. Huh.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Must be a terrible responsibility

taking care a little baby like this all by yourself.

Oh, terrible. Just terrible.

I do not know how my friend stands it.

Well, maybe if your friend knew

that people really cared, then it wouldn't be so terrible.

Oh. The best thing for my friend

is to find a nice man and get married again.

Well, with all the fellows you know

you should be able to find somebody.

Uh, for her.

The fellows I know these days

are not to be taken seriously.

Pietro, Chico, Ricardo. Ha.

All chasers. But, of course, you wouldn't know about such men.

What do you mean?

One of my best friends

happens to win medals in women chasing.

I tell you, when Carlos puts on his track shoes--

Carlos?

Yes. Carlos Ramirez.

He owns the casino.

I do not want to hear the name Carlos Ramirez.

You know Carlos?

I said I do not want to even hear his name.

Oh. You know Carlos.

Ooh.

Oh. It's all his fault!

[♪♪♪]

It is no to my money.

It is no to my car.

It is no to my boat.

Keep going.

And in case I left anything out,

it will be no to everything from A to Z.

All I want is a little information.

Information happens to come between A and Z.

Oh, Carlos, cut it out.

Now, what does the name Paola mean to you?

Paola. Paola, Pao--

Oh, Paola.

Well, I'm happy to say that I don't know

nor have I ever known anybody by the name of Paola.

I think you did. I think I didn't.

And if I did I forgot about her.

Well, she hasn't forgotten about you.

Well, Sister Bertrille, you have to excuse the modesty,

but very few women do.

Well, her last name is Guzman.

Paola Guzman.

Does that mean anything to you?

I refuse to answer

on the grounds that it may incriminate me.

Unless, of course, you tell me why you wanna know.

Well, that may tend to incriminate her.

Now, think about it, Carlos. Paola Guzman.

[IN UNISON] Paola Guzman.

Paola Guzman.

Paola Guzman... ...used to work here

as a hostess for three months.

Mm. The last time I saw her, was she mad.

What did you do to make her so mad?

She wasn't mad at me. She was mad at her husband.

Her husband. I knew it. How can I get ahold of him?

Well, his name was Lorenzo Guzman.

And he went into business as a house painter.

Can I use your yellow pages?Yeah.

Oh, boy. Am I relieved.

That Lorenzo's a house painter?

No, no, no.

That Paola is his problem, not mine.

Thanks a lot, Carlos.

[SIGHS]

[♪♪♪]

Lorenzo, I told you I want mustard yellow.

Señora, it is mustard yellow.

Uh...

That's English mustard.

Now, what I want is French mustard.

[♪♪♪]

That may be French mustard,

but to me it looks like Spanish lime.

[GASPS] [KNOCKS ON DOOR]

Come in. Oh, Sister.

It's time for the used-clothing drive again?

Oh, no. I'm just here to talk to the painter.

Oh. Well, as long as you are here,

I go see what I can find. Oh.

And when I come back,

I want French mustard on these walls.

Um...

I have half the mind

to buy a gallon of mustard

and give her mustard two coats.

Oh, Señor Guzman?

Yes. I'm Sister Bertrille,

from Convent San Tanco. How do you do?

If you want a donation, Sister,

I am ready to give you my brushes.

Oh, no. I've come for an estimate

on painting our chapel.

What is the size of your chapel?

Well, it's about chapel-size.

This is the color we'd like it painted.

Ah, yes.

Blue gray.

Paola calls it azure gray. No, no, no.

Look, I have enough trouble today

with French mustard,

so please, Sister, I--

Paola? Paola who?

Paola Guzman.

She's the Reverend Mother's secretary.

Isn't that funny?

You two have the same last names.

No, it's not funny.

Paola Guzman is my wife. Was.

You're kidding.

She annulled me. Oh, I'm sorry.

Don't be. I was a no-good gambling man.

She had good reason to annul me.

Oh. Well, I guess so.

That's not very charitable of you, Sister.

Now I have reformed, I give up the casino.

I go into business.

But does she bother to come and find out

how I have changed, hmm? No.

Oh, well, she's been awfully busy at the convent.

What with taking care of the baby and all.

Baby? What baby? Little Anita.

She's taking care of her for a friend.

What friend?

I don't know.

How old is this baby?

Oh, about six months.

She's the most beautiful little girl. Heh.

Six months, huh?

No. I don't believe it.

What? How naiïve you are.

To believe the lie

that Paola is taking care of Anita for a friend?

Lorenzo, what are you saying?

I am saying

that I am the father of that baby.

That would mean that Paola is the mother.

I give you -to- she's the mother.

If I was a gambling man, which I am not anymore.

Well, then I guess you wanna come over

to the convent right away and see them.

Ah, Sister, I'm not the one who annulled.

