03x24 - When Generations Gap

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

[BARKING]

[♪♪♪]

NARRATOR: There's one fascinating thing you'll find

in the Convent San Tanco you won't find anywhere else.

It's called Sister Bertrille.

Ahoy, Sister Bertrille! Ahoy!

Maybe it's not Morse code, but I get the message.

Roger out!

[BARKS]

What's the matter?

Oh, Reverend Mother wants to see you on the triple.

[HORATIO WHIMPERING]

I think you mean on the double.

Well, maybe I do, but she called you three times.

[GROANS]

I wonder what she could want, don't you?

Well, let me see now.

Can't be the dishes because Sister Ana is doing the dishes.

It can't be the filing.

Sister Sanchez is doing the filing.

So I guess it's not one of the daily chores.

Maybe it's something we do weekly, once a week.

The grocery shopping.

No, it can't be that.

Because we only do that on Fridays.

You should remember that because last time

you got a big bone from the butcher.

[BARKS]

Right.

Okay, if it's not something we do weekly,

then maybe it's something we do once a month, like, um...

Pay the bills. Pay the bills.

We only do that once a month, but we already did it.

So maybe it's something we do

like every two or three months.

Two or three months...

Three months.

Oil and lube the station wagon

every three months or miles whichever comes first.

Come on.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Come in.

Oh, yes.

Sister Bertrille.

I think that you have forgotten to take care of something,

and I would like you to attend to it immediately.

Yes, Reverend Mother, I would love to take the station wagon

into the town for its lube job and checkup.

Sister Bertrille, you absolutely astound me.

You have always forgotten,

and yet today you have remembered.

How did you know that I wanted to remind you

of the station wagon checkup?

It was obvious.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Sister Bertrille, one moment, please.

Yes, Reverend Mother.

Just one thing.

Please do not forget to tell the mechanic

that besides the oil change and the lubrication,

the window sticks and the brakes are loose.

Right. The window sticks and the brakes are loose.

♪ Oil and lube And the window sticks ♪

♪ And the window sticks And the brakes are loose ♪

♪ Oil and lube And the brakes all stick ♪

♪ And the window's loose We'll get it fixed ♪

♪ And the window's loose And the brakes all stick ♪

Or is it the brakes that stick

and the windows that's loose? Well...

♪ Oil and lube And the windows stick ♪

♪ The windows stick And the brakes are loose ♪

♪ Oil and lube And the brakes all stick ♪

♪ And the window's loose ♪

♪ Oil and lube And brakes all stick ♪

[TIRES SQUEAL] [BERTRILLE SCREAMS]

[GRUNTS]

Man, this is what I call a bad scene.

TOMMY: Did you see what that car did?

Right through the light.

Wow, you're a nun.

Yeah. Ooh. Are you all right, ma'am?

BERTRILLE: I don't remember what happened. I'm fine.

It's all their own fault. Look at their hair.

What is going on? What happened, Sister?

Please, man, this is really a bad scene.

We were sitting on our wheels,

waiting for the light to turn to our key.

What country are you from?

No, before this unfortunate incident occurred,

they were waiting for the light

to turn red. She's got it.

When the lights flipped, she flipped,

and she just came on very strong.

Then she just kind of went through the light and...

[MIMICS expl*si*n]

You couldn't be Americans.

You never heard of the Paper Balloon.

Paper-- Oh, my goodness.

It's the Paper Balloon. They're the Paper Balloon.

Oh, I just love you guys. I have all your releases,

every single one.

There's "Baby, Baby. Baby"

and "Benny from Freakout Boulevard"

Oh, I can't believe it.

They're as American as Army boots, I tell you.

What they're trying to say

is I didn't have my mind at my driving,

and I just came buzzing right on through.

That's the riff we've been blowing.

Actually, I don't remember what happened. That's...

If that is what they mean, how come they don't say that?

I wanna see your driver's license.

I saw the whole thing. Gomez, Alfonso T.

Don't trust them. Do your duty.

Sister, I will take you to see the doctor

to make sure you're all right.

I don't think that's necessary.

Oh, but, Sister, you must be examined.

Well, okay, thank you very much. Listen, guys, I'm really sorry.

Nice meeting you. Sorry too. Nice to meet you.

We hope you're feeling better. Thank you. Ciao.

NARRATOR: There was always one thing you could expect

from Sister Bertrille.

Whatever you didn't expect.

Thank you so much for the ride home, Señor Gomez.

I really appreciate it. Excuse me.

I'm sure the station wagon will be back tomorrow.

It was only the radiator,

and the bumper, headlights, fender.

Good heavens. What happened to your neck?

Now, Sisters-- Sisters, Sisters.

There's nothing to carry on.

You'd think something had happened or something.

Is this thing around your neck,

I suppose that's the new look or something.

Gomez, Alfonso T.

I saw the whole thing.

Sister Bertrille? Yes, he did.

Besides that, I only have to wear this thing for one day.

It's kind of impressive, don't you think?

Well, adiós, Sister.

Don't worry, we'll fix those hippies.

I'm sure they're in jail by now.

BERTRILLE: Thank you, Señor Gomez.

Well, I guess accidents do happen.

Jail? Oh, my gosh. I've got to get to them.

SIXTO: Get to whom?

BERTRILLE: The Paper Balloon.

It's percent my fault. I think.

It's worse than I thought.

[♪♪♪]

Oh.

Whew. I guess I was carrying too much weight

between my nose and my wing section.

I thought the fuzz were never gonna get off our backs.

Thanks for sending your lawyer down to unbust us.

Oh, it was nothing. Now you can relax.

There's nothing to worry about. You can start rehearsing.

No, we got problems. We gotta call the insurance company.

We might have to come up with the bread.

Why? I think the driver of the other car should pay for it.

That's the whole bringdown. I wouldn't wanna ask her.

Me neither. Her? It's a woman?

Yeah. Well, even if she's a woman,

she should pay for the damages.

Well, she's not exactly a woman.

Who is she?

Kind of reminds me of my sister.

I think that's carrying gallantry a little too far.

Even if she's someone's mother, she should pay.

She's definitely nobody's...

[MIC FEEDBACK SQUEALS]

mother.

This was a Sister

that reminded me of my sister.

A chick that carries the word.

The word. You know, the word.

[STRUMS GUITAR]

Well... Man, she was a nun.

Must be one of the Sisters from the Convent San Tanco.

Yeah, and, boy, she's really cool.

She's definitely got it together.

Just a moment, just a moment.

This cool sister, is she kind of short?

Round face? Cute?

American? Right.

Sister Bertrille.

You know her, huh?

Do I know her?

If Mr. Trouble comes knocking on my door,

it's usually Sister Bertrille who gave him the address.

Set up your instruments and start rehearsing.

You have a show to do. I'll go to the convent

and talk to Sister Bertrille and settle things.

And please, stop being so brought down...

Or is it shook up?

MAN [ON TV]: The vote was to .

The bill now goes to a joint committee

of the House and Senate.

And now the news from the world of sports.

In Deutsche Stadium, Claude Osteen won

his fourth in a row by blanking the Mets.

Dodgers winning in the eighth

with a home run by Willie Davis.

The score, to nothing.

In other Major League action,

the Giants took a twin-billed...

Carlos, I'm so glad because I was so worried about them.

To tell the truth, I think they are also worried about them.

You think you are feeling well enough to talk?

Oh, sure, I feel fine.

How do you like my new necklace? I like it.

But I prefer the other kind.

Maybe I'm a little old-fashioned.

At any rate, these boys are entertainers.

It's not good for them

to get involved in an accident like this,

even if it isn't their fault. Well, it is their fault.

They say it isn't.

Well, Señor Gomez said it was.

What do you say? I don't know, I can't vote.

I can't remember what happened. Would you please try?

Carlos, what are you making such a big deal about?

As far I'm concerned, the whole thing is forgotten.

Oh, no, it's not.

MAN [OVER TV]: Crime on the streets.

There was a time when our beloved San Tanco

was a quiet little town,

a haven of tranquility for all its citizens.

But it seems that day is passed

We have been invaded by a horde of guitar-playing hippies,

racing their fast cars down our little streets

with no regard for life and limb.

Even today, an innocent young lady,

a nun at our beloved Convent San Tanco,

was in a tragic collision,

smashed into

by a long-haired, high-paid, obviously untalented group

calling themselves the Paper Balloon.

They happen to be very talented.

Who cares about that?

This is going to k*ll our opening night.

Oh, Carlos, you're such a worrier.

No one ever pays any attention to him.

BOTH: ♪ There ain't no word For the way ♪

♪ That I feel There's a storm... ♪

So nobody pays any attention to him, huh?

Look, Sister, look.

♪ ...and yours and yours ♪

♪ This ain't no crazy dream My Lord ♪

♪ That's real ♪

♪ You're someone else's Love now, goodbye ♪

♪ Crazy arms ♪

♪ That reach to hold Somebody new ♪

♪ And that's why I'm lonesome ♪

♪ All the ♪

♪ Time ♪

Whoo! Yay!

[WHOOPING]

Yay!