If Paola wants to see the father of her baby,

she will have to come to me.

Well, if that's the way you feel.

Sorry I brought it up.

However, I do not allow personal problems

to interfere with my duty to the church.

Now, tomorrow I come to the convent,

and I'll give you an estimate to paint the church.

Well, if you insist. Bye.

[♪♪♪]

JACQUELINE: The next day, Lorenzo, the painter, arrived

wearing his estimate clothes.

Now the party of the first part had arrive,

Sister Bertrille went to round up

the party of the second part.

[♪♪♪]

Come in.

Hi.

Listen, I seem to have lost my rosary,

and I was wondering if you'd seen it.

No. No. Oh.

Well...

It's not under there.

Have you looked in the kitchen?

Yes, it's not there.

The school room.

No luck there either.

The chapel.

Now, that's the one place I didn't think to look.

Perhaps you would like for me to go to the chapel

and look for you. Oh, would you?

Oh, you'd be such a friend.

Listen, I'm gonna be late to class.

Well, you go to class, Bertie.

I'll take care of things at the chapel.

Oh, thank you.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Hi.

Hi, you miserable, no-good gambling bum.

Hi. You faithless, hot-tempered, annulling chick.

[♪♪♪]

Yes. I shall tell her, of course.

Good day.

Thank you, Sister Bertrille.

Well, I guess all systems are A-okay.

Paola and Lorenzo have been in the chapel for half an hour,

and I haven't heard anything smash.

Sister Bertrille,

I am afraid that we have made a terrible mistake.

You mean we or just me?

All of us.

That telephone call was from the United States.

It was from Anita's mother.

But Paola's her mother.

Apparently not.

The young woman on the phone asked me to tell Paola

that she had several

excellent job opportunities. Oh, no.

And that she would soon be able to send for Anita.

Oh, no. This is terrible.

I'll see you later, Reverend Mother.

If Lorenzo is not the father of that baby,

I want him to be the first to know.

[♪♪♪]

I have missed you so much, sweetheart.

You have never been out of my mind once

since we've been separated.

So why don't you stop acting like a silly girl

and un-annul your husband.

Hmm?

That is your answer.

Wait.

Whatever you're doing, don't. Too late, Bertie.

Lorenzo has proposed for me to un-annul him,

and I've accept it.

Hey, when can I see our baby?

What baby?

Wait a minute. I think I can explain.

It won't be easy.

But I've been up to one of my main faults,

which is butting in.

You see, actually, it has to do

with this movie we saw on the Late Show.

About this woman who had this baby

and pretended it belonged to a friend.

Naturally, we thought that's what you were doing,

but actually what you were doing

wasn't what we thought you were doing.

That was a low trick, Sister. Really low.

Using an innocent kid to make me propose.

Well, that wasn't a trick. No trick, eh?

Then how do you explain the chapel?

It does not need painting.

Oh, that was a trick. I don't to hear any more tricks.

All this sweet talk, only because of Anita.

Now let's not be hasty. You're wasting your breath.

It's finished between Lorenzo and me.

But why? I would never know

if he wants me for love or he's simply doing his duty.

That is what your little trick has done.

Oh, now wait a minute.

Listen, you guys. I didn't mean to trick you, honestly.

It was all a ghastly mistake.

So why don't you two just kiss and make up right now, huh?

Sister, I do not believe you.

And neither do I.

Well, if I'm lying...

may I just be rooted in this spot

for the rest of my life.

Oh, after a while

people will start to think you are a statue.

[♪♪♪]

Oh, it is a miracle.

A miracle.

But what is it saying?

It's saying that you and me, we belong with each other.

Oh, Paola, that is a message I like very much.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Where is Lorenzo taking you?

To the Casino Carlos.

He's not.

Heh. Don't worry, Bertie, only to dance.

The only table we will go near will be a cocktail one.

He promised.

You know... Mm-hm?

...this could be Lorenzo's baby.

There's a definite resemblance.

She is Lorenzo's and mine.

Don't say things like that while I'm holding the baby.

If Anita is yours, then what was that telephone call

to the Reverend Mother's office all about?

Oh, that was a girl friend of mine doing me a favor.

Just zip it.[SIGHS]

I tell you, when I don't get something

I really don't get it. Aren't you two

going to get married again? Absolutely.

Well, then why don't you want him to know about Anita?

That is because you are a nun

and do not have the sin of vanity.

Me? I'm as vain as heck.

Oh. I still don't get it.

What? Well, look.Mm-hm.

I have to be sure that Lorenzo loves me just for me,

then I would tell him about Anita.

[ANITA COOS] Oh.

Well, I guess I get it after all.

I mean, if I did have the sin of vanity,

I wouldn't want this other woman for competition either.

[COOING]

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