Whoo-hoo!

[WHISTLES]

Yahoo! Yay!

[WHISTLES]

Yippee!

[♪♪♪]

It seems that everybody in San Tanco

saw that television program.

That fellow sure knows how to hurt a guy.

Two guys.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Hello, Carlos. Hello, Sister Bertrille.

And if you don't mind, goodbye, Sister Bertrille.

Hello. TOMMY: Hello.

Remember me? I'm Sister Bertrille

Sure, hi. I do. Well, listen, you guys,

I feel as bad about this as you do.

I wish there was something I could do to help.

Sister Bertrille. Sister.

I am sure there's no way things could possibly

get any worse than they are. But if there is a way,

I have all the confidence in the world you'll find it.

Carlos is always so negative.

Now, this is what I figure.

If we could get some counter-publicity out on you

that would make the people like you again.

Just because you ran through a red light,

crashed our station wagon... Sister--

It wasn't exactly a crime...Sister.

Sister. Yes.

We're not trying to put you down,

but if you recall,

I said it once and I'd like to say it again,

we didn't do it.

When you went sailing into the light

and missed the brake with your foot, you blew it.

Like we said.

Brake. The brakes are loose and the windows stick.

The windows stick and the brakes are loose,

♪ Brakes are loose And the window sticks... ♪

Now she goes into the numbers.

Maybe it's in a single.

Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh, it's my fault.

It's my fault. How marvelous.

Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

What about Señor Gomez?

He is so sure that he is right,

and he said you guys ran the red light,

and you can't both be right.

Sister, we just know what we know.

Well, don't worry about a thing

because I'm going get to the bottom of this

and you'll end up at the top.

When Sister Bertrille talks about top and bottom,

it worries me.

I have a strong doubt she knows which end is up.

Now, I want you to think back, Señor Gomez,

try to dig into the tiniest recesses of your mind,

try to recall the minutest details

of what happened,

the exact progression of events

that occurred before the accident.

Now, is it not very possible

that the boys did not start out

until after the light had turned green,

and that I myself am the one who ran the red light?

Think now, think.

What's to think? Mm-hm.

Of course it was your fault. Of course it wa--

It was?

Oh, how terrible. Why didn't you say something?

What is terrible?

Look, Sister, the convent could use a little money,

and these kids, they got bank books full.

I am telling you, sue them.

Why, with the whiplash, it is like a gold mine.

My cousin had one, and he settled out of court,

and he got enough to open a little business.

Wow, that's really terrible. How could you do such a thing?

It was easy.

These spoiled kids,

with their long hair and their guitars,

and their hippie talk.

Then they become millionaires

just by playing loud and off-key,

with that long hair of theirs.

Oh, well, why should that bother you so much?

What time will you be coming home, son?

Oh, what's time, man?

Peace, Sister.

[♪♪♪]

May I use your telephone, please? Thank you.

You aren't gonna call the Vatican?

No. I'm going to call the newspapers.

I think it's about time they heard the truth, don't you?

Hello, Horatio.

Horatio, you can't come with me.

Go back up the stairs. Back up the stairs.

[WHIMPERS]

Okay, Horatio. Now, you can stay here if you want to,

if you don't wanna go back upstairs

but you can't come with me.

[HORATIO BARKING]

[♪♪♪]

Horatio, no. I told you, you can't come into the common room.

Horatio, stop scratching on the door.

Begging won't get you nowhere.

[WHIMPERS]

[SIGHS] [WHIMPERING]

Horatio, those tricks are wonderful,

but you're not coming into the common room.

Okay. Okay. You can come into the common room this one time.

But you have to be a good dog. Come on. Come on.

Look, who's got his own show. Yeah.

Now?

Hi, friends. Carlos Ramirez here.

I am so excited. I just have to tell you

about these new performers at Carlos Casino.

The Paper Balloon.

Oh, they are so sensational they're going to open tonight.

For those of you who missed

the Monday night dress rehearsal.

He taped it this afternoon.

Doesn't he have a nice television personality?

Well, I can see him advertising automobiles,

but I do not believe

he will ever compete with d*ck Cavett.

He bought time just before the : news

because he knows everyone watches the : news.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,

my : report.

Today, an article appeared in your afternoon newspaper

I'm sure you're all familiar with.

That story is the reason for my story.

"Witness Gomez retracts previous testimony,

claims hippy performers not guilty."

Here it comes.

Is this not a study

of injustice?

Right.

Is this not a case

of attempting to sway public opinion

and blacken the name of the innocent?

Right.

Is this not

a clear-cut example

of two overpaid delinquents buying off a witness

to change his previous truthful testimony?

Correct--

Wrong!

What other explanation?

The witness suddenly, and quite suspiciously, insists

that it was the young Sister who was at fault,

that it was she who went through that red light. Why?

Because the brakes didn't hold.

Is this the kind of justice we now have

in our beloved San Tanco,

one for the poor and one for the rich?

Is it now possible for those who have enough money

to get away with anything?

Who wants to get away with anything?

Who's got enough money?

REPORTER: A clear-cut example of justice--

[PHONE RINGS]

Ah.

Hello.

Yes.

Of course, I don't blame you.

No, no, I don't think it is your fault.

Let's call it an unfortunate twist of fate, okay?

Well, I hate to butt my nose in again

after all the trouble I've caused,

but I have sort of a suggestion for kind of an idea

that just might be of some help

in maybe twisting fate the other way. Heh.

Of course, I don't want you to think this is a sure thing.

[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT TUNE]

BOB: All right. TOMMY: I want everybody

to get up off your seats!

Put your arms together

and put your hands together,

and give us some of that old soul clapping!

♪ You didn't have to love me Like you did ♪

♪ But you did ♪

♪ But you did now ♪

BOTH: ♪ And I thank you ♪

♪ You didn't have to squeeze me Like you did ♪

♪ But you did But you did ♪

BOTH: ♪ And I thank you ♪

Bless you, Carlos, for your generosity.

Welcome.

Come in, come in.

Carlos, you have such a big heart.

Oh, thank you very much.

Thank you. Thank you for coming over.

Come in, come in. All right.

♪ Oh, you didn't have To shake it like you did ♪

♪ But you did But you did now ♪

BOTH: ♪ And I thank you ♪

♪ You didn't have to make it Like you did ♪

♪ But you did But you did ♪

BOTH: ♪ I thank you, whoa ♪

♪ Every day Is something new ♪

♪ You pull out your bag And you'll find you do ♪

♪ And sometimes I can't even keep up with you ♪

♪ So come on now, honey, tell me What am I going to do? ♪

TOMMY: ♪ You didn't have to love me Like you did ♪

♪ But you did But you did now ♪

BOTH: ♪ And I thank you ♪

♪ You did have squeeze me Like you did ♪

♪ But you did But you did ♪

BOTH: ♪ And I thank you ♪

♪ All my life ♪

♪ I've been short-changed ♪

♪ Without your love, darling Is a crying shame ♪

♪ Now I know What you're talking about ♪

♪ Every time you say That you feel good now, oh ♪

[BOTH VOCALIZING]

TOMMY: Whoo!

♪ You didn't have to love me Like you did ♪

♪ But you did But you did now ♪

♪ And I thank you ♪

♪ You didn't have to squeeze me Like you did ♪

♪ But you did But you did ♪

♪ And I thank you ♪

BOBBY: ♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Thank you, thank you, baby ♪ ♪ Thank you ♪

♪ Thank you, baby ♪ ♪ Yeah, now ♪

♪ Whoa, pa, pa, pa ♪ ♪ I've got ♪

♪ Thank you, thank you, baby ♪ TOMMY: ♪ Thank you, baby ♪

♪ Thank you ♪ ♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

Whoo!

[CROWD APPLAUDING, WHISTLING]

Yeah, Señor Carlos. They are a big hit.

You have your full house.

Yeah. More full houses like this, and I'll go broke.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen,

this is your chance.

Support your local convent.

There are still seats available

for the midnight show at Carlos's casino.

Remember, all proceeds from tonight's performances

have been donated by Carlos Ramirez

and The Paper Balloon to the Convent San Tanco.

Please support your local convent.

I repeat, support...

[♪♪♪]

Oh. Carlos, thank you so much.

I still feel we've conned you into donating this

to the convent. Don't be ridiculous.

Of course you did.

Did you see the reviews? No.

Now, we sold the house with two full nights.

Oh. I might have to call the boys

for another two weeks. Oh.

Well, the first thing we're going to get

is a new football uniforms for the kids.

That's good. Now, I want to ask you a very important favor.

Please drive home very carefully.

Oh, I will.Okay?

But I'm not going home.

I'm supposed to rent air for the Reverend Mother.

Okay, do that also carefully.

But I forgot what it was I was supposed to do.

I know, I'm supposed to buy something.

Oh. Groceries?

No.

Clothes? No.

Pots and pans?

Pots and pans?

Just a thought. Darn it. I guess I'll just have

to go back to the convent and ask Reverend Mother.

[ENGINE SPUTTERING]

[IN UNISON] Gasoline.

[♪♪♪]